Chapter 2
The Way of Growth
Three days after his initiation and ascent to the rank of Jedi Master, Anakin Skywalker sat upon his Council seat. It was not quite as comfortable, or sleek as those of the High Council Chamber back on Coruscant. But, then again at this stage who knew how that room looked? Anakin hadn't remembered it being hit by the 501st while there, but who knew? Regardless, that was a pointless mental exercise.
He sat on a seat, all of which had been dragged out of the many dilapidated ships strewn across the Pelennor Field. The bulk of the Jedi were a-ways off. All of them having fallen into routines that made some semblance of normality return to their lives. Jedi teachers led classes of younglings of the varying age ranges in meditation and lightsaber training. Masters and padawans strolled about the vast plains. Meditating, or speaking of the war. What occurred on Coruscant, and many other things. Many younger Jedi sought out the Jedi Masters of the Council. Seeking guidance, wisdom...in truth someone to talk to. So many of them living with guilt and shame. For things they could not control.
Some of them had to kill their clone comrades as the troopers turned on them. Some of them watched their clones kill friends and mentors. Some watched their students be killed. Others were shot and barely managed to survive. Bearing scars upon their bodies not made by droids of the Separatists, but clones. Servants of Darth Sidious. The mental scars of Order 66 loomed over all. Even the younglings. The children were not wholly free. So many of them remember the Temple alarms blaring. Older Jedi running through the halls with the armed and loyal Temple Security troopers. The shooting, the buzz of lightsabers. Cut down men, women, and whoever else strewn among the halls. Explosions ripping holes in the great ziggurat.
Anakin could not blame any of them for having visions of that terrible night. He didn't blame any Jedi for having seeded misgivings, trauma and unspoken malaise revolving around Order 66, Knightfall and those two days of terror. Anakin ran his right mechanical hand through his short blonde hair. The locks would need more time to grow to the prior length. A look he came to define as his own. He too bore scars of those nights. The turmoil within having hardened his resolve to resist Palpatine. His one time friend, and mentor. Come to be revealed as, Darth Sidious.
He and his friends from this very world had done much to try and stop Palpatine. He had managed to defeat Master Dralig's apprentice, Serra Keto. Then he and the delegation, his friends, made their way to the Annex and got Master Fisto, his new astromech droid friend, and the proof of Palpatine's identity out. Only for Anakin to stay behind. To be tortured for hours. The mere beginning of what was likely expected to be a long series of events to reshape and reform him in Palpatine's vision. His mind having experienced many...many days, weeks even, of various tortures. Dreams lasting weeks. All of them ending in Padmé screaming. The twins the same. All dying. All feeding on the innate fears that swirled even now within Anakin.
Palpatine had failed to realize, however, Anakin had grown. He had changed.
The man took a draw of the cooled air as a breeze swept over Pelennor. Wind that came from the east and rolled down the mountains that stabbed the skies. Shadowing old broken Mordor beyond. This world, Arda, the friends he made here and the struggles he had faced here had given him clarity. Clarity not experienced under the Jedi and their teachings. Yet, built on a similar foundation.
Anakin would remember all those sights he saw. Those infinite hours where his mind was beaten and torn. Where he saw horrors of his wife and children in mangled forms and ways. He would not soon forget those terrifying visages and memories. But, he alone chose to give them power over himself. His blue eyes narrowed and he shut them after. Letting his head fall back, the morning sun shine on his face. He would carry them, they would not carry nor weigh him down. Not now, not ever.
"Anakin." He felt his Master approach. Anakin smiled and opened his eyes. Sensing the sun's shine fade, with the sound of grass crunching meeting his ears seconds before. Over him and staring down was the sight of the bearded Obi-Wan Kenobi. A cocked brow upon his face, while his hands were crossed into the sleeves of the opposing sides of his brown cloak.
"Am I interrupting?"
"No, Master. Just taking in the fresh air. Waiting on everyone else."
"I see." Obi-Wan hummed. Circling around the seat and finding the one to Anakin's right. Planting himself in it with a sigh, Obi-Wan eyed Anakin and chortled.
"What?" Anakin wondered.
"Oh, nothing. Just musing that I have to sit in Council with my own padawan. Of all people...the Council really has lost its mind."
"You were there for the ceremony!" Anakin guffawed. "You spoke several of the initiation rites yourself, Master! Don't even pretend you aren't proud of me."
"Ah, I've been caught. You're right, Anakin." Obi-Wan's eyes twinkled as he continued his soft chortling. "As I've said before, I am very proud of you for having made it here. Your own path has certainly been...unorthodox, but it has been yours. Whatever the case, it's an honor for any Master to see their student become so powerful, wise, and honorable."
"Alright, alright." Anakin waved him down. Pulling himself back into a proper sit, eyes facing Obi-Wan. A smirk on his younger features. Many of the electrical burns and streaks all but faded. Though that one scar down his eye still remained.
"Thank you, Master. It was your training that helped get me here."
"Oh we needn't speak anymore of it." Obi-Wan assured Anakin with a humble bow of his head. "We've gone through this before. I just can't help myself. Must be my age! Wanting to talk to the youngins' about what's come before."
"Finally!" Anakin sighed in feigned relief. "He admits his age!"
"So ready to mock your old Master, Anakin? Hmph…" Obi-Wan shook his head, equally feigning disquiet. "To think I just complimented you."
"That was your mistake, Master." Anakin beamed a grin. Forcing Obi-Wan to glare. Only to burst into soft laughter. Joined quickly after by Anakin. The two men totally at ease with one another. All prior imaginings or truthfully held reservations, and unease about the other lost.
Unseen, unheard, and unknown, a man in spectral form stood near. Long hair falling down his back. Qui-Gon smiled at the sight. Turning around he saw the rest of the masters approaching. He faded from all potential sight. It was upon those here now to shape the destiny of the Jedi to follow.
