Her absence showed itself everywhere - starting from the missing breakfast on the table to the absence of the smell of the perfume she applied every morning. It was these little things normal people wouldn't notice that fueled Sasuke's anxiety.
Rising from the sofa, he grabbed his head. Throughout the night he had listened to her crying - once quiet, other times louder. It kept him awake, prevented from falling asleep, as if to punish him for what he had done. Because it was his fault for bringing Sakura in such a state, and he was too much of a coward to come up and apologize to her or talk again, only more gently, without anger. To tell her he didn't want her to leave at all. That he was torn by negative emotions. But his chance was gone.
Sasuke was the one who let her go.
Fingers began to tingle and the wounds on his body to burn. He'd only fallen asleep in the morning, so he didn't know exactly how long she'd been gone, but he already wished she'd come back. Sasuke needed Sakura, even if she didn't need him. Her touch, her smile, her eyes and her kindness kept him in this world, and without them he felt like a nobody.
Rubbing his eyes, he shook off the last signs of sleep. The clock ticked down with each passing second, inexorably counting down the time without her.
Unexpectedly, Nori appeared from the bathroom, meowing and demanding food. Sasuke trembled at the sight of the cat. Did Sakura hate him so much that she had left one of the most real evidence of her presence once here?
Nori stepped closer, and Sasuke swallowed saliva with difficulty.
"Go away." he commanded, hoping the animal would understand that he had no desire to see him; not at this moment. But a cat would always remain just a cat "Go away I said! She's gone!" Nori scowled softly under Sasuke's threatening tone "She's not here and she won't be back!" he picked up the ring, showing it to the cat, lowering his voice "See this? This is proof she's never coming home."
The gold jewelry was an invisible link between them. With Sakura leaving it, that bond broke. Sasuke was left alone in the empty house, and she was unknown where. If she set off without anyone to visit her parents, all that was left for him to do was to beg her to arrive unharmed.
Nori hopped onto the couch, slowly approaching Sasuke. He poked his elbow with his muzzle, purring quietly to reassure him.
"Why?" he said, wondering if he was falling into madness by talking to the cat "Why am I such a problem? Can't I do things differently? I was just scared, but of course I was thinking about how I would feel. Sakura was right." he stroked the pet "And that man..." he clenched his jaws.
Unfortunately, Sasuke couldn't see the man's face, so finding him didn't make the slightest bit of sense, but if he only knew him, that man would have been lying there with his head blown off a long time ago.
Clutching the ring, Sasuke stood up and put it in a drawer, then placed the picture down on the tabletop, unable to look at Sakura's face any longer. His heart ached strangely at the thought of her; not in the way it had when his friend had died or when his father had told him to come up with a better punishment because the previous one had been insufficient. This was a completely different kind of pain. Still Sasuke couldn't understand it.
The kitten, delighted that his owner was finally up, ran to the kitchen to ask for a bowl of food. Sasuke complied with his requests and stood in front of the fridge himself, staring at the meal. He didn't have the strength to do anything, so he took out the dinner Sakura had prepared for him yesterday before leaving and sat down at the empty table. The rice was barely passing through his throat, but he kept eating.
Practically half a day he sat on that hard chair, staring into nothingness. His brain was showing the memories, scolding him. Sasuke chastised himself for all the mistakes he'd made in the more than a year since their wedding. Maybe if he hadn't been so damn stupid now he/they would be living a better life. Like he was just a better person. There were too many of them, as if...
Nori jumped up on the table and licked Sasuke's cheek, bringing him back to reality. He wanted to eat again, but Sasuke could see something akin to human emotion in his blue eyes - worry. This cat was starting to look too much like Sakura.
Sasuke rose, fed the cat and looked at the clock, tired. Evening was approaching, and he couldn't sit still. A hopeless situation. He could go out to ask if anyone knew where Sakura is - but he wouldn't, because she had made up her mind and he wasn't going to blame her or ask her to come back, just wanting her to be happy - or ask the Hokage for a mission - but he was held back by common sense, which whispered to him that it wasn't certain he'd make it back alive.
Five minutes passed like a second. Sasuke was losing himself in time. And his thoughts.
Tugging at his hair, he wanted to stop thinking. He sat back down on the couch, but something was missing. He knew what. Rising with difficulty, Sasuke shuffled into the room. The wardrobe stood open, the bed was unmade, and most of Sakura's personal belongings were gone.
Sasuke lay down, inhaling the strawberry vanilla scent. This was where he wanted to stay. In the illusion; dreaming that she was still here.
It had been a long time since the longing had taken such a huge form. One could argue why - Sasuke tried to pretend their friendship had simply started to take a stronger hold, had almost jumped to the same level as it had with Naruto, but the truth turned out to be very different and Sasuke understood this as he lay and lay there like that, regretting every bad decision.
Heartbeat quickened, breath hitched every two seconds. Sasuke pulled himself up to sit down. It shouldn't be like this, it shouldn't, it shouldn't... and yet it happened - the feeling - the world-famous emotion, and the one that had never been born before in Sasuke's chest, was awakened, and it was because of this damn beautiful, good and kind woman who was, in theory, probably still his wife.
.
Glass spilled over the sink and the floor. Hundreds of pieces reflecting his face and showing the state to which a person can be pushed.
If his father found out, he would smile triumphantly and walk out to the study, while Sasuke would remain there angry at himself for letting his father win again. And then another tragedy would happen.
Picking up one piece from the ground, Sasuke began to turn it in his fingers, carefully examining its sharp edges. This glass could cut skin with the same force his words had cut Sakura's heart. He didn't deserve her, it was obvious. Her kindness and love. But did she love him? Of that he could not be sure. Sakura did and said things that made Sasuke feel more wanted, maybe even loved, but she might as well have been doing it out of duty.
Putting the edge to his hand and squeezing, a drop of blood appeared and flew down and landed on the white tile - like a tear. It hurt. The glass slipped from his hand. Sasuke took steps backwards, feeling a grip on his heart. He was too mentally sober to hurt himself. He admitted it. His brain could no longer pretend it was just friendship.
