"No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. I feel like the maid! 'I just cleaned up this mess; can we keep it clean for... for ten minutes?!"
Mr. Incredible
Judy's mood had improved considerably by the time she arrived at Nick's apartment door the following morning. A night's sleep, the prospect of a day making the world a better place, and a couple of hours' worth of devious plotting was always enough to lift her spirits. She even felt sorry enough about having to wake him up before sunrise that when she did, she did it with a cup of coffee in her paw.
"Morning!" she sang cheerfully when he arrived at the door.
Nick, apparently, was in the habit of sleeping in his clothes (much to Judy's relief). His fur was so messy she ached to ask if he'd stuck his tongue in an outlet, and his eyes brought to mind the morning after six of her brothers sneaked out of bed to watch a horror movie marathon. "Someone had better be dying," he mumbled.
She pushed the coffee into his paw. "Had to get up early to get to the precinct, but I figured I'd swing by and return something you forgot last night." Glibly, she held up his phone.
He accepted it like he was afraid it might bite him. It had taken about an hour's frantic search after getting home the night before to come to the realization that she had his phone, and he had been forced to lay awake for some time wondering what she might do with it. "So how much info did you pull off this?" he asked.
The bunny just smirked and folded her arms. "Enough to make us even," she replied, knowing that this would only increase his paranoia. With all the siblings she'd had – especially brothers – and the way that her ambitions of being a cop inspired them to try to put one over on 'Detective Judy,' she might as well have had a doctorate in Prankology before she finished Junior High.
Nick yawned as he checked his social media pages for any embarrassing posts. Thank goodness she left the shots from the Photobombing Run alone, he thought when he found nothing new.
"Oh, and I got those photos you promised me," she added as if reading his mind.
Nick's eyelids dropped to half-mast. "You think you're funny," he told her, "but you're not."
Judy propped a fist on her hip and smirked. "Me, not funny? Let's see, I know you said something about that last night." She rubbed her chin in a show of thinking hard. "What was it again? 'Funny, funny bunny'?"
He rolled his bleary eyes and continued to check for mischief. There was a new outgoing call with a number he didn't recognize. He'd call it once she was gone; no sense letting her know she had gotten to him - again. "I'm going back to bed," he announced.
"Okay, but I may need you later to help investigate someone's apartment. You're good at that, right? Nosing around-"
"Alright, alright," he surrendered, throwing his paws up. "I was a creep last night. You happy now?"
Judy stowed the recorder pen in her pocket, out of the fox's view. "Very. Sweet dreams."
He frowned as he shut the door and re-called the strange number.
"Viciously Veggie Herbivore Takeout," came the voice at the other end.
Nick stifled a groan and let his head fall back against the door. Touché, Carrots. Well played.
Judy strolled off, feeling more than a little triumphant – and that was even without taking into account the added contacts now stored in her phone. Those numbers, she was sure, would come in handy sooner or later.
Things were quiet in the ZPD lobby as Judy strode in sometime later. Most of the night shift hadn't departed yet, and hardly any of the day shift had arrived. Only a handful of officers of assorted species were to be seen, most of whom she didn't know.
The one familiar face in sight was Ben Clawhauser, whose whole figure seemed heavier than usual. His face was downcast, as were his ears (though they were so tiny compared to his head that it was hard to tell). His shoulders hung with a slump, and he gazed forlornly at the spot where a box of doughnuts usually sat. He was so gloomy that his body almost seemed to be absorbing all the light in the immediate area, casting a dim miasma over the front desk.
Judy felt a pang of guilt as she headed in his direction. Okay, so it wasn't like she had made the cheetah bet with Bogo over whether she and Nick were an item, but seeing him so down still bothered her – especially since her big mouth had accelerated his agony. "Hey," she greeted, trotting up to the desk and doing a quick chin-up to the counter. "How's life?"
"Oh, fine," he answered dismally. "Just... thinking."
She didn't have to ask what he was thinking about. "You holding up okay?"
Ben frowned. "Oh yeah - just so long as I don't look at anything round." He was avoiding looking at her; her head reminded him too much of a jelly doughnut. "Are you sure you and Nick are just friends?"
