Ron the True Fan: Death to filler. Filler is PAIN. JOHTO IS PAIN.
Rustboro City, Hoenn Region - 1312 hours local time - Day 801 of Ash Ketchum's Pokemon Journey
Kyoji Akamura cackled. Ash's reaction to Zinnia's blunt declaration was STILL hilarious even three weeks later.
It was even funnier when she tried getting started, only for Serena to seemingly teleport in and glare her into submission, though she DID test Zinnia for heartbeat duty. It worked.
Ash was not pleased, only making him laugh HARDER the next morning.
"Curb your amusement for five minutes." Ash growled, Kyoji snorting dismissively.
"Never." the soldier said cheekily. "It's been DEPRESSING over the last year or so. We need a laugh."
"Not at my bloody expense." Ash groused, Misty resisting the urge to both defend and damn him.
"Come on, you and May both have a gym battle to go through." the gym leader said, giggling.
"YOU!" came the voice of a irate-sounding woman, storming out of the gym. Her outfit was different and she looked older, with a light amount of ruby red lipstick on her lips, but she looked like Roxanne. "You have no idea what you've done!"
Kyoji smiled at Ash. "Aw, piss off the pretty teacher?" he teased.
The Pallet trainer glared at him. "Go fuck yourself." he snapped.
"THAT! I've had my students swearing at me for almost THREE WEEKS thanks to your yelling!" Roxanne snapped. "Fuck this and fuck that!"
"Fuck me sideways." Serena added, making Ash and Max look at her incredulously. "Oh, come on, you know I'm a massive pervert. I'm just rolling with the stereotype."
"Sweetheart, would you mind not pissing off the teacher that May and I are going to have to fight today?" Ash asked the Kalosian woman he was engaged to and loved dearly.
Roxanne blinked. "Thirty minutes, then YOU'RE first." the gym leader said before running back towards the gym.
Ash sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose and promptly wanted to disappear. "She's probably thinking she can use the sexy teacher thing against me." he summed up.
"It would be HILARIOUS if you snagged yet another lady for your FINE collection." Kyoji teased, Neesha glaring at him for it, but Zinnia smacked him in the head first.
"We are not things to hang off his arm." the Draconid said, getting the general message.
"It was a JOKE." Kyoji defended, Ash snorting in mild amusement.
"She's not my type anyways." the Pallet native said. "Too stiff."
Kyoji gave him a look of 'WTF' while May PONDERED Ash's statement.
Roxanne was not exactly the 'sexy teacher' type. She taught young children who hadn't even gotten basic sex ed, so her mode of dress was conservative to avoid pissing off her student's parents.
At least, she wasn't the sexy teacher type by default.
"Thank Arceus for children being short." she muttered as she pulled out a box.
She knew she'd find SOMEONE eventually and as such kept a…backup for any potential 'after school activities'.
…What? She was a grown woman and who DOESN'T like the sexy teacher?
She quickly got out of her more stuffy outfit, putting on a very wide dress-like skirt, exposing more of her legs, which were less hidden by her stockings "No time to get pantyhose." she muttered, going to a mirror to find herself looking more appealing.
…Then her eyes darted to her chest.
She was not exactly the bustiest woman in the world - 'Note to self, stab Melony in the face.' she darkly thought, not liking the Galarian for rubbing her face in it for being smaller in the bust department then she was when she visited last year - but there was more then enough heft to draw the eye.
Roxanne undid a few buttons to expose her cleavage just a tad. More then school regulations would like, but she wasn't teaching at the moment, was she?
She was fighting Ash Ketchum, wrecker of everyone's shit. Roxanne needed every advantage she could get.
"I'm noticing a trend." May said as Ash cycled Pokemon in and out using the Pokedex's transfer function. "You're mostly looking for types with a disadvantage to rock."
"I like telling the type chart to go to hell." Ash said simply. "But I'm also cycling in less experienced members of my team."
Iris laughed at that. "Ash, your 'less experienced' team are equal to most gym leaders thanks to being at the ranch with your world-ending team." the Unovan woman - Ash was not liking the fact he was seeing her not as a friend but a soon-to-be lover - snarked. "Seriously, they could level a small town at this rate."
"Don't remind me." Ash retorted dryly, not liking the reminder of Charizard's Siesmic Toss that unleashed Mewtwo on the world.
And three…two…
"You have a MELTAN?" May exclaimed as she saw the Mythical on the screen.
"Didn't want to catch him, but I couldn't release him." Ash said quickly before looking over his team.
Butterfree (he was available, as his mate actually moved into the ranch some time ago) Noivern, Natu, Leavanny and of course, Pikachu.
