Forbidden love for a Barkley
Part Twenty Seven:
"Pride and Prejudice, pt. 3: Cerchio del Silenzio"
The bridge creaked more and more, causing Victoria and Carmine to stop in their tracks only for the latter to keep making his way to the former, causing the bridge to creak louder than before. Meanwhile, Nick and Stefania were making their way to the bridge and engaged in a conversation only for it to be cut short when the duo spotted the Mangano patriarch and Barkley matriarch about to possibly shake hands and decided to get to the bridge. A tense back and forth would ensue until the bridge finally gave way and broke, sending Carmine and Victoria crashing into the water. Stefania, Jarrod, and Nick would get into a battle over who got to go into the water and save them, each one stating a valid reason; Nick saying he failed two people; one being his own father and the other being his girlfriend. He will fail nobody else. Stefania saying she failed one member of her family. Her cousin Dominique. She won't fail her own father. Jarrod saying he failed one person who was special to him. His wife and he has no plans of a repeat performance. Victoria would call out for the trio, informing them that while they're battling, she and Carmine still needed help. This would lead the trio to go into the water and start a rescue mission. As of now, Victoria was rescued, but Nick and Carmine were swept away. Nowhere to be seen. The questions that remained are as follows: Will Carmine and Nick resurface somewhere downstream? or Have they perished? What will Victoria and everyone else do? How will they carry on if Nick and Carmine have died? What's happening? Stay tuned and find out!
Author's Note: I do NOT own The Big Valley or its characters. I ONLY own this fic and the characters of: Stefania Mangano, Carmine Mangano Sr, Carmine's friends, Paulie Mangano, Italia Mangano, Chet and the men Heath rounded up, Leonard Barkley, Seth & his gang, and the Mangano family. This is the third part of however many parts of this multi chapter saga and this one might also be a very brief chapter. As you can very well see by the title, I modeled this chapter after the Jane Austen book, tv shows, and movies of the same name. Full disclosure, I have neither read the book, watched the 1958, 1967, 1980, 1995, or 2014 series, nor seen the 1940 or 2005 film. I just think the title is fitting :D
(Flashback to part 26)
"Nick, are you alright?" Victoria called out to Nick.
"Never better, mother." Nick called back, before putting his arm around Stefania, "Thanks to Stefania. She untied me and everything."
"She had no business to do that!" Carmine reverted to English and turned his attention to Nick, "She had no business to untie you! You were better off tied like you were! Nobody else's daughters would be harmed!"
"Carmine, it's not his fault and you know that. Deep inside yourself, you know Nick is innocent." Victoria told him, "You know he's innocent and you won't let yourself believe it."
"Papà, la signora Barkley ha ragione. (Dad, Mrs. Barkley is right.)" Stefania nodded in agreement with Victoria.
"Mr. Mangano, how about we make a deal?" Jarrod called out to Carmine.
"Jarrod, don't you dare open your open mouth and make any sort of deal!" Nick yelled to his older brother.
"Why?" Jarrod asked.
"The last time you did that, Macklin and those others nearly hung me while helping you set up that trap for Alderson. Remember that?" Nick replied.
"Nick, I have apologized time and-" Jarrod was cut off.
"No deal, Jarrod! You are not to make anymore deals!" Nick raised his voice.
"Nick, you never told me this." Stefania turned to Nick.
"Not something I would write home about, Stefania." Nick shook his head.
"Mr. Mangano, ignoring my brother for a minute, how about we make a deal? You said you want your brother Santo and your father Emilio to get justice, right?" Jarrod started.
"That's right. However, I also want justice for what happened to Allegra, Serafina, and Stefania! What happened to them shouldn't be forgotten and why are you bringing this up? Stuff about deals. Why bring it up all of a sudden? Do you have something up your sleeve?! Like a trick?!" Carmine nodded, before waving his hands around.
"No tricks, Mr. Mangano. None whatsoever. You see, I'm a lawyer and-" Jarrod was interrupted.
"Jarrod, don't you dare make him and the others go through what you put mother, Audra, Heath, and me through! Don't you even think about it!" Nick yelled.
"Nick, I never intended to put you and everyone else through anything. I never intended for any of that to happen." Jarrod replied, "And I won't let anything happen to Stefania and her family. Now, would you kindly-"
"I won't butt out, Jarrod! Yeah, maybe you didn't intend for anything to happen, but I was almost hung and that isn't something I can just simply forget!" Nick shook his head.
