I have built a wall around myself, an unspoken, yet determined distance from others which I rarely can cross. Engaging in college has not changed it a bit, unapproachable and approaching, I have been living this kind of life for the past two years, a silent loner roaming the busy corridors of this huge institution.

Though, it's not like I care about that in the least. People are loud and shallow as ever, and if they aren't, all I can know about are appearances. Today's lecture had just come to an end, and I swiftly left, since I barely paid attention to whatever the professor said.

As I left, it was night, a starry sky which I was not too fond of — since it was not Chiba, but Tokyo. I took a liking to it after these couple of years, but it would never match my hometown! Even though they are not that far at all, distance isn't all that matters.

My steps blended into the busy streets, the artificial lights becoming far more noticeable as the natural sunlight hid itself behind the west, its reflection being swallowed by the horizon. My trusty bicycle avoided the use of crowded public spaces, and allowed me to reach the apartment complex I have been living in.

It was actually pretty close to where I have been taking my courses, and had plenty of space. Of course, I have not been paying for this place on my own, my wage slave parents wouldn't be able to handle it! And they (righteously so) have been helping my cute little sister Komachi with cram school, so they have their hands full until she graduates, which will help soon enough. (Not to mention, I'm also at a private institution. Let's not talk about it.)

The reason I'm able to live here is due to my dear partner, Yukino Yukinoshita. Which makes me ponder, how does her family have so much money?I mean, her mother is ruthless, and so is her sister, and she herself also takes a bit from them… Scary. Perhaps it's their family's true business?How many honest workers has the private enterprise ripped off to make obscene amounts of money? Generational wealth sure is a scary thing…

They even denied me when I told them I would help pay part of it! Multiple times! 'No, you can't pay part of it because you are not going to live with Yukino, isn't that right, Haruno?' Mamanon cold heartedly stated that! And Haruno-san… Wait, what was she doing in this story again? I don't care, actually. The less I think about her, the better… Anyways, our plan worked out in the end.

I have, however, been doing my part as well to keep this apartment organized! I mostly take care of everything related to cleaning… Well, this just shows how much I appreciate the other things Yukino does! Like paying most of it and cooking! People sometimes call it our lovenest! (Source: my own thoughts)

Lovenest… How is that even a concept different from just a house where a couple lives? A couple of roses and crimson balloons, and you have a lovenest now? However, saying they are not different, would be to say that the 'love' I feel for Yukino now is the same 'love' I felt the uncountable amount of confessions I did during middle school…Wait, was that even love?Probably not. Just my disgusting self looking for approval in wrong interpretations of my own selfish ego.

Just foul and awry actions that taint my innards with troublesome and hurtful , do I have a more recent case of love to compare?When this sentence formed in my head, I got myself thinking about how I saw Totsuka Saika, a friend who was my classmate during the second year of high way, right?I shook that idea off, but a feeling now took over, like an all-consuming void. How can I put those feelings into words? Such a conundrum has plagued me since my teenage years, and probably won't fade away any time soon.

This sentiment blanked my mind. In such a way that, before I knew it, I was at the apartment's entrance. After chaining my bike in the indoors part of the condominium, I started walking to the elevator, soon entering it. As I did it, my whole trip was spent spinning the ring in my right hand — a gift I gave her on our first year anniversary, inside it had the date written.

Ever since I got it, when I'm thinking, I feel the need to pass my fingers around it. So like this to spend my time was my second nature, now I can't even imagine how I would do this process without do such things come to be? These feelings, attachments and ideas. They blend within you in such a visceral force it affects your actions. You may not even be able to explain why, or what caused it. Yet, they do it.

These conflicting thoughts kept until I reached the apartment's entrance, my hand reached inside my coat's pocket, adding to the cold in my fingers a new chilling sensation as it touched something solid — of course, it was my key. I opened the door and walked in, feeling a slight warm gust of wind surround me as I walked inside and removed my shoes. "I'm home." The brief words left my mouth instinctually while my feet, now only covered by my socks, walked in.

