Warning: Brief mention of child assault and abuse.

Part 1: The Fall

Chapter 2

Sunday, March 7th, 1982

Sara laid on the balcony, book in hand, as she read the first line of Moby Dick. "Call me Ishmael." She smiled as she was reminded of her friend. He'd written nearly the same exact words to her upon their first meeting. She still had the note in her journal, it bookmarked the day. He'd written: 'Call me Gil.'

Had he read Moby Dick? She wouldn't be surprised, Gil read all the time too. Her left leg dangled over her right knee as she tucked her arm under her head, using it as a pillow. The edge of the roof blocked the morning sun as she read. Through the open sliding door, she heard her mom muttering to herself as she smoked a cigarette and paced over the floor. She was used to it by now, though at times her mom still scared her, she tried not to let it show. She had to be strong for her mom, reliant.

A knock at the door startled her as she placed the book on the balcony. It was her dad! He was finally back. Racing through the motel room, she got to the door before her mom. Her smile was big and wide as she opened the door, yelling, "Dad, finally—"

Her words were cut off as she saw a man in the doorway. He wasn't her father. The man was tall, with wavy brown hair and at his side was a little girl. She was her age. "Hello."

He smiled. "Hello, sweetie, is your mother here?"

Tentatively looking back at her mom, she saw her standing in the middle of the room with the cigarette in hand.

"Sara, who's at the door?" she asked as she walked over and moved her out of the way.

As the grownups talked, she asked the girl, "You live here too?"

The girl with blue eyes nodded.

"You like books?! I got Moby Dick at the library."

"Sara," her mom said. "Grab your book and go outside for a while."

"Why?" she questioned her mom, something she knew not to do.

It upset her as she yelled, "Just do as I say! Get your stuff and go outside."

Sara grabbed her book off the balcony before grabbing her book bag up off the floor. She shoved the book inside, next to her journal, and left the motel room with the girl.

The girl walked with her down to the parking lot and over to a car. "This your dad's car?"

She nodded as she opened the door and climbed inside. "Want to listen to the radio?" the girl asked. The keys were in the ignition.

"Sure," Sara said as she climbed inside to sit next to her. "What's your name? I'm Sara."

"Flower," the girl said.

Sara thought that was a funny name as she smiled. "Flower? Is your dad a hippie? My parents were hippies. I'm lucky they didn't name me that, or Sunshine, that's my nickname. My dad calls me that all the time. I bet you like being called Flower. It's your name."

"It's yours now too," Flower said.

Sara didn't know what she meant by that, so she laughed as she found a song she liked on the radio and turned it up.

As '(I Just) Died In Your Arms' blared from the speakers, she grabbed her heart sunglasses out of her book bag and got out of the car as she started dancing. Flower sat in the seat and watched. She tried to get her to join her but the girl wouldn't move.

She loved dancing. She felt so free, letting her body just go with the music. She'd seen the movie Fame ever since then, she's been dancing like her life depended on it, because it could. She was in L.A.. She could audition for a music video for MTV, or a movie, and become a big star. She could save her family, get them out of that crappy motel room and her dad wouldn't have to work all day and night anymore. Her mom could get the help she needed, and they wouldn't have to move all the time.

She could also sing. She'd been practicing along with her dancing and acting. The next child star of the 80's was her, Sara Sidle, and it all started right there in the parking lot of the La Vista Motel.

"I'm going to be a big star one day, just wait—" She was yanked off her feet and shoved into the car. Her arms hit the metal of the frame, her legs kicking as she screamed out. "Let me go! Help! Hel—"

She was pushed down into the leather seats before pain ignited her head. It hurt so bad sparks of white-hot heat filled her vision before everything went black as she was hit again.

The little girl called Flower barely moved as she watched as the man moved the girl to the backseat and shut the door. He got into the driver's seat and reversed the car out of the parking lot. Up in the motel room, Laura Sidle gargled out her last breath before succumbing to the stab wounds as her blood stained the green carpet.

Journal Entry:

I don't know where I am. I'm so scared. The bathroom door is locked and it smells bad. I don't know what to do. He told me that he was my dad now.

Where's my dad? Where's my mom?

I just want to go home. Flower won't let me do anything alone. She tried taking my book but I got it away from her. She said I won't need it now. He took her into the other room and now I'm alone.

He's playing that song again. "Spirit in the Sky." My dad likes that song but I'm starting to hate it. It won't stop.

