This chapter proofread by Hawktooth and JrRangerScout (anyone know where winerp is? I hope he's okay).
Mr. Dimwitty: "(Let's say) Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball. Now when he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy out on first, so I pick up the ball and throw it to Who?"
Mr. Broadhurst: "Now that's the first thing you've said right."
Mr. Dimwitty: "I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!"
Who's On First, by Abbott and Costello
After a total of at least fourteen hours of poring over the information Poisson had sent, Judy was getting frustrated. Even with Nick's help, she couldn't find anything useful. Everything was accounted for: flowers planted, flowers harvested, total weight of the blossoms, concentrate acquired, concentrate purity... she was usually good at math, but her head was spinning. Nick was faring little better. For all his years disguising scams as legitimate business, even he had to admit that if there was something buried in the paperwork, it was more than he could dig up.
"Now let's see," Judy reflected, sorting through piles. "This one's from September... wait, I looked at that. Which of these piles have I...?" she trailed off, realizing that every pile was one which she had looked at, repeatedly and with extreme prejudice. "Rrrrgh!" The bunny groaned and smacked her forehead on the desk. "We've been over all this stuff five times!" she erupted. "There's got to be something we're missing!"
Although Nick had been doing a lot more than just watching her give herself ulcers, he was pretty sure that alone would have left him exhausted. Nor had he been slouching in his efforts to help, and to top it all off he had been trying – in vain, of course – to ease Judy's mind. His endeavors on this last front included telling her about the upcoming concert, passing along Taelia's vote of encouragement, a couple of suggestions that some fresh air might clear her mind, three subtle pryings for some reason why she had been so tense after they actually started making headway with Jesse's capture, and a very calm remark that he thought her tail might be on fire. These had yielded, respectively, two rounds of "that's nice," a "not now" and an, "I said not now," three variations of, "just trust me," and another "that's nice." He was tempted to make some remark about her missing the point of a day off, but suspected that this would be ill-advised... and possibly result in a bruise shaped like a rabbit's fist.
There was another option he'd been holding in reserve, but with all his other methods falling short, he decided he might as well pull it out. "You know, Fluff, it's been my experience that when you're stuck with something you don't know how to handle, it helps if you step back and tackle some problem you do know how to handle."
She gazed at him wearily. "Like what?" she asked.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. "Well, a friend of mine asked me to give you his phone number."
Judy's nose twitched, and one of her eyebrows went up. "Okay, how is that a problem?"
There was no need to mask a smirk. If anything, Nick had to work not to laugh. "Well, don't tell me you've never told a guy you weren't interested. A cute doe like you must have had to do that at least a couple of times in high school, right?"
The impact on Judy's frayed nerves was so electric, she didn't even take the time to reprimand him about the 'c' word. "What? You want to pull me away from a case because some guy...?" She couldn't even finish, but could only stare at his calm expression. "Nick, what's wrong with you?"
He shrugged. "Hey, it was just a thought. Too bad, though. He's a really nice guy, too. Be a shame to make him wait for a simple 'no thanks'."
Judy wavered, and then sighed in resignation. Nick had no idea what she was up against, but maybe it would help to take her mind off the case just for the space of one phone call. With slow reluctance, she nodded to the fox and held out a paw in a 'give it here' type of gesture.
"Atta girl. Here's the phone number," he told her, writing it down and putting it into her paw. "I need to, uh, take a walk anyway, so you'll have privacy."
She watched him go, then gazed at the scrap of paper. It wasn't his number, so at least he wasn't setting her up for some prank.
'He's a really nice guy,' Nick's voice echoed in her mind. 'Be a shame to make him wait for a simple 'no thanks'.'
She sighed, picked up her phone, and punched in the number.
Over in an outlying bit of Sahara Square, a gray wolf likewise on his day off sat at a computer clicking his mouse and tapping keys madly as a character on the screen traded sword strokes with a zombie.
"Let's see how you like this," he remarked to the undead freak, readying an attack. Before he could use it, however, his phone rang.
"Agh," he muttered, letting off a half-charged attack and hitting the pause key. He picked up the phone. "Hello?"
A female voice emerged. "Hey, um... this is Judy. Judy Hopps, I mean. Nick said you asked him to give me your number?"
Judy, Judy... "Oh, Judy!" he exclaimed, trying to sound casual and failing miserably. He had not, by any means, forgotten his friend's teasing remark after the sting. "So Nick gave you my number. Good." Man, this is awkward, he thought.
