Mirror reflected his pathetic face.
Empty eyes stared straight into his soul, as if judging him, laughing. Sasuke's life was becoming an unfunny joke.
This is not how it was supposed to be. This wasn't the goal he had set for himself, this wasn't what he had shouted in his father's face, this wasn't why he had hurt her and himself, for everything to start ruining now.
Sasuke had one task - not to fall in love. Not to get close, or at worst, to stay on friendly ground. Yet, something had gone wrong. New, unknown feelings blossomed in his chest.
Mirror shattered into tiny pieces.
(two weeks earlier)
A sleepless night had its consequences. Sakura stared tiredly at the ointment label, unable to concentrate on reading. The old lady, the shop owner, looked at her with pity. Unable to stand it any longer, she approached Sakura.
"Is there anything I can help you with, child?" she asked kindly, gazing intently into the bloodshot eyes.
Sakura forced herself to smile.
"Do you have anything for the burns?"
"How big?"
Briefly she explained the extent of the wound, shuddering at the mere thought of it. The stench of burnt flesh didn't reach Sakura's nostrils until two hours later, when the emotions had drained out of her and Sasuke was already asleep, and she was watching his breathing as if he was about to stop drawing oxygen into his lungs.
The woman listened to her carefully, then reached to the very top of a high shelf, removing a medium-sized white bottle. She handed it to Sakura, explaining the properties in detail.
"It's best to apply twice a day for ten days in the morning and in the evening, immediately after bathing. Everything should heal nicely."
Sakura nodded every now and then, trying to focus on the old woman's words, though her brain struggled to get even a little sleep. Moving to the cash register, she took out her wallet and reminded herself of one more thing, "Sterile bandages also, please."
"Sure." the owner reached under the counter and took out a whole packet of bandages "That will be the total..." she stated the sum, and Sakura placed the deducted coins on the counter "Next time, please tell your husband to be more careful." She laughed lightly, sending a meaningful smile. She must have known Sasuke.
Sakura thanked her nicely and wished her a good day, stepping out into the fresh air. Sun was shining in her face, irritating her eyes. She wrapped her cloak tighter around herself, avoiding the curious gazes of passers-by. She had been here a year already, and still others were judging her.
As quickly as she could she reached the house, slamming the door behind her. With her back against the door, she drew in air with a loud mouth. At some point, those stares from people, their voices and pointing fingers began to irritate Sakura, causing her heart to speed up.
With a sigh of relief, she drew in the scent of home. Her eyes closed, she savored the momentary peace, clutching the shopping bag with her sweaty palm. Until she heard a rustling. Sakura opened her eyelids and Sasuke appeared before her. He stood, staring at her, further stupefied from a heavy dose of medicine, wearing sweatpants and with a naked chest.
Not even taking off her shoes, she moved immediately towards him. Sasuke didn't move away this time, letting her grab his arm. Sakura was at a loss for words, searching in his eyes for what she had seen over the past six months. What state was he in? What should she do now, how should she behave?
"Is it warm outside?" the question caught her off guard.
Sasuke sounded like nothing had happened that night. As if everything was the same as before. But it wasn't. Sakura had discovered a side of her husband she didn't know - this dark, self-destructive side.
"Yes, just the wind blowing." she replied, keeping her emotions in check "I bought you some ointment."
He nodded, brushing her fringe away from her forehead, "Thank you."
"Sit on the couch."
She pushed Sasuke gently with her hand, heading into the living room herself to unpack her purchases. Sakura pulled out a bottle, opening it and putting some on her finger.
"I'll do it myself."
Tension rose again at those words. Pressing the ointment to her chest, Sakura felt like her head was about to start spinning. She didn't want Sasuke to do it himself. She needed to look after him herself, to be sure that the wounds would disappear without leaving a trace. She had a need to take care of her husband.
"I'll do it, please." she said, almost pleadingly.
Leaving the subject, Sasuke swallowed saliva, relying on his wife. His gaze was fixed ahead of him, as if he didn't want to look at Sakura's face as she watched the burn with concern.
Her hands trembled, but she glided very gently, sensitively over the red skin. Her eyebrows were pulled down and she was biting her lips with teeth, but she was not crying. She didn't know how to begin the subject.
"Sasuke..." she waited until he looked at her "Would you like to tell me what-"
"Forget it ever happened." He interrupted her, in a firm voice, "You'll have a better life if you don't have to worry about me."
How could she forget about it? How could she not worry when she saw the madness, confusion and pain painted on his face? That sight would linger in her memory for a long time, not wanting to leave her. However, she ran a hand over her tired cheeks, well aware that refusing would provoke a now unnecessary discussion.
"Okay."
She finished applying the ointment, then took out the bandage and wrapped it carefully. Her head started to ache for good, throbbing incessantly. The tightness around her heart and the burning in her throat refused to stop. She thought Sasuke had locked himself in his thoughts, moving away from her even though he was at arm's length, but yet after a second he spoke.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine." She replied quickly, without thinking, begging him to believe her.
"Sakura..." He sensed her hesitation.
"You scared me a little yesterday—"
"That's not what I mean." he tightened his hand on her forearm "I know you want to talk about that night. And I want to know how much I hurt you."
She could have given an honest answer; she assumed Sasuke was counting on it, but the last sentence he said caused uncontrollable tremors throughout her body. What could he do to himself if she said he had hurt her terribly? She preferred not to know.
"Y-You didn't hurt me that much, really." her throat tightened "I don't know what I did wrong, because I thought everything was fine, but... but..."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"And yet you left me." She added more quietly, allowing her lips to curve downwards.
There was silence, punctuated by Sasuke's anxious breathing. One by one, he clenched and loosened his hand, tapping the other against his thigh. He struggled, twisting his face in anger (he was only mad at himself, as always).
"It's not your fault that I'm having problems, Sakura. I've been doing everything wrong for a long time and I can't stop."
For how long, she wanted to ask, to find out how many times he had hurt/punished himself. What led him to this state and about how many times he had harmed himself because of her. Was she guilty at all?
She felt that.
"I'm sorry this is affecting you. I will change."
"I don't want you to change, Sasuke." She took his hand "I want you to let me help you."
He pulled himself out of her grasp, shaking his head negatively "Let's not go back to that, I beg you." he covered his eyes. Sakura moved back on the couch, not speaking "So, are you okay?"
Evidently he was able to change his attitude quickly, leaving unpleasant topics behind and directing further conversation to whatever he wanted at the time.
Sakura tried harder now, framing her face in a sincere smile, and lied again.
"Yes."
The rest of the day passed in a new and strange atmosphere. They tried to play as if they had a clean slate again and their problems were not slowly coming to light. They watched another three romantic comedies together, laughing at the funny moments (they intuited when a scene was supposed to be funny). Sakura even caught a two-hour nap, skipping most of one movie; Sasuke paid no attention to this, letting her sleep in.
In between, she fed the cat twice, went to the bathroom, made dinner and sketched some portraits of her husband.
Late evening came and Sasuke went to wash up. Sakura asked him to try not to wet his wounds very much, then as he left she invited him to her room, explaining - "I have a more comfortable bed."
"I won't-"
"Don't discuss."
So he did not discuss.
Sasuke lay back comfortably, keeping his gaze fixed on the ceiling. Sakura set to work, preparing ointment and a bandage. She administered medication to her husband, without which he would die of pain and insomnia.
