Hello friends, and welcome back!

This is the shortest chapter in quite a while, but I just couldn't fit it in with a different chapter... It's its own entire topic, too long to be put with something else, but a little too short for my liking. Sorry about that, but what can ya do? I needed to get some focus on our beloved Alphonse after so much of Ed's struggles. In this one, we've got all of Al's internal conflict, an impossible promise, and the beginning of Ed losing himself again- all under the pretense of brotherly love.

But on an entirely unrelated note I just bought all the Light Novels and have read four out of six of them in less than forty eight hours and never before in my life have I felt like I'm reading official (mostly) canonical fanfiction and its been amazing...

Enjoy!

(update 9/29/24: mass update!)

Ch 15: An Iron Will

With Edward's stability and daily improvement comes a whole new mood in the Rockbell house. Winry, Pinako, and Ed are all as optimistic as optimistic can be; Ed's motivation has increased tenfold, and with his victory over the automail, the Rockbells have moved him back to Recovery and are quickly working out his rehab plan.

…Now if only the same optimism could be found in Alphonse.

It's not that he's unhappy with this outcome. He's absolutely overjoyed that his beloved brother made it through surgery and is moving toward his goal. But that's also the problem. He's moving toward his goal. And for reasons he can't quite comprehend, that worries Alphonse.

Well, now that he thinks about it, maybe the reasons aren't that complicated.

Of the two, Edward has always been the more ambitious brother. Al's ambitions are fierce, but controlled. Ed's are fierce, but needy. His need to get those ideas and actions out into the world can make him single minded and reckless (though Al would never tell him that), and that's why he's worried.

With his mind now set on restoring their bodies, Ed's not going to think about anything else. And what happened the last time he had his mind set on something, and wouldn't think about anything else? The two of them killed Mom, and nearly themselves. Al doesn't want their new goal to end up like the previous one, but he also can't stop it. Because Ed is doing it for him.

Al knows his brother still couldn't care less about himself; he's not stupid. He knows Edward's sole focus is fixing him. But he also knows that since he made Ed promise to fix both of them, Ed won't break that promise, no matter how much he hates it. And even if the inevitable single mindedness of their goal worries Alphonse, he can't deny he wants Ed to fulfill his promise.

And that is the root of what's really bothering Al. The fact that deep down, he wants Ed to do this. He wants Ed to go through the pain of automail, to become a dog of the military, to give up whatever might have been left of his childhood, if that's what it takes. All because Al wants his body back. It feels selfish, wanting his brother to go through so much hardship when in reality, being a soul tied to a suit of armor isn't that bad. Sure, he can't feel, and he can't eat, and he can't sleep, but he's alive. And Ed gave up his arm to make that happen. So why does Alphonse want this so badly?

He's terrified he both will and won't ever find out.

"Al?"

The ten-year-old snaps out of his thoughts with a resounding rattle, looking up to see Winry watching him with a mildly concerned gaze. "Huh?"

"I was talking to you."

"Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking."

"I figured as much." Winry laughs weakly. "I was asking if you wanted to see Ed. He's been asking for you today."

The armor's helmet tilts downward. "Actually...that's what I was thinking about…" Winry waits for more. "I feel bad but...I don't know if I can talk to him right now."

Winry's frown deepens. "Why not? He's not sick anymore."

"I know. It's just...complicated."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really…"

Winry stands still for a moment, wanting to press him further, but ultimately pursing her lips and walking out of the living room.

Back in the medical wing of the Rockbells', Edward plays nervously with his sheets, ears strained to hear any sign of crashing metal coming down the hall. He was loath to admit to Winry that he's been missing Al, but three days of not seeing his brother have left him beginning to feel like he's being purposefully ignored.

The moment the door opens, Ed's eyes snap to it, hoping to see his seven-foot-tall brother accompanying Winry. When she walks in alone, he tries and fails to hide his disappointment.

Winry sets a glass of water on the side table, not meeting her friend's gaze. "Sorry, Ed...I tried to get him to come."

Ed picks up the water, taking a long drink as he contemplates voicing his thoughts. "Why's he avoiding me?"

"I don't think he's—"

"I know when Al's avoiding me, Winry. Don't tell me he's not."

Winry sighs. "I don't know why. He wouldn't tell me either."

Ed thinks for a moment, frowning. He slams the empty glass on the side table. "Help me up."

"What?"

"You heard me." He holds out his hand expectantly.