"Nick, I have apologized time and again. When are you going to let that go? You know, you're-" Jarrod was cut off.
"Nick, Jarrod, everybody let's quit this bickering. We all know that infighting solves nothing. Carmine, my son is innocent. He didn't hurt Stefania. He would never do such a thing. I'd clobber him and if his father was alive, why his father would shoot him at dawn if he harmed a woman. Nick cares a lot about Stefania and it wouldn't make any sense for him to do anything ungodly to her. However, that being said, your anger is very understandable. Stefania is still your little girl who you love dearly and it makes you angry that somebody would do what they did to her. I know that feeling very well as did Tom. My husband was what you are, a father and I'm a mother. Our children being hurt is every loving parent's worst nightmare. You feel helpless, you feel hopeless. It's all a part of the game. I understand your anger and the pain you and Mrs. Mangano feel and have felt. I truly do. Whether you believe me or not, that's up to you. As for you, Nick, Jarrod never meant for anything untoward to happen to us. He never meant for the trap he helped set up for Alderson to get out of hand like it did. Unfortunately, things like that do tend to get out of hand and it's beyond anybody's control. Nobody knows whether something will be easy and peaceful or difficult and chaotic. Nobody does. That being said, there is one thing we all know and that is the incident was harrowing and traumatic. Nobody denies that. That trauma is real and I understand as does Jarrod that your trust in him has been iffy since then, but Nick, just try to allow yourself to at least forgive Jarrod. It haunts him more than you know. Sure, the trauma will never go away, but Jarrod doesn't need that reminder each time he goes to lend a helping hand. While I'm at it, another thing I suggest is let Jarrod voice his idea to Stefania and her family then let the law take care of McMahon, the Ballingers, and that whole bunch." Victoria tried to sound like a voice of reason.
"Let the law take care of them? Sure, sure, right, right. Just let the law deal with it. The law always deals with it and protects everyone, doesn't it? If that's so, mother, then riddle me this: where was the law when Stefania was attacked and where...where...where was the law when father was killed? Where was the law those two times?" Nick was clearly tired of hearing the "let the law handle it" talk. Who could blame him? The law was nowhere to be found when Stefania went through pure hell and when Tom was murdered. How could he or anybody trust the law? How? Nobody in their right ever loving mind would trust the law again if they had happen to them what the Manganos and the Barkleys went through.
Jarrod was about to speak, but stopped when the bridge made that creaking noise again only this time, it sounded more like a breaking noise. Like a dead or dying tree that was about to fall.
"Nick, did you hear that?" Stefania asked, clearly alarmed by the noise.
"I sure did. Sounds like a tree is about to fall." Nick nodded, before looking around.
The bridge made another loud breaking noise and then...before the blink of an eye...*SNAP! CRASH! SPLASH!* The bridge finally gave way, breaking apart, sending Victoria and Carmine into the water.
"PAPA, SIGNORA BARKLEY!" Stefania shouted, before jumping off of the wagon and rushing to the bridge.
"MOTHER! MR. MANGANO!" Nick, Jarrod, and Heath shouted before rushing over to the broken part of the bridge.
"CARMINE!" Paulie and the other shouted.
"Jarrod, Nick, Heath, hurry! The current is starting to get fast!" Victoria urged while trying to stay afloat.
"Stefania, bambina, come ha detto la signora Barkley, la corrente sta arrivando molto velocemente! Sbrigati! (Stefania, baby girl, like Mrs. Barkley said, the current is coming very fast! Hurry!)" Carmine also tried to stay afloat.
"Non preoccuparti, papà. Tu e la signora Barkley sarete fuori dall'acqua in men che non si dica. (Don't worry, dad. You and Mrs. Barkley will be out of the water in no time.)" Stefania started to get into the water only to be stopped when a hand grabbed her wrist.
"Stefania, no!" Nick held onto her wrist.
"Nick, what the hell are you doing?! My papa and your mama are in the water!" Stefania gave him a look.
"Stefania, I can't let you go in the water. It's too dangerous! I'll go in!" Nick told her.
"And I'm coming with you!" Jarrod started to get in the water.
"Oh no, you don't! I can't let either of you go in the water! I must do this alone!" Nick shook his head and gestured for Jarrod and Stefania to get out of the water.
"Nick, she's my mother, too!" Jarrod told him.
