The sun warmed their faces. Sakura followed her father in silence. Two days on the road had exhausted her physically, but also mentally.
Her father's reticence was bothering her and she couldn't break it herself, and she so desperately longed for him to finally speak up. But she could only dream about it.
Sasuke stepped right beside her, not entering her personal space. He understood Sakura's need for a moment to herself and decided to respect that. Only in the evenings did he break his resolve when they went to bed in a small room, rented for the need of only one night, where he took her in his arms and stroked her hair gently, waiting for her to fall asleep. And always afterwards he would go and lie down on his futon, though she didn't push him off it at all.
"We'll be there soon." Kizashi informed, speaking up for general necessity.
Sakura nodded, speeding up. She sensed a good opportunity to catch her father's attention and ask him for a word. To do so, she reached out, almost having his arm in her grasp, but refrained at the last moment and retreated into the shadows.
"It's going to be okay."
Sasuke's soft voice flowed into her ears. She glanced at him and smiled sadly. She didn't exactly feel like talking. Was she turning into her father? Let's hope not…
They walked another two kilometers and the walls of the village appeared to their eyes. Her former home had hardly changed at all. It still smelled of flowers blooming on every side, on every patch of vacant grass and there were still kids hanging around. Sakura herself had once been one of them herself, along with Temari, Kankuro and Gaara.
She sighed at that memory. How much she would give to go back to those blissful times. Or perhaps more just specific events. To her previous life she wouldn't want to return. She had suffered too much.
Taking her first step into her home village, she felt nervously excited.
"I missed, not missing this place at all." She turned to Sasuke "Is that strange? Normal?"
"Absolutely." He grabbed her wrist, finally interrupting their distance "You have conflicting memories with your home, so it's natural that your emotions won't be straightforward either. If something happens then..." he stammered, as if gathering his thoughts "I'm always here for you."
Sakura smiled, squeezing his little finger with her other hand. This was what Sasuke wanted, this was what she adored, this was what she aspired to in their relationship - mutual support and trust.
"Thank you," her voice was warm and kind, "really. It means a lot to me."
"No..."
A grunt interrupted their moment. They turned to see Kizashi standing next to them, waiting for either of them to finally turn their attention to him. Sasuke let go of Sakura, and the latter approached her father.
"Here are the keys to our old house," he pulled a bunch of keys out of his pocket and handed them to her, "I and your mother moved to a new place, but your grandmother lived there until the end of her days. After you return to Konoha, we will be selling that house, so take whatever you want from it afterwards." Kizashi seemed older than he was in that light, "I'll be going now. I still have a few things to do about the funeral. I'll see you tomorrow."
He nodded, and Sakura's heart ached. She had endured the silence and this lack of empathy and affection from her father all this time, thinking that maybe it was due to the fact of her grandmother's death and the difficult situation, but it was too much. She had only just returned to the place where she was born, and her father was so simply going to go his way, leaving her again.
"Dad..." she said uncertainly and quietly, though it wasn't meant to sound that way.
Sakura wasn't the least bit sure of the reaction it might provoke. Kizashi stopped and looked at her, then walked over to her and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, as was his habit when Sakura was five.
"I'll come by tomorrow and we'll talk."
If someone had told Sakura at that moment that her heart could not literally fly out of her chest, she would not have believed it. Kizashi squeezed her shoulder and then pulled away, with a promise hanging in the air.
After a moment, her father's warmth was replaced by a new, warmer one. Sasuke smiled at her in his own special way.
"I told you everything would be fine eventually."
"Mhm, let's hope this good fortune lasts to the end." she groaned.
She turned around, escaping Sasuke's grasp and started walking towards the place where all her memories, experiences, traumas and good moments were deeply buried. The house that was her foundation in life. It was where she grew up and matured. To these four crumbling walls that she returned in dreams and nightmares.
All the while, she could hear his footsteps behind her. Sasuke moved silently, not disturbing her thoughts or personal space. Sakura walked ahead, watching the village curiously. A few people were standing in front of their houses and sweeping the sand that had been carried onto the steps, others were preparing for work, and others were picking vegetables and fruits planted in the gardens. Life in this place was so peaceful and poor. Sakura had already forgotten how many childhood and teenage days she had spent helping her parents earn meager pennies to feed them for a few days.
What was the past continued to be the future. She didn't think she would ever have to return to her family home and stay there for a while, with her husband by her side. A man who had given her a comfortable life.
They walked past the building where an elderly woman, whom Sakura knew very well, used to live. The walls still looked the same, as probably did the middle, but this time there was someone else there. That woman was no longer there. Sakura shuddered all the way at the mention of her.
She slowed her pace a little, waiting for Sasuke to match with her step. She didn't want to leave him behind. He had come here with her to support her, so she was going to show her good side.
Once she had him beside her, she tentatively reached out her hand to him and grasped his little finger. Sasuke let her hold it that way, knowing that she was the one who needed to take the initiative now, and he didn't want to ruin anything between them.
They walked with each other step by step, absorbing that beautiful silence that expressed more words than normal sentences. Their feelings were silent; they were surrounded by them, and they felt them all around them. That much was enough for them.