The bag bounced against her hip. Sakura walked down the streets of Konoha, all the while looking at her feet and not raising her head. It was very early in the morning - she had deliberately left home quickly so that she wouldn't have to face Sasuke. The whole argument had ripped the last remnants of life out of her.
The red swollen skin around her eyes was covered with three layers of concealer, and she applied transparent gloss to her lips to pretend that the puffy mouth was a special effect. Her blouse and trousers covered every bit of her body.
Sakura walked ahead aimlessly. She'd planned to go to her home village, but she was afraid to see her parents after so long and tell them she'd ruined everything - she wasn't even good enough to be a wife. In addition, the thought of leaving Sasuke and not being around if he did something to himself didn't give her peace of mind. Therefore, she was now heading in an unknown direction.
The birds kept her company, singing beautifully. Most of the people were still awake from their sleep, so Sakura didn't have to worry about the crooked stares. Sand was gathering in the air, and the smell of morning dew filled her nostrils.
There were at least ten motels in Konoha. On her first day in the village she slept in one of them, as there were small problems with housing. The prices were decent since her parents could afford it - she should go there, but she took too little money to live on. She wasn't earning money for herself, and although Sasuke (and his parents) had made it clear to Sakura that his paycheck was hers as well, neither before nor especially after tonight was Sakura going to take it.
Legs were beginning to tangle, making it difficult for her to walk. At this point she was in a hopeless situation. All her options had run out.
Turning left, she almost bumped into someone. All she could see were shoes, so when she raised her head she didn't expect that particular face.
"Sakura!"
Shisui. He looked tired and happy at the same time. His hair was blowing in different directions and his clothes were crumpled. Either he had returned home, or he hadn't yet.
"Nice to see you again, Shisui." She smiled bitingly, but after a second her mouth twisted downwards.
She was most likely not ready for this meeting. Sakura was angry, that was to be expected, but she also knew herself too well - she couldn't be mad, and more so to show her true emotions.
"I was so afraid I wouldn't find you again. I was just heading towards your house-" he interrupted, leaning in "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have left you alone for such a long time."
"Shisui, straighten up." She touched him gently on the shoulder "It's okay."
Sakura was becoming a queen at lying. If only it wasn't for the bag, Sasuke's cousin would have let it go right away. However, he looked at her suspiciously, clenching his jaw.
"Are you sure?"
"Yhym... It was late, so I finally went home." she was aware that this was not what he meant "I have clothes in my bag that I'm not wearing. I'll give them to Naruto, they might come in handy for Hinata." she smiled convincingly.
The blond boy was the first person who came to Sakura's mind. Naruto was one of her three friends, and since the rest were part of Sasuke's family, a big choice she didn't have. She used him as a bargaining chip.
"Ahhh, that's good." he grinned broadly, placing a hand on his hip. Shisui was glad to hear Sakura's explanation, as he had no need to feel guilty about anything after all "I was starting to worry that Sasuke kicked you out." he laughed.
Sakura's throat tightened, but she didn't drop her mask (probably).
"Come on! Sasuke, kick out, me? Funny." she waved her hand, shielding her eyes for a moment, and when she raised her gaze Shisui looked at her differently.
"Right? I don't know why I even thought of that." he tried to sound normal, but something felt off.
If he wanted Sakura to think he believed her story, it worked out well. And even if he really didn't catch on, he'd probably find out soon enough anyway. Sakura knew that, but she preferred not to face the truth now.
"Did you have fun, by the way?" she asked, dispelling the uncomfortable atmosphere and trying to drift onto another topic.
"Yea. Because of that we kind of... lost track of time." he explained briefly, a little embarrassed by this, "And you?"
"Okay. I've met some cool girls thanks to you." and I almost became the victim of an unstable man.
"I knew you guys would get along." he stated, then unexpectedly hugged her "I never told you this, but I'm glad to have you in the family, Sakura."
Her hand trembled.
"What's with all the affectionate words, eh?" she barely choked out.
"Hmm, I've had some time to think. You're such a ray of light for us, you know?" he began to whisper "Whatever happened, if it happened, between you and Sasuke, remember you can come to me or Itachi and talk about it. My cousin can talk shit on impulse."
Shisui, however, could read between the lines much better than Sasuke.
"It wasn't him this time."
"Ah, so that's how it is."
"I made a big mistake and—"
"Maybe you blame yourself too much?"
"What—?" what was he talking about, so suddenly "Where did that come from?"
Shisui shrugged his shoulders, stepped back gently and looked into her eyes, as if to answer her question with them.
"Sasuke is a difficult case of man. I don't want you to explain yourself to me, but you should talk to him calmly. The decision is yours, of course."
This serious, more mature Shisui was new to Sakura, but also a good surprise.
"Not today."
Maybe she wanted to give him a gram of hope (or herself), or maybe she couldn't (or was even afraid to) say out loud that there was a good chance Sasuke wouldn't take her back. Something, some silly subconscious, was keeping Sakura from believing Shisui.
"Think about it. You mean a lot more to him than you realize." He crossed his arms over his chest "Come, I'll accompany you to Naruto."
Grabbing her wrist, he began to head towards the blonde man. He didn't even allow Sakura a second to think after what he said, leaving her in shock.
Her friend led her down winding paths, remaining silent the whole way. How many lies had he believed her in? What did he know about Sasuke and his feelings? How close were they really, when Itachi, his own brother, had no idea of his dark side?
"Shisui..." she said, unsure of what she actually wanted to convey to him.
"If you want people to believe everything you say about Sasuke, then you need to stop reacting like that."
"Hee?"
"Sakura, I'm not stupid and I trust you, so stop lying to me. I see and understand what's going on around me. I also know what Sasuke can do to himself. Once, by accident, I walked into the bathroom while he was in it. It was right after his friend died." he drew in air loudly through his nose "He begged me not to tell anyone, so I didn't, even though I think every day about how big a mistake that was. I used to visit him often to see if he was okay, but at some point our relationship broke because of that, as I began to get too pushy. So, I stopped coming." he squeezed her tighter "After your words to Itachi, I knew you had figured it out too. I was glad that I'm not alone in this and Sasuke has a person beside him to help—"
"Do you want to make me feel guilty?" she immediately closed her eyelids after saying this sentence, regretting it.