"Welcome back." Soft-spoken words answered me back, and as I turned inside, an ice pillar illuminated the cold ambience, although it blended in naturally. Yukino's smile, which my eager heart pumped blood only so it could see it one next time, was bright, the scene like a painting I had entered and stared back at me. Something I could never grow tired of. She wore a cute, though a bit old, purple apron, with a black cat drawn on the lower part. Her clothes behind it were very light, contrasting the cold which I felt outside and matching the ambience.

Alas, this burning warm sensation brought through the light was slowly consumed by the void within, the black hole which spawned earlier in the day distorted its image in such a way I couldn't recognize this feeling, making me sigh as I threw myself onto the sofa with a wry smile, my eyes probably even more rotten than normal. Almost immediately, Yukino's face became serious. As expected, nothing could go past her. Or, rather, I couldn't hide it, such skill was lost with , how should I explain this to her?

"I believe something happened… Correct?" Her inquiry came on cue to allow me to organize my thoughts, filling the silence that would ensue for a few seconds. So considerate! And the way she was worried was also very cute! So cute! Cutesinderate…? No, that's awful. Kill Syndicate? Sounds like a very evil corporation fighting the protagonist in a shounen manga… It's still bad.

My fingers surrounded the ring once more, spinning it around its own axis while I stared at the ceiling. "...More like something I thought" was the answer I could come up with. I heard light footsteps and then her face appeared upside down, looking at me with inquisitive eyes. "I'll tell you after dinner." To be honest, I was a bit hungry, and that made me a bit annoyed, and I was afraid I may lash something out — 20 years of Hikigaya Hachiman taught me this.

Yukino sighed, seemingly dejected while she nodded, opening a sudden smile. "It's almost ready, so go change." Her voice was warm just as much as it was commanding. The reason I needed to change? It came in the form of a purr, a cute creature called Tama, who, following its name, was very round, and also extremely cute. We adopted her not too long ago, a little less than a year ago. She was a Tonkinese cat with strangely longer hair than usual, seemingly being 's healthy, alright? Don't call PETA on us!

My shower was unintentionally long, but I soon after changed into my indoor clothes — long sweatpants and a white shirt. I walked to our dining room, where Yukino awaited me. Also, there was food above the table, which I didn't understand its purpose… Maybe she felt lonely waiting for me? Poor Yukino!... Oh, right, it's actually dinner… Wait, she made me dinner!

A smile appeared on my face as I sat in front of her, and expressed our gratitude before eating, and so we dined while doing some mindless, unimportant small talk. Normally, this situation would only make me feel like floating, but even now, the self-conscious monster lurked out of its cave to stare at it, forming a passageway for this comfort to be consumed, making me uneasy. What was it? Why couldn't I just enjoy our time like always? Something I missed. That I overlooked, and came into my mind about annoying.

After finishing, I made sure to clean everything thoroughly while Yukino sat by the sofa, seemingly reading a book and now without her apron, her long legs could be better seen, now crossed, her position exhaled a dignified aura. Her gorgeous figure could be only described as breathtaking and addicting, in the same way it was calm and unwavering. The dishes were put away, and so I allowed myself to sit by her side.

Yukino placed her book on the table beside her, positioning her hands on her tights, making slight movements upwards and downwards in repeated motions, inviting me to lie down with a smile. And, so, my body — physically unable to refuse — made my head use her legs as a pillow, which I would gladly accept to be my dying position. "So? What have you thought?" She questioned me.

My eyes closed while my fingers intertwined, enabling myself to feel my ringer with my left hand. I kept my silence for a while, trying to catch the right words. "I'm… Not too sure." I sighed, as my brain eliminated the uncalled conclusions and fallacies which I arrived at. "I'm sure it has something to do with love, though" was all I could add.

She tilted her head to the side, slightly confused, while rubbing her chin. "Love? I didn't think you could understand it…" Yukino smiled a comforting, yet joking smile. Hey? I'm your partner? Your boyfriend? Don't say that. Please. Noticing my absence of a reaction or retort, her countenance appeared more serious. "Perhaps… You need more time?" She added, now caressing my hair. Ah… I could sleep here… As if. My running thoughts wouldn't allow me.

I nodded with a troubled face. It's uncanny how much she understands me. "Yeah… Sorry." I felt guilty for not telling her, but not even myself could tell what was really going on right now.