"Yeah, and even though you two have your differences & I do not agree with him, he is still my papa! My papa is still my papa and I love him!" Stefania looked Nick in the eye.
"I know that, Stefania and Jarrod, but-" Nick was cut off.
"Nick, I failed Dominique." Stefania had tears in her eyes and shook her head, "I will not fail my papa!"
"Yeah, why should you be the one to save mother and Mr. Mangano?" Jarrod asked.
"Because I do not want to fail the other parent and someone else's father!" Nick raised his voice, before having tears spring to his eyes and biting his lip.
"Nick-" Jarrod was cut off.
"Jarrod...I failed Stefania and...I failed father. I will not fail mother and Mr. Mangano." Nick sighed, "I gotta do this."
"Nick, I understand, but in case you forgot, I failed, too." Jarrod cleared his throat, "I failed Beth. I'm not aiming for a repeat."
"Guys, we hate to break up your conversation, but we still need help!" Victoria called out.
With that, Nick, Stefania, and Jarrod joined forces, got into the water, and rushed over to Carmine and Victoria. With the water current starting to get faster than before, the trio tried their absolute best to get the Mangano patriarch and Barkley matriarch back to shore, but to no avail.
The water kept rushing and all hope was lost until after what seemed to be an eternity, Stefania, Jarrod, and Nick with the help of Heath, Paulie, and the others managed to get Victoria on shore. Now, it was time to get Carmine on shore, but he and Nick were being pulled further and further back by the rushing water.
"Mr. Mangano, Nick, keep going!" Jarrod yelled.
"We can't, Jarrod! The water-" Nick was cut off due to being splashed in the face, the last part being in complete jibberish.
"What?" Jarrod asked, before getting splashed.
"I said that we can't, Jarrod. The water is coming too fast!" Nick yelled.
"Ummmm...Nick?" Carmine looked behind himself then back at Nick.
"What is it, Carmine?" Nick turned to Carmine.
"I think there's-" Carmine was cut off when he got submerged by more oncoming water.
"Hey!" Nick went under the water then resurfaced, this time having a tight hold on Carmine's forearm, "You okay?"
"I think so." Carmine nodded.
"Alright, now, let's-" Nick was cut off by another oncoming wave of water, this one being strong enough to whisk both Carmine and himself away from Stefania and everyone else.
"Nick! Papa!" Stefania got back into the water, Jarrod and Heath following suit.
"Nick, Mr. Mangano, swim towards us while we swim towards you two!" Jarrod instructed, before swimming towards his brother and the Mangano patriarch, Stefania and Heath following him.
"Jarrod, we-" Nick got submerged for a brief moment, quickly resurfacing, but getting swept further away.
"Stefania!" Carmine was also getting swept further away.
"Papa, Nick, hang on!" Stefania kept on swimming towards them.
"Hang on, brother! Hang on, Mr. Mangano!" Heath called out.
However, before the blink of an eye...it happened. Another wave of water came rushing like mad, only unlike the previous times, this one was the strong one. Strong enough and big enough to chew Nick Barkley and Carmine Mangano up then spit them out, sending them away. The last things that were heard from both men were loud yells as they went over a waterfall.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jarrod, Heath, and Stefania shouted, before rushing back to the edge and looking over.
"Heath, Jarrod, Stefania, what happened?" Victoria, having heard the shouting, rushed over to where they were, Paulie and the others following suit.
"Stefania, what happened to your papa?" Paulie asked, fear filling his voice.
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Nick! Mr. Mangano!" Jarrod uttered the same thing he said when he discovered his beloved Beth had just been shot by Cass Hyatt.
"What happened?" Victoria had fear in her voice.
"They went over the edge." Jarrod's eyes were the size of plates.
"Zio Paulie, Nick and papa just...they just..." Stefania, unable to finish her sentence, started crying.
"And...they're not resurfacing." Heath's voice started to crack.
Nick and Carmine's yells were still echoing except now what was once loud yells was starting to fade away and be replaced by the eerily calm sounds of the water. There were no splashes. The water current was no longer rushing like it was a few moments ago. Everything was dead calm.
(Now)
Jarrod, Heath, and Stefania got out of the water and with Victoria and company, took the horses and Carmine's mule Ignazio & started to head somewhere away from the broken bridge and the waterfall, but not so far that they would be out of sight in case Nick and Carmine resurfaced.