…
The rest of what made up the Jedi High Council joined Anakin and Obi-Wan. Yoda, Mace Windu, Shaak Ti, Kit Fisto, Plo Koon, Coleman Kcaj, and the newest member – even newer than Anakin, Master A'Sharad Hett. Much had gone spoken and unspoken between the two men. Back in the Temple during Order 66, Hett had been at the head of the defense, and relief efforts. He had gone valiantly outside the Temple to stir up trouble and divert the local garrisons mounting up for potential strike on the Temple while the 501st set up defenses.
Anakin and A'Sharad were...similar in many ways. Both from Tatooine. Both having experienced that world's particular grittiness. Both having been considered, in their own ways, prodigal knights. Though, A'Sharad had in many ways somewhat intimidated Anakin. His calm and prowess. His adherence to the Code even in the darkest of circumstances...and there was the final fact. A'Sharad knew of what Anakin had done tot he tuskens on Tatooine. The two having dueled briefly when Anakin had assumed Obi-Wan had been killed by Ventress. A'Sharad had forgiven Anakin. Telling him, that it was not his place to tell the Council of what Anakin had done. It was Anakin's. He had hoped his fellow knight would find the courage to do so someday.
Anakin suspected, that with all that had happened, A'Sharad may not have had it in him to even imagine telling anyone. Not with how decimated the Order had been. Not after everything that had occurred. The subtle bows, and nods sent Anakin's way almost seemed to be silent and unspoken placation. As though to assure Anakin he had not come to make trouble. Little did A'Sharad know. Little did Obi-Wan or anyone else here in this Council know…
Anakin breathed a sigh outwards. Eyeing everyone as they gathered in their seats. The High Council was down three members. Three vacant seats to be added. That was their duty today. Among a few other matters revolving around the upcoming Conclave here on Arda. Anakin wondered if there wasn't something selfish about what was to be said today? If he was doing more harm than good by contemplating that which had gone far too long unsaid? But...after everything that had happened, recently and before, secrets and more especially lies, did no one any good. They only festered. And though some could sit without stench for a time...eventually they all began to wither, rot and reek. Today was such a day, for cleansing.
"Welcome everyone." Master Windu began. Seeming much better than he had back on Coruscant. He wore his brown robes over top of his signature light brown tunic, singed and burnt from stray bolts of Palpatine's power. Unleashed when the Sith Lord had worn his ring. Though, just beneath, one could catch glimpses of the wide bandages wrapped along Mace's torso. Set and reset by healers from among the Order, and even Aragorn when the Jedi had first arrived on Arda. A mixture of Jedi healing, bacta tanks aboard the vessels, and some local herbs and tinctures Aragorn had sent over put Mace and many other Jedi on paths toward physical recovery.
"Today we meet to discuss a few matters. Foremost, the addition of three members among the Order to this very Council." Mace continued. The others, Anakin included, nodded. "Names should be presented, and we can debate them as we deem necessary. Addition to the Council need only require near unanimous vote." Mace explained, and Anakin sensed this was more for his and A'Sharad's benefit than any of the others. He appreciated it. Being sure to nod more prominently, showing his understanding. A'Sharad doing much the same.
"Very good." Mace carried on. "That being said...does anyone have a name they would like to put forward?" Mace leaned back into his own uncomfortable, durasteel chair.
"I have one, masters." All eyes turned as Shaak Ti spoke. The togruta having also suffered varied injuries facing down Serra in the Temple. She, however, was well on her way towards a full recovery. Her crimson flesh showing no outward marring, at least from where her brown robes and dress did not cover.
"Speak freely, Master Ti." Yoda encouraged. She smiled and nodded her thanks.
"Thank you, Master. Back when I, Master Secura, Mundi and the others had been attacked and stranded on Hypori all of us who faced Grievous showed incredible resolve. Though not all of us were as...able to withstand Grievous as Mundi had been, we all showed incredible character, and willingness to sacrifice ourselves in the face of a terrible foe. Though, throwing oneself at death does not mean one is inherently great, of course. That day was hard, and those of us who made it out were lucky. But, one among us was thought lost. Only to survive the attack and make his way back to the Order after the ordeal of his own means."
"Ah!" Yoda announced happily. "Master K'Kruhk you speak of, hmm?" The Grand Master intuited. Causing Master Ti to nod.
"Yes, Master. K'Kruhk has seen much battle. He survived Hypori, and he helped deal with the dark acolytes under Dooku's command. He survived Order 66. Showing great resolve in withstanding the darkness, and in his own capabilities as a whole. Master K'Kruhk has also proven to be a beacon for many young Jedi. Strong and wise. A good friend of many here. I suggest he be allowed to join us. To put his leadership and skills to greater use in helping direct the Order going forward."
"I agree." A'Sharad spoke. The mention of his own deceased Master, and his knowledge or friendship with the whiphid Master K'Kruhk doubtlessly shining through. Anakin could see no reason to refuse the whiphid himself.
"I also think Master K'Kruhk would make a fine addition to the High Council. Uh...respectfully, masters." Anakin shifted slightly. His equal position still something he had to get used to. The eyes of all turning to him and...revering or respecting his thoughts and statements was wholly unusual. Well...maybe not 'wholly,' but still strange. Strange that it was consistent now.
"I third the position." Obi-Wan began, thankfully pulling all eyes from Anakin. Allowing him to breathe normally again. "I have worked alongside K'Kruhk on many occasions. He is strong, talented, and wise, as Master Ti said. He forgives his enemies. Not a feat even some among us have adequately accomplished. He is deeply connected to the Force, and believes in pacifism, but not at the expense of the weak and defenseless." Ever the negotiator. Anakin smiled. Appreciating Obi-Wan diplomatic manner. His ways of making his position seem all the more reasonable.
"I concur." Master Koon simply offered. Followed by Master Fisto, Kcaj, and all the rest. A unanimous vote. That was that. Master K'Kruhk would be invited, and Anakin believed, likely inducted into the High Council.
