The first night sleeping in a suit wasn't nearly as bad as John had expected it to be.
It's not that he hadn't slept in armor before. Longest streak of sleeping in gear was around a month. And that was from training at ICT. Everything else, with the exception of Akuze and some odd skirmishes (Mainly with pirates and terrorists), had been good enough to spend his sleep cycle on a ship with his pair of boots and socks scattered about his quarters.
But those missions paled in comparison to his campaign against Saren. But, at the end of the day, it wasn't as intense as the vids made it out to be. Shepard, the savior of the Citadel, wasn't battling day in and day out until he got Saren's head.
Sure, the number of missions increased exponentially when he shouldered the responsibility of being a Spectre. But, when there weren't any leads on finding the indoctrinated sap (or Sovereign for that matter), he was spending his leave mostly at the Citadel.
He'd sample the local food, exercise, plan for the days ahead, and have dinner with Tali. If they had enough time (which they usually did), the two would go sightseeing and browse through some of the nearby stores for things that would catch their eye.
It wasn't always like that though. Earlier in the days of hunting Saren, John tried having the crew go out for ice-breaking activities. You know. To build camaraderie and friendship. All that trustworthy gung-ho 'I'll watch your back' stuff.
It was an admirable attempt, John would admit to himself, but they all really had their own ideas of how to go about their time off.
He yawned as quietly as he could before staring at Tali. Or whatever showed. Save for a little piece her visor, she was completely covered by their comforter.
Why she used a blanket at all was beyond him.
It may have been ironic to see her cloaked under that pale chocolate colored blanket with clumpy fistfuls of synthetic cotton (a testament to poor washing and cheap fabric), but it sure looked adorable.
Seeing her naked though back at Vista Cova was probably way better, he thought aimlessly.
John rose his hand to rub the sleep from his eyes.
Visor. Right.
Where was he? Oh. The crew not being interested in hanging out together.
Kaidan and Ash usually went off together and disappeared during their time off. John never looked much farther than that. And it didn't take a genius to know where it went.
Garrus and Liara usually hung out themselves. John didn't much look farther than that either. Although he was pretty sure Garrus had friend-zoned her. Or something like that. He wasn't particularly sure.
That left Wrex and Tali, and Wrex was already out of the question.
He'd tried one time to invite Wrex out to dinner with him and Tali; and he looked more compelled to squish his head at the offer. John hadn't bothered after that.
Wrex usually spent his time at some local under-kept bar or attending piss hard combat simulators. Never a break with that guy.
John smiled as he finally stood from his bed before shuffling lazily across the room to the door.
Naturally, since the others were so busy doing their own thing and because her schedule was free, Tali would tag along with him for shore leave. She'd happily follow him anywhere with a bright smile and giddy step.
A soft mumbled, but happy, sigh left John lips as he took a moment to look at Tali sleeping one more time.
His groggy yawn and sleepy eyes nagged for him to go back to bed… but he wanted to know how far out they were before meeting up with the Migrant Fleet.
The site of over 50,000 spacecraft crossing over a looming nebula was something to behold. And he really didn't want to miss out on that.
Prazza was the first person John crossed with.
"Hey." The Commander greeted with a monotone rasp.
"Commander." Prazza acknowledged him with a nod.
"—Hate to ask, but where are we?"
"Another twenty minutes or so before exit out FTL and hit up the Flotilla." Prazza's frown was placated with a light sigh.
"Okay. Where's Juel?"
"Down in the cargo bay preparing the freight we bought. You should actually go down and meet him; Get your things organized and ready for departure. It won't be long."
"Okay. Will do. Thanks." Prazza tiredly turned back around to face the port with his wary eyes.
John passed by his room once more before rounding the corner to a flight of stairs. Taking them two at a time, he reached the storage bay and saw Juel writing something on a data pad while hovering over a small box of Stak-aid packets.
"John. Good. I needed you." Juel put on his most sincere smile before turning back around to face the inventory.
"Hey. What's up? Need any help?"
"Some extra hands would be great." Juel said, "But firstly: your stuff. Where do you want it?"
"Wherever is best for you guys." John replied.
When John didn't get a reply, he turned around to face Juel.
"Juel?"
He saw the quarian staring at his elbow with a piece of used gum wrapper attached to him. With the gum still inside. It was safe to assume Juel hadn't noticed it there since waking up in the dump he used for a bed last night.
"Christ, Juel."
"Yeah. It was that bad," Juel said sadly before peeling off the chewed gum and flicking it off his finger, "Real bad."
"I can imagine."
"Your stuff's over there." Juel pointed to a corner.
"So, what's up?" John asked to start some conversation as he walked to his food stores and equipment.
"My head hurts. A lot." Juel replied kindly.
"I can imagine. How are Kylie and Lukh doing?"
"They're lucky. Having a headache would have been the least of their problems had Liara not showed up when she did."
"Very true."
"How's Tali?"
"She's sleeping."
"You guys have a rough night as well?"
John's hand went for the back of his neck.
Yeah. It was pretty rough.
"Uh… yeah. Wine. A bit too much." John said instead.
"Oh? That sounds pretty romantic." Juel said to take a jab at John.