Starting from the neck, she went downwards in time. She covered every millimeter of skin with a translucent cream, giving a pleasant soothing sensation. The kitten accompanied her all the time, sleeping at night by Sasuke's side.
Finished, she looked at his torso some more until she came across, accidentally, because the cut was made in a very invisible place, a new wound. The red was glaring into her eyes and heart. Sasuke must have noticed that his plan to hide it had failed, because his throat tightened violently. Sakura said nothing, running an ointment over it.
"It will heal faster that way."
Turning off the lamp, she went to sleep on the couch.
The same action was repeated every morning and evening for the first seven days, until Sasuke began to be awakened at night by pain and nightmares.
Sakura reduced his dosage of painkillers and didn't give him any more sleeping pills, as some aunt of Sasuke's had advised her one day (he had forbidden her to go to his family). The first day he tolerated it well, but one night while she was sleeping peacefully a kitten came running to her, jumped up and started meowing, scratching her gently on the face. Instantly Sakura woke up, knowing something was wrong. She was right. Sasuke was writhing on the bed, screaming in his sleep.
From then on, she slept next to him to keep things under control.
Also, in addition to bandaging his burns, she dealt with the new wounds he created every day. She never shed a tear, never asked why, never begged him to stop, just covered each new cut with ointment, then tenderly pushed back unruly strands of Sasuke's hair and brushed her lips against his forehead, showing her support. After all, she had no idea what was going on behind closed doors and what demons he was facing.
Dream drifted away, bringing Sasuke back to reality. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes, squinting them against the light, and tensed his muscles as if something was about to attack him. He was not yet aware of his surroundings, but the scent reaching his nostrils momentarily relaxed him.
Opening his eyes, he saw long pink hair disheveled on a beige pillow. Sakura lay with her back turned to him, dressed in thin pajamas that accentuated her figure. The quilt had fallen to the ground, causing her short shorts to pull up, showing a chunk of her bottom. Wanting or not, Sasuke watched this for far too long, until he finally twisted to the other side, taking his eyes off his wife.
With difficulty he swallowed saliva, running a hand over his still tired face; the nightmares were not good for his rest. This woman would one day be his doom. He had seen her happy, sad, angry and aroused, and he liked every version, even though he shouldn't have. She evoked terror in him, triggered bad habits and destroyed him from the inside.
Sasuke had set himself a goal before he met her, and once he did, he had to make it to the end, he couldn't back out. That was exactly how his head and psyche worked. For every mistake he made, he punished himself, caused pain to remind himself of what awaited him for failure. That's why, even though he had already bent his rules a bit, he decided to make Sakura his friend; he believed that by doing so, he would never think of her and their relationship in any other way, because to him, friends were forever just friends.
After lying down for too long, he rose and collected himself sluggishly to the bathroom. His miserable face reflected in the mirror. After ten days at home, on medication, mentally and physically exhausted, Sasuke looked like a ghost. At least the burn had healed, leaving a small spot, as if to remind him of his stupidity.
Unable to look at himself any longer, he splashed his face with cold water, brushed his teeth and left, picking up a shopping bag on the way and writing a note where he was going out to leave it on the pillow next to the sleeping woman. Sakura had lamented about the lack of food in the fridge yesterday, so when Sasuke finally has the strength to go out to people, he will go shopping.
He strolled through the streets with his usual face, greeting people from his clan with a nod. This was where his home was and he felt comfortable there, but as he crossed the boundaries between the area designated for Uchiha and the rest of Konoha's population, he began to see himself as an intruder. People disliked and even feared his family, even though more than twenty years had passed since the Nine Tails situation. His father had also shed his anger by agreeing to the Third Hokage's offer to serve as a member of Konoha's council. Anyone would have thought that relations between his clan and the locals would have stabilized as a result, but no such thing happened.
A grimace appeared on Sasuke's face just after the first judgmental glance cast at him from the older couple. Did they treat Sakura the same way? If so, how did she bear it? Would she tell him about her problem?
He would want to know what she faced every day, what was causing her difficulties and what she thought of him now.
Stepping into the shop, Sasuke quickly dealt with his purchases, then entered the flower shop run by his friend's mother. The bell rang, announcing the new arrival.
"Hello— Sasuke!" Ino smiled from ear to ear. They hadn't seen each other in a long time, each busy with their new lives "What brings you here? Are you going to the cemetery?"
"No." he was uncomfortable, though he didn't reveal it, practically always masking his emotions well "I need flowers for my wife. As a thank you and apology."
The blonde, still smiling, stepped out from behind the counter, crouching beside the vases. A long dress framed her slightly rounded belly. Sasuke only noticed today that the woman had begun to radiate. Freshlywed wife and mother-to-be - he wondered if Sakura would look like this now if she married someone of her own choosing.
"So, it's something serious." began Ino "You've never bought anyone flowers. Not counting your mother."
"We're married." he concluded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. A husband had the right to buy flowers for his wife for no reason.
But in their case, nothing was obvious.
"Oh, please, Sasuke. In front of your clan you can put on a show, but not in front of your friends. We know you." She stood up, pointing a finger at him "There's something going on between you two. I can sense it."
Sasuke was unable to answer anything at this point. He watched Ino's hands as they selected the appropriate flowers with particular care. He completely didn't know their names, but he trusted his friend; he had seen her work more than once.
"You're wrong." He said at last, croaking at the hollow sound of this "We have decided to remain just friends."
"She knows that?"
"What—?"
"Never mind."
Ino tied the flowers, placed them on paper, - slightly pink with two white hearts in the middle; Sasuke knew she had done this on purpose, - wrapped them and added a bright ribbon with a note.
"What's her name?"
"Sakura." Her name sounded like a melody in his mouth.
"I told you I could sense it." she muttered under her breath, grinning "Done!"
Putting the notes on the countertop, Sasuke took the bouquet and stated it was the prettiest of all the ones he had bought here. He thanked his friend and was about to head home already, but Ino spoke up once more.
"Kiba is having a birthday party on Saturday. You're invited." He nodded in understanding and started heading towards the exit "And one more thing! Bring Sakura here someday. I want to meet her."
"Hn."
"I'm serious!"
As he waved goodbye, he walked back out into the fresh air. A beautiful fragrance carried behind him, attracting more and more stares. Thursday morning promised to be like any previous day. Apart from a pleasant surprise, nothing else was likely to change.
Entering the Uchiha mansion, Sasuke ran into one of his aunts from his father's side, who always brought him various toys when he was little and went on walks to ease the workload on his mother.
"Sasuke, how good to see you! Well come here to me, it's been a long time since you visited your aunt!" she called out to him, and not having the heart to refuse, he came. Sometimes he liked to feel like a child, surrounded by the love of so many people around him "Ah, how you have grown up. You'll have to visit me one day." she pinched his cheek.
"Okay, auntie."
"Then I'll be waiting. I've missed you." She put her hands at her sides "And what are you carrying with you? What a beautiful bouquet. For whom is it—? Ah, why do I ask, after all, it's for your wife." she laughed. Sasuke listened intently, but the amount of words spoken at once frightened him, "I happen to forget that you got married. Not long ago you were so small and everyone called you Sasuke-chan, and now—"
"Auntie." he interjected in the woman's words, otherwise she would have continued unabashedly, "I'll come to tea next week."
"All right, all right. And don't forget to take your wife with you. I saw her tending the flowers in the garden. A beautiful woman."
"Aa."
