The blinding but sparkling lights, defeaning cheers of the crowd and the sweat running down my temples. I smiled and waved. This scenery was all too familiar. I can feel the beat of the song matching the thumping sound of my heart. In the end of this colorful sea of lights, you were standing there with your hand reaching out to me. You were looking at me, only me. Without giving any seconds thoughts, I reached out to you and both of our hands found each other's warmth, at last.
--
It was undeniable how far B-PROJECT has achieved when it comes to the the idol industry in Japan. They started out small where literally only a few people know their name, they have to go to TV stations just to get their group to perform, and they even have to make their own costumes and make-up from scratch. All of those are in the past now. It was all thanks to the fans who never stopped supporting them, to every one from the staff who helped them during work, and to their hard-working A who did not stop in believing in all of them. Every one of them have work outside the idol field. Some were offered CM and acting roles, others became regular hosts for variety shows and there were other members who even got casted to multiple TV dramas and stageplays. Kazuna Masunaga, a member of B-PROJECT and MooNs, has never been so grateful for the success of his group but this massive recognition made him a little restless. This success made him even want to work harder than before. He does not want to stop here and do things halfheartedly. Kazuna always believe that if you do not have any talent, then hard work is what will take you to your destination.
"Eh? Leader? You're staying?!" the enthusiastic green-haired, Hikaru Osari, asked out loud. He is one of Kazuna's teammates from the sub-unit MooNs. Kazu tried to make the other one lower his voice.
"Yeah, I need to practice more."
Despite Kazuna's attempt to make a swift execution of his late-night practice, the other members of MooNs already heard the conversation.
"Leader. Are you sure you want to stay?" A pair of heterochrome eyes looked at Kazuna. It was Momotarou Onzai. A spectacled brown-haired, named Mikado Sekimura, nodded at the other one's question.
"Yeah, Leader! Are you sure? Our training today was really tough. You shouldn't push yourself to the limit!!"
"Sekimura's right. You shouldn't tire yourself that much, Leader." Tatsuhiro Nome crossed his arms.
Kazuna, who is often called as "Leader" by the MooNs members, knew that all of them would react this way but he already made his decision.
"It's okay. Thank you for worrying about me. I promise this would not affect tomorrow's work. I really want to perfect it this time." Kazuna was hoping that this was enough for the other members to let him go. The other four just exchanged worried looks at each other before deciding to let him do what he wanted.
"If that's what Leader wants..." Mikado said with a troubled look.
"There's nothing we can do about it." Tatsuhiro added.
"Leader, do your best." Momotarou gave a pat on Kazuna's shoulder.
"Leader!!!! Don't overwork yourself, Ok?" Hikaru asked again and again.
Kazuna smiled and promised to them that he will not make them worry. The rest of the MooNs members left and Kazuna was finally alone inside the rehearsal room. He did not waste any minute and started playing the music piece they are going to use for the performance.
--
Panting heavily, Kazuna flopped down the floor of the well-lit rehearsal room. He grabbed the water bottle from the side and drank all the contents. He looked at the time and was surprised to see how late it was already. How long was he dancing here? Three hours? Kazuna has decided that he should pack his stuff already and leave. He gathered all his stuff then left the room feeling tired but a little refreshed. Tomorrow, he will definitely practice again. Kazuna held his training bag and walked down the hallway. He wondered if the other members were still waiting for him in their shared apartment or were they all have fallen asleep because of fatigue.
As Kazuna was about to head for the exit, he noticed a familiar figure with snow-like hair was standing at the end of the empty hallway. This person seems like he was talking to someone on the phone as his attention was focused on the device held to his ear. His eyes were looking far away and even from afar, Kazuna can notice those smile lines near his eyes that always make his heart skip a beat. Kazuna knew all too well who that person is. It was Tomohisa Kitakado. The other half of the unit KitaKore, the "prince" that fans like and adore, his partner during their Bambi era, the only person that he--
Kazuna snapped out of his trance and felt his heart beat faster. He was not expecting to see Tomohisa especially at this hour. Did not everyone go home already, Kazuna wondered to himself. Kazuna thought of just avoiding the other person at all cost but the only exit was at the end of the hallway. He was not ready to meet him at this very moment. Kazuna was busy with all his thoughts that he did not notice Tomohisa was already walking towards his direction.