"Yeah. It was." John stuttered. He set down some of his parcels and fetched for some more.
"Well, If Tali enjoyed herself, that's good."
John decided it best to change the subject. "Hey, Juel. Another question."
"Go ahead."
"What should I expect when we arrive at the Neema? About the peoples' reaction to me, I mean."
Juel's head swiveled upward to stare at the ceiling before shrugging.
"You know, I'm not really sure. We're a pretty insular group. We don't look down on other races; but we certainly don't praise them either. If you prove your worth, they won't care what you look like or how you bleed."
"We both bleed red."
"True. Very true."
"You know anything about Tali's dad?"
"Not too much. He's… an interesting man if my experience means anything."
"I can only fathom." John grumbled disappointingly.
A group of quarians walked by exchanging stories about their taste of nightlife on Illium. He swore he could hear two of the four women cackling over wanting to woo some turian at the bar they visited.
One argued that it wasn't a turian.
"Don't get too worked up." Juel said, bringing John back to focus on their conversation, "He's very aware of your accomplishments. He'll take those into account. But I'm not really sure of what his opinion is of, uh, having his daughter with a human."
"He can get over it." John stated through a grim frown. The repercussions that could follow from arguing with a quarian Admiral and his daughter were anything less than foreboding. It frightened him.
Juel faced John full on. "That's exactly what you should say if the time comes. Anything less, and you wouldn't deserve her."
John nodded and appraised the man's odd compliment. "Amen to that."
Juel saluted the Commander as casually as possible before resuming his work with a frail smile.
"How well do you think the others took to hearing about the Cerberus operatives at Freedom's Progress?"
"Can't really offer an opinion on that. Prazza certainly didn't much care to hearing it. I think he's pretty pissed actually."
"Yeah? Damn. Think that put me off on the wrong foot with him? I kinda like the guy too."
"I heard Prazza lost some good friends with what Cerberus did. If he knew any earlier with them there? Keelah, John, I don't know. The outcome wouldn't have been good."
"Do you think he trusts me?" John asked as he sat heavily on his boxed food.
"Can't say for sure. Sorry." Juel shrugged again, "But that attack Cerberus did was pretty damn personal. It was actually for the best he—…we didn't know until now."
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you any earlier." John said, "But I really was trying to avoid bloodshed."
Juel agreed, nodded, and further added to John's point.
"That, and it would've been odd having a human Alliance naval officer, for no ostensible reason, join us."
"I was getting around to that." Shepard couldn't help but grimace at Juel's keen observation while giving enough room for his hand to rub a kink in his neck, "I'm being honest. I wanted everyone to leave with the same amount of holes as they came with."
"I get that. But some people don't know any better. Hope that when we're back on the Neema? People don't think you're some kind of under-cover Cerberus agent plotting on blowing up another ship."
"Well I'm not." Is all John could muster to say with a hidden glare. Being accused of something, even if it was unintentional, made him uncomfortable.
It was an obligation, if not a total necessity, to tell Tali's people the truth. He knew the word was going to spread. But it needed to be said. Hopefully they'd understand that John was fleeing for refuge rather than making an attempt to exploit it.
Juel took the signal and put two hands up in the air in mock surrender. "You know what I mean, Shepard. It's just hard speaking to someone that Tali told me was dead for two years. Only to come up under Cerberus colors. "
"I get it." He too placed a hand up for mollification, "I understand. But I want to make it clear that I am not, in any way, affiliated with them."
Juel took John's voice inflection as a good indicator to end the conversation. "I'm going to get back to work, Shepard. Thanks for putting your stuff there."
John's thin-lipped frown stayed creased like that for another couple seconds until he finally decided to reply. "Yeah. Of course. See you around."
John got up, sighed slowly, and left to go back to his room a deck above.
Their short exchange had turned sour as with his mood. He took the steps slower than he did coming down just so he could appropriate his grumbling thoughts.
Soon enough, he was back in the room at the foot of their cot where Tali was still sleeping.
"Hey Tali, wake up. Hurry. We're coming out of FTL any minute now. I want to see the Flotilla with you." He gently pat her shoulder.
She craned her neck to the side before smacking her dry lips. Waking up to see John hovering over her was probably one of the best things to wake up to. She replied curtly with a shallow smile.
"Okay. Let me get some water and I'll meet you in the small observation port."
"You actually have an observation port?"
"Yeah. The ship just has a big screen to act as a window. You can't tell the difference. I swear."
"I'll take your word for it."
"Go on." She groped for her small satchel under the bed before retrieving a disposable bladder.
"Tali?"
"Yeah?"
"Where is it?"
"Oh! It's down the hall. Take a left then your second right."
"Thanks."
She smiled before quenching her parched throat with long gulps of water.
After yawning twice, she fell back on the bed, wrapped herself in the comforter, and stretched. Several wet pops came from her spine and she sighed happily. Another yawn before massaging the palm of one of her hands with a thumb.
She was, without a doubt, the happiest quarian alive.
No nightmares. A renounced feeling of purpose.
Something to look forward to.
All because John was back.
The best part was that he was staying with her.