He moved away, escaping another torrent of words. After two turns, Sasuke found himself in front of a house, bathed in the rising sun. It looked beautiful from the outside as well as the inside, thanks to Sakura. She had taken great care of everything in great detail. Not even for a moment could there be any dirt anywhere.
Walking over to the mailbox, he looked in there and spotted three cards. Sasuke pulled them out, puzzled. The first two had nice drawings on them, but the last one had a large inscription on it - Happy Birthday. His brain switched off, he saw darkness in front of his eyes, and after a moment, images of a sad Sakura, her tears and her mouth twisted downwards. Fresh wounds began to burn him, and his head recalled every newer memory. Sasuke couldn't tell how much he stood like that, staring at those cards, because he was somewhere else with his mind. As he always had been.
With a shaky step he entered the house, his breathing heavier. He had not been prepared for her birthday; he had done nothing.
"Sasuke?" a voice came from the kitchen.
"It's me." he assured his wife, who sounded rather anxious.
"Oh, I was already starting to worry." She was coming closer, he could hear her footsteps. Sasuke straightened up, putting on his usual face "You've been gone an hour."
"I had to go somewhere else."
"Mm." she appeared in the corridor, in those thin and slightly see-through pyjamas of hers "You bought everything you need-ed..." her breath caught in her throat.
Sakura looked at him and Sasuke looked at her. And now what? He hadn't thought it through. Earlier, in his mind, everything looked simple. Give flowers and that's it. But nothing was simple with her. She ruined every one of Sasuke's goals with her eyes and smile and kindness. If she'd been different, the way he'd expected her to be, he wouldn't be standing embarrassed now with a bouquet in his hand.
"This..." he took a moment to come up with some better explanation. Was it again so hard for him to apologize and say thank you? Why did he feel like he was about to burn? Sasuke shrugged, "it's for your birthday."
As if in slow motion, she raised her head, drawing air into her lungs.
"Umm..."
"It's your birthday, right." It was supposed to come out as a question, but it turned out to be an assertion.
"I already had a birthday."
"You had, well, yes." He clenched his jaw, closed his eyes and nervously tapped his fingers against his thigh; he fucked up again.
Only he could do that. Before he could open his eyes, a warm touch came to rest on his cheek. Not expecting it, Sasuke moved back automatically. Sakura took her hand away immediately.
"Don't worry. I haven't told anyone here." she confessed.
"So, you spent it alone?"
"You could say that."
If it hurt her, she didn't show it. Sasuke had difficulty reading between the lines. He couldn't see when Sakura wasn't being honest with him. He clenched his teeth and held out his other hand.
"It was in the mailbox." She took the cards from him, smiling to herself. Starting to head towards the kitchen, Sasuke followed her, "Sakura." She turned around, raising her eyebrows in a questioning gesture. He had no idea what she was doing "If you want something from me as a gift, you can say so."
The cat appeared suddenly, breaking the silence. It clung to Sakura's leg while she thought. Finally, she picked up the cat, and her eyes softened.
"I'd like to spend time with you. Go out somewhere, take a walk, eat out."
Who was he to say no to his wife.
.
Through her smile, he forgot his problems.
First on the list was the park. Sakura had said that from ten in the morning until twelve in the afternoon, apart from mothers with children, there was no one in the area. Of course, she was right.
They sat on a bench, listening to the chirping of birds. Sasuke followed the movements of Sakura's hand. She drew the landscape in front of her eyes, but ended up drawing the bench with them. From memory she sketched her face and his - with hers she had a little trouble, but his face came out practically identical to the real one.
"Have you ever thought about opening a small business?"
Sakura looked at him and then at her little masterpiece.
"I doubt anyone would want to buy it,"
"I'd find a few interested people."
She smiled encouragingly at him.
"I don't know if I feel confident enough to do that."
"I'm not forcing you to do anything. If you ever decide to, you can come to me, I'll help you." His gaze was fixed on the tree.
Sakura laughed and poked him on the shoulder gently, drawing his attention back to her. She didn't need to say anything as her eyes spoke for her.
The weather was spoiling people today. They sat on a bench for two hours, talking about everything and nothing, sweating under their coats after a long time. With the arrival of April, the chill was gone. The sun was heating so hard that even the trees did not help. Sakura got up then and communicated that they should go to the café now, escaping the worst of the heat.
Sasuke followed her as usual, relying on her suggestions. On the other side of the village, she spotted a small cafe, a two-storey one with a balcony. He was not at all surprised she had chosen this particular place.
Sitting down in the wooden white chairs, at a small glass table with a red rose in the middle, Sakura sent him a smile, hanging up her coat on the chair. The canopy gave them shade, and the cold coming in from inside the café gave them a pleasant shiver.
"What do you want, Sasuke?"
"I'll take coffee."
"No cake?"
"I don't like sweets."
She sent him a look as if he'd killed someone.
"Well, that's a new one." She returned her gaze to the menu "I'll take dango."
"Only?" he asked, although it sounded rather strange.
"I have no appetite." She whined, still smiling.
It's the same way you don't feel like breakfast and dinner lately, and you eat lunch very selectively, Sasuke thought, but he left that comment to himself. After all, he didn't want to cling to details and reproach Sakura for what he had started to notice about her, lest he make her upset.
"It will just be coffee and dango, then."
The rest of the afternoon passed in a more pleasant atmosphere. On the way home, Sasuke led her to the bridge where he learned to make a fireball. Sakura soaked her feet in the water while he stood and recalled some of his best moments with his father. However, he loved and hated this place at once.
They couldn't stand it for long, so they went home and sat down in front of the TV. Time passed inexorably fast. Although it was not very late at all, Sakura fell asleep sitting up. Sasuke touched her shoulder, through she opened her eyes and began to claim that she hadn't slept at all.
"Go to bed already, Sakura. I can see you're tired." He got up from the couch, lifting her with him, or she wouldn't have gotten up.
"I can manage—"
"Sakura."
She didn't have the strength to debate.
"Okay."
On her way, she entered the bathroom for a moment, then disappeared behind the door of the room. With her disappearance in his ears, the silence grew to overpowering proportions. Sasuke headed to the bathroom himself to take a quick shower and go to bed. Staying alone in the real world was a challenge.
Closing the door, he immediately let go of the stream of water and stepped into the cabin. The warm drops relaxed his muscles. Sasuke thought he had everything under control, but his thoughts started to be haunted by the events of today; transformed - a friendly gesture began to take the form of a romantic one; Sakura's neutral face after realizing he had missed her birthday began to twist into an expression of sadness, anger and disappointment; a simple fulfillment of a birthday wish turned into a date, and every little touch now meant a gesture of desire.
Shaking his head, Sasuke propped it against the stream to rid himself of the intrusive thoughts, but the noise brought back the bad past. The memories stirred, crushing him. He had had enough. He reached up to a shelf suspended too high for Sakura to easily reach, where he hid his demonic tools that were robbing him of joy and consciousness.
Holding the blade in his hand, he wondered why he was doing it again; he had promised himself he wouldn't hurt himself like that again to make Sakura's life easier, but he couldn't. Sasuke knew the answer to that question. It was his addiction; dark and terrible, stripping away his identity and mind. The pain gave him solace, ridding him of intrusive thoughts and allowing him to feel cleansed of his mistakes (it didn't work for long).
After the first cut, he felt what he so longed for. Sasuke had once again become a little boy who had discovered a better way of punishing than all the previous ones.
