Follow Your Heart – The Cook Chronicles
Chapter 19 – Husbands and Wives
With Emma and Matthew off on their honeymoon in Manitou (neither of them interested in traveling very far from home), and Elizabeth and Rebecca returning to their lives in Boston (knowing they would see the family again soon enough for Colleen's medical school graduation), it was time for Colleen and Andrew to begin helping at the clinic. Katie was dropped off at Mrs. Landsberger's, and Brian, out of school for the summer, resumed working at the Gazette.
The clinic's examination room looked much as it had when Colleen and Andrew had last seen it, the space neat and tidy as usual. Michaela and Colleen donned their aprons as Andrew hung up his hat and coat.
"This is a treat, having you both back to help me," Michaela said joyfully as she tied her apron.
Andrew looked about the room. "Brings back a lot of memories."
"What would you like us to do, Ma?" Colleen asked eagerly.
"Well, if you don't mind, Andrew, I was hoping that you could take over my house calls to start. That would allow me to better monitor Colleen as she begins her internship."
"Certainly. The fresh air will do me good," Andrew agreed amiably. Not only was Michaela the senior physician overseeing Colleen's internship, but after two years apart, he had presumed that she'd want to spend time together. "Just tell me who I need to see today."
Michaela and Andrew reviewed the list of patients she'd already drawn up, going over the reason for each visit, and refreshing Andrew's memory of where they lived. She'd thoughtfully chosen a group that mostly lived in the same vicinity, to make it easier for him to navigate. "If you can't get to everyone today, don't worry about it. We'll just put them on the list for tomorrow."
Andrew gave a curt nod of acknowledgement. Though it had been some time, he hadn't forgotten the hazards of navigating frontier trails, which were a far cry from the orderly and well-maintained straight lines of city streets. In contrast, roads out here were typically uneven and circuitous. Equipment failures such as a broken harness, wheel or axle, or a late afternoon thunderstorm, could also foil one's plans. Of course, there was also hospitality to think of. Some folks were eager for company (or attention), and a simple ten-minute visit could easily stretch to half an hour or more.
The twenty-eight-year-old picked up his medical bag, then turned towards Colleen with a small smile in farewell. "I'll see you later." He retrieved his hat and coat and let himself out.
Colleen had been standing there awkwardly, the odd one out while her husband and mother discussed the day's plan. In the past she would have been occupied settling her baby sister upstairs, but today she didn't even have that to do. So, she stood at the window to the alley, pretending to be distracted by what was going on outside, while listening to the conversation inside. And then her husband was heading out the door, off to work like any other man, and it was just her and her mother in the clinic, as it had been in the beginning.
"Colleen, this morning I need you to air out the recovery rooms, changing the sheets and wiping bedpans," said Michaela.
Colleen stared at her mother in dismay. Two years of medical college - of memorizing a dizzying array of ailments and remedies, of learning how to care for patients in need - and here she was being asked to do the same mundane tasks she'd done as a youngster? All because her degree had been withheld on a technicality?
It wasn't fair.
"Wiping bedpans?" she echoed in disbelief. "Don't you have someone-"
"You know how important hygiene is, Colleen," Michaela interrupted. "Or have you forgotten that lesson already?"
Colleen was stunned by the rebuke and her confidence faltered. "No, Ma, I haven't forgotten."
"I'm glad to hear it. I trust you also remember where the sheets and rags are kept." And with that, Michaela went to the file cabinet to pull a patient record, effectively dismissing Colleen.
Hurt by her mother's behavior, Colleen slowly headed for the door leading to the rooms upstairs. She felt like she was being punished for something, but for what, she had no idea. It wasn't her fault she wasn't old enough to practice medicine. In fact, in the past, it had been others – including Elizabeth Quinn - who'd complained that Colleen was too young to be exposed to the adult realities of doctoring, but Michaela had never felt that way. But now… now Dr. Mike was firmly putting her in her place.
She wasn't a doctor yet.
"Oh, Colleen?"
