Welcome everyone!
We're moving forward with the story and I'm happy that you find it interesting. Things will speed up a bit from the next chapter.
I greatly appreciate every review you write and I am very grateful that you find time to comment on the story!
GIANT Thank You for Cimar and his help with the story! Whenever I encounter a bit that I feel too lazy to explore properly, he gives me a "quit-your-whining-and-write-it-properly-dammit" kick to get me back on the right track. ;) ALSO, I included a reference to his story "The Masked Fox" in this chapter, hope you'll enjoy it. :) If you haven't read it yet, JUST GO AND DO IT, DAMMIT! :D
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ANNOUNCEMENTS:
1)I decided to try out a little something. Since I usually try to be ahead of schedule when it comes to chapters, I have parts that are yet to be published. So, if anyone feels like reading some teasers, drop me a PM and I'll send you a piece of a new chapter right now! :)
2)We'll be meeting the 'organization' again and since that means introducing a bunch of new characters (one I think will be a HUGE surprise xD), so I had this little idea: suggest me a new character! I'm looking for an assassin that will be a member of the organization. It can be anyone, regardless of species, can be a little crazy, CAN'T possess any supernatural skills and needs to have some kind of a normal hobby (not a slaughtering lunatic ;P). So, please give me your ideas and I'll make one a reality in this story!
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As for JudyxWill: things will take a new turn in the next chapter, look forward to it ;)
That's it for now, let's read!
Chapter 34
Nick arrived earlier than the set hour to make sure that they would have a table to sit at. He prepared himself for this meeting properly by taking a double dosage of heat medicine and bringing the last syringe with haloperidol with him. He also took something else, but hoped that none of the brought materials would be necessary.
Once inside, he managed to secure a table for two small mammals, right in the corner of the diner. The owner was quite flexible when it came to customer variety and offered tables for animals of all sizes. On the other paw, Joey's wasn't the peak of sublime interior design and Nick plopped on a cheap, cushioned sofa-like seat that clearly has seen better days. The table itself was just a rectangular flat surface on a single, stainless steel support. It wasn't meant to win awards for looks, but to hold the weight of plates and mugs, which it did with success so far and nobody complained about it.
A ring of the bell at the door announced another customer coming in or out, and Nick's keen ears distinguished between the two sounds and knew that someone had walked in. Almost immediately his nose picked up the sweetest smell and he knew that his companion for the evening had arrived. With a hard-beating heart, he braced himself for a very exhausting experience: opening up. At least a bit.
Putting on a genuine smile he raised an arm and waved to the bunny.
"Hey, Carrots! Right here!" The fox called out to his partner.
The black tipped ears turned towards Nick and Judy headed for his table. The vulpine could feel his heart skip a beat when he saw her. She was just taking off her jacket, revealing a long sleeved, powder blue top. Her legs were clad in simple jeans. The outfit may have seemed like something that anyone would wear and wasn't anything special, but for Nick, she looked like a million dollars.
He couldn't, and didn't want to, stop his smile from widening as she approached him.
As she hopped on the seat on the other side of the table, Nick spread his arms in the air. "See? I'm here, just like I promised."
"Woow, what an achievement, Mr. Wilde," she replied with a hefty dose of sarcasm, but with a smile on her face. *Damn, why does her smile has to be so… ok, let's face it, 'cute'?* He thought, sensing the slightly hastened thumping in his chest.
"You wound me, Fluff." Nick placed a paw on his heart in mock hurt, but also in a hopeless attempt to calm down the increased rhythm. "Have I ever gone back on my word?"
Instead of replying, Judy held up her paws and began bending her fingers one after another, lips moving as if she was counting.
Seeing this, Nick's ears flattened against the back of his head and his smile faded. "Hey now, that's not funny..." he grumbled weakly.
The bunny stopped her count and grinned at him. "Sorry, what did you say? I got lost after ten."
Nick knew that he had nothing to refute her playful act, so he lowered his head and put his paws together in a praying gesture. "This here fox admits defeat and pleads for mercy from the noble rabbit."
"Well, depending on how this interrogation will turn out, I may be in the mood to grant forgiveness," she sported a smirk.
Forgiveness. This word echoed loudly in the vulpine's head. Oh, how much he'd like to receive it from her. But considering the amount of his past wrongdoings and demons of guilt trailing behind him like a morbid caravan, probably even her heart wouldn't be big enough to grant him that honor. Even if, she'd never look at him like now, with that joyful spark and playfulness. Internally, he shivered at the thought of losing this bright gaze forever.
Again, his silver tongue switched on automatically to save him from an awkward pause. "Interrogation? Sounds serious." A wide grin perfectly masked his nervousness.
She nodded. "It is, as I have a suspect to whom I have more questions that he'd like to answer," the amethyst gaze was locked on him, gauging his reaction.
He raised a paw to pose a question. "Am I necessary for this conversation?"
Judy put on a smirk that tried to imitate his own, smug version and with a quite good result. "Trust me, your presence is vital for the case."
He shrugged theatrically. "Oh well, can't blame a fox for trying."
This time his partner joined in with a small laugh.
After that they got their drinks – Judy a hot cocoa, while Nick went for a glass of water, he tugged slightly at his tie, letting out a sigh in the process. "Carrots, before we talk, about whatever you want to drag out of me, I.. I wanted to apologize. For many things."
She didn't respond, only stared at the fox over the steaming cup in her paws.
"I was… a jerk, acted like a brat, endangered you and said things that were hypocritical and rude." His shoulders sunk a bit and he stared at the glass of transparent liquid. "I did so many things the wrong way, I…" he rubbed his face with both paws, "I never should have sent those pigs on you, you could've gotten hurt. I was wrong in doubting the honesty and goodwill of your- our, fellow officers and snapping at you like that. And that thing with my absence…" he lowered his arms and briefly glanced at his bandaged paw and this action did not go unnoticed by the bunny. "Yes, I should have texted you, called you or whatever, just… just should have done something."
"Yes, yes you should have," Judy replied to his words in a calm manner. "Anything else you'd like to tell me?"
