CHAPTER 4

I remain on the cold stone floor, Snape still across the room watching me in silence.

Draco is in danger. Is this why he's not been feeling well? Is it why Narcissa seemed so upset when she told me Voldemort had been to the manor this past week? Voldemort is making Draco do something, but what? Snape has taken the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa to protect him, but why? What is so important that Snape would risk his life for Draco? And why does it bother me so much that he would do such a thing? While I'm happy someone will be helping Draco because he still means a great deal to me regardless of our disagreements, something about Snape's willingness to endanger himself for Draco makes me uneasy. Snape shouldn't have to endanger himself for Draco.

Snape walks toward me but doesn't speak. He crouches down in front of me. "Why . . . why did you . . . why did you let me see that?"

He frowns. "I didn't 'let' you see anything. I lost control. Why? What did you see?" Though he's lying and I know it, he sounds so earnest. He's probably just covering up the fact that he did let me see. His expression tells me not to answer his question.

"Nothing . . . never mind . . ."

Snape stands and offers me his help. I accept it and am reminded of the way he had taken Narcissa's hand for the Vow as he pulls me to my feet; that thought is immediately followed by confusion on why he bothered to help just then. "I believe your lessons are over for the day." With a wave of his wand, he replaces all of the potion paraphernalia to the room, and I follow him out of the basement, moving much more slowly than I would have liked.

While he goes to his armchair, I sigh loudly and start toward the kitchen. "What are you doing?" he asks me.

"I just assumed, you know, dinner."

A pleased yet surprised look crosses his face. "It's good to know that you plan to stick to our agreement, but it's unnecessary."

I stop and backtrack into the sitting room. "Why?" He waves his wand and a platter of sandwiches, as well as two glasses of what looks to be butterbeer, appears on the old, rickety table. "What? You know where to summon food from, and you were going to have me cook three meals a day throughout the entire holiday?"

"Yes," he answers flatly. "You would still be cooking had it not been for the Occlumency lessons. Learning how to hide your thoughts can leave a person's mind weary." This, at least, doesn't feel like a lie because I am indeed light-headed, and both my mind and my body are so very tired. "And I fear that you'd burn my house down."

I smile, not caring if this comment slightly offends me, because he just confessed that so long as he is teaching Occlumency, he will be summoning our meals. That feels like a win-win situation for me. All I need to do now is learn where he got this food, because on the days we don't have lessons, I can just summon it instead of trying to actually cook. I sit down on the sofa, grab a sandwich and a glass of water, and eat quickly.

When Snape has finished eating, he says, "We will continue your lessons first thing tomorrow."

"Does that mean tonight I'm free to do whatever I please?"

"You need to rest while you can. Practicing Occlumency with an exhausted mind is painful."

I nod, then head up the stairs to shower and get cleaned off before doing anything else. Not long after coming back downstairs and taking up residence on his sofa, I say, "I'll be back shortly, early enough to get some rest, but not within minutes." When he doesn't reply or try to stop me, I Disapparate.

Fred is standing at the entrance of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes when I appear in front of the door. He smiles at me through glass and throws the door open. "I thought you weren't coming by today," he says before kissing my cheek.

"Well, I wasn't. I spent most of the morning at the Burrow with your family. I had to leave after lunch—I had to take lunch to someone—"

"Like you had to take dinner?"

"Yeah, but when I got back to the manor, I was forced to stay. I just now got away. Thought I'd stop here, and if you and George hadn't gone for dinner yet, I'd go with you to make sure your mum knows I'm not dead."

"Why don't you just leave them if they like to get rid of you?"

As so many people already don't trust Snape, telling them that he's hosting me for the foreseeable future is out of the question. Should anyone learn that the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters at Malfoy Manor consented to allowing me to stay with him rather than at the manor, red flags would definitely be raised. "They want me to stay 'safe.' Going off on my own would not be considered 'safe' in their eyes."

"You won't be alone! Mum's offered for you to stay at the Burrow! She doesn't want you staying with the Malfoys. And neither do I."

"And I appreciate the offer. But they see your family as blood traitors. They'd never allow it."

"Then come stay with us," George offers, who is now behind Fred.

"Yeah, George and I can share a room until you leave for Hogwarts. We don't mind! We shared a room at the Burrow."

"I don't want to take your room from you! You two just now got your own."

"Then you can share my room with me!"

My cheeks grow warm, discomfort creeping down my spine, but I try to ignore it. "As much as I'd love to—"

"They won't allow it?"

"Yeah."

He locks the door behind me, then takes my hand in his, threading his fingers through mine. "We'll get you out of the manor eventually. No need for you to stay there for the whole break. We'll think of something."