Talk about your lose-lose situations, she thought. Reminding herself that it would be wrong – and fry her shot at getting Nick into the department – to grant Ben's hopes, she nodded. "Sorry, Ben, but I'm positive. Hey, at least the chief didn't say no eating at all, right?"
"Yeah," he sighed, "but without doughnuts, it's just not the same."
Judy glanced at her watch and judged that if she was quick about handing in the progress report, she should have just enough time for a quick errand before roll call.
She disappeared, and was back in ten minutes. Clawhauser was so busy moping that he didn't notice her arrival until she set down a wax paper package on the counter. "Picked something up for you. It's not a doughnut, but I thought you'd like it."
Ben brightened a little as he opened the package. It was a beetle burger biscuit 'egg-wich' with double cheese. "Aww," he said wistfully. "Well, Judy, any guy would be darn lucky to go out with you."
Judy blushed. Too bad I'm a career doe, she thought. Maybe in a couple years, but not right now. "Thanks for the vote of confidence," she replied, heading for the briefing room.
It wasn't even a full minute before Bogo came along. Clawhauser had just finished the sandwich, eating slowly (well, slowly by his standards) to enjoy the flavor and calories.
"Clawhauser," the water buffalo rumbled, "what is that?"
"Uh, a biscuit beetle-burger egg-wich," the cheetah replied nervously. "With cheese, sir." Bogo had been watching him like a hawk to make sure he stuck to the doughnut deal, and caught him trying to sneak sugary treats the previous day. Buzzing him on the intercom mid-snack, showing up in person, and even plucking doughnuts from the cheetah's paws had been so effective, Clawhauser had been too scared to sneak a visit to the doughnut shop before work that morning.
"Mm-hm. Open your mouth." Leaning in towards the cheetah's agape maw, Bogo took a sniff and grimaced. "Alright, but brush your teeth before it gets busy in here."
Ben wilted. "Yes sir."
Roll call in the ZPD played out pretty much as usual. The chief briefed them on a few new updates; reported sightings of suspects here, possible night howler labs there, and so on. He dispatched officers, but strangely said nothing to Judy until the bullpen was otherwise empty. Then he regarded her, pushing his glasses up on his face with one finger. "Hopps, I looked at your progress report. With your track record, I expected something more... substantial."
Judy had to admit – if only to herself – that she felt much the same. However, she put on a bold face and tried not to let her nose twitch as she replied, "I've been establishing contacts all around the city, sir; getting as many eyes out as I can for Ramses and the other suspects."
Bogo's expression didn't lighten. "The last time I gave you two days on a case, you found fifteen missing mammals – one of them before a report had even been filed on his disappearance. Now you've taken two days to not find three sheep wanted for questioning."
Well, when he was right, he was right. Still, it wasn't like the missing mammals had been actively avoiding detection. "Hate to argue, chief, but it did take three months to actually get to the bottom of that case even after I found the missing mammals."
Clearly, Bogo wasn't mollified. "Yes, well, in three months there's no telling what kind of damage these sheep might do. I want them found, Hopps, before they can strike again. That's an order."
Judy nodded. As abrasive as Bogo's manner was, she knew he was right. The city was depending on her, perhaps now more than ever. Just because the immediate crisis was over didn't mean the case was solved. For all she knew, Doug, Jesse, and Walter might try something even more drastic now that the plot to turn the whole city against the predators had failed. "Don't worry, Chief. I'll bring them in."
Bogo's forehead creased as he turned his attention to something on his clipboard. "It's my job to worry, Hopps. Dismissed."
Judy found Nick already at the front desk. The egg-wich must not have been as effective as she had hoped, because Clawhauser was all but begging Nick to say that he and Judy were a couple. He had gotten so bad that other cops were staring – and several were snickering.
Stepping in, Judy took a spot between the guys. "Ben, I realize this is hard on you, but it's not happening. Nick and I are just friends, and besides, he's got a girlfriend."
Nick lifted his paws and let them drop in frustration. "Carrots, she is not my girlfriend! We crossed paths, chatted a bit, and I gave her a lift home. That's all."
She could have fired off any one of a half-dozen teasing remarks to this, but Clawhauser posed a more immediate concern.