Nick's ears twitched subtly and the fox rubbed the back of his neck. Eventually, he took a deep breath and gazed directly into her eyes. The lavender pools of optimism that radiated her inner energy and joy for the world. Strong, yet cheerful at the same time.
*God, you're so beautiful…* Were the words that wanted to leave his mouth, but he couldn't let them do so.
"Carrots, I am sorry for what I did. I am not proud of it and I apologize for being nothing but an annoyance to you in our partnership so far," he declared with all sincerity his tarnished soul could muster.
She held his gaze and didn't say a word. Instead, she lifted her cup and sipped the hot drink. If he could, Nick would've started sweating all over his body because of her prolonged reaction. The fox was certain that it was her way of punishing him for prolonging the apology for so long. And hell, it worked all too well.
"F-fluff?" he cracked under the quiet pressure and stammered, trying to receive any answer.
"Alright…" she finally spoke, placing the cup back on the table. "I accept your apology, Nick."
The fox started breathing again, but seeing her lips forming a small smile his breath was stolen once more. He couldn't find proper words for this, but awe would probably be the closest one. *How much kindness can one person have? And how does such a small body contain such a big heart?"
However, this blissful sight didn't last, as Judy took a sip of her drink and gave him a much more serious look. "Now…" she put down the cup, "I have a mountain of questions, my foxy friend."
A smug grin tugged at the corners of his mouth, an instinctive response of his body in a nervous situation, a reaction formed by years spent on the streets. "Yes, I can imagine," he leaned back in his seat. "Well then, shoot."
"What was the real reason for your absence? And I'm hoping for an honest answer this time, Nick," she shot him a warning glare.
He sighed, his ears low and miserable. "And an honest one you shall receive… I got into a fight, received a few bruises and a wound to my paw," the fox raised the bandaged extremity in question.
His answer made Judy raise a brow. "And you fought because…"
He scratched the back of his head. "Promise you won't tease me about it?"
Judy placed her chin on folded paws. "Maybe, no promises here," she wiggled her eyebrows.
"Ugh, you're not helping me here…"
She giggled. "It's an interrogation, remember? And for this one you aren't allowed to plead the fifth."
"Point taken… Okay, I was told that some thugs were getting rough with two girls in a back alley so I jumped in to help," he eyed the bandage. "And apparently, I overestimated my skills, but what's important is that the girls were able to get away. And following up on your question, I called in sick because I thought, not without reason," he sent her a wink, "that a certain bunny would be worried to death if she had saw me like this," he indicated himself. *Weak excuse, as I needed the time to talk with Miss Shavala, but no way in hell I'm telling her that…*
"Don't you think that I'd be more worried when I have next to zero information on what is going on with my missing partner?"
"Uh, well, yeah… maybe you're right…" he admitted with his gaze cast down. He knew that she was right, but after what happened in the alley and with his mother, he needed time to sort out his thoughts. Seeing Judy, even just hearing her voice or even reading her text message, wouldn't make things any easier. "Sorry…"
The doe let out a sigh. "Maybe instead of repeating apologies, you could just do the right thing from the start."
He couldn't help himself. Nick rubbed the underside of his muzzle thoughtfully. "Hmm, now why I didn't think of that…"
Judy chuckled. "Probably because you're a dumb fox," her reply made him smile again.
"Handsome, dumb fox, if you will," he quipped with a smirk.
She tilted her head a bit. "Well, we'd have to run a poll on that," she shot back.
"Just remind me to rig the results," Nick sniggered.
The doe rolled her eyes and took another sip of her drink. "Back to earth, Slick. What happened with those girls and the thugs?"
"Beats me, the girls ran away and I left that alley shortly after dealing with those punks. And those guys are probably licking their wounds in some pub," he shrugged and winced internally for telling her another lie. *Sorry, Carrots… I wish I could tell you everything…* Gazing at the trusty, cheerful doe before him, Nick shuffled the black pages of his history in his mind, and the darkness that was on those pages was what kept him from opening up to her. *Maybe another time… bit by bit. But not today…*
"I see…" it was a very vague 'I see' by Nick's standards, but thankfully she didn't follow up on it. "Does this mean I can assume that in your free time you run around the city and save girls in alleys?" the bunny winked at him. "Didn't know I had a vigilante as a partner."
The fox smiled and decided to play along. "But of course!" he snatched one of the napkins from the table and covered his muzzle with it, creating a makeshift mask. "I'm the mysterious latino vulpine, known as The Fox, who roams the streets of Zootopia. At night I dye my fur black and I'm a scourge of the wicked, señorita," Nick said this with an imitation of Spanish accent.
The doe rolled her eyes and adorned a smirk. "You do realize that in such a case I'd have to arrest you for taking the law into your own paws?"
"Or I could charm you into joining my side, no?" Nick wiggled his eyebrows.
She shook her head. "Hmpf, you'd just go after any girl, wouldn't you, Mr Fox?
"Ah, not just any girls, only beautiful ones, in this particular case a couple of pretty vixens."
At that point Judy froze with a cup halfway to her mouth, staring at her partner's face. Her sudden stillness surprised Nick and he took off the napkin and waved his paw in front of her. "Hello, you there, Fluff?"
"Those girls…" Judy said with a distant voice and put down the cup. "Were their names Silver and Rose?"
For the umpteenth time in his relationship with Judy, Nick thanked God for his trained ability to control his own reactions or his face would have betrayed the sudden chill that ran down his spine. *How the hell does she know that?!* he thought in panic and tried to think of an explanation. *Did she see what happened there? No, if that would be the case then she'd step in to help me. Did someone tell her? But who?* he refocused his gaze on the doe.
"Yeah… How do you know that?" he inquired of her, doing his best not to give away his nervousness.
Judy rested her cheek on a paw. "You really should talk more with your mother."
Nick quirked a brow in puzzlement. "Wait, what she's got to do with this?"
"She took them in. Right now, they're staying at her place and she asked me to deal with their handler."
"Ah…" hearing this made him calmer, as the girls didn't know about his savage state. "Well, that sounds like her. When I would tick her off as a kid she would joke that she'd prefer having a daughter. Looks like now she has two."