"That's one position." Mace spoke for all once again. "We are still lacking two members. Has anyone else a name to put forward?" Silence momentarily passed. Leaving Anakin feeling awkward. Hoping this wasn't a sign nobody had thought of a name. Leaving everyone expecting...well everyone else to have found somebody. That'd be a sort of indictment all its ow-
"Hmm, a name I have." Thankfully, Yoda interrupted that notion. All turned to the little green Master. "Careful attention they have paid in protecting the youngest among our order. Led them he did, through the tunnels below the Temple. Out into the city beyond and to the wookiees. Master Bodo Baas. A strong character, a wise spirit. Alike and unalike his namesake of old. A welcome addition, determined, caring, and gentle. But, a warrior all the same. A Knight."
"I firmly agree!" Anakin announced. Reeling himself back in as he realized he had been too quick and loud. "I mean...yes. When you reminded me of everything he did, I agree. He, and you, Master Hett, did what I asked with the younglings during the attack on the Temple. I was merely the one to ask it. You two did much of the leg work."
"You honor me, Master Skywalker." A'Sharad smiled. Turning to Yoda after. "Master Baas and the others led the younglings and the littlest and most vulnerable among us through the depths of the Temple to safety. As you said, Master Yoda. How could I not speak in favor of him? I third the motion."
And, as before there came a unanimous agreement and 'aye' from all others. Leaving a final slot open.
"A final position remains open." Mace began again. "Has anyone a name to put forward?"
Once more silence passed. Though...Anakin realized many among the Council were actively thinking. It wasn't that they hadn't put thought into it. Anakin didn't think so, anyways. It seemed to him...as he received faint whispers of surface thoughts among the Council, that perhaps all here had varied persons in mind? It wasn't from lack of choice. It was from an abundance. But, in the face of the Council...one needed to show humility. It was expected of course. None could seem inclined to put forward friends or colleagues without good reason. Otherwise it would be nepotism. And, though a bit political, Anakin understood the reasoning behind it. The two that had been chosen were fine Jedi. Strong, but calm.
"Hmm…" Anakin intoned. A mistake...all eyes turned to him.
"Something to say, have you, Master Skywalker?" Yoda wondered. The title...spoken by Yoda too? It was...almost too much to believe true. Anakin chuckled clumsily once again. Feeling the weight of all staring at him...but he composed himself. Adjusting his shoulders and shifting into a proper full stature seat upon his chair.
"I have a name in mind, if the Council will allow me?"
"Of course." Mace spoke for all. Again...his deference felt strange. However, Anakin appreciated it all the same. Smiling his thanks.
"Well, so far the last two names have been worthy additions to the Council. I agree of course, Masters. Both Master K'Kruhk and Master Baas are wise and tempered leaders. I believe our third should be one among the fighting circles. A Jedi with a mind for combat. One who can be reasonable, of course. But, tempered by his reason is an inclination to action. Having two sides of an argument among us can only make our final decisions all the more well rounded."
To Anakin's offer the masters looked between one another. Silent eyes seeming to radiate their thoughts. All of them contemplating Anakin's words, and he silently allowed them. His own gaze finding Obi-Wan's. His old Master bowing his head. Seeming in agreement.
"And this Master, who would it be?" Yoda questioned.
"I put forward Master Drallig for the position." Anakin leaned forward. Clasping his hands together. "He is both wise, and strong. Having the Battlemaster of our Order among us would be beneficial. Especially in the days ahead for our unity, and strength. He has...endured much recently. He, nonetheless, fought valiantly within the Temple. I don't doubt he's still reeling from the revelation of his padawan's fall...but such a thing can only make one wiser. Should they not give in to despair."
"Wise words, Master Skywalker." Master Koon agreed, much as the others silently did. All nodding at Anakin's logic for the man.
"I am unsure if Master Drallig would take up the role." Master Fisto spoke. "Believe me, I fully agree with your statement, Master. What I mean to say is that Cin is still mourning his student. He may not feel ready to place himself on the Council." As Kit finished, Master Hett began.
"Master Drallig is also more committed to his battle tactics, and his swordsmanship. His tutelage is important for many in the Order. Several of us have learned the basic arts of lightsaber combat from the man himself." A'Sharad motioned his hand about. "What I mean to ask, is that can we expect Master Drallig to depart so readily from his classes and students for meetings such as these?"
"Time can certainly be made, Master Hett." Obi-Wan calmly rebuffed. "Master Yoda finds plenty of time to teach the youngest among the Order. As well, several among us this Council, have taught classes to the younglings and initiates when called or asked to do so. Master Drallig may be a committed teacher, but that only bodes well for his wisdom and tenacity. I feel at least."
"Hmm, I agree." Yoda nodded as A'Sharad bowed his head in acquiescence. "From his loss, much Master Drallig could teach. Humility, strength, and battle wisdom. All these things are welcome."
"Agreed." Mace nodded. "I have long thought of offering Master Drallig a place on the Council. Master Hett is right, in that Cin is prone to his swordsmanship and skills in that regard. However, that doesn't mean he can't do both at once. I think he would make a fine addition."
"As do I." Master Ti agreed and so too, did all the rest in the moments after. Even the dissent from A'Sharad was less a refusal and more a thoughtful musing. He agreed all the same, and Anakin felt all the more...involved.
"Very well. We have our choices." Mace began after the final 'aye' was cast.
"Next, the Council will consider certain provisions regarding the beginning of the Conclave. Time and dates, so forth…" Master Windu trailed off. His voice even, and to the point. As one would come to expect from the often times harsh Master. Certainly harsh seeming if nothing else. Nonetheless, Anakin listened and added his 'ayes,' or rare 'nays' as the meeting continued. Discussing matters revolving around the coming Conclave. As well as certain measures to be undertaken by some of the High Council itself. Notably, Master Hett wished to return to Coruscant with at least two dozen Jedi. To gather the bodies of the fallen as could be retrieved, and bring them back to receive proper rites upon their pyres. All were in agreement, of course.