My lips found a spot under her arm that caused a ripple effect all over her skin. Her body shook in hysterical convolutions as she laughed. The amusement was on her face, in her eyes, and I smiled as I kissed her lips. The late afternoon sun was filtering through the blue blinds as I tossed the cold set of sheets off her leg so I could rub my hand over her skin. It prickled under my palm all the way up her thigh to her hip. We were both naked and in need of a shower, but you couldn't force me out of the bed. Having a woman under the cool sheets were things that I only dreamed of.

The only thing that could get me to move my ass was the need to urinate. Nature called for the both of us as I rolled out of bed. Catherine was right behind me, hand on the small of my back as we both went into the bathroom. I gestured for her to go first but she shook her head and grabbed a toothbrush.

It felt odd at first to pee in front of her, but she didn't seem to mind. I rested my left hand on the wall as I closed my eyes, at least giving myself a sense of privacy. After having sex, the first time, we both slept a good solid six hours before waking for round two. She was very amorous, and I found that so was I. It was like once I started, I didn't want to stop, but we had to.

It was fun, but I knew it couldn't last all day. I was hungry. I also had to work tonight. I wondered if she worked and where. I had so many questions, things I wanted her to know, but my hands were currently occupied, and I had no other way else to communicate other than pen and paper.

I'd written her a poem earlier, after I'd awoken from my slumber. She'd still been asleep, so I took that time before she woke to write something for her. I wrote:

My dream, how I've been waiting for you. Beneath your skin lies my heart, beating for you as we rise and fall with each breath. Could this dream be over once we awake? Could it last until the next slumber we take, like the night that disappears with the morning sun? My heart doesn't know knives, my mind doesn't know lies, but my fingers know the magic touch that sends you gasping with tears in your eyes. Could it also know the sigh when you're sad? The tears of your sorrow? Your beauty, whether we wilt or grow, will never cease to make me wonder, to ponder. If anything, we'll share this moment, and that makes me smile. My dream, I've been waiting.

I didn't want her to wake and only think I was there for sex. Though, the sex was nice. I was there because I had a longing that I didn't want to be alone. Last night was rough. My chest clenched at the memory of it all as tears welled. I shook them away, pushed the surge of guilt and remorse back down as I finished, dropped the seat back down, and flushed. As I went to turn on the shower, she grabbed my waist and moved around my body as we switched places.

"The only man I know who puts the seat down."

I glanced at the seat and smiled at the appreciation in her eyes. My mother's influence. If I didn't put it back down, I'd be in big trouble. I turned the knob on the shower and felt the cold spray. Once it was heated, I'd take a shower and then…I had no idea. Would she want me to stay? We could have dinner.

She pointed to the door in the hallway. I opened it and found the towels. I grabbed a couple and a washcloth. If there was ever a moment to have an existential crisis, always do it under a warm spray of water. Letting a breath out, I kept my eyes closed as I felt the warmth of the spray over my face, my head and shoulders. Have you ever stood in the shower, eyes closed, and just…felt? Body tingling, hot water running over sensitive skin, slight cool breeze against the heat of the steam.

Images played through my head. Flashes of blood, bodies falling, and the deep dark ocean. I saw my father's smile as he laughed. The weight of silence was pressing down on my shoulders once again. I couldn't voice my grief. It ached so deep inside that it felt like I was going to die. It shook all the way into my soul. This morning it'd hit me so hard that I'd been desperate to get it out, for someone to listen. The sudden realization hit all over again. I was alone now. Completely alone.

I felt her hands on my shoulders. A tingling sensation followed her fingers over my back. Closing my eyes, I relished in her touch. Turning, our lips met, and I fell into her welcoming mouth once again.

She left me to towel off and change on my own as she wrapped a pink floral robe around her body, hair up in a towel, and left the bedroom. I dried and tossed the towel on the bed before pulling on my boxers. I'd change clothes once I got home. I stilled as I zipped my jeans. The thought of going home sent a wave of dread throughout my body; it made me sick. I didn't want to step foot into that house anytime soon.

Picking up my shirt, I was searching for the right side up when Catherine walked back into the room. She handed me a comb. Dropping the shirt, I took the comb. Was my hair such a mess? There was a mirror on her wall. I used it to comb my wet hair. If I didn't keep it cut short, it got really curly. It was somewhere in the middle, not too long, not too short, just right to be manageable.

I watched as she dressed through the mirror. There was no shame in this woman, and I found myself enjoying that aspect. And her ass.

She caught me watching and smiled. I finished combing my hair and walked over to her. Leaning against the closet door, I watched as she searched through the thrift store worth of clothes it held. From out of the back pocket of my jeans I pulled out a notepad. The pencil was in the front pocket.

