Chapter 50:
Duke Martin glared out at the minions surrounding the planning table. This was the biggest task his grandmother had ever set him, and he was already failing. He'd lost a massive number of ships along with their crews and the slaves in the stokeholds before even coming within sight of the objective.
That, of course, had required a change to the plan. Instead of sailing boldly into the lake and bombarding the rattle-trap structures there before raising the banner of the Heart Kingdom over the wreckage, he'd been forced to come up the river instead.
His men had spent hours feeling their way along in boats, measuring and re-measuring the depths of the channel. Even so, he'd managed to run two cruisers aground, taking them out of the fight for the moment.
If that weren't enough, his men had run into obstacle after obstacle in trying to reach the opposite shore to attack Stilt-Town from behind. Some had been attacked and dragged off by predators. Others had succumbed to various poison fauna. He'd even had the local barbarians murder a few of his men.
Those fuckers were going to become object lessons when this was over. In the now, his men were within sight of the enemy fortifications at the shore. Now, he had to make his siege stick or lose his place in the royal hierarchy—and possibly his head.
No-one spoke. Speaking could see your head removed. It was at once a giddy pleasure to hold that kind of power—life-and-death power—over the peasants while at the same time being a terrifying reminder of your own powerlessness.
I have to win, the Duke thought! I have to win, or grandmother will take my head! I can't go back with such losses!
"Give the order," he commanded! "Send in the first through third waves!"
On the shore, Billy pondered the clammy, moist air around him and the absence of feminine scents from his nostrils. In spite of his earlier reluctance, he'd become used to the mad life he lived. He didn't sleep the same without a woman—or two—in his bed. Can't stay here, Bill, he reminded himself.
The sounds of men moving in the late evening darkness had kept Billy and his men on high alert for hours after the sun set. The folk from Heart Kingdom had come up the river, just as he'd imagined after their drubbing out on the ocean. Still, with giant alligators to look out for, the remnants of various pirate gangs getting in the way, and uncertain and dangerous terrain, it had clearly taken longer than expected.
Stirring from the fire near him, Olesia yawned and stretched. The plump woman was still in yesterday's clothing. She'd been wearing a dowdy dress that reminded him of the bad old days when she was very self-conscious about her body.
Seeming to guess what he was thinking, his wife remarked, "I guess I thought they'd come last night..." He imagined she'd been ready to throw down.
Sitting up himself, Billy responded, "they did, babe. There's a lot of them dead out there in the swamps and among the ruins. The real push will be today, when they can see the alligators and poisonous snakes."
The plump woman shivered at that hideous assessment of what they were dealing with. A lot of the men who'd been variously eaten or poisoned were likely to be slaves. They were suffering and dying because some overstuffed asshat had been sold a bill of goods. Unfortunately, he didn't see a way out of this that didn't involve a fight.
Shrugging off the covers, Bill gathered himself to his feet. Upon seeing that, one of his men strode over with a message. "News from King's Island, sir," the tall banana announced.
Taking the slip of paper from him, Billy read it from top to bottom twice. "And...," Olesia murmured? "Not good," Billy sighed. "There's a pack of idiots on the highway between the base and town. There's a small group inside the palace, but they managed to lock themselves out of the private section, thank goodness."
Before Olesia could blow out a breath of relief, the big man explained, "they have Lollipop hostage, along with a small number of servants. The castle's on lockdown. A rescue team's on it's way. Thor's negotiating. Unfortunately, they murdered one of the maids."
Olesia grimaced, her eyes saying everything. "No," Billy rumbled. "The fight's here. My brother-in-law's job is to manage the safety of King's Island. The palace is safe."
"Incoming," shouted one of the troops. There was a moment where all they could hear was the whistling of objects hurtling through the air. And then there were explosions bursting all over their little fort's walls.
"Short," Billy muttered. His ears were still ringing, though. Shouting orders, he sent his troops to their positions.
Climbing onto a chunk of weathered concrete where he could see the battlefield, he took a good look around him. The slime peeps did a good job clearing back the growth, he thought. He now had a good line of sight for half a mile in the river's direction.
Reaching out, he murmured, "get ready, O." The first of the enemy was coming into view. They were carrying battering rams and ladders and a few carried rafts and small boats.
Their arms weren't anything like the eastern shore of the ocean, though Billy imagined that Bonnie's influence was key there. Bonnibel Bubblegum had a mad-on against guns—or at the very least, she had a mad-on against everybody else having guns. Firearms had been thin on the ground throughout his father's life until very recently.
The people of the west—whether the pirates on the seas or the folk on dry land—were heavily armed with a widely varied set of firearms. They carried handguns and long guns, while some even came dragging small cannon.
Further back towards the river, he could make out the shapes of larger, heavier guns. The Heart Kingdom was putting in a maximum effort here. Judging by what Kate told me, Bill thought, he doesn't have a lot of choice. If he goes back as things are, she'll chop his head off.