"Kazu?"
Kazuna felt his face go warm at the voice who said his name. The person only said two syllables but it was enough to make Kazuna's heart race a little. Feeling a little defeated that he got caught, Kazuna slowly lifted his head and his eyes were met with a pair of curious blue orbs. Tomohisa immediately gave him a smile when their eyes met.
"Oh, it is Kazu. What are you doing here so late at night?"
Kazuna would like to ask the same to the white-haired boy but he just held his training bag tight in his hand. It would not really help him at this moment if he does not answer Tomohisa's question and he wants to go home as soon as possible. The image of a warm bath and tea crossed Kazuna's mind. Kazuna gave a small sigh and answered,
"I am trying to practice more and I didn't notice the time."
It was the truth. Kazuna was so concentrated in getting the routine perfect for their next LIVE that purposely stayed late in the rehearsal room. He felt like he said too much than he planned to so he executed his escape while Tomohisa just stood there and looked at him. It made him a little anxious but atleast now he is not under Tomohisa's gaze. Kazu thought he managed to escape successfully but someone held him by the arm. Kazu immediately looked behind him and he was not able to change his surprised face. Tomohisa's hand was still holding him. When the other one saw his face, he immediately lets go of his arm.
"Ah, I'm sorry." Tomohisa looked apolegetic as he was trying to find the right words to say next. Kazu really does not understand what this person is thinking at all. When Kazu was about to turn around and continue walking again, Tomohisa spoke.
"Do you want to go home together?"
"Huh? What are you talking about? We live in the same building." Kazu pointed out matter-of-factly. Tomohisa could not help but give a small laugh, which was music to Kazu's ears but he does not want to admit it, when he realized what he just said.
"You're right. I'm sorry I just said what suddenly crossed my mind. I just wanted to get your attention and that's the question that came out of my mouth."
"So, do you need something else?" Kazu can feel his patience slimming down. He really just want to get out already and maybe buy a hot dumpling in the near convenience store outside then take a bath and go to sleep. Tomohisa placed his hand under his chin, then his face brightened.
"Ryuuji said that the convenience store is selling these limited edition Chupa Chuls. Do you want to buy it with me?"
"I don't really--" Kazu was ready to decline Tomohisa's offer but then he realized that does Tomohisa even know how to go to the convenience store? Kazu shuddered at the thought of Tomohisa trying to pay a small candy with his credit card. He felt a little responsible in guiding him there since Ryuuji was not here to accompany Tomohisa. Plus, he was going to buy dumplings too so maybe this was like hitting two birds with one stone. "--think you should go there alone."
Tomohisa's eyes were sparkling. "Does that mean Kazu will be joining me?"
Kazu turned his back. "I'll be going."
Tomohisa caught up to him and was smiling. Why are you so happy? Kazu tried quickening his pace but the other one was able to match his speed easily. They reached the outside of the building and the convenience store is just a few blocks from their location. The black sky stretched along the street lights which looked like fireflies in Kazu's imagination. Tomohisa was silent throughout their little trip. Kazu tried peeking at his face but before he can, they already reached the bright lights from the entrance of the store. The door gave a familiar ding sound when it opened and the person at the front counter gave them an enthusiastic greeting of "Good evening."
"Oh, good evening." Tomohisa smiled at the staff behind the counter and gave a greeting too.
"You can just ask the girl from the counter for Ryuuji's lollipops."
Kazu did not wait for Tomohisa to answer back and proceeded to go to the part of the store where they serve the steamed dumplings. There were many options to choose from. Kazu was a little torn between something sweet like the red bean paste or something savory like the braised beef one. He was thinking really hard so unconsciously closed his eyes.
"Kazu would like to eat a dumpling right now?"
Kazu jumped a little in the position where he was standing. He immediately looked to his side. It was Tomohisa. He wanted to scold Tomohisa for suddenly appearing like that and giving him a spook but his attention was more focused at the fact that the taller guy was standing really close behind him. He immediately moved to the side to put some distance between them.
