You wonder as the starry night drifts above you, countless stars looking at you like a diamond among pebbles. Even if that's the case, the cold sense of solitude remains untouched; you still feel how something is missing on both the inside and the outside.
You can't discern whether it is cold or warm, happy or sad, yet the desire to know persists. The sounds of nature come to your mind—sparkling water and wind dancing through the trees—a peaceful and loving smile directed at you.
A tear flows from your right eye, surprising you with its sensation. More tears begin to flow, and you fight to make them stop a futile effort. 'Why?' Something is missing. You don't truly understand what it is, and that somehow makes it more painful.
Your body begins to tremble as your gaze drops to the floor. Millions upon billions look directly at you, but they remain distant enough that their warmth does not reach you. They look but don't act upon it.
They don't care.
He didn't care; that's why he left.
'Why?'
You then feel a hand from behind; it rests on your shoulder, radiating warmth and a deep sense of serenity. You jerk backward, and a calm expression from an elegantly dressed older man greets you. Your tear-stained face suddenly feels much more embarrassing, and you can't help but blush. How did he know you were on the roof? How did you not hear him arrive?.
"Is something troubling you, Shinji?" You lack the courage to look him straight in the eyes; you don't even know why.
"S-sorry, I know I shouldn't be here; it's late..." Your voice shakes a bit more than you would like.
"That's not what I asked, did I?" The question feels strangely easy due to familiarity, causing your body to relax as you gather the strength to look at him.
"Sorry... I just felt like coming here; I wanted to watch the stars, and then I started thinking about... t-things."
"Would you mind sharing them with an old man?"
"You aren't that old, Mr. Musashi…"
"Ladies seem to think otherwise, young Ikari." You feel the corners of your mouth lift as a chuckle threatens to escape.
The chairs are a bit dusty from a lack of use; you might as well clean them tomorrow. It's another thing to do so that mind of yours stops thinking about what it can't grasp properly.
"Are they truly that far away?" You ask as your eyes meet the stars.
"Countless kilometers distant, so far that some might be dead by now." You tense a little.
"B-but aren't they shining?"
"Their light keeps traveling; it will take thousands of years for it to reach Earth. Time feels different at such scales." It is hard to imagine such lengths; eleven years already feels like an eternity for you. Such eternity means you can't truly identify anything special within it; it merges together and envelops you in melancholy.
"You thought they were alive because you could see their light."
"I guess so…" They no longer exist; the bright spots plastered across the umbral sky now exude an ominous sensation. However, even when looking at a corpse, you feel an odd beauty. Are they meant to be seen?
"So, tell me, what has gotten you so aggravated?" You keep staring at the stars, sensing the words coming to you with a preoccupation you wish someone, whose face you can't recall, had shown you.
You want to answer; you truly want to throw yourself into his arms and cry yourself to sleep. You want to go back; you truly want to go back and grab his leg so tightly that he would have no choice but to carry you with him.
But you can't.
"I-I don't know… I just don't!" As if you were standing before the turbulent waters of a lake, the image is distorted by the waves. You would throw yourself into it if it made any difference, only if you could take the hand of whoever is reflected inside it.
"But it is important, isn't it? If it is so painful, then it is authentic." His words are vague and soft; you have been with him long enough to understand that he encourages you to look into it more closely.
You use all your strength to create something from faint, forgotten smells and sounds.
For a moment, a summer shadow crosses your mind, accompanied by the falling leaves of a tree and a kind smile.
It was brief, a fleeting memory that you still can't fully comprehend, blurry and distant, yet it was enough to force you to fight the tears back.
"Mr. Musashi"
"Yes?"
"Was my mom similar to my dad?" You stare at him, his eyes boring into your skull as if you've said something so genuinely incomprehensible that it could be catalogued as insanity.
Then he laughs so loudly that you worry he might have a heart attack. Was it really that funny? It was the first time you heard him laugh out loud in your life.
"Describing them as opposites is an understatement. I would have thought it was teenage love if they weren't already fulfilled scientists."
