There Is A Reason

by DragonGoddess629

The moment Emalina Varlen loses her parents when Shiganshina fell, she decides to join the military in order to become strong. There she meets Jean Kirschtein and instantly there's a connection between the two. But one wants to join the Military Police while the other the Survey Corps. How will these two fare if they choose different regiments?

39. Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty-Nine

The Turmoil After the Battle

A/N: I'm surprised I wrote this so quickly. We are pretty much done with the Shiganshina Arc, and I'm excited to see where the following chapters will lead us. I'm curious how long this story will be!

Also, Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Whatever you celebrate, I hope everyone has a fantastic day. Here is my gift to you, so please enjoy reading!

Disclaimer: Attack on Titan does not belong to me; I only own Emalina and other OCs. Attack on Titan rightfully belongs to Hajime Isayama. Occasionally, I use reference material from the manga or anime; I take no ownership of what I use. The new story picture does not belong to me; I hold no Copyright and found the image through Google Images.

~ oOo ~

EMALINA

The air was knocked from my chest the moment Jean captured my waist. Hauling me across the street, we landed hard across the ground, my back skidding into the dirt. I instantly hauled myself to my feet to see the new titan that was on all fours had captured Reiner in its mouth. Additionally, there was a person sitting atop the titan, its limbs missing as steam blew from his body.

"No!" I cried.

The large titan then ran off in the opposite direction. From across the way, Connie was about to leave his post as he screamed about going after the titan to recapture Reiner. Hange yelled in his direction, stating that he had little to no gas left and that it was futile. However,Ihad gas. I could get Reiner back.

Standing to my feet, I ignited my ODM and flew into the sky. "But I have gas!" I cried out. From below, Hange stared at me, her mouth wide open.

"EMALINA!"She screamed. "Come back! It's no use!"

"No! I will bring Reiner back, and he will suffer for what he's done!"

Flying across the sky, I could see the large titan running away. Since I had been in my titan form nearly the entire time, my gas tanks were practically full, and I would use that to my advantage. Zooming in and out through whatever buildings remained, I pushed forward. Reiner would not leave my grasp. I would capture the bastard, and he would pay!

"REINER!"I yelled murderously. From my position, I barely could see the male lift his head in my direction. I may have cut off all his limbs, and his eyes were still covered, but his hearing was still in perfect condition. "Get back here, you asshole!"

But the male sitting on top of the titan laughed hysterically. "You will never catch us, you bastard!"

"Wanna bet?!" I roared.

I could feel the power in my limbs as I pushed forward. I was flying so fast that everything was a blur. As I flew closer to the titan, there were no shapes. The man sensed my presence and turned around, his eyes slightly widening upon seeing that I was nearly beside the titan carrying him.

"Hurry, Pieck! She's gaining on us!"

"I don't think so, you fucker!"

Gaining speed, I directed my body into the titan. With my blades, I slashed at the man, the metal searing into his skin as he began bleeding, his roar pleasantly entering my ears. Lowering my body, I then slashed at the mouth, and a large enough gash appeared right on the corner as the titan's mouth fell slightly slack. I reached my fingers out, my skin touching Reiners as I could grip the part of his arm that remained.

"I got you now!" I screamed, our eyes looking at each other. Though the cloth still covered Reiner's eyes, he knew I was there. He knew I had the chance to take him back alive.

But my grasp weakened as I was suddenly thrown across the way.

The large titan swung its front hand in my direction, hitting me straight in the gut and hauling me across to the closest building. I fell atop the roof with a mix of dust and dirt, with an immense pain radiating off my chest. Moving to my feet as swiftly as possible, I fell to a knee. The pain echoing across my ribs was enormous, and I knew at least one, maybe two, were broken. The large titan stopped in its wake as it stared at me. The man atop smiled.

"I told you you would fail! How does it feel, little girl, to know you couldn't succeed?"

I could only growl; a retort on my tongue didn't exist as the titan turned and made its way toward the wall. We were close to the wall, and it took a breath-taking moment for the titan to crawl up and stare across at me from the top. Clenching my teeth together, I watched as the titan carrying the unknown assailant and Reiner vanished from my point of view.

Slamming a fist into the broken tile, I wailed."YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"My voice echoed across the desolate district of Shiganshina. I had the chance; my hand was right there. I could have grabbed Reiner; I was right there!
But I had failed. This one opportunity to take back what we deserved was now gone. Accepting my defeat, I stood as slowly as I could, groaning and clutching my chest was the best I could do to relieve the pain. Glancing back at where I came from, there was nothing else to do but return to our original spot. Flinging myself into the air, I returned to Hange and Jean as I tenderly landed on my feet. As I did so, I fell to a knee again, groaning and hissing at the stinging in my chest.

"Emalina!" I could hear Hange and Jean cry. Both made their way to me and knelt.

"Why would you do such a risky move, Emalina?!" Hange was nearly yelling. I smirked, not caring in the slightest that she was angry.

"I did my duty as a soldier," I stated bluntly. "The enemy captured the person we needed most, so I did what was expected and tried to retrieve him." The entire time, Jean merely watched, his eyes on me. I grunted, "Ngh…I was close to getting Reiner back, but then that large titan smacked me in the chest."

Reaching his good hand out, Jean felt along my ribs; I winced once he made contact. "Ema, are your ribs broken?"

"Y-yeah, I think so."

"You'll be able to heal them, right?"

"I can. It might take some time." I sighed heavily, my eyes moving between Jean and Hange. "I'm sorry," I muttered quietly. "I tried my best to get Reiner back; I really did."

"I know, Emalina." Hange clasped my shoulder, careful of my ribs. "You're right. You did your duty as a soldier and went after the enemy. Unfortunately…they had weapons available we couldn't even consider. Do not allow this to bring you down. You did your best, and I am proud." She turned to Jean as well. "I'm proud ofbothof you."

Jean bowed his head. "Thank you, Hange. That means a lot."

"You did a lot today. I'm impressed with your strategies to bring down Reiner," she stated. Heaving a sigh, she glanced into the air, seeing the remaining mist of Mikasa's flare. "Well…I guess we better get a move on. We need to see what the commotion is about. They must've run into some trouble with the serum." Glancing over to Connie, she yelled for him. "Connie! Do you have enough gas to take Sasha over to the others?"

"I do!" He replied.

"Good. Go ahead and do that; we'll meet you there."

"Got it!" We watched as Connie grabbed Sasha and hauled her away toward the wall. Once we knew they were safe, we glanced at each other.

"I don't think this is going to be good," I stated.

Jean tilted his head. "What makes you say that?"