"You mean there's hope?!" asked the cheetah, who hadn't looked so ecstatic since he'd gotten his spot at the front desk back – and been greeted with box upon box of doughnuts. "Oh, yes! I've gotta tell Bogo!"
"Clawhauser!" Judy cried, catching hold of his tail in an effort to stop him. She might as well have tried to stop a runaway train with a fishing rod. Cops all around stared and then began to laugh as the cheetah raced off at a truly surprising speed, with Judy alternately dragging her feet and being whipped outward around corners like a kite unable to quite make liftoff. As they vanished in the direction of the chief's office, one sound rang through the station.
"CLAWHAUSERRRR!"
It was hard for Nick not to snicker as he rode along to Judy's destination. The bunny was uncharacteristically quiet, her uniform was a bit out of place, her fur was off-kilter (how that was possible at such a short length, he'd never know), and the tight-lipped mouth and furrowed brow couldn't have expressed her displeasure more loudly if they'd been in a close-up on an IMAX screen. Getting a lecture from Bogo, trying (and failing) to corral a crazed cheetah, and fighting to make herself heard over said cheetah had not been her favorite way to start the day.
Of course, Nick had to find some way to make it worse. "You know, you probably should have just waited to discuss it one-on-one with old Buffalo Butt after Benji had blown himself out."
She fumed in response with such intensity, one could almost see smoke coming out of her nostrils. The fact that Nick was probably right didn't help much – and neither, for that matter, did a suspicion in the back of her mind.
"Did you tell Ben that Taelia wasn't your girlfriend just to set him off?" she demanded.
Nick's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped, and a paw flew to his chest in a very dramatic wounded look. "Would I lie about that just to make you chase him down?" His hurt look turned back to a sly grin as she fixed him with one glaring eye. "Well, I didn't. But if I had tried, I couldn't have done- OW!" Judy's fist had lashed out, dealing a solid blow to his arm.
Judy tried to console herself with some banter. "Well, I know it even if you won't admit it, Junior Detective," she quipped.
He rolled his eyes, massaging the bruised bicep. "Look, I'm sure that in Bunnyburrow, lunch together and a two-block drive means it's time to plan the wedding, but here in the big city we have this thing called casual dating."
"Oh, please," Judy muttered, letting out an exasperated breath. She was too annoyed – particularly with the species-ist quip – to even notice that Nick had just admitted to a lunch date. "Rabbits are not that fast-and-furious about relationships. The only time we plan the wedding that soon is when little girl bunnies want to annoy a big sister – something I haven't done since I was ten."
"So, all of two weeks ago?" teased Nick, hastily dodging another shot to the arm. "Hey, hey, distracted driving, Carrots."
She returned her attention to the road. He considered the possibility that it was time to change subjects.
"So, what's the plan?" he asked, folding his arms behind his head.
"Well, until something else comes up, I thought we should check out the three mutton-keteers' apartments. The police have them marked off for investigation, so with none of your contacts bringing anything in yet, it's probably our best bet."
"What, the forensics lab hasn't checked them out yet?"
She shrugged, feeling a little more at ease now that they were on a business topic. "They did. I want to see if we can find something they missed."
He grinned. "Ah, you're running low on ideas and want to draw on my talents to cover it up. I wonder what Benji would say about that?"
She winced – not because he had zeroed in on the biggest blabbermouth in the department, but because he had just tried to blackmail the very wrong bunny. "Well, I wonder what he – or some other mammals you know – would say about the songs you keep in your phone."
That fox hadn't looked so bleak since she introduced him to the carrot pen. "You wouldn't dare."
She just laughed and started humming, 'Can You Feel the Fluff Tonight.'
He groaned. I wonder if this is the real reason rabbits used to be on so many mammals' menus, he mused.
They headed to an apartment building in one of the less trafficked areas of Savannah Central, not far from Meadowlands; prime sheep territory. The building – which looked like it might have been designed by the same architect responsible for Judy's place of residence – sat in a cluster of ramshackle structures nestled away among a tangled knot of back streets. Within were two apartments which had once been home, respectively, to Jesse and Doug; Woolter's place was only a block away. The sidewalks were considerably more litter-strewn than most areas of the city, and wrought-iron fences were to be found barring access to nearly every private home in sight. At one or two spots, dark stains adorned walls as if someone had tagged them not with paint, but with black dye shot out of a squirt gun.