He repeated this action a few more times, but had no idea exactly how many, as well as whether he had washed himself properly, if the blood had drained along with the water, or how he had made it to bed, laying down quietly next to the sleeping Sakura.
The airiness of the room irritated Sakura. Dust floated in the air and papers clattered on the table. The sofa had not been bedded yesterday, so the blanket and cushions lay unmade. The dinner plate had stagnant bits of food on it; Sasuke hadn't cleaned up before going to bed, which annoyed her a little.
Opening the window, she let the fresh air in. The smell of dampness and wet morning grass relaxed her. Sakura busied herself with picking up the trash, but the constant pouring of water and quiet murmurs did not give her peace. In the morning, immediately upon waking, Sasuke was not in bed. She remembered the gentle squeeze in her heart and the black thoughts wanting to be born in her head. She then got up momentarily and noticed the bathroom door closed - Sasuke had already been sitting there for over half an hour.
The dirty dish landed in the sink. Two streams merged into one. Listening to the sounds, Sakura suddenly heard a clatter. Something had fallen.
Unable to stand it any longer, she walked over to the bathroom door and knocked. The water stopped running, but Sasuke didn't speak, waiting for her to start.
"I don't want to impose or anything, Sasuke, but maybe you need help with something?" she asked as gently as she could.
Still, she couldn't sense the ground and didn't know where they stood. Sasuke's condition was a great mystery to her that she couldn't solve on her own. One day he looked and acted like a wreck of a man, and the next he was his earlier self.
"I don't need help."
Sakura bit her cheeks, trying to believe him. An uncomfortable feeling sat in her stomach. She had never been in a situation like this before. Was panic a normal reaction if she knew perfectly well what the person behind the closed door was capable of doing to themselves?
Without moving from under the bathroom she continued to listen. Her heart was beating faster and faster. For the first two minutes, nothing suspicious happened - Sasuke sat on the other side rather quietly, perhaps afraid to make too loud a sound lest he arouse her suspicions. However, after that time had passed, a loud - "Fuck" - came out of his mouth, which made Sakura unable to stand still.
Now she understood why most people panic at times like this.
With the speed of light she grabbed the handle, even being able to break the door off its hinges just to get inside. Fortunately, she didn't have to do that. Sasuke opened it for her himself, presumably giving in.
Sakura was met with the sight of bandages scattered across the sink and floor, scissors and disinfectant. That much was enough to make her guess what Sasuke was doing.
At first she looked into his eyes, searching for that sparkle which was telling her the real Sasuke was with her. If he had matte irises, it would mean that his dark, hurtful side had replaced him. Touching his shoulder, she brought Sasuke's gaze back to her. He was with her.
They didn't need words to communicate. Sakura noticed fresh, but not today's wounds on his forearms. He must have done that late last night, after she went to sleep. Although she shouldn't have, she felt guilty. It was the first time in ten days that she had gone to bed before Sasuke, and this was how it ended - worse than usual.
"Hand me the cosmetic swabs." she instructed, and Sasuke followed the command.
Using the liquid, she disinfected the cuts, allowing Sasuke to sit on the edge of the tub while she took care of wrapping the bandage. Sakura treated his skin with special care and diligence. Any pulling or squeezing too hard would result in causing unnecessary pain.
"I'm sorry." he spoke up abruptly, gazing into the space in front of him "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."
Several more times he repeated the word. Sakura shook her head each time; she wanted him to stop. But Sasuke wouldn't stop. That's why, when she tied the bandages, she put everything aside and hugged him around the neck, pressing his head to her chest.
At first his body froze in her embrace. He didn't move an inch, and his breath stopped coming out of his nose. Sakura was frightened that she had made a mistake, so she was about to pull away, but then Sasuke put his hand on her back and tightened his fingers on her shirt.
"Sasuke," she began quietly, "remember that I'm always with you."
"I know." He muttered "And that's... I know."
.
They had breakfast in pleasant silence. Neither of them touched on what had happened. They kept leaving the problems behind, returning to them only as a last resort. It wasn't a good move one bit, but they couldn't do otherwise.
Putting more onigiri on Sasuke, Sakura got rid of the last bit left on her plate. She didn't like wasting food, so she usually didn't prepare breakfast for herself now, or made smaller portions. Today, however, she had hoped to be able to swallow at least one piece of rice in Sasuke's presence, but she had overestimated her options. Sakura's stomach was used to small meals, but eating nothing all day was not a great idea at all.
It was all due to stress, she excused herself.
Smiling softly, she already knew that Sasuke hadn't noticed that not a bit of food had passed down her throat.
He got up first, did the dishes, then headed into the study for a moment. Sakura wandered her eyes around the room, waiting for Sasuke to appear back. Leaving him alone behind closed doors was becoming increasingly difficult.
Finally, she got up herself to wash the dirty for effect plate. She scrubbed and scrubbed with the sharp side of the sponge, softening the skin of her hands to the point where it began to wrinkle.
At the sound of footsteps, she immediately turned around. Sasuke was holding two scrolls and putting on his shoes.
"Are you going out?"
"Aa."
At the thought of letting him leave the house without her by his side, she got shivers. The last time, she thought she was going to pass out, as she waited impatiently for him because he had decided to go shopping. For this reason, she preferred not to stress herself unnecessarily.
"Can I come with you?"
Sakura put down the dish, wiped her hands on a towel and walked nimbly towards Sasuke.
"I'll only be gone twenty minutes." he communicated, as if to dissuade her from that decision.
"And? I was going to go for a walk anyway. It's such nice weather." she started to put on her shoes, not giving him the right to object "It will be better together."
She put her hat on her head, extending her hand towards Sasuke.
"Fine, whatever you want. But we need to visit Naruto first."
He picked up the scrolls, letting Sakura know that this was what he had planned all along. She didn't ask why he needed to bring them to his friend, figuring that if he wanted to he would tell her himself.
Sasuke caught her hand and they left the house. The way was pleasant and short, as it only took them seven minutes. The dress blew in the wind, bouncing off Sakura's mid-calf. The sun was shining so hard that even though she was wearing a really thin material she could still feel the sweat.
She and Sasuke were having their casual conversations, still holding hands.
"Recently I have been thinking about going to my home village. My parents wrote in a last letter that they have encountered a little trouble and will not be able to return to Konoha for the next three months. I would like to finally see them and my friends again."
"Are you planning to go alone?"
"Yes."
"Absolutely not," he said firmly.
"Why not? After all, I know the way. I've walked it once before."
"You might meet a lot of dangerous people along the way," he added.
"I wouldn't worry so much. But if you want, I won't forbid you to come with me." she shrugged her shoulders.
Sasuke expressed his willingness, continuing to talk about things. Sakura understood him and didn't mind. She was even glad that he was concerned about her. And that was the only plus of his possibly going home with her. She wasn't convinced she wanted Sasuke to see with his own eyes the conditions she was living in.
They reached Naruto. Two minutes passed before Sasuke's friend opened in messy hair and rumpled pajamas.
"You just got up?"
"No hello, how are you?" he ran over Sasuke with a big grin "Long time no see, Teme! Aren't you going to hug your best friend?!"
Naruto spread his arms, but Sasuke quickly stopped him.
"Stay away from me."
"Well, you know what. And I already thought you'd changed over that time." He shook his head and only then did his eyes meet hers "Sakura-chan!"
"From her too."