Colleen's hand had just reached for the doorknob. She steeled herself before turning around, expecting another chore to be handed out.
"I was joking, Colleen," said Michaela, her manner her normal self. "There are a few appointments today; we can go over the patient records together before they come in."
Colleen's face lit up, in relief, in joy, and she hurried over to her mother to embrace her. "Oh, Ma. You had me fooled. I thought you were mad at me because I don't have my degree yet."
"I'm sorry about that, sweetheart. I wasn't mad at you. I was imitating how I was treated as an intern. Most of the time I was seen as an inconvenience and told to stay out of the way."
"How awful."
"And worst of it was I knew I couldn't complain about it. Because if I did, they would have used it as an excuse to say women didn't belong in medicine. I didn't even tell my father. Each evening after supper, when he and I would talk, I would tell him about what I'd been able to observe that day, and then he would tell me about his day."
"I'm glad I get to do my internship with you."
"So am I. It'll be just like old times." The warm smile on Michaela's face conveyed how happy she was at the thought. "But this doesn't mean that the sheets and bedpans can be ignored. Fortunately, you're right, I do have help for that."
:
The next couple of days passed in similar fashion, with Andrew going out on house calls and Michaela and Colleen handling the scheduled appointments and walk-ins. On one day, Andrew and Preston met for their lunch, with Andrew relating about his married life in Philadelphia, and Preston sharing that Ezra Leonard had contacted him about the forthcoming state constitutional convention, inviting him to participate. Despite Preston's altered circumstances, Leonard had assured him he'd find a seat at the table, seeing as how Preston had been instrumental in rescuing his son Caleb from McBride (not to mention that Leonard had suffered some financial pain of his own from the Panic of '73, though it hadn't been quite as severe as Preston's losses). On another day, Colleen and Andrew found a free hour to go sample the hot springs at the Chateau.
When Colleen first put on her late aunt's bathing suit (to see where it required tailoring to fit her smaller stature), she had remembered Marjorie fondly, of how she had overcome her bad marriage and became a strong, independent woman, forging her own path in the world before her life had been taken too soon. Donning the white suit this time made Colleen feel empowered, like she could do anything.
For Andrew, his first glimpse of Colleen in the garment reminded him anew of that day at the hotel when Marjorie had led some of Hank's girls to the springs. It had been both an amusing and alluring event – he was a man, after all, and couldn't help but appreciate the female forms on display when they began to rise dripping wet from the water. But (in his admittedly biased estimation), there was nothing more attractive than the sight of Colleen's rosy lips and cheeks as she basked in the steaming springs... well, until it was time for them to exit the pool, that is. The twenty-year-old emerged dripping wet, the white fabric clinging to every curve of her nubile body. Andrew found himself agog, openly staring as his wife innocently bent over to pick up a towel. It was only when he spied another man eyeing Colleen that Andrew snapped to his senses, quickly rushing to his wife's side to cover her with a robe, saying he didn't wish her to catch a chill.
The young couple's second anniversary was fast approaching, too, and Colleen told her mother that she and Andrew would be taking the afternoon off for a picnic. Michaela took the opportunity to share that she and Sully would also be celebrating their anniversary – their fifth – in a few days, planning an overnight campout before Sully resumed his work scouting and surveying for the Department of the Interior. Would Colleen look after Katie, please?
Of course she would.
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Andrew had thought that Colleen might wish to sentimentally return to the site of their very first picnic, the one where they'd reached a new understanding between them. But instead, Colleen directed him to drive to a place in the woods that he'd not seen before, a shaded spot near a small waterfall. He supposed she wished to recreate the isolated woodland setting of last year's picnic, a place where they might go wading. He didn't mind getting a little wet if it made her happy. So long as she was happy, he'd be happy.
Following the main meal – Grace's famous meatball sandwiches, naturally – Andrew pulled another pie tin from the basket.
"Would you care for some dessert, Madame?" Andrew offered, playfully imitating a slight French accent.
Rather than take a cookie, Colleen took the entire tin out of his hands and set it aside. "I think I would like some of this first," she said, leaning in to kiss him.
