October 6, 1998
Five days had passed since multiple things happened. One, Harry needed to see a mind healer and with the headmaster's aid, he found one, and had permission to leave Hogwarts grounds to go to appointments. Two. Harry threw up multiple times and prayed he wasn't getting sick. And last, after a disagreement with Ginny, and sitting down to talk with his friends; it was clear that there might be some kind of rushing as to why Ginny wanted to get back together despite Harry not feeling up to it with everything going on.
Since then, Harry noticed Ginny trying to be more supportive, but laying it on thick. She was always trying to walk with him between classes if they were near one another. She would ask how he was doing and if there was anything she could do to help. Ginny tried holding his hand and giving him kisses on the cheek. Also, she would remind him she was there for him, and give him hugs. Harry felt like she was trying too hard now, and added to his feelings that were changing about her.
And now, Harry dealt with feeling sick almost every morning and at random times throughout the day. It was the sixth of October, a Tuesday. Harry had yet to see Madam Pomfrey again as she'd asked him to do if he did not feel better. At the moment, it was just after classes ended for the day. The time was 4:00 pm, dinner wasn't until 6:30 pm. Harry was making his way back to Phoenix House on the third floor when Ginny strolled up and linked her arm to his.
"Hi, Harry." Ginny beamed.
"Hi, Ginny…" Harry replied with a sigh.
"What's the sigh for? It's like you're not happy to see me anymore." Ginny stated.
"Gin, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm tired and I really just want to get to my dorm to take a nap before dinner." Harry informed.
"I thought you were getting help for the not sleeping?" Ginny asked.
"I haven't begun to see the mind healer yet, Ginny. I am still waiting to hear if any of them have space for another patient. Headmaster Snape was going to let me know when one replied." Harry informed. "I told you…It's going to take time for all those things that happened in the war to stop bothering me."
"Aren't there sleeping potions you can take to help you sleep better?" The red-head inquired.
"Yes, there are. But you're not supposed to use those all the time. You can end up addicted to them, just like you can to alcohol and drugs." Harry told her.
"And here I thought you didn't know anything about potions." Came the drawl of Snape's voice. Harry looked ahead to see the man standing before him. "Mr. Potter is correct, Miss. Weasley. Sleeping potions are not meant to be used more than one or two times a week. Any of them. Eventually, their effect will lessen over time and eventually stop working."
Snape paused. "Then just like those addicted to muggle drugs or alcohol, they'll take more and more to get the effects and doing that can land someone in a coma, or even overdosed, or dead. Is that your aim with Mr. Potter? To have him be unable to sleep, tormented by his memories of things seen or done in the war? To end up killing him?"
"No, of course not." Ginny said quickly.
"Then do not suggest such foolish notions of just taking sleeping potions because they will not help." The headmaster remarked. "Now then…Is there a reason you're harassing a member of my house, Miss. Weasley. Even from down the hall, I heard Mr. Potter claim that he wanted to take a rest before supper."
"I just…Wanted to spend a little time with him. He's no longer in Gryffindor, we don't share any classes, and I can't be in Phoenix with him. We date-," Ginny began.
"I am well aware of your…Prior relationship with Mr. Potter. However, if I am not mistaken…You two are no longer together. And once again, Mr. Potter made his intentions clear. Why are you keeping him from such? Harassment." Severus said.
"Please remove yourself from my student, you are not an accessory or piece of clothing that is part of his uniform. Have some tact." Severus retorted firmly. Ginny let go of Harry and stood beside him. How hung up did this girl have to be that even Professor Snape told her to leave Harry alone?
And now, just like the other random times, Harry was not only tired but feeling like he was going to vomit. "Run along, Miss. Weasley. I would like to speak with Mr. Potter alone."
"But I-," Ginny began.
Harry was a bit surprised. Was Ginny willing to go against Severus for him? Bold. Then again, she was a Gryffindor. And acting like a spoiled child not getting their way as of late. It was actually bothering the hell out of him.
"I shan't repeat myself, Miss. Weasley. Move along or find yourself in detention through the weekend." The headmaster said firmly.
Harry tried to keep it back, but he couldn't. As it had been all week since the first in Madam Pomfrey's infirmary, when the urge hit, he couldn't stop it no matter how much he tried or willed himself to do so. Harry jerked once, and swallowed it back down. Once Severus turned his attention back on Harry, the teenager jerked again and quickly dashed for the nearest restroom.
By the grace of the gods, it was empty as Harry hurried into a stall and then hit his knees before throwing up. He heard the door open and some footsteps, then the voices right before he puked again and coughed, then spit a bit.
"I just want to check on him!" Whined Ginny.