"Your ports aren't even two weeks old yet. You can't move them too much."

A sly smile spreads across Ed's face. "I'm just...going for a bathroom break."

"No you're not. You're going to see Al."

Ed rolls his eyes. "So are you gonna help me or not?"

Winry glances at the door, expecting her grandmother to materialize and put an end to this escapade before it can start. But, for once, it seems like luck is (or maybe isn't) on her side. She looks back at Ed, and that stupid little smirk he wears whenever he thinks he's winning. She sighs in defeat; looks like he's right. "Fine." Winry moves to his side. "But if Granny catches us, it's all your fault." She slides her arm under his, helping him off the bed.

Ed hisses in pain as the movement aggravates his newly redirected nerves and all the pins holding them in place. "Owww…"

"Dummy…" Winry mutters under her breath, slowly shuffling to the wheelchair in the corner. "That's what you get for being so stubborn." Carefully, she lets him slip out of her grasp, being extra cautious of the cast on his left leg as he gets situated.

Ed takes a deep breath, letting the waves of pain radiating through his body settle down. "Okay...take me to Al."

…

Alphonse can't recall many times in his life when he could be described as brooding. He's always found it to be a petty and pointless gesture. Not that Al can't be petty; his brother has a knack for getting into trouble, and somehow, Al always gets dragged into it. So whenever the situation inevitably turned on them, Al thought it was okay to be a little petty. But to be brooding...that's a new one.

Of course, the root of it is his guilt. He's still reeling over his feelings toward Edward, and his fears about the future. And now, with nothing good to think about, he's finding himself getting sucked further and further into the pit of negativity.

…Staying positive can be tough when you're stuck in an unfeeling suit of armor, after all.

The creak of a door pulls Al out of his thoughts; Winry must be coming back. Al turns his back to the living room doorway, not wanting to look; he knows both she and Ed have got to be mad at him by now. He listens to her approach, waiting for the inevitable lecture she has in store for ignoring his brother. But it's not her voice that breaks the silence.

"So this is where you've been sulking around, huh?"

Al's helmet swivels to the doorway, seeing Ed back in his wheelchair and Winry standing behind him. "Brother? What are you doing out of bed?"

"What do you think, idiot?! You're avoiding me, so I'm here to knock some sense into you!"

Al looks down in a way Ed guesses would feature a pout. "What about knocking some sense into you? You just got over a serious infection," he mumbles.

Ed scoffs. "As if I'd ever stay put when you're upset."

"And that's why you're the idiot, not me…"

"Al." The armor looks back up. "You can't hide from me. Not even in a suit of armor."

Al's glowing gaze stays locked on Ed's, and he knows he's right. Ed has always been able to figure out his little brother; he can't hide forever. Al lets out a sound akin to a sigh, and Winry brings Ed closer.

"I'm going to find Grandma and keep her occupied. Yell if you need me," she says before making her way to the staircase.

It's quiet for a few minutes, the brothers sitting in tense silence before Ed finally breaks it.

"So, you gonna tell me why you're so down?"

Ed is only met with pointed silence.

"Alphonse. You know I'm gonna keep asking until you tell me, so you might as well just talk."

Al shifts, metal plates clicking softly. "I'm just worried."

"About me? I'm gonna be fine."

"I know. And that's why I'm worried."

Ed blinks, tilting his head questioningly.

Al shakes his head. "It's stupid, Brother. Don't even worry about it."

"Well, now I'm twice as worried about it."

"It's just…" Al wrings his gloves together, somehow managing to look small despite his hulking form. "I don't want to be like this forever…"

"And you won't be. Didn't I already promise you that?"

"Yes, but...I...I'm scared, Ed." A small shudder shakes through the armor. "I'm so torn...part of me wants so badly for you to get our bodies back, and another part of me wants you to give up on the idea. I don't want you to go through this, to give up so much for me...but I also want it at the same time. It's so selfish...you're the one who has to deal with the pain of automail, and becoming a State Alchemist, and I want you to do it. But I don't want to lose you, either…" A tearless sob echoes out. "I—I don't want you to lose yourself...like you did with Mom…"

Ed hangs his head, the weight of Al's words physical on his shoulders. I really did lose myself in that, didn't I? He glances through his bangs at the metal behemoth on his right. And not just myself...I brought him down with me. Ed traces a finger along the white plaster covering his leg. "You're not selfish, Al," he whispers. "I'm the one who wanted something I couldn't have...and you paid the price for it. The least I can do is make it right."