The Queen of Heart Kingdom was a nasty customer, and Bill knew they'd have to basically go for maximum intimidation when dealing with her. Just like the yo-yo's in the Glass Kingdom, she was liable to think she had the upper hand.
Slowly but surely the enemy came surging forward, and there were a lot of them. They came in three distinct waves.
The first was made up of miscellaneous folks—deer folk and buffalo men and even stranger creatures. The second was made up of smaller numbers of peeps from Tequila Kingdom, the Pirate Isles, and even a few stoners from Coca Kingdom. The last wave was made up entirely of men in uniform who looked a great deal like the fat fuck and his minions.
Well, we know what kind of folk they are, Bill, the big man thought. It shouldn't have come as any real surprise that their ranks were laid out in order of the people they thought mattered.
"I can reach them from here," Olesia announced. Bill's face flicked over to his wife. The plump woman was staring straight ahead, her expression cold.
Bill could guess what was going through her mind. Their foe was sending those he didn't consider human in the front rows to be burned up. In spite of being an elemental, Olesia could be shockingly, terrifyingly cold sometimes.
Blowing out an icy breath, Bill said, "well, ok, then..." It was time to get to work. Drawing on his powers, he pulled the temperature down, down, down, causing the stone he stood on to become rimed with ice. Freezing the moist air before them, he built up walls of glacial ice before their foes, blocking them from reaching the first of his fortifications.
That stopped the enemy dead in their tracks. As they stopped to consider, the Heart Kingdom soldiers surged forward, beating those in the second rank who had stopped. And that was when the first of the explosions rang out.
A blast of hellfire, born of Olesia's rage flared to life in the middle of the Heart Kingdomers' ranks, hurling corpses left and right. The attack broke up then, with the enemy either scattering or retreating in a panic.
Still more explosions rang out and then still more until Bill finally asked her to stop. With no idea how many they still faced, they needed her strength.
The Heart Kingdom soldiers and their hired mercenaries rushed back through the tangle of marshland and long-forgotten rubble until they reached the fleet once more. There, they found that the rear guard refused to let them back on board the invasion boats. Chaos ensued, with the commander of the assault trying again and again to get on board one of the boats to return to the flagship in order to report to Duke Martin.
After a long twenty minutes of chaos that saw many of the slave soldiers disappear into the swamps, the commander of the assault was allowed to send a message to the Duke. The messenger found the leader of the invasion force on the throne as it were.
Standing at the entry to the Duke's ornate toilet, the hapless messenger did his best to convey what was going on ashore. The news sent the fat man into a spiral of terror and rage at the failure and its potential to end his life.
Finally, as the messenger rattled to the end of his explanations, the apoplectic duke came storming out of the toilet, pants forgotten. "You tell that bastard to get those slaves back," the Duke snarled! "Better yet, tell his successor! I had to pay thousands for those fucking sub-humans! Get them all back! I want the army ready to try again within the hour!"
Bowing obsequiously, the messenger got out of there. The sight of the corpulent Duke's flabby body and his rage were both unpleasant to deal with.
On shore, the Army of Ooo was taking its ease. With the enemy on their heels for the moment, Billy was taking the time to quiz the locals on what they were likely to be dealing with next. Though the pirates on Morgana's ship had sometimes spoken of them, Billy had never met anybody from Heart Kingdom until now.
"Crazy men, boss," declared a man with dark-orange skin. His wiry hair and gold teeth marked him as a man from the Pirate Isles.
Shaking his head, the ex-pirate declared, "Herself... She don't give a feller a chance if he make a mistake. It's jist 'off with his head' and that kinda' shit. Nobody from there back down. He gone for a while, but we have t'kill all o'them or at least kill him." Nodding, Bill thanked the fellow for his insights. It was quite a bit to think about.
Another man piped up then, remarking, "he'll either bash his head inta' the wall, or he'll try goin' around..." This one was one of Captain Wilson's men.
"How does defense of the town usually go," Bill asked? The yellow-orange-skinned fellow shrugged, "ain't got too many, boss. Usually, we camp out around the Cap'n's business. The lake take care o d'rest..."
"Won't work this time," the first man declared. "That man can't take 'no' for an answer, boss. He gon' fight. He got to... or..."
Billy went back up on the block of crumbling concrete and stared back at the lake. The shore of the lake was vast compared to the number of troops they had.
Staring up at him, Olesia remarked, "we just need to keep them from getting a foothold, William..." Turning to their subordinates, she asked, "what's the most dangerous place to get a foothold on the actual decks of the town?"
Frowning for a moment, the pale gentleman declared, "fishing docks. The fishermen keep their skiffs down there. It's right down at the level of the lake. From there, you can come on up onto the platforms."
Frowning down at him, Bill muttered, "but if we leave here, they can come out from shore and get up on the causeway..." "We can get up there and wait on 'em," the ex-pirate opined.