"Yeah, I got kind of hungry."
"Does Kazu want to eat at a Chinese restaurant? Ryuuji and I tried out this place one time and they have the best dumplings yet. The steaming bun of white pastry filled with shimmering glazed pork which was so soft and chewy like how the sunlight first kissed the dew on the green leaves of a morning day." Tomohisa was on his gourmet report mode. If another person heard him talking, they will definitely not understand what he was trying to say. Kazu shook his head and gave a sigh.
"Thanks but don't mind me. How about you? Were you able to buy what you came here for?"
Tomohisa stopped then happily showed Kazu the two plastic bags that he was holding. Those are definitely not only Chupa Chuls but a variety of other snacks as well.
"Yes. I got a little excited so I bought other snacks too. The packaging was really eye-catching. I also bought more for Kazu." Tomohisa gave him the other plastic bag.
"What? I can't accept that." Kazu quickly refused the bag of goodies from Tomohisa.
"Hmm, I was thinking that maybe the other members from MooNs will like it too. The lady from the cashier said that these are limited edition so I wanted to get them for you and the rest. Will you please accept them?"
Tomohisa was looking at him with dejected eyes and it made Kazu a little guilty. He eyed the contents of the bag and it even have the snacks that Hikaru was craving for but he cannot buy any since he always runs out of stock. Kazu sighed defeatingly and accepted the bag from Tomohisa.
"Fine. I'll take it but next time, tell me beforehand first. I don't want you spending that much money on things like this."
Tomohisa nodded and accepted the scolding from the blonde-haired. "I understand. So what dumpling are you going to get, Kazu?"
"Oh right. Maybe I'll get the red bean." Kazu remembered what he was here for in the first place. Kazu ordered Tomohisa to wait outside which the latter one complied to. Kazu went to the counter to pay for the dumplings and went outside to meet Tomohisa who was looking above the sky. Kazu stared for a second at the sight in front of him before going to the person he was looking at.
"Here."
Kazu offered Tomohisa a piece of dumpling. Apparently, the reason why he asked Tomohisa to wait outside so that the other one would not see that he bought two pieces of the hot pastry. Kazu can see that Tomohisa's face brightened under the moonlight.
"Thank you!"
"Jeez, I don't understand you at all. You are getting excited over it too much." Kazu said, feeling a little embarrassed. He removed the paper from the bottom of the dumpling and handed it to Tomohisa. "Don't forget to remove those."
Tomohisa was earnestly nodding like it was a newfound information that he has not heard before. Kazu proceeded to unwrap the paper from his dumplings too then gave it a small bite. Kazu unconsciously smiled at the feeling of the warm sweet pastry filling his mouth.
"It's really delicious!" Tomohisa exclaimed. Kazu agreed and nodded. "You should try eating those after practice. Don't eat too much though since we need to look out for our weight too."
The two started walking back to the building with the dumplings in their hands. Kazu was busy eating and was happily giving some side comments about the food.
"The filling is really tasty."
"Kazu, made a great choice. The dumpling is really warm."
"I really love the warmth from this dumpling in my hand. I wish I can hold it in both of my hands forever."
Tomohisa gave a chuckle. "It is indeed warm. Really perfect for this slightly chilly night."
Kazu shuddered. Tomohisa was right about tonight's coldness. Even though Kazu was already wearing a jacket. The cold of the night still managed to seep right through this clothes. Tomohisa stopped in his tracks.
"What's the matter?" Kazu asked. "We should get going so we won't catch a cold."
Tomohisa looked troubled for a second then he had this determined look on his face. He reached out and held Kazu's hand in his. He stayed like that for awhile and Kazu was too shocked to process what was happening and pull his hand away.
"Isn't it warmer this way?"
"What are you talking about..." Kazu blushed and weakly tried pulling his hand away but Tomohisa just held his hand tighter and started walking. Kazu followed suit and walked behind Tomohisa, one hand holding the other's large hand while the other one was still holding the warm dumpling. Kazu does not want to admit it but Tomohisa was right. Both of his hands feel warm now.