Nevertheless, the day's meeting rolled on by. Certainly longer than the few Anakin had been privy to back on Coruscant. When he had been the 'Representative' of the Chancellor. It made his skin crawl to even remember it. His naivety, and his lack of humility and grace. At least at the very start. Still, he calmed himself. It was done, and passed. Over. He lived here and now.
"Therefore," Anakin shook himself back to the meeting. Hearing Master Koon's voice. "If we're going to send Jedi back to Coruscant to retrieve the dead, we should gather several parties to travel the galaxy. Search the worlds where our comrades have not responded from, and seek them out. Some may yet live who are without communication ability. Perhaps some have even gone into hiding prematurely?"
"With the broadcasts across the HoloNet, would they not know by now that the Order has been rescinded?" Obi-Wan wondered in counter.
"We cannot expect all to react rationally. Though it would be preferred, of course." Mace interceded. "I think it would make the most sense to at least search the battlefields where Jedi have failed to return. To gather the dead, and seek out the living if they yet remain. Return them to the fold."
"Agree, I do."
"Aye."
"Aye." The varied voices all agreed, Obi-Wan included.
"Very good." Mace nodded, mostly to himself. His dark eyes scanning his fellow Council members for a moment before he continued. "I believe that is all we had scheduled for today. If there is nothing else any of you need to say…?" Anakin breathed lowly. His heart pounding in his ears. His hands tugging at his robes upon his knees. He could feel Obi-Wan eyeing him from his right. While the other masters seemed to slowly sense Anakin's distress. But, he wouldn't give them the chance to ask.
"Here goes nothing…" He whispered to himself. Clearing his throat and taking a long drawn breath.
"Masters, I am in need of your attentions. I...I uh...I have something I must confess." Anakin began. His throat turning suddenly parched. While the masters all tilted about themselves. Glancing confusedly. Save for Master Yoda who watched Anakin quizzically, and carefully.
"Speak freely, Master." Mace prompted. Bidding Anakin to continue. His damn piercing gaze on Anakin. Making the younger man buzz with discomfort. It had to be done...it had to be said.
"All here are aware of my marriage. That much has become clear to everyone. The whole galaxy knows of it. I make no excuses for breaking the Code as it was...as it is. I made a choice. Right or wrong. I stand by my wife, and my family. It among several factors aided me in refusing Palpatine, and stopping him from his machinations."
"Know this, we do, young Skywalker." Yoda interrupted gently. "Judge you, this Council does not. Of no consequence, your marriage is to this Council." Silently all Jedi agreed...while one set of eyes, younger than most stared at Anakin. The tattooed visage of A'Sharad Hett saying nothing. His eyes squinting just ever more narrowly. Thoughts unspoken and unknown to all else.
"I thank you, Master. I thank all of this body, and all of the Order for accepting me."
"It was long owed, Skywalker." Mace...of all people! It was Master Windu who offered his words up. In a moment, Anakin felt his chest and heart swell with pride. Only to feel his heart sink into his stomach. To be recognized and trusted by those present here, even Mace Windu...he never could have imagined it before. But...with what he had to say...to ruin that so quickly after just receiving it…
The right thing. Anakin repeated in his head. It's the right thing. Gandalf's voice sprung to mind, and Anakin nodded. Turning his gaze back to meet all those looking on him.
"It is...with humility and...regret that I must confess to another...failing on my part." Anakin began, and thankfully nobody said a thing. Though, Anakin sensed Obi-Wan watching him near. A tremble of understanding flooded through the Force, and Anakin could feel strength. A slight jab of encouragement from his old Master.
"Before the start of the Clone Wars, while I was protecting Senator Amidala, I made an unauthorized trip to my homeworld of Tatooine. It was there we received the message sent by Master Kenobi regarding his findings on Geonosis. I had traveled to Tatooine because of the ceaseless visions I had been receiving. Visions in my dreams...nightmares." Anakin tilted his gaze up and met the eyes of the gathered masters. Turning he saw A'Sharad's eyes widened. He alone, along with Obi-Wan understanding what it was Anakin was about to speak of.
"Many times in those days...I asked my fellow Jedi. I lay no fault at their feet. But, so many told me that Jedi do not have nightmares. I believed them. Or...at least I tried to believe them. I was told time and again that dreams would pass. But, these did not." A sigh loosed from Obi-Wan. Anakin sent him a jab of his own through their bond. Assuring his brother he felt no ill will. Though, he knew Obi-Wan felt responsible for what had happened. And...at the time, Anakin had blamed him too. Letting it go, though, had been one of the better things Sauron had forced Anakin to do here on Arda.
"And these dreams?" Shaak Ti asked. Some among the Council already knew. Some of them Anakin had spoken with years before.
"My mother. She was...in pain. She was being tortured. And she called out to me." Anakin rubbed his hands together. His gloved mechanical over the fair flesh of his left hand. "I tried… I really had. I had tried to ignore the images. The sounds. But, when I was watching over Padmé...Senator Amidala, the nightmares only got louder. I...broke from my official duties and I, along with the Senator went to Tatooine. There, I learned from my old...owner," Anakin fought to contain the sneer that curled at the edges of his lips. "Watto – I learned that he had sold my mother to a man named Lars. Cliegg Lars. He bought, and then freed her. Marrying her after. But...one day...when my mother went out from the homestead...she was captured. Tusken Raiders." The statement caused some to turn to A'Sharad. He said nothing. Merely nodding. Understanding this story...knowing it. Perhaps, in some ways understanding how it was. Life on Tatooine where the raiders were concerned.
"She was captured then?" Master Fisto wondered, and Anakin nodded.
"She had been. She had been taken to their village, and tortured." Anakin raised his hands, in incredulity. "To this day I have no idea why? I don't know why they abducted and tortured my mother. Why they kept her and...hurt her. When I...found her she was tied to a rack. Beaten, whipped, cut into."