At the next bend in the distance, Sakura was able to spot her old house. It stood out more from the others, as her parents had not rebuilt it to any extent after receiving the money. From what she learned from her father, her parents preferred to buy a new place to live.
Sakura noticed a crumbling roof with a hole in the left side, windows covered with old curtains made of rags and an overgrown garden where no one had sat for a good three years. It was hard to look at this picture. Memories tried to come to the surface and swallow her whole. Sakura had to watch herself and her mind.
A breeze of hot air swept over her face.
"Sakura!"
A warm, pleasant and perfectly familiar female voice reached her ears. Sakura looked back involuntarily. She searched for her face among all the people roaming around the village. And finally she spotted her. Temari waved at her briskly, approaching her quickly. Sakura let go of Sasuke and ran to her friend.
They fell into each other's arms. Temari's strong arms wrapped around Sakura, and she felt at home for the first time since setting foot in this place.
"Temari... Oh, how I've missed you."
She tightened her hands on her friend's shirt, bringing her face closer to her neck.
"I missed you so much more. It was so boring here without you. I'm so glad you came back for a while." She pushed Sakura away from her, looking closely at her face. Temari could see a twinkle in her eye and a maturity in her facial features that hadn't been here before "I don't even know where to start. So much has changed since you left. Gaara, for example, started dating someone, but he won't tell me who it is yet, and Kankuro changed jobs and started going on diplomatic missions and..." her sonorous voice played in Sakura's mind. Temari talked about her herbs and how she was doing well, also thanks to Sakura, "Ah that's right! I'm so sorry for the reason you had to come here."
"As well, I would have preferred a better reason. But it's still two weeks to make up for lost time." she held Temari's hands in hers "I have a bit of a story to tell you."
"Yeah, yeah. I learned most of this stuff from the letters anyway, I assume, but I won't complain about your company and chatter. My brothers have missed you a lot too, Kankuro especially." she winked at Sakura, "Well you probably remember the way he..."
"Temari!" she interrupted before her friend had a chance to say a tad too much "We'll talk about some things later, okay? Now..."
A cough interrupted Sakura's conversation. They both turned their gaze to the man, who had been standing quietly behind them all this time, watching their interaction.
When Temari's eyes caught Sasuke's, she approached him suspiciously, looked at his face and whispered to Sakura:
"Is that him?"
Sakura nodded in confirmation.
"Well, well, from the face even quite handsome. But I remember everything you wrote." She looked at her meaningfully, then walked over to Sasuke and extended her hand to him, "Nice to meet you, Uchiha."
They shook hands. Sakura noticed that Temari did it a little too firmly. Sasuke gently, so as not to arouse suspicion that the woman's grip had hurt him, let go of her hand.
"Aa, you too." His lips tightened into a narrow line. Temari looked at him hardly, not taking her green eyes off his black ones for a moment "If you allow, we will be going. We have come a long way and are very tired."
"I think Sakura..."
"I really am tired, Temari." she interjected quickly. She put her arm around her friend once more, holding her a little longer "I'll see you in two days?"
"Of course." Temari kissed Sakura on the cheek "Take care!"
They waved goodbye to each other. Sakura turned to Sasuke with a smile, happily taking him at the elbow. Meeting Temari was the best thing that had happened to her today. She had missed her friend so much, she hadn't even realized how her heart needed this woman.
"Who was that?"
She looked up at him, unable to believe the question.
"Really? I must have told you about her at some point, after all." She waited for Sasuke to remember, but he just stared "Do you remember picking herbs?" he nodded "It was for her."
"Aa. Now I know."
"It took you a while." she chuckled sarcastically.
"Hm. And who is this whole Kankuro thing, and what's up with him?"
Sakura bit her lip. She'd thought Sasuke hadn't heard well what Terami had said earlier or he'd leave the matter for later (or not come back to it at all), but he was already like that, he liked to know everything.
"It's an old story. Kankuro had strong feelings for me for a while." She said softly "I assume he's already found someone else."
"You said you didn't have anyone before me." he said, and Sakura sensed a hint of jealousy in his words.
She decided to have a little fun.
"When I said that, we still had a pretty tumultuous relationship and I didn't want you to know too much, so..." she glanced surreptitiously at her husband, and when she noticed the hard look and felt her muscles tense, she laughed "I'm kidding."
"That wasn't funny." he turned his head away in embarrassment at his behavior.
Sakura tugged on his sleeve to get his attention back to her.
"There, there. You don't have to be jealous. I was telling the truth at the time. His feelings for me were never reciprocated.. You have nothing to worry about. Even more so now." She assured, "You're safe."
Sasuke muttered in response. Sakura wanted to say something else, but they had just reached the end of their road. They stood in front of a crumbling house. With her last strength, she pulled out the key and inserted it into the lock. If she could, she would turn around and not look back, leaving this place far behind her; in the past. But that was exactly why she had come here too - to face the old days. She turned the lock and opened the door. The musty smell even gushed into their faces.
Taking the first step, Sakura felt her stomach curl into a ball of nerves. At the beginning of their marriage, she had wanted Sasuke to understand how she had lived and what had formed her, but now, the moment she walked in here with him, all she wanted was to lead him to another, better place. She was ashamed of that. And she was ashamed of being ashamed. She knew Sasuke wouldn't judge her, but that fear of the unknown was killing her from the inside.