"Something in my gut says everything's off."

Hange sighed again. "Well, guess we'll find out soon enough. Come on, let's go. We need to see what's happening."

Though the pain in my side was slightly better as I was healing, using my gear to traverse the district was still unbearable. But still, I pushed through despite the pain. Gritting my teeth, I pursued, needing to reach our next location. I had no idea why Mikasa fired the flare, but there must have been a reason. Whatever that reason may be, it better be a good one.

When we reached the nearest rooftop, my eyes bulged outside my skull. Across the way, Mikasa was leaning over my brother, her blade deep against his neck. Screaming his name, I raced toward the next roof, my arms circling her waist and shoving her aside.

"Emalina!" I could hear my Levi cry. Behind us, Jean and Connie landed on the roof, looking at the mess before them.

"Wait…no way," Jean commented as he stared. "How could this…?"

"That's…!" Connie said in disbelief.

And then I moved from Mikasa. Kneeling beside her, I kept my blade against her neck just as she did to my brother. It was then I finally saw what lay before us. Commander Erwin, his side completely red and bleeding out; Bertholdt, bloodied and bruised from being removed from his titan; and Armin, almost burnt to a crisp. I was horrified. "…oh my god."

I watched Levi straighten. The serum box was in his hand, and he was staring at it. I glanced at the three others - Erwin, Bertholdt, and Armin. It was then that I understood. There was now a conundrum about who to give the serum to. Should we give it to the Commander of the Scouts or our friend Armin?

Beneath me, Mikasa was tearing up. I did my best to hold in my tears, but even I knew I was failing. Sniffling, I refused to release a tear. From my position, I could see Levi glare at Erwin. I knew what decision he was going to make. Mikasa suddenly screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

"Will you shut up?!" I cried. "Your attempt is futile! What do you expect my brother to do?Hewas the one entrusted with the serum, not you!"

"We still need Erwin!" Hange cried, stepping toward me. "The Survey Corps has nearly been wiped out! If the Commander dies, too…! Humanity will lose its symbol! We can't allow the flames of hope to be extinguished within the walls!"

"But…!" Mikasa lifted her head to Hange. "…Armin could do that, too!" She then turned and harshly grasped my wrist, bending it just enough that it might snap.

"Agh! Fucking Mikasa, let go, dammit!" Peeling her hand from mine, I shoved her deeper into the roof. In a low voice, I said, "You need to understand something, Mikasa. There are a lot of people I want to bring back. Unfortunately, you just can't."

"Mikasa," Hange pulled her hand away further from me. "Ever since I joined the Survey Corps…every day has brought a new farewell. But you understand, don't you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. I know it's difficult to accept; it's hard to stay sane, living like that." She bent her head. "It's painful…so painful. I know that." She placed a comforting hand on Mikasa's shoulder. "But even so, we need to move forward.

Mikasa was openly weeping now. Hange spared me a look as she moved her arms around the girl so I could let go. I gripped my wrist, already turning purple from Mikasa's grip. From there, I watched Levi use the syringe to extract the serum in the bottle. Eren, lying near the roof's edge, crawled to Levi and grabbed his ankle.

"…captain. Have you heard of the ocean?" Levi stared down at Eren. "It's…like a gigantic lake…that stretches far beyond the horizon. Not only that…apparently…it's all made out of seawater." I knew what Eren was trying to do. The ocean was something Armin had dreamed of seeing since we met. He had explained to me several times about a book his parents owned that explained about areas that were vast and different than anything we had seen in our small world. "That's what Armin said," were his last words before Floch ran to Eren.

"Hey! Stop it already!" Floch pulled Eren against his chest away from Levi.

But Eren was persistent. "He said we'd go and see…the ocean on the other side of the walls. But that was a dream we had as kids." Now was the moment Eren started to cry as well. "I'd forgotten it a long time ago." We all stared as he continued to speak. "All I had left inside me was hate. Revenge for my mom…wiping out the titans. But Armin's different. Fighting isn't all he has. He has dreams!" Eren stopped, staring at the captain, waiting for Levi to say something, to say anything.

My brother heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. We all waited silently, but I knew we had little time. Just because Erwin and Armin were alive right now didn't mean they would be in several minutes. With narrowed eyes, Levi sharply turned to me. Stepping toward me, he hastily grabbed my hand and all but shoved the syringe into my palm. "I refuse to do this." Leaning closer, he lowered his voice just loud enough for all else to hear his words. "Emalina, you're the one who needs to decide."

There was a collective gasp as most surrounding us said,"WHAT?!"

"Levi, are you serious?!" Hange shouted. "Erwin entrusted this decision to you, and you're giving it away?!"

"I have to," he said coldly. Swallowing, he stated, "I'm biased; of course, I'd choose Erwin over Armin in a heartbeat. And…Erwin would have wanted this to be fair if there were other contenders." Taking hold of my shoulder, Levi stared long and hard into my wide eyes. "Emalina, you're the fairest out of all of us. You have a deep relationship with ErwinandArmin. It's up to you."

My hand trembled, shaking so badly I had to keep the syringe from falling out of my grasp. "But…but…!"

I stumbled over my words, but then I noticed the emotion swirling in my brother's eyes - sadness, pain, sorrow, grief. Levi didn't want the others to hate and resent him for choosing Armin. Silently, he pleaded, begging me to make the choice instead of him. I could see Levi struggling; it was obvious. Leaving the choice up to me, I knew what needed to happen. My stare turned from my brother to the syringe in my hand. Tightening my grip, I swallowed hard. I knew what I must do. My brother entrusted this decision to me, and I would not let him down. The only concern I had was whether I would make the right decision. Both Erwin and Armin were vital soldiers for the Scouts. But which was most needed and why?

My head turned to Jean, who stepped forward. "Emalina, are you sure about this?"

Peering between him and Levi, I nodded. "If my brother can admit that he can't make this decision, then I'll do it." Looking around at the rest of my friends, I said with as much strength as I could muster, "I promise I will make the best decision." Taking a deep breath, I stood my ground. "Everyone, clear the area! Now!"

"But, Emalina! You can't…!" Eren started to say but could not finish his sentence as Flock held him around the waist and flew him off. Hange did the same with Mikasa, flying far off into the distance.

"Bye, Armin. It was nice knowing you," Connie stated, grief coating his voice.

"Armin…" I could hear Jean. Stepping closer, he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. He whispered gently, "Whatever you decide, I fully support you, Emalina."

My breath was shaky as I uttered, "T-thanks. I…I just don't want the others to hate you."

"Even if they do, I don't." Kissing my temple, he left like the others.