You feel shame creeping into your throat for what you are about to say; it is childish, and you know it, yet you can't avoid it.
"But she left, just like he did."
You analyze his eyes; he has never told you, but you were able to connect the dots. You were under his charge; they entrusted him with your life. They might have been friends, comadres- you don't know- but there was a relation, something pure enough for them to trust him their legacy.
In a way, you just insulted them.
"No, she did not"
'Uh?'
"Tell me, Shinji. Now that you know the stars might be dead, will you still watch them?" His tone was now a bit more forceful, as if his answer were more important than anything else they discussed during that night.
The stars may be dead, yet their light still reaches you, and their essence still sprinkles your skin.
"Yes, I will," you say boldly, as you never thought you would.
"She loved you more than life itself," his voice slightly broke. "I am no sage, but if my gut feeling doesn't betray me, then I am more than certain that it is true. Shinji, your father is still alive, but your mother is with you"
"I-I don't understand…" You feel that it is simple, yet for some reason, you don't want to listen to them.
"You will, I promise"
Will you? you ask yourself. You can't shake off the feeling of guilt, you disappointed him with your immaturity.
Both of you fall into a familiar silence, spending the next few minutes gazing at the firmament and its glorious colors. It is vast, infinite in size, they still watch over you, too far.
"Shinji"
"Y-yes?"
"You are a good kid; you deserve to be as happy as everyone else, and you will be as long as you search for it." Your eyes sting once again as you fight the urge to hug the man beside you.
"Thanks, Mr. Musashi…"
"Tomorrow, you will learn how to refer to me as Musashi; it seems that you still don't grasp the concept."
"Sorry" You feel the faint smile forming in your face.
INTERWINED STARS N.01 - Looking towards the starry night
"So… whatcha think?" Misato said as the elevator provided a clear view of what could be considered humanity's eighth wonder. The teenager didn't respond, as his eyes remained frozen in awe at the marvel of human engineering. Nature flourished undisturbed within the walls of pristine alloys, while light seeped through the small holes in the ceiling. At the ceiling, he could see the inverted skyscrapers that rise to the surface when the sun rises.
"I-it is incredible," Shinji said, still mesmerized by the view, his mouth slightly open.
"It sure is! Half a century of effort, and it was definitively worth it." A tang of pride resonated within her words as the elevator continued descending.
'This place is amazing…' Shinji rested his head against the window, casting small glances at the manual in his hands. Much information was redacted with black markings, clearly too confidential for him to know.
Misato was a kind woman at first impression, trying her best to start a small conversation with the young boy despite his clear social inexpertise, maybe a bit to much. Beautiful as she was, she seemingly didn't truly understand what being silent meant, asking things he either didn't know how to answer or felt uncomfortable answering.
"Misato, may I ask you something?"
"Yeah, don't worry, I'm single." He didn't know what bothered him more: the question itself or the small chuckles that escaped from her mouth as his face turned a shade of red he hadn't realized was possible.
"That's not-!"
"Sorry, I just couldn't let the opportunity pass; tell me."
His throat felt dry, a knot forming inside him as he sensed he shouldn't ask what he was about to ask. Once he received the call and his father wanted to meet him again, he felt light, a form of happiness and joy he had missed for a long time. Had he even experienced it at all before?
"Why didn't he pick me up by himself?" He couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice. He didn't want to feel like a little kid demanding from others, but at this point, it was just consuming him.
"He is a busy man, Shinji, and he would have loved to-"
"I haven't seen him in three years, and the call was a week ago… I just thought he would have made a bit of time." He looked down, his hands gripping his black trousers.
He didn't need a conversation; he didn't need anything like that. Just for him to be here, he might as well not have looked in his direction, but that didn't wouldn't have mattered.
He wasn't here- nothing unusual.
"Shinji, look at me." The soft words of the woman caught his attention.
Their eyes met, and for a second, he saw an emotion too familiar, hidden within happiness and carefreeness. Was she hiding something?