"You have no place in the male's lavatory, Miss. Weasley. Go." Severus ordered. "Do not make me have to repeat myself." There was a huff and frustrated screech-like groan, but it appeared Snape won the battle. Harry expected nothing less. The guy was the headmaster of the school; he never let anyone get away with disobeying or disrespecting him and if Ginny pushed, she'd find herself with points lost for her house, detention, and worse like suspension or expulsion.
Silence, at first. Footsteps drawing closer as Harry didn't dare to move just yet as his stomach still felt ready to repel more contents from it. "Potter?" Then a pause. "Are you alright?" Finally came the question in a softer tone than Harry was used to the man using. Almost like Snape was concerned for him.
"Yes, sir…I'm sorry." Harry said.
"Why in Merlin's name are you apologizing, Potter? Everyone gets sick. Come along, I'll escort you to the hospital wing." Snape offered.
"I really don't trust myself to make that walk, Headmaster…" Harry said, then swallowed back another urge to vomit. "I can go tomorrow, but right now, I would prefer to just get to my dorm to sleep."
Severus supposed he understood. Potter knew he didn't feel well and just wanted to sleep, there was no point dragging him to the hospital wing in his current state; it would only cause him to suffer more. "Very well then." Severus agreed.
Harry took a few more minutes before he flushed the toilet, and used a freshening charm on his mouth before exiting the stall. "What…Did you want to speak to me about, headmaster?" Harry asked while going to wash his hands.
"I've heard back from Healer Strout. Her weekends are booked solid…But she has availability to see you during the week, after your final class of the day ends." Severus informed and held out a parchment for him. "She wrote you in for a general intake appointment on Thursday afternoon, 4:30 pm. One hour. You may set your appointments with her beyond that."
"As I already told you, you may apparate from the edge of the school's wards to Diagon Alley and back again. Do not lolli-gag about and if there is trouble, Healer Strout and I worked out for you to use the floo in her office to return to the school. Only in emergencies that would risk your safety. You will let me know when these appointments are so I can arrange that the floo connection is not in use during that hour block." Severus added.
"Yes, sir. Thank you." Harry really did appreciate that Severus was making some accommodations for him regarding this matter.
"You are welcome, Potter. Now, come along. I'll escort you to your common room, so the girl does not bother you again. I'm certain she's not far." Severus stated.
Harry nodded, exiting the restroom with Snape. Sure enough, Ginny was waiting against the wall. "Oh, Harry-," She began as Severus moved to the side of Harry that she was going for.
"Leave him alone, Miss. Weasley. Mr. Potter is not feeling well." Snape told her. "I told you to run along, did I not? That's five points from Gryffindor." Another annoyed huff, and stamping of her foot, but she listened and whirled around, walking away. Harry almost sighed in relief, but he walked alongside Snape as they got to Phoenix house entrance. A hand on the portrait made it open. "In you go, Potter. I expect you to rest and go to Madam Pomfrey if you feel worse."
"Yes, Headmaster. Thank you." Harry replied. Then he entered the common room and headed right up to his shared dorm with Draco. Harry set his bag on his desk, then kicked off his shoes and got rid of the extra garments he wore.
Harry pulled back his covers on the bed and slipped in with a yawn. It did not take long for him to fall asleep.
. . .
It was now Thursday. Harry still dealt with being sick at random, but it never interfered with his classes and he still refused to go to the infirmary. He was tired and felt nauseous, it was obviously the flu or something. He'd be fine, tis the season for it. A lot of people had colds and whatnot. It was okay, he'd give it a bit longer before he made the jump to returning to the hospital wing.
His final class just ended and Harry quickly made his way to his dorm. Thank Merlin for the Marauders Map, he was able to use the shortcuts all over the castle to get to Phoenix House while evading Ginny. Once in the dorm, Harry knew he had time before his appointment, so he sat at his desk and got to work on some assignments due for tomorrow.
The time ticked away, and soon, it was 4:15 pm. Harry put his things away to work on when he got back, then grabbed his small side bag that he usually used for Hogsmeade trips. The teenager left his dorm, then the common room before making his way out of the school and to the edge of the wards at the place the headmaster told him to use. Once he made sure it was clear, he checked the paper with the address on it. Harry pictured the place in mind, he knew exactly where it was.
A moment later, Harry disapparated to Diagon Alley and landed right at the nearest apparition point. It was tucked away out of the main stream of the alley, but would be the point closest to his destination. Harry did slightly alter his appearance because he knew he'd be flagged down by his adoring fans, then once he was sure he wouldn't be recognized, he headed out of his hiding spot.
The teenager walked to the office, minding his own business on the street, and entered the building. It was a quiet little room he strolled into. Neutral color on the wall, some chairs for the waiting area, pictures on wall, and some fake plants in corners or on the tables, which held magazines.
"Hello there," Greeted a female voice as Harry looked up to see a woman at the reception desk. "Can I help you?"