Turning to Levi, I mumbled, "…please stay."

"Of course. And, just like Jean…" He grabbed my arm. "Your decision will be the best. I'm…sorry for placing this on your shoulders."

My head shook. "I am proud you admitted your weakness. I…I can do this." I moved my vision between Commander Erwin and my close friend Armin.

I was conflicted. I knew what to do, but at the same time, I was lost. Erwin had so many positives, just as there were for Armin. As I stared, I forced myself to think of why they shouldn't receive the serum. Erwin, for starters, was flawed. Though he was a brilliant commander, he made risky decisions and placed enough pressure on his soldiers to succeed. He was slightly greedy in wanting to save humanity and would turn himself into the devil if necessary. Did the Scouts still need a soldier like that? Would they prevail with the devil himself?

Yet, Armin was different. There were times when he had the imagination and strategic thinking of the devil, but he never turned. Armin was methodical and considered various situations based on any incident. He considered his friends' lives and those around him. He made plans and conclusions that could result in the least possible death. His mind was sharp, always thinking several steps ahead.

Who…should be chosen?

The devil or the strategist?

Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to think. It was now or never because I was running out of time. This decision was bestowed upon me. I had to make the best possible decision, not for me, but for the future of the Scouts.

Snapping my eyes open, I knew what must be done.

"I've chosen," I whispered.

Levi nodded. "You know what to do.

Glancing at the person I would not choose, I said, "I'm sorry. I'm so…so sorry."

Taking the arm of the person I chose, I placed the needle against the skin, and without reconsidering my decision, I pushed the syringe in, allowing the serum to enter their body. Once the entire liquid was expunged, I dropped the needle, no longer needing it. Taking Levi's hand, I pulled him with me as we took Erwin's body and jumped across to a different roof, not wanting to be around the person who would turn into a ravaged titan in the next moment.

Jean met me where we landed. Falling into his arms, I shook. My head dropped to the crook of his neck, where I smelt sweat, pain, blood, and pine. His only arm held my back tightly, kissing my head several times to tell me he was there. I was thankful. Pulling away, I grabbed Levi's hand. I didn't want my friends to hate me. Most of all, I didn't want my brother to hate me. He even admitted that he would have chosen Erwin over Armin in a heartbeat whilst I considered the pros and cons. My only hope was that I had made the right decision and that hate would not have been bestowed upon me because of that decision.

There was a crunching sound as Armin shifted into his new titan form. The weight of his large body smashed the roof to pieces as he fell to the ground. Behind me, I could hear Eren and Mikasa whimper, their words of 'thank you' entering my ears. It crushed my heart. I didn't necessarily regret my decision, yet I did at the same time, I did. I saved one close friend while I lost another. Because of that, I fell into myself. Small tears fell from my eyes, knowing that, no matter what, this choice would haunt me forever. I made the right decision; I made thebestdecision, though it still wasn't enough.

I could feel Hange behind me. "You made the best call," she muttered as sadness coated her voice. Part of me didn't believe her.

"…don't hate me." That's what I feared the most.

"Never," she said. "As Levi said, you were the fairest for this for this decision."

"Look!"Eren suddenly cried, pointing to the distance.

Armin, with now complete control of his savage titan, stood on his feet. As Armin drew closer, Bertholdt was lying close to the edge of the roof. This was it. I had just chosen the death of Commander Erwin Smith, and now I was to lose Bertholdt Hoover. He may have been the enemy, but he had been my friend before this happened. HeandReiner Braun.

Bertholdt must have awakened because his scream suddenly penetrated my sensitive hearing.

Armin grasped him tightly and lifted him into the air as Bertholdt screamed and roared. I could see his head turning in our direction.

"Hey! All of you!Save meeeee!"

We stood our ground, knowing this was what needed to be done. For all Bertholdt had done to our world, his death was the start of our saving grace.

Armin drew him in closer, and Bertholdt knew he was to meet his end. "Annie! Reiner!" With one last breath, he said, "Emalina! Please! I'm so sorry!"

My leg stepped forward without me telling it, to. Something in Bertholdt's voice lulled me over. At that moment, I saw my friend about to be eaten, not the enemy. I suddenly wanted to save him; I had to save him! Jean quickly grasped my hand to pull me back. I fell to my knees. This was it. The first death of our enemy was about to happen, and I nearly gave in to save him.

What a pathetic excuse I was.

Even from where I was, we could hear the crunch of Bertholdt's body succumbing to his fate. Titan Armin munched away, consuming the being that could give him alternate titan powers, just like Eren and I. Beside me, Levi grasped my hand quickly before flying off back to the commander. I couldn't blame him. Erwin was Levi's closest friend, the person who had changed Levi from who he used to be into the caring soldier he was meant to become. Erwin supported Levi with everything he had, and Levi, in return, vowed to serve Erwin because their dreams aligned. I felt for my brother as I, too, didn't want my commander to die. He didn't deserve the death he received. I guess…this was fate's way of saying this was his time. Erwin Smith's time as the Commander of the Survey Corps was now over.

"Bertholdt…I'm the one who's sorry." I voted my words in a deadly whisper, though I guess Jean could still hear me.

Jean dropped to his knee beside me, holding me close. "Emalina, I…"
I shook my head. "There's nothing to say. I knew what needed to be done. It's just…he was a close friend. With everything that happened, I wish things had turned out differently. It shouldn't have come to this…but it did." Bowing my head, I added, "The enemy needs to die for what they have made us suffer. And they will." Conviction grew in my voice. "Reiner and the rest will pay. Their deaths will come by my hands."

A thunderous thump echoed as titan Armin fell to the ground. We all gasped as Eren and Mikasa were the first to fall from the roof and run toward their friend. Connie, Jean, and I followed. I was slightly limping at the broken ribs still healing, but we made it. Beside Armin's limp titan, we watched the nape as he escaped, dragging himself away from the mangled flesh to be with us once again. Eren and Mikasa pulled him the rest of the way. Their mouths slacked, their tears prominent as they were in disbelief that their friend was still alive.

Connie, Jean, and I watched. I knew this was the answer. Reaching forward, I grabbed Armin's hand. "Welcome back, my friend."

Eren then grabbed my other hand. "Thank you, Emalina." We shared a look. He and Mikasa were staring at me. "Thank yousomuch."

Mikasa then muttered, "Armin wouldn't be here without you."

At first, I didn't know what to say. Knowing something needed to be said, I said, "I…as Hange said, I made the best decision."

"You made therightdecision, Emalina," Eren said firmly. They were biased, too, merely happy that their friend survived. I knew they would mourn Erwin, but it wouldn't be the same if Armin were the one who had died.