"Don't think about it so much; getting wrinkles at your age will give you hell when dating."
He stared at her, deadpanned
"I apologize again; I'm not very good at these things… and your father the talkative gentleman that you are." Her expression mirrored that of a nervous cat as the boy continued to stare at her. "D-did I go too far?"
"No," he replied, wondering why this elevator couldn't move any faster.
Two men walked through the endless corridors of the geo-front, their steps stoic and methodical. Everyone stepped aside as they entered the hangar. They stood before the encased divinity, its body bathed in shades of purple, green, and orange.
"It has been reported that the 6th child has entered the geofront; Colonel Katsuragi is accompanying him," Fuyutsuki announced, earning no reaction from the commander.
"Good; three pilots should be sufficient for now," Gendo responded, his eyes distantly looking at Unit 01 behind his red glasses. Even so, Fuyutsuki understood what he was truly seeing and whom he was truly observing.
"He is eager to see you; It would have been favorable to meet him at the entrance."
"Musashi must have taught him to be mature; he understands his position, so he will act accordingly." He said coldly.
"If only it were that easy." The older man sighed.
"Has anything ever been easy, Kozo? "
The man approached the violet behemoth; a natural melancholy resonated through his bones, reaching his heart, the one that knew everything he wanted yet had nothing.
He had found it, and everything was right in the world. When he lost it, it took the world with it, with her.
'I will reach you, just wait for me'
"Kozo, ensure that Akagi has the Pribnow boxes ready for activation this week."
"Are you certain your son will accept jumping into something so utterly unknown to him?" Futuysuki asked, his voice tinged with a hint of disturbance.
"He won't have another choice"
'Gendo, he is your own blood' The old man thought, feeling anger he knew he had no right to bear. Who knew what she would have thought of either of the two? He felt it wouldn't be anything positive; it couldn't be, it mustn't be.
"Won't SEELE disagree with your son being the one piloting?"
"He doesn't know the secrets of the Evangelion, so as long as he proves himself as a capable tool in fending off the Angels, they won't mind our relationship. The unit 01 plays a key role, ensuring the pilot can perform at their best is our priority."
'Capable tool' The words of Ikari echoed through the giant hangar, filling it with an atrocious apathy. The utter and complete lack of ability to recognize what was the living testament of the one he loved terrified Kozo.
"Didn't you tell him why he was called here, Misato?!" The fake blonde whispered to Misato as they watched the young boy look up at the window where his father stood, apathetically gazing at his blood below.
"Explain to a child that his estranged father wants to see him after being away for 10 years, only to ask him to fight for the sake of humanity in a goddam war machine!. Not even a simple 'Hello son, how have you been all this time? Want to go fishing?'!" Misato screamed through whispers.
"You know well that no one here has time for sentimentalism. We have to be ready for their arrival, and, lamentably, we don't have too many options."
"Oh right, I forgot you were the epitome of thoughtfulness, Ritsuko."
"Eight years, and you still haven't figured that…" The doctor sighed.
"Oh, shut up!"
Having their small confrontation ended, they both centered their attention on Shinji, his hand clenching and unclenching as he tried to formulate an answer with his trembling mouth.
"Do you need me to pilot… this?!" He stuttered.
"Yes, that is why you are here." Once again, his words were devoid of any emotion besides steel-like coldness.
"Do you expect me to enter that thing and fight whatever is set to arrive in the next two months?!"
"Correct"
"Why?! You didn't contact me ONCE! was it because I was useless to you?!" Hiding his anger wasn't an option; it didn't come to his mind. Only his father and an unshakable frustration remained.
"You weren't useful before; now you are, and that's why you are here. " The workers stood silently at his words, feeling as though any movement would lead to serious trouble.
"Why me?! why do I have to do this?! why do you care now?!" His eyes stung with old and new tears.
