Track 10: Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
Part 1
1:
Alright, so…a journal to keep my thoughts in, huh? I don't actually have to write anything important, just something a week.
Well, mission accomplished.
…
2:
Okay, if I have to write in this thing every week, I might as well use it. Being in Hell has sucked so far, even if I can't say I didn't deserve it. I let power go to my head when I was alive and it got me killed; I let power go to my head after I died, and it got me chained to him. I never realized just how bad it was, having your very soul held in someone else's hands, not until it was too late. My only real hope for freedom was either Alastor getting killed and his souls taken, which could arguably be worse somehow…or Extermination.
Death is better than slavery.
And then that day came. I was hiding with Nifty as Alastor ordered, can't have his 'help' running off and dying, watching E-Day through a phone. I won't lie, knowing how bad some of the bastards down here can be, watching them get torn apart by literal avenging angels was…it felt good. I just wished they would find us, too. And Alastor, oh yes…
(there is a sketch of a microphone snapped in half, yellow fangs sitting in a pool of blood next to a cracked monocle)
This day, though, was different. The Princess of Hell and her bodyguard, waiting near the portal. Part of me is ashamed to admit I thought they'd get killed then and there; 'Hell Royalty' my ass, what the fuck have they ever done to rule this shithole besides some damned theme park? I know they set out the rules (what few there are) and the rings and whatnot, but actually ruling?
No.
Knowing Charlie now, I'm glad that wasn't the case. I scoffed at her trying to send the angels back with some pretty words, the naivety that comes from a safe, privileged upbringing no doubt, and then the big bastard asked that question: "What do you mean 'destroying souls?'"
And then I learned the truth. Not Extermination, not destroying souls, cleansing them, Eradicating the Sin from them and letting them be reborn.
My god, how I just wanted to run out there and flag down the first angel I could see. I know a lot of Sinners who actually did.
But I was chained, literally and figuratively, so all I could do was watch.
And then, something…I guess the only real word for it is 'miraculous' what happened next. The Big Angel, the Lead Eradicator, Adam, The First Man…he agreed to support Charlie's dream. The Hotel of Redemption Alastor had agreed to host for his own reasons, now with Heavenly backing.
It felt like my luck had finally started to turn.
Of course, they almost ruined it. Starting early, pissing off the angels…
Sometimes, I wonder how Charlie could possibly exist in Hell. Bright, positive, optimistic, painfully naive…if she wasn't the Princess of Hell, this place would've ruined her. But then, after that disastrous first day with Pentious, an hour later she came storming back into the lounge, horns out, eyes glowing and laid down the law. Said it didn't matter if we believed in her dream or not, as long as we were there, we had to at least try. Said she believed we had the capacity to change, to be worthy of Heaven, even if we don't, and she'd give us the time and space to try.
Then she marched off, twenty minutes later marched right back in with Pentious following her.
Ooh, you should've seen that snake shrivel under her disappointed look.
Of course, the best part came next. Alastor enjoys the whole 'mysterious, shadowy benefactor' thing a little too much. To see that smile fall, to see shock on that face. Oh, if I thought I'd get away with it, I would've kissed Adam then and there.
Adam…that canny bastard. Turned the Hotel into the Heavenly Embassy and…and stole the hotel right out from under Alastor!
(There is a long period of hysterical laughter)
And he…he could do nothing! Nothing but sit-
(There is more laughter)
-and sputter!
Ooh, oh that was the one of best things I've seen since I got to Hell.
…Wait, this thing does voice recordings, too?
Huh. Neat.
Besides that, great as it was…the best thing was, as soon as I stepped outside. Grass, trees, fresh air…you don't really recognize just how sour Hell smells after a while. And then…the moon. It might just be a projection, but…I forgot just how gorgeous it was. How I used to sit on top of the casino with a cigar, whisky, and a little food and just…stare at it.
And the next day…the sun rose. For the first time in so long, I got to feel the light of the sun on my fur.
I don't know if Charlie's dream will work. But so far? It's been completely worth it.
…
Entry 3:
I thought it was a little childish at first, playing games and then drawing and talking about our feelings and whatnot, but I have to admit it's relaxing and even a little fun. I think I'm actually starting to get along with these people.
Angel Dust isn't exactly my preference, less so with all the innuendo he throws around, though I don't mind the attention. Pentious is actually alright, he has a lot of ideas and babbles a bit, but I've always preferred to listen. Nifty…well, she's actually far calmer than she used to be; she doesn't always make sense and can get a little stabby, but give her something to do and it's like wrangling a puppy.
Alastor…well, fuck Alastor.
Vaggie's nice, though more than a little intense. You'd think with all the sex she's been having with Charlie she'd be a bit easier-going, I can smell it whenever the two go at it (and it's often), but no, that Angelic Spear is stored right up her ass.
Speaking of, isn't that a bit hypocritical? Charlie's whole thing, even after shedding most of that naivety, is about saving Sinners…but her girlfriend's running around with a weapon that Eradicates them! Every Sinner she killed during the Turf War didn't respawn! I've seen how the Princess winces every time E-Day gets brought up, even knowing the truth, it feels like this should've been brought up earlier!