Turning away, I looked at my brother. Patting Jean's hand, I left them, heading straight toward the person I killed. Flying to that roof, I fell beside my commander just as Hange said, "He's already dead."

Thatpierced my heart. "He…what?"

She turned to me, her eyes glazed over. "Erwin Smith is dead."

Behind me, Levi grabbed my shoulders and dropped to his knees, holding me close. "Emalina, donotregret your decision."

"I don't regret it, I just…" Taking Erwin's cold hand, I whispered, "There should have been another way to save him."

"It was his time," Levi stated honestly.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and replied, "It shouldn't have to be that way."

~ oOo ~

The next hour passed by in a blur and slow motion. We trekked Sasha and Armin up to the wall, placing them on bedrolls to sleep. We replaced Sasha's bandages with fresh ones as we examined her wound. It wasn't as deep as we thought, but still harmful. Armin, on the other hand, was perfectly fine other than being unconscious, just like Eren and I when we first transformed. Hange and Levi refilled their gas and flew around the district, potentially looking for any survivors, but we all knew that was a lost cause. Most likely, they were using this time to grieve silently and be alone. Whatever was needed, they deserved it.

Out of everyone, Eren and I were the only ones to make it unscathed because of our titan forms. All my friends had at least some type of injury. The thought left me uncomfortable, mainly because I was partially the reason Jean was hurt.

Which is why I was isolating myself.

The others were somewhere as I found a secluded roof to hide. I know I had told myself over the last several months that I wouldn't run anymore, but with everything that had happened, I couldn't abide by that. I had to be by myself for this.

By this time, my ribs had healed, and the bruises on my wrist were gone. With my knees curled into my chest, I wept. I kept my cries as silently as possible, though they squeaked now and then. I was weeping for everything and nothing at the same time. Numbness coated my body, wanting to drown in my pain for all that we had lost. All my friends, nearly the entire Scouting Regiment, Erwin…it was too much.

Lifting my head, I stared at the early afternoon sun. It was a victorious day, and we should celebrate that we had forced the enemy away from our homeland. We even killed one in the process. But it wasn't enough. I knew deep down this battle would rage on for a long time. How long was the question that needed to be answered, but not right now. Now, the remaining Scouts needed to reconvene and think of our next plan. Whatever plant that might be, I did not know.

The cracking of tiles behind me caught me off guard.

"Emalina…?" Jean's voice echoed in my ears.

Without turning, I muttered, "…yeah?"

"I…I know you've needed some time, but…I don't want to be alone." That's when I rotated my head. Seeing the defeated look on my boyfriend's face churned my stomach.

"I may have wanted to be alone…but I don't think that's true." Taking the seat beside me, we scooted closer.

Jean was silent, just like me. There wasn't much to say though there was enough that could be said, thatshouldbe said. My head fell to his shoulder as he placed his on my head.

After several minutes, I finally spoke. "Thank you for surviving."

He exhaled. "We have promised much to each other. I survived for you."

"As I survived for you." Lifting our heads, we stared at each other before Jean placed his forehead against mine.

"For a moment there, I honestly thought…" He considered his words. "I thought I lost you to Reiner."

"For a moment there," I breathed. "You did. I…all I could hear was his voice as if Reiner was inside my head. Something was telling me what to do, who I should hurt. And the first person who entered my mind was you." Shakily, I added, "That's why you were targeted. As much as I hate to admit it, I was compelled to try and kill you first."

"I thank you that you didn't."

"Same as me. How do you think I feel? I almost crushed you to death."

"But you didn't." Turning until we were face-to-face, Jean took my cheek in his hand. "That's what you must remember, Ema, is that you didn't kill me. I am still here because you prevailed despite Reiner's ability to control you. You beat him at his own game."

"I know that. But…how would you feel if you were in my shoes? I trained so hard these past few months, but I couldn't train against Reiner controlling me again." Inhaling and exhaling, I said, "I know your words are true. We survived, and that's what matters."

"That's what you need to believe." Dropping his head, we shared a kiss. It was soft and gentle but sweet, something we needed now. Moving several strands of hair away from my face, I could tell Jean struggled with his words. Something was holding him back from speaking, and I knew what it was.

"You want to ask me something. Whatever it is, it's ok."

"You read me so well sometimes it's scary." His words were lighthearted, and they managed to get me to chuckle. "I just…what were you thinking when you chose Armin over Erwin? What was the final reason?"

"…it all came down to who could further serve the Scouts the best. I love Erwin. He's the entire reason I'm a Scout and a soldier, you know that. It's just…I hate to admit it, but he was becoming the devil, and I think he knew it. Erwin chose risky maneuvers to benefit the Scouts, to push them forward to be closer to saving humanity. But the Scouts can't live on risk all the time." Jean was silent as I spoke. "With Armin…he's different. There have been times when Armin was close to being a devil, but he considers the future with his decisions. I'm not saying Erwin didn't, it's just…Armin considered the lives of the Scouts. He made the most strategic decision to keep everyone alive. I…I don't think there was an actual final reason. My gut…" I curled myself, resting my head atop my knees. "My gut told me Armin, and…I went with that."

Copying my position, Jean turned his head to face me. "As I said, I respect your decision. I'm unsure if I agree with Levi forcing this upon you, but…in a way, he was right. I knew he would choose Erwin; there's no doubt in my mind. And are you…ok with your decision?"

"I told Levi that…I don'tregretmy decision per se. It's just…" Blinking, I took a moment to think. What exactly did I want to say? "But no matter how I look at it, Erwin died because of my decision."

"Ema," Jean breathed. "You can't think like that."

"…how can I not? Erwin's still dead, and his death is basically on my hands." He opened his mouth to say more, but I spoke first. "No offense, sweetie, but nothing can change my mind right now. I'm stuck in a loop, wondering if I should have chosen Erwin. Would he have been the better choice? I don't regret choosing Armin…but this will haunt me for some time."

Reaching out, Jean grabbed my hand, linking us together. "I know it'll haunt you. But I'm right here. I'll take some of your pain away if you'll let me."

I found a smile forming on my face, which surprised me. "I honestly don't like giving you any pain; that's no fun."

He chuckled at that. "I'd rather not have pain." He moved to pinch my cheek as I squealed. "But you know what I mean, kitten."

"Heh, yeah, I do." I fought to keep my smile, though, in the end, it fell. "…why is this so hard?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "…everything," I said honestly. "All the death, the pain, feeling like we lost."

"…but did we lose in the end?"