Judy let out a small chuckle at his memory. "Yes, I can imagine. You really can be a pain in the butt."
Nick put a paw to his chest in a dramatic gesture. "Ouch, right where it hurts, Carrots."
"Just stating a fact, Slick," she played with the cup's edge for a bit. "Say, why are you so keen on helping, as you said earlier, working girls? Mr. Bites said it before and now you go and get yourself injured to help those two. I can't help but to think that you have some history with them," Judy posed this question and eyed him to see how he reacts.
And he clearly wasn't too keen on answering, as he swallowed and tugged at the collar of his shirt. "That's detective Carrots for you, Mr Bites said that 9 months ago! And… uh, well… That's true that there is… some story behind this," Nick admitted reluctantly. *One that involves the organization, lots of blood and a certain madam…* he added, but only in his thoughts. "Let's just say that I was once in a very tight spot and a kind lady helped me out, a lot," an echo of pain pulsated from the scars on his stomach and chest at the memory. "So I am indebted to her and to repay her goodwill, I promised to help out girls like her whenever I could."
Judy stared at him with her ears down and eyes brimming with curiosity. "That's... Ok, now you have to tell me more!" but her enthusiasm quickly diminished when she saw the fox's expression.
"Carrots… I…" his voice faltered and his features spoke of shame and doubt. "This thing… is a bit too much…" he shook his head to recompose himself. "Please don't get me wrong! I…" he was struggling with his words. "There are things I don't feel I can explain… at least not now. But I'm trying to work on this, so just keep asking and I'll try to answer as many questions as possible," at that point he noticed a change on her face. "Hey, don't give me that pitying look. I'm fine, just… not used to it."
She gave him another analytical look. "Okay, if you say so," she shuffled in her seat to a more comfortable position. "Then… can you tell me about your nightmares?"
For a moment, time seemed to stop for Nick. He couldn't hear anything and in his vision all movement ceased. Similarly, no sounds reached his ears and his nose couldn't pick up anything, even with the savage enhancement. And suddenly everything came back and the world of smells and sounds returned, pouring into his senses.
"Nightmares…" he repeated with a hollow voice, his paws laid flat on the surface of the table.
Seeing how much he stiffened from her words, Judy reached out and placed her paw on top of his. He didn't move, but his breathing visibly accelerated. "Nick, you don't need to force yourse-" the fox moved his paws in a blur, reaching to one of his pockets, returning with something that glinted with metal.
"Ni-"
Click.
The vulpine cuffed one of his paws and swiftly reached under the table and with another click cuffed himself to the steel support. When it was done, he relaxed a little in his seat.
The doe observed this slack jawed. "Nick! What are you doing?!" she hissed at her friend.
"Just making sure we actually talk, Fluff," his response came with a little wheeze. He had his eyes set on the glass before him and he focused on calming his breathing.
"By cuffing yourself?!" she exclaimed in a strained whisper.
Nick raised a paw to stop her from further comments. "Carrots, please! I want to do this. I have to do this," he patted himself on the torso. "I know myself and I know that when it comes to stuff like this my body just reacts on its own and tries to run away," he pulled on the restraints and the short chain clinked, keeping him in place. "It's only just a small insurance that I will speak with you, don't worry."
"But-"
"Please!" Nick shook his head slowly. "Let me do this…"
Judy stared at him with eyes narrowed and features crinkled with doubt. "Um, okaayy…" her eyes roamed around his face, taking in the emotions written on it, a rare occasion to see him without his mask. As much as she was considerate of other mammals' privacy, Judy knew how clammed up her friend was and couldn't help that she wanted to jump at this chance to hear more about him. And it also was a piece of the puzzle she wanted to solve. "Tell me, are these reactions connected with you running away from me before?"
Internally, Nick giggled nervously about his partner's knack for linking facts. "You could say that," he admitted, carefully choosing his words. "I'm not quite used to others getting to me and I kind of snap, sorry."
The bunny tilted her head a bit. "I get to you?"
"Uh, in a way. We'll get to that, alright?"
She nodded. "Then, about those nightmares…"
Nick glanced at her, once he was sure that he was in control of his breathing. The faster than usual beating of his heart was now the only symptom of his reluctance to speak, but he ignored it. He took a deep breath and leaned his head back on the seat while closing his eyes.
"When I was a kid, I didn't have more bad dreams, or nightmares if you wish, than others. But after the incident that wrecked my brain, they grew in number. There were months when I would have them every night, usually resulting in me waking up screaming in the middle of the night," he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. "At one point, it got so bad that our neighbors called in the police, thinking that my mom was beating me at nights. This happened several times, until we were forced to leave our apartment or my mom would most likely be arrested for alleged domestic violence..."
There was another clink from under the table when the fox tugged at the cuffs, something that didn't go unnoticed by the rabbit.
"We had to move into a flat in one of the poorest and dirtiest parts of the city, almost doubling the distance to mom's workplace. It was tough, hell even more than that, considering my mental state. I remember hearing my mother crying into a pillow at night on several occasions. Still, she never complained. She always talked to me with a smile, always made sure that I was properly dressed and equipped with lunch for school, which I had to change after the incident with the stairs, always taking care of me before herself…" he lowered his head and a faint, tender smile appeared on his face when he recalled Vivian from that time. "You know, in a way my mother is the toughest female I've ever met in my life. At times, I thought she is indestructible, to receive so much beating from fate and still stand with a smile and her head held high. She truly is amazing…" he said more to himself than to Judy, before shaking his head a bit. His gaze was still focused on the glass of water, "But I digress, as you asked about nightmares," only then he raised his eyes and they widened when he noticed the sad rabbit in front of him. Tears were trailing down her cheeks, leaving damp marks on her fur. That and the corners of her mouth curving down, she looked the very essence of an emotional rabbit.
"Oh, Nick…" she sobbed, wiping her eyes with a back of a paw.
It made his heart ache to see her in such a state, so he attempted a joke to break her out of this sad condition. "Hey now, this was supposed to be hard on me, not you."