Andrew's surprise at her initiative quickly turned into delight. "Mmm, I like… your choice."
They kissed tenderly, lovingly. Before Andrew could lower her onto her back, Colleen again took the lead and gave Andrew a gentle nudge on his chest. He readily took the hint and reclined himself onto the blanket. Resuming their kissing, Andrew's hands caressed her backside, and Colleen's fingers threaded through his hair.
Then, becoming even bolder, Colleen shifted position to straddle his thigh.
"Mmm, Colleen… do you know what… you're doing to me?" Andrew managed to ask between kisses.
Pleased, Colleen smiled. "I have a pretty good idea," she said flirtatiously before pressing her lips to his in a passionate kiss.
Releasing a low moan, Andrew succumbed to his wife's enthusiasm and returned her kiss eagerly before rolling them over so that she was beneath him. Colleen slipped her hands underneath his jacket and arched upward, seeking closer contact. Andrew was only too happy to meet her efforts with his own downward thrusts, generating that delicious friction between them. How tempting it was to reach a hand down, hike her skirts upwards, and… and good Lord, what was he thinking? He let out a groan and abruptly tore himself away, rolling onto his backside beside his wife, breathing hard.
"Andrew, you don't have to stop."
Still out of breath, Andrew looked over in shock. "Colleen, you... you want me to act like… some lecherous brute?"
"Of course not," she said tenderly, her own chest rising and falling rapidly. She rolled onto her side, facing him. "I want you to act like my husband… who loves me."
Andrew mirrored her position. "I do love you, darling, but… this isn't the time or place. I- I don't have our special supplies," he pointed out, certain that would be the end of it.
"That's all right." It would have been rather strange to suggest he bring along his medical bag on their picnic! However, after two years of marriage and medical school, she knew as well as he that there were alternatives. "We can use our hands."
He gaped at her as if she were daft. "Out here?" he asked incredulously.
"Andrew, there's nobody here but us."
"For now, but that could change at any minute."
And with that last protest, Colleen's hopes were dashed. This hadn't gone at all like she'd imagined it would! She had pictured them becoming swept up in the moment, a romantic tryst in the woods to provide a treasured memory. And things had been romantic - until she'd spoiled it by trying to push Andrew too far.
"If you don't want to, then forget it," she said in a mixture of frustration and embarrassment, getting up and walking away from the mess she'd created.
"Colleen, wait…" She stopped when he caught up with her, knowing it would be futile to try to outpace his longer legs. "We should talk about this. I- I had no idea you've been entertaining thoughts of us together outside our bedroom."
"Actually, I got the idea from you."
"From me?" His tone was clearly skeptical.
"Our picnic last year in Wissahickon Valley. I thought we were going to… you know, right there. Then you said we had to wait to finish. But a part of me kind of wondered what it would have been like if we hadn't stopped."
Andrew stood silent a moment, dumbfounded by this revelation. "You've been thinking about that all this time? You never said anything."
"It's not like we had many chances to be alone like that in Philadelphia," she reminded him. "But then we came back here, and started talking about our anniversary, and I thought… but it was a stupid idea."
"Colleen, I appreciate the sentiment, really. When you took the initiative, I found that incredibly arousing, as you could tell. I wouldn't mind it at all if you did that again in the privacy of our bedroom. But as for being intimate outdoors... I'm sorry, darling. I guess I'm still traditional in that regard."
"It's all right," she said, gazing up into his blue-gray eyes. While Andrew had changed quite a bit since moving out West – accepting the use of Indian remedies, courting and marrying a girl with ambition, even skirting the law when necessary – it seemed that there were still some lines he was unwilling to cross. And while disappointing, Colleen understood that she needed to respect his boundaries. "We'll finish later?"
"Absolutely." He enveloped her in his arms and kissed her hair. "I can guarantee that tonight you'll have my full cooperation."