"Kinda? I mean…the Beast Titan and that other fled with Reiner when we could detain him…but Bertholdt's now dead. I'd say…it was both. We succeeded with what we planned to do originally but failed with the unexpected."

"Think of the positive," he said. "That's all we can do."

"Yeah…" Knocking my head against my knees, I wanted to drag myself out of this funk. I felt I deserved to stay this way, but I couldn't waddle in my grief forever. Looking back at Jean, he was merely staring, his eyes moving back and forth between mine. Tightening my grip on his hand, I finally mumbled, "I'll be ok. I hope you know that."

"I do," he responded. "You always do. I've said this before, Ema, but you are an incredibly strong person. You've been through some tough shit that others can't even imagine, and you've walked away having faced everything head-on." Kissing my fingers, he added, "You will get through this. We will get through this.g before."

"I know," I said once again. "You've never proven me wrong before."

"I have not," he admitted smugly. But then he turned around and asked, "Hey…when Armin was about to eat Bertholdt, you almost went to him, didn't you."

My head fell in shame. "…almost," I harshly whispered. "I - when I heard him call my name, I didn't hear Bertholdt, the enemy. For a moment there, I heard Bertholdt, my friend. Something in the way he said my voice just…I dunno…I couldn't take it."

"I had to pull you back."

"Thank you for that."

"Anytime, kitten, you know that."

We fell silent as if we had already spoken of everything that needed to be said. We sat facing each other, neither speaking, though nothing needed to be said. Talking with Jean lulled some doubt that had crept into my heart, laying it bare for me to face head-on. I knew I needed to face it head-on because I couldn't wallow in my pain forever. At some point, I'd have to accept all that had happened today and accept my decisions.

Erwin may have been gone, and though his death did fall upon my hands, Jean was right. Regardless of which person I chose, someone would have died either way. But I can't let that deter me. I made my decision and would stick with it. As I've said, I don't regret my decision. But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

Taking a deep breath, I was about to say something when a flare ignited behind us. Turning around, it came from the location where Armin and Sasha were.

"That's probably Levi," I muttered.

"I guess Armin's awake. He's going to love the story we have for him."

We maneuvered to the others with our gear just as Eren explained what had happened to Armin and everything in between. It was easy to tell that Armin was having difficulty processing this. I didn't blame him.

"Umm…" His voice was quiet. "So…you're telling me…the Survey Corps is how…just the ten of us here?"

Jean took a stand on the closest bedroll, cradling his injured arm against his chest. I handed him a water skein, and he drank several gulps. "…for now, yes. It's been four hours since the last battle ended…we spent it all looking for survivors but found none."

Armin's face was grim as he stared at Jean. "So, the gate to Shiganshina is sealed. We can assume Reiner, the Beast Titan, and one other have fled." I could see him swallow. "…you successfully captured Bertholdt. When…both Commander and I were on the brink of death…after a disagreement about…who should receive the injection…I turned into a titan…and ate Bertholdt." Hastily grabbing a water skein, Armin chugged several gulps of water. I couldn't blame him. I hadn't had to eat anybody to earn my powers. Armin did.

Staring downward, Armin asked the one question I hoped he wouldn't. "Why…did you choose me?" Glancing up at Levi, they shared a long stare. "Why me? Wouldn't anyone look at the situation and decide to bring Commander Erwin back to life?! Captain! Why did you give the injection to me?!"

My brother glared at Eren and Mikasa. " I said to tell him everything." They shivered at his scrutiny. "You should know…your two friends didn't see things that way. They actually went after me with their blades."

"We'll accept any punishment you give us," Eren commented.

"As you should," I growled under my breath. Eren must have heard as he shot me an upset look.

Hange stepped in. "Your insubordination will, of course, be punished. But this goes far beyond military discipline."

"…of course," Eren stated sadly, though he had to right to be.

"That said…" Levi started, turning his attention to me. Silently, I begged he wouldn't mention my name. He must've seen it in his eyes. But I knew he felt this was something that Armin deserved to know. "In the end, it wasn't me who chose you."

Armin's eyes grew wide. I shrank into myself. "What? If you not, then who…?!"

Knowing I should be the one to answer, I said softly, "It was me."

My friend slowly turned to me. "Emalina, you…? What? But - But I thought the captain…!"

"I refused to make that decision," Levi stated bluntly. "Know this, Armin. I would've chosen Erwin in a heartbeat with no consideration for you. But…Erwin wouldn't have wanted that. Instead…I decided Emalina should be the one to decide." He held up a hand as my friend moved to speak. "Out of all of us, she's the least biased. The decision fell to her."

"Emalina," Armin spoke my name gently, yet it still entered my ears harshly. "Why would you…? I thought…?"

Jean glanced up to see my reaction. I tried keeping my face neutral to avoid betraying what I was feeling, though I doubt it worked. After several moments, I replied, "Armin…I have my reasons. I understand you wish to know, just…let this stay with me." He didn't seem pleased with my words, but I would leave it at that.

My friend looked incredulous. "E-Emalina…Hmm…" He must've understood the look on my face as he, thankfully, dropped the subject. Changing tactics, he said, "If Commander Erwin is gone, then…what do we do now?"

"I also think…" Hange jumped in. Her expression surprised me as she remained impassive to her feelings. "…we should have given the injection to Erwin." She gave me a passing look. I cringed. All the others were openly staring at her. Some were shocked she was openly admitting this to Armin. "But Erwin entrusted that decision to Levi, who then gave it to Emalina. And Emalina chose you. There's nothing more to say. Except that on your shoulders now rest…the weight of Erwin Smith's life…and the power of the titans." She breathed for a moment. "That is why you live now. No matter what anyone else says. And we'll be expecting you to contribute even more to humanity. Armin."

I merely watched. I could see the weight of Hange's words and how they affected him. They were a bit harsh, but I think Armin needed to know the gravity of the situation.

"I-I'm…supposed to be…Commander Erwin's replacement? That's…absurd."

"Don't misunderstand." Levi was quick with his words. "You could never replace Erwin." Armin's face fell at that. "It's true that you have a power that no human has. Got that? Don't let us regret this. Don't let Emalina regret this." He then harshly grabbed Eren's and Mikasa's heads, shoving them down slightly. "Not her. Not them. Not anyone." Peering at my friend, my brother added, "Not even yourself. Make regrets impossible. That is your mission."

"Ugh…keep it down…"

Beside all of us, Sasha finally spoke as we all stared at her. I chuckled at her antics, loving that it was such a Sasha response. Hange found it amusing as well.

