Disclaimer – Warning Drug Abuse and Domestic Violence
Chapter 9: Decisions…
Standing outside, in the emergency room hallway, I understood why people smoked to pass the time. Charlotte and I stood across from each other, trying to avoid each other's gaze. Looking at the clock, looking at the nurse's station, looking at anything, and willing the time to fly. At this point, I had been at the hospital for several hours, and I wanted to leave. I called my parents' home around eight, and my mother informed me that the kids were asleep, her tone leaving no doubt about how hurt and disappointed she was. Her disappointment hurt me more than what Jasper had done to me, and I wondered if I had the strength to stand behind him.
I called James and Laurent to inform them that Jasper wasn't well and would be out for a while, mainly on FMLA. Given the reception I received, I realized Jasper had given them some bullshit reason about our problems. I didn't have the time or inclination to correct them. I never cared for James; he stared at me like a piece of meat, and Laurent made snide, condensing remarks that Jasper always dismissed as funny. As I stood with Maggie, I realized that in Jasper's world, I put up a lot of condescending remarks to keep the peace. That was shit I no longer had patience for.
While Peter was talking to Jasper, I reviewed the paperwork that my colleague Irene gave me. The rehab center they were recommending was pricey, to say the least. It would cost at least thirty thousand dollars, and not much was covered by insurance. Getting him in was going to require a deposit of fifteen thousand dollars. I could feel my stomach churn as I tried to determine where the money would come from. I only knew of two places where this money would come from, and I was pretty sure option A would be a dead end since Jasper's parents were in denial.
Charlotte clearly believed her son was being maligned, but Peter, who knows about Peter. There was a reason the man was a highly sought-after defense attorney. He knew how to manipulate a situation and tell a good story. It was one of the reasons why Jasper had rejected law school initially, even though I thought he would have been a good lawyer himself. But I knew Peter; he was willing to get Jasper out of jail, but he would tell us if I wanted rehab, I'd have to pay for it. That would be the deal.
As if reading my mind, the man himself came to the door. "Bella," Peter said, "I need to speak with you."
"Should we do this in Jasper's room?" I asked.
Peter shook his head. "No, we need a private spot."
"I'll grab the family room."
An hour and a half, I left the family conference room. Peter didn't disappoint me. He informed me if I wanted to continue with the damage I did to Jasper, I would have to come up with the money to pay for rehab. Peter would cover the legal fees if I wanted to drop the charges against Jasper. Then he proceeded to tell me what he really thought of me and my "white trash" family and that any substance abuse problems Jasper had were due to putting up with me. In other words, all this was my fault. I always knew his parents didn't like me, but to have that confirmed that way just hurt. Some days I could see why Jasper was the way he was.
I wondered what my family would think about this compromise I came up with, but that was irrelevant; I had to sell Jasper first. And if we had any sort of future as a couple, he would have to agree to what I had just arranged. Walking back to Jasper's room, I caught my reflection on the plexi-glass. I didn't recognize the person in the reflection, her scraggly brown hair in a sloppy ponytail, linty glasses, bruises in very states of healing around her face. I needed to grow a goddamn backbone.
Jasper was in room fourteen, which was actually room thirteen. Rooms were numbered like floors, and thirteen was skipped because nobody wanted bad luck.
Hah, I thought to myself, I had nothing but bad luck for the last few years, and I just wanted peace now.
Standing in front of faux fourteen, I gently pushed in the lever handle, my physical action contrasting with my stormy emotions.
Jasper lay in bed, looking fragile. Some color had returned to his complexion. For a brief moment, I wondered if he was a vampire trashing some of my essence into himself. His blond curls, not unlike Alex's dark ones, made an interesting halo around the pillow his head was on.
"Hello," I said softly, walking over to the bed.
"Bella," he whispered my name like a prayer. "You came back. Please tell me this whole
thing is just a nightmare."
"I wish it was," I said, sitting down. "I wish this was just a bad nightmare. Jasper, you don't know how many times in the past couple of years I have wished I would wake up and the man I fell in love with came back. The sweet guy who used to bring me lattes so I could study for finals. The guy who used to massage my feet after a long shift or told me I was the only thing he needed."
"Honey, I am that guy," Jasper pleaded, "I promise I am that guy. I'm so sorry about everything."
"Really?" I replied sharply, "Because you're either at work or high. Don't give me that shit about needing it for your pain because we both know you're taking more than you're supposed to, and you have three or four doctors on standby."
When I mentioned his addiction, his face morphed into fury, so I continued not letting him respond.