"Do you remember that time during Bambi?" Tomohisa suddenly asked. They were still holding hands and walking. Tomohisa did not look at his direction. Kazu was a little surprised at the question but he decided to reply calmly.
"Yeah, which one?" Kazu asked, almost in a whisper.
Kazu looked to the side as his mind was filled with flashbacks like from a full-length movie. Bambi era was both fun and painful part of Kazuna's childhood. There were so many bittersweet memories from that part of his life. That was one of the first times Kazu felt the frustration of not being picked in good parts of a song or performance, having waldrobe malfunctions or being removed from good positions in the last minute. Despite those bitter experiences, Bambi was something that Kazu was the most grateful for because he was able to meet and grow together with the members who he debuted with―Momo, Mikado, Hikaru, Tatsuhiro.
"Remember the time when we got lost during one of our Genius Brunch shows?"
"Ahh..." Kazu's mind was immediately filled with memories of his childhood. That was the first time him and Tomohisa went to a really far location shoot. They were still so young back then. "You got us lost that time since you ran."
"Hmm, I think it was because Kazu saw someone? I remember you started chasing that person and I just followed you."
Kazu was ready to rebutt then he remembered every single detail of that day. It was something that he does not want to tell anyone ever. The reason why he ran that time. It was because he saw someone familiar and he felt it in his gut that this was that person. Thinking about it now, it was so dumb. The two of them got lost and when they were found by the staff, they got scolded really badly since it delayed the shooting and the staff got really worried. It was really not a great day and Kazu wanted to erase that memory. Kazu suddenly turned silent as he was deep in his thoughts.
Two pairs of feet walked down the gravel path. Tomohisa tried breaking down the silence. "Even though Kazu did not find what he was looking for, Kazu was really happy when we saw that garden. I can still remember your smile that day."
"Garden?"
Kazu's eyes widened. He totally forgot about that part of the story. All he remembered were the painful ones. Kazu felt a small smile from his face as he reminisces that memory. Kazu did not notice that Tomohisa was looking at his way when he said the following.
"Ah, the sunflowers were really beautiful that time. I think that was my first time seeing them that close."
Kazu remembered how the sun kissed the field of yellow-orange petals. He was close to tears that day, since he was so disappointed that he was mistaken about the person he saw. It was not the person he was looking for, but he was left breathless by that golden scenery. He thought he was alone but Tomohisa held his hand that day. They did not say anything to each other that time and just admired the field of flowers right before them. It gave Kazu an indescribable feeling of warmth. Kazu was not sure which one was the reason. Was it the sun's rays, the heat from his body because he ran so much, or that hint of warmth from Tomohisa's slightly larger hands than was holding his hand that day.
"Do you remember that I also held your hand that day." Tomohisa asked softly.
A familiar feeling brought Kazu back to reality. Tomohisa gave his hand a light squeeze. He looked at their hands and then to the person in front of him. Kazu noticed how wide Tomohisa's back was. When they were younger, Tomohisa was already slightly bigger than him but their heights were not that far from each other. Now, Tomohisa had gained so much height.
"...I do remember."
"I'm glad."
"We were kids that time so it was okay. We are adults now."
"But adults can hold hands too."
"What... Jeez."
"Does Kazu want to stop holding hands right now?" Tomohisa asked slyly. Kazu stopped talking then a minute later, he mumbled grumpily.
"I am too tired to let go."
Tomohisa stopped in his tracks.
"What? Why are you stopping?"
"Then, I am not letting go of Kazu's hand right now."
"J-Just walk already."
Tomohisa just hummed happily while Kazu continued to eat the remaining dumpling in order to stop himself from talking and saying other embarrassing things even further. Kazu wanted so badly to resist and let go of their hands but where did all his strength go?
"Maybe this is not a bad thing at all..." Kazu mumbled to himself.
"Hmm? Did Kazu say something?"
Kazu's face turned tomato red. He would have died on the spot if Tomohisa suddenly looked behind him and saw his expression right now.
"N-No, I am not saying anything. Just walk faster already. Seriously...And don't look this way!!"
Tomohisa laughed and felt a smile forming across his princely face.