She opened the door wider, inviting him in. The first thing that caught her eye upon entering was the small living room and kitchen. An old sofa stood in the middle of the room, and in front of it was a fireplace. To the left stood a four-seater table. Further on was the entrance to the kitchen, which had three worktops, a fridge and a sink connected to a shelf for liquids. Everything was dirty and dusty. Since her grandmother had died, no one had taken any interest in the place.
"I'm sorry about the mess and the look, no..."
"Sakura, Sakura," he interjected at her words, stepping closer and embracing her head gently, "don't apologize to me for such things." He let her go, depositing her luggage on the couch "So? Shall we eat something?"
"Umm..." she walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge; as she might have expected, it was empty "We'll have to go to the shop later if we want something to eat. For now, we'll finish what we have left over from the trip."
"Aa, I'm too tired to go anywhere right now."
Sasuke opened his bag and pulled out two meals from it. He handed one to Sakura along with the chopsticks. They sat down across from each other and began to eat. They were so tired that they hadn't spoken a single word to each other all this time. Sakura wouldn't even hear anything.
After finishing her meal, she went and threw the leftovers in the bin. Slowly, she began to barely stand on her feet. So many hours on the road had exhausted her completely. Sakura was not suited to such conditions. She was just an ordinary civilian.
"If it's not a problem, I'd like to go and get cleaned up."
Sasuke appeared before her in the doorway leading to the kitchen.
"Oh, sure." She showed him to follow her "I don't have a bathtub, just a shower and the hot water doesn't always run, but that should be enough. I hope so."
"As long as there's any water to wash the sweat off me, you've got nothing to worry about." he joked. Sakura, however, didn't smile at that and Sasuke noticed it, "Sorry. No matter what, you wouldn't have anything to worry about. It was stupid."
"It's okay."
They entered the bathroom and to their eyes appeared a shower stall without a single door to close and prevent water from leaking onto the floor, a plain sink and a toilet without a flapper. Sakura pulled a clean, surprisingly, towel from the shelf hanging over the sink and handed it to Sasuke. She showed him how to unscrew and set up the shower, then left him alone.
In the next room, which used to belong to her but now only had a mattress in the middle and nothing else, she looked for clean bedding, and when she found what she was looking for she went to the living room and prepared the couch for Sasuke. She didn't unfold it, as she assumed she wouldn't fold it up again later, so she left it as it was. She was going to sleep on that mattress in the room. Sasuke could use some peace and comfort, and with her on the sofa, he wouldn't have room.
"Sakura!"
A muffled shout from behind the bathroom door reached her ears.
"Yes?"
She walked quickly to the door, listening in.
"Something's broken. Will you come in?"
"Uh, and you're...?" she blushed.
Sakura had seen Sasuke naked, it was hard to deny that, but seeing him again, after such a long time and under such circumstances...
"Yes. Come in."
She pulled the handle slowly and stepped inside. Sasuke stood in front of the cabin, with a towel wrapped around his hips.
"What specifically happened?"
"First the water started to run less, and then it stopped completely." He pointed to his hair "I'd like to at least wash off the shampoo."
"Sure. I'm already looking."
Stepping into the cubicle, she got her feet wet. She began to look at the shower pipe, then the handset, and finally the temperature-changing swivel. Nowhere was she able to find an impairment or problem. Exasperated, she hit the shower and suddenly, quite unexpectedly, water flew onto her face and top.
The white material got wet, sticking to her body. Sakura didn't even bother to look down; Sasuke's gaze on her breasts spoke for itself. She turned her back to him, unable to control the burning sensation on her cheeks.
"It's working." She muttered.
"It was impossible not to notice."
The red began to stretch further and further down, staining her neck and cleavage with its color. Her heart didn't stop beating, in fact it sped up its revolutions. Sakura muttered a quiet - yes, yes - under her breath and turned away as quickly as possible from Sasuke's watchful eye. She couldn't look him straight in the face, not in this state.
"Now that it's working, you can finish washing up." She broke the thick silence that surrounded them and pulled her towards him.
It was becoming hard for her to breathe. Sakura really wanted to move away, but not because of her some distaste for Sasuke or anything like that, oh no, she wanted this because she didn't know what she was ultimately capable of, and she couldn't cross the boundary she had set for herself. As long as they were here, they had to behave normally. This was supposed to be a break from previous events.
"Then, are you going to leave? Or do you want to wash up together and are you waiting for an invitation?"
Sakura looked over her shoulder momentarily, looking at him in horror. Was Sasuke serious? Was his proposal genuine? Why was she even thinking about it? After all, she'd just set the rules in her head a second ago...
Sasuke must have sensed that she was asking herself questions in her head, because a smile appeared on his lips. He nudged Sakura gently on the shoulder with his elbow, and when she saw his expression, she already understood.
"Stop saying things like that!" she outraged, probably more at herself than him, "You can't suggest things like that to me. It's... inappropriate."
"We are married." He leaned over her ear "And we've seen each other naked, Sakura. In various positions. Quite interesting, you might say. So, I don't know where your shyness comes from. I'm just offering you a shower. Nothing sexual."