Whatever. Not my problem.
Ironically, Charlie's actually the hardest to get along with. Not for anything bad, she's just…peppy. High energy. When she talks to someone, she expects them to reply and I…just can't be bothered, most times.
Adam, though…let me tell you about the First Man. My drinking buddy.
…
Husk and Nifty had just finished another run through the maze, and it was indeed a run, seeing how the hedges had started to collapse on each other as they went. The bartender was carrying the maid under his arm, breathing heavily as the latter giggled, carelessly yanking on the twigs that had been caught in his wings. As expected, there were the usual lounges and the table with snacks and a game, and again as usual Adam was on the losing side.
What was less usual was that Adam appeared to have gotten very fat in the hour and a half since they'd last seen him, the front of his robe distended quite a bit. The Man himself had his eyes closed, not even opening them to look at the new arrivals.
"Uh, Adam…" Husk started, only to be interrupted by a loud pop as two more Sinners completed the maze.
Angel Dust and Pentious collided with the bartender's back, making them all stumble around like a bunch of idiots before regaining their balance. "Well, I was not expecting to almost star in some tentacle porn today," the pornstar said, looking over at Adam, his bulging robe and the empty lounge across from him, "Sooo, Adam, did you vore Charlie?" He nodded approvingly. "Kinky."
Pentious slapped Angel on the arm. "Don't kinkshame! You of all people," he hissed, before turning a smile on the First Man, "I, for one, am glad you're exploring your sexual desires, Sir Adam! It is important to know these things about yourself…the book I read said that, at least."
Husk rolled his eyes. Of course a snake wouldn't find a problem with vore.
"I don't know what vore is, and I don't want to," Adam replied calmly, still not opening his eyes, "But that's not what-"
His robe bulged, writhed and then Charlie's head popped out of his collar with a bright smile. "Hi guys!" She greeted them cheerfully, "I don't know what vore is either, but Adam's robe is suuuuper comfortable! I can see why he wears this all the time! It's like a hug you can wear!" And then her head disappeared back down into his collar.
The Sinners traded looks. They'd noticed the Princess had gotten a bit…touchy when it came to the First Man. She was already touchy by nature, but they would have to be blind not to notice how often Charlie would reach over and touch Adam's arm, hold his hand or even straight up hug him; and that was during their events, too, The Happy Few didn't spend all day together. Husk blinked, looking down to realize the maid had slipped out from under his arm at some point.
"Oh wow, so spacious!" Nifty's voice came from within Adam's robe. Adam's expression did not change.
"Hey Nifty! I know, right? And it's so comfortable, too-hey!" Adam jerked slightly, eye twitching, "Don't touch that, that's…private. Here, have this instead."
Crunch, crunch.
Angel, Husk and Pentious looked at the First Man, eyebrows (where applicable) raised.
"Oops, Nifty got crumbs on Clean One…" There was a loud gasp, "Nifty made Clean Unclean!"
"There, I cleaned it, no need to worry!" There was an uneasy chuckle from under the robe. As the other Sinners sat down on the lounge across from Adam, Charlie's arm extended from his collar, holding a sandwich made of graham cracker, chocolate and marshmallow up to his face, "Adam, want a s'more? Adam?" She poked his cheek, "Adam? S'more, Adam?" She poked his cheek again, smearing it with a bit of melted chocolate. The First Man turned his head slightly and grabbed the treat with his teeth, eating it with a blank expression.
Charlie's hand withdrew, the Princess and the maid giggling under Adam's robe.
"Alright, what the fuck's happening here, and can I get in on it?" Angel Dust asked honestly, a half-eaten biscotti in one hand.
"No boys allowed!" Charlie and Nifty chanted, and giggled again.
Husk looked down at the game of chess, his eyes mapping out the possible plays. It appeared to have been a close game, but Charlie had definitely won in the end. "So, how do you keep losing?" He asked, uncapping his flask and taking a sip.
"Fuck if I know, man," Adam sighed, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, "But I have accepted my loss with all the grace and dignity I can muster," he shot Husk a grateful look as the bartender offered his flask, toasting him with it before taking a drink, "I ain't no bitch."
"Well, if we're waiting for the last pair, then perhaps you and I can play a game of chess, Sir Adam?" Pentious offered, hands already resetting the board, "It's been a while since I've played with a set that hasn't been in someone. If you don't mind-"
There was another pop as the final pair, Alastor and Vaggie, appeared. The fallen was gritting her teeth, fists clenched on the verge of violence, while the Radio Demon was, naturally, smiling.
"-ruining my fun," the snake sinner sighed, rolling his multiple eyes, "Fffffucking Alastor."
"Nah, board's already set," Adam replied, reaching down to move a pawn, Pentious perking up as he placed his own pawn in return, "Looks like y'all made it through Death Maze 1.0 in decent time, guess we should ramp up-"
"-Where's Charlie?" Vaggie bit out, her eye going wide as Charlie's head popped out of Adam's collar again. "…Babe, what are you doing?"