Theoretically, he could have all of his team on him at all times thanks to an override Ivysaur activated to give him a chance to survive Orre, but he didn't want to violate the rules. This was a regulation match.
May just had Torchic. Her Beautifly, though considering time travel was involved here, he supposed it was still a Wurmple, was waiting on the road ahead.
He missed her having her full team.
Still, the half hour was up, the team was transferred in and all was in readiness.
"Let's get to it." he said, walking into the gym, finding it much the same, though there was oversized fossil Pokemon on the walls. They were, of course, fake.
"Welcome to my gym." came the voice of the gym leader, who sat on a rock, her legs crossed over one another, barely concealed by a wide and very short skirt, her shirt was undone and…was she wearing lipstick now?
She was. Ruby red adorned her lips.
Kyoji STARED. Neesha smacked him in the back of the head. "What?!" he exclaimed.
"If you kept staring, I'd feel jealous." the ace trainer said. "…You want me to copy the look?"
While Kyoji processed Neesha in the sexy teacher outfit, Ash, meanwhile, was not impressed. If anything, he was pissed off. But he kept his voice even. "One, you're not my type." he said. "Two, you're trying too hard to pull the 'sexy teacher' thing. Three… I've seen BIGGER."
Roxanne's seductive facade faded faster than a bolt from the blue, making her indignantly glare at Ash. "Oh, really?!" she demanded. "Who?!"
"Yo." said Serena, making the gym leader - and May, for that matter - look at the Kalosian to find that Serena's bust did look bigger while also being… hidden by chest bindings?! "They don't make bras in my size."
"YOU BITCH!" Roxanne exclaimed, tumbling off the rock backwards, making a yelp as she did. May covered Max's eyes while Neesha put a hand over Kyoji's.
"You don't get panty shots from strangers." the would-be Ranger said simply.
Of course, no one needed to bother doing that for Ash, as he wasn't interested and was too angry at the blatant attempt at screwing with him to CARE.
"Can we PLEASE get this over with?" Ash demanded. "May would like to fight you next."
Roxanne got back to her feet. "Fine!" she snapped, drawing and throwing a pokeball. "Aggron, teach this upstart a lesson!"
Ash simply tossed out a ball and released Butterfree. "You know what to do, buddy." he said.
While it wasn't planned, it just made Roxanne MORE mad. "Aggron, take that bug down!" she ordered. "Metal Burst!"
Ash gave no orders. He didn't need to as Butterfree dropped from the sky, metallic shrapnel shooting off and missing his antennae by mere millimeters, but he flipped with a beat of his wings, regaining lift and charging a confusion in his antennae as he did so.
But Aggron wasn't born yesterday and Ash saw condensation building up and crystalizing on his back.
"He's preparing an Avalanche!" he warned, Butterfree seeing it and firing the psychic attack early, not doing as much damage as it COULD have, but it made it so Aggron couldn't aim properly. Instead, he almost toppled, firing it in Roxanne's direction.
Her more skimpy attire, designed to distract hot-blooded men, was useless against the snow, even if it would melt in the gym's 20 degree heat.
Misty and Serena raised scorecards reading ten, while Iris had an 8 and Anabel a 7.
"Where the hell did you get-" Kyoji started before shaking his head. "Know what, never mind."
"Wise option." Robin said as her masterwinced at Roxanne emerging from the snow. And she was mad.
"I WILL BURY YOU ALIVE!" she snapped.
"Might I suggest you concern yourself with a change of clothes first?" Ash suggested, pointing downward, Roxanne following his finger.
She was two articles of clothing from being nude and one of those two was not her bra.
Credit where it was due on Ash's part, though. He wasn't looking below her chin.
Archie was preparing for a raid on the museum when all hell broke loose at the gym.
"...Tell me that's not Ash Ketchum." the Orrean man asked.
"I WILL POUR LAVA INTO YOUR THROAT, KETCHUM!" came the livid voice of Roxanne.
"It's Ash Ketchum." Shelly deadpanned. "I presume the plan is called off?"
"Presume EVERY plan is called off." Matt exclaimed. "Ash Ketchum is DEATH INCARNATE! You saw what happened to Altomere!"
"THAT was Team Rocket's fault." Shelly snapped.
"I don't care: fall back!" Archie ordered, the grunts all but fleeing for their lives.
Before a Golem fell from the sky heading right for them.
Back in her more stuffy outfit (though disheveled and wrinkled) Roxxane went to war.
A war that Ash Ketchum was WINNING. The fucking parrot just psychically juggled her Golem around and finished him off by teleporting him outside!