Sasuke stopped the blond a second time. Naruto leaned against the doorframe, all the while having an amused expression on his face.
"So, what brings you two to me?"
"This."
The scroll hovered in front of Naruto's nose; instantly his face grew serious, and Sasuke pressed his lips into a thin line.
"Would you leave us alone for a moment, Sakura?"
She glanced into her husband's eyes, trying to make out something in them, to no avail "Sure. I'll be on the other side." She pointed to the lady by the apple baskets.
She slowly walked away, traversing the alley. Sakura shuffled past people, excusing some to get out of her way. When she finally reached the end she purchased three apples, paid, thanked and started back towards Sasuke and Naruto.
Before she could pass, however, an unexpected impact knocked her to the ground. The fruit spilled onto the sand road and her hip bruised. She hissed in pain, feeling the skin on her elbows peel off.
"Please forgive me." a male voice reached her.
Sakura saw a young man in green clothes and black hair. He looked like he was genuinely sorry.
"Nothing... Nothing happened." she massaged the sore spots, continuing to lie on the ground.
"Please don't say that. I should be more careful and not run at such speed. Again, I'm very sorry." He bowed, keeping his head down. Sakura felt uncomfortable.
"Really—"
"Let me help you up."
The stranger pulled her by the arm, instantly putting her back on her feet.
"Sakura!?"
She turned, noticing Sasuke walking towards her with a quick step. He reached her, looking over her body.
"Are you hurt?"
"No. I'm fine." She assured. The small bruises she didn't count "It was my fault too. I didn't look around much..." she defended the stranger, as he seemed like a very nice and friendly person who didn't want to hurt anyone.
"Sasuke-san, please don't listen to her. I am—"
"It's all right, Lee. Next time run on the outskirts of the village. It's not your first time."
"Of course." He took her hand in his "I hope you'll forgive me, Sakura-san."
She didn't have time to reply as Lee disappeared around the corner. It was a strange meeting.
"Sakura?" he touched her shoulder.
"Did you say something?"
"Are you sure you're feeling okay?"
"Yes. Don't worry. Shall we go on?"
Sakura reached out her hand to him, although she no longer needed to, as they were not in his clan's mansion. Still, entwining her fingers with his was comforting.
"Wait."
Sasuke shook Sakura's dress out of the sand and fixed her hair, gently gliding over her skin. She liked his touch.
The leash tightened as the cat spotted a bird in the distance and wanted to run to it, but was abruptly stopped, to its displeasure. Sakura laughed, walking up to Nori and leaning over him.
A kitten lay out on the grass, twisting onto its back. He played with the flowers with his paws, purring as she stroked him behind his ears. The harness made the cat uncomfortable for a long time, so Sakura already thought that going for walks with the cat would be impossible, but at some point he got used to it and looked forward to going outside.
Pulling treats from her pocket, she handed one to Nori, admiring the beauty of the animal. Blue eyes glistened in the sunlight and black dots stood out on the light grey fur. The pink nose searched greedily for the snack until the kitten finally located it and chuckled, practically swallowing it whole.
"Sakura!"
At the sound of her name, she raised her head and spotted Sasuke's mother. Mikoto was standing on the other side of the fence, holding a bag in her hand. Immediately, Sakura straightened up, taking Nori in her arms. She had been meeting the woman at her house for the past three months, which gave her time to prepare. Was she presenting herself well enough now? Would she hear comments about her appearance or behavior, or had she done nothing wrong according to Mikoto, and her hair and nails were well groomed? Will she ever be able to stop worrying about her presentation, or will it stay that way forever? So many questions, and little time for answers.
"What brings you to us?" she asked kindly.
Mikoto unfolded her bag in front of her, smiling pleasantly (as usual) and showing Sakura to come over.
"I found out from Sasuke yesterday that you two were gathering herbs together," she began, quieting down to let Sakura elaborate on the topic.
"Ah, yes." She swallowed her saliva, stressing "But that was two months ago. An old story."
"Never mind," she dismissed that with a wave of her hand, "So I thought I'd buy you one. I took it when I was pregnant. For immunity and to make me feel better."
Sakura almost choked on her air. What had Sasuke said to his mother at tea yesterday? There were plenty of possibilities, but he probably wouldn't go so far as to lie to her like that, would he? That was probably why he didn't want her to go with him.
"That's very kind of you, but..."
Sweat gathered on her palms and the corner of her mouth twitched. She had no idea what to say now, how to continue the script Sasuke had written since she didn't know it.
"I know," Mikoto interjected, not giving, thankfully, Sakura any time to think about it, "I know... it's so sad." The woman sighed, and Sakura followed her, nodding sadly, "Sasuke told me how hard the two of you are trying but not succeeding. Fate can be terrible. Maybe you should go to the doctor once again?"
Already she knew what Sasuke had told his mother. He'd saved them, in the process dropping another burden and reason to fear on her - one of the requirements of the Uchiha was fertility, which Sakura possessed; theoretically. Fugaku and Mikoto had chosen her for this reason as well, and now it was coming out that she was having trouble getting pregnant; just for the sake of the narrative. However, there was nothing left for her to do but play as she was told.
"I will be going tomorrow to sign up for tests. I hope they can detect the cause of this."
"Me too." momentarily the sadness disappeared in the woman's eyes "Ahh, I can't wait to have little grandchildren running around my legs." she put her hands together, then grief shone in her irises again "Life is so unfair. You don't deserve it."
"Sasuke and I despair greatly over this." she murmured specifically to Mikoto.
"I wish you the best. Here," she finally handed the herbs to Sakura, "I wrote the instructions for taking them on a card. Have a nice day!"
"Won't you come in?" she asked, because she should, but she didn't want to spend any more time with Sasuke's mother.
"I can't. I'm busy." She waved goodbye.
Sakura breathed a sigh of relief, hugging Nori tighter to her chest. Nothing bad had happened, no one had been hurt, yet, but it was going the wrong way. How much did they have left when they would actually have to have their first child? Sakura didn't feel ready to become a mother, and Sasuke with his condition wasn't the ideal candidate for a father either.
Crossing the garden she rushed into the house, slamming the door behind her. Nori touched the floor with her paws and was freed from her harness, rushing straight to the water bowl. Sakura put down the gift from Mikoto on the table, walking up to the light brown door and knocking three times.
"Yes?" came out from the other side.
"I'm coming in."
Without even asking for permission, she determined it was a matter of urgency. Standing in the entrance, Sakura absorbed the view of the study; she had never been in it. A dark pine desk in the middle, cluttered with scrolls and a picture she hadn't seen before - Sasuke against the backdrop of the academy with Naruto and some girl with beautiful pale blue eyes; probably his other teammate. He hadn't bragged about her, so Sakura assumed she had either died young or met some other fate separating her from Sasuke and Naruto. To the right was a bookcase, and to the left was a dresser and the large mirror he was currently standing in front of.
Taking a closer look at his personage, she noticed his bare chest and trousers with the zipper and belt open.
"Are you just going to stand there and stare, or—?"
"I was talking to your mother." she interjected to avoid further embarrassment, although she could already feel her cheeks burning.
Sakura could no longer hide her sexual desire towards her husband. She was attracted to him and if only things were different, she would have landed in bed with him long ago.
"I thought I had more time." he said, bringing her back down to earth "There was no other option."
"You should have discussed it with me." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"I didn't expect such a question yesterday." he tried to explain.