A few minutes had passed. The Barkleys, Stefania, Paulie, and the others set up a camp of sorts. Upon absorbing and processing what just happened, they were preparing themselves for the worst and holding out hope at the same time. Hoping against hope that by a miracle, Nick and Carmine would come back to them, unscathed. Heath took Coco (Nick's horse), Jarrod's horse, Misty Girl (Victoria's horse), Charger (his horse), the other horse that was hitched to the wagon along with Coco, and Carmine's mule Ignazio and tied them each to something, Paulie, Massimo, and the others surprisingly lending him a helping hand while Stefania, Jarrod, and Victoria sat in total silence. Even though they processed what just happened and were getting themselves prepared for either outcome, there was still a part of them that was in disbelief. Great disbelief at that. None of them could fully believe that they watched helplessly as Nick and Carmine were swept away. The more they each caught a glimpse of that river, the more it looked evil. It no longer held the beauty it once did. It had taken on a much different look. The water no longer symbolized the greatness of nature. It was now the embodiment of cruelty, brutality, and...death. In fact, the whole area gave off a reminder of how cruel the world could be at times and this was one of those times. Melancholy had filled the air and mother nature knew it. The birds had quit singing and everything was just still. No wind, no breeze, nothing. Just an eerie stillness and a dead silence.
*A few moments later*
Victoria, Jarrod, Heath, Stefania, Paulie, and everybody else sat around in a circle. Nobody was saying a word. The silence was deafening, but what could anyone say? Nick and Carmine got swept away and possibly died right in front of their eyes. To say they were in a state of shock would be sugarcoating it. Traumatized would be a better word to describe how the three remaining Barkleys, the two remaining Manganos, and the friends of the Manganos were feeling at this time.
As they sat around in a circle and were still remaining silent, their minds began to wander into deep thoughts or that was how it seemed.
*Victoria's POV*
'How? How could this happen? Nick and Carmine were right there. Right...there and...they're gone now. Just...gone. They were...right there and now...'
I put my head in my hands for a moment then look up at the sky.
'Dear God, I hope and pray that our families haven't endured another sudden tragedy. I mean haven't we all been through enough?!'
I think about Stefania and her family losing Emilio and Santo in the way they did.
'Poor Stefania and her family. I hope and pray Carmine somehow resurfaces. This poor girl and her family have been through enough already. Her grandfather Emilio was dragged off his mule and killed in the street & her uncle Santo was lynched due to a lie. She can't lose her father. Not like this!'
I shake my head and feel tears come to my eyes as I start thinking about Beth and Tom.
'We can't lose another Barkley either! Two was bad enough. Jarrod lost his wife...and I lost my husband plus my children lost their father. God almighty, we cannot lose Nick! We can't!'
I try to hold back my tears.
'I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I...promised, but man, is it hard. Then again, I could be burying one of my own in a few-'
I shake my head again and take a deep breath.
'Calm it down, Victoria. You don't know for sure that Nick and Carmine are dead. Neither you nor everyone else knows that for sure, so before we get ahead of ourselves, let's take a deep breath and think positive. Yes...think...positive.'
I get a weird look on my face.
'Think positive? How can I even do such a thing? My son and Stefania's father could be laying somewhere dead or dying in the water and I'm supposed to think positive?! What kind of-'
I take another deep breath.
'Steady, Victoria. Steady. Let's not panic. Panicking solves nothing. It just makes matters worse and in some cases, a thorn in the side.'
I get another weird look on my face.
'No panicking? What am I thinking?! I'm a mother for goodness sake and I was a wife at one point! It's my God given right to panick and worry! I-'
I take yet another deep breath then slowly do the breathe in, breathe out thing.
'I really need to get my nerves in check. I can't afford to lose 'em and plus, all of this panicking won't solve anything.'
*Outside of Victoria's mind*
Victoria continued to battle herself internally. It was quite clear that she wanted to remain calm and hopeful given the fact that Nick was tough as nails and nothing could or would make him fold so easily. She knew this, because Tom was the same way except...well, look at what that toughness did to him. He was laying in a box six feet under the earth and the only way his family could spend time with him was to visit his grave. It was this stark reminder that made the other half of Victoria panic and internally get herself in a frenzy. She knew that she and her family couldn't afford to lose another Barkley so suddenly. They all lost Tom and Jarrod lost Beth. Two was enough.
While she fought to keep her nerves under control, she looked over at Jarrod and everyone else & reminded herself that she wasn't the only one there who was going at it with her nerves and herself on the inside. They were most likely doing the exact same thing.