"Natu." said the parrot.
"Apparently, she dropped him on a bunch of criminals." Ketchum explained in infuriating calmness. "Win-win, I suppose."
"PROBOPASS, OBLITERATE HIM!" she snapped, her rage finally reaching the breaking point, sending out the magnetic head Pokemon.
"HA! He has a mustache!" Kyoji exclaimed, as…well, Probopass DID have one. Did Ransei not have any members of the line?
Ash's response was to send out a metallic blob with a hex nut as a head with a little iron ball as an 'eye'.
Roxanne's rage went from loud to quiet. "...You have a Meltan." she said. "You have A MELTAN."
"Reluctantly." he replied dryly, as if having a legendary was a stone hung around his neck instead of something anyone would KILL for.
That did it. "STEEL BEAM!" she roared, along with MORE attack orders. "FLASH CANNON! KEEP FIRING UNTIL YOU DIG A HOLE IN THE EARTH ITSELF SO DEEP GROUDON WILL TAKE NOTICE!"
"Hold your ground, Meltan." Ash insisted as Probopass charged up the seemingly lethal order of attacks. "Hold."
"FIRE!" the teacher exclaimed, Probopass firing off thousands of steel shards at Meltan, superheated to the point of becoming liquid.
Ash was not the smartest man on the planet. But he knew enough to know Meltan was in no danger.
After all, what could molten steel do to molten steel but add to it?
Roxanne only realized her mistake as Meltan GREW and turned into a humanoid monster made of steel.
"MELMETAL." said the monster.
"Thanks for the help." Ash said. "Meltan was complaining about evolving for a while and you helped make him a Melmetal."
She looked at the master of this monster. "…Would you accept a bribe?" she asked meekly.
Any gratitude on Ash's face vanished and was replaced with pure fury. "No." he snapped.
Probopass was sent through a wall.
Multicolored emissions shot out of the gym.
"I think I speak for all when I say 'NOPE'." Shelly deadpanned.
"We're leaving." Archie said as calmly as possible, given the circumstances.
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A GYM LEADER!" Ash yelled at Roxanne, who was actually bowing her head in shame as Ash raged. "IS THIS THE EXAMPLE YOU WANT TO SET?! UNDERHANDED TRICKS?! UNPROFESSIONAL ATTITUDES?! YOU ARE BETTER THEN THIS!"
"Yes, papa," Roxanne said automatically, making Ash STARE, the gym leader blushing. "You reminded me of my father."
"Another nail in the daddy coffin." Max snarked, Becca giggling before Ash looked at him in a way someone livid would.
"You know…" Kyoji started. "Her eyes ARE a similar color to yours, Ash…"
"And her hair's a similar shade to May's…" Max mused, turning Ash's ire to them.
"I have no idea what they're talking about." May muttered, before realizing she was talking to Zinnia.
And Zinnia didn't know what the hell SHE was saying.
1420 hours local
May didn't even get the chance to fight Roxanne. She just gave them both badges and locked herself in her office to cry.
"Didn't mean to do that." Ash muttered, as making her cry wasn't the goal. Making her realize she made a mistake and not repeating it was the goal.
"Look on the bright side. At least we knew why you flew off the handle." Serena said. "You don't like cheaters."
"At least it can't get any worse."
"ASH!" came the voice of someone Ash unfortunately knew all too well. Someone he wasn't planning on running into for at least another year.
Her hair was a distinctive red, as were her eyes, and she was wearing a simple pair of black pants with a red skirt over top, a red tanktop that was cut lower then was necessary worn under a black coat.
"I finally found you!" exclaimed Mars of Team Galactic. "The-"
Ash snap drew his Rocket machine pistol and pointed it at her.
Ron the True Fan: As if Ash's life could not get worse.
Takeshi Yamato: Yes. Mars is Here, but thanks to his time in Hisui, she is… different. I pity Ash. I really do. As if ONE Yandere was bad enough. …I'm tempted to do Nute Gunray's Line from Phantom Menace.
Ron the True Fan: And ROXANNE! …Oh, come on, you know the song. As if we WEREN'T going to use it as a gag. The only difference is she unintentionally helped Ash out by evolving Meltan to Melmetal. And you got a gym battle! PART of one, mostly focusing on the aftermath, but there was enough. That said, this is the FUNNY arc.
Takeshi Yamato: Yes. Johto was bad, so we needed a lighter arc. Before the Dark Times. Before Sinnoh.
Ron the True Fan: (Picks up USAS-12) You know the price of SPOILERS, Take…
Ja Ne! (Sounds of shotgun firing and Take yelping)