"No. It can be very mentally exhausting. Sasuke and apparently you need to be apart for a while. Later you can start thinking about going back."
"And if I don't want to go back?"
He stopped abruptly, looking seriously into her eyes.
"You'll do what's best for you. No one will be mad."
Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was anger for simply leaving and starting a new life. However, Shisui didn't need to worry about that anyway. Her feelings for his cousin still kept her in Konoha. And they would be, until Sasuke made it clear that he himself wanted to break up their marriage.
The rest of the way they spent quietly passing through the streets of the village. More and more people were leaving their homes, hurrying to work or to get fresh bread from the bakery.
They reached their destination, passing through the gate and standing in front of the door. Before Sakura had time to knock, Shisui spoke up.
"So," he began uncertainly, "will you tell me honestly if you're sure nothing bad happened at the bar while I was gone?"
There was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Shisui was asking too much of her. She was in no position to do so.
"Nothing happened."
"Fine, fine." He knocked instead of her "I'll ask Itachi to check on his brother, okay?"
"Thanks."
Naruto opened, sleepy and unkempt. He barely opened one eye to catch a glimpse of who was hitting on him at such an early hour "Sakura? Shisui!?" he said too loudly, opening his eyes wide.
"We haven't seen each other in a long time!"
"It's your fault. All you do are missions over and over again!"
"That's the point of my job. At least I'm doing something."
"Oi, enough of that! You know very well why I sit at home."
"Okay, I didn't say anything." He raised his hands in a defensive gesture.
"So, why did you come here?"
Naruto finally turned more of his attention to Sakura, who watched their exchange of words, happy. She hadn't expected them to be good friends either.
"Sakura needs a place to sleep for a while."
The blond man raised an eyebrow, sensing something suspicious in that sentence (he wasn't wrong at all), but acceded to the request "No problem."
Shisui said his goodbyes, calmer that Sakura wouldn't be wandering around Konoha alone not knowing where.
Stepping inside, she was greeted by the pleasant smell of violet perfume. Everything was neatly arranged, cleaned and organized. Pictures hung on the walls, depicting two people in love. Sakura turned to Naruto.
"I don't know how to thank you—"
"What did he do?" he asked harshly, without beating about the bush.
"... Nothing."
"I don't believe you."
"I know." She moved closer to her friend "I'm only gonna be here for a few days to decide what to do next."
"Should I talk to him?"
"No. We're married, we'll figure it out on our own." she smiled sadly.
Naruto sighed, but ended the subject "I'll show you the room. I just happen to have one empty, for guests."
Eyes were starting to dry from the constant staring. Sasuke hadn't gone to bed last night, sitting up all night on the bed and drawing lines on pieces of paper. He still couldn't come to terms with his condition, with his feelings.
Nori accompanied him, lying on Sakura's pillow - he missed her as much as Sasuke did. A quiet murmur occasionally made its presence known.
Finishing another thing he had been working on for over ten hours, he put it in a white envelope, sealing it tightly and putting it in a pile. Sasuke stared at the stack of letters he would never send, finding that he was acting as if he was in some sort of mania.
Longer he couldn't stand it, so he hid the envelopes in a cupboard, locking it. Thoughts of her only compounded his suffering. He had to stop before despair overwhelmed him.
Rising from bed, he made his way to the living room. Before he got there, however, a knock on the door reached his ears. He wasn't expecting a visitor, so there was a quiet hope smouldering in him that it was Sakura (she could always forget to take her keys with her in a hurry, and he hadn't really checked to see if she had locked the door after she left). Sasuke almost ran to the entrance and quickly opened it. To his displeasure, Itachi was standing in front of him.
His brother smiled his own way, nodding his head in a gesture of greeting. Sasuke blinked his eyes rapidly, then pulled his eyebrows together, anger beginning to bubble up inside him. How could he be so unmoved? Didn't he know what had happened to Sakura, because of him?
"What do you want?" he asked, grinding his teeth.
"Nice to see you too, little brother." Itachi was unconcerned by Sasuke's humor.
"Don't mess with me, Itachi." He pointed a finger at him "Why did you come here, eh? If you're looking for Sakura then she's not here. Which is a shame. I should take you to her now, and you should apologize to her for what you did."
"I hurt Sakura? I've never heard of that before."
"Don't play dumb," he said harshly, ignoring the confusion on his brother's face, "Two days ago, you met with her. You had one job - to bring her home safely, but when I came back, she was gone. Do you know where I found her? In the street, wearing a dress different from the one she left in, running away from some man. If something had happened to her—"
"Shisui."
"What?"
"Let's save that conversation for another time."
Itachi walked past Sasuke, entering the house. His pouty nature did not please him. Since he had started this topic, it had to be finished; especially since it was one of the more important ones - his wife had almost been hurt.
"No, I want to hear your explanation now."
"Sasuke..."
"Stop it, Itachi, just talk. This is about Sakura." he grabbed him by the arm.
Itachi gave in, looking into his brother's eyes "I got an urgent call to the Hokage, so I asked Shisui to escort Sakura home. I was hoping he would, but," he pressed his lips into a thin line, "apparently, he probably took her to the bar. We had an appointment, but unfortunately I couldn't go."
The anger directed at Itachi shifted gears, twisting and landing in Sasuke's mind on the figure of his cousin. Their relationship had already been hanging in the balance for four years through Shisui's excessive knowledge of the secret, but now it was close to being ruined. How could he not think so?
"That motherfucker—"
Sasuke grabbed his shoes, wanting to go out and look for his stupid cousin, but Itachi stopped him by placing a hand on his torso.
"Nothing under the influence of emotion, little brother. I understand your anger, I'm feeling it myself right now. However, you need to calm down a bit."
Why was Itachi right all too often? Sasuke knew what his words were capable of, and for now, he should cool down to avoid doing another stupid thing.