"Hi guys!" She said brightly, "You all made it through the maze in decent time, good job! I…" She trailed off, narrowing her eyes on the chocolate smudge on Adam's cheek, "Wait, hold on, you've got a little something-"
She'd just licked her thumb to wipe it away when Nifty pushed her head down on the climb up. "Must clean!" The maid cheered, pulling a small bottle and a rag from her apron, giving Adam's cheek two squirts and wiping the chocolate away with a beaming smile. And then she gave it a li'l kiss.
"If there's a circus in that tent of yours, chum, perhaps you should invite everyone?" Alastor offered with a chuckle, pulling a spare chair and sitting down on it with a leg kicked over the other.
Adam merely sighed and moved one of his knights. "I've said my robe is one of the most comfortable fuckin' things in existence and I meant it. Anyone else tries to get under it, and I will light myself on fire with Holy Flames. There is not a party in my pants, and none of you are invited." He squinted an eye shut as Charlie pushed her head out next to his, squishing their cheeks together.
"It really is so comfortable! I want one," she said, looking at Adam, "In a more flattering cut, though."
"No," he replied, letting Pentious take a rook as he moved a pawn down the board.
"Please?" Charlie pleaded, making her eyes large and watery.
Pentious hissed as Adam took a bishop, then whooped as he took the First Man's queen in response. "I am perhaps now seeing why you lost, Sir Adam," the sinner crowed, motioning to the board where his pieces were dominating.
"Make one for yourself," Adam answered, using a bishop to take a rook, grinning slightly as Pentious used his remaining tower to take the priest. He moved the pawn he'd been steadily working across the board to the back line. "Queen me." Pentious sucked his teeth and did so. "Checkmate, fuckface." The amount of pieces that inventor had now worked against him, as he couldn't move his king to avoid the new queen at all.
"Oooh, nice moves, Adam!" Charlie chimed in, looking completely comfortable being cheek-to-cheek with him, "See, if you'd tried that on me, maybe you wouldn't have lost so bad!"
"Babe…" Vaggie sighed, rubbing her eye patch, "Can you get out from under there?"
She shrugged, nudging Adam's chin with her shoulder, "If I have to, but there's something I gotta blow first." Then she ducked back into his robe. Adam jumped, eyes going wide for a second. "No Nifty, that's not what I meant! I meant 'blow this out' not…the other thing." A puff of smoke emerged from his collar, and a second later Charlie rolled out from under his robes holding Nifty under one arm and the fixings for s'mores under the other.
"Sometimes, the trail of logic you have baffles me," Husk commented, giving a sulking Pentious a sip from his flask, "If there is any logic there."
"Can't camp out under a tent without s'mores," Adam answered completely seriously, and Charlie nodded in agreement. Vaggie simply face-palmed as Alastor chuckled.
"Alright, everyone!" She announced, clapping her hands, "Congrats on making it through the new maze on time! The bonds of trust you've built are being put to the test and have come out stronger for it! Don't worry, the next maze will strengthen them even further!" Charlie said with a cheery wink, "And now, we draw!" She clapped her hands again and they were all transported to the library, where the usual table with the usual materials was waiting.
As they settled into their usual seats at the round table, Charlie at the 'head' with the crayons, Vaggie to her left, Angel Dust to her left, Pentious to his left, Nifty to his left, Alastor to her left, Husk to his left, and Adam to Charlie's right.
"So what's it gonna be this time? Favorite food? Favorite position? Or maybe-" Angel started.
"-Favorite person," Charlie interrupted brightly, "I don't mean lover, maybe a sibling or a best friend, whichever you think of first." She snapped her fingers and a floating tray filled with snacks appeared, circling the edge of the table as soft classical music echoed from a nearby radio.
The Happy Few bent their heads, quietly drawing and occasionally snacking in comfortable almost-silence…Except for Pentious, who had started a picture, hissed to himself and scribbled it out about five times in the space of thirty minutes, to the point that Adam was fixing him with an almost concerned look. The snake sinner only really calmed down when Dazzle approached from his sleeping spot and laid his head in Pentious' lap.
"Okay, I'll go first!" Charlie announced after an hour, holding up her drawing to show the room. It showed the Happy Hotel (the sign had a smiley face) and all of them standing on the grass, holding hands with a rainbow over them all. It didn't escape their notice that the drawing of Charlie was holding the drawings of Vaggie and Adam's hands, or that those three were the most detailed…as detailed as crayon could be. "You are all my favorite people!" She cheered, her expression becoming a little sheepish, "I mean, some are more favorite than others, but still!" She smiled at Vaggie, then turned to the others.
"I say, I can't help but notice that the dear ol' King and Queen aren't in the picture," Alastor pointed out with a chuckle.
Charlie frowned at the Radio demon. "Well yeah, people who's best friends are their parents are weirdos," she said simply, "They're important to me, obviously, but all of you are more important."