"Merlin, I certainly hope so." I look around the shop. "Do you have any more of those Edible Dark Marks?" Fred nods to George, who thrusts his hand into a basket next to him. He brings forth three of the Edible Dark Marks and tosses them, one at a time, to Fred. "Excellent." Snape will perhaps one day appreciate my stupid joke.

I place the Sickles on the counter. Fred grins. "Everything locked up, George?"

"Of course. Now let's get going, I'm starved!" The three of us Apparate. "One day you'll explain to us how you know Apparition already, yeah?"

I grin at them. "After leaving the orphanage, I liked to sneak into places where I didn't belong and took some lessons I did not pay for." They laugh as if that's a joke, but now is not the time to continue that conversation.

Fred pulls on the door but finds it locked and resorts to banging on it with the side of his fist. "Mum! Open the door! We're hungry!" He then smiles widely and looks over at me and George. "George, take Charlotte's hand."

George grins as if in on some sort of secret, then says, "If that's okay with Charlotte, of course." Fred winks at me, and I release his hand, replacing it with George's. "You've got soft hands."

"Don't push it, mate," Fred says sternly. Then he turns back to the door and commences his loud banging once more. "Mum! Open the door! Or are you planning to let your boys starve?"

"Fred!" Mrs. Weasley yells as she opens the door. "Learn to be at least a bit patient—"

"I'm not Fred, I'm George. Seriously, woman, you call yourself our mother."

She looks at him suspiciously before her eyes land on mine and George's locked hands. "Of course. Sorry, dear."

"Only joking," Fred laughs, "I am Fred."

"Sorry, Mrs. Weasley," I say with a smile, releasing George's hand.

"I will send you all away without dinner if you're not careful!" Mrs. Weasley threatens as she steps aside for all of us to enter the Burrow.

"I'm also sorry I didn't return earlier. I wasn't allowed to leave the manor when I got there."

"It's no matter. I'm glad to know you're all right."

Mrs. Weasley walks to the kitchen with us, and while the twins and I take seats around the table, she waves her wand and presents us with the food she presumably made earlier this evening. Her food is always amazing, and while filling up my plate, I ignore the fact that I had a sandwich just a short while ago. It's just making up for those five years when I didn't have enough, right? Our meal is silent, all of us focusing solely on eating, and we're done within fifteen minutes. Only then does Mrs. Weasley take a seat across from me, next to George. "Charlotte," she says.

"Yes?" She looks upset about something, and in an instant, everything I've done in the past few days (that she would know about) begins replaying in my mind as I try frantically to find anything that would have upset her. What have I done wrong? My heartbeat quickens.

"Are you sure there's nothing we can do? I don't like you staying there with them."

The constriction in my chest eases, and I start to calm down. This again . . . I hate talking about this with people I care about. All the lying has begun to weigh on me, but telling anyone the truth of the matter would endanger Snape, which surprisingly is not something I want to do. "I don't think there is. I've thought of everything."

She nods, probably having expected this answer. "You're always welcome here if you find yourself in need of getting away."

I open my mouth but have to stop and force down the lump in my throat. "Thank you."

Snape aims his wand at me from across the large stone basement at Spinner's End. Our lessons these past two weeks have started becoming overwhelming, the only breaks being for eating, sleeping, and those occasions when Snape must go to some meeting for the Order—well, he never confirms that the meetings relate to the Order, but I am steadfast in my belief that they are. There has to be a reason Dumbledore trusts him so much, and if Snape were a member of the Order, it would explain why. Also, Sirius said something about there already being a spy with the Death Eaters—and no other Death Eater has Dumbledore's trust besides Snape—and I am absolutely positive that Snape has said something about Grimmauld Place before. Combining all these facts, it stands to reason that he is in the Order. Convincing him to admit it is another matter entirely, but he'll have to admit it eventually, right?

"Legilimens!"

I'm sitting on the grass, leaning against a small cream-colored house. "It's good to see you again, Rufus," I say to the yellow dog lying peacefully on the grass next to me. "Where'd your family go this time?" The dog shifts to rest its head on my lap, and I scratch behind its ears. "You should just run away with me; then neither of us will ever be alone again." I couldn't have provided for that dog had my life depended on it.

Snape releases the spell. "Are you even trying to stop me?"

"Not that time. You managed to find one of my happy memories, and I wasn't quite ready to leave it yet." That was a house I would frequently visit to spend time with Rufus because his family took trips quite often. It was one of the very few places that I returned to.

He watches me sympathetically for a moment. "Again. This time you need to attempt to stop me. Legilimens."

"Don't cry, Charlotte," Mrs. Stoico says gently.

"No one wants me," I whisper back.

