Intermission 1

Sasuke the Movie: Dude, Sakura is missing again.

Prologue

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Sasuke is feeling woozy.

Right now, Team 7 is on a bodyguard mission for the filming of the next Princess Gale movie. More specifically, they are on bodyguard detail for the main actress, Fujikaze Yukie.

"I'm saying we should turn back and get Sakura back! We left her behind at the docks!"

"Turn back?! We have been sailing for a whole week! It's your fault that you finally remember that she's exist now and realized that you had left her behind this whole time! We can't turn back anymore, we're almost arrived at our destination!"

"But how does Sakura is supposed to regroup with us then?!"

"That's for her to figure out! Your job is to protect Lady Fujikaze and that's it! Just do your job!"

Naruto has been arguing to the captain to turn back and pick up Sakura that they had apparently forgot exist. Well, it's hardly their fault really. Sakura went missing all the time and somehow she hone and saved a random village or beat up some random bad guy's evil plan. It becomes a routine at this point.

Now they're one man (woman) down again and it looks like the team will once again be comprised by him, Naruto, his stupid clones and Deadbeat Kakashi again.

Sasuke sighed.

Once again, he has to carry this trashy team again to mission success.

"Man, it sure is cold here, Sasuke. They say the snow had never melt in Snow Country."

"Hn."

*Translation: no shit, its the fucking North Pole! If all the snow and ice here melt then we're all going to be sleeping aith the fishes, idiot!*

Naruto squinted his eyes at him. As the strategist of Team 7, Sasuke has created a whole language system based solely on his grunts. This is based on prehistoric cavemen primitive speech person. According to his mom, sasuke is named after Sarutobi Sasuke, the father of Sarutobi Hiruzen. Since Sarutobi means Flying Monkey or some shit Sasuke decides to make up a language based on ape-people.

This allows Sasuke to convey plans with grunts that only Team 7 members can understand.

Though he also abuse it to avoid actually talking as much as he could.

"I know this is the North Pole, man! I aced Geography!"

"hnn", heh, at least you're smart at something.

"Hey kiddos." Kakashi finally woke up and came over to check on them. "one two... Hmm... Why do I feel like we're missing a person here?", as usual, Kakashi does a headcount to ensure all of his team members is present. Why do he feel like he miscounted every time.

"Dude, Sakura is missing again!", Naruto finally explained it to him.

"Naruhodo!", Kakashi smackek his fist to his palm. "I knew we're missing someone!"

"Kakashi-sensei, should we go back and pick her up?", Naruto asked for his opinion.

"Meh.", Kakashi declines. "It's Sakura. She'll be fine."

"We are docking!"

The captain annouced the arrival of their ship to the port of Snow Country, the most technologically advanced nation on their planet. It's time to start their mission.

Should be easy enough. Its a C rank after all.

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(((A/N)))

Silly Sasuke. There is no such thing such as a C rank mission.

Long A/N to reply to a review. Sorry if any readers are bothered by this. You can skip it. It's not that important.

Anyway, I wrote this up in a jiffy just to reply to Guest. It's just bad manners to write an AN without content in a chapter update afterall.

Lmao, now, my writing principle is 'Write for an audience of one'. Which is pretty much myself. I know there's plenty of people reading this, but it do feel like this fic is written for Guest. For me it's fine for the Review to not be active. I run a really weird fanfic and it doesn't has much other than crazy worldbuilding and crack humor. This isn't the kind of fic that go mainstream.

Your review came through about 2 days after post date, Guest. I dont know if that's just Ffnet policy for non-account reviews or its just the server bug. Now, to reply to you point to point:

-I wish the site allow all symbols codes so that I can make even more nuanced emoji. I'm actually prefer visual storytelling over writing. My instinct is to draw the story, not describe them. This is why I rarely describe anything in this fic. I forgot that aspect of writing a lot.

-Yes, Nara clansmen can access non-kekkei genkai jutsus stored in the Elder Brain. They're the shadow government that shaped the entire history of this fic Narutoverse just to give birth of their messiah, Uzumaki Naruto despite all the derailment from The Plot. Now think about it, what is the color of Black Zetsu. And he kinda moves like black shadowy slime outside of his host, right? Hmmm...

-I just put in Hoshino Ai in entirely just to use her as Princess Peach for Mariyo Hotaru. Also coz Starringan meme. I'm just too lazy to figure out what filler character to use for it. The absurd amount of X-over and reference in this fic may turn off some people and that's fine. I decided to use a lot of x-over content coz I'm just lazy to make up OG content for a fic (which I already did a lot for this) and writing the usual rehash is just boring to me. This is a trashy crack fic and no one pays and get paid for it.