"Aww, love you too, Princess!" Angel called with a grin, nudging Pentious with an elbow as the snake sinner was ducking his head and blushing.
The Princess turned to Adam, who was giving her an amused smirk, and smiled. "Do you want to go first, Adam?" She asked, tilting her head to look down at his page which had several half-drawn faces on it, "Seems like you've got quite a selection! Ooh, is that Miss Lute?"
"Yeah, but she's the wrong one for this," he muttered, idly scratching his chin, "Skip me for now, I don't have one yet."
"Hard to pick when you don't really have friends?" Vaggie teased, smirking as he flipped her off without looking up from the paper.
"Must be nice," Angel Dust commented, leaning on one hand, drawing with two and feeding himself red rope candy with the fourth, "Not being able to pick, I mean. Being able to spend time in Heaven, in Paradise with your whole family and whatnot…" The pornstar shivered slightly as the atmosphere seemed to darken, glancing up to find Adam giving him a flat, blank stare. The Sinners drew away slightly as his eyes seemed to glow in the dimming light, and even Nifty looked uneasy.
The pencil the First Man was using to draw disintegrated in his clenched fist and he pushed himself away from the table, knuckles white. "…I think I won't participate today," he said icily, and stalked off without another word.
Charlie watched him go, mouth open in surprise, fruitlessly reaching out for him. She struggled to stay in her seat, sighing as Adam's golden wings vanished around a corner. She turned back to the pornstar with a thunderous frown. "Angel!"
Angel raised his hands. "What?! I wasn't sayin' that as a gotcha or anything, I meant it! It's gotta be nice, right?" He looked around the table for support.
The fallen shrugged. "Some people are just sensitive, I guess," she replied blandly.
"You guys-!" Charlie huffed and pinched the bridge of her nose. The classical music abruptly ended, and a second later a mournful guitar piece started to play from further in the library. The Princess sighed softly, sadly. "…You don't know. I'm telling you so we avoid this in the future, do not bring up his family unless he does." She shot them all a fierce look, the expression almost alien on her ironically cherubic features, "I mean it."
"Babe, what is it?" Vaggie probed, reaching out to lay her hand on Charlie's arm, "Something da-"
"Don't ask," Charlie said shortly, "I won't share anyone's secrets." She shot a meaningful look at her girlfriend, who paled and withdrew. "Alright…Husk, want to share?" She asked, searching for anything to fill the awkward silence.
The bartender blinked, looking down at his picture. "…Sure," he flipped it around to show them a man, pale-skinned and red-haired with a scruffy beard and large ears, deep bags under his eyes and a tattered olive-green coat. The features had been exaggerated a bit, Husk wasn't certain he could draw a realistic-looking person, so the figure on the page somewhat resembled a depressed, balding chimpanzee in a jacket, "This is…was Damon. We grew up together at Whitmore's Orphanage, brothers, practically. Shared the same birthday, the same room and everything, even left at the same time. He felt a higher calling than fleecing morons, though, and there was a war going on. Lied about his age, signed up and got sent off to the jungle."
In the background, the opening notes of 'Welcome to the Jungle' sang out from Adam's guitar.
Husk chuckled faintly, sipping from his flask. "Sent me letters, too, talking about how much food they were getting, the training and learning how to use guns, becoming warriors to beat back those dirty commies or whatever it was. Then, one last letter before he deployed," he shrugged, "Then, I didn't hear from him for six, seven years, maybe? Found him on the street corner, begging for food and missing a leg. War was over, and it seemed like nobody won, especially the soldiers. I was in a good place at the time, just been promoted to Manager of the casino, rolling in cash. So I brought him to live with me, cleaned him up, gave him an apartment, got him a metal leg and a job."
"…What happened to him?" Angel asked softly, giving Husk a small sympathetic smile.
The bartender took another pull. "Things seemed to be going alright, for a while at least. Being a janitor isn't rewarding, but he got paid, started pulling his life together piece by piece…but some days, I'd find him sitting in the dark, drinking and staring at a candle…he hated fire. And loud, sudden noises, like fireworks. It was Vegas, too. We had fireworks going off fairly often, but…when I asked him about it, told him he could move somewhere quieter, maybe I could find him another job in a different state, he told me…he was punishing himself. So that he never f-forgot…" Husk looked up and tried not to double-take, seeing Adam leaning against a bookcase, giving the bartender an understanding look, still strumming that same mournful tune, "So that he never forgot what happened. I don't know what they did, but…I'd look at him, sometimes, and his eyes were…blank. He was right next to me…but Damon never really left that jungle. Not all of him."
"…That really sucks, Husk," Vaggie added hoarsely, staring down at her own picture. Charlie gently took her hand, the fallen smiling up at her girlfriend.
"Yeah," Husk replied, sighing, "Things seemed to be going alright, but one day…dumb bastard drank himself to death, on my dime, too!" He chuckled humorlessly, "Guess in the end, the jungle took the rest of him. Buried him right next to Mrs. Whitmore. That's…all I've got. I'm…done."