"Hmm...terrible terrible pain." Yoda grumbled. As though recollecting a memory of his own. Causing Master Windu to turn and observe the Grand Master for a moment. He too remembering something. A moment.
"What happened, Master?" Shaak Ti, her voice soothing, and soft wondered for all present. Anakin opened his mouth to speak. Words failed him. He shut his mouth. Opening it again. A whimpering sound from the base of his throat fluttered with an exhale. And, once again he snapped his mouth shut. Circling his head and shutting his eyes as memories assailed him he long wished never to recall ever again. Then, Anakin felt a hand upon his right knee. He opened his eyes and turned to see Obi-Wan. His mentor of old having placed his hand. Patting him. Smiling through his beard. Encouraging him with a brazen act of support before the far too often emotionally stunted High Council. None of them said a thing, however, and for that Anakin was appreciative of them all. But, especially Obi-Wan.
"Sh...she uh...well, my mother d...died, in my arms. She saw me...she spoke to me...she recognized me. And then...she died." Fluid dampened the corners of his eyes, but Anakin just managed to restrain the whimper upon his voice. Taking ragged breath and releasing the torrent of thrashing emotions into the Force as best he could.
"In that moment…" Anakin spoke. His face becoming shadowed in a flash. The darkness of old coming like the memory of shadow in the corner of a mirror. A semblance of something within, vile and snarling. An echo of that blackened obelisk stood over the defeated Palpatine's corpse.
"In that moment I saw red. In the moment I shut her eyes. And, then I got up and I killed them...all of them. Man...woman...child. All of them." Anakin's voice trembled. His body shaking. His shoulders quaking as he felt wholly uncomfortable in his own flesh.
Silence passed over the entire Council. All looking at Anakin, though some gingerly swept glances towards those sat beside themselves. Anakin shook his head. Feeling adrenaline shoot through his body. The sudden release of the tenseness in his muscles causing him to spasm like a rolling tide of unease. From the curve and dip of his back up and out the base of his neck. He still felt his stomach turning over and churning in unease. But...he had said it. Years and years of keeping that bottled up. He had finally admitted it. And, through the nausea he felt toiling at the divide from throat to gut...he felt pretty good about it. The veil and the weight both lifted at once, and no matter what, Anakin was freed of that secret.
"Know of this, did you, Master Obi-Wan?" Yoda asked, finally breaking through the quiet and uncomfortable fog. Obi-Wan turned, and without a sign of shame or discomfort he nodded.
"I did, Master. I've known for a few months now. Since before me and Anakin left this world. He told me what he had done, and I promised I would help him get through it. He's gone further than I had imagined, and he's outperformed even my own high expectations." Obi-Wan assured. Casting a genuinely proud smile toward Anakin.
"This is...quite the revelation, Master Skywalker." Plo offered. Sounding more shocked than anything else.
"Masters, if I may?" Obi-Wan quickly retook command of the conversation. Anakin sat quiet and with head diverted from sight. Though he listened, intently. His face flushed in shame and embarrassment.
"Much of the fault for what happened lay with me."
"Master-"
"Anakin, please." Obi-Wan shut Anakin down near instantly. "As his Master I should have been more consolatory. I should have approached the situation better. More quickly and more compassionately than I had. I imagined that his dreams would go away on their own. I failed to understand what an effect they could have on a young man who was not raised as we were. We who were raised in the Temple. I, frankly, was uncomfortable with dealing with it. Anakin's connection to his family seemed...almost foreign to me. Which in and of itself is only half reasonable. This Order, our Order, is one large family. Disquieted, uncomfortable, tense and terse. We all have brothers and sisters. Here in the Order. And, instead of meeting Anakin's needs head on, specialized as they were for one as himself – taken in older, taken in after my own Master's death, and proclaimed the Chosen One young. I failed to properly meet the call to tend to my student. My pupil's needs." Obi-Wan offered. His words heartfelt, and earnest. But he did not drop his 'negotiator; voice. He wasn't playing them. He was simply arguing from a position of knowledge and wisdom. Obi-Wan certainly felt the truth in his own words.
"Furthermore," Obi-Wan added. "It is unbecoming for anyone to use good acts to counterbalance the bad ones. Yet, I think the merits of what has occurred since that act bear importance. Anakin fought alongside me in the war. Anakin helped all of us present here in one form or another during the war. Anakin time and again saved the Republic, his troopers, fellow Jedi, and worlds from Separatist domination and tyranny. Not even to mention what was done on Coruscant during Knightfall and Order 66. Think whatever you will, masters. Condemn if you so choose, that is your right. But, I hold firm in my conviction that Anakin has more than atoned for a terrible deed. Terrible it is. Even now. A crime that is without excuse." Obi-Wan gave pointed glance toward Anakin. His old padawan meeting the gaze and nodding his silent agreement.
"Who among us can claim to have not made mistakes? We all have failed, or given into anger. We all have caved to darker impulses at one time or another. This is not to equate, nor to play whataboutisms with any among us. Rather, I merely speak on behalf of my old padawan. I speak in his defense. If you are to lay blame upon him, then you lay blame upon me as well. For that would be the only right and fair way to do so." Once again silence fell. Many eyes looking between one another. Tense thoughts mingled about the masters. But, a voice spoke up quicker than before, A'Sharad's voice.
"I too learned of Master Skywalker's deeds before this day."
"Did you now?" Mace wondered inquisitively.
"It was not my secret to share, Master Windu. To make a long story short, Master Skywalker, then a padawan still, confided his misdeeds with me. At that time I still bore my tusken attire. I spoke with him, and wished him to relieve himself of his burdened mind. I am quite pleased today to hear him do so. Of his own volition. For, in my mind, nobody can truly be sorry, or seek atonement if they are pressured to issues apology or regret. The courts can induce one to make apology, but unless it comes from within, and freely...is it truly an act of redemption?" A'Sharad posited. Shaking his head of the thought quickly after.
