AUTHORS NOTE - There's some mild gore here regarding Asami's past, but I won't dwell on it too much. If you're uncomfortable with it, skip the dream sequence with her mother!
…
The school day was finally over. Thank god! Asami was on the verge of losing her sanity, listening to the teachers talking about how great it was to be a shinobi, how they were all going to start training taijutsu basics soon. Sometimes it just felt like they were straight up trying to brainwash these kids into dying for the country.
In any case, Asami was well aware of the dangers of a future shinobi career, so she didn't pay much attention to what they said outside of what seemed useful. While they were still too young to learn about the more complex aspects of politics and shinobi skills, the teachers did occasionally mention some interesting tidbits about foreign relations with other villages, as well as some common shinobi tactics. Asami mentally filed those away for later.
Right now, though, she had promised to meet up with Gaara at the playground. Asami legitimately has no clue what they're gonna do, besides maybe having an extremely stunted conversation about whatever the hell children these days like, but Asami's going to try regardless. After all, she doesn't have to be his best friend, right? Some basic kindness should help him get out of his shell. Maybe when people see her talking to him, they'll be more inclined to actually treat him like the four year old he is.
Asami isn't naive enough to have faith in this idea, but a girl can dream.
She packs her stuff up into a bag. She hasn't written anything on her notebook yet, despite actually paying attention to today's class, but if she can find some spare cash she might invest in a secret notebook to hide away from the matron, and revise the content by herself. She's still determined to fail every class she can. Even if the elders want her to graduate, at the very least she's going to make it a massive inconvenience for them to try. She'll be out of their radar soon enough, anyway, because she doesn't intend to be Gaara's friend for too long. Hopefully they won't be too much of an issue.
Asami walks out of the class, bumping into Kin while they walk away and mustering the best glare she can direct at her. Kin glares right back, and when Asami is out of Kin's sight, Asami huffs and rolls her eyes. Talk about stuck up, huh?
She takes the familiar route to the playground, hoping to get there before the other kids do. Asami looks around and - score! The swingset is empty. She makes her way there with a mild grin, feeling immensely satisfied, and plops herself down onto one of them. She can wait here for Gaara.
"Um, excuse me?"
Guess she won't have to wait long for him, then. Asami turns around, still sitting down on the swingset, to face Gaara. He looks exceptionally nervous.
"I'm sorry, but I - uhm, I don't actually know your name?" Gaara mutters. He can't seem to make eye contact with her, and is speaking in a low voice so the other kids don't hear him, but it's a start, Asami thinks.
"It's okay. I should have introduced myself yesterday, I guess. That was kinda rude of me, huh?"
She's trying her best to look relaxed, trying to ease him into having a normal conversation. Gaara, though, looks slightly intimidated. He doesn't respond.
"My name is Hajime Asami, but you can just call me Asami. No one really uses my last name, so..." She takes a moment to think about what she should do next . "Your name is Gaara, right?"
He looks up at her, with a strange mix of hope, fear, and desperation in his eyes. Asami has never seen anyone with this kind of look before - neither adult nor child.
It looks like crushing loneliness.
He's still for a few seconds before he finally makes eye contact with her, albeit shyly.
"Is - is it okay if I ask you a question? It's a little forward."
Asami really did not expect that. He's much more eloquent than she expected him to be, since he's only four. The other kids don't really have that much tact.
"Sure, go ahead."
Gaara takes a deep breath before speaking.
"Not that I don't appreciate you talking to me, but can I ask why? Most people don't really… like being around me."
Asami doesn't know what to say, so she ends up staring at him for a weirdly long amount of time. Like, long enough that she starts to feel a little awkward. How does she even answer a question like that?
Gaara seems to grow more flustered by the second.
"I mean - It's just that - I don't want to offend you, and I really want a friend, but sometimes people come up to me because their friends dared them to, and I don't really know if -"
"It's not that at all!" Asami is surprised at the conviction in her voice. "I'm not doing it because someone dared me to, or because I think it's funny, I just thought that - well. I guess I just thought that since I don't have many friends either, we might get along, you know?"
