Thursday, August 8th, 2019:

Hello, diary. Trace told me to come here and write shit. I dunno why, but I've got nothing better to do tonight. So, what to write? Uhh, school started up I guess. Well, that was last week. I hate that we start so damn early. Well, this is shit. I don't know why she told me to do this.

Wednesday, August 14th, 2019:

She told me to give it a second try. I had to ask her what I had to do in a diary, she said I could just write about whatever I wanted. Yea, I've still got nothing. School sucks, but that's common knowledge. I really don't want to hear Tracy's arguing about me not doing this shit. Sorry, I've got nothing.

Tuesday, September 10th, 2019:

Well, here we are once more. Why? She found out I was writing buck shit in this thing. I was trying to keep it a secret. She just doesn't understand the fact I have nothing to write about in this thing. I just don't understand the need for a diary period. But, she told me some basic things people write in diaries, so I'll try them I guess. Rumors...Are there any rumors going around in school. Well, not many new ones. Most of them come back from last year, like Paula hoeing it up on the weekend. There is one that is about a new kid coming in. If that's true, I hope this new kid isn't like everyone else in school, AKA douchebags. People are already claiming that this kid is different, which is a good sign, I hope. I hope the kid isn't just some sick psychopath. I don't know what difference they're talking about. The way they were wording it, they were making it seem like the kid would get judged for it. Hey, I actually wrote something in here. Damn it, I hate that Tracy was right. I do feel better, not that I was feeling bad of course, but yeah. I don't have much else for today, buh-bye.

Friday, September 13th, 2019:

The rumors were right. There is a new kid, he joined the school today. He definitely seems odd though. Not odd in like a bad way, but odd in...yeah, in a bad way. He just seems outlandish. Apparently, he's from an island or some shit and didn't have much technology. I don't know why someone like him would move to a place like this. Ultimatum is a thriving city, filled with people. Though, I can't really call them all people. There are birds...dogs...you get the point. It's very advanced. I'm sure it's tough to go from a rural island to an urban city. Other than that, he seems fine. He has some odd-looking blonde hair. It kinda swoops up, almost doing a loop. He's also pretty pale, but I am too so I can't say shit. He's pretty thin, not like thin-thin, but still thin. I have a little bit more of a belly, but I've been losing weight since. Anyway, back to the boy. His name is Lucas Cross, pretty basic. For him being from an island, I was expecting some type of exotic name like Theyinsnoa...basically mashing random letters and putting a random way to pronounce it. Well, there are some good things I've noticed about Lucas. His eyes for one. They're blue like hell. I mean, mine are better of course. Not many people are born with violet eyes. But, Lucas's eyes are quite nice...for a boy at least. His overall looks seem basic, but not necessarily bad. Like, he looks like the type of person who'd have at least a few girls crushing on him, hell, that might've already happened. Kumatora, a girl who's in the same gym class as Lucas and I, called him cute. Now, calling someone cute doesn't mean they have a crush on someone...but Kumatora mainly calls everyone an asshole, so this was quite the change. Is Lucas cute? I dunno. He's cute for a boy I guess. His cheeks always seem to be pink, and his eyes are kinda always foggy...does that add to cuteness? I dunno. Anyway, I've already written too much about a boy.

Oh, something else. I found my lost hundred bucks. How'd I lose it, I was an idiot. But, I guess I just lost it for ten minutes...I'm just trying to stall, can you tell? Heh, like anyone is going to read this. I doubt anyone wants to read the diary of some random and unimportant high schooler. Well, see ya.

Monday, September 16th:

I got paired with Lucas today. Well, I should probably explain. Lucas and I have two classes together. History and PE. PE is, well, PE. But our History teacher, Mr. Byleth...even though Byleth is his first name but whatever, gave us a project. We needed to pair up and of course, we didn't have the choice. Apparently the last time he let students choose their partners someone named Pittoo partnered up with someone else named Mega Man and they did a project on different animal dick sizes. Not gonna lie, I actually looked up a similar study after school. Lesson learned, don't be near a horny Blue Whale...damn thing is about three inches bigger than me. Like, chill, save some for us. Anyway, Lucas and I got partnered up. I don't mind it, but I would've preferred to be with Ninten. But Lucas said something that made me think. He said that if I didn't want to do the project that he'd do all of it. I don't know why, but it kinda sounded sad. He sounded like he legitimately had nothing better to do than to work, that kinda hurts. Will I not work on it, hell no, especially after what he said. I know I shouldn't intrude, but he's got me by the balls and won't finish...weird analogy, but I'm sure the guys understand what I mean.

I will say one thing. Writing in this diary is much easier than I ever thought. I doubt I'll ever get a good schedule on this shit, but it doesn't matter. I'd even go as far as to say that it's quite fun. Well, not much else happened this weekend. I mean, YL broke his arm again, but that's a usual thing. Oh, in case there are indeed people reading this, I have a few things to say. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU READING MY DIARY? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IT? And YL is short for Young Link, TL is for Toon Link. If I'm writing like people are reading, I should be careful with what I say, right? Nah, screw that. I don't censor my speech, so why do it here. Well, that's all folks.

Wednesday, September 18th, 2019:

Well, howdy. So, Lucas came to my house yesterday. We had talked earlier that we should get a head start on our project. What's the project, we've just gotta research the Alamo. Oh, and did I say the fact that WE CAN'T FUCKING USE COMPUTERS. Apparently, according to Byleth, it'll be too easy. Like, no shit, the internet is meant to make things easy. But, it's fine I guess. Lucas wasted a good twenty bucks on a temporary library card to get some books for us. We've basically just gotta act out the events of the Alamo. I don't know why we need to research. I can just be the Mexican and Lucas the Texan and I can go BANG BANG and boom, project over. But again, I guess that'll be too easy. Roleplay, never been a fan. This is gonna suck. The rest of that day was simple. Lucas and I were just working hard. We did take a break and ate some good-ole double stuffed Oreos. We also watched some Marvel movies. Man, did he seem invested. He clearly never saw these movies before, and he was loving every second of it. Honestly, the way he was acting, it was quite adorable. He watched those action-packed movies like he was a kid seeing barney in real life...wait, I'm sure they'd be terrified, nevermind. This is also where I learned that Lucas is in the same year as me. The same year, but slightly younger than me. We ended up watching the first phase of movies together. He seemed disappointed that we had to stop watching them. That's when I showed him the fact I have the other phases, and man, did he beam at the sight of them. He's odd, sure, but not as odd as I once thought. He's just odd in the sense of not really knowing much of the new-aged stuff. Other than that, he's cool.

He came by today too. We were able to finish the research, and he seemed sad that he had wasted twenty bucks on the library card to just use it for two days. Sucks for him I guess….but I honestly felt bad for him, so I lent him twenty bucks. He was really thankful. He'd probably jump if I wasn't watching. We started watching more Marvel movies. He, once again, was attached. Once we got to Guardians of Galaxy, he said something that stuck out to me. He called Chris Pratt sexy. Like, what boy says that. Well, I know what kind, but I doubt Lucas is one of them. We had to stop watching so we could practice the roleplay. It was very cringy and something I wish to forget. Lucas, on the other hand, was having the time of his life. He was laughing, giggling, and even blushing. It was rather cute how he was having so much fun. It was cute for a boy, of course. Anyhow, I guess that's it for today.

Tuesday, September 24th, 2019:

Sorry I haven't written to you for a bit, diary. But some stuff was happening. Last Friday, Lucas and I did our project. Just as expected, it was embarrassing. Lucas even lost his enjoyment. We ended up with an A at least, but damn, I won't miss being in that scenario. After the project, Lucas just sorta apologized to me. This was odd. I couldn't, and still can't, remember anything that Lucas had done to warrant an apology. When I asked him what he was talking about, he mentioned that working with him must've been bad. Where'd he get that Idea? When I told him that it was fun, he seemed surprised. Is he really so low on himself, he didn't seem like that when we researched and practiced at home. Lucas still seemed to be feeling his unwarranted guilt, so I invited him to my house to sorta have a movie marathon, where'd we finish the rest of the MCU. He was on board in about half of a half a millisecond. His emotions can change drastically very quickly. We watched the remainder of the movies. This led us into way past midnight so he ended up just staying the night. We could barely sleep of course, so I decided to invite him to the meet-up me and the others were having. Lucas seemed hesitant to join, but I persuaded him to join. He's a cool dude.

Not much happened until Sunday, the day of the meet-up. I brought Lucas over to the arcade, our usual hangout spot, and the others seemed hesitant to let him join. Even after letting him join, they were still douches to him. Lucas was still having fun though. I can't help but admire this part of him. Even as people downplay him, and talk shit, he just keeps a smile on his face and plays. I, of course, enjoyed being around Lucas. His aura of happiness always reached to me, allowing me to have a better time. We didn't win much because the arcade prices are way too damn high, but Lucas didn't mind. After he left early, I had a very stern talking-to with the others. And when I say "talking-to" I mean I bitch slapped all of them. They claimed that I shouldn't hold Lucas's feelings over theirs, but fuck that. After nearly a second bitch slap to them, they vowed to be nicer to Lucas.

Monday was a little weird though. The first time I saw Lucas, which is in History, I saw he had gloves on. He still greeted me with his normal bouncy persona, but his gloves caught my eye. When I asked about them, though, he just simply bounced around the answer. I mean, I guess it's getting kinda cold, but it's still rather hot. Definitely nowhere near cold enough for gloves. Either way, I just decided to let it go and change the topic.

Today something big is starting...and that's swim class. It's obviously a PE course. I've never liked this class, for the sole purpose of showers. They expect us to get naked and go into the showers before and after the swim, like, the hell? Do you know how awkward that is? What makes it more awkward, though, is the fact only I seem to see it as awkward. Well, me and Lucas, but still. Only two out of 25? They all act like flopping their dicks to each other is just a normal thing. They say it's because they're not actively looking at them, but like, how can they not. I can't help myself...I'm not gay of course, but still. There's a small part of me that can't help but look at them. I was always the person who had to hide the fact I was watching them all flop around. And don't even get me started with accidental erections. Oh boy, do I have stories of them. And sadly, they're mainly dealing with me. This starts Monday. And only one question is in my head. How will Lucas deal with it? I wonder since he was the only other person seeing this as awkward if he'll be doing the same as me...AKA, forcing ourselves not to look at the others. I'm also wondering what Lucas's looks like. I've seen all the others in our class, but I clearly haven't seen Lucas's. I know I shouldn't look, but I just feel obligated to. I mean, I've already seen the others, why not him right? Now that I think about it, I'm sure he has a nice one….WAIT, I shouldn't say that. I don't want people thinking I'm gay. I'd just be looking for research purposes, to see how I measure up to them. Shit, just, bye.

Wednesday, September 25th, 2019:

Damn. I couldn't contain myself. Today we took our first technical dip into the swim unit, with Monday and Tuesday dedicated to boring lectures of what not to do. I was trying to avoid looking at Lucas in the shower...but I failed. I couldn't help it. He feels different than the other boys though. I'm not sure what it is, but he just seems different. That doesn't help, but it's all I have right now. Something that was kinda worrying was the fact he still wore those gloves. Ever since he put them on yesterday, I never saw him without them. To be quite frank...I miss that. I want to see his hands like I saw his...well, everything. Oh, and we're about the same if anyone was wondering. I probably shouldn't have looked. But, when I did, it looked like Lucas got scared a little. It seemed like he was looking at me, or at least that's been my working theory. At first, I didn't like the chance of this theory being true, but as I look back at it now, I kinda want it to. I can't pinpoint why I just know I do. Oh, and Lucas was a phenomenal swimmer, even with those gloves. Seeing him wet was...an experience. He looked different. His hair was cutely falling over his eyes, Lucas's eyes seemed to blend in, and Lucas seemed to be enjoying himself. He was cute, to say the least. I've gotta figure out what this feeling is, and quick. I really don't want people thinking I like Lucas; I'm sure I'm just sick or something. Well, I've gotta cut this short. See ya.

Tuesday, October 1st, 2019:

Heyo. Uh, been a minute, hasn't it? Well, let's see what we have here. Oh, I guess I can start with the fact I'm getting somewhat scared about Lucas. He's not the most popular kid, still being new and all. He's been getting bullied by some utter shitbags, despite that, Lucas is keeping with his upbeat attitude. I adore that. No matter what happens to him, he just keeps smiling. But, I guess this worry mainly came from our conversation at the end of September. TL;DR we ended up talking about his family. He felt sympathetic about the lack of a father in my family, he just keeps adding to the list of how sweet he is. But, when I asked about his family, he broke down. Not like just a few tears, but like a waterfall. God, I've never felt so bad in my life. The thing is, he kept his smile. He was clearly sad as hell, but his smile never changed. Oh, and I should probably say that he's still never taken off his gloves. He was able to calm down rather quickly, but I can't help but feel guilty. For that, I decided to invite him to dinner. When I told my friends that I had to bail to hang out with Lucas they just claimed it was a date. That's one good thing that's happened, Lucas has befriended my friends. They're even on "make fun of each other's life choices" terms. But, the dinner ended up feeling like a date. Mind you, I've never been on a date so I'm comparing this to those cliche rom coms or whatever. It was awkward, to say the least. But, once I brought up horror, he beamed. We ended up chatting for a good five hours on just random horror stuff. Apparently, that's the only type of media he had access to as a youngling...his words exactly. Seeing him so excited about the topic made me so happy. He's so…. precious, I guess. When he's happy you can't help but feel happy yourself. He's that type of person. The way he looks at a horror movie is how I want him to look at me. Just maybe minus the love.

Today, Lucas seemed happier than yesterday, which was a relief with how we ended things at school. But, once again, he had the gloves on. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter. Seeing him happy was all that mattered. That's weird for me to say that; I've never really cared if someone was happy or not. I was kinda a heartless bastard before Lucas. Maybe this is why our friends claim we're fucking on the down-low. I don't really see what they see in us. Lucas could do way better than me. He deserves someone better than me. I'll probably just be stuck with a stupid boy, definitely not someone like Lucas. CRAP, I mean girl. That's what I mean, I don't like boys. You're lucky I'm writing this with a damn pen. I'd just get stuck with a girl who sucks, and not in a good way either. Lucas...Oh, I asked him if he wanted to stay the night by my place tomorrow, he seemed really down for it. Would it be weird if I got him a gift? No, right? It'd just be a friend giving another friend a gift. But what would he like? I want Lucas to get the best damn gift I can find. Wonder if he'll like flowers….anyway, bye.

Thursday, October 3rd, 2019:

Yesterday was the best damn day of my life. So, Lucas came over for a boy's night...in, I guess. Holy hell, he was wonderful. I ended up getting him Sunflowers, which he adored. He even brought me something. It ended up being a classic box of chocolates. I do love my chocolate, so I loved them. Lucas and I just had fun. He's great to be around, but, he still had those gloves on. I was scared to bring them up. I instead asked if he had a crush on someone. And, he does. He said he's been crushing on someone for a bit now. Hearing this made me so happy, not sure why though. He obviously wouldn't tell me who it was. He just asked me if I had a crush. I think I do, but I don't really know who it's toward. I feel that feeling of having a crush, but I just don't know who it's toward. I said I did and he seemed to beam up as well. He's so fucking adorable. If I could kiss….nevermind. He's truly unlike anyone I've ever met. He's nice, adorable, mysterious, comforting, just to name a few. I'd totally be hitting on him if he wasn't a boy...at least I thought so until he asked me if I was hitting on him. Apparently, although I don't remember, I've been hitting on Lucas during the sleepover. He told me not too long ago over text. I don't remember them. I guess I could see myself doing it. Lucas does seem to be the person I'd hit on, on accident. Clearly not on purpose...because of the, you know, Penis….

Anyway, he asked me if I could join him on the full moon night. He's talked about his love of a full moon, but that seems too romantic for two boys to be doing. Of course, I didn't even hesitate to say I'd join him. I'd do anything to spend more time with him. He seemed so happy that I was joining him, but something came up on the phone. All I heard was yelling in the background. It was an older man's voice, yelling Lucas's name. Lucas was still seeming pretty happy overall, but there's no way he didn't hear the yelling. He got off rather abruptly, texted me when the full moon is, and GTFO-ed. I have to ask him what's going on. My worries are getting too much for me to be comfortable with. Well, hopefully, he'll open up. I want to help him.

Sunday, October 20th, 2019:

Insert Youtuber apology video sigh here. Last week was nice, but I found something out about Lucas. It's not a happy discovery. To be frank, I wasn't even gonna write this, hints why it's been a whole week since I've gained this knowledge. Lucas...he lost his mom and twin brother. And not in good ways either. His mom died by being mauled by a damn bear during a hiking trip...and his twin brother killed himself via electricity. He said his dad was still alive though, so that's something. But he also said his dog, Boney, died not too long before the move. God, I feel so bad for him. No, I can't even begin to comprehend my emotions on a sheet of paper. Lucas always seemed like a happy-go-lucky boy. I never expected him to have gone through so much shit. He even described what happened to both in very vivid detail...not only did they die, but they died right in front of him. Sure, my dad's away, but he's not dead. Nor is my mom or Trace. Hell, even my dog is doing fine, grant it, he does seem to be on his last legs. But, I just don't know how I feel. Ever since he told me, I've made sure to make every day in Lucas's life the best I can make it. I started that night. As we looked up at the beautiful full moon, I laid directly next to him. When I mean next to him, I mean there was literally no space between our bodies. Sure, it's gay, but I'd rather be seen as that than to have Lucas be sad. It was a gambit though, I didn't know if he'd like the closeness or not...but he did. He didn't just like it, he seemed to love it. We've been getting physically closer since.

This clearly made people say we were actually fucking, but I didn't care since I knew the truth. Lucas also knew the truth, and that's all that matters. To be honest, I can't rule out the possibility of me being into Lucas like that. These strange feelings I've never felt before have only grown since he and I started closing the distance between us. The feelings aren't bad though, I like them. He still hasn't taken off his gloves though. I did ask him, but he seemed scared to. He wasn't scared to have his gloves off during the first week or so he was here, so what's changed? His hands were perfect. If only I could hold them...a boy huh? I guess….nevermind. That'll be all, hopefully, I get some happier news next time.

Thursday, October 31st, 2019:

I FUCKING LOVE HALLOWEEN. We had no school today so everyone just met at my house. We were mainly waiting for the costume party Kumatora invited us to. Lucas was the first boy she invited. She was clearly trying to get into his pants, and I don't want that. Lucas deserves better than her. There's nothing wrong with Kumatora, but still. Anyhow, due to the nature of this party, we couldn't tell each other what we'll be going as. When we made it to the party, Kumatora gave us all one of those voice changers so it makes our voices sound like nothing we normally sound like. The people who could partake in the games were clearly people that had a mask to cover their head. I made sure to choose one. I went as Ghostface, simple, but I like it. Before we put on the costumes, Kumatora talked about what the games would entail. Lucas seemed hesitant about one of the games, a kissing game. When asked he was even more hesitant to explain why. He decided to just go along with it. When the game came down to it, we were all put in front of the opposing gender to start the, questionably safe, mystery kissing. I was at the end, so I watched as everyone else did it. When it got to a pair near the middle, the male kisser refused to kiss the female. After garnering quite a negative response from everyone else because of it, he ran off. His costume was Jason Vorhees. Just by the way he acted in those few moments, mixed in with the horror-themed costume, I knew it was Lucas. But I didn't know why he's running off like that. Perhaps it was because of it being his first kiss, or what? But, I followed him anyway.

We ended up out back. He looked at me and took off the hockey mask, confirming my theory of it being Lucas. He could tell I was there. After some idle chat about the others getting herpes, he told me why he left. He's not into girls. He was scared to blurt this fact in front of everyone, so he decided not to, hoping he'd be able to power through. Why he'd be scared about this fact in this day and age, I don't know. But, either way, I sympathized with him. He then hugged me, and it was an actual hug. And it was the best damn feeling in the world. When he pulled away, I saw something different in Lucas's eyes. They were normally kinda foggy, but this one time it wasn't. It was bright, vivid, lively. His eyes finally looked like how he acted. I never saw a more beautiful sight. Lucas and I just decided to ditch the party and have fun alone. He's such a joy to be around. I, quite honestly, wouldn't mind it if I spent my entire life with him. And, you know, all that other cliche shit. If there are any new updates, I'll letcha know.

Friday, November 8th, 2019:

Something bad has been happening. Lucas has been absent this entire week. Not even a small pop-in, nothing. He's just not here. I'm so fucking worried. Not seeing him even once during the week has made me panic. I don't know why it is. He's just a friend….no. I can't continue to lie to myself. I'm panicking because I do like him. Not only as a friend, but much more. He's not just Lucas to me. He's Lucas, the boy who I want to be with. The boy I care about. The boy I'd do anything to protect. I'm going to his house tomorrow. I was able to use my detective skills, AKA google, to deduce where he lives. I have to do this, not for me, but for him. I may be overthinking this, but I need to make sure he's safe. He's everything to me. See ya.

Sunday, November 10th, 2019:

I went to his house as I said. Boy, did I find shit. I was too focused on Lucas to write about this yesterday, so here it is now. I found out why he's been wearing those gloves. He cut himself. Not just on one wrist, but both. To cover them up he just put gloves on. Something else was odd about him. He was bruised. Not just a single bruise either. He had a black eye, bruised markings on his chest on his face, and what even seemed to be a broken arm. Somebody whooped the shit out of him, and trust me, I'll kick the fucking shit out of whoever did it. Lucas refused to tell me though. You don't know how much it hurt me to see him like that. I wanted to tell him how I feel, but we had bigger issues so I had to focus on them. I tried to probe out the answer of who hurt him, but he's way too damn smart for that. Lucas told me that his dad was asleep so I ended up staying the night as his place. We slept in the same bed and he hugged me while in it. He said something that shook me and still does. "If I don't make it to Christmas, throw the best damn party in my name." The way he said it, the time he said it, and with the knowledge I had just learned, one thing came to mind. He's planning on trying to die once more. My Lucas. The boy who I thought was just a happy-go-lucky dude. My Lucas who showed me what a crush feels like. My Lucas who talked about his sad family. My Lucas who laughed every time I said a joke. My Lucas who made every single day a happy one. My Lucas who's able to turn everything on its head. My Lucas who a lot of people hate but keeps smiling. My Lucas who wants to die. Bye.

Saturday, November 30th, 2019:

THAT STUPID SON OF A BITCH. I found out who's been fucking hurting Lucas. And I swear he's gonna get everything he damn well deserves if it's the last fucking thing I do. Although, I don't have too much power compared to him. So, I'm documenting this as proof and as a backbone for me to lean on. Flint Cross, Lucas's own father, is the one hurting him. How do I know this, Lucas himself told me. Every day since the 9th, I've been visiting him to make sure he's safe. This night, not even an hour ago, he finally talked about his dad in his family. Apparently, that bastard ditched Lucas for two whole damn years to live on his own. And when he came back he just blamed Claus's and Hianwa's deaths on Lucas. That bastard is supposed to be a cop, and he's just blaming everything on Lucas. He's bringing a very poor name to cops. He can't even be called a cop, he's just a two-timing asshole who clearly doesn't give a shit about his family, his only family. So, to any of the reliable cops I know, Snake, Joker, Captain Falcon, this is for you. I'll expose that bitch. And I'll show you the evidence. NO ONE FUCKS WITH MY LUCAS!

Monday, December 9th, 2019:

Hey. Well, I did it. Flint, he's been detained. His crimes will be paid for. I'm not gonna write much right now. I can't bring myself to. I don't even know if I can say why just yet...bye.

Wednesday, December 11th, 2019:

Hey, again. Uh, I'm doing well again. I'm only writing in this because Tracy said it'll make me feel better. She must really be stupid. There's nothing I can say in here...and there's nothing I will say in here. Bye.

Friday, December 13th, 2019:

Uhh, I watched all the Friday the 13th movies today, alone. I like horror movies, just maybe not much at the moment. Too much death...and Jason Voorhees. These are his favorite movies. I watched them for him. Happy Friday the 13th, I guess.

Sunday, December 15th, 2019:

So…..no, I can't, sorry.

Tuesday, December 17th, 2019:

…...

Thursday, December 19th, 2019:

That last page was a waste of a page...I should just throw it away.

Saturday, December 21st, 2019:

It's almost Christmas. I've gotta plan that party. I made a promise to him that I'd do this party. But, who do I invite?

Wednesday, December 25th, 2019:

Merry Christmas….it's not so merry though. The party was fine, wish I could've taken part though. Um, I guess I was just focused on getting him a gift….I miss him. I miss him more than anything. If he doesn't pull through….I don't know what I'll do. I can't lose my Lucas….I just can't. In case he is gone….no, I can't make the note on Christmas.