I showed it to her. 'Dinner?'

She was holding a loose-fitting sequined blouse up to her chest as she shook her head. "I gotta get to work."

Oh. I glanced around her bedroom and felt like a fool once again. Maybe all she wanted was sex? I should've been okay with that. Who was I to date anyway?

Her hand touched my arm, getting my attention. "We can eat there. Did you drive?"

I shook my head.

"I got a car."

Once we were both dressed, we were out the door. I pulled on my leather jacket as we headed to the street. Parked almost a block down was an all-new black Toyota Celica Supra. I eyed the car as Catherine pulled out her keys. If I could whistle, I'd do that, but I never knew if I actually succeeded in making a sound when I pressed my lips together and blew.

Sliding into the black bucket seat, I marveled at the interior of the car as she started the engine. I felt the vibration in my palms as I placed them on the dashboard. I thought I finally knew what love felt like. It was the vibrating engine of a '82 Celica Supra.

"Like it?" Catherine asked when I caught her eyes. They were twinkling with amusement.

Holding up my hand, I signed, "I love you."

She only smiled as she shifted gears and headed south. The further we travelled south, my anxiety grew. I kept thinking she was going to take a left somewhere, go further east but she kept heading south, towards the South Bay, the harbors. My home.

Sweat coated my back as I wiped my face as we entered the Wilmington neighborhood of Los Angeles. My father's house was further southeast in San Pedro, but the warehouse where we worked was at the port just south of the neighborhood. This actually worked out. I could leave her work and go to the warehouse, or home, and it wouldn't be too far of a cab ride.

We were actually right across the railroad tracks from the harbor as she turned the car off B street at Figueroa and into the parking lot of a red and beige building with signs that advertised 'Topless Cabaret'. My mouth ran dry as I stared up at the long red sign in front of the building. There was a big red arrow that pointed towards the entrance right in front of my face.

Catherine got out and I did the same. She shot a look my way and said, "Shut your mouth."

I shut my mouth as I followed her inside into a red room with bright light and a stage under brighter lights. A woman was on stage. Her eyeliner was bright red, her attire black, as her movements matched the stuttering, blinking lights. Her dance moves were very erotic and nearly contorted, like her body was broken.

~"Young girls

Not so innocent…"~

Catherine pointed over her shoulder towards me while speaking to a woman working behind a glass wall. Paying customers had to pay to get in, but I was with her.

There were several customers, men, already seated at the stage watching as the barely clothed woman danced on stage to music that I could only feel in my chest. They made me feel icky as I passed by them towards the back rooms with Catherine.

~"Will give you wide eyes

Will show you knowing smiles…"~

She pushed open a door and held it for me to enter. We were in the dressing room. Several other women, in various degrees of nudity, were doing up their makeup as I stopped in the middle of the room. One of them, a red head, did a line of coke before leaving the room.

Catherine spoke something to all the women and then turned to me and smiled. "You can enjoy yourself out there or wait back here. I'll be up soon, then we can eat."

I didn't know what to do, but I wouldn't be comfortable out there with…the men. I sat in a chair and pulled out my notepad and wrote 'Here.'

"If anyone gives you trouble, tell them you're with me."

~"Young men

An air of independence…"~

I nodded then got an idea when I saw a glass jar of safety pins. I tore out a blank sheet of note paper and wrote on it. Then I pinned the note to my shirt. It read: 'My name's Gil. I'm with Catherine. Please, don't mind me. I'm deaf, but not blind.'

She laughed as she read the note. Leaning forward, she gave me a kiss before opening a locker where she placed her purse and jacket. She kept the red sequined blouse and skirt on but changed her shoes in a pair of red pumps. The same ones she wore the night before.

"You sure you don't want to watch me dance?"

I wrote, 'I've already seen you naked.'

"It's not the same."

'If you dance for me, it won't be on a stage.' She read my note before locking her eyes with mine. Her eyes sparkled and I realized because they were wet with tears. Had I said something wrong? 'Are you okay?' I asked.

Taking the notepad from me, she sat in my lap and said, "I never had a guy who never wanted to be out there, watching me strip. If you think you'll get lucky with any of them," she gestured to the other girls in the room.

~"Will take you at their leisure

They live for pleasure…"~

I shook my head and tapped the spot over her heart. No one but you, I tried to tell her. I think she understood. She closed her eyes and kissed me so deep she incited a moan. My head was spinning as she pulled out a baggie of white powder from a case at her dressing station.