She's bending the truth a little, but in this case it's probably better than telling him she felt sorry for him.
"And I don't like the way those people were treating you yesterday. That was really rude, and I don't think you've done anything to deserve it. Like, you've never hurt anyone intentionally, right? I think it's just bad manners to talk about someone right in front of them, and -"
Oh god, he looks like he's about to cry. Asami just made a four year old cry! Nevermind the fact that she's physically a four year old too, she should be more mature than this! She probably said way too much, he didn't need to know all of that! What the hell is she doing anyway?
"Oh, um -" Asami gets off the swing set, trying (and probably failing miserably) to comfort him.
"Is everything okay? Did I say something wrong?"
"No! But, aren't you scared of me?" There are tears dripping down his face now. Good god, Asami has no goddamn clue how to deal with this. Oh fuck.
She raises her hands before pulling them back, remembering that she shouldn't try to touch him. Who knows how the sand would react?
She grimaces as she attempts to console him, flailing her arms around wildly. "You've never done anything to make me scared of you! Please don't cry, Gaara! I hate it when people cry! I'm shit at comforting them!" Oh lord.
"I'm sorry, I'm just happy!"
"So stop crying!"
…
Asami had hung out with Gaara for the rest of the afternoon. It hadn't taken him long to stop crying, but his eyes were rimmed with tears for the duration of their "playdate". Referring to it as a playdate felt weird, but she is currently four - at least in body, if not in mind.
To Asami's surprise, they had actually gotten along quite well. She didn't have many interests (that were normal for a toddler) but she and Gaara had both enjoyed the same books and music. To her surprise, he also wasn't into shounen genres that much.
"I don't think there's anything wrong with them, but I also don't see the appeal." He'd told her. "All of the things in those kinds of manga are stuff shinobi can do, so it's not really exciting."
Holy shit! He was so right about that!
"Me too!" Asami beamed at him. "I don't really get the hype behind them at all! It just feels like the protagonists always put themselves in unnecessary danger. Why doesn't anyone just want to live a peaceful life? That's what I want for myself. Fuck being a shinobi!"
To his credit, Gaara seemed unphased by her extensive use of profanity, though he did look at her weird. Did he not get what she was saying?
"Why not?"
Asami stared at him, wide eyed and slack jawed.
"What do you mean why? Do you know how high the shinobi death rates are? It's insane! And it's not like the pay is good, either! Why would I risk my life for a country that doesn't even wanna give me fair wages for my work?" She gestured with her hands as she spoke.
"It's just plain stupid! Not that I would do it even if the salary was decent, but I wasn't even given a choice! They just threw me in the classroom and told me it'd be cool. As if! What a bunch of jackasses."
Gaara stared at her blankly.
"...What's a jackass?"
…
Before she goes to sleep, Asami takes what is probably the shortest shower of her two lives. Water is a rare resource in Suna, so the orphanage makes sure to carefully monitor how long each child spends using it . At the very least, the cold water provides some relief from the burning heat of Wind Country. Her skin has had enough sun, thank you very much.
Asami leaves the shower satisfied, towelling off her shoulder-length hair. It's grown long enough to get in her way now, and Asami makes a mental reminder to ask the Matron to cut it for her. A bob would be pretty nice, actually.
She toddles over to her room, dressed comfortably in some second hand pyjamas, and settles down into her bed. She isn't given much privacy though, seeing as she has to share the room with some ten other kids whose names she can't be bothered to remember. She closes her eyes and waits for sleep to come.
And waits.
And waits.
.
.
.
Goddamn it!
She shifts into her blankets yet again, rolling and trying to find a more comfortable position. Asami finally settles for just taking the damn covers off entirely. She can tell it's going to be a rough night. Her brain can't seem to stop functioning, and thoughts keep flowing in, unwanted and bothersome. She thinks, most of all, about Gaara. About the fact that she's actually a little less scared of him now. He really is just a child, and whatever happened to set him off in the original series apparently hasn't occurred yet, so maybe she actually has a shot at keeping him somewhat safe, until…
Asami can't actually remember what flipped the switch. Her memory of the series isn't fully present, seeing as she only really watched it when she was very young.