They returned to the blanket to finish their dessert. When Andrew asked if Colleen wanted to take a stroll, he sensed her concurrence was only out of politeness. Indeed, when they reached the waterfall Colleen made no move to go wading like she had the year previously, and after just a few minutes suggested they go back to town where she could get in more time interning at the clinic.
He knew it was his fault she wanted to leave early, that she was disappointed he hadn't cooperated with her planned assignation, but he didn't know how to salvage their outing beyond his pledge that they would finish things tonight. Ergo, he agreed to take his wife back to the clinic, where she would presumably tell Michaela what had happened. For despite Colleen's claim that she'd come up with the idea from their picnic a year ago, Andrew suspected that the true origin lay in exposure to the behavior of her adoptive parents, whom everyone knew spent time alone together in the woods. And while he would have preferred that Colleen not share today's episode with Michaela (as he felt it was highly personal), Andrew knew mother and daughter had a close relationship, and that any request he were to make that Colleen not discuss it with her mother could potentially lead to another awkward disagreement on their anniversary - and the one they'd had already was certainly one too many!
And so, it was a relatively quiet ride back to town, husband and wife each preoccupied with their own thoughts. It was almost a strange sense of relief when they parted ways.
When Colleen entered the clinic, Michaela looked up from where she was rolling clean bandages and glanced at the clock. "You're back early. I thought you and Andrew planned to take the whole afternoon for your picnic."
Colleen responded while hanging up her shawl. "We meant to, but… Ma, can I ask you something private?"
The query piqued Michaela's curiosity, for Colleen seldom asked about such matters. Since she'd always tried to maintain an open dialogue with her daughter, no matter the topic, Michaela replied neutrally, "What would you like to know?"
"When you and Sully spend time together in the woods, you sometimes do more than talk, don't you?"
Much to Michaela's chagrin, her and Sully's activities in the woods were largely an open secret. Still, it was intriguing that Colleen should be seeking verification on this particular day. "Yes, sometimes," she admitted, setting aside the bandages. "Is this related to why you're back early?"
"I thought Andrew and I could do more than talk on our picnic. A lot more. But Andrew thinks we should only do things like that in private."
Was this really the same young woman who had once been so self-conscious of her body that she'd tried to bind her breasts? Michaela couldn't help but feel proud of Colleen for shedding her old insecurities, becoming comfortable enough to be able to entertain the idea of loving her husband in nature's splendor – as Michaela herself had learned to do. Yet she also felt empathy for Andrew, for she'd once been in his shoes, so to speak.
"I see. Well, sweetheart, you need to remember how Andrew was raised. In Boston, such behavior is inappropriate."
"I know that, but Andrew's changed so much from when he first got here. And you're okay with it. It's even in the Bible."
"The Bible?"
"Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden."
For a second, Michaela wondered if Colleen had been talking to Preston, who had turned to the teachings of the Good Book to turn his life around. But she just as quickly dismissed that idea. Colleen had been hearing Bible stories from a young age, and the early chapters of Genesis were no exception.
"Colleen, just because it's in the Bible, or because Sully and I have agreed to do something, it doesn't mean others will find it acceptable."
Colleen let out a resigned sigh. "I guess I just didn't expect Andrew to be so set against it."
"It seems that you and Andrew were overdue."
"What do you mean, overdue?"
"Everyone disagrees from time to time, Colleen, no matter how well they get along ordinarily. You and Brian have had your share of arguments. And you and I have certainly had our share," she noted. There was no need to cite examples, as they were both well aware of their past troubles. "But you and Andrew – I can't recall the two of you ever disagreeing before."
Hearing Dr. Mike's observation, Colleen realized it was true. She and Andrew had seldom disagreed - and when they had, the dispute was over so quickly it was hardly worth mentioning. Once was when Andrew was promoting the Springs Chateau Health Tonic. Colleen had been alarmed (as had Michaela) at the tonic's substantial alcohol content, but Andrew had defended the elixir's use, and Colleen decided it wasn't worth fighting over, so that was that. The other time they'd been on opposing sides was when she'd suggested eloping in the face of Michaela's reservations about their plan to wed before Colleen was finished with medical school. Andrew had been against eloping, however, so they decided to postpone the wedding instead – though not for long, as it turned out, for Michaela ended up changing her mind and giving her blessing the following day.