"It doesn't change the fact that you did the wrong thing."
Sasuke lowered his gaze down, running a hand through his black hair, "Now I realize that."
"Sasuke," she passed him, walking over to the three shirts displayed on the hangers - black, blood red and beige "I don't want to be mad at you."
Because I know what you could do to yourself then, she wanted to finish, but held back, hiding it just for herself.
Touching the fabric, she finally made up her mind and took off the dark red shirt, walking over to Sasuke with it. She threw it over her husband's shoulders, and he slipped his hands into the sleeves. They didn't speak, soaking up each other's presence.
While fastening the buttons, Sakura purposely ran her finger over Sasuke's exposed belly. His muscles tensed and his heartbeat quickened. With excitement, she listened to his breathing, the same as the first time - shaky, heavy. She was stirring emotions in him that were too strong to control.
"Has my mother talked about anything else important?" he swallowed saliva with difficulty, trying to maintain his composure.
"No." She lied, not wanting to pursue the subject "A simple chat." she would tell him some other time.
Her nail hooked his navel seemingly accidentally, then traveled lower, but she quickly withdrew her fingers, buttoning the shirt all the way up. Sakura had their last time before her eyes; what Sasuke had done to her body and mind, the way his hand had caressed her intimate place, the tenderness with which he had satisfied her needs. She craved it once more, but held back. Desire was mixed with fear. Events after told her to stop. It was Sasuke who had to make the decision.
With slow movements, she smoothed the fabric, feeling her husband's piercing gaze on her face. It took so little for their bodies to become one again and their lips to join.
"You know, Sakura, there are a few things I would like at this point."
"Yes?" she lifted her head, crossing her eyes with his. There was that same sparkle in Sasuke's irises again, different from everyday and more desirable now "What specifically?"
"I wish it was after that cursed birthday so I could eat your onigiri you always make for dinner and..."
"And?"
Instead of words, she felt the taste of his lips on hers. The warmth spread and melted into her small lips, giving them a new use. Sakura reciprocated the kiss with the same fervour, pulling at the short hairs at the nape of Sasuke's neck. His hand came to rest on her hip, pushing her closer. Feelings, or perhaps a lack of them, who was to know at that moment, flared, adding a new spark to them.
Pinching with his teeth, he forced her mouth open. It was the first time she had kissed so passionately. A strange, yet pleasurable experience. Their tongues fought a battle, but she gave in, sighing. Excitement was making its presence known, but that last remnant of logical thinking prevailed. Sakura pulled away from Sasuke.
"Hold on, wait, that's..."
"Don't you want it?" he asked immediately, frightened that he had gone too far.
"I want it, you don't know how much, Sasuke, but," the words struggled to come out of her swollen mouth, "do you want it?"
The question was ambiguous, they both knew it. The fear of being rejected again, of being left alone filled her with bad thoughts. The last thing she would be able to survive was Sasuke leaving through a stupid mistake, driven only by lust.
"I won't leave you. Not this time."
She placed a hand on his chest "How can I be sure?"
"You can't."
Sincerity and desire influenced subsequent events.
For the second time, she thrust into his mouth with greater force. The heat spreading throughout her body begged her to give herself fully to Sasuke, but she couldn't be selfish. They didn't have much time - he had a friend's birthday to attend, and she had a meeting with Itachi and Shisui, so they needed to get things done quickly.
Reaching into her husband's underwear, Sakura sank her hand inside and pulled his cock out, clamping her hand on it. Sasuke groaned and pulled her tenderly by the hair, tilting her head back to kiss her neck. She couldn't hold back any longer herself, so she moaned. The cock straightened more at the sound of her voice - she hadn't known she had such an effect on her husband.
Without prolonging, she began to move her hand. She didn't have much of a clue as to what exactly she should do and what was supposed to bring the man to orgasm. Improvisation probably wasn't working out too well for her either, because Sasuke squirmed slightly.
Squeezing harder she thought that was the problem, but Sasuke then took her hand off his cock and brought it to his face. Sakura didn't even have time to form a sentence in her head as her husband licked the top of her hand. It was so fucking appealing and arousing. She had to clench her thighs because of it.
"It'll be easier that way." he said in a hoarse voice.
In shock, she stood and took a moment to realize that Sasuke had started to show how he liked it. She watched his reactions and groans intently - each one was different.
After a moment, she ran her thumb over the head collecting the precum and spreading it all over. She moved her hand until Sasuke stopped making sounds, moaning mute in her ear with his forehead resting on her shoulder.
She didn't wait long. Sasuke climaxed, cumming on her fingers and the floor. In gratitude, he kissed her neck, cheek and lips and lifted her up, planting her on the dresser. He immediately pulled her strapless blouse down, revealing Sakura's breasts. He caressed one and took a nipple in the other, sucking on it.
Unbuttoning her jeans, he threw off her unnecessary clothing. With satisfaction painted on his face he ran his finger over her clit, running over her wetness. He almost entered her with two fingers, but they were interrupted by the cat. It meowed and watched, and they stopped everything.
Sakura cursed at the animal under her breath, then looked at the clock and cursed at herself.
"I have to get going."
Sasuke laughed at her overreaction, stepping back.
"Thank you for helping me choose a shirt."
.
The umbrella shielded Sakura from the setting sun. As she waited for Itachi and Shisui to arrive, she pulled out her sketchbook and began drawing more portraits of Sasuke. This time, they weren't normal - Sakura remembered his face as he indulged in pleasure and decided to immortalize it on pieces of paper so she would never forget it.
At the perfect moment, she closed it. Itachi and his cousin took their seats next to her.
"I ordered you guys a dango." she announced with a smile.
"Did you cut your hair?!" obviously Shisui didn't care for her previous words.
She adored the man, but sometimes she felt like tearing him apart. Sakura got to know him better one day when she was visiting Itachi. For the past month, she could say they had been friends - or at least she wanted them to be.
"They're five centimeters shorter, Shisui,"
"It's almost like you're bald now."
"Are you that concerned about my hair?"
"Not me." He waved his hand, smiling mockingly "Sasuke."
"My husband would like me any way."
"I'm not so—"
They teased each other for a while longer. Itachi was strangely tense and did not even interfere in their discussion. He sat with his eyes fixed ahead. Sakura began to get anxious. She didn't ask first, however, as he was the one who finally spoke.
"It's so foolish of me to ask you exactly this, but is Sasuke okay?" he placed his hands on the table, his eyes blazing with seriousness.
"And why wouldn't he be?" she answered with a question, not knowing how much Itachi knew.
"That's what I don't know. Recently he burst into the family home and locked himself in the bathroom, not coming out until the morning. He looked very tired after that." He pulled down his eyebrows "I haven't seen him again since the last mission. I'm worried."
"If there was something serious going on with him, he would have told you." She stated "Right?" but she wasn't sure.
"I'm his brother. I hope so."
"Sasuke is fine." she lied, understanding that Itachi was living in the belief that his brother was alright.
There was no other option - he believed her. And thanks to that, they spent a pleasant afternoon. They talked about everything, as usual, though they were the ones with the more interesting stories. Sakura listened, admiring them, but also feeling a little sorry for such a dangerous life. When she finally found out about Sasuke's job, she was afraid to let him out on another call.
Her companions ate while she sipped lemonade. The conversation drifted back to the old days, when Sasuke was still running around in nappies. Shisui laughed out loud, drawing everyone's attention. A few times even she couldn't help but chuckle.