…
Asami (No, that's not it, right?) walked towards her mother. She felt much taller than she had been in a long time. Her mother was facing away from her, flipping pancakes on a stove while softly humming to herself. Her thick brown hair was tied up, away from her face in the usual style Asami remembers her wearing.
Asami? That's not her name, though. Her name is -
What's her name again?
She can feel herself spiralling. Why can't she remember her name? What's wrong with her ?
Before her thoughts can worsen, her mother places a plate of pancakes in front of her. "Eat up! Don't want 'em to get cold."
Asami (?) sighs and looks up. "Thanks, mo-"
Her mothers face is not her mothers face. It's covered in burns, disfigured with singed skin and melted flesh. Its eyes look mouldy and rotten, and Asami has no idea what the fuck is going on because -
"Don't look so shocked. You don't look much better yourself, honey." It grins at her, disintegrating muscle pulling at the distorted meat and fat of her cheeks.
"At least there was enough of me to bury. You weren't as lucky, remember?"
She's about to respond, tell the thing that 'no, she doesn't remember that at all, actually.' when she notices her own hands, molten skin and bone combining into one disgustingly mutilated limb.
Asami can't breathe. Her ribcage feels stuck in her chest and her lungs can't seem to expand, but when she looks up again it's not the thing (her mother) that's looking at her.
It's Gaara. And he's looking at her with this vicious stare that Asami can't even begin to comprehend, let alone associate with the boy she actually knows.
Evidently she should have been ready for something like this, because the sand that suddenly appears around him floats like a predator ready to strike, and speeds directly at her - violently, with hate in his gaze, he directs it straight to her chest. Asami just barely dodges and is about to cry out, desperate for help but unable to move properly, when she suddenly sits up in her bed in a cold sweat.
Asami's face twists with relief - fuck, she's so scared! She rests her face in her hands, begging herself to slow down her breathing, goddamn it! She inhales, then exhales, counting the seconds in between and willing herself to relax enough to look around, and figure out what she's supposed to do.
Finally, she looks up. Her hands haven't stopped shaking, but at least she can focus on her surroundings. It's still dark outside, but Asami can see the faint rays of sun beginning to rise.
The nightmare was short, but still enough to thoroughly unnerve her. She decides she should probably get up and actually do something useful with her time before those idiots at the academy come to drag her to school.
As Asami readies herself, her thoughts wander to her nightmare. She's struggled with recalling her mothers face outside of dreams, and her corroded, rotten nightmare face isn't helping at all.
Asami remembers her past life with a concerning lack of accuracy, and her memories of her mother are faint at best. She tries not to think about the implications of that.
…
Touya, perched high on the building facing the orphanage, watches the girl. He isn't here to collect her today; that job has been relegated to another Jounin. Instead, today he dons his porcelain jackal mask and simply observes.
She wakes up earlier than the other children on a regular basis, but this is an anomaly - the sun has already risen, but this isn't the normal time for her to look for a hiding spot. Not to mention, she's carrying her backpack with her - and it looks fuller than it should be. Touya observes as she walks around the village, tailing her from the corners of buildings, his anbu training kicking in - no one will see him unless he wants them to.
As he observes her, he notices the girl looks troubled; The kind of troubled he recognizes from years of working with traumatised comrades, and decidedly not something he should be seeing in a 4 year old child. It hit's uncomfortably close to home as he remembers his own childhood, and eventual induction into the shinobi world - into anbu. Touya knows, though, that those are dangerous thoughts better left alone. He focuses again on the girl.