"But what if you can't? What if...what if we try, and we fail?" He sounds too hesitant, as if he's worried the mere utterance of these words will break Ed entirely.

"Then we'll try again. And again. However many times it takes," Ed replies matter-of-factly.

"...That's why I'm scared."

"Alphonse. Listen to me." Ed takes in his brother's emotionless mask of a face, longing for the wide eyes and trembling lips that should be accompanying the tone of Al's voice. "I promise. I will try my absolute hardest to make it right without losing myself. To keep you from ever feeling this kind of pain again. To fix us both, and everyone we've hurt in the process, no matter how long it takes." And no matter what it does to me. I'd rather die than watch him suffer…

Al is still for a moment. "And I promise I'll be right there. To keep you from going too far."

Ed smiles slightly. "You still don't have to. It's my burden to bear...But I'd be lying if I said I don't want you with me…"

"And I already told you it's our mistake, so it's up to us to fix it."

"Yeah...I know." The smile fades, Ed's eyes growing dark. "Al? Can...Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Brother."

Ed's mind flickers back to surgery, to the absolute terror he'd felt listening to Alphonse's panicked cries, and the shame of knowing it was all his fault.

Do you blame me for what happened? Because I know I blame me...Do you...do you hate me? For giving you a body that can't feel, can't sleep, can't even cry?

"Ed?"

Edward sighs, looking away from his brother.

"What did you want to ask me?"

Ed pastes on another smile. "Nothing. It's nothing." He knows Al doesn't believe that, but the younger boy doesn't push him further. He glances around the room, eyes coming to rest on that glass-doored bookcase in the corner once again.

His appearance hasn't changed much since the last time he looked at this reflection. He can still make out the shapes of himself and his chair, laden with bright blond hair and the empty spaces where his limbs used to be. But it's the figure sitting next to him that makes his heart clench, even though he's been living with it for three months. Barely recognizable in the warped glass, aside from two pinprick spots of light signifying his tether to this world. The monster he's turned his precious sibling into.

Ed chuckles darkly at the image. "We're a pretty sorry sight, aren't we, Brother?"

Al follows Ed's gaze, taking in their reflection. "Yeah, I guess we are. But you know what?" Al shifts, watching the alien metal respond to his will. "At least we're alive."

Ed looks a moment longer. "Alive, huh?" He stares at the blurry reflection of Al's chest plate, picturing the small blood rune behind it. "Tell me, Al, how do you always stay so positive?"

"Positive?" Al sits back. "That's all I have. You're the tough one, the strong one, the one who always acts. If I didn't stay positive...I don't think either of us would last a second."

Ed remains silent, thinking over their conversation. He continues thinking about it, even when Granny finally finds him and makes him go back to bed, and when Winry brings him dinner, and when Al comes in to say goodnight.

So, he's the strong one, is he?

He supposes that wouldn't be hard to assume. He's always been louder, quicker to act than Alphonse. He's put up with a lot to keep his little brother safe from the pains of the world. He's the one who pushed them through alchemy training, the one who convinced them it was all they needed to live. Honestly, up until a few months ago, Edward would have agreed that he had the stronger will.

But now, he knows the opposite is true. Edward can only dream of being half as tough as Alphonse. He's seen his little brother struggle with the consequences of his mistake, seen him bend and crack but never break. He's been dealt life's most unfathomable cards, and he's learning to play the hand he's been given with an indomitable spirit. Even in the darkest moments, there's always been a little light of hope in Al's soul that just can't be extinguished...even when his own brother's hope was gone.

No, Edward isn't the strong one.

Because when it comes to having an iron will, there's nobody stronger than Alphonse Elric.

*dos equis commercial voice* Ed doesn't always say "Brother"...but when he does, it's because it's an Important Moment TM

anyway, Al's conflict was very hard to write, and I'm still not totally satisfied with it... it's a very contradictory set of feelings, but entirely valid feelings. It's not selfish to want for basic human things like being able to feel and sleep and eat. But BOTH Elrics have a complex when it comes to feeling like they're being selfish... and I believe Al would one hundred percent try to hide his feelings from Ed, both to avoid acknowledging them and to try and stop Ed from feeling even more guilty.

...Because even if things seem resolved right now, it isn't going to stay like that for long *evil laughter*

Next time on Simple Things- Chapter 16: The Deep End