She pulls me into her arms, her long blonde hair tickling my nose and making me sneeze. Then she lifts me into the air and walks over to an armchair and sits down with me. I lean against her, and she rests her head atop mine. "You'll have a family one day, Charlotte," she promises me.

"STAY AWAY FROM HER!" I roar at him, coming back to the present and finding myself on the floor on my knees again.

"Well, she was right," he says coolly. "You certainly do have a family now. Just not one that you want."

I glare at him, rage igniting in my chest. "I'm done for the day."

"I don't believe I dismissed you."

"I don't believe I care." I turn my back on him and make my way to the stairs, but I hear him begin to cast the Legilimency Spell again. As quickly as possible, I turn and shout, "Protego!" The spell rebounds and drags me into Snape's memories.

A young Severus Snape sits next to a little redheaded girl, their feet in the Black Lake. "Gryffindor . . ." he says sadly. "I can't believe you were placed in Gryffindor."

She sighs. "And with those gits from the train. I wish I was in Slytherin with you."

He smiles at her, a genuine smile, and says, "But we can still be friends, even if we aren't in the same House."

A spell throws me onto my back. Who was that? Snape seemed so happy with her.

"We're done for today." His voice is dangerous, and I nod silently, not wanting to antagonize him. "We'll resume the day after tomorrow."

Because tomorrow he has to go somewhere, most likely for the Order though he'll never admit that to me. I just wish here was a way to know without a doubt that he is actually in the Order because I need to know how much I can trust him. I don't want to put too much faith in him just so he can make a fool out of me when it turns out that he's actually loyal to Voldemort.

At least we won't have to be around each other tomorrow. A break from one another's presence will likely be good for both of us.

We don't speak to each other for the rest of the day, which results in a few hours of uncomfortable silence before I dismiss myself from his presence to go to sleep, not even having attempted to Apparate to Diagon Alley. A part of me knows that doing such a thing would not have gone well. Somehow, what I saw in his memories angered him more than usual.

When I wake up the next morning and go downstairs, it's no surprise that Snape is still relatively quieter than normal, but it is a surprise that he doesn't seem angry with me anymore.

Though I want to go see Fred and go with him to the Burrow to meet his brother Bill and Bill's fiancée since Snape has cancelled our lessons for the day, I've made other plans. I might drop by the shop later just so the twins know that the Death Eaters haven't killed me, harmed me, or locked me away (not yet at least, I can never be too sure what they'll do).

Snape believes I'm endangering the Weasleys by associating with them and says that if I truly care about them, I would avoid them at all costs. And with how terribly I've been struggling with Occlumency, he might be right. If I can't stop Snape from peering into my mind, how will I ever stop Voldemort himself? Perhaps I am risking their lives. That's part of the reason I'm not visiting Fred today. I didn't tell Snape this, and since he didn't ask my plans before leaving me here, I'll just let him think whatever he wants to think.

So instead of seeing the Weasleys, I'm meeting Tonks, who will be taking me to meet her parents, an opportunity that has not presented itself until now.

After breakfast (one stolen from the Muggle across the street again because I had to "make" breakfast since the lessons are cancelled today), I leave the kitchen and Apparate to the Leaky Cauldron where Tonks awaits me. While it's not surprising to be greeted by a brown-haired Tonks because the bubblegum pink has been missing for a while, it's still saddening to see. The last time I was unable to use my Metamorphmagus skills was right after Mrs. Stoico's death. Has Sirius's death affected her to an extent that she cannot use that skill now? It feels wrong to ask, especially considering how we don't know each other that well. "Wotcher, Charlotte," she says when she sees me, but her heart is not in it.

"You haven't been waiting long, have you?"

"Just got here actually, moments before you showed up," she says, unable to keep her voice as cheery as it usually is. "You mind if we stop at Gringotts? Mum asked if I could get some Galleons out for her."

Never having been in the Wizarding Bank before, I am incredibly excited at the prospect of going but manage to keep my voice even when saying, "That's fine." I follow Tonks to the bank in silence.

We don't know each other well, but is there anything I can do to cheer her up? I could broach the subject, try to find out whatever's bothering her, but it seems unlikely that she'd confide in me. Even when I was all alone and desperate for a friend, opening up to someone I hardly knew didn't sound like a good idea. Why would she feel any different? So distracted by these thoughts, I miss the moment when we step into the bank, which fills me with regret because this place is so different from anything else I've ever seen and deserves to be admired completely. I missed that chance.

Tonks speaks to a goblin while I fruitlessly continue to think of a plan to let her know that I want to support her.