Judy sniffed, once again tracing her paws over her face to get rid of the overflowing tears. "Sorry, I just…"
"Should I stop? Because it's not going to get any prettier from here," this question surprised her and her ears instantly sprung up.
"N-no!" she placed her paws on the table, focusing her gaze on the fox. "I'd really like to hear more!" just as she said this, she shuffled back a bit. "What I mean is… I hardly know you Nick. I know nothing about your past, nothing about the things that made you into…," she waved a paw in the air, trying to find a proper word as her gaze fluctuated from her paw to him, "you. I get that you probably see me as overly curious, but I simply would like to know you better. To understand you better."
When she finished speaking, Nick's shoulders flinched once...twice. And then he let out a heartfelt chuckle. "Carrots, you really are something else," he leaned forward, placing his uncuffed elbow on the table. "Fine, but don't say later that I didn't warn you."
Judy wiped the remaining tears and nodded with a determined glint in her lavender eyes.
Nick sighed, his usual reaction when he talked about himself. "Nightmares… Did I have them as a kid? Yes. Do I have them now? Not a week goes by without a hellish dream to break me from my slumber with a scream and a cold sweat," he noticed how her nose twitched. "It's not something you get used to over time, the experience is as horrible now as it was at the beginning."
Nick took another deep breath, surprised how calm he was at this point. Normally, he'd be completely nauseated and suffering from a horrendous migrane, but the mentally exhausting sessions with Miss Shavala seemed to be quite effective. "The only real thing I felt through my ENTIRE life was fear. For years I couldn't relate to anyone regarding life, regarding feelings. Empathy? Anger? Sadness? Joy? Those were alien terms for me," his eyes weren't looking at the doe anymore but somewhere else entirely, losing focus with every word spoken. "And that last thing, that last strand of sanity left in my mind was that feeling of the cold chill that shakes one's spine, that feeling twisting one's gut with an icy grip…"
"Back then I came to a conclusion that it was the only thing that made me different from a machine, so I clung to it like my life depended on it...and it embraced me back, lurking in my sleep and at the every corner of my life…" he paused briefly and clenched his paw. "Looking at other mammals in our neighborhood, I saw that everyone fights their own struggle with life and how much it costs them, so I concluded that this everlasting fear was my price to pay. And those dreams, those nightmares… they were one of the factors that forged my 'don't let them see that they get to you' attitude. To never show anyone how it affected me, so they would portray me as a regular living being," he tapped the side of his glass with a claw and raised his eyes to look directly at Judy. "And then you come along and it all starts to crumble."
The grey doe blinked, brought out from the trance like state she was in while listening to Nick. "S-sorry? What does it have to do with me?"
"You've changed things, Carrots. I've been fine on my own for so many years and here pops up an overly-enthusiastic bunny and approaches me, not only like there is nothing wrong with me, but refuses to let me go and wants to be friends. Friends, a bunny and a fox. And the weirdest part?" a faint smile appeared on his face. "I thought that I'd really like that. It was a completely new and unique experience to me, Fluff. Someone wanted me to be their friend," he tapped his finger on the table. "To this day I have no idea how you did that. And let me tell you one more thing: you scare me," the use of this word and the emphasis the fox put on it made her quirk a brow in puzzlement.
"Really? A big, bad fox is scared of a little bunny?" she tried to pose this as a joke to hide her own bewilderment, but failed.
"Yep. Because you're so persistent in looking at me, not at the image of me I've built over the years, but at the fox beneath all those layers and you think that you'll discover a decent, good guy there-"
"And you think I won't find one?" she cut in without hesitation, her gaze locked on his face.
Again, trained control stopped his eyes from widening in surprise. "Well..." Nick put on his usual smirk, but this time his body betrayed him in part and his arm jerked unintentionally, trying to break free of the cuffs, causing the metal around his wrist to clink. The sound was noticed by Judy, as she briefly glanced down where his paw was cuffed under the table. It gave her the answer she wanted.
"Why not, Nick?" the doe pressed on, this time her voice laced with concern.
The smirk disappeared from the vulpine's face and he also noticed the first uncomfortable spark of pain in his head. He opened his mouth, but his throat clenched up and didn't allow words to be spoken. Another clink from under the table. *Damn it… this isn't good, not good at all!* Still, he shook his head to regain his control of thoughts. *Get it together, Wilde! You're not a kid, just speak dammit!*
"Carrots, I…" he swallowed and his eyes dropped down to stare at the table instead of her. "I did a lot of stupid things in my life. Things I'm not proud of and I've hurt a lot of mammals in the process…" his cruel memory flashed a picture of Snowflake crying over her father's coffin. "Some of them quite terribly… and they will never forgive me for what I did. I won't forgive myself for doing it. And you can be sure that I will always remember…"
His breathing sped up as he felt the pain grow slightly. "My mother told you how my memory works, right? Then you know that I'm incapable of forgetting anything. So no, I don't think that you'll find someone good beneath all that." He finished talking while his paw on the table clenched, dragging his claws over the surface and leaving deep scratch marks. The little spark in his head grew, causing him more pain.
"Nick…" he heard her soft voice, but didn't dare to look up. Instead he continued talking, before the symptoms would make it impossible.
"Let me say something more. And please don't take it the wrong way, as I will explain why. It's… it's that my nightmares changed and intensified after I've met you. All the things… all the mistakes I've ever made in my life begun chasing me in my dreams. I tried to think of the reasons that could cause this, as it never happened before, not in this form. And I came to a conclusion that it's because of you...Don't interrupt me!" he practically barked, not even needing to look up to know how the bunny would react.
"Please, let me explain…" he clenched his teeth, stifling a growl. "The school incident, the muzzle incident…those things made me build a shell around myself and I was confident that I was safe in it. I refused to let anything in for years, except the brief time with Irene," his cuffed armed tugged once more, with greater strength, and Judy's eyes widened from worry when she felt the table shudder, "and nothing got to me. Not any sympathy for others, neither a feeling of guilt for my actions. And then you come along...approaching me like you don't see any line between us. You easily scaled every wall, slid through every fence and jumped over any barrier I've erected around myself. You infected me with your belief that I, a fox and a hustler, can become something else and do some good in this world. You've unchained me, Carrots. Did what I believed was impossible and…" he paused, wincing slightly from the growing migraine, "and you've made me feel again."
