(Ponyboy)
As soon as Dary left, Soda and I got to planning. And sure, I was still kinda hurt that they hadn't told me about his birthday, but I was still determined to do something to make today at least a little special for Darry. After everything he's done for me, it seemed like the least I could do.
Grocery list in hand, Soda and I set off on foot to the store. Soda said he wanted to make one of Darry's favorites tonight, but considering the two of us were somewhat lacking in culinary skills, we decided on meatloaf. My stomach was still cramped with nerves for the impending court case tomorrow, but I was determined to push past that for Darry's birthday dinner.
I followed Soda around the store, carrying the list while he carried the basket. I didn't know where anything was in this store so I just wandered behind him, reminding him of items on our list as he led us up and down the aisles.
I shouldn't have been surprised, but shopping with Soda was actually fun. Soda made everything fun. He juggled cans in the soup aisle and made silly faces at a baby in a cart, making the kid giggle and clap.
"You're crazy" I tell him with a smile.
He doesn't deny it, just waves goodbye to the baby in the cart as the mom steers them out of the aisle.
We'd gotten almost everything on the list, we needed just two more items- candles and cereal. Soda led us to the right aisle, which seemed emptier than the other ones, it's shelves more bare.
"Hmm, looks like we might have some slim pickings on cake decorations" Soda says as his eyes scan the nearly empty shelves.
"Here we go" he says happily, snagging the last pack of candles. He turns them over in his hand to take a look at them and then his face falls. "Shoot, I don't think we can get these ones for Darry"
"Why not?" I ask, worried they might be too expensive.
"They're princess themed" Soda says, thrusting the candles toward me.
I take the pack from him, seeing for myself just how pink and sparkly they are.
"Darn, that was the only pack too. Guess we'll have to do without candles" Soda says with a shrug.
I tighten my hand on the pack. Sure, these are the girliest candles I've ever seen in my life, but Darry deserves a nice birthday, and what's a birthday without blowing out the candles to make a wish? If anyone deserves a wish, it's Darry.
"Can..can we still get them?" I ask Soda, kinda nervous he might snap at me.
"You want to get Darry pink sparkly princess candles?" Soda asks me, quirking an eyebrow up.
I nod, "I know they're girly. But every birthday cake needs candles and I want Darry to have a good birthday"
Soda smiles, understanding in his eyes. I chide myself for being nervous he would snap at me. This is Soda, the most understanding person I've ever met.
"Okay" Soda says, taking the pack from me and putting them in the basket, "Pink candles it is. Princess Darry is in for a real special birthday. Let's get the corn flakes and then blow this popsicle stand"
We make our way to the cereal aisle. Thoughts of birthdays past plague my mind. I think about how sad and lonely I was on my last birthday, and how one person showing me an ounce of kindness had been the highlight of it, a pack of cigarettes and a pepsi had been the first present I'd gotten in years.
I almost don't say something, but Soda makes me feel like I can tell him anything and I know he'd understand. He gets me.
"My last birthday wasn't so great"
"Yeah?" he asks gently.
"Most of my birthdays weren't so great, actually" I say, keeping my eyes fixed on the cereal boxes instead of my brother.
"It's hard, being alone on your birthday" Soda says, "But you ain't alone anymore. None of us are". He bumps me with his shoulder. I look up at him, matching the smile he's sending me.
"I thought about you. Every year on your birthday" Soda tells me softly.
"Really?"
Soda nods, "The first time I ran away from the boy's home was your birthday. I was going to try and find you"
"I wish you had" I tell him. Soda finding me would've been the best birthday present I could ever get.
A look of guilt settles on his face, "I should have. God, Pony, I'm so sorry. I should've kept looking and -"
"Hey" I interrupt him softly, "It's not your fault. You were just a little kid then too, you couldn't have done anything.". I hadnt meant to make Soda feel guilty, especially since I don't blame him at all for what happened. "If anything its my fault, for forgetting"
Soda shakes his head and one of his hands snags my arm and squeezes, "It aint your fault either, Pony. You just said it, we were little kids"
I shrug, still not ready to forgive myself.
"I think I would've forgotten mama and dad too, if I didn't have the pictures" Soda confesses in a guilty whisper, "I can't even remember what they sounded like anymore. You ain't the only one who forgot"
He looks so sad, sadder than Sodapop should ever look.
I make a vow then, with Cap'n Crunch and Tony the Tiger as my witnesses. "I won't forget you ever again" I promise him.
And right there in the middle of the cereal aisle, I dive into Soda, squeezing him around the middle and burying my face against his chest. He drops the basket and his arms go around me, hugging me back just as tight.
We hold onto each other, unspoken promises to remember each other pass between us before we break apart. I feel like maybe I should be embarrassed about such an open display of affection but honestly I don't care.
Soda pats me on the back as we break apart. He doesn't look embarrassed about our moment either, just picks up the box of cereal we needed and hooks the basket back on his arm. We head to the front to pay and then make our way back home.