"To answer your earlier question, I was asked to see how you were doing."
Turning around he fixed his gaze on his brother's back. Itachi took off his shoes and shuffled down the corridor, leaving Sasuke behind.
"What for?"
"You had an argument with Sakura, and she left..."
The voice came from somewhere in the living room. Sasuke quickly made his way there, watching Itachi put the wedding photo straight.
"Who told you? She? Do you know where she is?"
The image of Sakura was now embedded in his mind, pushing Shisui away. His thoughts pushed against each other; he probably wouldn't be able to find peace for the next few days, but would he ever? Maybe sometimes, when she was at his side.
"No, not her. I have no idea where Sakura is. I spoke to Shisui and decided I'd keep you company."
Irritation occurred on Sasuke's face.
"You were talking, with him? And he's the one who told you that? Great. I don't need a babysitter, Itachi."
Tapping his fingers against thighs, he waited for his brother to speak up, explaining further. Itachi, however, sat down on the couch, taking the TV remote in his hand.
"Yes, I spoke to him. But Shisui spoke to Sakura earlier, and it was more specifically her who asked me to take care of you." he said, not looking him in the eye. Either he was lying to him, knowing that her name would calm his nerves, or he was telling the truth, "She's as worried about you as I am."
"Unnecessary." Sasuke commented, treading on thin ground.
The last person he wanted to disappoint was Itachi - the older brother who was an authority figure for him. Because how would he feel if he knew that his younger brother, the person he wanted to protect from all the evil in this world, was hurting himself?
"We'll have a wonderful time together, you'll see." he commented only, no longer heeding Sasuke's words.
Itachi patted the seat next to him, inviting him in, but Sasuke couldn't do that, he needed privacy - nor was he able to talk about Sakura or himself. Heading into the room, he took out another piece of paper and an envelope, losing himself in his never-ending task, with Nori at his side.
The ceiling now seemed to be the most interesting thing in the world. Sakura was lying on a rather soft bed and her bag lay on the floor, still unpacked. Instead of settling into her new place, she lost herself in thought.
Thoughts that plagued her and kept her awake. Over and over again, she asked herself the same questions - What if Sasuke doesn't miss me at all? Or is he killing himself silently? Is everything okay with him and Nori? Did Shisui ask Itachi to visit him?
As time went on, the questions began to change form too; they weren't about Sasuke - Am I feeling well? Why couldn't I wear a dress today when the weather had been nice since this morning? How much longer will this man be in my head, making everything difficult?
It was an endless spiral of regrets and constant 'buts'.
Getting up, tired of herself, Sakura left the room, heading for the kitchen. She just needed someone to make her stop thinking. A simple conversation would take her mind off of it and maybe allow her to live a normal life for at least a little while.
The smell of coffee wafted through the air, filling the entire house. Entering the kitchen, Sakura noticed Naruto across in the living room, packing something into a large carry-on bag. He hadn't even sensed her arrival.
"What are you doing?"
The blond man shuddered at her unexpected words, lifting his head and taking the cup in his hand.
"I'm getting ready for the hospital. I should be leaving in ten minutes." He said as if nothing had ever happened, sipping his drink in one gulp.
A shiver ran over Sakura's skin. She associated hospitals with nothing but sickness and death.
"Umm... something happened?"
The tone of her voice stopped Naruto momentarily. He looked at her with wide-open eyes, then lifted a finger up, smiling nervously.
"Ahh, because I didn't tell you, did I." He scratched the back of his neck "Actually, only three people knew. I became a father yesterday morning."
Nervousness on her face gave way to shock. Sakura parted her lips, blinking and shaking her head but making no sound. She had to pick up the pieces of the puzzle that had shattered in her mind.
"Whaaat— Did Sasuke know?" she muttered, looking suspiciously at her friend.
"Welll, he was the first person I told this secret to."
"Secret?" she asked dully, "Never mind. He didn't tell me anything!" she muttered under her breath "You too! I thought we were friends!"
"Because we're friends, I promise, dattebayo!" Naruto raised his hands in the air, almost spilling the remains of his coffee "It was quite a delicate matter. Hinata's family isn't very well-disposed towards me. In fact, they didn't even let us be together, heh." he spoke too quickly and conveyed too much information at once.
Sakura rested her hands on the tabletop.
"I'm lost."
"Uh, sooo. We've been together for four years, but Hinata was supposed to marry someone else from her clan from the beginning of her life." he placed the mug in the sink "She objected to it, and her father got very pissed." he returned to the living room and zipped up his bag "That's why, even though we've lived together for three years, we can't marry each other. Her father still protests against it."
"And that's why you kept her pregnancy a secret."
"Yes, we preferred to put her father before the fact. And it wasn't difficult to hide it. Due to health problems, Hinata stayed at home a lot."
"Aha." she smiled softly. Despite the contradictions of fate, they had managed to start a family and Sakura was damn proud of her friend "I still think you should tell me. I can keep a secret." she teased, biting her lip to keep from smiling too hard.
"I don't doubt it, Sakura-chan, but..."
"I understand, Naruto." she walked up to him "Now I feel bad for coming to you. I'll just be in your way." she said with remorse in her voice.
"Don't even think that!"
"You guys should be left alone with the baby. I haven't had time to unpack yet, so I'm going to grab my things and look for—"
Naruto silenced her by grabbing her arm.
"No, Sakura. Sasuke would kill me if I let you leave now."
"I doubt he cares—"
"I do care. He does too. And I want you by my side." her eyes glazed over, as did his. The soothing silence, full of understanding, was broken by the chiming of eight o'clock. Naruto panickedly grabbed his bag "I have to go, Hinata and Boruto are waiting for me! The spare keys are hanging next to the door. You can use whatever you want, Sakura-chan. I'll be back late, dattebayo!" he shouted and a second later he was gone.
She was left alone again. The intrusive thoughts kept coming back, throwing out of her head the happy information she had just received. Sakura felt hopeless.