*Jarrod's POV*
'Dammit! I was this close! This close to grabbing their hands and pulling them up to shore then whoosh! They're gone!'
I sigh and look at the ground.
'So close...and yet...so damn far!'
I run a hand through my hair.
'I...I can't get over it.. I mean they were right there! Right there and I almost had them, but they got swept away! Heaven only knows where they are now or if they are.'
I shake my head.
'Stefania can't lose her father and we cannot lose Nick. That poor girl has lost her grandfather and uncle already. She cannot lose her father or Nick & our family can't lose him either! We lost father and I lost Beth! Enough already! I mean isn't it-'
I take a deep breath.
'Easy, Jarrod. Let's not get ourselves in such a frenzy. Remember what happened last time.'
I briefly remember the time I went on that revenge spree after Beth was killed and shudder.
'That was not pretty and as I said after it was all over, I pray to the father almighty that I never let myself get that way ever again. It was ugliness and something I never knew I had inside of me. I don't ever want to work myself up like that again. Ever. Besides losing the temper and going off the edge is Nick's job and at one time...it was father's job. Mother and the rest of us would have to talk father down just like how we have to talk Nick down when his temper gets out of hand.'
I smile for a brief moment only to feel it quickly disappear.
'Yeah. Yeah, losing the temper and going off the edge are something father was and Nick is known for. Look where it got father. Six feet under the ground. I hope against hope and pray with every fiber in my being that Nick and Carmine are not repeats of father, Beth, Emilio, and Santo. The Barkleys and the Manganos have suffered enough!'
I feel my mind shift to Audra and Eugene back at home.
'I almost forgot about Gene and Audra. Heck, they're probably beginning to wonder where we are and the feeling of worry is probably at an all time high as of now. Those poor kids.'
I quickly remember that Silas is there and is probably doing what he can to settle their nerves.
'How can I forget? Silas is there and as of now, he's probably trying to reassure them that everything is alright. Yeah, so Audra and Gene are in good hands. Bless Silas.'
*Outside of Jarrod's mind*
As Jarrod continued to have his own battle going on, he looked over at his mother and placed a comforting hand on her wrist, knowing that she was feeling the exact same way. He then shifted his attention over to Heath. He couldn't help, but feel sorry for him. The guy had to be so confused as to what just happened and still trying to figure it all out. After all, he and Nick were joined at the hip practically and to lose someone you were that close to just had to feel like a gut punch. It was bad enough that a) Heath never knew his father and vice versa, b) Fought tooth and nail to be plus go through a rites of passage type of thing in order to be accepted as a "true Barkley", c) Watched his biological mother Leah take her last breath after she revealed who his father was, d) Had to let go of the women he truly fell for...Sally, a saloon girl who was very lonely and yearned for home & acceptance, having grown tired of wandering around and Maria, the daughter of a Spanish nobleman and land owner, who he (Heath) ended up having to let go of in order for the other ranchers to not destroy their land and for the sake of racial and lineage purity. Both were very hard losses for him, but it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, and e) Couldn't get to his acquaintance Dilly in time in order to save her from being trapped under that burning beam. Like with Leah, he had to watch Dilly take her final breath before she crossed over to the other side. Heath went through all of that and now, to possibly lose Nick, the brother he was very close to, well, that was just too much to handle let alone think about.
Somehow knowing what Heath was possibly thinking, Jarrod reached over and put his hand on his shoulder. Heath looked up at Jarrod and the two men looked at each other for a while before giving each other a half smile as if to remind each other that this was Nick they were thinking about and that something like a rough wave of water wouldn't be enough to stop him due to his toughness. Heck, like the big kid he could be at times, Nick would not only resurface completely unscathed, but he'd want to "go again" in the water in other words, be swept over the waterfall again. It was this thought that began to brighten up the smiles on Jarrod and Heath's faces, but the smiles would quickly disappear when the thought of Nick being dead or at the very least, badly injured or even sick with the beginnings of pneumonia started to play out in their minds.
*Heath's POV*
'Boy howdy, I wish I could get rid of this negative thought. I mean Nick is one tough man and isn't afraid to let it be known. Why, he's been: a) tossed from horses, b) nearly gored by a bull, c) involved in more brawls than any of us can remember, d) had his heart broken many times, e) watched father die in his arms, f) been attacked by a wolf and cougar, and g) was nearly hung during that time where Jarrod helped set the trap for Alderson among other things & still manages to keep going, so why should a lousy wave of water be his undoing? Why?!'