…
As nervous as I am for tomorrow, I'm trying my best to make myself eat tonight. I know I've been worrying Soda and Darry with how little I've been eating, but I really can't help it. My stomach feels like a slippery pit of snakes, twisting around inside of me. But tonight I'm determined to eat and act normal for Darry. I figure I'll let myself get back to worrying after.
Me and Soda have dinner ready as soon as Darry gets home. We'd made meatloaf and garlic bread and mashed potatoes, which Soda had dyed green when I wasn't looking. Darry barked out a laugh when he saw them, shaking his head fondly at Soda.
After eating and cleaning the dishes, which Soda and I insisted on doing even though we cooked, Soda made Darry close his eyes while he put the candles in the cake.
I flinched at just how pink the candles were but Soda just sends me a wink before he put the cake down in front of Darry, lighter ready in his hand.
"Okay, open your eyes!" Soda tells him excitedly.
Darry opens his eyes and they immediately land on the candles.
He cocks an eyebrow and sends us a questioning look, "Interesting choice"
Soda laughs, "We figured these would match your eyes"
"They were the only ones left" I tell him somewhat guiltily, "But we still thought you needed candles, even if they are girly"
Darry rolls his eyes and says in a dry voice, "Well, sparkles do go with my eyes"
And then he cracks a smile, "Besides, I'll get to use these on your guy's birthday cakes later this year. And I'll make sure all the guys here to see them"
Soda and I look at each other nervously before all the three of us burst into laughter. After he'd composed himself, Soda leaned over and lit the candles, the sparkles standing out even more in the candlelight.
"Make a wish, Darry!" Soda cheered.
Darry paused for a moment, looking around before his gaze settles on me. He sends me a smile before he closes his eyes and blows out the candles.
"What'd you wish for?" Soda asks, pounding Darry on the shoulder.
"Can't tell ya. You know the rules" Darry says as he cuts the cake. He puts a slice in front of each of us while Soda digs three forks out of the drawer.
I take a bite of cake, the chocolate melting in my mouth. I can't help but close my eyes and let out a content sigh as the flavors dance across my tongue. Warmth floods through me, maybe it's the sweet chocolate going straight to my bloodstream but I feel my thoughts starting to swirl.
"That's the best thing since sliced bread" I say, my eyes still shut in delicious contentment.
A fork clatters as it's dropped.
"What did you just say?" Darry asks sharply.
I open my eyes and look at Darry, confused as to what I said wrong, "I said that the cake is the best thing since sliced bread"
Darry whips his head over to Soda, who's looking at me curiously, "Did you tell him to say that?"
Soda shakes his head and opens his mouth to answer but the words pop out of my mouth before my brain can even comprehend what I'm saying, "Dad used to say it about mama's cake"
A stunned silence stretches across the table.
"How…how did you know that?" Darry asks, "Do you remember?"
My eyes dart between my brothers and the slice of cake in front of me while something (memories?) swirl through my mind. Foggy images of two figures, the smell of chocolate cake and aftershave, a sunset on a porch swing while Elvis croons in the background.
"This is mom's recipe, isn't it?" I look up at Darry.
He nods eagerly.
"And dad always said that, whenever mom made it. He'd call it 'the best thing since sliced bread' and we would ask to have it for breakfast but mom would say no"
Darry is out of his chair now, crouching in front of me and holding my hand. If I didn't have tears in my eyes, I would have been freaked to see them in his eyes too. But it seems none of us are able to keep them at bay.
"Pony, you remember!" Soda says, his voice thick with tears also.
"I still don't really remember anything. It almost feels like a dream" I say with a shake of my head.
"That's okay" Darry says, brushing a hand through my hair. I can't stop myself from leaning into his touch.
"I just tasted it and it was like I could hear dad saying it. And I could picture us out on the porch"
"Maybe your memories are coming back. Maybe you'll remember everything!" Soda says.
"It's okay if you don't though" Darry adds gently, "Most of it might not"
I nod. And for the first time, that feels okay. Darry and Soda aren't mad that I don't remember, they still love me even though I forgot I may never remember all of my life before, maybe tiny bits and pieces of memories and an old photo book will be all I'll ever have of my old life. But I think now it's time to focus on making new memories, instead of trying to find the old ones.
"I always knew mama's cake was magic" Soda declares. Darry rolls his eyes but I can't help but agree with Soda.
"It aint magic" Darry says.
"It has the power to reverse amnesia!" I say with a laugh. Soda laughs along with me while Darry gives me his classic eye roll.
"Darry, is that what you wished for?" Soda asks excitedly, practically bouncing his chair. He has frosting smeared on his face and looks ready to snag another piece.
Darry just smirks, but his eyes have a light hearted glint in them, "I aint telling you what I wished for"
I take another bite of cake. It doesn't unlock more buried childhood memories, but it's just as delicious.
Maybe there really is magic in birthday candle wishes. And maybe there is magic in the power of chocolate cake.