"We're no match for Sasha," she mumbled clearly. "Well…As Erwin's successor as Commander of the Survey Corps…I guess we're in the same boat. That just means that both of us…need to prepare for whatever comes next." There was defeat in Armin's eyes as he soaked in all the information we had handed him. Hange stood, declaring, "Now, then…If you're all right, Armin…I say we get going. Eren, Mikasa, Levi, and I will complete the survey. The other five of you keep watch from the four sides of the Shiganshina District wall. Eren, you haven't lost the key, have you?"

"No." He gripped his chest. "It's right here."

They took no time to leave the wall and traverse the district to Eren's house. Levi gave me one swift hug before leaving. As I watched them go, I wondered what they would find. Would whatever remained in that basement be as detrimental as Erwin believed it to be? I was curious. Would we find confirmed answers or be left with more questions?

Stepping away from the others, I needed some space. I was better than before, but I was still unsure of my emotions. As Jean stated, it would take some time. I didn't want to question how long; it was a stupid notion to consider.

Moving beside Floch, I stared out into the vastness outside the district. It was an unknown territory that I had never laid my eyes on before. Was there an ocean out there, as Armin claimed? If so, how big would it be? What was inside? But also, what lay beyond? Is that where Reiner and Bertholdt came from? Were there other humans, cities, and people that were different from us? I was curious, but I knew this curiosity could be dangerous.

Question after question paused on my tongue, wanting to be spoken out loud. Now was not the time. There would be time for these questions later, when it was appropriate. Right now, we needed to reconvene as a group and travel back home. Once back, I didn't know what would happen. Would there be backlash for all the deaths we suffered? Would we be praised for all that we accomplished?

Shaking my head, I peered at Floch. "Anything out there we should be concerned about?"

He was quiet. Pulling the scope away, he glared at me. "No…nothing I can see."
"That's probably the best news we could get."

We fell silent. Both of us observed the strange world that stood before us. Maybe for the first time, I was questioning what was out there. What else had Armin read in that book? What wonders had been hidden because we were forced to live in a cage?

"You fucked up, Emalina."

Caught off guard, I slowly turned to face Floch. First, his attention was on the scope, but then he turned to me. There was evident anger in his eyes, leaving me confused.

"…excuse me?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"You heard me. You made the wrong choice, Emalina. Whatever you may believe is wrong."

Ah. He wanted Erwin to live instead of Armin. Was that the game he wanted to play? I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I was already dealing with my turmoil, I didn't need his bullshit. Sighing, I said, "Believe whatever you want, Floch, but the decision wasn't up to you. It was mine."

"One that Captain Levi shouldn't have given you. You know nothing of the greatness of Erwin Smith! The captain said you were the fairest, but I think you were the most biased!" His voice echoed across the top of the wall. From my peripheral, I could see Jean standing. Floch could attack me all he wanted, yet I would win each time.

In a low voice, I said, "I don't know anything about Erwin?" Stepping closer, I raised my voice to match, wanting the others to hear. "How dare you fucking say that to me, Floch Forster. Out of all the newbies, including you, I'm the one who has known Erwin the longest. I'm the one who knows more than you. Tch," I copied Levi's favorite sound. "You've been with the Scouts for, what, a month? What the hell did you know about the Commander? Nothing!" I screamed.

He screamed back, stepping forward as well. "He was a great man! He was the better choice of the two, and you should've given the injection to him!" Thrusting his hands against me, Floch pushed me backward. "You're a fucking bitch, Emalina!"

"Floch!" Shoving Floch away, Jean appeared before me, anger radiating off his body. "You don't touch her like that!"

"Oh, because no one can harm precious Emalina," Floch mocked. "Stay out of this, Jean. This doesn't concern you."

"The moment you lay your hands on my girlfriend, it becomes my problem." Jean huffed. He sure was pissed. "Whatever vendetta you have against Emalina needs to stop. I get it; you're upset. But Emalina made the final decision. Whether you like it or not, what's done is done."

Floch narrowed his eyes. "And that doesn't bother you? You're perfectly fine that Emalina killed Erwin?!"

"She didn't kill him!" Jean roared. "Do not place the blame on her. Levi was smart with his decision. I respect what Emalina did, and you should, too."

The man was seething. His following words were directed right at me. "I'll never respect your decision, Emalina. You favored Armin over the commander and - !"

My hand connected with his face. Looks could kill with the glare he gave me. "Shut the fuck up," I growled through gritted teeth. "You know nothing of what I went through in those several moments, and you will never understand! I'm sorry you feel this way, but never…never tell me I know nothing of Erwin Smith! You know nothing of what you speak, you fucking asshole!"

And then I left. Floch needed to wallow in the truth and realize there was no right or wrong answer. There was just one answer, and I chose the one I believed best. Whether he agreed with me or not was his right, but he didn't need to treat me in such a way. He deserved that slap, and I would do it again if necessary.

There were footsteps behind me as I left, and I didn't need to know they were Jean's. I could see Armin's and Connie's eyes follow me as I strode past them, wanting to be far away from Floch so I could not interact with him again. If I did, he would receive another slap. He probably deserved it.

"Emalina?" Jean took my arm, pulling me to a stop. "Hey, don't take what he said seriously The guy's delusional. He had no right to state he knew more about Erwin than you."

"Right?!" I stomped my foot, anger rolling off me in waves. "That…fucking asshole!" Jean snickered at that. Turning to him, I growled, "What?!"

"Nothing, Ema. You're just cute when you get pissed."

Whether he was trying to lighten the mood or be honest or not - though I knew he was - the result worked. My frown lessened as I, too, chuckled. "He's…Floch's just an ass; always has been."

"That's true." Fiddling with his boot, Jean added, "Just…ignore what he said. Remember our conversation from earlier."

"I am," I offered the best smile I could manage. "I've had my time to think and ponder about what's happened. As you told Floch, what's done is done, and nothing can be changed. So…I must live with what I've done, so that's what I'll do."

"Good," he uttered. "Now…would you like to patrol on your own? We have another scope over there."

I scratched the back of my head, feeling slightly defeated. "Yeah…I'll take it. If Floch's over there, then I'll stay here away from him. Besides, we need more eyes on the surrounding area." As we walked back, I eyed his arm in a sling. "How's the arm sweetie?"

"Hurts like a bitch," he answered honestly. "But it's something that'll heal. Sasha's worse off than I am."

"Hmm, maybe. Regardless, you're both hurt, and I hate that thought."

"I'm glad you're not," he said, glancing at me.

"I honestly don't like that notion," I whispered. "Doesn't seem fair with everything we went through this morning.