Charlie smiled at the bartender, her eyes watery. "Thank you for sharing Husk, it means a lot that you'd talk about this…and I'm really sorry for what happened to your friend."
"Quite the character, your Damon was," Alastor chipped in, "Say, did you ever see him again down here?"
"No, and I didn't look."
Angel let the statement sit for a while, then smirked saucily. "Sooo…just a friend, eh? Sure there wasn't-"
"No," Husk nearly growled, shooting the pornstar a dark look, "We're having a moment here, don't ruin it. Damon was a friend, my best friend, my brother in almost every way that counted."
The spider demon held up his hands. "Sorry, sorry, just tryin' to lighten the mood a bit, sheesh."
"Really not the time for it," Charlie rebuked, though softly, "I appreciate the thought, though. Alastor, are you ready?"
"Not quite, no," the former hotel owner shook his head, "But it'll be quite the scoop when I'm done, you'll see."
"Angel, then," the Princess looked at the pornstar, "Are you ready?"
Angel tilted his head and added a little swish of color to his drawing and nodded. "Yeah, alright. This is," he held up the paper, showing what looked like a female version of himself, fur and all, but with four legs instead of arms, "Molly. My dear sweet sis."
"Oh, she's down here, too?" Husk asked sympathetically. Adam squinted at the drawing, his lips pursing.
"Oh sweet Jesus I hope not," Angel shuddered theatrically at the thought, "Out of the two of us, she definitely deserved to go someplace better. She was sweet, kind, always saw the best in people…she was kinda like you, Charlie," he said with a wry smirk, "Which doesn't actually make me feel all that better about her chances. I've never seen her down here, this is just what I imagine she would like as a Sinner…mostly, though, because I've…forgotten what she looks like." He sniffed, stroking the page. "Christ. I was shit brother then, and a shit brother now."
Adam stood up from the bookcase, his guitar dissipating into motes of light as he strode across the room, pushed open a window and stepped out, his robes snapping as he plummeted out of sight.
"…Didn't think my drawing was that bad," Angel muttered, rubbing his cheek as the window swung closed with a click.
…
Light cascaded over Adam's form as he emerged into the Light of Heaven, several miles away from the Pearly Gates. His wings flapped and he soared, the Golden City growing large in his sight. He glanced down as he passed over the bridge, seeing Saint Peter welcoming new Winners at the Gates, the Saint looking up and waving excitedly at the First Man. Adam snapped his wings, firing out small balls of golden light that erupted into showers of sparks and shapes. He ignored the cheers and noises of wonderment from down below.
"Alright, where the fuck is it," he murmured, eyes searching the City beneath, "Should be a bit away from Emily's- there." He tucked his wings and dove, the wind whipping at his hair before he flared them out, skidding along the ground for a stretch before transitioning to a walk with barely a stutter. He had to bend down to look at the various bakeries, most having been built for the human standard of five to six feet of height, not the Pillar of Manhood that was Adam. "No, fuck. No, fuck. No- yes!"
Two women inside of the bakery looked up as Adam tried to step inside, only to clonk his head against the top of the door frame. They giggled as he shrunk down and pushed inside, shaking his head. "Welcome to- Sir Angel!" One of the women, slightly younger looking than the other with Italian features, made to welcome him and gasped, recognizing his face, "I thought you'd forgotten about me! Sara, this is the angel I told you about!"
"He's even better-looking up close, Molly," the other woman practically purred, a smile on her dimpled olive cheeks, then her eyes went wide as she saw the symbol on the front of his robe, "Wait, that's not just an angel-"
"Ladies, pleasure to see you," Adam greeted them with the Patented Panty-Dropping Smolder, making them both blush and giggle, "Sorry I've been too busy to visit before, but I remembered your specialty, Molly. Would you mind throwing together a baker's dozen of those for me?"
"No problem, Adam!" Molly proudly saluted him before bursting into giggles as she hurried to fulfill his order, expertly spreading icing on perfectly warm cupcakes and frosting the designs with a steady hand.
Sara had already built a box for the treats and was leaning against the counter, eyeing the First Man with interest plain her lovely brown eyes. "So, Adam, can I call you that?" She started.
"I prefer it, actually," he replied, giving her an easy smile, "What can I do for you?"
"Well, I was just wondering what you've been doing," she asked shyly, tentatively reaching out to lay her hand on his and brightening as he took it, rubbing her knuckles gently, "Everyone knows about the concert coming up, but I haven't seen you flying around or at any of the eateries…Is everything okay?"
Adam kissed her knuckles, making the woman restrain a squeal. "Thank you for asking, sweetheart," he said, "But I'm fine. Just working on a new project that's taking up my time."
"Whew, that's good," Molly chimed in, carefully setting the completed cupcakes into the box, "We've been missing you! Not that…we really…know you, or anything, but…Heaven doesn't quite feel the same without you in it."
"What she said," Sara nodded, boxing up the treats and handing the box to Adam, who tucked the whole thing into his sleeve somehow.