"What are those?" asked Judy, wrinkling her nose as they walked past one such spot on their approach to the apartment complex. The smell was like cigarettes steeped in swamp water.
"Tobacco juice," Nick replied calmly. "Some of the... less classy mammals around like to do it – and since it's technically not graffiti to spit on a wall, they can do it all they want as a way to leave their mark."
While Judy scowled at the idea, Nick continued to survey the building in front of them. By his assessment, the place was beneath the notice of most upstanding citizens, yet no more than five minutes from some of the city's most metropolitan areas; maybe two minutes if one would chance the back alleys on foot. Not only that, but the tall buildings nearby would let someone survey a massive chunk of the city. He related these thoughts to Judy, asserting that it would be an ideal place to pick out a target and radio their location to someone like Doug.
She stared at him a little uneasily, ears dipping and nose twitching. "Do you think like that all the time?" she asked.
He coughed. "No... but I may have talked with some hit-"
"La la la," she cut him off, singing off-key. "Don't tell me. I might have to testify later."
The fox coughed. Judy's wariness – while sensible – reminded him again of his many friends on the wrong side of the law. He pushed the thought away. "Right," he replied. "Let's go."
The two of them paused at the door to Doug's apartment to put on rubber gloves, and Judy let them in with a key supplied for the investigation. She also handed Nick a folder full of photos which, she explained, showed the apartment before anything had been seized as evidence. Then she picked a corner and leaned against the wall to watch him do his thing.
Nick searched, comparing what he saw against the photos. Doug's computer was gone, along with several pieces of chemistry equipment and most of the kitchen items as well. A bookshelf was largely undisturbed, although the phone book had been removed – no doubt in search of circled numbers.
He jerked a thumb at the bookshelf. "See if there's anything in those books; you know, like notes, a business card used as a bookmark - that kind of thing. It happens, trust me. Oh, and look for pinholes in the pages. Sometimes they mean something."
She made for the shelf. "I didn't know about the pinhole thing," she admitted. "Do a lot of crooks use that?"
"To my knowledge, mostly pirates," he admitted, devoting his eyes to his own search. "I read about it in a book on hidden treasure when I was a cub, but you never know."
Judy set to it, glad to have something to do. She thumbed through several books on chemistry, all of which were college or post-grad level. Most of the material was gobbledygook to her; the knowledge cops needed when it came to chemistry had more to do with figuring out when someone was running a drug lab or concocting home-made poisons, not distilling ornamentals. So far, the use of night howlers in the recent case was unique, and thankfully the plants were not in use for recreational drugs either – not unless one counted the 'romantic effects' of Poisson's products, anyway – so there wasn't much common ground. The books on botany and horticulture were, at least, more to her liking. She had a good working knowledge of both, and several of the books were thoroughly illustrated with impressive diagrams and blueprints. Some of them she had even seen in situ on her family's farm, and one or two of the designs struck her as worth remembering when she next spoke with her parents. Who knew my police work might benefit their farming? she mused, enjoying the irony.
Unfortunately, none of the books yielded any discernible clues to Doug's location. Nick also struck out after hours of scouring, so after a brief lunch break at a nearby diner, they moved on to Jesse's apartment on the next floor. This time, opening the door met them with a scene of veritable chaos.
"How could someone be so messy with so little stuff?" Judy wondered aloud. Looking through the photos of the place had done little to prepare her for its disastrous state, which looked like a whole family of tornadoes might have come there to die. It was a one-room apartment like Judy's, with few items fit to call 'belongings'; a doorless closet with maybe three shirts hung up and a mess of other clothes on the floor, a ratty-looking TV, and a haphazard shelf of videos and DVDs – with most of the items in question actually stacked in odd places around the apartment. A sheetless bed sported a couple of blankets, and the pillow was over by the DVD shelf, evidently having been used as a weapon against the alarm clock. Yet for the overall lack of actual possessions, the place was all but bursting with a hoard of cans, newspapers, magazines, and takeout containers empty except for a few bits and pieces of now-inedible vegetation. Posters of female mammals her mother would have screamed at hung so haphazardly on the walls that they must have been sloppy on purpose. To top it off, the room reeked of liniment and one or two odors Judy didn't recognize – which, she suspected, just went to show that ignorance really was bliss.