"You did this to me," I said, pointing to my face, and then I lifted my shirt so he could see my ribs. He winced. "You did this to me, and Alex is all bruised up. He's terrified of you, Jasper! Is that what you want? A relationship where your son is terrified of you and feels the need to protect me? Because I've been there, and you'll never recover from it!"
"Of course not," he spat. "Fine, you want me to go to rehab? I'll go to rehab even though I don't have a problem."
"Jasper, I don't think you get it," I replied, looking down at the railing, wondering when he would get how serious this was.
"Then enlighten me, Bella, please. What do I need to do to make this go away? How do I make it go away?" Jasper asked, looking exasperated.
"First off, this isn't going to be cheap," I informed him. "I just plunked down a fifteen
thousand non-refundable deposit on my credit card."
"You did what!" he exclaimed. Our own wedding hadn't even cost that much.
"You heard me," I snapped, "I dropped a shitload of money on you because I believe you need it and if you follow through with treatment you can get healthy again. Because Jasper, you look like crap. You're sallow, and you've lost weight."
"That's fifteen thousand dollars on a credit card," he moaned, "Why didn't you ask my parents?"
"Because your father informed me two things; first, he thinks I'm a piece of white trash, thanks Jasper," I said sharply, his pained expression confirming what I thought, "Secondly, again, his words, he informed me that since I caused this mess, he was only going to cover your legal fees. If I want you to go to rehab, I have to pay for it. Rehab is going to cost fifty thousand dollars."
"Bella, we don't have fifty grand to cover this," Jasper replied, palming his face. This is ridiculous. You should have discussed this with me."
"You see, that's where you're wrong, Jasper, I don't have to discuss anything with you. You beat the shit out of me and my son, I'm done putting my head in the sand with you," I retorted, "So here's the deal, if you want to stay in this marriage –"
"I do, Bella, I do," he pleaded, reaching for my hand. For a brief moment, our hands touched, and again, I was reminded of all the good times we had together in the last ten years. But the nostalgia passed, and I was left with repulsion in its wake.
"If you're serious and complete the rehab program, we have a chance. This program will last ninety days," I informed, watching him wince.
"Ninety days? We can't afford me to be out of commission for ninety days," Jasper whined.
"We can't afford for you to not be clean," I replied, giving him my dirtiest look, the one I reserved for patients who tried to hit on me. "If we going to make this work, we're going to have to sell the house."
"What!" he exclaimed, "What do you mean?"
"It's a seller's market at the moment, so I don't think we'll have a hard time selling it," I said.
"I know it's goddamn seller's market, and we live in one of the best areas of town. There is no way we'll ever find the deal we got," he retorted.
Jasper wasn't wrong about that. We got lucky, having bought the house just before the market took off.
"I repeat, our marriage can't afford you not to be clean," I told him firmly, "That house is our only asset. The other thing, Jasper, is that we need a fresh start. If you want us to work as married couple, we'll have to do it some where other then that house. I don't want to live there again; your addiction tainted it."
"But it's a beautiful home," he replied, looking sad.
"It was a beautiful home," I agreed, "But now all it does is remind me about your preference for pills over us and how you beat the shit out of me."
"If I do this, we can start over. I can come home. Things could be like they were?" Jasper asked, his eyes looking suspiciously wet. My heart went to him for a moment until I remembered why we were in this mess.
"I don't know Jasper," I told him truthfully. What I do know is that there is no future for us as a couple if you don't go through with rehab. And I don't mean you try it and see if you like it. You commit to this like you did with football, and you give it your all. Then we'll see where you are because I'm not living with you until you've proven that you have changed.
"Here are my terms, you complete rehab, and when you come home, you find a place of your own because right now, I can't stand to be around you."
Jasper gasped, clutching his side. "No, Bella, no, you can't leave me."
I held my hand and continued, "You are going to sign the documents I have with me so we can put the house on the market." During that hour, after Peter's initial shock, I called my friend Tanya, a realtor, who faxed me a contract to sell the house.
"We are going to put the house on the market, and the profit we make will be split down the middle after we use your share to pay me back for that money I put on my card," I told him, "We are going to work visitation for you to visit, but it will be supervised. I visited a lawyer today, and she is drawing up a separation for you and me as we speak. Once you're home, and if you're serious about being clean, we will see a family therapist. If you're clean for a year, we can see about starting over."
"Are you serious?" he whispered.
I nodded, knowing I was taking advantage of him at the moment, but sometimes, you had to fight fire with fire. I put down fifteen thousand dollars I didn't have on the bet that he would feel guilty enough to go to rehab. In my career, I'd seen more than enough addicts not follow through with their sobriety after getting clean. Jasper wasn't an evil man.