So, maybe her mother was right. Maybe she and Andrew were simply overdue for disagreeing about something, and the odds had finally caught up with them. "I suppose we've been lucky. Arguing's not fun."
"No, it's not. So, where do things stand between the two of you? Did you agree to disagree, or is there going to be silence between you at dinner tonight?"
"We agreed to disagree, but things didn't feel the same after that, so I asked Andrew to bring me back to town."
"Well, since you're here, how about helping me finish this?" Michaela asked, indicating the fabric strips on the table.
"Sure."
:
Andrew pulled the buggy up to the Sully homestead. He thought it likely that no one would be here this time of day, giving him a chance to be alone. He felt agitated and conflicted, which wasn't at all how he'd expected to be feeling on his anniversary! During the drive home he'd decided that what he needed was a long soak in the cool creek to calm himself (Colleen having shared with him the family's usual bathing spot). Alas, as he climbed out of the buggy, Sully came out of the barn.
"Hey, Andrew. Thought you and Colleen were off havin' a picnic."
"We were. We did." Andrew preoccupied himself with looking everywhere but at Sully.
"Something happen?"
Andrew was tempted to tell his father-in-law he didn't wish to discuss it. It was highly personal, concerning the man's daughter, for Pete's sake! And frankly, it had been hard enough the first time, when he'd gone to Sully for advice about his wedding night. Still, Sully had been helpful then, and at other times – no more so than when he'd given him encouragement to act on his feelings for Colleen... whom presumably by now had given Michaela an earful.
Why shouldn't he share his side of the story?
Resolved, Andrew let out a deep breath. He was still dealing with Colleen's father after all. He needed to choose his words carefully. "Colleen surprised me today," he said finally. "She- well, she was rather forward on our picnic, initiating affection."
"And that bothered you." It was more statement than question.
"On the contrary. I found it quite stimulating," Andrew admitted.
Good, thought Sully. Andrew had grown up in the same, stifled atmosphere of Bostonian Brahmins that Michaela had, and Sully knew in that privileged world, anything outside the bounds of propriety was cause for alarm. Yet if Colleen's enthusiasm wasn't the issue, it had to be something else. "Then what's the problem?"
"She wanted us to go beyond kissing. I suppose statistically there's little probability that anyone would have seen us, and you and Michaela appear to be comfortable with that sort of thing, but I- I just couldn't go through with it. Colleen rarely asks anything of me, and now when she does…" Andrew shook his head, bemused. "I didn't expect it to be this."
Sully felt a sense of pride that his eldest daughter was finding married life so agreeable that she was confident in expressing herself in such a natural way. Yet clearly, that was still a bridge too far for his son-in-law to cross.
"The Cheyenne say if you're not sure about something, wait it out. Only when you are certain, then you can move forward."
Though the mountain man's advice could often be cryptic, this time Andrew found it straightforward. "You mean if I consider it long enough, I'll be able to convince myself to do it."
"Maybe," Sully replied, thinking of how far Michaela had come in her own journey of sexual expression. "Or you might never change how you feel about it. But either way, Andrew, Colleen'll still love you."
Colleen'll still love you.
The words were just what the doctor ordered, so to speak, acting as a soothing balm for his rattled nerves. He didn't have to change who he was for her - though admittedly he had changed quite a bit already. He'd once believed that a woman who pursued a career wasn't suitable for marriage; however, his growing feelings for a certain aspiring medical student had forced him to reevaluate - and later adjust - that philosophy. By that standard, perhaps it was possible that one day he could change his mind about playacting like Adam and Eve… as farfetched as that seemed at present. Regardless, Colleen had displayed a new side of herself that he was very much looking forward to spending time with tonight…
"Thank you, Sully."
"Any time." He gave a slight smile and nod, then turned to return to the barn.
