A Dash of Sarcasm, A Sprinkle Of Chaos

Chapter Ten

Thor-y McPuppyface

Stiles had a problem.

Not the usual kind of problem, like accidentally attracting chaos or spilling coffee on billionaires. No, this was a new problem, one he hadn't prepared for: Thor was now his biggest fan.

And by "biggest fan," he meant that the literal God of Thunder was following him around Stark Tower like an overgrown golden retriever who'd just found his favorite human.

It started almost immediately after The Incident, as Stiles had mentally dubbed it. Thor, who had previously looked at him with vague curiosity and amusement, now gazed at him like he was some kind of divine chosen one.

It was weird.

"Stiles!" Thor boomed as he strode into the living area, his voice echoing off the walls. "There you are, my most worthy companion!"

"Oh no," Stiles muttered, sinking lower into the couch.

Thor ignored his obvious distress and plopped down next to him, the couch groaning under his weight. "I must speak with you," he said, his expression so earnest it was almost painful.

"Can't it wait?" Stiles asked, peeking out from behind his hands. "I'm in the middle of a very important session of… sitting here and avoiding responsibility."

"No!" Thor declared, his booming voice making Stiles wince. "This is most urgent."

Stiles sighed, letting his hands drop as he turned to face the god. "Fine. What is it? Are we under attack? Did Loki decide to start another world-ending prank war? Is there a fire somewhere?"

"No, no, and no," Thor said, shaking his head. "I have come to offer my guidance."

Stiles blinked, completely thrown. "Your guidance?"

"Indeed!" Thor said, leaning forward with an intensity that made Stiles want to back away slowly. "You have proven yourself worthy of Mjolnir, a feat few can accomplish. As such, I believe it is my duty to mentor you in the ways of—"

"Yeah, no," Stiles interrupted, holding up a hand. "Let's stop right there. First of all, I don't need a mentor. Second of all, I didn't mean to pick up your magical hammer. It just… happened. Like a freak accident. So let's not make this a whole thing, okay?"

Thor frowned, clearly not used to being interrupted. "It was no accident, Stiles. Mjolnir chose you."

"Well, that was its first mistake," Stiles said, crossing his arms.

Thor's frown deepened, his expression so genuinely hurt that Stiles almost felt bad. Almost. "Do you truly believe you are unworthy?"

"I mean, yeah," Stiles said, shrugging. "Have you met me? I'm a walking disaster. Half the time, I don't even know what I'm doing, and the other half, I'm winging it and hoping I don't die."

"Yet you persist," Thor said, his voice softening. "You face chaos with bravery and wit, and you protect those you care for without hesitation. These are the qualities of a warrior."

Stiles stared at him, thrown off by the sincerity in his voice. "Okay, first of all, I'm not a warrior. I'm just a guy with a smart mouth and a really questionable track record. Second of all, I don't even want to wield Mjolnir. That's your thing. You're the hammer guy. Let's not mess with the branding."

Thor tilted his head, his eyes narrowing in thought. "Are you… embarrassed by this honor?"

"Embarrassed isn't the word I'd use," Stiles said. "More like… mildly horrified. And also confused. Mostly confused."

Thor chuckled, a deep, booming sound that made Stiles flinch. "You are humble, Stiles, though you hide it behind your sharp tongue. I respect that."

"Great," Stiles said, rolling his eyes. "Glad to know I've earned the respect of Asgard's version of Captain America."

Thor grinned, apparently not catching the sarcasm. "I would gladly fight by your side, my friend."

"Yeah, well, let's hope it doesn't come to that," Stiles muttered.

Before Thor could respond, Tony strolled into the room, a glass of something dark and expensive-looking in his hand. He took one look at Stiles and Thor and immediately smirked.

"Wow," Tony said, raising an eyebrow. "You really did break him, Stilinski. He's gone full puppy mode."

"Don't start," Stiles groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't need this from you right now, Stark."

"Oh, but you do," Tony said, leaning against the wall. "This is the most entertaining thing I've seen all week. Thor, buddy, you okay over there? You're looking a little… clingy."

"I am simply showing my respect for one who has proven himself worthy," Thor said, completely unbothered by Tony's teasing.

"Yeah, we've covered that," Stiles said, waving a hand. "Can we maybe not make a big deal out of it? I'd like to keep the number of people questioning my sanity to a minimum."

Tony grinned. "Too late for that, kid. You picked up the hammer. You're officially part of the 'weird crap happens to me' club."

"Awesome," Stiles said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Exactly what I wanted."

Thor reached out and clapped him on the back, nearly sending him face-first into the coffee table. "Do not be so modest, Stiles! You have earned this honor, and I, for one, am proud to call you my ally."

"Proud," Stiles repeated flatly. "Great. That makes one of us."

"Aw, don't sell yourself short," Tony said, smirking. "You're kind of growing on me too. Like a really sarcastic, high-maintenance weed."

"Gee, thanks," Stiles said, glaring at him. "That's exactly the kind of validation I was looking for."

"You're welcome," Tony said, his grin widening.

Thor, meanwhile, looked between the two of them with something like approval. "You two make a fine team," he declared.

Stiles groaned, slumping back into the couch. "This is my life now, isn't it? Stuck in a tower with a smug billionaire and a thunder god who thinks I'm his new best friend."

"Don't forget the highly trained assassins," Tony said. "And the guy with the bow. You're gonna love him."

"Oh, I already regret everything," Stiles muttered.

Thor clapped him on the back again, his booming laugh filling the room. "Welcome to the family, Stiles Stilinski!"

Stiles stared at the ceiling, silently praying for the strength to survive this newfound "family."

--