His warm breath brushed her skin. Sakura needed space.
"I'm leaving!" she announced too loudly and accidentally slammed the door.
In the living room she breathed a sigh of relief. It was already close. If only she had stayed there a second longer, she would have brought his head closer to hers, embracing his neck and connecting her lips with his. And she didn't want that, not now. Then the situation would have turned out differently. And it shouldn't.
Sakura picked up her backpack and walked with it to her room. She laid out her clothes on the mattress, trying to pull out a clean shirt. When she finally found what she was looking for, she packed her things back inside. She put her rucksack in the corner, took off her wet top along with her bra and put on a new one.
The sound of the water was still audible, so Sakura lay down, waiting for Sasuke to finish. She closed her eyes, just for a second, or at least she thought she did, because after a moment she was falling into a dark abyss, full of various dreams and nightmares.
Lukewarm water ran down his arms. Sasuke stuck his head under the stream, washing off the shampoo completely. Foam slowly ran down his body. He followed its path with his eyes, watching it form under his feet and barely flow through the stream.
This place was full of pain; Sasuke could feel it in every corner of the room. There was suffering emanating from Sakura at every turn. She thought it couldn't be seen; that she could hide the sadness that came out even with her breathing, but he saw the changes. Her eyes betrayed everything. The sparks that shone in her even in the darkness had gone out completely when she took her first step into this house. And Sasuke couldn't bear the thought that she might have felt similar emotions to his feelings. He knew that emptiness - all too well. That bitterness and despair engulfing over the body and never leaving it. That soul-crushing anger. That grief flooding the heart.
Sasuke had lived in this state for several years, and until now, he had not been able to pull himself together. That's why he decided that he wouldn't let this demon, lurking in the deepest recesses of the mind, come to the surface and take over Sakura's mind. If he has to make an idiot of himself, just to make her laugh and forget her pain, he will do so with great willingness.
A cold stream of water unexpectedly flooded his head. Sasuke shook himself off and momentarily turned off the shower. He took a towel and wiped himself with it, then put on fresh trousers and a blouse. On his way out of the bathroom, he turned off the light and a breath of cool air hit him in the face. It was quite warm outside, but here, in these four walls that had not been renovated for at least twenty years, he felt this inexplicable chill.
Walking into the living room, he saw the sofa bedded. Nowhere to be seen was Sakura.
"Sakura?" he waited for an answer, but it didn't come "Sakura—"
Sasuke quieted when he saw the door open. He shuffled over there, and a sleeping woman appeared to his eyes. She was lying on her back on a tattered mattress, not covered by anything. Her hair was scattered to all sides, forming a halo. Sasuke stared at her face from afar, but, unable to see her every wrinkle, freckle and mole, he stepped closer and crouched right in front of her.
Calmness enveloped her entire figure. In this magnificence, Sakura seemed so delicate and fragile. As if nothing had ever broken her.
Gently, so as not to wake her, Sasuke slid his hands under her back and legs. He lifted her up, and Sakura moved closer to his chest. The warmth of her body warmed him. He carried her into the living room and laid her on the couch. He didn't have the heart to leave her in that room.
There were dry tree trunks beside the fireplace. Sasuke put them in and set them on fire. The fire lit up the room with its orange color. It became more pleasant.
Sasuke covered Sakura with the blanket and turned to leave. But before he could take even one step, he felt a hand grab his wrist. He looked behind him.
"No, don't go." Sakura propped herself up with her elbow and rubbed her tired eyes, "You're the one who was supposed to sleep here."
"Sleep." He just said.
"No." She rose "Stay."
She looked up at him, asking mutely for him to carry out her request. Sasuke didn't even have to think about it. He lay down next to Sakura, and as she watched his movements, he pulled her close. Tentatively, rather uncertainly, she laid her head on his torso. Their hearts evened out their rhythm. They beat at the same time.
A breath of cold wind woke her up. Sakura opened her eyes lazily, and the first thing she noticed was the charred wood in the fireplace. Then only did she notice an arm hanging from the couch and felt another arm encircling her around her waist. As if in a dream, she remembered yesterday's events. The only things in her memory were the immense tiredness, the hard mattress and... how she had asked Sasuke to stay.
Sakura pulled herself upright. The man's sleeping face was turned towards her. He was breathing through a slightly averted mouth. His chest was rising slowly and regularly. She watched him for another minute. He was so beautiful.
Lifting herself up, she tried to leave him to continue sleeping without waking him. She almost succeeded. Almost, because Sasuke embraced her tighter and pressed her close.
"Don't wriggle like that. Five more minutes." He muttered into her hair.
Sakura gave in, snuggling tighter into him. She didn't need much to be happy at this point. Sasuke had been right before - there was nothing sexual here, and there wouldn't be. Their closeness was already natural. Sakura liked it and felt safe in his arms.
They lay like that for ten minutes more, absorbing each other's presence. Unfortunately, Sakura had to stop it.
"I wish I could stay here like this for the rest of the day, but my father will probably be here soon." She hovered over him, resting her hands on either side of the couch "Therefore, I'm sorry, Sasuke, but we need to get ready."