"Just remember that we're the ones who survived. May the others rest in peace, but…at least our injuries can't necessarily lead to death." I left his words at that.

Returning to our small camp, I asked for the scope that Connie handed me. Testing it out, I observed the area outside the wall before moving toward the inside district. The entire central section of Shiganshina had been wiped out, and there were still several fires around the city. They were small and wouldn't do that much damage. But it was a reflection of what we suffered through that Bertholdt had tried to kill us. The thought that I could've died wasn't technically new, but it still cut me deep that my death could've been the result of someone I once considered my friend.

Huffing, I said, "Alright, I'll be over there if you guys need me."

Connie patted my leg. "And we'll be here."

"Good, just let me know…" And then I stopped. Straightening my back, I peered around. A slight high-pitched sound entered my ears, and I couldn't pinpoint where it was. But then it happened again. Except, it wasn't a high-pitched sound; it was a whine. Not just any kind of whine but that of a horse.

Armin, Jean, and Connie all stared before moving to me. "What is that?" Armin asked.

Shaking my head, I moved to the edge of the wall. "I have no clue." Peering over the edge, I first didn't see anything other than hearing the sound again. I was about to walk away when something black caught my attention. "Oh my fucking god," I whispered deathly. "Freyja…it's Freyja!" I screamed, my voice echoing loud and painfully.

Tossing the scope aside, I flew down the wall, my body swift and agile as my trusted ODM guided me to the ground, my legs running in my horse's direction. She stood several hundred feet before me, slowly walking, and the closer I ran, the more I could see why she was so slow. I refused to believe what I saw, but as my vision grew clear, a harsh cry escaped from my lips.

"FREYJA!" My voice screeched. I'd experienced fear before, but never for Freyja. Before me, she slowed before dropping to her knees. As I drew closer, I could finally see the damage. And it was deadly.

Skidding to my knees, my hands immediately went to my horse's face, cradling her snout as I kissed her over and over. Her name was the only sound I repeated constantly. With everything that had happened over the last several hours, my gut clenched at the notion that I had forgotten all about my lovely steed. There had been no time to think about her, and I hated myself for thinking that. Freyja should have been my number one priority when we finished the enemy. And she hadn't been. I would regret that decision for the rest of my life.

There were gashes and cuts all over her body, along with burns across her shoulders, back, and hips. Her fur was singed, bleeding as no skin remained. But…that wasn't the most prevalent injury. In her flank, a thick slab of wood pierced into her stomach. The wound was bleeding, and even I could tell the wood was lodged deep into her belly. Trailing my fingers over the wood, my stomach dropped. At that moment, I knew there was nothing I could do.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I would fight to save my horse, Freyja would die.

Crying into the open air, I wept. Screaming, roaring, shrieking, wailing - I did all of it. My heart burst open, fearing the worst for my longest friend. My head fell against Freyja's neck, my tears soaking her crusty fur, forever sinking into her body as she would remain in this desolate district forever. No longer would my beloved steed prance through the open plain. No longer would my horse eat her hay and play in the water. No longer would Freyja live the beautiful life she deserved.

I don't know how long I knelt there, my face in Freyja's neck, my face flooded with tears. My eyes stung, and I knew my face was not pretty. My eyes were starting to swell with the amount of crying I had done in just a matter of minutes.

"Emalina!"

Jean's voice echoed in my ears just as he landed beside me. As he drew near, I heard his gasp, his knees falling beside me. "Oh my god," he whispered. His good hand found my back, rubbing circles into my shirt. It didn't take much to know he had nothing to say. Jean knew, just like everyone, what Freyja meant to me. She was my best friend. She was my first horse. Not only that, but she was my last connection to my village…and my parents.

Minutes passed, and Jean still didn't say anything. His hand didn't leave my back, and I did nothing but cry. Beneath us, Freyja tried to whinny, though it came out painful. I knew she was suffering, and as her owner, it pierced my heart that there was absolutely nothing I could do. No matter what I did, nothing could alleviate her pain. Freyja was suffering, and she would suffer until she took her last breath.

I kissed her snout again. A cry released from her mouth, causing my sobs to increase and my chest to heave.

Stealing a glance at Jean, even his face had fallen. Over these last several years, Jean grew to love Freyja as I did. He knew she was my baby and loved her with everything he had. He treated her as special as he did me, always loving her how she deserved. I will never forget the kindness he displayed to my horse. Lifting myself, I kept a hand on her neck, rubbing circles into her beautiful black fur, wanting Freyja to know I was there. I wouldn't leave; I couldn't leave. In her eyes, my baby knew it, too.

Her breath caught, wheezing as blood pooled out of her mouth. Gasping, I placed my hand against where her heart lay, feeling the weakness of her muscle in my palm. This was it. Her life was leaving her, and as I stared into her beautiful eyes, we both knew this was it.

There wasn't much I could say, but there was one thing I could do - my last gift to Freyja.

I sang.

Rubbing her cheek, I swallowed. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…you make my h-happy, when skies are g-gray…" Holding a hand over my mouth, I couldn't sing to her like I used to. This was too much. The way my heart beat felt as if it was melting, leaking past my ribcage in a way to escape, wanting to leave the feeling of crushing it to pieces. "You'll never k-know dear, how much I l-love you…so please don't t-take, my sunshine away…"

Freyja's eyes closed. Her last breath was weak as her chest stopped moving.

Time slowed.

I blinked, not accepting what had just happened.

"Freyja…?" Shaking her neck, I continued to state her name; there was no response. I knew there would be no response, but I still had to try. "Freyja? Freyja?!" But there was nothing. She didn't whinny, she didn't smile. My beautiful horse lay before me - dead. "FREYJA!"

Falling upon her side, my cries were loud and powerful. My friends atop the wall could hear me, and they could probably guess what had happened. Beside me, Jean remained still, his hand moving from my back to my shoulder, fingers sinking into my skin. He was silent, grieving in his own way but also not knowing how to console me. I didn't even know how to console myself.

No matter how much I shook her, Freyja would not wake up. I knew she was gone; I knew she was dead. But I just couldn't accept it. Freyja was the daughter of my parent's horses and was gifted to me several years before they died. We had lived together; I'd slept in her stall numerous times, played in the water when I gave her baths and went on beautiful outings, just the two of us. But there was nothing I could do.

Pulling myself away, there was no point wishing for the pointless. Nothing could bring her back. This would be the last time I looked at my beautiful Freyja.

Clearing my face did no good as the tears were constant, flowing swiftly down my cheeks.