"Oh! Yes, sorry. I was admiring the waiting area. It's very calming." Harry stated as he approached. "I'm…Harry Potter. I'm supposed to have an appointment with Healer Strout at 4:30 pm."
"You're Harry Potter?" The woman asked, surprised.
"Yes. I, uh…I'm using a disguise. Too easily recognized in Diagon…Trying not to cause a stir." Harry informed as he allowed his disguise to revert back to normal.
"Oh my! Welcome, Mr. Potter." She smiled. "Yes, I have you right here. Have a seat. Healer Strout will come get you in just a few moments. She's finishing up with another patient now."
"Thank you. I'm just going to put the other look back up until I'm in the office, if that's okay?" Harry did not want anyone knowing who he was aside from the people who absolutely needed to know while he was here. Merlin only knew how the Prophet would spin the story of him being caught in a Mind Healer's office. No, it wasn't a bad thing, but his history with the Daily Prophet telling things the wrong way was cause for Harry to not take chances.
"I'll be sure to let Healer Strout know you are here, but not as you appear." The receptionist smiled, nodding in understanding.
"Thank you." Harry took a seat to wait patiently.
It was about ten minutes later, about 4:35 pm, when the door opened and two people walked out. An older woman, who Harry figured was the mind healer and then a younger woman who was probably a bit older than Harry himself. The woman left and the healer checked in with her receptionist first before coming back to the doorway.
"You must be my 4:30." She smiled. "Come on, let's get started." Harry rose to his feet to follow the woman into the back area. There were a few doors, but they went to one on the left, and it was revealed to be the room this therapy would be happening in. "You're safe now, Mr. Potter. You can revert to your normal appearance." The woman told him.
Harry did exactly that, and bowed his head thankfully for her discretion out in the waiting area. "Thank you for not calling me by name."
"My receptionist explained the situation. Not to worry, privacy is one of our foremost rules here. Comfort is next." The woman motioned for them to take a seat. "Tea? I can add a little calming elixir, if you feel you need it for nerves." She offered.
"Um, regular tea is fine." Harry replied. He was calm, just tired.
The woman brought over two cups, setting one in front of Harry and then there was a tray for milk, cream, and sugar available so he could obviously make it up how he liked. The healer sat down with her own cup, a notebook beside her with a pen on top. "Well then, shall we get started?" Harry nodded. "I am Miriam Strout, healer, of course. You can call me Healer Strout."
"Harry Potter. Just Harry is fine," The teenager responded.
"Headmaster Snape told me in his letter that you grew up muggle until you learned you were a wizard at eleven, so you might prefer to do this the muggle therapy way. Or we can do it the magical way." Healer Strout offered.
"I'm not sure what the magical way entails…" Harry admitted.
"Well, as the name goes. It's mind healing. This can be done through talk like in muggle therapy, or mind healers are trained in Legilimency. We can enter your mind during sessions and find the problems you'd like to ease. Sometimes this involves blocking them, obliviation…Or we can place charms up to ease the discomfort you feel when you think of them. We have ways to urge happier memories forward when bad ones hit during flashbacks or nightmares."
"I think I'd prefer the muggle way, just talking. I've had some good times, but my head is a mess. Not just from the war, but basically everything since my parents were killed." Harry said. "I've never been able to really heal from any of it because the hits just kept coming."
"It makes perfect sense. And if talking is what you prefer, that is alright with me. So now the question becomes how often would you like to meet for sessions. They're usually an hour long. We can either set you up to meet the same times every week or you're free to see reception on your way out and set up appointments that work for you every week."
"I'll make them at the end before I leave, work it around my school schedule and study periods…" Harry answered.
"Excellent." The woman smiled. "So, I suppose there's only one thing left to ask…Where would you like to begin?"
"We don't have to start at the beginning?" Harry inquired.
Miriam shook her head with a chuckle. "We can start wherever you like, Harry. As a first time patient, I usually advise others to begin with whatever is giving them the most trouble. What is bothering you the most right now, what made you seek out help?"
"Oh…Um, I guess that would be the fact that some nights I just can't sleep, or stay asleep once I'm out. Or the nightmares that force me awake the rest of the night." Harry told her.
"And what are these nightmares of?" Miriam pushed.
"The war. Things seen or done, people who died. I was in the heat of everything going on given my role in the war as the chosen one…" Harry stated.
"Yes, you did bear the biggest weight upon your shoulders. So let's start with a reversal…Why don't you tell me about the last nightmare you had which made you decide to seek out help?" The woman suggested.
Harry had to think about it for a moment. "When my godfather died…" Harry finally said.
The woman marked something on her pad and sat back with a smile. "Tell me about it. Not the nightmare, but the event itself and we'll go from there. If by what you say that your mind is a mess from everything, then no matter what, we'll touch on everything as it seems to all tie together." Healer Strout informed.
Harry nodded, and took a deep breath before he began to tell her about the day his godfather died.