At that point Judy let out a quiet gasp.
Nick didn't stop with this, as he had resolved to tell her as much as he could. "This caused me to look once again at all the things I did and reevaluate them. And everything I've locked away for all this time has come back to haunt me. The empathy, guilt… All those things combined-" he paused, clenching his teeth at the growing pain swelling in his mind. "For the first time in my life I had to use sleeping pills. I had to use them through the entire time at the academy and when we visited Bunny Burrow."
Another painful sensation exploded in his head, making him close his eyes and grunt. Right after that his free paw shot up with a raised finger to stop Judy's comment. "I'm not finished, Fluff! And I know you enough to tell you not to you feel guilty over this even for a second, okay? Just don't, because I don't regret it! I treat this as a bitter medicine that I need to take, because without it there is no chance for me to change!" he stated this with a clenched fist before beginning to pant heavily.
His migraine choose this moment to once again remind him of his physical reluctance to talk openly and clutched his mind with excruciating pain. Nick whined and grabbed his head, not noticing that at that moment he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. His eyes darted around wildly and heart hammered in his chest. "I'm… I'm not just a hustling fox, I don't want to be treated like a criminal, I want to be something more, something better…" he mumbled, shaking his head while his body began trembling. His building panic was about to reach its peak when he felt a pair of paws slipping around his neck, pulling him into a hug. Only then he registered that Judy had walked over the table and now stood in front of him, holding him tightly in an embrace, helping his headache to slowly dissipate and shivers to go away, but raising the fox's body temperature.
"It's okay, Nick. You're okay," she whispered in his ear while gently brushing the fur on the back of his head with one paw. She continued her ministrations until Nick's breathing slowed down to a normal level. "I told you already, you're so much more than your past."
She pulled away and eyed him carefully, placing one paw on his shoulder and the other on one of his cheeks. The vulpine's gaze regained its focus as he concentrated his eyes on Judy and froze when the awkwardness of the situation sunk in. The very girl he loved was mere inches from him, caressing the fur on his face. He was lucky that she broke the hug, else she'd feel how much his heartbeat had accelerated again.
"Carrots…" he began in a hoarse voice, barely able to make words come out of his mouth.
"Shh," she hushed him and reached back for a napkin from the table, "you shouldn't have pushed yourself so much, Nick. You're bleeding," the doe wiped the side of his mouth with the piece of material. He flinched from the way she held his muzzle on one side and how she brushed the other with the napkin. Judy noticed this and misinterpreted it, so she quickly mumbled an apology for hurting his cut lip.
"Fluff…" he tried again, his voice strained even more. *Please... move away…* his mind begged, while he struggled with keeping his arms from wrapping around her.
"I'm sorry. I really wanted to know more about you, but never for a price of you getting yourself hurt," she said with her ears flopped down and slightly raised brows, indicating her feeling of guilt.
One more second of this and he wouldn't be able to control himself. "Carrots, not that I'm complaining, but you do realize how this looks from the side?" Nick mustered the best smirk he could under current circumstances and pointed a finger back and forth between them.
His words made her blink and from this close he could see in the tiniest detail how her eyes widened, as the realization of their position crystallized in her head. She hopped back on the table and scrambled to her seat, grabbing her ears and pressing them to the sides of her head. The doe was red all over her face and kept shooting glances around to see if anyone noticed the scene between them.
"Relax," Nick said this to her, but also to himself. "Stuff like this happens all the time, nobody's going to care what we are doing," he said, picking up the napkin she dropped and put it to his mouth where he bit himself. *At least, not if we were a normal couple. Interspecies pairs… that's a completely different story.*
Judy eventually released her ears and took a solid swig of her drink to calm herself. "S-sorry, I just got carried away and-"
"No need to apologize, Carrots. If anything, I'm grateful," Nick cut in with a smile, while his mind was doing its best to calm down the raging feelings inside. "I… I don't get emotional easily, but if something really hits me I tend to get panic attacks. However, this time I had a bunny fond of hugging who helped me to calm down. Thank you."
This caused the corners of her lips to tug upwards. "I couldn't just sit still and watch you suffer, Nick," she raised her eyes to look directly at him. "And let me say one thing: you're not a bad mammal, Nick. Do you know why? Because even if you have done things that were, in your eyes, worth condemning, you have the conscience that makes you feel guilty. And that means you know the difference between right and wrong, that you have admitted your wrongdoings and want to correct them, right?" she gave him a smile that warmed his heart and dispersed his dark thoughts. "Look, I can't claim that I know what you've been through and understand all your actions, but you have shown me the goodness in you and I will not be swayed to believe otherwise. You're a good fox, Nick."
He stared at her.
Nick sat completely still, his mouth slightly ajar and couldn't utter a single word. What he just heard was, until this moment, unthinkable for him. For more than half of his life he never concerned himself with moral aspects of his deeds or view them through a filter of philosophical debate between good and evil. He just… did things. But right now, this cute bunny pieced back together what was left of the innocent child within him, that Nick considered dead since he was nine. And looking back he now knew that he did horrendous things and at the same time wanted to correct his ways and make amends for the crimes he's committed.
He directed his gaze to his partner's now concerned expression. *How on Earth do you do this, Fluff?* he thought to himself. She was the first mammal, apart from his mother, to openly say to him that he's 'a good mammal'. The fox took a deep breath to refocus on the conversation at paw.
"I'm not so sure about that, but… thank you."
Judy shook her head. "I am sure and you won't get rid of me before I convince you to believe it, deal?" she held up a fist over the table and gave him a smile.
Nick stared at her paw for a second before letting out a chuckle. "If you say so, partner," he lifted his own arm and bumped fists with the bunny.
At that point they decided to take a break and get something to eat. Nick teased her about choosing something with carrots again, after which she stole a portion of his own food with her fork.