I hadn't spared a look at Jean since he joined me. Rotting to him, my lip trembled, and he immediately engulfed me, knowing I wanted to hug. With his one good arm, he tightened his grip around my back. His face fell into the crook of my neck, and I noticed my boyfriend was also crying. I should've expected him to, and I was thankful he was. It showed me that he honestly did care for my beloved steed.

We stayed that way for a long time, but I don't know how long. Our cries united as we mourned the loss of a beloved friend. Eventually, I needed to see my boyfriend's face. As I pulled back, Jean cupped mine, using his one thumb to clear my cheek.

"Emalina, I…I'm so sorry. Everyone knew what Freyja was to you, and I…"

I shook my head. "…there's nothing to say. Freyja lived an amazing life, I just…" My breath caught in my throat as I choked a gasp. Casting my head to stare at her, I added, "She didn't deserve to die this way."

"No," he whispered painfully. "She didn't." Pulling my stare at him, he said, "But you were by her side. Remember that she didn't die alone. I know that Freyja wanted to see you in her final moments. That's why she made her way over here. She knew where you were."

I hadn't thought about it like that. "You…you think?" He nodded. "I-I just…" My breath caught again as I covered my mouth. "…she's gone. W-We'll never…we'll never go on adventures again. I'll n-never give her a bath…she'll never stick her head outside her s-stall when I walk up." Whimpering, more tears fell, despite me not wanting to cry anymore. I didn't want to cry. Nothing would bring my Freyja back; I knew the truth. Though I wanted her back, she was forever gone.

Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head toward the sky. Several birds flew over the Shiganshina District toward the outward territory we knew nothing of. The sky was a brilliant blue with small sections of clouds floating by. In that sky, I knew Freyja was resting. She was in a special place where she could roam free and eat as much grass as she deserved. Such a thought alleviated the pain. She was no longer in pain. She no longer had to suffer.

I allowed several more tears to fall, the river on my cheeks cold. Using the edge of my shirt, I dried my face, inhaling deep, calming breaths. I would still cry for my baby. The pain wouldn't go away any time soon, but at least, for the moment, I was able to accept her death.

Lowering my head, I muttered, "She's in a better place."

Jean nodded in agreement. "She is. And you'll be with her someday. Not for a long time, but you'll meet her again."

"You…you think so?" My head tilted.

"Yeah…I do," he muttered gently. He leaned forward and kissed my head, his lips lingering for several seconds. "I know it's hard, Emalina…but everything will be ok."

"It…will. I just…" A shaky breath escaped. I then shook my head, not wanting to linger on Freyja's death. "Would it be ok…I-I know we're supposed to be on surveillance, but…can I stay here for a bit? I don't…" I peeked at my baby. "I don't want to leave her just yet."

"You don't even have to ask. You take as much time as you need. If Levi and the others come back, I'll explain what happened. Is that…ok for me to do?" I nodded. After a moments heartbeat, he asked, "Would you…like me to stay here?"

"…I don't know," I answered honestly in a small voice. "I love your presence, but…" I looked him in the eye. "I feel like I deserve this time alone with Freyja."

He accepted my answer. "You take as much time as you need. Floch, Connie, and I will be up there; three pairs of eyes should suffice." Casting his head toward Freyja, Jean sighed. "Emalina, you raised a damn good horse." Kissing my cheek, he said, "And you'll raise more, I know this. The life of the horse is in your blood."

"You did promise me a farm full of horses," I smirked. How I was able to do so was beyond me.

"I did, and I still promise that will happen. We'll have so many horses and foals you won't know what to do with yourself."

"No, I know what I'd do."

"Oh?" His eyebrow rose. "And what would that be?"

"I'd teach our children what my parents taught me."

Jean smiled at that, remembering the promise of a family we'd create. "I would love that, and I know our children would love that, too." He then stopped. "You're not…" He narrowed his eyes at me. "You're not trying to tell me something, are you…?"

I instantly caught on to his words. "No, no! Not yet, sweetie, calm yourself." I chuckled, but when my peripheral saw Freyja, that same laugh fell silent. "…no matter where I look…death always follows me. It'll never leave."

I don't think Jean knew what to say to that. "You've been…exposed to it more than a lot of people, more than most of us. It…Fuck, I don't know what to say. We knew what we were getting into when we joined the Scouts."

"I learned that years ago, and it hasn't deterred me. But knowing that doesn't make it easy. Nothing will, especially when we never know when death will happen." Taking his hand, I kissed his fingers. "But we can keep living. Surviving and living another day, especially you and me. We have too much at stake for our lives to end now."

He stared at me long and hard. "I wasn't kidding. All those months ago when I said I wanted to marry you, Emalina. I mean it."

I could feel my cheeks blush. "I know," I allowed a small smile, the memory special in my heart. "And I want to marry you so, so badly. But…not yet. Don't you think it's too soon?"

He nodded. "Unfortunately," he released a tiny laugh. "I'd marry you tomorrow if I could, but I agree. We need at least one more month of dating." He winked.

"One more? Is that all?"

"Well, when you're meant to be like us, time doesn't matter."

That caught my attention. Rubbing at my eyes as they were swollen, I watched Jean closely. "You…you think we're meant to be together?"

"Yeah, of course." He tilted his head. "Don't you…?"

"I do. I've thought that this entire time. What's that saying? Soulmates always find each other?"

His grip tightened. "Then I've found mine."

"Me too," I replied automatically. We stared into each other's eyes. We were having a silly conversation, but it was needed, especially after today. Our love was strong, and we knew we were meant to be together. I was meant to see Jean get his head smashed by Shadis. We were meant to become friends. We were meant to fall in love. I would treasure this relationship until my dying breath.

Releasing a sigh, Jean stood to his feet. "I think…they need me back there. Are you…you want to stay here?"

"Yeah." I faced Freyja, her body already stiffening beneath my fingers. "I know we can't take her with us, so…I just need some more time."

"Take what you need." Kissing my head, he withdrew his handhelds. "Come find us when you're ready." And then he was gone.

The loneliness set in instantly. I requested to be by myself, but it still wasn't easy. Rubbing my palm over Freyja's snout, I enjoyed how her black fur tickled me. Freyja had always been a gorgeous animal, living with such grace. And now, she was gone. Lifting my head to the sky again, I watched the clouds dance. Jean's words from earlier were nice to hear. I would once again see Freyja in the next life after this. I don't know when that would be, but I would be able to hug her then.

"I love you, Freyja. You were…the best horse I could ask for. Rest well, my friend. You have earned it."

~ oOo ~

We're not entirely done with Season 3; there are probably one or two more chapters before moving to the final season. That's going to be tricky.

DragonGoddess629