Nick walked in like he owned the place. Glancing over his shoulder at Judy, he remarked, "You can wait outside if you want." Evidently he had sensed her unease.
She frowned, not sure if Nick was making the offer to spare her the ordeal or needle her like he had the last time he made such an offer. Part of her was tempted to accept; she was pretty sure all of her hundred-plus brothers wouldn't have made this much of a mess if they had a whole month. For that matter, while the posters weren't quite as bad as what she'd seen on her first case (if only for lack of depth), some of them were pretty raunchy. On the other paw, she figured she'd have to get used to dumps like this if she was going to make a career out of investigating criminals. "Can't do it," she replied, covering her discomfort with a glib smirk she'd learned from Nick. "Technically, you're not a cop. I can't leave you unsupervised, Junior Detective."
"Ha, ha, and also ha," Nick retorted sarcastically, and he began sifting through the junk on the floor.
"What are you looking for?" asked Judy, hoping she could help. She had a few ideas; mail and receipts would be key in this case, since they might yield clues as to places where the conspirators had held meetings or bought equipment and supplies. The sheep had been difficult when it came to information (and their lawyers had been even more so), but from what the ZPD had gathered, Jesse had done much of the running and fetching. That said, Nick had one thing she lacked: a paws-on knowledge of the criminal mind. A single hint from him would probably be worth at least a chapter of the reading she had done at the academy.
The fox shrugged. "Mail, receipts, junk like that. Anything to tell us his favorite hangouts or shopping places."
Judy rolled her eyes heavenward with a beleaguered sigh. Then again, maybe not.
Looking around, her gaze fell on a small container that was shaped like a laboratory vial or beaker, but made of metal. Curious, she picked it up and unscrewed the cap.
"Eeee-ugh!" With a disgusted cry, she threw it across the room. A green, foul-smelling liquid flew out of the beaker, scattering along its course. Judy started gagging, fighting with all her might to keep from throwing up.
"Carrots, what the- gack!" Nick got a whiff of the stuff too, and instantly looked ill. Holding his nose with one paw, he wrapped the other around Judy, who seemed to have gone dizzy from the stink. He half-walked, half-dragged her to the door, shutting it behind them with a loud 'bang.'
Free of the repulsive odor, the bunny started to recover. "Oh, what was that?! One of Doug's experiments? It smelled like essence of skunk!"
Nick coughed a little. "Trust me, Carrots, skunk spray is worse... a little." It sounded as though he spoke from experience. "I think you found some Wheat-Grass Whiskey."
"Some what?" Judy had never heard of the stuff.
"Booze," Nick replied more simply. "It's the alcoholic answer to Limburger; worst-smelling stuff on the market, and it tastes even lousier than that."
She made a face. "You've tried it before?"
He answered reluctantly. "Once... in high school. Someone bet me fifty dollars I couldn't hold it in my mouth for ten seconds."
"And you went through with it?"
"Let's just say I'm the only guy I know who's ever spent fifty bucks all on mouthwash in one go – and my girlfriend still dumped me when she got a whiff of my breath the next day."
Judy winced, then thought of something. She opened her mouth to speak...
"And no questions about my love life, please."
She frowned. "I was going to say that if we ever went to schools to do those 'don't do drugs' talks, you should tell that story."
He sighed. "You are hopeless," he muttered.
The bunny cop rose to her feet, rubbing her nose as if to clear away the last vestiges of the smell. "The landlord is already ticked that he can't rent out the apartment until our investigation is closed. He's going to have a fit over that mess."
This was met with a shrug from the fox. "Well, at least we've got a clue."
"We do?"
"Yep. Very few mammals – even prey – have a taste for that stuff, so not many places sell it. That means if we check out those places, we might find a lead to our ram."
Judy thought about that. "Got anything more helpful?"
The smirk she got in reply said it all. "Do I have an address?" asked Nick, holding up a matchbook. "Yes. Yes I do."