"Say, Nick," Judy said after chewing the last bit of vegetable from her dish, "mind if I ask you about your, um, personal life?" she inquired with a slightly hesitant voice, apparently not sure how he'd react to this question.
But the vulpine only grinned. "Ooh, so now we're getting to tough questions, eh?"
"Har, har. I wanted to ask if you…" she paused for a fraction of a second, "if you have someone."
Nick's ears flickered and his mouth formed a wicked smile. "Why, Carrots. I'm flattered, but I thought that you already have a boyfriend," he chuckled to hide his annoyance at that fact.
But Judy didn't falter from his words. "I have. But I don't know if you have a girlfriend. I'm asking, because Jackie told me that you already have someone you... love," she was a bit worried about using that last word, but didn't know how to phrase it differently.
*That spotted, little… No, wait. No point in getting angry at her, she only told the truth. And it's not like I forbade her to say that I actually love someone. Pretty smart, Spots,* he sighed internally and returned to the matter at paw. *How to tell her the truth without telling the truth?*
It's not that he didn't want to confess to Judy. It was the matter of the fear that held him back. The fear of her rejecting him or, which would be far worse, looking at him with disgust. *Or even…* His body almost shuddered from a sudden chill that flushed through his insides.
Irene…
*I'd rather die than experience that again…* His eyes lost focus for a moment, being only two organic objects without life. But then he snapped back to reality as quickly as he lost himself to his dark thoughts.
While interspecies relationships happened occasionally, they were still very rare and not looked upon too kindly. The other thing was the fact that those were prey-prey or predator-predator relationships. As far as he knew, there was never a prey-predator pairing. Therefore, he rathered to have her as a best friend and a partner, than risk seeing the shock on her face and building a wall between them.
Still, he could play with words a bit.
"Spots sure likes to gossip, if she'd pair up with Clawhauser they would rival any tabloid with the amounts of rumors they could produce," the fox shook his head. "But to answer your very personal question: yes, there is a girl that has stolen my heart."
Judy's eyes widened and ears rose high above her head. "Really?!" she gasped and instantly put a paw over her mouth. "I-I mean that it's a bit surprising, well I mean how fast it happened. I didn't mean any offence," she stuttered her explanation.
Nick gave her a smug grin, his muzzle resting on the unrestrained paw. "Well, I think it's rather a case when I was charmed with her for a longer period of time and only recently realized my feelings. By the way, I have you to thank for that."
"Me?
He nodded. "Mhm. However cheesy it sounds, you've freed my heart, Carrots. Or rather, pieced it back together. Thank you."
Judy's lips formed a wide, warm smile. "I'm glad that you're happy with it," she supported herself on elbows. "Soo, are you going to tell me who is this mysterious lady?"
"No way! Where would be the fun in that?" Nick sent her a wink.
She giggled in a way that the vulpine would call 'cute'. "Oh come on, after a confession like that you have to tell me some more. At least some details. Is she pretty?"
Nick gazed at her with half-lidded eyes. "Beyond words," he murmured with a dreamy voice.
"Care to elaborate a bit?" she motioned him to talk more.
He leaned back in his seat, this time he could tell her the complete truth. "When I see her, I wish for time to stop so that I could gaze at her forever. She is so beautiful that her mere sight is only a step away from stopping my heart. Her scent pushes me to the edge of sanity and causes my nose to focus solely on her. She could stand in a crowd of females deemed to have the sweetest, most entrancing smells and I would still feel only her fragrance. There is only her for me and I would never accept anyone else. And her looks at times drives me mad with such intensity that my instincts demand that I push her down and have my way with her. However, I would never do so, for I consider her the light of my life and would sooner bite off my arm than do something she wouldn't want me to do. Still, I can't help to gaze at her lustfully, because she is too gorgeous for me to stop myself from at least this level of craving. So even if I ban myself from touching her, I would still ravish her with my eyes. Tracing every curve of her body, devouring her whole glorious form and letting my imagination run wild to picture what would happen if she'd remove her clothes, open her arms and ask me to embrace her."
He said all this while keeping his eyes locked with Judy's and the doe listened with her lips slightly parted. She was so entranced by the passion behind his words that barely noticed that he finished talking.
Even sitting on the other side of the table, Judy felt that the temperature at their table has risen. It was such a heated confession that her throat dried and demanded a drink. She unconsciously tugged at the collar of her top, trying to cool off her body a bit.
"That's… intense," was the only thing she was capable of saying.
Nick grinned widely, flashing his teeth. Somehow, the sight of his sharp fangs made the bunny feel even hotter. Internally, she was praying that her partner won't notice the crimson color of the insides of her ears, which she kept pressed against the back of her head.
"Well, that's because she's hot," he rumbled in a way that forced her to stifle a gasp. The doe had trouble comprehending why his attitude, his smiles and his voice were affecting her in such a way. And he kept grinning at her!
To escape from the trap that the vulpine caught her in, Judy switched topics.
"Okay, I get it. She's very pretty. Smart?"
Nick tilted his head to the side, taking great pleasure in watching Judy's reactions to his words. "Very much so."
"Do I know her?" Judy attempted to cool down her body through sheer willpower.
"Not telling," this time the fox shrugged.
"Uh, you! You have to give me something!" Judy huffed at the lack of information.
With another smirk, Nick leaned forward over the table. "Tell you what, one day I will kiss her in front of you, so you can know that it's her, deal?"
The bunny's nose twitched and she attempted to fire back, at the same time backing away a bit from her friend. "Y-you act as if you're trying to kiss me."
Hearing this, Nick's smile slowly faded and the fox let out a sigh. "Carrots, why do you keep thinking that I'm trying to jump at you?"
The doe blinked. "W-what?"
"I know that I have made some jokes before, my fault, I confess, but for you to think that every time I talk about a beautiful girl, I mean you…" he slightly narrowed his eyes. "It's almost as if you'd want me to say this about you," the fox kept his gaze on her, looking for all possible hints for her reaction to his verbal bait.