-about Neji, yea, I loosely will do the Snow Country arc loosely based on MGR story though I wont made the characters here as 1:1 MGR expy. Neji and Shisui sorta share Jetstream Sam role. Neji foes the fight shile Shisui does the ideological argument. Mostly I'm using the Raiden's philosophical arguments with Desperado execs to adapt it as Hotaru's character development. So the character fighting style will not take in reference of MGR, but rather I am taking characters with the closest approximation of personality or if they have canon skillset I can use as a bridge like Sasori's 3rd Kazekage puppet and Monsoon. Neji being Jetstream was entirely for the physical rivalry with Hotaru, while Shisui is the Jetstream Sam for the philosophical/ideology rivalry.

Hotaru has been a reactionary protagonist and this caused him to land into crisis over and over again because he refused his purpose, that is to be a Gary Stu SI-OC. This arc is the turning point of his character.

Is this a spoiler? Maybe. We're here for the jokes anyway so getting spoilers will hardly ruin the jokes.

-I can confirm however that Sasori will take Monsoon's role. Memes, Hotaru! The DNA of the souls! I loved Sasori so it's going to be a blast lmao. Kisame will take Sundowner role but no worries he is not in touch with his inner child.

Probably.

-Yagura is very underused even in fanfics. So like Gato, he will get an upgrade. I like upgrading underused characters even if it made them OOC as hell. Cant blame me for not giving me much material to work with. It will take a while but I am building up to the Kirigakure civil war as another major scale arc. So Yagura will have his moments.

-Lmao. Man I forgot about Demon Country. Okay I'll think something up later. It does made a good point to adapt DMC as this ficverse is one with a lot youkai. Shinobi rules the main continent but what about the other continent? Hmm.

Makoto Hotaru escapes to Demon Country in order to escape his tax agents does sound like a fine plot on brand with this fic's insanity.

Also Gelel movie?

Shhh! Don't say that! Gelel doesn't exist! I totally not saying that in fear of the Nara's spying on us! Sky Country doesn't exist! It's a myth! A myth! A floating western-ish island that can travel across the Multiverse? No way! That's scientifically impossible!

-I am a hardcore Fate fanboi. Though I despise Gudao lmao. Shero's the one that should get all that Saberface waifues.

Fuck Gudao really! All he does is just stand around being a cheerleader. I hate MCs that just sit around cheering for their badass harem members.

Also I don't follow up FGO after Solomon finale. So I dont care about what development Gudao got after that. Sorry if this let you down. After Epic of Remnant, I just stopped keeping up with FGO aside from new servant designs coz the plot just become ridiculous for me.

Anyway,

Yea, FGO has a lot of material to work with but for some reason it never really come up to my mind about using its content. Naruto is already diverse enough in content I can use and the only thing I can do to spice it up is make xover references.

We'll see if somehow my neurons process something mid-writing and I use fgo material. I usually just write this fic with Improv methodology. Zero plan, just inprov along the way. So I write fown whatever pop up my mind and I have no idea how this fic doesnt collapse from narrative inconsistencies yet.

Maybe one day, I'll do a fate fic once I finished one of my three running stories. Man, Hobo in Orario is crying from neglect lmao.

-FMA alchemy? Sounds like an Orochimaru thing. Just think about it, Curse Mark transformation is just Chimera transformation. And what does Philosopher Stone do? Eternal life.

Hmmm...

I don't watch Nanoha. I have a chronic apathy for shows that is female-centric. No hate or anything, I just can't bring myself to be interested if theres no male characters driving the story. I heard Nanoha was pretty cool tho but since I never watch it, I dont think I will use content I dont watch personally.

Never watched Black Cat too, funnily enough. Sure, I'll look it up on a weekend. No promise I'll use the material though.

-man, I didn't thought about Jiraiya becoming mexican toad sage! Hahah! Thanks for the idea lmao. Yep totally will adapt that somewhere.

Also to answer the final review (during this AN being written), Akatsuki is a collection of disgruntled geniuses (except Kisame and Hidan) that despise the Shinobi World and the Nara clan. Like in the chatroom scene, they share research materials to advanced their own research. Orochimaru is mainly in Biology, while Sasori with Bio-Mechanics based on Sunagakure's puppetry. Pain knows about the souls. Hidan is immortal and guess what creature is immortal in FMA? Deidara escaped Ba Sing Sei to avoid the Dai Li..

Shit, I spoiled that. Oh, welcome to Lake Laogai. There is no war in Iwagakure. What did you mean our whole army got massacred by a single blonde dude? That never happened and Iwa has always been peaceful. Smh.

Remember, you have never been spoiled. Welcome to Lake Laogai.

-well, that's of for the reviews I answered for now. I'm sorry for anyone that got annoyed that I turn this chap into mostly a chatroom. Maybe I should make a forum but I don't understand how this site function for the most part and I use only mobile app for Ffnet (my laptop internet adapter broke for several years now. Man I am poor.). Again, Sorry for the long AN. Though why did you read this to the end is beyond me.

-till then, have some Sasuke the Movie for a bit while. Should be short enough, probably 5 or so chaps.