Play Phineas and Ferb Theme Song
The wind blows multiple calendar pages into the air, starting on June 3.
There's 104 days of Summer Vacation
Then School comes along just to end it
Phineas and Ferb sit under a tree in their backyard.
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Cue montage of the boys doing multiple activities.
Like maybe
First, the boys land on the moon. They jump out of the rocket and float forwards.
Second, Phineas climbs on top of Ferb. They try to fight a mummy.
Third, they climb up a certain French tower.
Building a rocket or fighting a mummy
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Fourth, Ferb removed a tarp to show a weird unicorn-turtle hybrid. Phineas takes a picture of it.
Fifth, the boys force a monkey into the shower. Neither of them enjoy this one.
Discovering something that doesn't exist
Or giving a monkey a shower
Sixth, they surf on a large wave.
Seventh, they create tiny robots.
Eighth, they find Frankenstein's monster. The brain is missing from the head. It doesn't take them that long to find.
Ninth, they find a bird.
Tenth, they fly on a helicopter with a large paintbrush over the city. They covered the city in orange paint.
Eleventh, the boys work on a painting. The painting depicts a red-headed girl with a mustache.
Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving your sister insane
Turns out, this girl isn't actually a painting, but the boys' sister, Candace. She turns to Phineas angrily.
"Phineas!" she shouts.
The boys do multiple things, all the while their sister watches angrily.
Film a movie.
Build a giant robot dog.
Tamper with a car.
Ride a rollercoaster.
As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before School starts this fall
Candace talks to a friend on the phone. She doesn't notice the boys carrying a live elephant into the backyard until she hears Phineas call out, "Come on, Perry!" That gets her attention.
Later, she's seen playing "Whack-a-Pest". The pests that pop out are her brothers and their pet platypus.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
Afterwards, the boys dance around and play guitar as images of the infinite possibilities flash by.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
When the boys are done, they pose. Their sister comes in.
"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!" she shouts.
The boys stare at her for a second. They then brush it off and resume their poses.
End Intro
104 Days of Summer Vacation
Day 73
Cranius Maximus
"I've got a feeling that today is the day," Candace said over the phone. "Even as we speak, my brothers are planning something dangerous, disguised as playing cards!"
Outside, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Django, and Buford were just playing cards. There was nothing else to it.
That's when Baljeet showed up.
"Sorry I'm late," he apologized.
"That's okay," Phineas assured. "Deal him in, Ferb."
"Who came up with cards anyway?" asked Buford.
"They were invented by ancient Babylonian traders and merchants," Baljeet explained.
"Actually, the Babylonians had been defunct as a distinct culture for millennium, prior to the introduction of trading cards in India," Ferb corrected.
Baljeet jumped up, screaming, "That is right! Three months of summer vacation, and I am losing my edge!"
"Has it really been three months?" asked Buford. "'Cause it feels like it's been triple that amount."
Baljeet didn't pay attention to that remark. "My brain is atrophied! It needs exercise!"
He walked out with a sad look on his face.
"Gang, I know what we're gonna do today," Phineas decided.
"And Perry?" asked Buford.
"Who knows?"
Perry was at the Flynn-Fletcher antique store.
"Here we have a marvelous 16th-century wardrobe," Lawrence showcased to a random visitor. "We had one just like this when I was a schoolboy, and inside it was a strange land with wonderful woodland creatures."
The guest just laughed it off. "You English and your fantasy worlds."
Lawrence chuckled. "Can I show you some end tables?"
The moment no one was looking, Perry put on his hat and went into the wardrobe.
The wardrobe revealed what seemed to be a snowy forest in another world…
But it was just his lair covered in snow and Christmas trees.
"Hello, Agent P," Monogram greeted. "Sorry about the trees. They were leftovers from Christmas and we didn't have anywhere else to store them. Oh, and also, the AC is on the fritz, so pardon all the frost. Anyway, all over the Tri-State Area, keys are disappearing. Businesses can't open, freeways are ground to a halt, citizens can't get into their homes, and I for one would really like to get into the executive washroom. It's got a waterfall. You wave your hand and the water just sort of… well, it's cool." He forced himself back on track. "Stop Doofenshmirtz, quickly!"
Perry saluted and left to do his mission.
Baljeet returned to the backyard with two printed sheets in hand.
"Look at this!" he demanded as he showed one picture. "This is my brain during the school year…" He then showed the other picture. "And this is my brain now."
"Uh, they look the same," said Isabella.
"I know, but it took me three minutes to remember how to give myself a CAT scan. I am flipping."
"Not to worry, Baljeet," Phineas assured. "We've done a bit of cerebro-stimulatory haberdashery since you left."
For once, Baljeet didn't understand what Phineas just said. "Huh?"
"We made a hat for your brain," Buford explained, a little annoyed, yet also concerned. "Boy, he is slipping."
Phineas tossed Baljeet a helmet. "Try this."
Baljeet barely caught the helmet, and he put it on.
"What does it do?" he wondered.
"It stimulates your brain," Phineas replied.
Ferb flipped a switch, activating the helmet.