I shake my head.
'No. No. I refuse to believe it. I refuse to believe that a wave of water would be the defeat of Nick Barkley! I refuse!'
I get a look of surprise on my face.
'Wait a minute! Am I starting to get all fire headed? Usually, I'm the more reserved and calm one. I never get heated or this passionate. That's Nick's job.'
I nod.
'Yup. That's definitely Nick's job. I best leave that to him and try to get better control of myself. Getting all fire headed won't do any good.'
I raise my eyebrow.
'Now, wait just a minute! I have every right to get worked up! Nick is my brother for heaven's sake! We're not talking about just anybody here and I'll be-'
I take a few deep breaths in order to calm myself.
'Control, Heath. Control. If you get fire headed now, it'll only lead to disaster later and you'd kick yourself for it. So, get control of yourself starting right now.'
*Outside of Heath's mind*
Likewise to his mother and big brother, Heath was also battling with himself on the inside. He wanted to stay strong like they did and be hopeful, but another part of him just wanted to get angry and curse everything. However, he, too, knew that wouldn't accomplish anything meaningful. The only thing getting angry and cursing would accomplish was everybody getting into an argument and passing the blame around which would result in strained relationships. Something nobody wanted or needed, especially during a time like this. Nick didn't need this nor would he want this. He'd want them to be strong, no matter the outcome.
As Heath continued going at it with himself, he looked over at Stefania and likewise to Jarrod looking over at him, he couldn't help, but feel sorry for her. Like his family, she and her family faced the possibility of suffering losses to great proportions. In the case of her family, it would be Carmine, the patriarch. The one who led them through everything. The strong arm, if you will. In the case of Stefania, it would not only be her father, it would also be Nick. It was obvious she cared about and even maybe loved Nick more than anything in the world & to lose somebody one loved in a romantic way would feel like one's soul was ripped from their body along with their heart. While it was tragic to lose a loved one you were related to, but to lose somebody who just might possibly be your life partner, your soul mate, the love of your life, somebody you could pour your sorrows out to and share things you couldn't share with your family or even close friends for that matter. The person who was that shoulder to cry on and your confidant. The person one could start their life with and together, grow family of their own. To lose that special somebody or the thought of losing that someone was just...well, nobody could fathom such a loss. It was just that kind of loss that hit on a very different level. For Stefania, losing Nick would definitely hit on that different level. Unbeknownst to the other Barkleys and to her family, to a degree, Stefania was once in love with a man named Pasquale. She thought he was that special somebody she could lean on and possibly start a new life with, but as it turned out, he was the exact opposite. He cheated on her the entire time all, because he wasn't fond of waiting until after marriage to "have relations" nor did he like the fact that Stefania wanted to keep herself a pure virgin. It was, because of this, that she lost the will to keep looking until she found her true love. She had simply given it up until she met one Nick Barkley. That was when it all changed, because despite the fact that both parties had given up on the true love thing, they were in a slowly growing relationship. Taking things little by little despite the objections of his uncle Leonard and her father Carmine. However, likewise to everybody else, she, too, faced the possibility of losing two men who meant the world to her; one being her own father and the other being, if things worked out, the one for her and even more so, her future husband. A smile started to spread across her face when she thought of the idea of things working out to the point of Nick and her being husband and wife. The smile would turn into a sad look when she not only knew that her father would object to her marrying a white man, but when she also realized the possibility that Nick and her father could be gone forever.
*Stefania's POV*
'I can't believe it! I...I just can't believe that...that two people who mean very much to me can possibly be-'
I feel tears spring to my eyes.
'I can't say it. It's-It's too horrible!'
I remember what all has happened and get the feeling of guilt.
'This all resulted from Seth McMahon and his gang raping me! This is all my fault!'
I feel the tears pouring down my cheeks and quickly wipe them away.
'It's, because of me that papa, zio Paulie, and the others took Nick and did what they each did to him and now, it's because of me that now...now...Nick and papa are-'
I shake my head and put my face in my hands.
'It's all my stupid fault! I-I don't deserve to live!'
I sniffle and start to softly cry.
'I don't deserve to live! First, I cause Dominique to drown and now, Nick and papa could be gone!'
I wipe more tears away.
'I can't ever look at the Barkleys or my family in the face ever ever again!'
