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26
"Are you sure?" He looks at me with a furrowed brow, hands rubbing my back in slow, soft strokes. "There's no need to rush. We'll have more nights to ourselves, Bella."
Until he came into my life, free time wasn't something that I was overly worried about, but now that he was a factor, the more time I wished I had where I didn't have to worry about my mom. I want to argue that it could be weeks, if not months, before we had another free night; however, that's not why I want to take this step with him.
"I know that." I tell him, looking into his eyes, trying to convey how serious I was; to get him to understand that this isn't based on just having an evening where my mom isn't a factor. "Me wanting to be intimate with you isn't something I want to do just because I have the night off. I want to be intimate with you because of how I feel about you. You make me feel safe, loved, and protected. That's why I want to be with you in that way." I bite my lip. "Unless you don't want to."
"Believe me, Bella, it's not because I don't want to." He grips my hips, bringing us closer so I can feel exactly how badly he wants me. "My only concern is you being sure. This isn't something that I want you to feel like you have to rush into. You'd be worth the wait."
I grit my teeth when unexpected tears sting my eyes. So many emotions were going through me. Exhaustion and stress over the rapid timeline of our move, frustration over the fact I couldn't have sex with my boyfriend without it being a big to-do, and… resentment over my role as a caregiver, which made me feel guilty.
"Hey," Edward wipes tears from my cheeks, looking at me in surprise over my sudden change in mood. He moves me so I'm sitting across his lap, wrapping his arms around me and rubbing my back while he lets me cry.
"I'm sorry." I scrub my face, angry that I've dampened our night with my meltdown.
"It's okay." He pushes some hair behind my ear as I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. "Let me in to that beautiful mind of yours. Tell me what has you so upset."
"I'm feeling overwhelmed." I sigh heavily. "Everything just hit me out of nowhere. I think I'm just exhausted." My days had been long over the last week, and the stress wasn't even over yet. The weight of it all was finally catching up to me, and I suddenly felt like I could sleep for a month. "I kind of wrecked our night, didn't I?"
One of his hands comes to cup my cheek, and he gives me that smile I love. "No, baby." His thumb strokes my cheekbone. "I'm happy you told me. I want you to feel like you can lean on me when you need it."
I sigh, burying myself into the soft cotton of his t-shirt. I'd never had someone who wanted to take care of me like this. Angela was a good friend and there for me when I need to talk things out, but she isn't bringing over dinner on Thursday nights or showing up with reinforcements to help us move. I've always been afraid that me taking care of my mom and her living with me would make any future partner run away, but Edward proved me wrong. Every step of the way, he's there to hold my hand and lift me up when I need it.
Goddammit, I'm full-fledged, gone over the deep end, in love with this man.
"You have no idea how much I appreciate you." I tell him, taking one of his hands in mine. "But I feel like I don't do anything for you. At least, not in the way you do for me."
"Bella," he shakes his head at me reproachfully. "You have no idea how wrong you are. Before you came along, my life was boring. I did the same thing every day; it was devoid of color. Then I met you, and you're nothing but color. You make me happy in a way I haven't been in a long time. You're so smart and witty that I sometimes have a hard time keeping up with you. I crave you like I've never craved anyone. And I don't just mean sexually. I want to be with you all the time. You may not show you care about me in the same way, but I wouldn't expect you to. Please don't think you're depriving me of something, because that couldn't be further from the truth."
"Well, when you put it like that." I tease, trying to cover how overwhelmed I am by his monologue. "I fear taking more than I'm giving, and I don't mean just with you." I think back again to my talk with Angela and how I conveyed the same sentiment. She told me I have her back like she has mine, but it's hard for me to see when I'm always the one with the problems.
"You clearly don't see everything you have to offer." He reprimands. "I'm making it my mission to help you get over that misconceived notion you have about yourself."
"Whatever you say." I reply, not fully believing it.
He wants to argue, but a yawn overtakes me, stopping whatever thoughts he wants to share about my obvious distrust of his words.
"You're exhausted." It's not a question; it's a statement.
"A little." The absolute understatement of the century. I didn't think itvwas be this tired.
"Would you like to stay the night?" He asks like it's no big deal, and I envy his nonchalance.
"Yeah. I'd like to stay the night with you." The intimacy of lying next to the person you love is something I've never experienced, and I'm eager to share this with him.
He kisses my cheek as we stand, taking my hand and leading me to the staircase on the left. He finishes giving me the tour. There are three bedrooms; one being used as a guest bedroom, and the other set up as a home library with an overly cushioned couch. I could lived forever in that room.
When we get to the master bedroom down the hall, my eyes go immediately to the painting above his bed.
"You hung it up in here?" I don't know why I phrase it like a question; the answer is obvious.
"Yeah." He stands from the drawer he was rifling through, handing me a threadbare Northwestern t-shirt. "Where else would I have put it?" He gives me a wink, and I roll my eyes at him, but I can't help the smile that lights up my face.
"You can change in the bathroom if you want." He nods his head toward the open door to my right, indicating the en suite.
I start in the direction but pause after only a few steps. Turning to ask about a toothbrush, I'm frozen in place at the sight of him taking his shirt off in that way that men love to do by gripping it at the back of their neck. The muscles I'd had the pleasure of touching are on full display, and I can't move, can't breathe, can't do anything.
I always knew he was attractive, but Edward with his shirt off was ten times better.
He turns slightly, throwing the shirt in the hamper a few feet away. Our eyes lock. He smirks.
My face flames at being caught, and I rush into the sanctuary of the bathroom, not even caring that I didn't ask about a toothbrush.
After taking longer than necessary to change, I finally emerge , finding Edward sitting on the side of the bed, phone in hand, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs. At this point, I'm certain he's trying to kill me, or at the very least, tease me.
It was a mouthwatering sight: all that skin and toned muscle.
"Any major crises while you were gone?" I ask, making my presence known.
His head whips up from his phone, almost like he'd forgotten I was here, and whatever he was going to say dies on his lips when he sees me.
The t-shirt he gave me comes to mid-thigh, so it isn't the most revealing thing I could be wearing, but by the look on his face, I might as well be wearing nothing the way his eyes run over my body.
He clears his throat, placing his phone on the nightstand. "Fortunately, no."
"Good." I shift on my feet, not completely sure what to do.
"Come here, baby." He reaches his hand toward me, and I take it, letting him pull me closer. When I'm standing in front of him, he places a kiss above my belly button. I feel like I'm on fire. "I like you in my clothes." His voice is pure sex as his eyes rake over me one more time. "You've had a long day."
As if conjured by his words, I yawn.
"Let's get you to bed." He says, standing so he can pull back the comforter. The double meaning behind his words has me longing for something other than sleep, but my body is rebelling. Clearly, it's not meant to happen tonight.
Once we're under the covers, Edward pulls me into his side, and I gladly wrap myself around him.
"Thank you for coming today." I look up at him. "We seriously couldn't have done it without you." There were still things to be done, but the list was substantially shorter. We'd all planned to meet back at the store tomorrow at 11 to finish up.
"I was happy to help." He smiles.
I stifle a yawn.
"Sleep, baby."
See you next time.