"Thank you ladies," the First Man gave them a short bow and checked his time, "Now, I've got a little less than an hour before I have to go, so…is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?" Even after a few decades, most Winners couldn't do more than the basics when it came to Creating things.
The two women traded looks, their faces flushing. "W-well, there are…a few things," Sara started, peering up at him through her eyelashes, "Could we get a picture, please? It's not everyday Adam, the First Man, the-"
"The Dickmaster!" Molly cheered, though her gaze was lidded as she bit her lip.
"-Comes through the door," Sara finished, playing with the strings of her apron.
Adam glanced between the two, a knowing smirk on his lips. "I'm guessing a selfie, right?" He gestured for them to join him, and the two ladies bracketed him as he pulled his halo off and held it out. "I'll take a couple and you can pick which you like best. Say cheese!"
The two women smushed their cheeks to his, grinning as they hugged him from each side. "Cheese!" There was a clicking sound.
"Next one!"
This time, the women turned towards Adam and kissed his cheeks. The next snap and Molly had tugged his face around so she could kiss him full on the lips, swiftly followed by Sara. "You know, the whole 'Dickmaster' thing," the woman who also happened to be Angel Dust's sister murmured into his ear, "Sara doesn't believe it-"
"Fuck you!" The other woman giggled, peppering his neck with kisses. Both had given up on subtlety, now openly stroking their hands up and down his torso.
"-Maybe you can prove her wrong?" Molly finished, licking the shell of his ear.
Adam chuckled, a low, rumbling sound that made them both gasp in anticipation. "Nothing better than literally Heavenly women who know what they want," he said to himself, checking the time again, "Still on a timeline, so let me get down brass tacks. How many orgasms do you think you can handle in fifty minutes? Six or seven?"
Sara looked at Molly, both of the bakers flushed with arousal. "I-I mean, if we've got to split them, then evenly, I guess?" She shrugged.
The First Man gently grasped her by the chin and pulled her in, his large hand trailing down her back, finding and pressing on tender spots that had her gasping into his mouth before cupping her rear. "I didn't mean to split," he whispered, plundering a willful Molly's maw with a skilled tongue, his fingers massaging her soft inner thigh, "I meant each."
Molly, panting for breath, looked to Sara who was about the same. Then, as one, they lunged at Adam.
…
"-And that is what I mean when I say, nothing builds bonds like flesh and bone!" Alastor had just finished making his presentation on a tall, shapely woman in a red dress as Adam stepped through the portal, freshly cleaned with a snap of his fingers. "Ah, just in time, my good man! Allow me to repeat-"
"-No, Alastor, that was good and meaningful and…y'know," Charlie waved the Radio demon off, turning to look at Adam with a soft smile, "Welcome back, Adam. Are you…feeling better?"
"Yup," he removed the pink box from his sleeve and flicked it open, grabbing a pig-shaped cupcake before sliding the container into the middle of the table, flopping down in his chair and kicking his feet up.
"Ooh, what could be…" Angel's sultry smile and likely innuendo faded as he looked into the box and saw what was within, shakily reaching in to withdraw a cupcake that looked just like Fat Nuggets. "This is…is this-?" He looked to Adam with a painful sort of hope in his mismatched eyes.
Adam said nothing as he ate a bite.
Angel chuckled and sniffled, his eyes filling with tears. "…Go sis," he murmured with a fond, pained smile.
"Ah, it smells Heavenly!" Pentious said, taking one for himself and tasting it, "Tastes like it, too!"
Vaggie looked over at the crying and smiling pornstar, then back at Adam. "…You're a real bastard, you know that?" She said faintly.
Adam gave her an expressionless look. "Can't be," he said simply, "I don't have parents. You should probably snag one before they get snatched up."
She scowled at him and left her seat to reach the other end of the table.
Charlie reached out and grabbed Adam's free hand, almost interlacing their fingers instinctively. "…Let me guess, you just wanted a cupcake?" She said with a soft, knowing smirk.
"Yup," Adam drawled, "Right on the fuckin' money. And it's Heaven, so they always make more than you need, so I figured wasting food-"
"-Might not be a Sin, but it should be," the Princess of Hell finished, giving the First Man a fond look, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, "Whatever excuse you need…thank you, Adam. This is really nice of you."
He let his head rest on his shoulder, giving her a lazy smirk and a wink. "You haven't tried one yet," he replied, one of the cupcakes floating from the box and landing on a summoned plate before her, giving her hand a brief squeeze and letting go. "What'd I miss?"
"Well, Alastor told us about his…friend, Rosie," Charlie started, carefully peeling the wrapper away, "Apparently he murdered her husband for some reason, and they both ate him to hide the evidence and have been friends ever since. Pentious…well, he didn't go because he didn't have any friends and apparently his Egg Boiz don't count for 'reasons.'" She bit into the treat and her eyes went wide, "Omigod this is so good!"