Grabbing her temples, she rushed to the bathroom and locked herself inside, directing her gaze to the mirror. She looked like a wreck, not a human being. A life like this could not be called a life.
Sakura clenched her fists on her blouse, feeling the tears rising under her eyelids. She had no idea why she wanted to cry - too much of everything had accumulated at one time, ruining her. She needed something to do immediately. She hadn't brought drawing tools with her, but they wouldn't even be of use to her at the moment; she didn't have any books either. Sakura found herself in a black spot until she spotted the mess on the washbasin. Barely visible, but it was there.
At express pace, she searched through the cupboards and pulled out cleaning products. If she needed to focus her thoughts on something other than life's tragedies, she had just found the perfect springboard. The whole house was kept clean, she could see that, but not in perfection. This way she would be able to repay Naruto and Hinata for their hospitality.
Of course, she was right. Sakura scrubbed even the smallest stains, focusing her attention on them and not dwelling on other topics. After three hours of incessant cleaning, she took a yogurt out of the fridge, but when she tried to eat it, her throat tightened painfully. Stress was bad for Sakura's nutrition. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten a full meal. She left half a yogurt on the coffee table and lay down on the couch, tired to the point of exhaustion. Sleep quickly overtook her.
Sakura was awakened from her slumber by the thump of her foot on the floor. Slowly she began to slide off the sofa, made to twist from side to side as she fled from her nightmares. Opening her still tired eyes, she glanced at the clock - nine pm, and Naruto wasn't there yet.
Not wanting the first thing he saw to be sleeping on the sofa, she got up and ate her yogurt, almost returning it to the ground. She washed up nicely after herself and headed for the shower, before locking herself in her room and going to bed.
That's what her next three days looked like.
A black T-shirt clung to his back and his hair, unwashed for two days, overlapped his forehead. Fresh air streamed in through the open window. Nori curled up at his side, sleeping peacefully.
Sasuke was sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed frame, holding the one and only photo Sakura had left in the wardrobe. The rather old photograph showed a more or less six-year-old version of her, smiling and stroking a small dog.
For a long time he could not take his eyes off it. Just as he couldn't look at her face before because he felt an unutterable emptiness, now he needed to be reminded of her appearance. Sakura's absence was devastating him even more.
A sudden unpleasant smell roused him from his trance. It was time to wash up. Not leaving the room did not serve Sasuke well.
On his way out of the room, he met Itachi. His brother was standing in the corridor taking off his shoes, shopping in hand. Instead of moving on, Sasuke stagnated until Itachi finally noticed him and smiled, pleased that his little brother had finally left the room.
"Good morning, Sasuke. Did you sleep well?" he asked, as if nothing had ever happened.
It was as if he hadn't come to the door several times a day at all, trying to drag Sasuke out to spend time with him or just get cleaned up. Itachi was glad that at least he was taking the food he had prepared and not starving himself, offended at everything around him.
"Yes." he replied, deciding not to be an ass to his own older brother, who, annoying though it is, only wants good things for him.
"Excellent." Itachi started for the kitchen, with Sasuke right behind him, "I met Mother on the way. She asked you to come and help her make wicker baskets."
"She started doing it again?"
"She finally got some well-deserved time off. Let her enjoy doing what she likes, Sasuke."
Setting out and hiding the purchased products, Itachi glanced non-stop over his shoulder as if Sasuke was about to disappear from him.
"I'm not forbidding her from having fun, but why should I be there. After all, she knows perfectly well how to make them."
Leaning against the wall, he crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his fingers on his forearm. He loved his mother, he could do anything for her, but meeting her after quite a long time seemed like a sentence. Sasuke wasn't sure if his psyche could withstand questions about Sakura - because of course there would be some. Mikoto was very fond of his wife.
"I assume she only wants to spend some time with you." commented Itachi "You know, she had her son at her place for twenty years, and now she rarely sees him."
Practically never was his brother wrong. Although he didn't have the strength, Sasuke didn't resist any more "Fine. I'll come to her."
"Congratulations for your bravery, little brother." He smiled softly, as was his habit, at which Sasuke rolled his eyes "Just please have a proper bath."
He sighed in exasperation "I was just about to do that."
Unexpectedly, Nori appeared, begging for food. Sasuke was about to retreat from the kitchen to head towards the bathroom, but Itachi crossed the distance separating them and tapped him gently on the forehead.
"Sasuke, I'm proud of you."
He placed his hand where his brother's fingers had been a moment ago and lowered his gaze, not understanding what had suddenly occurred to him, but still feeling that strange, warm and pleasant sensation in his chest.
.
Reluctantly, though with good intentions, Sasuke walked the short distance separating him from his family home. The dark shirt allowed a fair amount of air through, but the heat was making its presence known anyway, taking as much water from his body as possible. At least the wet patches under his armpits won't be so noticeable, Sasuke consoled himself. The beginning of May started fatally and heralded a future drowning in one's own sweat and lack of strength to do anything, with the possibility of getting sunstroke.
Fortunately, Sasuke was getting closer and closer to home; a place where he could relax. Nothing could spoil his mood anymore. Almost nothing.
"Shisui." he hissed through his teeth, wondering if the world was bullying him.
For his cousin, this encounter was not at all pleasant. Shisui, however, did not act as if he understood his predicament. He smiled and waved him off, shouting "Sasuke!" joyfully.
Changing direction, he stepped hard on the ground, not with a good attitude. He had been planning their meeting in his head from time to time since he found out, but nothing had prepared him for it though. Itachi's and his own request not to do anything under the influence of emotion evaporated as soon as Shisui appeared in Sasuke's sight.
Grabbing him by the collar he shook him, looking on with rage in his eyes. His cousin flinched at this unexpected reaction, and the joy disappeared from his face, replaced by confusion and, after a moment, irritation. Shisui did not like Sasuke's behavior.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"You have no idea how much I hate you right now." he expressed his feelings out loud, wanting Shisui to realize the seriousness of the situation.
But it probably didn't work well. Instead of piecing together the facts (although Sasuke wasn't sure what actually happened in that bar), Shisui thought about the second issue that stemmed from the first.
"Are you angry at me for taking Sakura to a bar to have fun and meet new people, or are you angry at yourself for causing an argument again and letting her go?"
Sasuke was angry at both things. Most of the time, of course, at himself. He was wrestling with his thoughts, regretting the words that had come out of his mouth and the lack of a conversation where maybe this could have all been salvaged sooner, but he wouldn't let someone who most likely had no idea about the whole thing and what was going on in his marriage have the nerve to say something like that.
Taking the grip off Shisui, Sasuke sent him another look full of venom. His cousin didn't even feel guilty.
"It's all your fault." he stated, wanting to make him realise how much he had fucked up "Do you even know what you did, or did Sakura not tell you?"
"I talked to her and she said she had a good time thanks to me."
"Oh, and why didn't you walk her home?"
"She came back alone, nothing happened." he stated, swallowing saliva.
Shisui grew nervous as he couldn't anticipate the next move of the man across from him. And that was all it took for Sasuke to finally realize that his cousin had no clue what had happened.
"Ah, sure. And didn't she seem a little strange to you the last time you saw her, though?"
"She seemed, but that was because of an argument with you, Sasuke."
"Hn, it seems to me that the man who chased her for a known purpose also had something to do with her bad mood."
At his words, Shisui straightened up like a string and furrowed his brow in regret. His version of events had changed dramatically.
"She didn't tell me..."
"Of course she didn't. A lot of things Sakura doesn't say." he informed annoyed "How dare you leave her alone?"
"I—"
"There's no excuse here. If you had stayed by her side nothing would have happened and she would have stayed at home. Where is Sakura anyway?" Sasuke was losing his nerve.
"All I can tell you is that she's in a safe place."
That wasn't what he wanted to know. That wasn't the point. He couldn't handle being alone any longer.
"Where—"
"Sasuke! Shisui!"
At the same moment they turned around, noticing a cheerful Izumi walking towards them. Sasuke didn't have the slightest desire to chat further with his cousins. Their conversation was over.
"I have to go."
Taking off his shoes, he threw them aside, still swollen with emotion. Sasuke made his way through the living room finding himself in the kitchen. At the long table sat Fugaku, reading the newspaper and finishing his coffee.
"Sasuke, son." greeted him, without even lifting his head from the table.
"Father." he replied, and as soon as Fugaku looked at him, he realized that anger continued to bubble up in his voice.
"You don't look well. Is something wrong? Is your wife causing problems?"
It was easy for his father to make things worse. Breathing slowly to calm his nerves and not say anything stupid, Sasuke leaned against the tabletop.
"Everything's fine with Sakura. She's not causing any problems." Annoyed, he massaged his nose "Why would she, huh?"
"You recently swore that any woman I chose for you would be horrible. That's exactly what you said. Has anything changed though? Did you like her?"
Fugaku had specifically mentioned this in order to draw out important information from his son - and to expose his feelings to the empty field.
"Don't imagine too much."
Sasuke stepped back, wanting to go to his mother's room, which she used as a place to make crafts, but Mikoto ran down the stairs. The fear in her eyes did not match. His mother rarely panicked in this way.
"I have new information."
From sleep she was awakened by her own scream. Sakura covered her mouth with her hands, breathing too fast. She didn't even remember what she had dreamt about. For days she had fallen on her bed from exhaustion, falling asleep before her body touched the mattress.
It was madness. No other name could be given to it.
Listening for a moment, Sakura concluded that if Naruto and Hinata had returned then they must have been asleep. She had spent all day today cleaning her room and not leaving it, so she had no idea what was going on behind the walls.
Every minute Sakura had put into focusing on the tiny specks and dust, and not once did Sasuke cross her mind. Until now.
"Ughh..." another irritation caught her.
The solution to the problem would have been easy - talk - that's what Shisui had advised, but Sakura wasn't ready for that. And because of that, she was stuck in a vicious circle.
A knock on the door came unexpectedly. Shuddering on the bed, she moved the mattress. The knocking was repeated once more. Sakura finally got up and opened it. Before her she saw a beautiful woman with pale eyes and long dark hair.
"Hi." she greeted, and her voice was melodious and soothing "You must be Sakura."
"And you're Hinata." She extended her hand to the woman.
Hinata smiled gently, shaking hands with Sakura. She exuded a tender, calming energy; the kind of energy Sakura had been missing lately.
"I'm glad to finally meet you. Naruto-kun has told me a bit about you."
"Oh." the atmosphere was uncomfortable. Sakura had lost all verve and communication skills. Additionally, Hinata seemed to be a very quiet person; valuing silence and limiting words to the most important ones "Congratulations, by the way."
The woman squinted her eyes and nodded softly, gratefully "Thank you, Sakura-san."
"Sakura is enough." She said quickly, to get rid of the invisible wall that formed when she added endings to names.
"If that's what you prefer. I didn't mean to disturb you, but I heard a scream. Are you all right?"
A blush of embarrassment came to her cheeks. So they had heard her after all.
"Yes, I just had a... bad dream."
"Mm, I can make you some melissa. You'll sleep better."
"Thanks, but no need." she declined pleasantly "I don't want to burden you more."
"Actually, today I have full strength. Naruto-kun is taking care of our son. He wanted it himself." She laughed, one of her hands holding her stomach. Sakura hadn't seen such a radiant and happy woman before "May I come in?"
She raised her eyebrows up and stepped aside "Sure. This is pretty much your room."
Hinata sat on the edge of the bed, placing her hands in her lap. Her expression was more serious now. Sakura didn't need to be clairvoyant to know what was about to happen. In the evenings, she avoided talking to Naruto about Sasuke, lest she give in and cry in the middle of it all. And at this point, her feelings would again be put to the test.
"Sakura," she began softly, "I didn't come here just for that reason. Naruto-kun said there was something bothering you and it also has to do with your husband. I'll be honest, I don't know Sasuke very well and I'm not asking you to confess your problems to me because we don't know each other, but maybe I can help you in some way?"
"Thank you for asking, but I doubt I need help. I'm managing on my own for now."
"And what are you doing?"
The question took her by surprise "Um..."
"Sitting at home all the time is not good."
"I have an activity that keeps me from thinking about everything," she excused herself, biting her lip. The conversation was nothing like what she was thinking about.
"And do you like doing this?" Sakura opened her mouth, but said nothing. Hinata took her hand in hers, "I'm sorry to question you like this, but this is about your health. It's very important. So?"
"... No."
"In my opinion, you should find a job or activity that makes you happy, Sakura."
Why was talking about herself so difficult? Why was her heart beating at an alarming rate? What was going on?
"It's not that simple, Hinata. The rules—"
"I had them too." she interjected, with an apologetic face. Sakura was able to forgive her for everything "The rules set by my father." for the first time she heard the anger in the woman's voice "It was terrible. And then I started putting myself first. Sakura, you are the most important thing in your own life."
The words stirred something inside her. No one had ever separated her from Sasuke before. They kept talking about their relationship, trying to give them advice, wanting to repair their relationship. And she went along with it. She always put others above herself and eventually lost her way. Where was she - Sakura - in all of this? What place was she in? Maybe the last one. Hinata had only just made her realize this, shown her a better way. She needed to start with herself first, then think about the rest.
She was a single individual with her desires, emotions, cravings and dreams. Sasuke was in her world, acting as her husband, but without a good relationship with herself, she would not be able to build a stable relationship. People were interesting entities, often difficult to understand. However, they were able to complement each other. But if someone is not fully themselves, they won't find another fullness to match.
The first tear flew, soaking the trousers. The second stopped at the tip of her nose, then fell onto the bed sheets. Hinata captured Sakura's head carefully and let her cry onto her shoulder.
.
For the first time, Sakura woke up without a thought about this whole mess called - marriage. She got dressed full of energy, made breakfast for Naruto and Hinata, who were barely alive after a hard night's sleep (Boruto turned out to be quite a loud kid), ate a bit by herself, then left the house with one goal - to find a job.
Another rule will be broken - if Sasuke's parents had found out, they would have sent her home themselves. But Sakura didn't care about that, not today.
With her head proudly raised, she walked ahead. She remembered that flower shop very clearly. She was captivated by its décor and interior. And the energetic blonde with long hair looked like a really nice woman. Sakura had a little hope that the job offer would still be valid, although a lot could change in over a year.
Passing the cafes she found herself in quite a crowd. The nice weather on Saturday had attracted many people. With lightness, Sakura dodged people, circling around them practically like a ballerina. Everything was going well, she practically stepped out onto a side street, until...
He was standing there. Some man. He stared at her, not moving an inch. From a distance, his eyes resembled two black saucers, without any flash.
Sweat broke out on the back of her neck. The blood began to circulate faster in her veins, her heart almost stopped. Memories of fear and terror returned. Sakura was beginning to regret putting on the long dress (she thought it had been long enough since that event) - though she didn't want any man to make her feel bad about her body and what she was wearing.
Clasping her hand on the material, she longed to be in a safe place, devoid of male strangers. Sakura took one step back, but he did not move. He stood as if hypnotized. And he didn't resemble that man from the bar one bit.
Maybe he had mistaken her for someone? Maybe she had caught his eye? Or maybe he was looking for her?
However, she had no plans to solve this mystery.
The confidence she had built up throughout the night was gone, replaced by pain. Sakura almost retreated and went back to the house, but the man suddenly disappeared.
"Sakura-san! I'm so happy to see you." she heard a voice beside her, but she didn't turn her head. She searched for that stranger, "I wasn't looking for you, of course, but I find that our meetings are no coincidence." she saw nothing; he really evaporated "Sakura-san?"
She finally looked at the speaker.
"Lee!"
"You remember me! How cool." a big smile adored his face. The green costume was still the same one she had last seen him in "What are you doing here?"
"Heading to the flower shop."
"I had a feeling you loved flowers. People look happier among them, did you know? It adds to their youthfulness." Lee said unabashedly, "May I accompany you?"
Although she didn't know him very well, he didn't seem like a person not worth trusting, quite the opposite. She would not refuse a companion now.
"Sure."
The rest of the way it was Lee who spoke and Sakura who listened. She didn't possess the heart to interrupt his stories about his training and dreams. The boy turned out to be seriously great company. Before they knew it, they had to say goodbye.
Sakura glanced at the door of the flower shop, looking for a note - there was none, she might have expected it. Nevertheless, she entered. She was greeted by the wonderful smell of flowers and colors. A workplace like a dream.
"Good morning."
A woman similar to the previous blonde, only slightly older greeted her. She stood behind the counter and looked at Sakura intently.
"Good morning."
"What will it be for you? A bouquet, something else?"
"Actually, I came to ask about a job." she said on one exhale so as not to chicken out "There was an offer posted a year ago, but it's gone now and I assume I'm late, but I wanted to ask. Just to be sure."
"We have already hired an employee." she replied, as if she got such questions every day.
"Ah, that's all right. I'll take three roses then."
It was silly to leave empty-handed, and Sakura would take the opportunity to thank Hinata once more with a small gesture. She should have enough money. She walked over to the vase, picking out the prettiest ones.
The flower shop owner watched her vigilantly until her eyes suddenly shone and she asked, "Do you know anything about flowers?"
Sakura sensed an opportunity "No, not a bit, but I'm a fast learner."
"And have you ever worked?"
"No."
"Maybe I could find an occupation for you, though." Sakura held her breath as she waited for the next part of her statement, "My daughter is pregnant and unfortunately unable to stand a few hours at work. You would take care of pruning the stems and preparing the flowers for the exhibition. Would that suit you?"
"Of course." She held out her hand to the woman "Thank you very much, ma'am."
"Ino, come to me!"
The other blonde came out from behind the door behind the counter.
"Yes, Mum?"
"We have a new employee. She'll be helping you." She announced, and Ino swept her eyes over Sakura.