He muttered something in response with displeasure, but eventually let her go. Sakura smiled under her breath at his small displeasure.
Reaching the bathroom, she brushed her face and teeth, changed into fresh clothes and put on delicate make-up. She stepped out, and Sasuke walked in behind her. Barely had the door closed behind him, and already a knock sounded. Sakura almost jumped up. She wasn't expecting her father so early.
Wasting no time, however, she walked to the door and opened it. To her surprise, her father wasn't the only one standing on the other side.
"Mum." she said breathlessly.
"Oh, hello, darling." Mebuki smiled radiantly, as was her habit, "It's been so long since I've seen you. Sorry it took so long." She kissed Sakura on both cheeks "Jeez, how you've grown! You look beautiful."
Sakura nodded, not quite sure how to proceed. She had hoped to finally meet her mother, but she didn't think it would happen today. She was preparing more for the funeral, where Mebuki would be for sure.
And today seemed inappropriate to her. She possessed a bad feeling.
"Thank you, mother."
"Can we come in?"
Mebuki leaned out, looking over Sakura's shoulder as if she expected to see no telling what was there.
"Of course. Here." She stepped back, letting her parents pass. Mebuki and Kizashi stepped inside, looking at the space. Sakura felt a weight hanging over her, "Sorry about the mess. I've found that I'm not going to clean up." She explained, closing the door.
"Ah, don't worry about it." Mebuki waved her hand at that. She took off her shoes, still smiling too broadly for her standards "This house will go to someone else after you leave anyway."
"Have you got a buyer yet?"
"Yes. There's a man who has family in this village and he wanted to build himself a cottage for the summer."
The gentleness with which she said this disgusted Sakura. She sounded as if Sakura had not been born in this house at all, had not grown up in it, had not experienced her first love dilemmas or made her first friendships.
Sakura may have disliked the place for its dark side, but she continued to hold a sentimental attachment to it. Her mother, above all, should understand this.
"So, he's going to demolish this one."
"Yes, there's no other option. This house is already practically a ruin anyway. I guess you don't have a problem with that, do you, dear? After all, you didn't like this place." She curved her lips downwards.
"No, I don't." she lied.
"That's good." The joy on her face returned "But enough talk about this place. It's been so long since I've seen you! How long has it been? A year and a half, more? Let me enjoy the sight of you."
Sticky hands touched Sakura's cheeks. Mebuki stood watching her from all sides. Something about the gesture was strange, unnatural. Sakura seemed to have forgotten what it was like to enjoy her mother's presence. Not after everything she'd been through.
"Hello, Sasuke." Kizashi's warm voice rang through the house for the first time.
Sakura's mother let go of her, as if on cue, and clapped her hands upon seeing the man enter. Sasuke's eyes lingered on her parents' faces for a second, as he quickly captured her with his gaze.
"It's nice to see you."
"Sasuke!" Mebuki's voice echoed in everyone's ears "Have you always been so handsome?" Sakura slipped past her mother, standing next to her husband "You two look beautiful together. Tell me, how are you doing?"
"Everything is as fine as can be. Sasuke and I are enjoying our peaceful lives." she explained briefly, not wanting to lift an ounce of mystery.
"That's wonderful. Come, let's sit down. I've brought a cake. And how is your marriage going?"
"Better than we thought it would be."
Mebuki spread the cake on the table. Sakura brought plates and forks into the living room, pre-washed with water, and placed them in front of everyone. She finally sat down at the table.
"Yes? That makes us very happy, doesn't it, Kizashi?"
"No different. A happy marriage is a happy life."
Mebuki confirmed her husband's words, and with that, began a virtually endless conversation about how they met. Sakura heard it for probably the hundredth time, with exactly the same responses from her mother that she was now giving.
At some point, it was starting to get annoying. Not once did her father start the topic she was hoping for. All she wanted was an explanation; to find out why they never visited her in Konoha. What was it that had kept them from seeing their only daughter at least once in all these agonizing months?
Sakura waited for either of her parents to look at her and understand what was on her mind. But with them, it seemed impossible. They had always known practically nothing about her. They were her parents - just parents.
"I've missed you, Mom." she finally said firmly, interjecting mid-sentence of her mother.
Silence fell. Mebuki and Kizashi looked at each other, gesturing to each other. Sakura was slowly becoming irritated. Sasuke sensed her attitude. He put his hand on her knee.
"I know, dear, I know." said her mother, "If only we could find some time, we would visit you. We really tried."
"As I told you before, darling, your grandmother was ill constantly." added her father "Otherwise we wouldn't have even left Konoha."
"Mhm..."
Sasuke squeezed her thigh tighter. Sakura swallowed her saliva with difficulty, fighting the urge to get up and leave them here. Only Sasuke kept her emotions in check.
"Oh, don't be offended. We didn't do it on purpose, after all."
"So, now that things have changed a bit, after I return to Konoha will you be visiting me?"
She knew she had cornered them with that.
"Yeah, sure, we just don't know when we'll drop by for the first time." Mebuki scrunched up her eyebrows "You see, your dad and I have decided that we are going to go on the holiday of a lifetime. Something we could never provide for ourselves because first we didn't have enough money and then you and... yeah, yeah, let's cut to the chase. We just saved up and we're going on a trip around the world."