"Apologies, I ramble. My point being, is that I have hoped for my fellow Jedi to speak of this with this Council. Regardless of time, or distance it took to get here, I am honored to be sat beside him."
"Well said." Shaak offered. Smiling towards Anakin. Her own mind seemingly made up on the matter. Even if Anakin still felt uncomfortable about the whole thing.
"This is...a lot to take in, Master." Mace breathed a shallow sigh.
"Masters…" Anakin began again, finally. He tilted himself back and adjusted in his seat. "I do not speak of what I have done expecting to simply be forgiven and...have bygones be bygones. I did something terrible. And, I have done good things and bad in the intermediary. I do not make excuses, nor do I seek easy forgiveness. Which is why I must put forward an official request for leave."
"Leave?" Obi-Wan jumped at the word. Repeating it nearly with a gasp.
"Leave, Master Skywalker?" Yoda then spoke. "Only just inducted into this Council, you were."
"I know, Master Yoda." Anakin nodded humbly. "But there are some things I must do. Wrongs...as you have heard, that I must...seek some kind of redemption for. Not here. I cannot ask the Jedi Order to forgive me for what I did on Tatooine. That's the...easy way out." His eyes narrowed as thoughts unspoken and unknown ran through his mind.
"I wish...not to leave the Order." Anakin smiled thinly and earnestly. Emotion present upon his voice. "This...thing, this Order, it is my home. I have not been the most...appreciative member, but I have always thought of the Order as my home away from home. For, I have one with my wife. But, I cannot throw aside what I have grown up in. I do not wish to leave after all that has happened. Unless...of course it is decided that my presence hinders more than helps."
"None here could imagine that to be true, Master." Kit sounded genuine. The nautolan nursing his chest where his deep gouging wound still healed unseen.
"Thank you, Master Fisto. My point is that I have to take time away to deal with my family. My wife, and my twins. As equally important, however, I need to reconcile who I am. What I have done. In the name of the Republic, and Palpatine. Who I am as a person. What I did on Tatooine which...in so many ways helped lead me on a path that nearly thrust me into the arms of that...tyrant. The Sith Lord himself." Anakin's face hardened. Not angrily, nor callously. Rather, resolute in appearance.
"I must go, in due time. I must atone. I can only be honest about what I have done. And, from that I can only try to be better. I must go, to Tatooine. I have to do this on my own terms. Without the Order going with me. I cannot rely on it. But...I would like to return...once I am done. If...if the Order and this Council would have me? If necessary...I will surrender this seat, and...and my mastery."
To this...the silence did not last long. Yoda...chuckled.
"Hmm, hmm, hmm! Learned much, you have, Anakin."
"Master?"
"Wisdom, yes wisdom! Much of it do I hear in your words, Anakin. Understand what you have done, you do. Difficult, even for Jedi that is. To weigh actions taken and repercussions born of them, a good thing that is. Understand, you do, what path you must take. Need the wisdom of the Council on this matter, you do not." Yoda, spoke for himself. But, his words carried strength for them all. Shaak, Kit, Plo, Obi-Wan and A'Sharad were all seemingly in agreement. Coleman Kcaj listened and bore much the same manner as the others, while Master Windu rested his chin atop his intertwined hands. Saying nothing. His gaze distant in his own thoughts.
Eventually, however, it was Yoda who spoke again.
"Agree with you, I do, Anakin. Journey, you must. Time away to understand yourself, you need. To heal, and to atone. A good plan, it is. Not our business to enforce it, nor command it, it is. Wisdom enough do you have. Understanding what steps you must take. It is a wonderful chance given you, Master. Waste it, do not."
"Aye."
"Aye."
"Agreed."
"Aye." The masters began agreeing one after the other. Ending with Mace nodding, and lowly whispering his own agreement. Leaving Anakin to smile thankfully. Welled emotion threatening his eyes as he bowed his head. Humility at the fore. Deserved in the face of such acceptance from these masters.
"Thank you, masters. I shall...leave soon. But I will return for the Conclave. You have my word."
"Expect nothing less, we do, Master." Yoda chortled. "Your seat, waiting for you, it will be."
"Indeed." Mace added atop Yoda's words. None of the other masters having anything to say in agreement or refutation. The matter spoken and settled. The heavy weight lifted, and the path forward cleared.
"Very good." Mace drew a long heavy breath. "This Council is adjourned."
All the masters began to rise. Plo and Kit nearing Anakin and passing him well wishes and good luck. They wandered off with Master Kcaj and Ti. Both of whom passed Anakin similar well wishes. Giving him luck. Reminding him that the Force would be with him. Always. And, Anakin was supremely thankful for their words of encouragement.
"Anakin." He tilted his head up to see Obi-Wan staring down at him. He offered his hand, and Anakin took it. Rising up to his full height with a slight wobble. His left leg still not quite back to its full strength. Getting there though.
"Thank you, Master."
"I'm proud of you, Anakin."
"Yeah...well, it needed to be said." Anakin bashfully waved his master down. "It has been years in the making. That speech, that statement. I'm only glad it was as well received as it was."
"Your honesty is to be commended, Skywalker." He turned as A'Sharad neared. The fellow Tatooine native folding his hands into his robes. "I have little else I can say. The matter is not mine, but...as a fellow Jedi, I am happy to see you finally admitted it, Anakin."
"Sorry you had to tell everyone you knew, Master Hett."
"No need." The tattooed man smiled. "It was as much a relief for me, as you. Though, your burden remains. I cannot...claim to know what you must feel, even now. But, I do hope whatever it is you find on your journey going forward brings you greater peace, in the days ahead, Master."
"I've learned quite a bit on that whole 'peace' thing lately. Though, I think some would call it 'clarity.' this world...it helped in many ways. Maybe you should travel around it, Master Hett? You and some of the other Jedi."
"Ah," A'Sharad chuckled. "We shall see, Master. For now, my place will soon be on Coruscant. Hopefully the trip will be uneventful. The last thing any among the Order need is...dealings with wayward troopers and the Republic."