"Sully… uh, could I help you with the horses? Colleen and I might be moving back here permanently when she's done with school, and I think learning how to take care of them myself would be useful."
Sully took note of the word 'might', but didn't comment on it. He'd just settled the younger man's mind and didn't wish to potentially unsettle it again. Plus, Andrew had just volunteered to learn something new, which he wholeheartedly supported. "Sure. You ever brush a horse before?"
"Uh, no, I haven't."
"Then let's start with that."
Later, after everyone had gone to bed, Michaela and Sully were lying in each other's arms, each remembering a conversation which had been shared in confidence. And Sully held an extra piece of information – Andrew's might. He and Colleen might return to Colorado Springs, or they might not. He didn't want to get Michaela's hopes up, or conversely, get her to fretting that they might leave for good.
But there was one part of the afternoon he could talk about.
"Andrew asked me today if I could teach him about takin' care of the horses."
"He did? I wonder what brought that on… I mean, he's never expressed an interest in that before."
"Said he wanted to learn more about homesteading. Maybe it's from living here with us," Sully hedged, avoiding an outright lie by making it a supposition. "Could be, he sees all of us doin' chores around here and feels like he should be doin' his share."
"Perhaps. Though it's curious that he picked today to ask you." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Michaela realized she shouldn't have opened that line of discussion.
"Why's that?"
"Oh, just that today is their anniversary…" Michaela left the sentence unfinished.
Sully finished it for her. "And we thought they'd be spending the afternoon together."
"Exactly."
Now that they'd stumbled onto what they'd been trying to avoid talking about, Sully asked, "Did Colleen tell you why they came back early?"
"Yes. She and Andrew… well, they had a slight difference of opinion. It was rather personal."
"Andrew told me what happened," he confessed.
"Andrew told you?" Michaela repeated in surprise. "I'd have thought he'd be too embarrassed to discuss something so private."
"I don't think he was planning on sayin' anything, but I saw him when he got back."
"I admit I was rather amazed when Colleen told me what she wanted to do. I didn't realize that we had influenced her so."
Sully chuckled. "Michaela, you've done nothin' but influence her from the day you got here, filling her head with ideas about becoming a doctor."
"Sully, it's not the same. Marital activity…"
"How many times has Colleen watched Katie for us while we were off spending time in the woods? And in a couple more days she'll be doin' it again. She was bound to wonder what that would be like for her and Andrew."
"I suppose," Michaela conceded. "But poor Andrew. I know exactly how he feels, to not be ready for more… unfettered affection."
"But you learned to," he smiled knowingly, leaning in to give her an appreciative kiss.
"Mmm, that's true. So, it's possible one day Andrew might learn to?" she mused aloud.
Sully ran a finger down her cheek to her chin. "Do you really want to keep talking about Colleen an' Andrew?" He matched his lips to hers in another kiss, keeping it short to allow her to reply.
"Talk about who?" she agreed, losing herself in her husband's arms.
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Author's Notes:
-The show made two different references to Michaela's internship. In season 3's "Washington Affair," she tells the children, 'When I was an intern, I saw factory workers poisoned by mercury cyanide.' Then, in season 5's "Before the Dawn," she tells Andrew, 'In Boston, I interned in an asylum. People crowded together, held with restraints, medicated beyond consciousness...' It's entirely possible that she had both experiences. Women back then couldn't be particular about where they gained practical experience (as she explains to Colleen in "The Heart Within").
-The term "Boston Brahmins" refers to the class of wealthy, educated members of Boston society in the nineteenth century. Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. (a Harvard-educated physician who coined the word "anesthesia" in 1846 and who was the father of the famous Supreme Court Justice O.W. Holmes Jr.) came up with the term in 1861, calling Boston's elite families "the Brahmin Caste of New England." Interestingly, Dr. Holmes supported the idea of women studying medicine at Harvard, but his position wasn't shared by his colleagues.
-"The Cheyenne say…" - The real quote is from a Ponca leader, Chief White Eagle (1825-1914): "When you are in doubt, be still and wait. When doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage."