In the Hokage office, Hiruzen and the advisors were reviewing paperwork. The smell of tobacco is stronger than ever, irritating the nose of non-smokers. The wrinkles in the Hokage's face are pulled tight by stress; and his pipe balances a great deal of ashes.

The advisors sat in the couch on the side, working with mechanical movements; their minds, elsewhere.

The hubris and liveliness of the outside world paints a sharp contrasts with the inside. As a knock sounded on the door, all member inside the office flinched.

Just as Hiruzen cleared his throat and was about to give his acknowledgement, the door swings open and an overly-confident boy entered.

"Why do we need to knock? He is the Hokage, if he can't sense our chakra he might as well give me the title," Itomaru strides in as if he owned the place, and sat down in the couch, opposite side to the advisors.

The hawk-masked ANBU stayed at the door. He raised his hand, wanting to say something, but decided not to. He bowed and closed the door.

Hiruzen twitched the corner of his mouth, while Homura and Utatane exchanged glances, thinking of retirement crossing their heads.

As Itomaru looked and analyzed them, they were doing the same, "Aunty said you guys were all old people about to kick the bucket..."

Hiruzen choked on the smoke. Homura listlessly counted how much retirement funds he had in his mind. Utatane thought how much would it take to make Danzo take the boy to Root.

"Well," remarks the Hokage, as he stopped coughing, "Tsunade sure knows how to introduce people," He was exasperated by his previous student thoughts on them.

"Tsunade does not respect her Elders, anymore!" rebukes Utatane.

"Has she ever did that?" Noted Homura.

Itomaru leans on the couch backrest and smirks, entertained, "Oh, but she also said that you guys can teach me more cool ninja tricks, so I should listen to you."

As silence settled again in the room, Itomaru kicked his feet up on the edge of the couch, earning a synchronized scowl from the advisors.

"So," he began, tilting his head toward the Hokage, "where's my Madara?"

Hiruzen felt a headache coming.

"I need a Madara," Itomaru emphasized, as if it were the most important thing in the world. "Hashirama had one. A Senju is supposed to have an Uchiha to glare dramatically at during thunderstorms. A rival, you know? For balance, poetic symmetry; destiny or whatever."

Koharu raised an eyebrow. "You want an Uchiha... rival?"

"I need one," Itomaru correct, nodding solemnly. "Preferably tall, mysterious, with tragic backstory. Brooding optional, but preferred."

Before anyone could muster a response, he clapped his hands together in mock realization.

"Oh! And while we're on the topic of things that belong to Senju... where is my Nine-Tails?"

Everyone in the room froze.

"I mean, he's just sitting in the boy, right? What's his name? Na-something... Natoru? Nakamaru?" He waved it off. "I'd feed him, walk him, do the whole summoning contract thing. Auntie always said we had strong chakra, perfect for taming Bijuu. When I asked if I could have one, she said you guys had it."

The three elders stared at him, absolutely speechless. Somewhere in the village, inside a ramen shop, a really big fox trapped inside a merry boy jolted awake, with a suspicious feeling that someone had just insulted his majesty.

"Honestly, it'd be irresponsible not to give him to me. What if someone irresponsible gets ahold of the big fox? That could very well be the doom of this village!"

Itomaru gave a satisfied nod, as if finalizing a trade deal. "Cool, the reason is flawless. We're all in agreement then, I assume?"

Hiruzen reached for his pipe with slightly trembling hands.

Hiruzen exhaled a slow, measured breath, placing his pipe gently on the desk as if afraid even a puff of smoke might ignite the chaos sitting across from him.

"You… want the Nine-Tails. As a pet."

Itomaru nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely. I'll even build him a nice pen. With trees. Bijuu love trees. I can even ask aunty for Hashirama's notes on Wood Style. Nothing fancy, really; Nativity of a World of Trees will suffice."

The silence that followed was the kind that could only come from the sheer weight of what had just been said.

"I can't decide if you're being arrogant, naive, or just completely insane," Hiruzen muttered, rubbing his temples.

"He speaks of the strongest chakra release as if it was nothing." Homura blinked, horrified.

"I am a Senju," Itomaru replied, smugly showing the crest on the back of his t-shirt. "Wood style should be the basics. I'm mean, Hashirama had a Buddha." He widened his stance for emphasis. "He literally summoned enlightenment and slapped people with it."

He jabbed a thumb toward his own chest. "And yet Auntie Tsunade refuses to teach me anything about Wood Style! Not even a tidbit. I was not even asking for much, just the Wood Golem."

Koharu blinked. "She what?"

"She said—and I quote—'It's too dangerous.'" He crossed his arms and pouted, his tone turning theatrical. "I thought she meant for others, which made sense, right? But then she clarified. Said it was 'too dangerous for me.'"

He stood up abruptly, arms flailing. "For me! Me! As if I'm going to accidentally level a mountain or something. I am offended. Deeply."

Homura squinted at him. "Wait. You're saying you might have Wood Style… but you've never actually tried it?"

Itomaru blinked at the question, then shrugged. "Might? What do you mean might? Its just a chakra release, what's difficult about it. But yeah, haven't tried. Not even once."

Koharu leaned forward, utterly baffled. "And you just… listened to Tsunade?"

"Well, yeah," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Auntie says 'don't blow up the countryside,' and I, reluctantly, comply. She raised me. I trust her. Even if she's wrong all the time."

Hiruzen stared blankly at the boy. "So the only thing stopping you from potentially awakening the strongest kekkei genkai in ninja history is Tsunade's verbal 'no'?"

"Exactly," Itomaru said proudly, as if that made him the pinnacle of obedience.

Koharu slowly turned to Hiruzen. "We are one argument away from the reincarnation of Hashirama planting a forest on top of the Fire Daimyō's palace."

"Or turning the Sand Village into a very lush garden," Homura muttered.

"Well, that sounds fun," Itomaru thought or a moment, alarming everyone.

Blissfully unaware of the rising blood pressure in the room, he sighed loudly and threw himself back into the couch like a bored prince. "I just want my Madara, you know? Hashirama had his; this legendary, broody rival who could blow up mountains and monologue for hours. I want mine. That's how the story's supposed to go!"

"God help us," Hiruzen whispered to the ceiling.

"Oh!" Itomaru perked up. "And if I do get Wood Style one day, I promise to only summon half a Buddha over the village. Like, just the top part. With the hands. That's reasonable, right? I can use it to play ball with the Nine-Tails!"

Koharu stood abruptly. "I'm too old for this," she muttered, walking toward the door.

Homura followed. "We should start drafting new evacuation protocols. Maybe add a section called 'When the Senju Sneezes.'"

Left behind in the stunned silence, Hiruzen stared at the boy; this disaster in human form sent to him in a drunken letter.

The boy stared back, a mischievious smiled adorning his face, "Don't worry, old man. I will elevate this village to the next level!"

Hiruzen lit his pipe again, inhaling deeply, and murmured:

"... which country has the best hot springs? I need a vacation..."