Part 4: Sent Away
Helga hated the home. It was an old, two story farmhouse and currently had sixteen young women residing there. In addition were five staff members who all seemed to have disdain for all of them. In her first few days she had already been punished with solitary confinement twice. The first had been her refusal to change into the uniform they had all the girls wearing. It took three days, the confiscation of all her clothes, and a snowstorm to get her into it. After that, it had been her reluctance to dye her hair back to a normal color and it ended up being cropped to the absurdly short length of half an inch.
Amanda, the eldest girl at seventeen and her roommate, tried to help her and did better than most. Helga continued to rebel in several ways. It wasn't until Madison, a thirteen year old from Texas, gave birth that she began to really worry.
Though it was New Year's Eve, the girls were forbidden to see in the new year. Helga wouldn't have even been aware of how dire the situation was if she hadn't had to urinate. She quietly slipped from her room and on her return she heard the unmistakable sounds of labor. *What? No one is near to term…*
"Come on, Madison. You're prepared for this."
"I can't. It doesn't feel right."
"You're fine. It's almost time to push."
Madison began to cry. "Shut her up."
There was a hard smack and the girl's sounds became stifled. Helga moved down the hall, creeping until she could see into the room. Her stomach clenched when she saw the blood between Madison's legs. *Oh, geez, why aren't they taking her to a hospital?*
"Come on, now push."
She watched and listened. Thirty minutes later, Madison made one last groan. Helga recoiled at the sight of the dead child. It had come out feet first and it's cord was wrapped around it's neck. Blood was still coming from Madison. As quietly as possible, Helga made her way back to her room. She didn't sleep for the rest of the night.
The next time the well-behaved girls were allowed to go to town, Helga managed to get Amanda to bring her a notebook for her to journal in. She came through with remarkable cunning. When she handed the younger girl a hardcover book called "Unlikely Rebel: A Church Girl's Journey out of Shoulds and Shame" Helga frowned. Amanda winked at her as she moved out of the living room.
That night when she hadn't been able to sleep, she opened the book. Her friend had somehow managed to get a journal of equal size to the book for her to keep her thoughts in. She was eternally grateful for this little piece of normality even if she had to give up her child.
January 12th-
This jellybean is feisty. I hope he resembles his father more than me. I was thinking about names, but none of the others were able to name their babies before they were taken. TAKEN, not given. Some of these women, young but still wanting to be responsible for their children. None of us are here willingly. However, I want to get out of here, have my kid, and name him Arnold Junior if he looks like his father. Maybe that's stupid, but a girl can dream, can't she?
January 20th-
Madison, we'll never know
What you and your son could be
A dark night with silent snow
We lost you both that dark eve
Those who were lost
Those who we love
We can never forget
What tragedies we fear
Under the earth and fresh snow
Those who know try to forget
But others who care to show
Will make them feel deep regret
February 1st-
Changed my mind about the junior thing because he'd either be AJ or Arnie and I don't like either of those. Maybe jellybean will be a girl…I don't know if that would be a good thing. I guess it may be easier to raise a girl if I get out of here, especially if…
February 28th-
I have a plan. Hopefully, it won't end up with me and the jellybean in jail.