"I understand." Anakin nodded. "I wish you luck, A'Sharad." Anakin presented his hand. The long haired man looked down at it for a second. Before grabbing it and shaking it. Smiling, before silently patting Anakin's right shoulder. Stepping by Anakin and making the trek back to the Jedi camp. Though...once out of earshot…
"Is it me, or does Master Hett seem...a little out of it?" Anakin mused to Obi-Wan. "I mean...far be it for me of all people to talk about anyone else being out of it-"
"No, you're not alone there, Anakin." Obi-Wan agreed. Turning to watch the retreating figure in the distance. "I think...with the loss of Master Mundi, and the attack on the Temple, A'Sharad is taking it harder than many. He also has...a lot on his plate."
"Meaning?"
"Ah...not now, Anakin." Obi-Wan intoned softly. "There are some things you must learn through a proper Council meeting. Today is not the day for it."
"This a secret or-"
"No...not a secret. Not anymore. It's just not my place to speak of it outside of an official session, Anakin." Anakin observed his Master for a moment longer. But, eventually he bowed his head in relent.
"I understand, Master."
"Thank you, Anakin." Obi-Wan cleared his throat and turned back west, towards distant Minas Tirith. "So...you'll be leaving soon? You and Padmé?"
"Me, her, the twins and the droids. We have a few places we need to go. I...need to return to Tatooine. See a few people. See a few places."
"Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"I'm confident, Master. I have to do this on my own."
"Alright then." Obi-Wan smiled. Patting Anakin's left shoulder before turning back towards the camp. "If you need me, Anakin, you know where to reach me."
"I'll be around for a few days yet, Master." Obi-Wan turned, walking backwards away from his old padawan.
"Taking a little vacation here on Arda, are we?"
"Promised Merry and Pippin I'd give them a lift back to the Shire! Gonna see Frodo and Sam too."
"And I wasn-"
"You were!" Anakin grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow morning for the shuttle trip!" Obi-Wan chortled. Turning his back on Anakin and making his strides back to camp.
"Skywalker." Anakin jumped slightly. Turning over his left shoulder and around, he was faced by both Masters Yoda and Windu.
"Oh, sorry masters. I hadn't realized you were still present." He bowed.
"Hmm, needn't worry, you must, Anakin. Take my leave I shall. Though wish you luck on your journey once again, I do."
"Thank you, Master Yoda."
"Hmm, hmm!" Yoda gently hummed his laughter. Hobbling over towards a repulsor seat in the grass. Climbing atop it with a grunt and sitting upon it. The device whirred to life. Gently floating and carrying the diminutive Master back towards camp. Leaving Anakin alone...with Mace Windu.
Anakin turned to meet the dark man's gaze. As always, it was piercing, and grave in its own way. Looking seemingly right through Anakin. He shifted where he stood. Clearing his throat as he imagined all the thoughts that must have been floating through Mace's mind. After all...what was Anakin's confession if not an admission that Mace had been right to judge and distrust him? Anakin's shoulders sagged and he sighed.
"I'm sorry, Master. I-" The clicking of Mace's tongue shook Anakin from his statement.
"Anakin...I have misjudged you."
"Master?" Anakin's brow furrowed.
"I have...had conversations with several of the masters, of the Council. Especially Master Yoda since his arrival. But...I have misjudged you."
"Master, really, you don't have to-"
"Please." Mace raised his right hand. Prompting Anakin to silence himself. "A small boy, of nine years, standard count, came through the doors of the High Council Chamber, and I distrusted you from that moment. Your skill, your inherent ability? That was all plain as day. Your presence in the Force, raw and untapped was, nonetheless, luminous. Qui-Gon...a part of me was agitated that he had brought you before us in the middle of a crisis. The blockade of Naboo, I'm sure you remember." A wry smile graced the korun Jedi's face, and Anakin gave a slight smile in return.
"Of course."
"Yet, when Master Jinn fell, I joined the majority in voting for you to become Obi-Wan's apprentice. Ever since then I have thought you reckless, quick to temper. I have seen you through my lens of being. And, for that I am shown to be...well wrong."
"I...uh...I don't know what-"
"I am not a very emotional man, Skywalker." Mace cut him off. Gently so. "Not only because of my Jedi training, you understand? I am...not good with emotions as a whole. I have fought and trained myself to allow myself to be tunnel-visioned. The goals of the Republic were the Jedi's goals. As Master of the Order I have sought to regiment the Jedi as a whole. Tempered at times by Yoda's wisdom. But...not always. That is my failing."
"I think you've done well. With what hand you were dealt, Master." Anakin placated, but Mace exhaled a single scoff from his nostrils.
"You needn't try to make me feel better, Skywalker. I do not seek your sympathy for what I say. I understand what I have done has not been wholly good for the Jedi. I know what I've done in regards to you was not...good. My emotionless mannerisms, my dogged determination to conduct the Jedi as a force, and not as it was or should be has led to much of our blindness."
"The fault it not wholly yours." Anakin did as asked. Ceased placating, but spoke the truth as he understood it.
"Maybe not." Mace nodded. "But, I played an integral part in things shaping up as they are now. For that reason I have to strive. To make amends for my previous actions and my previous self. I may never quite be a reformist where the Order and the Code is concerned. But...you have shown me that I am not always right. Which, despite myself and my place as a Jedi...is a tough pill to swallow, Anakin." The Master's heartfelt admission was...strange to Anakin. The Force spoke of no lie or deceit. Truth alone spilled from Master Windu's mouth. It in many ways was amazing. Astonishing even! To hear the Mace Windu admit these faults of his own. Not because Anakin wanted to rub it in. But, because it was good. A healthy realization of one's own faults. Just as Anakin had admitted before.
"I thank you for sharing this with me, Master." Anakin bowed his head. Mace, however, was not done and spoke again.