So that's what it was all about. She understood everything now. She was giving back to her parents clearly what they deserved; she was giving back to them what she had taken from them with her arrival in this world - freedom.
"A. Okay. I hope you have a good time," she said.
"Mm, thank you." her mother glanced theatrically at the clock "Ah, how many hours have already passed. It's time for us to go."
They stood up and said their goodbyes. At the time, Sakura didn't think it would be the last time she would hug her parents.
"Bye mum, bye dad."
She closed the door, and pain followed. She felt it with her whole body, although on the outside, to other people it was not visible. It was crushing her from the inside.
"You don't look happy." Sasuke appeared beside her.
She looked at him, looking out for something akin to understanding, and when she finally saw it in his eyes, she smiled bitterly.
"I don't think I've ever been happy with them."
On the couch in front of Sakura lay a black, long strapless gown and an equally dark, very thin cloak to cover her exposed shoulders. She stared at them, immersed in her own thoughts. This was already that day. The day she was to bury her grandmother and thus sever the last thread connecting her parents to this place. Throughout yesterday afternoon, she had pondered her mother's words and what she had learned.
Sakura wanted her parents to be happy, after all, she wasn't a despicable person and if the journey, the separation from this village would do them good, then she was happy, but the way they said it and the words they used hurt her heart, until now.
For a moment she even thought she had overreacted and should go and talk to them again, but then Sasuke appeared and said - "Never let yourself think that the emotions you are feeling at any given time are wrong and shouldn't be that way. You have every right to be angry and sad." - so Sakura quickly put those thoughts aside.
During the night, she wriggled in all directions, strutting and throwing off the duvet, unable to stop; such were her emotions. Sasuke tried to keep her still, but it wasn't going very well. Neither of them had slept.
And they were feeling the consequences of that today. Sakura could barely keep her eyelids open, her legs almost buckling under her, her head was spinning. She stared and stared at that dress for so long, with such concentration, that she didn't notice when Sasuke shuffled over and stood beside her. It was only the warm hand on her back that made her realize someone was here.
Sakura almost jumped at the unexpected touch.
"You're a bit nervous today." Sasuke commented, pulling away from her and handing her clothes.
"Maybe." She took the dress from him "It's my grandmother's funeral soon, I think I have a right to be."
"I'm not saying you don't. But, is there something going on?" he leaned over her "You can tell me everything."
"I know." She touched his shoulder gently "There's nothing to worry about. Still the same as last time."
"Aa." He walked around her, heading for the room where they had left their backpacks "Go change. We have to leave in five minutes."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way."
She locked herself in the bathroom and stood in front of the washbasin. From the mirror, she looked at herself - paler than usual, with visible dark circles under her eyes and cracked lips. Sakura could not bear the sight. She reached behind the sink and picked up concealer, applying it to her purple skin. She covered it up as much as she could, already looking less tired and devastated.
She added a little more blush and smeared a soft red moisturizing lipstick over her lips. She was beginning to look tolerable. As if she wasn't on the verge of a breakdown at all yesterday. And as if her parents hadn't gotten on her nerves.
Sakura didn't want anyone to ask how she was feeling.
She took off her clothes and put the dress over her head. The black material fitted her body perfectly. She reached back to fasten the zipper all the way, but then she encountered a small problem. She couldn't reach.
She tried a few times to bend over so that she could grab the damn zipper, but each time she lost her little battle.
"Sasuke!" she shouted, giving up.
She opened the door and stuck her head out through it, holding the front of her dress with her hand so it wouldn't accidentally slip off.
"Yes?"
Her husband emerged from the room, already dressed in black trousers and shirt. He was just rolling his sleeves up when Sakura spotted him. How beautiful he looked, how classy he moved, how deeply he looked at her...
"Yes?" he repeated the question once more, snapping Sakura out of her trance.
The woman blushed and turned away immediately.
"Will you help me zip up?"
"Hn, sure."
Sasuke walked over to her and placed one hand on her back while the other caught the zipper. His touch sent shivers along Sakura's spine. She felt him with redoubled force. Sasuke moved the zipper slowly upwards, all the while, probably unconsciously tickling her in the process. His little finger stroked her exposed skin, his breath bouncing against the nape of her neck. Sakura thought it took him ages to zip up that dress.
"There."
Sakura felt the warmth pushing away.
"Thank you."
Their eyes made contact. Small sparks danced in the air. The atmosphere became thick and unequivocal. Sakura could hear their hearts beating. Hers was fast and his was slow and firm. She swallowed her saliva. She couldn't respond to him in any other way. Sasuke was raising her blood pressure in that good way.
Sakura took a step closer, lifted her head, secretly hoping that maybe this was the moment, this was the time when she would get that one little thing she had been wanting so badly for some time. She prepared out, deliberately dragging one look to his lips.
Then Sasuke turned his head to the side and, completely unexpectedly, put a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"If you get weak or sad or anything else happens, I'll be right next to you. Let me know then, I'll help you." he said, putting his hand on her shoulder "Now let's go. We don't want to be late."