Baljeet could already feel his brain cells springing back to life. "Oh my."
Candace saw it all from her bedroom window.
"An electric bike helmet?" she assumed. "Lame." She then called Stacy. "Hey Stacy, you and Jenny still want to go to the pool?"
"So, Baljeet, how many subatomic particles do you suppose are in that dandelion?" Phineas asked, pointing at a random dandelion.
Baljeet picked the dandelion, examined it for a few seconds…
Then he wrote a very complicated geometric equation on the fence.
"Two-point-seven-three-two times ten to the 26th power of particles," he answered. "But I could not tell you the exact location of any of them because of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle."
"Wow, I guess it works," Phineas remarked.
Doof went to his closet to grab a lab coat.
Then Perry leaped out of said closet and kicked Doof to the door.
"Perry the Platypus?" Doof reacted. "You could've at least waited for me to put my pants on. That would've been polite."
Perry looked away, guiltily.
"And do you know what we do to rude people around here?" Doof went on as he pushed a button.
Perry got trapped in a water-soluble capsule.
Doof finally put on his pants. "And there's not enough platypus spit in the world to get you out of it. Hop this way. Let me show you what I'm up to."
Only then did Perry realize he could bounce in his trap.
Well, this is… something, he thought to himself.
Doof led Perry into a closet filled with nothing but keys.
"Keys, keys, keys!" he rambled. "Master keys, skeleton keys, latch keys, skate keys, I love keys! You know, take it from me, once you've accidentally locked yourself in a milk can filled with cockroaches for a couple of hours, you'll… develop a real appreciation."
They got on an elevator which brought them up to the roof.
"However, collecting keys takes forever, so I've invented the Key-Findinator!" Doof showcased. "Cool, huh? Soon, I will be able to open any door in the Tri-State Area, but my keychain is enormous." He somehow managed to pull a giant keychain out of his pocket. "It weighs a ton, and anyone could hear me coming. What I need is one key that opens everything: the Key to the City. My pompous brother is always handing it out to some yokel of dubious qualifications. Well, today, it's going to be this yokel of dubious qualifications."
He pointed at himself for clarity.
Baljeet was still at it, coming up with new complicated problems to solve. Not even Phineas and Ferb could top him.
"This is great!" Baljeet cheered. "With my stimulated brain, I am dreaming up all sorts of projects!"
"Great," said Phineas. "Picked out a favorite?"
"I have. You see, the greatest impediment to making astronomical observations is our atmosphere. It's like looking through pea soup, so to make our terrestrial telescopes more effective, I'm going to take all of Earth's atmosphere, and place it on the moon!"
"Um…" most of the kids hesitated.
"Sounds… suffocate-y," Buford said bluntly.
"Oh, I will disintegrate that bridge when I come to it," said Baljeet.
"But Baljeet, if the atmosphere is gone…" Isabella tried to say.
But Baljeet wasn't listening anymore. "And it is so simple! I can use an ion coupling device to attract each atmospheric molecule to the second greatest gravity source, which, in this case, is the moon, and after the initial impact, the particles will bounce up into lunar orbit."
Despite everything, Buford was enamored by Baljeet's ramblings.
He is so hardcore, he thought. I am so in love with him right now.
By this point, Baljeet was already more than halfway done with his big contraption.
"Hey, Baljeet, can I talk to you for a second?" asked Phineas.
"Of course," Baljeet replied. "I will use small words."
"So, we were hoping that we could talk you out of transferring the earth's atmosphere to the moon!"
"On the day of my greatest triumph?"
Phineas noticed Baljeet's eyes were starting to act weird. "Well, we were thinking it would be sort of a hollow victory, you know, with everybody not being able to breathe anymore!"
"Science marches on."
"Okay, thanks." Phineas turned to the rest. "Brain booster. In retrospect, not a good idea."
"Yeah, brain boy has had enough stimulation for one day," Buford agreed.
He tried to disable the helmet, but the generator that controlled it was surrounded by a tiny barrier.
"Hey, what gives?" asked Buford.
"That is to make sure my work will not be interrupted by creatures who cannot understand it," Baljeet explained.
"Aw, I was so looking forward to art school," Django admitted.
"We're going to have to get into that tower," said Phineas. "Any ideas?"
After a while, things at DEI started to get boring.
"So, uh, the Key to the City's ceremony's not starting for a while," said Doof. "So we got time. Oh, and I just realized I'm wearing a white lab coat and I'm leaning back against a black tire. That's… I might have to change."
Doof got up to reveal a black mark on the back of his lab coat.
Perry was absolutely speechless.
Baljeet finally got his little HQ set up. It was shaped like a giant pair of underpants.
With the advanced technology he installed, he was able to listen in on the kids' conversation.
"How about we each get a weapon and attack him from all sides?" Phineas suggested.
"Baljeet is way too smart to fall for a trick like that," Isabella argued.
"Plot all you want," said Baljeet. "I have my eye on you. None of you can stop me from stripping away the earth's atmosphere. Oh, the thing I will be able to see."
The kids had placed cutouts of themselves and hid a cassette tape behind them to distract Baljeet.