Time flew by quickly, and their meeting was interrupted by the ANBU sending a message to Itachi.
"I must apologize to you. Shisui escort Sakura home."
"You have nothing to worry about 'Tachi'." He leaned back in his chair, and Itachi disappeared in a puff of smoke "He's got an excuse again." He said to himself, loud enough for Sakura to hear him.
"From what?"
"We were supposed to go to the bar together— Wait." Shisui looked at her meaningfully.
"No way."
"Why not? It's just a moment of fun, relaxation. Everyone needs that!" he leaned over her "Maybe you'll make some new friends."
"That's not for me."
"If you say so. No, it isn't. I'm not going to force you."
The tone in which he spoke was special. Shisui had good arguments - Sakura wanted to have friends in Konoha and needed to have some fun. Probably if Sasuke had heard the idea, he wouldn't have let her go with his cousin; she'd heard him complain about him once and warn her against hanging out with him too much; but he was on a birthday and wouldn't be back until late at night.
You only live once.
"Okay. Let's go."
Shisui smiled broadly.
On the way, Sakura went into the house, changed her clothes, took off her ring so she wouldn't lose it, wrote a note in case Sasuke came back earlier than her, and left.
.
The dimmed lights added to the atmosphere of the place. Sakura admired the simplicity of the bar - dark wooden tables, a long bar that looked at least a century old, red upholstered chairs and a man in his fifties preparing drinks and pouring beer from kegs.
Almost like home, she thought. Practically the same look as the bar she used to go to with her friends. Probably why she felt more relaxed than embarrassed by the amount of people.
"Do you like it?"
"Yes." she replied with a smile "You were right, I needed it."
"Of course you did. I can sense who needs what, Sakura." He led her between the tables "I hope my cousin won't be offended at me for taking you here."
"I wouldn't worry about that, Shisui."
He laughed at her words and patted her on the back. Eventually they found a free table - it was difficult, given that it was a Saturday night - and sat down, browsing the liquor menu. Sakura ran her eyes over the elaborate names of the drinks, eventually choosing the lightest so as not to get drunk to the point of unconsciousness. Shisui left to place her order.
Left alone, she began to look at the people enjoying themselves. Some were circling the dance floor to the beat of the music, others were sitting with friends and talking poignantly, and a few were hanging around the bar and looking out for lonely people. Everyone was happy. And was Sasuke? Was he enjoying himself, or did he miss her? She poked at her forehead. Why would he miss her, he was with his friends after all. Sakura was getting too dreamy.
The glass hit the table.
"I bought extra peanuts and chips. Have some."
"I have no appetite, but thank you."
"You shouldn't drink on an empty stomach." he warned her.
"I had lunch, Shisui."
Intentionally, she skipped saying what exactly, because, no matter what, this then couldn't even be called a full meal.
"Hopefully." He chuckled sarcastically, but Sakura felt a momentary uneasiness "You've heard about this new..."
Shisui could talk endlessly. Sakura as well. Hours passed, and she was happier and happier to be here. She had hit upon the perfect opportunity to get to know Sasuke's cousin even better, and he was proving to be an extraordinary companion. The alcohol was bubbling up inside her harder with every drink. Shisui had brought so many by now that she couldn't remember which one she was drinking at the moment.
Uttering a joke, they both burst out laughing. Although the percentages had loosened Sakura's tongue, she did not stray into the topics of her relationship with Sasuke or his problems. She was able to keep it to herself.
Finishing the overly sweet drink, she smiled broadly, as if it was the funniest thing. Shisui started to say something, but quickly stopped, suddenly staring at some woman. A beautiful brunette, unknown to them, waved at him, and he stood as if enchanted.
"I'll be there in half an hour. Can you manage on your own?"
"Are you really leaving me to fuck?" she asked rather directly, at which his ears turned red.
"Ey, that sounds bad coming from your mouth." She looked at him crookedly "So what? don't just give me a speech like Itachi about why I shouldn't do it."
"Now I know why Itachi doesn't want to come here with you." she muttered to herself "How do you know she just wants to go to bed with you?"
"Often people come here willing to have casual sex. As if you don't have a husband-"
"Oh my god, Shisui! Go now." she hid her face in her hands.
"Yes, yes." He started off, but stopped and turned to Sakura "One more thing. Do you see that group of girls over there? They look like they're a similar age to you. Make friends with them."
Her mouth grew dry. Sakura was left alone, sipping Shisui's half-drank beer and watching the women chatting. True, she wanted to make new friends, but there was a reason she hadn't done so until now. She was afraid she would be ridiculed, just as she had been in her village. All in all, Sakura was lucky to have found friends who didn't mind her seemingly strange behavior and seemingly odd appearance.
Perhaps she had been sitting and drinking for too long without even realising the time had passed, because one of the girls got up to say goodbye. It was nearing one in the morning, some people were dispersing to their homes. Sakura intended to stay in her seat until Shisui returned (he should have been here for about twenty minutes), but then one of the women's wallets fell out; neither of them noticed.
Like an automaton, with no way to turn around, Sakura stood up and walked over to them, picking up the loss.
"I think this is yours." She said, stressing with a piercing look.
"Oh my, yes, thank you very much." The woman picked up her item and that was all.
Sakura stood in a stupor, considering what to do now. She couldn't back down, so she held out her hand and introduced herself. The girl did nothing for a moment, then invited her to the table.
All five talked for over an hour, and at the very end exchanged addresses so that they could visit each other again one day. Unfortunately, her new friends had to go back, so Sakura was left alone again, increasingly worried about Shisui. What if this woman was a secret assassin? What if he was just having fun with her? She came to the conclusion that she would give him half an hour and then go looking for him.
Taking a seat behind the bar, she ordered a beer. Sakura wasn't looking at people, her thoughts were far away with Sasuke, so she didn't notice the stranger crouching next to them until he spoke.
"Hi."
She turned, noticing a man at least fifteen years older than her, with brown hair and plain gray eyes. He stood out in no particular way, and his sagging beard aged him.
"Hey?" she replied anxiously.
"I spotted you from the other side of the bar," he laughed cockily "That pink hair of yours and the flowery dress looks really girly and cute."
The way he said it made it seem like he was talking to a child. Sakura pulled back a little, not speaking.
"I figured it would be nice to get to know each other. I liked your-"
Further he babbled something, but Sakura switched her mind off, recognising the man as desperate for female attention. He didn't seem threatening, but she kept her hand tightly on the beer bottle just in case.
He talked to himself like this for about ten minutes, until she unexpectedly felt a nudge against her knee. Her body tensed, but she turned her head towards the man. It was probably a coincidence.
"Did you say something?"
"I asked if you wanted to go to my house?"
The suggestion was disgusting.
"I have a husband."
The stranger's (he didn't even deign to introduce himself) eyes suddenly darkened. Sakura flinched, and after a moment recoiled when his hand found its way to her thigh, high enough for his fingers to touch her panties. In shock, she stood, unable to say anything.
"I'm not going to repeat myself for the umpteenth time." he began "You're lying. You don't have a ring. And my proposal cannot be refused."
At the moment she had two choices - look for Shisui immediately or go home. If she had been sober and not so afraid for her life, she would have found some other, better solutions, but the worst part of her mind decided for her. She hurriedly left the bar with a bag thrown over her shoulder.