"Come with me." She led her to the back of the shop. It was her Sakura had seen earlier. A short dress bounced around her thigh, rounded at her stomach "This is where you'll be working. Come at around three in the afternoon. That's when I get tired and go home, so we'll switch. I'll teach you everything, so don't worry about a thing." A beautiful smile blossomed on her face "Do you have any hobbies?"
"Drawing."
"Really?" she became more lively "Oh my god. My dream was to publish a book about flowers, you know, to get people more interested, but I wanted the drawings to be hand painted. And now you come along!"
"Umm..."
Taking an extra chair Ino gave it to a surprised Sakura.
"I'll pay you, of course."
"You seriously want my drawings to be in your book?"
"And why not?" she took a piece of blank paper and a pencil out of the cupboard "Show me what you can do."
Sakura quickly set about drawing. She sketched a rose as she remembered its appearance the most. She corrected the drawing with shading and added a few light lines and finished.
"Oh dear, how pretty."
She blushed slightly, realizing that Ino was only the sixth person to see her skill "Thank you."
"What's your name?"
"Sakura."
Silence hung in the air, broken after a long moment. Ino took a long time to process the information in her head.
"Uchiha?"
"Yes."
"Then now I'm not surprised why Sasuke is into you— I haven't seen him in a while. How is he?"
She hung her head and played with her fingers.
"I don't want to talk about him. I came here to focus on myself."
She knew - one look at Ino was enough - that more questions were pressing to her lips, but she respected her and changed the subject of their further conversation immediately.
"Then tell me something about yourself. I want to get to know you, Sakura."
The next few hours were spent studying and helping Ino, while having non-stop conversations with the blonde. All the previous issues seemed like a drop in the ocean. It was only when it was time to part ways that Sakura felt another wave of fear. The man was still walking around Konoha somewhere.
Grabbing her bag, she walked out, waving goodbye. Upon her first step outside, she immediately strained her gaze. Empty. No telling how much. Sakura walked ten meters and felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned abruptly, almost screaming.
"What a coincidence, Sakura-san! How was it?"
It was just Lee. She needed a moment to calm her heart and be able to answer normally.
"Very well. I got the job."
"Congratulations!"
Without even needing to ask her a second time, he simply walked her back to Naruto's house. Sakura strolled to her room and lay down, not thinking too much. The next few days ran with the same rhythm.
At work, she busied herself with an assigned task from Ino's mother and with her drawings. She painted flowers prepared by her new friend, experimenting with watercolor paints. Some she drew four times each.
And every day she came and went with Lee. The boy kept her company, warding off her fear of men, and his stories gave Sakura the motivation to change in one direction.
"Do you have time in the evenings, Lee?"
Getting rid of his facial hair was a good idea. Sasuke finally resembled himself.
He turned off the water in the tap, wiping his wet hair with a towel. Which week was it that he had to dream of her presence? The second? The third? These dreams were slowly beginning to become nightmares.
Putting on his usual black clothes, Sasuke walked out of the bathroom, smelling a fried egg. Itachi had prepared breakfast for him, as usual. However, he noticed Naruto in the chair instead of his brother.
"How did you get in here?"
"Itachi let me in before he left."
Sasuke already knew what he was going to have to have a serious talk with him about - not letting anyone in when he wasn't in the mood. Which was now practically always.
"Is it so important that you had to bother me?"
"Yes." the seriousness in his friend's tone did not herald anything good. Sasuke pulled his eyebrows together "It's about Sakura." her name alone evoked extreme feelings in him. Naruto rose from his seat "She asked me not to talk to you, but I'm becoming increasingly concerned about her behavior."
"She stays with you," he muttered under his breath.
All the time he had her close by. He could have gone to her, but he couldn't either. The situation was difficult, twisted.
"Yes. And that's why I decided to come to you, because I see things that she herself doesn't see."
"What's going on?" Sasuke concentrated on her health.
"She practically eats nothing, comes home tired and goes straight to sleep. Her expression, when she thinks no one is looking, is very sad. I don't know what to do."
"Try to talk to her."
It seemed the obvious and most normal solution. But only because Sasuke himself didn't know what to make of this fact. Sakura avoided talking about herself like a fire, so it wasn't really clear how to help her.
"I wish it were that simple, Sasuke." Naruto spread his hands in helplessness "It seems to me that you should be the one to talk to her."
He looked at him resignedly.
"Really? As if you didn't know—"
"I know. I discussed it with Hinata and we think it's the best option."
And what could she possibly know about it, he wanted to say, but he kept those words to himself.
Sasuke wanted to meet Sakura, sure, but not out of compulsion. He didn't want her to shut the door in front of his nose and tell him to leave her alone. He had no plans to disturb her privacy. He had put off the decision to find her for a long time, because he would be overstepping his bounds by doing so. But if he was the only person who could help her now...
"Fine."
Leaving Naruto alone for a moment, he returned to the room and took out a box of letters. He quickly opened the last of them and erased the writing on the side of the page, before tucking it back in and returning to his friend.
"Tell her, if she wants it, to come to the café we were at last time, tomorrow at twelve pm. And give it to her."
"Thanks." He took the box "But don't think to yourself that I've forgotten. We'll have a talk too." He lowered his gaze, lowering his voice "Sakura deserves someone better." he stated and Sasuke wasn't at all surprised "But I'm your friend and—"
"I want to become better. For her."
And for himself.
The sight of the fifty letters on the bed caught her by surprise. Sakura touched the first one, running her fingers over it gently. She knew right from the start who they were from.
As carefully as she could, she opened the second. And the third. And the fourth. In each was a single sheet of paper. And on the paper a drawing - of her face.
She looked closely at all of them - they weren't the most beautiful, but the details on the eyes and mouth stood out. Sasuke tried to reproduce them as best he could.
On the last one, the newest one, there was a barely visible, practically grated inscription - Come back, Sakura.
Setting it aside, she glanced at the calendar. Enough time had passed.
"You've come back."
it was the hardest part to write, but also necessary because they were finally able to understand a lot of things about themselves and their feelings. now it will only get better and we will experience a more trying and caring Sasuke ;p
let me know what you think!