And he could see her stiffen for a moment, before she glared at him. "In your dreams, Slick!" her huff wasn't the friendly kind and Nick wasn't sure how much of it was just a mockery on her side and how much was real. What he wasn't aware, was that his face twitched for the briefest of moments when she said that. And Judy was a very keen observer. Thinking that his reaction meant exposing the fox's joke, she pressed on to use his own joke against him. "A bunny and a fox? I have never even considered it," she stated this in a light manner, with her lips spread into a wide grin while sending him a wink. This was actually an exaggeration, if not an outright lie, but she was certain that her friend didn't know that.
At that moment Nick replied with the biggest fabrication in his life.
A smile.
He imagined testing the waters, but didn't expect being so severely burned. And it didn't have anything to do with any logical thought. Nick was aware that she could be only saying this to tease him, but it was of no importance now. In his mind, the scene was captured into a mental file and catalogued to torture him forever, real or not.
*Does she really mean that? What did that wink mean?* once again he cursed his inability to read this one mammal. If this was anyone else, he'd known instantly about their thoughts and intentions. But not her. *Is it because I love her?*
"My thoughts exactly," he lied, barely swallowing the painful knot in his throat. "Well then, leaving this topic behind, what do you say for dessert?"
She nodded vigorously. "Good idea, what about some ice-cream?"
Actually, both of them were glad that they could end this matter for now. Nick, because he wanted to avoid any further casualties and Judy, because she really needed to eat something cold.
Thankfully, their order arrived pretty quick and they indulged themselves with the sweet treat, occasionally exchanging jokes and teasing one another, but all of that was done in a light manner and never touched any more heavy subjects for the rest of the evening.
When they decided to leave, Nick insisted on paying for both of them, as being the one who invited her to come in the first place. Judy opposed a bit, but he wouldn't budge, so she reluctantly agreed. Walking outside, the doe put on her jacket and noticed that Nick only had his shirt, without any additional, warmer clothes. Even if this was Savannah Central, the chilly air made her shiver from the sudden change of temperature.
"You're not cold?" she addressed Nick.
The fox chuckled. "Hah, I've spent so much time on the streets that it's almost like second home for me," he sent her a wink. "I don't get cold that easily, Fluff."
"If you say so. Just keep in mind that it's December, even if it's pretty mild this year," after mentioning it the bunny brightened up. "Speaking of which, what about your Christmas plans? The date is getting closer, you know?"
Nick only shrugged. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not really a Christmas kind of guy. The last one I celebrated was one with my mother years ago and it wasn't exactly a fairytale picture," he glanced at her and noticed her expression, which made his ears to fall a bit. "Hey, hey, stop showing such a miserable face all the time or I'll get depression just from hanging out around you."
"Um, sorry…" she fidgeted with her fingers. "It's just that I always spend this time of the year with my family and it's hard for me to imagine spending it alone," then her ears perked up. "Say, Nick would you-"
"No, thank you. But it's nice of you to ask," seeing her surprise, Nick let out a chuckle. "You were going to invite me to Bunny Burrow for Christmas, right?"
"Well, yeah… But why not? You could even bring your girlfriend."
The hustler's automated counter-reaction inner mechanism stopped him from flinching. "Not happening, she is a family mammal and spends her Christmas with them. We're not at such a stage to spend Christmas together."
Her ears fell miserably. "But, won't you be lonely?"
He let out a strained sigh. "Not really, mostly because I'm expecting an invitation from my mother this year and even if by some miracle she won't pester me about it, I will ask her myself," he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his trousers. "Plus I imagine that Rose and Silver will join us too, which already makes it pretty crowded by my standards," he omitted the part about being around her for 24 hours a day, which presented a very real danger of a situation where the heat medicine wouldn't be enough.
Judy's ears fell down an inch. "Oh, I see…"
Nick couldn't help, but to smile. "Hey, just a few days without me and you already look sad? I'm flattered, Fluff."
He got an answer in form of a swift punch the the side. "You're giving yourself too much credit, Slick."
The fox chuckled and rubbed the spot she hit. "Are you saying that you won't miss me?"
Her reaction was ears shooting straight up and right after that flopping down. "I didn't say that! I just thought that you would spend Christmas alone and I assumed that maybe you'd like to have some company," she lifted her paws up. " I just forgot that you could spend it with your mother, sorry. It's just that… until now you gave off a feeling that you're more of a solitary kind of guy…" her voice turned into a mumble at the end.
He didn't interrupt her little speech and kept smiling when he leaned slightly towards her. "So, you will miss me, then?"
She sent him another strike. "Of course I will," the doe huffed. "You're my partner after all. We're spending almost every day together, it's only natural that it would be a bit strange without you around."
Her words spread pleasant warmth within his chest and some of it seeped into his smile, which turned it into a little more gentle one. "Same here, Fluff," he confessed and ruffled the fur between her ears a bit.
She shoved his paw away and snarled at him for that, but this time Nick knew it was just an act. Her smile being a rather strong clue to that deduction. It was the same smile she put on every time he did something that the doe said that annoyed her, but she'd never really stop him from doing it.
"Say, Carrots," Nick asked once they began walking side by side. "Do you have some spare time or you got some other plans for the evening?"
Judy raised a brow. "I'm free today. Why?"
The fox rubbed the back of his neck and glanced straight ahead. "I still haven't got a present for mom and the girls, mind giving me a helping paw?" he gave her a quick glance out of the corner of her eye.
The vulpine was rewarded with a brilliant smile and grey ears perked up from excitement. "Of course!"
"Great! Then let us go explore the possibilities," he rubbed his paws and they headed toward the closest shopping mall in the district.
.
.
The room was dimly lit, the flickering of candles depicted on the ceiling and walls. They were placed in a circle, giving off just enough light to see. And right in the middle of them, a bed. A big one, large enough for a rhino or an elephant to lie down. But the mammal sitting on the edge of the bed was not such a big mammal, she was much, much smaller. Nick's eyes widened from shock when he recognized the uniform, the fur, and those unmistakable, shining amethysts staring back at him.
"Hey, Nick. What's with the surprised face?" she purred while tracing a finger over her thigh.
Nick swallowed with great effort. Judy had her right leg crossed over the other at the knee and was leaned slightly back, supporting herself on a paw.