Over on her end, Judy felt pretty awkward herself. While Nick had guessed right about her telling guys she wasn't interested before, it was usually a buck about whom she had at least a little information. This was more like a blind date for a breakup – and to make matters worse, his voice at least did sound nice. That wasn't much to go by, of course, but it was all she had at the moment – which, of course, was half the problem. Just like Nick to bail when I made the actual call, she thought. "Uh, listen, Nick didn't tell me a whole lot about you; just that you're a nice guy..."
Kevin smacked a paw over his face. I... am going... to kill that fox! he thought. It didn't help that to his all-but-paranoid ears, Judy sounded interested but nervous – which, of course, was more or less what he'd been worried about after what Nick had said the other night. All the same, he forced a grin. "Uh, well, there's not a whole lot to tell, I guess. Just your average wolf who works with computers, I guess."
A wolf? thought Judy. This is his idea of how to unwind? Telling me to call a strange wolf just to tell him I'm not interested? Much as she didn't have against wolves in general, she did have a general notion of what she liked when she went on a date and it usually didn't involve talking to the guy's kneecaps. With Oscar-worthy effort, however, she managed – barely – to keep annoyance from creeping into her voice. "Oh, okay. Well, listen, I'm really flattered, but I'm kind of busy lately – you know, with a big case – and I really don't have the time to see anyone right now."
He sounded pretty confused, for the very excellent reason that he was confused. "You don't?"
When he spoke, he had let out a breath in confusion and some relief. She mistook that for dismay. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry to break it to you, but being a cop is tough, and I really don't have the time-"
"Wait, wait, hold on a minute," Kevin cut her off.
"There's really not much else to say," she argued.
"No, no," he persisted. "That's not what I mean. Judy, I wasn't going to ask you out."
She blinked. "You weren't?"
"No!" Realizing that his vehemence could come across as an insult, he hastily amended, "I mean, I'm sure you're nice, but I asked Nick to give you my number because I work for the ZPD's tech division. I just wanted us to be able to keep in touch in case you needed fast access to my department, that's all."
Now Judy was confused. "Then why did you seem so bugged about me not wanting to see you?"
"Me? I was bugged because I thought you were calling to ask me out. Nick said the other night that..."
Like a bolt of forked lightning, the realization hit them both at the exact same instant.
"NICK!"
Out on the fire escape, Nick knew that the time had come to make himself scarce. Closing out the recording app on his phone, he pocketed the device and jumped onto the railing, sliding down like an expert skiier.
He should have been a little quieter. Closing the call and pocketing her own phone out of habit, Judy was after him in a flash "Nick!" she shouted, scrambling out the window, "Get your brush-tailed butt up here right now!"
A voice from next door sounded through the aperture behind her. "Oh, just make out already!"
Much as she wanted to catch the fleeing fox, she stuck her head back in for one brief announcement. "You're next!" she yelled, and raced after Nick.
It was a pretty tight race. Nick had the lead, and in his time as a con he'd had to flee down fire escapes a fair number of times. Judy, on the other hand, had a sharp edge in natural agility as well as her ZPD training. To her, the whole descent was like one big jungle gym. The bottom level clinched the race. Slipping out the rail of the next level up, she dropped, caught a paw on the floor as she shot past, and whipped around to a perfect landing smack on top of Nick.
"Ow," he groaned weakly when he could breathe again.
"Phone, please," she said with a triumphant smile.
Before he could hand over the device, however, her own phone rang. With an annoyed groan, she pulled it out and answered the call. "Can I call you back in a second, Kevin?" she asked. "I'm a little busy."
The voice on the other end stopped her cold. "No, and my name's not Kevin."
"Chief!"
"Yes, it's me. I want you at the old community center on the double – and bring that fox"
She wondered what could be behind the sudden summons... and then it hit her. There was only one reason Bogo would call her like this. "We'll be right over," she promised, and hung up.
Nick was still on his stomach underneath her, and now he was confused as well as stunned – not to mention in pain. That tended to happen when mammals landed on him like that. "Two questions," he said weakly. ""What was that about, and does it mean you'll get off me now?"
She jumped off and pulled him upright before making a beeline for the ladder. "I'll explain on the way!" she promised. Order of silence or not, she had kept her mouth shut long enough – and now it was too late.