She's walking towards… an abandoned training arena? It's a secluded sand dune, littered with boulders and small caves, one of which appears to be the girl's destination. Touya sneaks into the cave shortly after her, taking great care to remain safely out of sight, and to conceal any sound he might make. He hopes he won't see anything of great value, or he'll have to report her to the council.
…
Asami wants to do something with her time. Something that can yield results. Maybe even something of great value.
She's going to train. Actual, physical training.
Damn. Fuck her life.
She starts by warming up a little. Some mild laps around the small cave are enough, considering her stature and physical age. Being four is getting old pretty fuckin' fast.
She stops her laps and starts some other warm ups. Jumping jacks, stretches, and every other basic tenet of exercise she remembers from the academy (which admittedly isn't much, but whatever) are all included in her wacky routine, and by the end of it Asami is really regretting coming here in the first place. Alas, she knows that weird Jounin (taiko? Tatsu) was somewhat correct. Even though Asami won't give up her original goal of flunking the academy, she'd much rather be prepared for the worst possible outcome: the dreaded graduation. If that ever happens to her, and that's a big if considering her current grades, Asami needs to be prepared. She needs to be strong.
Which is why she stole a set of Kunai and Shuriken from the school storage supply. They're not supposed to look at those until three years from now, but the sooner Asami can familiarise herself with actual weapons, the better the grasp she can have of how to use them effectively. Emphasis on effectively; Asami doesn't want to accidentally hurt herself at any point during her individual training.
The textbook she swiped from one of the older boys has a theoretical section on weapons usage, so she makes sure to study that before she even picks up the stolen equipment. He wasn't really going to miss it anyways; Asami knows he was just slacking off during class, and the doodles on the already battered book are just further proof. The section on posture is actually pretty decent, though - she stands up and attempts to imitate the diagram depicting the proper throwing posture, as well as hand movements. It continues like this for some time, with Asami copying and adjusting her technique before she tries to actually use a kunai or a shuriken.
When she finally feels like she's not gonna cut herself open if she tries to throw a kunai, she picks one of them up and holds it between her thumb and forefinger, just like the textbook shows, and throws it as well as she possibly can.
The kunai flies at the rock wall of the cavern at an average speed, and for a second Asami actually thinks she fucked up the throwing angle, but to her surprise, it actually sticks to the wall, sinking in pretty far into hard stone.
.
.
.
huh.
She might not actually be hopeless after all.
…
Touya watches from the shadows as the child grins in evident satisfaction before repeating the move. Successfully. Multiple times.
What the fuck.
What the fuck.
He knew she was probably faking her exam scores, but not to this extent. Four year olds are not supposed to be touching kunai. Four year olds are especially not supposed to be excelling at them.
Even though she lacks a target, Touya can tell she's making an effort to aim them all in the same general direction, and while some of her attempts don't stick that well, none of them miss.
Again, what the fuck.
He watches her practice, keeping an eye on the time - there's not much left until she's collected for the academy, and even though she's done an impressive number of kunai and shuriken throwing exercises so far she also seems to know that she can't keep going for much longer. He watches her pack up and leave the cave, following her until she hides in a new spot. This time, apparently, she chose to hide under some loose tarp next to a merchant's store.
When he senses the other jounin's approach, Touya leaves and heads straight to the tower; the Kazekage's residence as well as the main political centre of Suna. Outside, in the private courtyard, he sees the young jinchuuriki training with his father. He can apparently use kunai as well, but that's to be expected considering his status as almost royalty. His skills seem to be progressing well, courtesy of the Kazekage's instruction, but he's not quite hitting the mark.
Not like the girl was.
He enters Elder Joseki's room through the window, and sees the man reviewing some documents regarding the sealing of Shuukaku.
"Elder," He begins, "I have something of importance to report."
….
Hello All! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Per the request of a reader, I will be uploading this on AO3 in the near future, so if you prefer AO3's formatting feel free to keep up there. It will be under the same name.
Please leave a review if you have any thoughts at all! I love reading them, and they motivate me to work harder!
The next chapter should be up on the 6th of October.
Thanks again for reading!
-Sai