Judy regarded the matchbook. "Cloven Hoof Bar," she read off the front. "Yeah, one of the main watering holes for sheep and goats. We checked it out. Bogo's got our IT guys watching the traffic cams around it for any sign of the sheep we want. Nothing so far, and we don't have enough evidence to get a warrant."
Nick laughed. "Ah, my dear, naïve little bunny," he chided. "Who said anything about a warrant?"
She grinned, feeling good enough to ignore the 'naive' remark. "Let me guess. You have a friend who can get in unnoticed?"
"I know everyone," Nick replied glibly. Then, more thoughtfully, he added, "But I can think of one guy in particular who- oh." He pulled out his phone as it buzzed in his pocket, pressed a button, and frowned. "Aw, fudge," he uttered.
"What's wrong?" asked Judy, trying to get a look.
Nick quickly covered the phone with his free paw. "Well, I, um... I made some plans for today because I didn't think you would need me this long, and I, um... I kind of made plans," he finished weakly, closing the screen and pocketing the phone.
Judy scrunched her face in confusion. "Plans? What kind of plans?"
Had it been anyone but Judy, Nick would have enjoyed the irony. "Well, you remember a certain vixen I texted last night when you wanted me to annoy someone else for a change?"
It took even Judy a moment to find words for that. "Oh, sweet cheese and crackers," she muttered. She knew in the back of her head that she'd laugh about that bit of backfiring later, but at the moment it was a little too annoying for that.
Nick pulled out his phone again. "I guess I'll have to tell her something came up, and-"
"No, don't do that," she interrupted, putting both paws on his arm. "If you said you'd do it, then do it. I'll wrap up here."
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking at her uncertainly.
She let go, waving one paw. "Yeah, I'll take care of things here. Have a good time." Then as she watched him go, her more spirited side rebounded a little and she decided to get in one parting dig. "Just don't forget your deodorant, okay Junior?"
"Ha ha, very funny," he called back, pausing to double-check as soon as he was sure he was alone.
As he was on his way to a takeout place en route to Taelia's, Nick started dialing to call his order ahead. Before he could finish, though, another call came in. He recognized the number. "Hey Taelia," he greeted. "What's up?"
"Hi Nick. Are we still on for tonight?"
He shrugged. "Last I checked. I should be there in about forty-five minutes. Why, did something come up?"
"No. More the opposite, actually. I was wondering, would you be up for something besides just watching the show?"
Nick puzzled over this, hampered by the fact that when he had agreed to the date he'd also been contending with other texts and waiting for Judy to leave her apartment unguarded. "Depends, I guess."
"Well, I'll let Xavier explain. He likes to do the talking, and I have to hurry and get ready – but I told him you were coming and we think you might be helpful for our latest project."
He stopped. Interesting remark. Slightly sinister, he thought. Last time I heard that I ended up getting shot at. He did his best not to sound uneasy. "Guess we'll find out."
Thanks for the support, everyone. I'm sorry this took so long to write as I try to prepare my house for winter, but it's been a blast putting together Nick's and Judy's parts. I don't think I've had this much fun with any two characters in years (Bogo and Clawhauser are fun too). I also think this is my longest chapter yet, and hopefully the next will follow fairly soon since I have it pretty well planned out. So what do you think is ahead for Nick: a dream date, or a nightmare?
I have a confession to make about the love triangle remarks I made previously; this "love triangle," like the movie itself, is about way more than just Nick's love life – although, as you can see, that will be coming up. My main point is that Nick is ultimately struggling between self-love and others-centered love; whether he'll continue on his new course or go back to his old ways of living. How Judy and Taelia - and Vanya, for that matter - will impact that... well, that remains to be seen. ;)
I also noticed that the previous chapter states that Judy doesn't wear socks, but later adds that she has a sock drawer. I thought about that, and I'm thinking she probably does have socks for such cases as require closed-toed shoes (anytime, say, that she's expecting to be in the cold for a prolonged time) but – like most mammals – prefers to go barefoot. Not saying that will figure into the story, not saying it won't. Just a thought.
My thanks to everyone for the continued attention. I now have fifteen faves and twenty-eight followers. I know that's pretty small for a Zootopia fanfic, but since this is my first one and my first police story since Love Never Lies (which kind of crashed), I'm glad for whatever interest it gets.