Silence surrounded us in a comfortable atmosphere, which I tried to grab however I could before it was consumed. This fucking black .Perhaps noticing my uneasiness, her voice came out once more. "Right… Do you remember the class reunion is coming? We have to go to Chiba tomorrow." Even though it wasn't actually tomorrow and Chiba was pretty close to Tokyo, we both had some other things to do, so we would arrive earlier.

I rolled my eyes. "Why do we need to go? It's not really like I care about most of them. Not only that, it's a superficial meeting with superficial intentions about relationships that don't even exist. Honestly, it can only be described as a commemoration of futility and triviality, exalting those who didn't accomplish anything beyond their teenage years."

Massaging her temple, Yukino shut her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh "Because Yuigahama asked us to go." Those simple words were enough to make my senseless and useless rant go away, which softened her expression while I could only concur.

"Right… That's actually fair." My face softened, and for this brief moment, I could feel this lighthearted moment in its entirety.

—

The next day, we promptly left for Chiba and arrived at her old apartment, which feels oddly nostalgic despite having finished high school not too long ago. I was alone there as Yukinoshita left to work some things out with her family. Usually, I would get dragged along, but this time around it seemed that it was a Yukino-exclusive encounter.

Therefore, I was alone at home, and I know Komachi and my parents were busy for today, so there was nothing to do besides lie down and play throughout the day, occasionally making myself some sweet coffee… Hm… I think I'm forgetting something…

Oh, right. Due to Chiba's superiority, it was one the few places with MAX Coffee to be bought anywhere, and I have missed that sugary taste of my teen years! It was kind of late in the night, so it was a bit chilly outside. Nonetheless, I left after getting properly dressed to find the cold winds.

Even so, there was something colder rotting in my insides. The heat got consumed and all left were my thoughts. The silver spinned around my finger as love tried to rationalize itself inside me. The things I felt before high school could be mostly discarded as 'not-love', although they are useful to understand what it truly is. Then, what I could use was barely 5 years worth of time, of which 3 of them I have been with Yukino.

How the hell should I think about it? I was very fond of Totsuka, but, no way, right? And what does it even mean? Should I reduce everything that I spent with someone, all the pain, humiliation, consideration and thoughts which I threw away, all my determination and fuzzy things inside? All of it is just one word? No way I can accept that. But, nevertheless, maybe I can find the middle ground? In the midst of everything, where does love lie?

Falling from the vending machine, it came to me in the form of a yellow and warm can, the flavor of happiness and youth… Or part of it, anyways. I'm pretty sure my youth was bittersweet if you decided on a taste. And far more on the bitter part. But MAX Coffee balanced it out with its inhuman amount of sugar and condensed milk.

It warmed the cold tip of my fingers a bit and I opened it, taking small sips between breaths to cool it down, accommodating my sensitive tongue. Instead of walking back, I felt compelled to sit down on a close-by bench as I watched the street mindlessly, busy with my working mind. I don't know how much time passed as I analyzed my memories, trying to go beyond Totsuka, yet always reaching him again, but I came back to myself as I saw two familiar faces on the other side of the street.

Hayama Hayato and Yukinoshita Haruno walked inside a convenience store. It has been a while since I saw the two of them, and it came to me how it must be for the common folk, like someone as myself, to see them walking together. Haruno's beauty was nearly unmatched, of course. Yukino's blood was partially in her veins too, so that would be obvious. Her clothes were always stylish and I think it may be impossible for her to look bad. Again, she has the Yukinoshita genes.

As for Hayato, his presence is heartwarming, and he was not bad looking either. Actually, he was very popular in school. I remember he did serve some use with those skills and high specs of his… What was it? It was about… Kawa… Kawasomething-san? Yeah, I think that was it. And we used his abilities… Even my heart fluttered when Hayato spoke to her! Wait. What was that about my heart fluttering?... Now that I think of it… It happened other times… I answered Komachi once that we couldn't marry because of personalities only… Hm…

How queer.

My coffee had ended for a while now, and, luckily enough, the duo had yet to leave the store, so I promptly got up and left before they saw me. Honestly, it was mostly due to the fact Haruno was so scary… She would've read through me instantaneously!