Vaggie, who had been walking back with two cupcakes, scowled as she saw her girlfriend already eating one. She set the second one in front of Nifty and sat down with a quiet growl.
Charlie turned wide, sparkling eyes on Adam. "…You eat these everyday?" She asked with an odd mix of envy and sadness.
"Fuck no," he grunted in reply, "Treating yourself everyday is good way to make a treat a trial." He shrugged, "And of course Pentious didn't have any human friends, his best friend was his bird."
"Awww…" The snake sinner slumped in his seat, "Even Sir Adam thinks I'm lame…"
Adam flicked a cracker at the inventor's head, nearly knocking his hat off. "That's not what I fuckin' meant, shitheel," he rebuked, "Geniuses have always had a hard time connecting emotionally to other people, it's a common problem. In that regard, you ain't special."
"…Oh," that actually seemed to perk Pentious up a bit.
"And Vaggie shared hers-" Charlie started.
"Yeah, but her 'important person' was Charlie," Husk interrupted, using a claw to carefully carve small slices from his cupcake, savoring each morsel, "Which is, frankly, bullshit."
"Go the Hell," Vaggie muttered resentfully, "All I remember is my grandma giving me Chili Bean, everyone else I've ever known was shit. Fuck you."
"-Yeah," the Princess finished awkwardly, turning back to Adam, "All that's left is Nifty."
The First Man hummed and sat up, pulling his discarded page towards him. "Sister, you're up."
The maid looked up from her treat that she'd been carefully dividing into neat little sections, a wide smile on her face. "Oh, Nifty's been waiting! Lookit this, Clean One!" Her drawing, if it could be called that, almost resembled a person in the way her drawing of her pet cat had almost resembled a cat; with bold, sharp lines, odd proportions and large, shiny eyes. "This one was hard for Nifty to remember, but Nifty did! It's…my sister."
Every eye around the table turned to the cyclopean demon. "You…have a sister?" It was Alastor to ask the question first, surprisingly, and even he was nibbling on a cupcake.
"Had," Nifty corrected factually, "She's probably dead. There was a big thing going on when we were young and we got moved to some kinda camp with a bunch of other people who looked like us. We had to stay there for years, just me and Himeko, and then after the thing was over they let us go. Himeko went back to where we came from while I stayed, and I never saw her again. She sent letters, but I couldn't read the words."
The table descended into awkward silence. "Nifty," Adam said softly, making the maid look up at him, "What was your name before, when you were alive?"
Angel Dust, Pentious and Husk gasped. "Adam, you can't just ask that!" The pornstar hissed.
"Nanako Yamashita," Nifty replied, the usual manic light gone from her eye as she met Adam's gaze, a slight, sad smile on her lips, "But I changed it to Nancy Roberts when I got married."
The First Man nodded understandingly, tapping his finger against the table. The restraints keeping the maid in her booster seat came undone, and she gathered her dissected treat, walked underneath the table and crawled into Adam's lap, leaning her head against his chest.
"…Alright, everyone, I guess that's it-" Charlie started, only for Adam to clear his throat, "Yes?"
He flicked the paper he'd begun drawing on again to her. It depicted two people standing behind railings with the silhouettes of others around them, throwing up the Horns and cheering at a stage. It wasn't as detailed as his other drawings, but the images were clear. "That's Gabriel, Archangel of Music and more importantly, my bro," Adam said, the Princess smiling as she looked at him, "Not obviously just music, the responsibilities of Archangels are varied, but he'd sure as shit say Music is the most important. Obviously, Music is important to me, too."
"Why is that, actually?" Husk asked, setting his chin in his hands, obviously expecting and welcoming a lecture, "I'll admit, I'm curious as to why you love music so much. Not that I don't agree."
Adam sighed and leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers over his stomach and Nifty, the tiny maid not spilling any of her treat. "Way back when, back after we were banished, I invented the spear for hunting," he started, "Now, not a bad weapon for hunting, not at all. Long enough to ward off smaller creatures without harming them, bleed bigger ones without getting gored, plant it to let a charging animal impale themselves and, of course, for throwing. Eve, though, she invented the bow for home defense. See, her thought process was, build walls with spaces carved in-between the logs, then if we got attacked she could seal herself inside and shoot them through the gaps. Later on, when they built those into castle walls they'd be called 'murderholes' but that's not relevant."
"Are you getting to the part that is?" Vaggie asked boredly, then flinched as Angel Dust pelted her with an apple slice. "Ow! Fuck off!"
"Babe, we're pretty much done, you don't have to stay," Charlie muttered, though her eyes were also fixed on Adam as he spoke.
"Thing is, the bow was way better for hunting and the spear was way better for home defense than the other way around," he continued, a fond, nostalgic smile on his lips, "We had, completely on accident, made the perfect gifts for each other. Obviously, she still kept a bow around home and I took a spear with me, but still. One day, though, I'd been tracking a…caribou, though that wasn't really what it was, for most of a day, but I'd lost the bastard. I was sitting by a brook, soaking my feet, and randomly, I started plucking the string. I realized at different points along the string, the sound it made was different, and it was like a firework going off in my head. I could make music."