Our eyes met as she asked, "Are you okay with me doing this?"

I was surprised she asked permission. From the looks of it, she's done it before. I shrugged that I didn't care even though a small part of me did. I understood how demanding her job must have been, not only physically but mentality. If she needed the rush, a stimulant to keep going, who was I to stop her? Or judge her? We all had secrets, things we did.

She did a line before getting up off my lap. With a sultry glance and wave over her shoulder, she left. Licking my lips, I watched shake her ass all the way down the hallway. Once she was gone, I removed the bag of cocaine and took a closer look at it. There was a gold twist-tie that kept the bag closed. Printed on the gold were black butterflies, an identifier of the drug's distributor.

It took her twenty minutes before she returned, and in that time, I got to know Amy and Nicole, two other strippers who worked with Catherine. They told me that she'd been stripping for only a year, having moved to Los Angeles from Las Vegas with her asshole boyfriend, Eddie. That's who 'Ah' was. She'd called him 'Ed'. I still preferred asshole, and so did everyone else.

Her father was Sam Braun. I heard the name before. My father had spoken it a few times. He was a client of ours. We sold him our product.

The moment Catherine was ready, having pulled on her jacket and grabbed her purse, we went out for dinner. She understood that I didn't want to eat anything that was made there. Plus, she deserved to eat away from the prying eyes of the men she'd danced for.

There were all kinds of places to eat around the South Bay, but I only wanted to go to one place. It was a diner called 'The Fisherman's Friend' and they had the best steak burgers in the city. I placed my order and got a beer. While we waited, she asked, "Got plans for tonight?"

/Work/ I signed before remembering that she didn't know sign language.

She wrinkled her head, thinking, and said, "Work?"

I smiled as I nodded while signing, /Yes./

"Where'd you work?"

I pointed out the window towards the port and warehouses.

She raised her eyes and said, "How come I've never seen you before last night?"

Grabbing my pencil and notepad, I told her, 'I don't go to strip clubs. That was my first, and hopefully, last time. Unless you invite me back.'

"Anytime," she said with a wink. "So, when did you learn to read lips?"

I shrugged as I thought about it. Then I answered, 'Went to school for the deaf, they taught me. I used to love watching silent movies while growing up.'

Our food arrived and I thanked the waitress, Claire, who gave me a knowing smile and returned the sign. You're welcome.

Catherine asked as she picked up her steak burger, "You date her?"

'No. She's friendly. I've been coming here for years. She knows me.' Then I sat the pencil and notepad down, picked up my big juicy steak burger and took a bite. I washed it down with the cold beer and hummed my pleasure.

~"All the young people of today…"~

Was there anything better? Beside the taste of the woman sitting across from me? Probably not.

~"Young girls

An air of mystery…"~

The white door opened. Sara held her breath as the man appeared in the doorway. He wore jeans, a flannel shirt, and glasses. Seeing past him, she spotted the room with the bed and television. The music kept playing as he stepped into the room, over to the bed where she cowered into the corner. "Don't touch me!"

"Shh," he shushed her as he put a finger up to his lips. "You don't have to yell, flower. I told you I'm here to take care of you now. Your family is gone. I told you, I'm your daddy now."

He grabbed her arm and pulled her from the bathroom as she kicked and screamed.

~"Are dreaming from their towers

They smell of flowers…"~

Flower was lying on the orange blanketed bed. Her eyes were blank, vacant, as she stared at the wall. The man, who insisted that she call 'Dad' or 'Daddy', let go of her arm. She immediately sprinted towards the wooden door. The knob was stuck, the chain was latched, and a hand slammed against it at the same time she was grabbed around the waist and lifted up in the air.

She screamed.

~"Young men

They can do anything…"~

She screamed until her throat went raw and he slapped her. He slapped her again, sending her to the floor where he tied her hands and legs. The beige carpet smelled foul, like an old cat died on it. Above her a ceiling fan spun. She felt the cool air on her face as the man grabbed her and sat her in a chair, facing the bed. The man shook Flower until she stirred and sat up beside him.

~"They are set to win

With unmatched power…"~

"I want you to watch. Watch her close, my flower. She'll show you all that you'll need to know to please me."

Then he reached out and touched Flower in a way that sent shivers of repulsion up her spine and twisted her gut.

She clenched her eyes shut and gagged, nearly getting sick as the music kept playing.

~"All the young people of today."~

TBC…

Disclaimer songs used/mentioned: "(I Just) Died in Your Arms" by Cutting Crew, "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum, and "All the Young (People of Today)" by Eurythmics.