Wind and blood hummed in Sakura's ears. Adrenaline buzzed through her veins and her mind told her to go faster. This was not what she had expected from a promising night.
She sped at an indeterminate speed, almost falling over at the turn. Never had she been followed, never had she even thought she could be. Her heart almost jumped out of her chest.
With trembling hands, she searched for her keys in her bag, but couldn't focus. Sakura felt as if this was the end for her. Middle of the night, no one on the street, lights out in the flats. It was just her and her future tormentor.
Blood began to pour from her lip. Without even noticing, she bit it with all her might with teeth. She began to look for those damned keys with more fervor. Nothing.
The bag slipped off her shoulder, falling to the ground. For a moment she stopped. And so the second cost her a lot. The man grabbed her forearm. Sakura looked up into his face, but everything was a blur.
She stopped breathing.
"Game over."
Sakura nearly threw up on the shoes.
All her strength, energy and courage had left her. She was like a bird caught in a cage. Alcohol had weakened her nerves. This is where her story stopped.
The man pulled her, forcing her to move her legs, which no longer belonged to her. Sakura's mind was outside her body. She tried to plan how to disconnect completely so she wouldn't feel the inevitable pain, but then she heard him.
"Sakura?!"
Behind that one block was safety. A person who was searching for her as fiercely as this stranger wanted to kidnap her. Sasuke gave her a boost.
Sakura broke out of his grasp, kicking the man in the crotch. He must have realized it was her they were calling for, because he stepped back, and when he saw Sasuke running towards them, he started running himself, disappearing faster than he appeared.
"Sakura!"
A firm grip on her shoulder prevented her from falling to the knees. All these emotions were boiling inside her, not allowing her to find an outlet. Sasuke looked at her from all sides, with the need to make sure she was okay. Sakura was just waiting to be asked if she was alright—
"Where have you been?! Why didn't you leave a note?!" his shout carried through the air.
Her mouth dropped open and memories flashed through her mind. She had, after all, written a note. She had written it, she was sure of it. She remembered. She would not leave without a word, ever...
"I left—"
"What were you thinking?! What?!" he continued to shout at her, not letting her get a word in edgewise, and she could only stare at her husband with wide eyes in shock "I went back to the dark house. You were nowhere to be found. Fucking nowhere! Itachi and Shisui too. I didn't know where to look for you. Shit." He ran a sweaty hand over his face.
"I'm saying-"
"I thought you were lying somewhere... that you are dead..." Sasuke was short of breath and spoke a little quieter, but she still couldn't get through his screams "Fucking hell! Think, Sakura, next time. And that man wanted—"
She had had enough. All too well she knew what could happen if he didn't get here quickly. She didn't need him to tell her that. She wanted to stop thinking about it, to be glad that the madman had left her. Sasuke's words were ruining her. She needed to stop this before she completely broke down.
"I'm not guilty of anything!" she put so much force into it that she scratched her throat and someone turned on the lamp in the flat, looking out the window. She silenced Sasuke "It's not my fault that the note I left you" she emphasized loudly "disappeared and that man was following me!"
"And do I blame you, excuse me?!"
"Yes, that's exactly what you're doing!"
Abruptly, he removed his hand from her shoulder, pulling away. He had that look on his face again; the one Sakura had been trying to avoid. She shouldn't say it. She had to stop before she made a big mistake, too big to fix. But she finally had a chance to tell him, to complain. She wanted him to know.
"No—" he couldn't form a sentence, she could see it, "Why are you even changing the subject, huh? What you did... You scared me—"
Sasuke pulled the last string, the one holding her mouth shut.
Why wouldn't he listen to her? Why didn't he ask how she was feeling? Why the hell does everything have to focus on him?
"Sure, let's just talk about you and your feelings again!"
"What do you mean now?"
"What do I mean?" tears of anger, frustration and sadness formed across her eyelids. Sakura should never in her life speak under the influence of the emotions, so the words that began to come out of her mouth cut, hitting the worst points "I'm only thinking about you all the time, I'm helping you even though I don't know what can really help you, I'm trying to keep you alive, and you wouldn't even think it could overwhelm me!"
The lantern above them flicked on. Sasuke stepped back more, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive gesture. He was protecting himself from her. The woman who had been by his side in his worst moments and who had wrapped her arms around him whispering that she was always there for him.
All questions about where she was, what she was doing and what had actually happened fled. Maybe they would talk about it again someday. Maybe Sasuke would listen to how scared Sakura had been when that man had touched her, but it certainly wouldn't happen today. Other things took center stage now; even if they shouldn't.
"I don't read your mind, Sakura." He said calmly, "And don't you even dare mention my problems, I didn't choose them for myself." Something flashed in his eyes "I'm grateful to you for what you do."
She was a terrible person. Tears streamed down Sakura's cheeks, smudging her mascara. She must have looked pathetic to him now. This was how she was acting.
She longed for the day to be over. For everything to return to normal "I can't function normally because I'm so damn scared you're going to do something terrible to yourself.", she confessed "I feel worse and worse every day, and a few nice moments won't improve my stress-induced state."
"Then maybe go to your home village without me after all. Preferably tomorrow already. I'll get you a person to take you there." she couldn't protest. Sasuke was probably nauseous at the sight of her now, "We could both use a moment alone."
"I'll be gone in the morning." She said weakly, with a sore head.
Neither of them waited; they ended the discussion. Sakura walked first, with tears continuously flowing from her eyes; the old ones didn't even have a chance to freeze. The wind became chillier, reddening her skin additionally.
They reached the house, and the atmosphere became thick. It was practically the same as the first time they took their first step here right after their wedding - as if they were strangers again. Sakura couldn't face Sasuke, apologize, because in spirit she was a little glad that she could shout out how she felt about the whole situation after such a long time. And it was thoughts like that that made her feel increasingly sick.
Closing the door, she pulled her bag off the top of the wardrobe and started throwing clothes into it. She didn't look at what exactly was landing inside, she didn't care - some crumpled dress, washed jeans, an old T-shirt, underwear of unknown origin. Everything and nothing.
In her mind, she only blamed herself. Something was happening around her. Nori seemed to have slipped into the room with her and was now demanding attention, but Sakura couldn't give it to him. Her gaze wandered to the ring. It was lying on the cabinet, glinting in the lamplight. If she had taken it with her, would she have avoided the situation at the bar? No, the man had simply been fucked.
Gently, as if it was about to fall apart, she picked it up. The gold jewelry was of considerable value. Sakura wanted to wear it to the end, but now, after what she had done, she wasn't sure she deserved it. She had broken every single rule imposed by Mikoto and Fugaku. She had hurt Sasuke, her husband. She had fallen low.
Guilt was a silent killer. Sakura left the room, standing at the table and looking at Sasuke. He straightened up, clasping his hand on the couch, but said nothing, didn't get up, just sat quietly, watching as she put the ring away and disappeared behind the door again.
In silence, she went back to packing, but emotions were beginning to take over Sakura. She threw the bag to hell, furious at... she didn't know for what. Tiredly, she walked over to the window, opened it and sat down on the sill, hugging her legs to her chest. Nori crouched down next to her. Then new tears flowed, mingling with cries of pain.
His head hurt mercilessly. Sasuke only managed to open his eyes, but he already knew she wasn't there. Neither next to him nor in any corner of the house.
a little bit has happened and we are slowly discovering Sasuke, his problems and psyche
there will be more of his point of view in the next chapters!
let me know what you think
see you 3