His addiction made him a different person. One day came to mind, the day we found out Ellen was a girl. He got on his knees, put his hands on my belly, and talked about how he was going to protect his little girl from the world. That was the Jasper I wanted to come home, not this person.
"Take it or leave it," I repeated, pulling the documents out of my purse with a pen. If you don't take it, I will leave here, call Charlie, and have them put cuffs back on you. Your father isn't the only one who makes threats."
After my confrontation with Jasper, I called Dr. Cain and told her that everything was ready, and he would go to rehab, but he needed to go tonight. She and the staff arranged for Jasper's medical transport to the rehab facility.
My in-laws looked at me surprised, wondering where I got the money, but we didn't speak for long. For one thing, I told the staff that they were not allowed back there and that, as Jasper's next of kin, I didn't want to visit him in the emergency room or the rehab center. I wouldn't let Peter or Charlotte take him to their house. For Peter, some sort of tough love, and for Charlotte, some coddling.
Before Peter could pontificate anymore, I reminded him about our deal: he would pay Jasper's legal fees, and I would worry about the rehab center, or everything was off the table, and I would push the charges. I also told them to stay the hell away from me and my kids. I would not ever tolerate them around me or allow them to poison Alex or Ellie with their garbage. For the first time in my decade-long relationship with Jasper and these people, they backed the fuck off.
I had what I needed. I faxed the contract to Tanya so we could sell the house. Jasper signed the power of attorney, allowing us to make the sale without him present. I was sure his parents would be furious when they found out, but they would be too late. Tanya told me there was a lot of interest in my neighborhood. It was no problem; as long as the buyer paid full price, they could have it.
I made my way to the mostly empty waiting room and got my cell phone out to call a cab. It was time to eat crow and apologize to my mom and the rest of the family.
"You ready to go home?" a gruff voice asked, scaring the bejesus out of me.
I nearly jumped on the newly washed tiled floor. "Jesus, Dad, you scared the hell out of me," I told him. Charlie was sitting in one of the chairs, legs crossed, looking tired.
"You do want you needed to do?" he repeated, patting the chair beside him.
I sank down gratefully. "Yeah, I did, I got Jasper to agree to rehab," I explained, feeling
exhausted. "They just took him, and I instructed the staff not to let Peter or Charlotte go anywhere near him."
Charlie chuckled darkly. "Yeah, you that won't hold them for long," he replied.
"I know, but it should hold until Jasper gets through the worst of the detox," I said.
Charlie shrugged his shoulders. "So, you taking him back?" he asked.
I took a deep sigh and explained what I had done. "So you think I'm an idiot?" I asked. My usually taciturn father looked at me like I had two heads.
"No, that took some serious balls, Bella," Charlie said, shaking his head. You know you're going to have a fight on your hands when Jasper's parents realize what you did."
"I'm sure they will, but what good will that do for them? It won't change the fact that I can sell the house, or Jasper will be in rehab," I said, "And frankly, after what they said, they can fuck themselves."
Charlie laughed this time, a full-bodied one, then sobered up. "I'm sorry for being self-righteous earlier. You're right; I had no business."
"Don't be sorry, you're right. Both you and Mom, you lived it," I told him.
"So did you. I'm so sorry, Bella, for not doing right by you when you were little," Charlie said, stopping short of hugging me.
I took his hand and squeezed it. "You're doing right by me and my kids. That's what counts. It's a pity Jasper's parents don't understand it."
AN: First, I want to dedicate this chapter to my father who died last year in Nov '23. I miss you dad and thank you for always being there. You are greatly missed by those who love you. And yes, twice in the same week – must be the hint of spring in the air…
So, what did you think about Bella ultimatum? A little dark? Did you caught the part about where she's realized what Jasper's being saying behind her back? Do you think she was using Jasper's illness to get what she wants? Maybe. Bella is being realistic, but she does care for Jasper. She is hoping that Jasper flourishes in rehab and kicks his habit. And sadly a lot of people enter rehab due to a court order or being threatened with jail time. Some people realized during their stay about real their addiction is and want to get better Others don't. What she does know that is Jasper is very vulnerable right now and is more likely do what she wants. A better question what a judge might think?
And remember this the mid-2006s at the time it was a seller's market, we're about a year and half before the financial collapse and remember California is one the hardest hit states. Bella can't see the future but she knows she is going to need a lot of money and that Jasper could legally tie her up in court if she doesn't act first. And would you want to live in a house where some of your worst memories are?
Sad fact – it takes on average around 5 rehab stays to get sober. Another fact, you have a better success rate the longer you stay in rehab.
For now, Jasper is in his program and will not have visitors for two weeks. Visitor policy varies across different facilities.