Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
When at the Worst
Kim nervously looked around the large reception hall. Tables were prepared to one side for a later dinner and people mingled around the open bar on the other side. The space wasn't crowded at the moment, but if it did fill entirely it could be a crush. Kim quickly scanned the number of place settings at the tables. The anticipated number of people appeared manageable.
Shego started to suggest drinks then muttered a soft curse. "General Shithead," she warned Kim.
Kim saw a tall man approaching who looked like he did perfect posture exercises every morning. The girl on his arm looked young enough to be his daughter, but Kim suspected it was not a daughter and that she was right on both counts – the woman was that young and not a daughter – or wife.
The man nodded his head imperceptibly, "Bambi, this is Alexandra – the pilot I mentioned to you."
The blonde giggled and said nothing.
"Megan," Shego said by way of introduction, "this is Captain Lewis, he–"
"Major. My rank is Major. It is courteous to recognize the correct rank."
"Retired. I'm just about the only civilian around, and no one else uses rank."
"I do when I speak to others. It is a sign of basic respect." He turned to Kim, "So, Megan, what do you–"
"She's a graphic designer."
"Can she speak?"
"We just got here, and are heading for the bar. How about you drive the flaming bamboo splitters under our fingernails later, okay Colonel?" Shego suggested and took Kim's elbow and steered the younger woman toward the bar.
"Whisky. Big Whisky," Shego ordered.
Kim requested "Ginger ale, light on the ice."
Shego looked slightly puzzled, "You're legal, aren't you?"
"Yes, but if you're going to get smashed you'll need me to drive."
The older woman thought for a moment as they moved to the side of the hall. "Good idea. A few of these might make it easier for me to get through the night."
"You know, treating the Major with a little more respect might make him accept you a little better. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
"Who wants to catch flies?"
Kim and Shego chatted with each other and Shego performed limited introductions, mostly to demonstrate there was a real Megan... Even if there wasn't.
Linda came over to chat, "Joel says you're a real asset to the program," she complimented Shego. "Um... not really my business, but probation? Security is so tight here that... Sorry."
"Sometimes I think the government marked me down as expendable," Shego told her. "I had the piloting chops and a willingness to get out of jail and viola! here I am."
"Joel said something about enhanced reflexes and healing fast, I believe."
"And that may be why I get some of the least tested tech," Shego turned to Kim, "Whatta ya think? Do I get the stuff most likely blow up because they figure no one will miss me, or because they figure I'm the best qualified for dangerous shit?"
"Is this where I'm supposed to say I'd miss you?"
"If you feel like lying, go ahead."
Linda laughed, "You two are funny. Alexandra–"
"Call me Al, or Sandy."
"Sandy, um, any chance you could ease up on the Major? It would make Joel's job less complicated."
"Did Joel tell you to ask me?"
"No. My idea. He comes home some nights and all he does is complain about the two of you."
"And how come you're talking to me and not the Corporeal? The stick up his ass is at least as big as the stick up my ass. This isn't a women should be submissive thing, is it?"
"Of course not. But you're a woman. He's a man. That easily makes you twice as smart as he is, and therefore more apt to think about your actions. A little more peace and quiet might be good for everyone in the program."
Kim told the other woman, "I was just telling her that. We'll see if she listens to you any better than she listens to me."
"Well, she just met me. How long have you two been together?"
There was a noticeable silence as Kim and Shego hesitated, wondering if Linda could be testing them.
"We, um," Shego faltered.
"We were aware of each other," Kim responded in a vague way. "Then, couple months ago, I joined a dating site and she was the first person to message me. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised."
Shego laughed nervously. "I'm going with me."
"You don't think I was surprised to see you?"
"I don't understand the 'aware of each other'."
"Sandy was pretty notorious. If you followed the news you probably saw her."
"I was a bit curious. But how did she know you?"
"Megan had a buddy who followed news on crime. I met her through him. It was not love at first sight," Shego turned to Kim, "At least I wouldn't call it that. would you?"
"No way."
"I'm just happy you two found each other now. But Joel likes me to mingle so I'm going to do it. Sandy? Think about what I said. If you get a chance to pull a thorn out of a lion's paw–"
"I'm more likely to help a lion than the lieutenant."
After Linda left Shego whispered, "A little too close to the truth there, Princess. Remember, you're Megan."
"And you're allergic to the truth."
"It makes me break out in a lovely rash. You don't want to know where."