They were actually going through an underground tunnel.
"Alright, gang," said Phineas. "This is our chance to attack the Atmospheric Device."
"He's bound to notice that," said Isabella.
"Exactly."
"This is just busy work, isn't it?" asked Buford.
The kids put on some jetpacks and flew out of a sewer hole.
This didn't go unnoticed by Baljeet.
"Jetpacks?" he asked. "I thought you were…"
He finally figured out that the kids he was seeing in the backyard were just wood pulp effigies.
"Clever," Baljeet remarked. "But not clever enough."
He then started to dance around as a song began.
Play "Big Brain"
Be careful where you tread
You got me seeing red
I'm a mental thoroughbred
All the secrets of the universe are in my head
When the kids were close enough, Baljeet pushed a button. It activated a cannon that trapped all the kids in bubbles.
You won't get very far, I want to see the stars
Maybe later on, I'll build a rocket to Mars
Now you're gonna feel the pain
'Cause you're taking on the big brain
Somehow, the kids managed to escape the bubble trap. Baljeet was confused, but he just brushed it off and continued his dance. He even created holographic backup dancers to dance along.
You're looking like you're dragging your cerebral feet
I know that you're all mental midgets, so I'm gonna repeat
I'm using little words to make it plain
Ain't no taking on the big brain
Baljeet tried to net the kids, but they all narrowly avoided it.
No hope of taking on the big brain
There's no use taking on the big brain, yeah
I said you're taking on the big brain
He's a big brain
End "Big Brain"
Baljeet finally trapped the kids in a tractor beam.
"Time to strip the atmosphere from our planet, and allow an unobstructed view of the cosmos," he said.
He activated his device. Dark storm clouds gathered above, blocking out any and all sunlight.
Doof noticed the storm coming.
"Wow, great evil weather, isn't it, Perry the Platypus?" he remarked. "It's so dramatic. Ooh, the ceremony should be starting now."
He redirected his Key-Findinator so it would grab the Key to the City.
Then it started to rain. The water melted Perry's trap.
"See, I told you it was water soluble," Doof said.
Perry went straight to attacking Doof.
"Only a few more seconds to my greatest triumph," Baljeet said with excitement. "Wonder what I will do tomorrow?"
"Attention Baljeet!" came Phineas' voice. "Prepare to surrender!"
"Surrender to whom, exactly? You are frozen!"
"Are we?"
Upon closer inspection, Baljeet realized it wasn't the kids he caught in his tractor beam. Instead, they were life-sized models of the kids.
"That's not possible!" Baljeet panicked. "I mean, clearly it is possible, but highly unlikely!"
That's when he felt someone kiss his forehead. He turned around a second too late.
Buford managed to remove the helmet from Baljeet's head, exposing his over-expanded brain.
"Oh, that's so gross," Buford said in disgust, but also a little intrigue. "But it's kinda awesome."
Baljeet's brain shrunk back to normal size.
"Something is different," he said. "How did you get in here?"
"We dug in from under the base while you were busy with our jetpack decoys," Phineas explained.
"I do not understand."
"Well, remember when we made life-sized models of ourselves this morning?"
"No."
"It pays to show up on time," Ferb remarked.
"I will get an alarm clock," said Baljeet.
"Two minutes to atmospheric transfer," said the computer.
"Oh, it is too late!" Baljeet panicked. "I do not know the controls anymore."
"Didn't you build a failsafe or something?" asked Django.
"Yes, of course! The key is right on that…"
Baljeet gestured to where the key should've been, only to realize it wasn't there.
"Here it comes!" Doof smiled as the Key to the City landed in his hand. "At last, I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, can open any door with…" He finally noticed the key's unusual size. "You know, I can't believe it's so cartoonishly big. It's almost like it's not a real key."
Perry reactivated the Key-Findinator to send all the keys back. He then hit the self-destruct button, blowing it up.
"Well, it doesn't matter, Perry the Platypus," said Doof. "I got what I wanted: this giant key… which, now that I think about it, is too big to fit through any door."
Perry let out a small chuckle, tipped his hat, jumped off the balcony, and activated a parachute.
Baljeet paced back and forth, screaming and flailing his arms.
Isabella rechecked the hook to see the key was right there.
"Baljeet, is this it?" she asked.
Baljeet noticed the key and sighed with relief. He then took it and inserted it into the keyhole, disabling the device.
With the device depowered, the clouds went away and the sky turned back to normal.
The kids got out of the device.
"We gotta do something about that helmet," said Isabella.
"No, no we should not," said Buford.
Everyone turned and saw Buford was wearing the helmet. He already constructed a giant metal arm.
"Behold, the Ultimate Wedgie Machine!" he shouted.
The other kids slowly backed away.
Baljeet groaned. "I almost end the world one time…"
Buford used his wedgie machine to grab Baljeet's underwear-shaped lair. Both machines launched into the air, taking the helmet with them.
Candace, now dressed in a bathing suit, came out just in time to see what was happening.
"I'm not even gonna ask," she said.
Thanks for reading.