"Because this task is one that only you can accomplish, there are no other alternatives." Gendo started walking side to side behind the glass, his glance at the several cameras watching his son "What you see before you is Evangelion Unit 01, the ultimate man-made combat weapon for the impending Angel War. Everyone here has dedicated their lives to this project, it is our last hope, and you are his pilot"
"To deny it, is to deny everyone here a chance of living"
'To deny it is to deny everyone here a chance to live… If I am that important, why didn't you come for me?! ' He wanted to scream at him, demanding everything that had been denied to him, all the love that should have been his birthright yet never came.
"I-I…I can't do this! I didn't even know this even existed until now!"
"You either become our pilot or get out," Shinji froze at the ultimatum, cold sweat running through his skin. He was disposable with a single command. He wanted to laugh at the thought that the man standing above him cared at least once in his life.
"Shinji…" Misato grabbed his hand, squeezing it carefully, watching as the eyes of the kid were watery, fighting to not break down, "I know we are asking a lot of you right now, but you must accept"
"I can't… a month is not enough!" He moved his head sideways, avoiding her brown eyes.
"Tell me, why did you come here?" Her grip became tighter. "Don't run away from us, not from you."
'Everyone deserves happiness'
He glanced at the workers, his father, Dr. Akagi, and the woman before him, who had only tried to connect with him. If he went back to his tutor, what would he gain? Mr. Musashi had his own life; living under his guidance was an act of kindness, not an obligation. What would happen once he returned? If he stops here, how will his life measure up? What if whatever happens next can't be prevented because he isn't there?
Does he possess the strength to endure such a burden, aware that he was here and could have taken action? Knowing that he had the opportunity to amount for something, that he wasn't worthless?
He gulped, taking a deep breath.
"Could you give me until tonight to make my decision? I need to think," he said, feigning calmness to hide the overwhelming anxiety. His father stood unmoving; behind those glasses, his eyes pierced him as if they were beams.
"Granted; don't waste our time."
Shinji walked out of the room, noticing the purple-haired woman giving him a thumbs up.
He sighed.
Shinji sat on a small cliff by the lake inside the artificial forest, hugging his knees. He held the SDAT in his left hand and the headphones where they were supposed to be. The water was clear enough to see the colorful fish in it.
By this point, he had heard the same track a thousand times and was tired of it, yet he couldn't stop himself from listening to it at least once a day. The female singer had a sweet and natural tone in her voice, and the melody was reminiscent of the 80s style that his tutor really enjoyed.
It was about a girl trying to make an air balloon so she could travel to places no one had ever been, to find something that had never been seen, and to experience something unique to herself.
What was so unique about him that made him the only choice for piloting that monstrosity?
He couldn't lie; it looked kind of cool, like those robots from the old anime his tutor used to show him when he was younger. But seeing one in real life, and knowing he was involved, was a whole other prospect, and incredibly more terrifying one.
What was he supposed to do with it? Smash some bad guys and come home for dinner? What would his life be like now?
His tutor lived almost on the other side of the country. If he accepted, would he stop seeing him?
It had been three days since he left his house, and he knew the man usually didn't have a phone. He also wasn't very talkative, but his presence was something Shinji really grew to appreciate, whether having him by his side while practicing his cello or discussing classical music.
He knew he was there, with him.
His body tensed as his hands clenched deeper into his legs.
'I really need to talk to you.' He didn't know whether he was referring to Mr. Musashi or someone else.
As he tried to stand up, the dirt beneath his feet crumbled, and he fell forward.
With the SDAT still in his hands, He cursed silently as the sound of water splashing could be heard across the entire geofront.
Shinji coughed as water escaped from his mouth; his head hurt like never before, and he felt as if his lungs were on fire. He could hear a muffed masculine voice near him, talking to someone else who only responded with a monotonous and nearly lifeless tone.
With great effort, he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in the small garden by the lake, his body resting in a chair. He tried to sit up straight but found it difficult until a hand gripped his shoulder, which helped him stabilize.