*Outside of Stefania's mind*
Despite her cries being soft, Stefania's sniffling was loud enough for both Jarrod and Paulie to come over to her, each putting a hand on her shoulders in order to comfort and reassure her. They each knew how she was feeling, because they themselves were feeling the same exact way. Jarrod was having the reminders of Beth and Tom play out in his head whereas Paulie was most likely having the murders of Emilio and Santo playing out in his mind. Having already lost his own father and younger brother, Paulie was now facing the possible reality of losing his older brother and best friend. He likewise to everyone else in his family couldn't afford to lose Carmine. Hardheaded as he was, deep down inside, for those who really knew Carmine knew that he was actually a nice charming man underneath that tough exterior. One just needed to get to know him better and let his grouchiness slide like water off a duck's back in order for them to see that he was the type of person who had one's back at the end of the day and was only hardheaded for their own good. Paulie knew this all too well as did Stefania. After all, he was Stefania's father and Paulie's older brother. In fact, Paulie always looked up to him ever since childhood. Carmine always stuck his neck out and did stuff for Paulie and his other siblings, even his close friends & none of them ever forgot that. That's the kind of loyalty the Manganos and their friends held to one another. Never did any of them ever go back on their word and if someone dared to do so, well, they were banished for good. Ostracized, exiled, you name it. Stefania knew it, Massimo and the others knew it, Santo knew it, Emilio knew it, and Paulie knew it. The whole Mangano family knew it and now with Carmine possibly gone, it would be the biggest blow to them since the murders of Santo and Emilio. That being said, Paulie started to think about Carmine and his toughness which brought a short lived smile to his face. Short lived, because while it gave him hope knowing that Carmine was too tough to let some silly wave of water be his undoing, he started to think about Emilio and Santo's toughness and where it landed them.
*Paulie's POV*
'No! No! No! I refuse to believe that some stupid wave of water could kill Carmine!'
I shake my head.
'No! He's too tough for that! Way way way way way way too tough for that! There's just no way! There isn't!'
I think of the times Carmine came close to dying.
'My brother has been A) thrown from mules ever since he was a kid, B) nearly mauled to death by a bear, C) sick with pneumonia, and D) bitten by a wolf four times in his life and still managed to keep on going, so there's just no way a wave of water could do him in!'
I think about it more and more & feel tears starting to spring to my eyes.
'No! No tears! No crying! Carmine wouldn't want anybody to cry over him! No! No tears, Paulie! No tears!'
I do my best to hold them back.
'Come on, Paulie. Send those tears back to wherever they came from. You're sitting in a cerchio del silenzio (circle of silence) with others. Don't you dare fold and start blubbering like a baby.'
I then think about papa and Santo & sigh.
'Papa and Santo were just as tough as Carmine and...well, look what happened to them! Just look what happened to them! Papa was pulled off of his mule and murdered! Santo was lynched due to the white woman's lie! Ohhhh! Hasn't my family suffered enough?! Haven't we-'
I take some deep breaths.
'Take it easy, Paulie. Take it easy. You can't assume things and get yourself all worked up. It doesn't erase what all has happened, but man, it's hard not to be angry! It is very hard not to!'
I look over at Stefania and sigh, once again.
'Poor Stefania. She needs someone to lean on and it won't do either of us good if I just lose it. I need to be strong for her, for Carmine, and for myself, but it is hard!'
*Outside of Paulie's mind*
Like everyone else in the cerchio del silenzio, Paulie also continued to try and hold himself together, but it was hard. Who could hold themself together during what looked like a tragedy that took place moments earlier? Who could be that strong? Who?
As the minutes kept passing, everybody continued to sit in total silence. Well, that was until Jarrod and Paulie locked eyes. They continued to lock eyes until Jarrod decided to be the first one to speak up.
"Paulie..." Jarrod sighed and cleared his throat, "For what it's worth...I'm sorry about Santo, your father Emilio, and now, Carmine. God forbid he and Nick...well, you know."
"I never thought I would say this to a white man, but signor Jarrod, I apologize too for your brother Nick, if...well, you get the point." Paulie had a hard time saying all of this.
"I hope to God they wash up somewhere and make their way back." Jarrod turned away from Paulie and stared at nothing in particular.
"Make that two of us." Paulie sighed, "Jarrod, you talked about a deal. If I may ask, what was it? What did you have in mind?"
To Be Continued...
I hope everybody had a great Halloween! Happy November to y'all! :D