Some two hours before, the Zootopia Community Center had been a bustle of activity as mammals prepared for the concert. With the grand event just ten days away, the main mover and shaker behind it – a maneless lion by the name of Regis Killrahb – wanted to put everything through a test fit to make sure nothing was amiss. With his knack for event arrangements being second only to that of Olivia Poisson herself, he found plenty worth amending.
"Move those tables to the right, please. We've sold more tickets to elephants than we expected, so we'll need better access. You there, how high can we make those temporary balconies? We want the smaller guests to be able to see what's going on. Now, where is-?"
"Mister Killrahb," called a white-tailed deer, weaving through the crowd with the agility typical of her species. She sprang over a rather indignant squirrel and landed in front of the lion, decked in coveralls and a toolbelt.
"Miss Shiptine," Killrahb greeted. "Is all going well?
Erika Shiptine was the contractor he had hired to oversee the electrical concerns of the upcoming concert. The community center was an old building, and its wiring was long overdue for renovations. A full rewiring would have been too costly and time-consuming, so the financiers – represented by Killrahb – had offered the city council a compromise. In exchange for expediting the concert, the financiers would cover the cost of an initial assessment for later rewiring.
The deer shook her head. "I'm afraid not. The system you brought in is all wrong. It won't work."
"Won't work?" echoed the lion, surprised. "But I checked the papers myself. It's the one I ordered."
"Well whether it is or not, it won't do the job."
Killrahb hummed. "Well, show me what the trouble is. Perhaps we can work something out."
She shrugged, none too fond of novices trying to negotiate with what she knew for a fact. It wasn't as if cut-and-dry electronics could be haggled up or down like a price. "This way," she waved with a tired sigh in her voice.
The system she showed him drew power from several parts of the building in an effort to avoid overloads. At its hub, amidst many cables, a computer was set up to control the flow of electricity for the lighting, speakers, and other necessities of the event.
"Now," asked Killrahb, "what exactly is the problem? Is there danger of any one wire drawing too much, or- ack!" He swatted at the back of his neck. "Hm. Better arrange some pest control for the... event." He stared at his paw, which was smeared with a pasty blue substance, and a cold dread fell over him. "Dear Heaven," he murmured in a raspy whisper as his throat went dry with fright. He'd seen the news broadcasts, and even with his mind beginning to slip, he knew.
Miss Shiptine stared at him. "Mister Kir-?"
"Run!" he ordered through clenched teeth, doubling over and grasping his head. "Run!"
Unadulterated horror swept over the doe as she realized what she was seeing. Without another syllable of protest, she fled. "Night Howler attack!" she screamed to all within hearing. "NIGHT HOWLER ATTACK!"
While the electrician's cries spread panic and disorder among all in hearing, the truth of the matter was already worse than any could have imagined. Left to his own devices, Regis Killrahb's thrashing had thrown him into the mess of wiring. By the time he got loose, thoroughly in the drug's sway, the system had begun to burn.
Hoo boy. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse... you know, never think it can't get worse. What's going to happen? Who fired the shot (hint: it wasn't Doug this time)? Perhaps strangest of all, what does Bogo want Nick for?
Sorry for the delays, which is to say sorrier than usual. I was expecting to bang out the next few updates in pretty quick succession, but I was delayed by various problems. On the flip side, JrRangerScout brought something else up which made me realize I could stand to flesh out an upcoming point of the story, so I'll be writing another chapter. I'll keep it short, but to whet your appetites I'll offer this teaser: another OC who's been hiding in the wings will be making a reappearance, and it won't be friendly.
The Easter Eggs are fairly straightforward. One which I will explain now is that Erika Shiptine is a modified version of the name Erik Shipton, the first western man to climb Mount Everest and the one who brought legends of the yeti to Europe. This is not a gender-bend, but rather possibly a descendant of the Zootopia-world explorer (don't ask me what would pass for yetis in that world; I have no idea and it's keeping me up at night). The "tine" part, of course, is a deer pun.
The other Easter Egg – which some of you should guess with ease enough – is the game Kevin was playing.
And just so you can all stop worrying, no; Judy does not end up with Kevin, as funny as that would be to show to the real Kevin. What real Kevin? Well, you'll have to find out when I post a little side project I've been working on; just a little more in-depth material about my OCs. Until then! *salutes*
Lastly, in case anyone is wondering, evidently "Who's on First" is public domain as per a Supreme Court decision a while back. So those who might have worried can relax, and those who just want to lighten up can check it out on YouTube. You won't be sorry, I promise.