And then Liara suddenly passed by her thoughts. And the two miserable years thinking John was dead.
The smile vanished right off her face. And for just the briefest of moments, Tali felt dead inside. The same kind of dead feeling she'd carried with her for years knowing nothing would ever be the same without the man she loved.
She shook her head and let out a hoarse sigh.
She was still hurt in some ways. And it was somewhere deep down, like a gnawing gash.
She trusted John's explanation completely. Yet...
No, no. This was stupid.
There was no good reason to go meandering down this road again. Other than Liara qualifying as a total asshole for keeping John a secret from her, she shouldn't be angry.
John was back. Like, literally.
It was him. And he had proven it time and time again. Everything about him was exactly the same as she'd remembered it.
...But was that enough?
Don't get her wrong. She received an ample amount of closure with John coming back. That much she could give to the blue bitch.
But there was this... tiny little hilt of discontentedness?
No, that wasn't the word.
Maybe it was disappointment?
Tali wasn't sure what the word would be to describe the feeling she felt. But the best way she could describe it was like having a little voice in the back of her mind egging her on to really find out what happened in total detail from start to finish about John's revival. How was Liara involved? How did Cerberus go about doing what anyone would consider impossible? How did Garrus play out in this? How long did everything take? What part of John was John? What part of him wasn't?
She took a breath and stopped herself. She literally had just told herself not to go wandering off again like this. It was obsessive. And a little concerning if she took a step back.
She had John, he had proven it was him, and he wanted to be with her. She had to remind herself that, in the end, that was all that mattered.
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"Good morning. I'm Dasha Verani with CNN, coming to you live from our studio in New York. Our top story this hour: The reported return of Commander John Shepard. Yes, you heard that correctly— the council's first human spectre, Commander Shepard, a name synonymous with the Battle of the Citadel, is rumored to be alive and well. For two years, the galaxy believed the Commander perished alongside the original SSV Normandy, but new sightings on Illium challenge that assump—"
The channel was changed.
"—itnesses claim Shepard was in perfect health despite having presumably died in the Normandy crash. They also mention the quarian—Tali'Zorah—being there with him. We're trying to confirm more details, but the café's management has declined to answer our questions. As of now, the mood is a wild mix of curiosity, sho—"
Again, the channel was changed.
"—then the implications are massive. The Alliance has yet to make an official statement, but—"
"—abloids here on Illium are fanning the flames. Some outlets are claiming that Tali'Zorah nar Rayya and Dr. T'Soni may be locked in a love tria—"
"—y now? Why there? What would make Shepard disappear for two years, only to come popping up on Illium? Of all places? Why on earth was he seen boarding a quarian craft? How could anyone be sure that this was even the Commander Shepard? It almost begs the question of credibility and to whethe—"
He couldn't stomach another second of journalism. Turning off the vid screen with a gruff huff, he gave the remote a weak but frustrated toss on the coffee table before standing to straighten his coat.
The Council had been blindsided by the rumors, and official Alliance channels offered nothing concrete. No verifiable intel. Nobody to confirm or deny. The ghost of a hero had risen, and it seemed the galaxy demanded an explanation.
He dialed the only person he felt he could talk to about it.
…
…
"This is Hackett."
"Steven," Anderson greeted, lowering his voice. He glanced toward Udina, likely pretending to read an article on his console but undoubtedly straining to listen in. "It's David."
Hackett's tone was flat but not unfriendly. "I'm guessing this is about the developing fiasco concerning you know who."
Anderson let out a weary exhale. "I wanted your angle."
Hackett paused and mirrored Anderson's sigh. "Let's call it what it is: a mess. If Shepard really is alive, the entire Alliance chain of command is in for a shake-up from our elected officials. At best? If it's just rumor—then all it'll do is undermine public trust in our intelligence for not knowing about this."
From across the room, Udina cleared his throat with exaggerated loudness. Anderson shot him a sideways look, then turned away to get some privacy. He carried the call over to the windows overlooking the Citadel's gently curving skyline.
"What do you think we should do?" Anderson put up a hand, "The Council's bombarding me with questions. I can't answer them if we don't have facts."
Hackett's response came swiftly. "We need more information. Until then, you need to keep a lid on speculation. Publicly, we stay neutral like we already are—acknowledge the rumors, but don't confirm or deny a damn thing until we have proof one way or the other."
"Easier said than done."
"If there's no official statement from anyone, the rumor mill will churn itself dry or produce something we can work with. The real question is whether you believe it."
Anderson stared at his reflection in the glass. "You want to know if I believe John's alive?"
"Don't we all?" Hackett's voice held a wry edge. "If there's even the faintest chance he's out there, I'd certainly like to know why he decided to go AWOL."
Anderson rapped his knuckles lightly on the windowsill. "Look… I'm heading into a meeting soon. They'll expect me to denounce the rumors or confirm them. Obviously I can't do either."
Hackett grunted. "I'll have the Alliance brass issue a statement that we're 'looking into the matter.' Keeps it vague. Buys us time."
"Fair enough."
"Anything else for me?"
"No. Take care of yourself."
"Let me know of anything worth mentioning."
"Will do."