"Okay. I won't look even though I want to see your face right now."
"Don't you dare, Tomohisa!"
Tomohisa gave a lovely laugh at Kazu's reaction. Kazu strongly believes that his heart will jump out of his chest every time he is near this Tomohisa Kitakado.
They finally reached the entrance of their building. Kazu was to embarrassed to point out about the fact that they were still holding each other's hands. Other people might see them in this state. Kazu's eyes immediately wondered to the lobby. Luckily, it was already too late at night and the lobby was empty like the middle of nowhere.
"You can let go of my hand now." Kazu mustered every last bit of his strength to say that. He tried as much as possible to put on a stern face. Instead of letting go, Tomohisa proceeded to hold both of his hands. Tomohisa intertwined his long fingers with his own slender fingers as well. The stern look from Kazu's face was immediately replaced with a deep red blush.
"Kazu, can I stay like this for awhile?"
"And why is that?" Kazu tried being tough. He would not back down easily even though his heart is making a rollercoaster of loops and thumps.
"The time when we went to the sunflower field, that was the first time I saw Kazu's real emotions. The field was indeed a beautiful sight to see but you caught my eyes even more."
"Tomohisa..."
Kazu can feel that Tomohisa's hands were shaking a little bit. It was such a rare sight to witness Tomohisa like this. Was he nervous? Kazu's face was confused but he was smart enough to understand the situation right now.
"It was the day that I realized that I like you so much." Tomohisa confessed. He held Kazu's hands tighter as he looked at the blonde with earnest eyes. Tomohisa's eyes were so dreamy and Kazu swore he could get lost in those cerulean eyes. It strongly reminds Kazu of the sea and the waves. Tomohisa has been feeling that way for him since that long? How could he not see this?
"I can't believe this..." Kazu felt something warm running down his cheeks. Hot tears started rolling down on his porcelain skin. Kazu tried wiping them while looking away. Tomohisa looked alarmed.
"I'm sorry! Did I make you cry?" Tomohisa looked at him worriedly while wiping away the tears that Kazu missed.
"You did. You, you... Why did you have to confess first? I tried not to for the past, what, decade and you just went and did it before me."
Tomohisa was clearly surprised at Kazu's outburst. "Wait, does that mean you feel the same way?"
Kazu just realized he ran his mouth off without thinking. His emotions got ahead of him. This was not his plan at all to happen. He just wanted to go home and take a bath. Tomohisa was trying to take a peek at his face.
"What do you really feel about me, Kazu? Will you tell me?"
Kazu stopped when he heard the change in tone in Tomohisa's voice. Maybe it was just Kazu but he felt the pain in Tomohisa's question. He felt the sincerity and at the same time, the longing in his voice. Kazu knew all too well how that feels since he himself tried suppressing his feelings for the other guy and postponed his confession for almost a decade. Tomohisa was brave enough to tell him what he really feels about him. Kazu would hate himself for the rest of his life if he lied about his true feelings at this very moment.
"I like you so much, Tomohisa. Longer than you know--"
Tomohisa enveloped him in an embrace. Kazuna cannot help but fight back the tears from falling down. How long did he wished for Tomohisa to hold him like this? It was too painfully long and for the first time in his life, Kazu felt all the weight from his shoulders were being lifted off. He embraced him back, drowning himself in Tomohisa's scent.
"I love you, Kazuna."
Tomohisa gave space between them but he did not let go of the other one. Kazu's hair was a little disheveled, the area around his eyes were starting to get puffy and his face was red. It was totally a sight Kazu would not want others to see but here was Tomohisa, who witnessed a side of Kazu that probably no one else know.
"Tell me that again." Kazu stared at his eyes. Tomohisa was brimming with happiness and all he wanted to do right now was to tell Kazu how much he loves him. He tucked the lock of hair behind Kazu's ear.
"I love you."
Tomohisa slowly tilted his head. Kazu instinctively fluttered his eyes closed. Tomohisa captured the moment with his eyes before finally closing the small gap between them.
--
Click click
The two continued to hold each other's hands while walking under the black sky. The two of them were lost in their own world that they did not notice the suspicious-looking black car that just drove away.