He looked at the hand's owner, a brown-skinned boy with long, wavy brown hair tied into a bun and two short side bangs. His eyes were hazelnut and sharp, and a yellow bandana with a white cross in the middle adorned his forehead.
He might be the least Japanese person he had ever seen, less due to his foreign appearance and more because the no-contact rule seemingly didn't apply to him. The foreign boy examined his face, opened his mouth, and inspected his eyes with a small flashlight. He meticulously inspected Shinji's body with near-surgical detail.
"Excuse me-" Shinji tried to speak, seemingly falling on deaf ears as the boy in front of him took a cellphone from his pocket, quickly typed a number, and then brought it to his ear.
"I've located the sixth child and attended to him; he seems to be doing well. He will be sent to the nursery later to check for any lung damage." He spoke in a somewhat professional tone that made him seem older than he actually was. He wore the nerv's uniform jacket over work clothes and boots. After hanging up, he turned to the other person in the garden- a teenage girl with pale skin, blue hair, and red eyes, her expression blank. She was dressed in school clothes.
"Bring us two towels."
"Understood." She left without saying anything else.
As the two were left alone, Shinji stood up, battling the dizziness and the aftershock. The boy was easily almost a head taller than him and quite more imposing. He looked calm, professionally calm.
"Can you walk?" he inquired, rummaging through his satchel for a pill bottle. "Take this; it's meclizine, which should help reduce the dizziness. "
"Oh… thank you-" he was about to continue when a sudden realization struck him. Shinji began to look around the place desperately. "Oh no, no, no…"
The SDAT was on a nearby table, Shinji ignored the boy and quickly approached the device, he pressed the play buttom desperately several times, but no matter what he tried, it wouldn't turn on.
'It can't be…' his hold of it became stronger as he felt how the tears approached.
"Sorry, I have to go…"
"I suppose that is important to you, right?" the brown-haired kid asked, sitting on the bench with one of his legs crossed above the other.
"Y-yes… it was a gift" He said through a sniffle.
"Let me have a look"
"Sorry, but I rather-"
"Give it to me," He commanded, and Shinji felt forced to give it to him.
He grabbed the SDAT and took a screwdriver from his satchel. Then he opened the music device and inspected its elements. It was soaked in water, and the outside and some of its components seemed to be burnt.
"W-why do you have a screwdriver?" Shinji asked as the boy seemingly had an endless array of supplies inside that rather small bag
"Why don't you have a screwdriver?" he respond without looking at him, he soundly faintly offended
"Oh, sorry"
"Why are you apologizing?"
"S-sorry"
"..." the boy took a weird side glance at him.
"Sorry…" Shinji wanted to shrink himself.
"Well, it is quite damaged, but I believe I can do something about it." The boy said as he put the SDAT inside his satchel.
"Thank you! I-I don't know what to say." The timid teenager bowed.
"Well, tell me your name, then. You can start with that."
"Oh, that's right, we haven't presented ourselves…" Shinji brought a hand to the back of his head, embarrassed. "My name is Ikari Shinji"
"The sixth child... should have guessed; no other children are around here." He stood up and reached his open palm in front of him. "It is a pleasure meeting you. I'm Izaiah Kozo."
Shinji awkwardly responded to his handshake, having never done it before.
"Izaiah… I have never heard a name like that."
"You are pronouncing it wrong; it is eye-zye,uh"
"eye-zee-uh?"
"No, eye-zye-uh"
"Ai-zye-uh"
"Eye-zye-ju…?"
"EYE-ZYE-UH!"
"S-sorry!"
"Just forget it" Izaiah sighed.
"Alright…" Shinji hung his head as Rei finally arrived with two white towels, her emotionless expression the same as before.
" I apologize for the delay; the laundry room was closed, so I took two items from the nearest bathroom."
"The nearest bathroom is the men's one, Rei," Izaiah said with a hint of worriness.
"Indeed"
"They are taking a shower right now."
"Yes, they were… is there a problem?" She watched as the brown boy took and massaged his temple.