"Often, Anakin, the reason I have been so emotionless, and cool-minded has been because...I have great darkness within me. All of us can, and many of us do. Jedi, Sith, people all. We carry darkness within us. Take but a few steps in one direction or another, and you submerge yourself in an oily muck you can't hope to escape from."
"I know the feeling." Anakin heaved a laugh. "Trust me."
"I do." Mace, again, thinly smiled. Bowing his bald head as he did. "Which is why I am telling you all of this. Because, instead of seeing you as someone I could help on your path towards becoming a better Jedi...I think...I think I saw myself in you. A Jedi lax in their emotions. A Jedi who was more freed of the restrictions the Code placed upon us. But, in my arrogance, I saw it as a threat. To myself, to my...personal manner. I believed you would do better to follow in my chosen path. Because emotion, and allowing that darkness to be less constrained would surely mean your downfall. Or rather, my own. Which is why I developed vaapad. To harness my own darkness. To channel it towards good. As best as I could manage, as best as I could fathom. Yet, even then I failed. Sora Bulq, Depa Billaba...even those who helped me create vaapad to harness and direct the darkness within fell to that darkness. In many ways I gave up on the notion there was a better way to react as a Jedi. The only means was directing the darkness within towards the 'good.' Which means my own haughtiness and superiority, the sense of it at least, meant I was a true Jedi."
"And I was not." Anakin finished. Nodding his head. "Master...we've had our differences. And I truly appreciate you telling me all of this. But, I hold no ill will. I firmly accept what you're trying to say."
"Which is?" Mace raised one brow. His gaze no less stern. However, unlike usually, Anakin grinned and boldly tapped Mace's right shoulder. Causing the man to gaze at the point of contact and slowly turn back onto Anakin.
"Sorry, of course. You're trying to say 'sorry.' Because you're not good with your emotions. Neither am I. We're two sides of the same coin, Master. We merely express our...weaknesses in different ways." Mace observed Anakin for a long moment. Anakin's face never abating his smile. Until...at last, Mace smiled a broader expression than Anakin had ever seen before. Hie brown eyes lighting up in some flourishing understanding. It was...a sight to behold, for sure.
"You have grown wise, Anakin. Master Skywalker." Mace bowed. To which, Anakin reciprocated. Bowing at his waist.
"As have you, Master Windu." The two men silently came to a fuller understanding of one another. And, not for the first time today, Anakin felt a weight lift off of him. He believed one had lifted off of Mace's shoulders as well. That made it doubly wonderful in Anakin's mind.
"But," Mace announced. Turning from Anakin. Moving off to his right and into an open space among the plains of Pelennor. Away from the seats. Anakin followed him. Watching then as Mace removed his outer cloak, and threw it to the grass the stray winds not strong enough to toss the robes.
"'Sorry' is not the only thing I sought to say. Come!"
"Master?" Anakin shuffled into the open field. Mace rolled his shoulders. Stretching his neck from side to side. Adjusting himself even through the bandages and healing wounds.
"Your knowledge and mastery of the djem so has served you well, Anakin. In many ways djem so, and juyo are related in their ferocity. From juyo was born vaapad." Mace grabbed his recently fixed lightsaber hilt. The sleek and shining nature of it glinting in the morning sun. With a flick, the purple beam sprung to life! Humming about the air, as Mace conducted a few introductory flurries and flourishes at his side.
"Draw your blade, Anakin."
"I…" Anakin paused. When had he ever been given the chance, at least recently, to duel Master Windu?! He wouldn't deny his body buzzed with a newfound excitement. A smirk passed his face, and Anakin disrobed to his dark tunic. "I am not yet fully healed."
"Neither am I, Skywalker."
"Good. It may be a fair duel!" Anakin grinned. Grabbing the hilt of the lightsaber that had cut Palpatine's head from his shoulders. Fixed anew by Anakin, he pressed its activation switch and the beautifully prominent blue of the beam burst to life. Anakin copied Mace, flourishing and circling his lightsaber at his side.
"This is no mere duel, Anakin." Mace chided gently.
"No?" Anakin raised his brow. "Then, what is it?"
"The final thing I wanted to say. Besides 'sorry.' A show of my atonement for my prior mistrust of you."
Anakin's brow furrowed. Curious, he waited and let Mace speak.
"Today I shall begin teaching you the vaapad form, Skywalker."
Suddenly giddy, shaking with exuberant adrenaline, Anakin beamed a wide grin. Never imagining before now such a thing would ever be done. Not especially by Mace Windu himself.
"You...honor me, Master." Anakin tipped his head. Knowing no more need be said of the offer.
Silently the two warriors of the Jedi Order fell into battle positions. A purple blade, and a blue. Humming, bristling. Two men. Opposing sides of the same coin, as Anakin had attributed. Silence hung but for the buzzing rumble of their weapons. The Force pulled in tight around both, and their presences in the Force bloomed with ferocity! The call for battle, but instead of caving to the dark, they pierced it. Utilizing it, especially Mace. A manner, a style, a form to be shown and taught to Anakin Skywalker. A sign of newfound trust.
Both men charged the other! Their blades crashed together in glorious rhythm and seething hiss! The Jedi on the outskirts of the camp called to those deeper within. Many eyes came nearer, but still at a distance. Some gasping, all shocked. Though some smiled, namely Yoda and Obi-Wan.
As Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker dueled. Mace learning to trust the man. Anakin in kind with Mace.
Vaapad shared, and shown to Anakin Skywalker.
L's Note: This chapter is only done so quickly because it was sent with the first. I merely decided to keep you people waiting. :D
Lol, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, regardless! As usual if you notice any severe grammatical errors let me know, and I will fix them ASAP. Again, don't expect this story to be as quickly updated as these first two chapters may make you think it will be. There will be ebb and flow. :)
Great to see so many familiar names favoriting, reviewing and following this story already! Welcome back peeps, YOU know who you are!
Till the next!
-L
Edit Note: Edited/Updated 08/14/2023