When we load into a cart that sits on tracks leading deep into the earth, I decide to give up trying to think of a way to find out what's going on with her due to the growing apprehension in my chest. This does not look safe in the slightest, and only Tonks's calm expression keeps me from going into a panic.

The cart takes off at an alarming speed, twisting through a maze of passageways and dipping farther underground, and I grip the side so tightly my knuckles turn white, my eyes squeezed shut. I don't like this, I don't like this, I don't like this, what if I fall out? Tonks gently pats my knee as if to tell me that it's all okay, but that feels hard to believe given how cold and dank it's becoming. We could die down here, and how long would it take for anyone to know? A chill runs over me the farther down we go. I dedicate all of my mental energy to breathing evenly. This is fine, this is fine, this is fine.

The cart suddenly halts, and I exhale heavily, opening my eyes to see that we are so far down in the earth that should the cart break, climbing out would be impossible. This is the worst place I've ever been.

We exit the cart—my legs are shaky and unstable as they attempt to carry me after the goblin and Tonks, who has handed him a key. He inserts the key into the lock and places his hand against the door, which immediately opens. Are goblins the only ones who can do that? Why do I not know more about all of this? Because you never had a reason to.

Mountains of gold, stacks upon stack of it, greet us, and my mouth almost waters. I've never seen so much money in all my life. Being disowned from the Black family has not ruined their fortune at all, and I'm curious how they have remained so well-off. I'd almost be tempted to steal it if it didn't belong to people I know. Does my parents' vault look like this, or is it even fuller since there are two family fortunes locked away in there? You won't have access to it anyway, so why does it matter?

Tonks fills a bag with some Galleons, and we exit the vault and reload into the cart. We leave just as fast as we had come, and I have to close my eyes and grip the side to keep myself from crying out.

Tonks looks over at me when we step out of the bank. "I won't ask you to go in there again," she says lightly.

"I could get used to it eventually. Maybe."

She grins at me. "Let's say hi to Fred and George." Though she's probably suggesting this more for me than herself, I am nevertheless grateful and offer a smile and a nod. "You haven't been around in a while?"

"How do you know that?" I ask as we walk to towards Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.

"I've been to the Burrow. They say you haven't been around in over a week." She looks over at me as we walk. "Why?"

"I've been taking lessons. Haven't really been allowed to leave."

"What kind of lessons?"

"Dueling and Occlumency."

"Who's teaching you?"

"Bellatrix," I say quietly. Tonks doesn't reply—she probably feels bad for me, considering how much Bellatrix and I dislike each other—and I seize this moment of her silence to pounce on the opportunity to ask a gateway question that will help me guide me to what I really want to know. "What happened to your pink hair?"

Her face becomes quite sad, and she says, in a dead voice, "I . . . just thought, you know, a change of pace would be nice."

"You can tell me the truth. You've listened to my problems; I can listen to yours. The last time I couldn't control my looks was right after someone I loved died. Are you okay?"

She smiles at me, a sad smile but a smile all the same. "This is supposed to be a happy day, Charlotte. Let's not ruin it."

We walk the rest of the short way to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes with light conversation. She mostly asks about what I've been learning, but because of my failure to accomplish what Snape wants me to accomplish, there's not much to say besides explaining how difficult I find Occlumency and nonverbal spells. "Nonverbal spells are always hard to begin with," she assures me as we reach the entrance to the shop. "It gets better. And I'd offer some sort of advice on Occlumency, but I never spent much time working on it."

Fred sees me the moment I step into his shop, and he hurriedly rushes past his customers and wraps me up in his arms. "Where've you been?"

"Lessons with Bellatrix."

"Bellatrix?" He moves his hands to my shoulders and lowers his face to mine. "Has she hurt you?"

"Like I'd let her do such a thing." It's not like she Cruciated me. He calms down but remains openly nervous about my lessons with my mother, though I'm not really taking lessons from her and can't really tell him who is truly teaching me.

Then his eyes move to Tonks, who seems even more dispirited now than she did just a few minutes ago, and he smiles at her. "Where'd you find Charlotte? She's been hiding from me for days!"

"She's going with me to meet my parents."

"I got the day off. And I thought, why not go meet the members of my family who are against Voldemort?"

"Don't say his name!" Tonks says. "It's dangerous."

"Right, sorry. I'm just so used to saying it to annoy Bellatrix."

This makes them smile, and Fred says, "She even buys Edible Dark Marks to take back to the manor."

"How'd they take it?"

I grin at the thought of Snape's angry "Is this your idea of a joke?" and say, "They didn't take it well."

"And then she did it again."

"And they took it even less well that time."

Tonks and I spend nearly an hour with the Weasley twins before we have to say our goodbyes. I take a calming breath before Tonks Disapparates with me, taking me back to her parents' house.