For the first few seconds, Sakura stood in shock. His words surrounded her, penetrating her own bell jar and slowly opening it. Negative emotions were pushed aside by him. Sakura couldn't have dreamed of a better husband. His support was better than a kiss.
"Mhm, let's go."
She threw her cloak over her shoulders, grabbed Sasuke's hand and they left. The streets were practically empty. Only in some places did Sakura notice a few children playing together. They were all wearing tattered clothes, and their toys were a good twenty years old. Here, nothing had changed. She herself only owned a worn-out ball as a child, which had to be pumped twice a day.
They set off towards the cemetery with a rather subdued step. Sakura looked at the village from every possible angle. The houses, some in better condition and some in worse, still stood in the same places. She remembered exactly who lived in which of them. Sakura knew these people inside out. Her village, the town where she grew up, was not big at all. She associated most of these people from her backyard. Even though she didn't often play with other children, apart from Temari and her brothers, she still knew them. She couldn't get some of the biting remarks about her appearance, behavior and poorness out of her head; which was extremely strange to her, as she had always thought she looked nice enough, behaved correctly, and most of the people here were poor. Therefore, Sakura was an outcast, without knowing why, until today.
They walked through the gate of the cemetery. Sakura, out of control, squeezed Sasuke's forearm tighter. The man gave her a surreptitious glance, but said nothing. They approached a group of people gathered in front of a small tombstone. In this rather large crowd (her grandmother really did have many friends) she found her parents with her eyes. They were standing in front of the grave itself.
At first Sakura wanted to approach them and stand right next to them, but she gave up, heading more towards the end of this gathering.
"Don't you want to come closer?"
"No. Let those who were more important to her go first."
"Sakura, you were her granddaughter."
"I told you what her attitude towards me was." she said it too harshly; she shouldn't take her emotions out on the blameless Sasuke. He, however, understood her "I'll come up when everyone's gone, okay?"
"As soon as that's what you want, fine."
She nodded silently to him, thankful in spirit for this man. Sasuke was such a good, understanding, loving, tender, caring person for those close to him that she regretted that he hadn't shown her this side of himself from the beginning.
They found shade under the tree. The whole ceremony did not last long. Her parents did not put up a large sum of money for the occasion. Evidently they even preferred to save money for a final farewell.
Sakura kept her eyes on the gathered people the whole time. In this crowd, she saw five close friends of her grandmother who sometimes came to talk to her and reminisce about old times, two men who had been her lovers in her youth and a couple of young adults whom she had taken care of when they were children. There were also two people who appeared to work in the small café where her grandmother often sat. And there would be nothing wrong with that, if they weren't the people who had stalked Sakura in her youth.
Moving further back, she bumped her back against a tree. As she walked here, she didn't think it would overwhelm her like this. The fake smiles and tears, the forced conversations and comforting embraces. The kind words describing the deceased and the falsehood behind them.
"It's coming to an end now. Your parents are leaving." Sasuke informed her, seeing that she had stopped paying attention to what was happening in front of her.
She glanced at her parents' backs. Her first reaction was to approach, and most because of such an occasion, but they didn't turn around once, didn't search her eyes, didn't care if she was here or not.
The hell with them.
"Sakura?" a male voice reached her from the side "My god, Sakura! Jesus, how I haven't seen you in a long time!"
Kankuro grabbed her into his embrace. Sakura reacted with a momentary delay, but when she realized who was hugging her, she immediately embraced him around the neck. His familiar scent reminded her of home.
Finally, Kankuro pulled away, but did not remove his arms from her shoulders.
"I knew you'd be here, but when I noticed you... I can't believe it. I've missed... I've missed you so much."
She noticed the tears in his eyes.
"C'mon, don't be so emotional, little brother."
Temari joined them.
"I have every right to be. Because of her leaving, I only felt—"
"She came with her husband." interjected Temari.
Kankuro took his hands off Sakura.
"Husband. Yes, I had forgotten about that." he laughed "It wasn't that long ago that she was wondering if she'd ever marry someone, and now she's coming home with her husband." he glanced at Temari.
His sister made a strange gesture to him, which dimmed the boy's enthusiasm a little.
"Meet Sasuke." She pulled him closer "Sasuke and this is Kankuro. I told you about him last time."
"You did."
Sasuke held out his hand towards Kankuro. The two of them measured each other with their eyes, and the air seemed to become thick around them. Sakura didn't like that. Temari must have sensed this change too.
"How about we meet at our bar tonight, eh Sakura?"
"Sure, that would be best."
"Then we're set." Temari walked over to her brother and nudged him with her elbow "Kankuro?"
He murmured, then shook Sasuke's hand.
A dim light greeted them at the entrance. They walked up to the bar and took their usual seats. Sakura felt safer here than she had in the bar in Konoha, but even so, before leaving she asked Sasuke to pick her up around midnight. She couldn't be sure that whoever was following her hadn't followed her all the way here.
"What's for you guys?" the bartender approached them with a broad smile.
"Three beers."
They sat down, and after a moment mugs of the drink appeared in front of them. Sakura smiled at the sight. She rarely drank, and when she did she always opted for more flavorsome spirits, but the sight of the liquor delighted her now. She knew perfectly well how it affected her.