Saturday, December 28th, 2019:

Hey, mom, Tracy. Um, if you're reading this then know it's not your fault. I love you both, I always have. Nothing and no one will ever change that. You guys are the best damn family I could ask for. And to my friends...I couldn't have asked for a better group. Sure, you guys are dirtbags, but I love y'all. If you're truly wondering what's wrong, and why I did what I did, it's because of Lucas. I failed him. I fucked him over. I ruined his life. And, if you're reading this, I most likely got him killed. I should've helped him. I should've tried as soon as I saw those gloves. I should've done more to prevent it. I should've done more. I've been calling his dad a bastard when I'm the bastard. I'm the one who let him jump off the roof, I'm the one who avoided asking about the gloves, I'm the one who knew about his family…..it was all me. Only I could've stopped it, and I didn't. I'm just as much the bastard as his dad. I'm sorry it had to end this way, but I'll try to make it as painless as possible, for you guys. I loved Lucas, I still do. Knowing that I'm at fault for his death, I just can't live with that. Don't make the same mistakes I did...I love you both. See ya.

Tuesday, December 31st, 2019:

YESSS, he's ok. He's alive! I can't believe he survived the fall. He jumped off the damn roof of the school and how he survived is beyond me. But I couldn't be happier. He just woke up, my mom got the call from the hospital. They said I could see him tomorrow. It'll go against my family's plans for New Years, but they don't mind. I get to see Lucas again...I didn't kill him. That's it, I've gotta show him these entries. He's gotta know my feelings, what better way than this. I just hope he doesn't see me as some cliche romantic or some shit. I don't even know how to end this..uh, bye, I guess.

Present

Lucas closes the book and looks at me. He just gives me a sad look. He struggles to sit up as he places the diary aside. "Ness?" he questions. I just look down. He's been reading my diary flawlessly. I have no clue how he'd react. In the grand scheme of things, I don't care if he likes me back, just as long as he's ok. Before he answers me, he just laughs. I look back up at him. He wipes away the tears of laughter with his hand that's still attached to the IV pole. His laughter starts to die down. "You seriously think I don't like you back? You're a trip Ness." His laughter...it's so nice to hear it again.

"Lucas…" I start to feel tears fall down my face. Lucas's slight laughter dies down.

"Ness, don't cry. You're not the crying type." I try to wipe the tears away, but the stubborn bastards keep coming back. I see Lucas open his right hand. I look at his face and just see him nod. I reach for it and he just grips hard onto my hand. "I'm the idiot for wanting to die. Especially knowing you liked me."

"Knowing?" I ask. He nods again.

"It was obvious. But, I was just selfish. I was just thinking about myself as I stood at the edge. No one else came to my mind. I'm the Bastard, making you go through all those emotions, it's not your fault." I open my mouth to say something, but I can't. I feel Lucas's hand tightly clench around mine. "But, I don't plan on being that selfish again." I just look at him. He's smiling. It's his patented smile. The smile that doesn't care about any sadness that surrounds him. The smile that breaks the rule of a smile. The smile I fell in love with. "Can I write an entry in the diary, the first of the year?"

"Of course." I stand up as he grabs the diary. I look around the room for a pen and soon find it on the counter near the computer. I grab it and hand it to Lucas. I sit to the side as he writes. It takes a bit before he gives the diary back. I look down at it.

Wednesday, January 1st, 2020:

It's the start of the new year. What better way to get it started than with love. Ness, the boy who I've been crushing on since we watched the MCU together, is the boy who I love. He's my everything. He's done so much for me. Defended me, cared for me, taught me, he even got my dad arrested. There's just one more thing I want him to do...a first kiss.

I close the diary and look at Lucas, who's feeling a little awkward. "I wonder who wrote that. Seems like you've got a secret admirer." I grin as I place the diary aside and stand.

"I have a pretty good suspect," I say as I walk closer to him. He's just smiling at me.

"Ninten?" The sudden name makes me laugh, he's joking. He's back. My Lucas is back.

"If that bastard liked me, he would've kissed me, grabbed my dick, and smacked my ass all at the same time." This brings some more laughter to Lucas as I lower my head. I place my forehead on Lucas's, allowing our noses to touch. "Of course, I wouldn't be opposed to it if you did it." This allows us to laugh as our lips connect. We kiss for a long while. To some, the length may be uncomfortable, but I wouldn't care if this kiss lasted hours. It doesn't though, only lasting a few minutes. We pull away and look at each other.

"Now, the whole thing about me being your Lucas...what's that about?" Oh shit. Why did I never think this could happen. I just sit back down as Lucas gives me the must smug yet cute face of all time. He wants an answer. I love him, I truly do. He's strong, I can't believe I'd think he'd die. If he did, he'd be a bastard...and he's not. He's my Lucas. My Lucas my love.