He summoned a recurve bow, a plain thing of simple wood and sinew, and let his fingers dance across the string. The tune was simple, earthy almost, that seemed to echo along with the beat of their hearts. Husk jumped, some sort of emotion congealing into a knot in his chest, and he had to choke back a sudden lump in his throat. He wasn't the only one.
"Eve made the first instrument, again on accident," Adam smiled warmly, stroking the grain of the wood like a lovers' cheek, "She was perfect like that. Me, though? I made the first song, and I made it for her. Not The First Song, no one can claim that. But the first human song, composed for my wife…my proudest accomplishment." He dismissed the bow and fell silent, running his hands through Nifty's hair as the maid leaned against him.
Charlie gave Adam another fond look and a tender smile. "Thank you for sharing, Adam, I appreciate you coming back for this," she said softly, her hand twitching like she wanted to hold his…again. "Though I do have a question…who's the lady?" She tapped his picture and the obviously middle-aged but still attractive woman next to Gabriel.
"Oh, that's Margaret, my Tour Wife," he replied simply.
"…Your what?" Angel Dust spoke up.
"Tour Wife," Adam answered, "Margie's husband doesn't like rock, but didn't stop her from following bands on tour. We met while some guys were harassing her, back in… '72, I think, told them I was her husband and made them go away. She stuck with me, we hung out, had a lot of fun- not that kind of fun -and decided to meet up again next time. Next tour, we met up again and she called me her 'Tour Husband' and it stuck, and we've been touring together ever since."
"Oh…" Charlie muttered, "That's…actually a lot sweeter than I thought it was going to be."
The First Man smirked dryly. "Yeah, I don't fuck married women." He stood up from his chair and sighed, tucking Nifty under his arm like either a very calm cat or some luggage, "Welp, I'm going to do the kick-ass thing to do, which is rock out with my cock out!" He thrust his free hand into the air, throwing up the horns, "I'm gonna hang out with my wang out! I am gonna…go watch shitty TV until I get bored or pass out. Probably both, and in that order. Later, losers." He gave them a small salute and strode off.
Vaggie crossed her arms. "Sometimes I start to think he's actually opening up, and then-" There was a shuffle as Pentious pushed his chair back and slithered after Adam, "-he does that shit."
"He's masking, babe," Charlie replied, summoning a book to her hand with the title Psychological Terms and Definitions for the Mentally Deficient, "I read about it in this book. Adam's opened up, made himself vulnerable and he's not used to it, so he's 'shoring his defenses to make himself seem less vulnerable by reverting to a previous persona.'" She read from the pages. "Basically-"
Husk ignored whatever they were saying as he left the library. Watching some shitty TV after a sharing circle like that sounded just about his speed. Plus, he was feeling like mojitos and his recipe could use testing.
…
As much as he (and others) say how much they like hearing me talk, I enjoy listening to Adam. He has this…certainty to his words, a sort of rock-solid confidence that's almost comforting. Listening to him talk about music made me think of my own time in a band. I could slap a bass, tap out a time on the drums, trumpet a tune, even sang once in a while…but the sax. Oh the sax. It gives me an idea.
I just hope Adam will be up for it.
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A/N: And here we begin the first of the deep dives into the characters, starting with Husk. This is part one of his chapter, and funnily enough there wasn't supposed to be a part two, but I just let Keith David's voice talk in my head and…well, here we are. I don't know if Husk has an official backstory or not, so I made one up.
If you're remotely knowledgeable about history, you can probably guess what war in the jungle Husk was referring to, and most likely the kinda camp Nifty was in with her sister. I won't give too many details, simply to streamline all of it without having to draw a fuckin' spiderweb of timelines and whatever on my walls.
I already look crazy enough as it is.
You got it all in this chapter, folks; fluff, relationship building, sad backstories, funny moments and even a few hints of romance coming along. And yet, there's still more to come.
Speaking of coming…why the fuck is 'Molly' a spider demon…in Heaven? Actually, why are there so many 'creatures' at all? I mean, I can believe Furries go to Hell where they belong, but Heaven? I mean, sure I can believe that you'd be able to be your true self, but…furries?
why
I'm a little tired today, so no long note from me. Chapters 11, 12 and 13 are already finished, and there's more on the way. Gotta say, it's a bit weird having a backlog, because I'm like…way ahead of y'all and coming back to re-read these is like stepping back in time from my POV. It's not bad, I just almost forgot to post this because I thought I already did.
Just like I keep doing with my Persona 5 story.
Big thanks to NSG as always! Read his shit! It's good!
Big thanks to discord people! Woo! My discord and FMC!
Big thanks to you! If you enjoyed it, do all the usual shit, comment and whatnot!
Stay Awesome!
~Soleneus
P.S.: …I said it wasn't gonna be a long note today, why are you down here? Unless you're looking for the 'Next Chapter' button, but that won't be there until next week.
Stay Awesome Some More.
~still Soleneus