She dipped her mouth into the foam and took a large sip. The bitter taste flowed down her throat, and she didn't care. She continued drinking until Temari's voice interrupted her consumption of beer.
"To Sakura's return!" she raised her mug.
Kankuro joined her.
"Why are we only celebrating because of me?" she smiled "It should read - To the return of the three of us! That's better."
They tapped and drank. Sakura drank halfway through. Today she knew no moderation.
"And it would be best if Gaara was here, he misses you incredibly too." admonished Temari.
"I'd also like to see him before my return."
The thought of her third friend filled her with joy and sadness. If it wasn't for the sudden departure due to work, as Temari had explained to her earlier, he would be here today. And now there was no telling if she would have time to see him yet.
"Are you coming back soon?" asked Kankuro.
"In a week. That's what Sasuke and I agreed. We have to go home after that. We each have our responsibilities."
"It's strange to hear you speak of Konoha as home. It used to be here."
She finished her beer, ordering another.
"Used to be, that's the key word. But let's not dwell on it now. Tell me, how are you doing?"
"Mm, brilliant. My business is growing fast and well. People love the ointments I make and these new herbs from Konoha. I have so many customers. And that's thanks to you too, Sakura!"
She blushed. She hadn't heard such words in a long time.
"Let's not exaggerate like that. It was just a small gesture."
"Yes, yes, don't belittle yourself." Temari pinched her cheek in a friendly manner "Oh, that's right, how about my scar ointment?"
Sakura had completely forgotten about that. The emotions surrounding her that day had erased such a minor detail.
"I haven't checked the results yet. Good thing you reminded me, I'll do it as soon as possible."
As soon as Sasuke had no problem with it; she didn't want to accidentally cross his boundary.
"I'll be waiting."
"How about you, Kankuro? How's work? Do you have someone maybe?"
"Do I have someone? Ha, funny." he shook his head, still smiling 'But I'm doing better at work…"
And with that, they began a long chat. Sakura, meanwhile, had ordered two more beers and then drank vodka and juice with Temari. She was drowning her sorrows in alcohol and after only an hour she was already feeling the effects of it.
"And remember when we toured that abandoned house over there because we thought it was haunted?" she said rather loudly, slapping her hand gently on the tabletop with a laugh.
Hours were pouring through her fingers. She couldn't remember what her friends had just said to her. Her gaze fled from one person to another. Figures spun in circles. Everything seemed laughable.
Sakura was immensely happy. Nothing limited her - no sadness, anger or grief. This was how she wanted to feel always.
And she wanted to have Sasuke by her side.
She got up from her chair on impulse. The only thing she hadn't anticipated was that it would spin her around quite a bit. Kankuro caught her at the last moment.
"Oho, I guess that's a sign that it's time for us to go." Sakura felt his hand on hers and his breath bouncing against her ear; he was too close.
What would Sasuke think if he found them like this now? No, she couldn't let him see them like this.
She wanted to put her hand up, but her body wouldn't listen to her.
"I'll just go to the bathroom." she heard Temari's voice somewhere in the distance "Watch her."
Sakura was falling asleep standing up.
Sasuke approached the bar. Through the glass windows, everything could be seen on the other side, so his attention did not escape the sight of Kankuro with Sakura. The boy kept his hand on her waist and drew her closer. Her back was practically touching his chest.
Sasuke wasn't a jealous person usually, but this sight, and the way this boy had looked at his wife earlier, stirred something in him. Without thinking any longer, he walked inside and immediately approached them.
Kankuro quickly spotted him.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to get my wife." he explained calmly, although he was boiling inside.
The boy's lips curved into an angry grimace.
"Well, yes. You want to take her away again?" he was angry "You already did that to us once. I'm doing great on my own, I don't need your help."
"Sakura asked me to pick her up." he was slowly losing patience.
"Look, and I'm telling you that I'm going to take her home myself."
Kankuro didn't relent. He pulled Sakura closer to him, not letting her go for a moment. Sakura, for her part, did not respond to anything. Sasuke sensed that she was drunk. This wasn't like her.
"I don't want to get in trouble with my wife's friends, but if you don't let her go right away, we'll talk differently."
"Don't call her your wife."
"When it's true." He pulled down his eyebrows.
"Shut up!" Kankuro squeezed Sakura too hard, making her wince; this was too much "You know what, I don't like you. If it wasn't for you, Sakura would have come back here, to her home, and stayed with us - her friends who she feels most comfortable with. But of course you had to show up and ruin everything. Who do you think makes her so unhappy?"
Sasuke pushed him away forcibly, holding Sakura in place so she wouldn't fall.
"Kankuro, don't say that." she whined.
"How can, Sakura, not say it when you say it yourself?"
"What are you talking about! It's not—"
"We're going home, Sakura."
They won't talk about certain things and today's event until tomorrow morning when Sakura gets back to her senses, he decided.
"You don't believe him, Sasuke, do you?" he could sense the stress in the note of her voice, "Sasuke…"
He threw her over his shoulder and walked out of the bar, leaving an angry Kankuro behind.
welcome after a long break
hope you enjoyed it!
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