He blinked, dazed by the surroundings and the stunning girl before him. "Um… well… I, uh… Just admiring the scenery," he indicated the candles.
She tilted her head a bit and gave him a look of her half lidded eyes that sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. "Sooo," she purred, prolonging the word. "Am I not worth your admiration?"
His ears shot up. "No! I mean, yes! I mean- oh sweet cheese and crackers…" he shook his head at how entangled his tongue had become just from one sentence from her.
She giggled.
It was a sound so sweet that his ears almost melted flom pleasure of hearing it. "Say, Nicky…"
He flinched, standing to attention, tense all over his body. "Y-yes?"
"It was such a taxing day, I'd like to lie down and rest, but you know," she ran her paw down one of her ears behind her head, "it's a bit uncomfortable to be in the uniform after a whole day. Would you mind helping by taking it off for me?" the doe sent him a look that turned his legs into jelly.
"Y-you want m-me," he fought a losing battle to regain his ability to speak clearly, "to t-t-take it off?!"
"Mhmm," Judy purred, causing him to swallow again. She switched the position of her legs so now the left one was on top. Judy did it in a slow movement that allowed Nick's eyes to register every flex of her leg muscles under the thin material. "Start with my hindpaws, please."
His throat felt like a Sahara desert. With a pounding heart, Nick knelt before the bunny and reached for one of the sole protectors. The fox's trembling fingers had a great deal of trouble with even grabbing the material, as he kept reminding himself that he had claws. He had to be extra careful not to scratch her, as In his current state, he couldn't fully trust his ability to maneuver his own limbs efficiently. Not to mention the fact of undressing the girl he loved and desired so much that it was almost physically painful for him. Fortunately, he was able to grasp the edge of the protector and pull it off her leg. Breathing out with relief from this small success the fox pulled off the second sole protector and put away on the floor next to the first one.
When he lifted his head, Judy met his eyes with a stare so intense that Nick felt a wave of heat coursing through his body. It wasn't the playful, happy gaze she usually had. These eyes spoke of a hunger lurking in the depths of her shining amethyst gems. The fox was aware of the growing tightness in the lower region of his clothes, but still didn't dare to act on his instinctual desire and jump at the female. However, she wasn't making it any easier for him.
Judy straightened up on the edge of the bed and ran a finger down the middle of her chest in an agonizingly slow pace. "My vest?"
Nick would bet all of his earthly possessions that at this point at least half of his brain liquified. "V-vest…" he repeated the word in a hoarse voice.
The doe nodded and raised her arms, folding them behind her head, giving him full access to her chest, never breaking eye contact with him. Nick moved his paws like in a trance, fingers getting closer to the protective part of her clothing. Compared to his current trembling, the first experience with the foot protectors would seem that his finger were steady as a rock. The fox once saw her taking off the vest after one of their shifts and remembered that there were small clasps on the side. The remains of his sanity suggested shuffling himself a bit to the side for better access, but just when he began moving, Judy let out a soft groan of disappointment and snatched his left wrist.
"This way is easier, dumb fox," she purred while leading his arm around her back and over to her left side. This movement caused Nick to stumble forward and the vulpine ended up with the end of his muzzle a mere inch from Judy's nose.
His eyes shot wide open and he tried to speak to form some sort of apology or explanation, but his voice got trapped in his throat. The only result was his jaw moving slightly up and down, as if he was a fish thrown out to the shore.
Once again, the doe giggled, her eyes never letting him go from their mesmerizing grasp. It was another thing he registered, although barely, that she could effectively immobilize him with just a stare of those exquisite jewels.
"I'm waiting, Nick," she murmured straight into his face while her paws gently cupped the sides of his muzzle and lifted it a fraction of an inch to make sure that he's looking directly into her eyes. "Are you going to make a girl wait?"
His lungs refused any further cooperation and cut off the oxygen supply. The rest of the body seemed to be in agreement on that matter, because he couldn't think, couldn't move or utter a word, let alone a coherent answer. Instead, his fingers decided to take control and swiftly undid the clasps of the vest and the piece of her uniform opened at the side, sliding down a bit. A sensual gasp escaped Judy's mouth and her eyes rolled up a bit, partially hiding behind her eyelids.
Something in Nick snapped.
Gone was his self control when he jolted forward, lifting the bunny in the process and throwing her on the bed. He crawled on top of her on all fours, pinning her little paws under his.
"Judy, I…" he panted, his vision blurred from the overwhelming lust.
"What do you think you are doing?!"
Nick blinked, instantly brought out of his trance. Looking at the doe below him he saw a face contorted in pure disgust.
"J-Judy?"
Her brows were knitted together with anger. "Get off me this instant, you fox!" he jumped off her as if shocked by electric current.
"I...I…" he mumbled, completely confused by her sudden change.
She sat up and gave him a look that was a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "You thought that I find you attractive? That I like you?" the doe cackled, the sound scraping his soul like a sand paper. "Get real! I would never see you as a mate. I would never love you!"
Nick was backing away with every word spoken by her, shaking his head and mumbling barely audible 'no's' constantly.
Judy followed him, stalking almost like a predator. "Never."
He shuffled back some more, feeling his heart dissolving piece by piece, the unspeakable pain of it almost robbing him of his conscience.
"Never!" she snarled at him with a mocking expression.
With one more move Nick's leg reached the edge of the bed and slipped off, causing him to lose balance and fall backwards.
The fox felt the force of the impact when his back hit the hard, cold floor of the basement flat. Nick stared wide-eyed at the dirty, concrete ceiling while panting heavily after he fell off his bed. He could feel that his paws were drenched in sweat and his heart thumping in a much faster pace that he'd deem comfortable.
Replaying the entire dream in his mind, which was now firmly lodged into one of the files in his memory, Nick felt a wave of sadness covering him, pressuring his lungs, as if an elephant was sitting on him.
Without any proper words coming to his mind at this moment to voice out his anguish and nobody to listen, Nicholas Wilde folded his arms over his eyes. Wet traces on his cheeks appeared almost immediately and he stayed on the floor, crying in the solitude of his room until there were no more tears left.