"No, not at all. Dr. Akagi told me a while ago that she needed you at the laboratory; they will resume testing with unit 00. " Shinji watched as he took both towels, placing one in his hands.
"Then I will leave," she said as she spun her body in the opposite direction and began walking.
"Wait, I haven't introduced you- and she is gone…" Izaiah sighed
"So… is she the Rei I heard Dr. Akagi talk about a while ago?"
"She sure is."
The foreign boy stretched his body a little. Shinji could see small movements across his entire body. To his surprise, he noticed how his right fist clenched and unclenched. It was the same way his did.
"Well, I have to report myself to the sub-commander. I will see you tomorrow; be ready to start our training." Izaiah started walking away from the garden, only to be stopped by Shinji's sudden rise in voice.
"Wait! What do you mean by tomorrow?"
"Didn't Misato give you my training program?" he asked, confused.
"Why would she give me your training program?"
"Because you are the sixth child?" He looked astonished by the fact he had even to explain that.
A sudden wave of embarrassment and anxiety hit Shinji, as it became harder to meet his eyes.
"Sorry, but I haven't… decided if I want to become a pilot yet, it is…"
"Hard?" Izaiah completed, feeling a sudden spike of indignation rise throughout his body, and words he knew he should not say accumulated in his mouth. "Like everything else in this world?"
"S-sorry! is just that I-" Shinji was about to continue when Izaiah opened his hand and aimed it at him.
"Don't worry, I think I can understand." He started walking away "This can be a bit tough."
The professional demeanor abandoned his body as the taller boy placed a hand on Shinji's shoulder, quite stiffly.
"Just know that if you choose to accept, we will be waiting for you." Izaiah said as he walked away
Shinji stood there, feeling an unfamiliar sensation spreading through him. Then he glanced at the towel at his side and noticed that the boy walking away was completely soaked as well.
"Wait! were you the one who saved me?!"
The taller boy didn't respond.
The night fell, and Shinji stood at the elevator entrance, waiting for a purple-haired woman to meet him. The events of the day replayed in his mind.
The breathtaking view of the geofront. The whimsical and carefree words of Misato. His father. The Eva… his Eva. The pair of teenagers who had saved him from drowning. He looked up at the lights of the inverted skyscrapers at the top of the geofront, their illumination simulating stars on a clear night.
The answer still eluded him. It was too much, too terrifying, and once again he didn't know if he meant the giant robot or the man who wore red glasses and white gloves.
The thoughts drifted from his mind as the sound of a Renault became present.
"Sorry for being late, I kind of got lost inside the pyramid…" she said, bringing one hand in front of her, a sort of apology sign unique to her.
"Don't worry; I'm used to waiting here."
"Oh my, I didn't know there was some snark in you!"
"Sorry…"
"Well, it was shortlived," She said as Shinji made another face "Sorry!"
Shinji murmured discontentedly
They stood in awkward silence for a while as they went into the car elevator, there was obvious expectation from her side and he couldn't do anything to avoid it.
"Oh, I think you've met Izaiah and Rei, right?"
"Yes, Miss Misato," He said curiously, not knowing where this will go.
"He didn't say much about you, but he asked me to give you this." She pulled something from her purse, leaving it at the teenager's hands.
His eyes widened as he noticed it was his SDAT… completely repaired.
"He mentioned something about not being able to fix the tapes or something like that, didn't really listen to him; I would rather stop drinking than listen to another one of his reprimands."
He had tuned out Misato's comment before it even started, his whole attention focused on the device in his hands. He clenched his mouth, feeling almost as if oxygen didn't exist inside the car.
It was not only fixed, but it looked nearly brand new, aside from the sign on its back that indicated it was the same one and not just a replacement.
Will be waiting for you
"Miss Misato, I think I already made a decision"
As long as you search for it
Misato's celebrations could be heard across the streets of Tokyo as she planned to throw a welcome party in her now shared apartment, all thanks to the boy who decided to look toward the future as the starry night became less ominous.