Bill responded, "we can't dig in up there. We're in the open and vulnerable. I wish I'd brought more troops..."
Just then, one of the bananas came tearing across the camp. What now, Bill thought? He hoped and prayed it wasn't another dispatch from King's Island with bad news. It was killing him knowing his stepmother and siblings were in serious danger. That said nothing of Lady II being outside the palace and the hug-wolf's bar.
"Message from Princess Bonnibel," the banana announced. Billy grimaced. The last thing he needed was Bonnie on his back. Nose wrinkling, the banana amended, "the other Bonnibel..."
Billy's face whipped around. Taking the message, he quickly skimmed through it. "She's just a few hundred miles out," Billy muttered. Turning to Captain Wilson's representative, the big man said, "take a boat out to Sharp's farm... Let him know that we'll pay him cash to use his fields. There's airships coming."
With a jaunty salute, the pale fellow turned and rushed down to where the boats were. In short order, her was motoring across the lake, bound for the opposite shore. Hopefully, he could get there fast enough to get things smoothed over.
Billy turned to his soldiers. "Looks like we're getting reinforcements," he declared. "My sister's coming with several hundred more crack troops. That should let us defend the approaches to Stilt Town. All we need to do is focus on keeping hold of this end of the bridge."
The motley command he'd assembled to defend the town began to cheer loudly and vigorously. It was a disconcerting sign to their opponents. The Heart Kingdom soldiers were deep in the business of trying to catch the slave-soldiers that had run off in the middle of the battle. It was tough going when the land seemed to be full of poisonous snakes and hungry alligators. And indeed, some of their slaves seemed to be hunkering down within sight of the slowly melting walls of their adversaries' fort.
Of course, the sight of their former commander being flayed alive at the riverbank was providing excellent motivation to get the job done. They couldn't go home if they failed here, and nobody really wanted to stay in this wretched swamp.
More than one soldier in the brigade could be heard to mutter that it couldn't get worse, though none had any idea just how wrong they were.
Bonnibel Mertens stepped off the rear ramp of the airship into the moist air of the swamp where her father's new prize stood. The air reminded her a lot of the moist summer air down by the Feather River in her lost homeland. She could almost hear the zippers buzzing past her ears—along with the voice of her annoying big brother.
Those were the days, she thought. You don't know how blessed you are as a child to just rush around playing. Even when we had chores, we were still so sheltered!
She wasn't sheltered now. There was a battle to get fought, and she had to figure out where her younger brother was, just now. Turning to the soldier at her left elbow, she commanded, "find out where Prince William is."
As he rushed towards the shore of the lake, the blonde woman began dispensing orders. Soldiers got put on watch around the field where the airships were unloading. The job of the moment was to take guard positions—and dig.
Leo Pedersen had spent hours teaching her about such things, reckoning that if she stepping into her father's world, she ought to learn enough to keep her head on her neck. Now, the tall woman put those skills to use, organizing the soldiers she'd been lent as they came off the flying machines so they'd be able to fight.
As the sun began its climb, the first of the airships began to depart, bound for the north and King's Island, where they could refuel for the journey home. As the machine roared out of there, her scouts returned with a messenger from her brother.
Breaking in on what her lieutenants were doing, she announced, "leave off with that. We're not staying." Turning to the most senior man, she said, "take your command across to the docks. Grab every skiff you can find and bring them back here. It's my father's scrip, and they'll like it or they'll have a chat with one of those gator things..."
The business took well over an hour to get sorted, with the last of the airships departing as the sun reached its zenith, while the first of the boats were arriving with its surly, sullen crew.
In the interim, Bonnie was able to get her phone synced with her brother and sister-in-law's devices, allowing them to finally chat.
"The airships are out of here," Bonnie declared. "The machine-folk are safe and on their way north. The first of the boats are almost here."
:They're moving out at the edge of the river: Billy responded. :We can hear them, but we can't see them. Some are definitely marching north, maybe angling to get around the lake shore.:
"I've got a plan, William," Bonnie declared. "I've got two-thousand men with me. We can make this work." :It's not going to be just a few handfuls, Bonnie: Olesia admonished her. :Be careful.: "Teach your grandma to suck eggs," Bonnie chuckled.
With that, the tall blonde hung up. It was time to put up or shut up. Turning to one of her lieutenants, she said, "take the riding machines and begin your patrol down the beach. To the next, she said, "your job's to control the docks. You're our backstop in case they get through in numbers." To the last man, she said, "you're with me. We'll meet them in the water and hand them to the lake monsters."
The slime person grimaced at those unpleasant orders. Still, it was clear that neither he nor his men were getting out of this. Barking orders, he sent his men marching down to the shore where the boats were waiting with their unhappy crewmen.
The fat man is about to get his just desserts. The Queen of Hearts' rotten grandson has nothing on the Finn-Kids.