Arms flailing, she jerked awake with a groan, pain from the day catching up from her, phantom touches ice on her skin. "NO!"

"Hey…shhh…Hailey it's Kim. You're okay… You're in the hospital."

She gasped in a stuttering breath and let it out in a sob at what she just relived in her nightmare, trying to stop any and all emotion there, trying to force down the tears that had pricked her eyes, with thoughts of Jay. The last thing she remembered was standing by his bed. God, he was so out of it, in so much pain…she prayed he remembered their conversation…remembered that he saved her…saved her…

Kim's heart seized at the pain that engulfed Hailey, at the fear glued to her face bruised face.

"Hailey…can I…"

She ignored Kim for the moment and continued to steady her breathing, exhaling the last fumes of her anxiety over what she went through, forcing herself to focus on her partner.

"Jay?"

Kim followed her lead and didn't focus on the nightmare she just witnessed, letting Hailey deflect with her very real concern for Jay.

"They're still looking at him. They want to get a CT. Looks like he has a pretty significant concussion and he'll need surgery on his wrists."

Hailey closed her eyes. She had seen his wrists. They looked awful…he broke through the zip ties…

"Okay…okay…"

Knowing Jay was in good hands took away some of her worry, her distraction, allowing the memories from the nightmare to break though - the phantom touches, evil wanting eyes hovering above her…the scrape of her jeans against her hip bones when he yanked on them.

She paused for a moment and looked at her hands. It was barely a whisper but it was wrapped in the heaviness of shame.

"I feel so… I need to…" she looked up at Kim, tears flooded her eyes and instantly escaped to roll down her cheeks.

"They…he didn't rape me…" she took a big breath then continued, '"They knew we were Intelligence, wanted to know what we knew about their operation. They were concentrating on Jay mostly. But then the one guy, the one guy. He…"

She curled her hands into tight fists and stared at them a moment before looking at Kim again.

"He… …Can you ask them if I can take a shower?"

A quiet sob escaped and a tremble ran through her body, breaking Kim's heart.

"I still feel so fucking dirty…and he didn't even do anything…"

"Yes he did Hails…what he did…you know this and you also know that whatever you are feeling right now…Hailey, there's no wrong feeling here…"

Kim saw the look on her friend's face, "Hey…none of this was your fault…you know that right, none of it."

She cringed out a smile thinking of all the sexual assault victims she had told the exact same thing, "Ya, I know…on the surface…hasn't quite sunk in yet…"

XXXXXXX

Later Jay's room

"Can't believe he broke through those zip ties."

"Adrenaline, man."

Their focus slid back and forth between Hailey and Jay. Jay was an hour out of surgery and still out cold from the anesthesia. They had cleaned him up and Will had put him in sweat pants and a loose t-shirt, but he still looked terrible. Black eyes and bruises on his cheek, forehead and chin, as well as cuts across the bridge of his nose and under his eyebrow, stood out prominently against his pale skin.

An IV in the crook of his left elbow transported drugs and fluid into his body, and wires for the heart monitor peaked out from the top of his t-shirt. It was like he went from tied to that chair to tethered to the bed, but this time by things meant to help, not hurt. All that, along with the hiss of oxygen from the cannula under his nose, was unnerving.

Hailey, littered with her own external injuries, bruised knuckles, a black eye, and bruised and split lips, had escaped her room and was sitting in the hard chair nearest Jay's bed. She was leaning back with her arms crossed tightly against her chest and legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. Casual but closed off. She was trying hard to push away what she went through and concentrate on Jay instead.

They were all worried, but Hailey's worry came with guilt. She felt responsible for Jay being so injured. They were all sure that Hailey knew deep down, that she wasn't responsible in the least, but that didn't stop her, hell, wouldn't stop any of them in the same position, from feeling guilty to some degree. Especially because not only had Jay been injured, but there was the possibility he might not be able to return to the job he loved.

Kim looked at Hailey who'd been quiet the whole time they've sat in Jay's room. She almost touched her arm but caught herself. "Hailey…"

Lost in thought and the pain of her concussion, it took Hailey a moment to answer Kim even though she had her, "Ya?"

"How're you doing? Can I get you anything?"

Hailey sighed at the question. She only wanted one thing.

"I wish he'd wake up."

She looked at all of them with big tears in her eyes and gave up any pretense of calm. Scooting her chair forward, she touched the tips of her partner's fingers.

"I just…I just wish he would wake up."

Both of Jay's wrists, forearms to knuckles, were splinted and heavily wrapped. The surgery had gone well on both but there was a lot of damage. Will said they were optimistic about his recovery and returning to work. A lot of physical therapy and he'd be back catching the bad guys in no time.

To Hailey, optimistic wasn't enough. She needed 'for sure,' or, 'wouldn't be an issue.' She didn't want that fear hanging over Jay's head.

She stared at Jay's sleeping face and uttered the seed that had planted Jay in that bed, "He thought they raped me."

She ghosted her fingers over the cuts and bruises over his knuckles and shook her head. "He broke free to get to me. It could cost him his career."

"But it won't."

Hailey looked up to where Voight quietly stood, leaning against the door jamb.

She wanted to lean into her boss's certainty. They all knew what Will said, but she wouldn't be able to believe it until Jay was sitting on the corner of her desk, grumbling about being on desk duty.

She knew it was the drugs from surgery still keeping him under, but needed him to wake up.

X

Later

His head is slammed to the right when the fist connects with his jaw. He's not sure how he got here, why he's here, the continuous blows have seemed to knock that information out of him. His wrists are strapped to the arms of the chair with zip ties.

He hears them. Hears what they are doing to Hailey but he can't break through. No matter how hard he tries his hands are trapped. He can't get free. Hailey is screaming. He needs to get to her but he can't. She's so far away and no matter what he does he can't get free. They have their way with her, hurt her and he can't stop them. 'Hailey Hailey HAILEY!'

"Hailey! No no no no! HAILEY!"

He tried to sit up but he was being held down.

"Jay…" Will rushed to the bed, "…ease up guys...Jay...hey wake up. You're in the hospital. You're okay, Hailey's okay."

Letting Will take over, the guys loosened their grip on a struggling Jay, but didn't move incase they were needed.

"Jay, you with me?"

He blinked his eyes up at his brother, Adam and Kev, trying to banish the nightmare but it was still right there.

"Hailey…" His eyes instantly filled with tears then leaked from the corners and into his hair, "Hailey…"

"It was just a nightmare. Hailey's okay, she's taking a nap in a room just down the hall."

"I didn't stop them…" Now that he was awake, the lie of the dream gave way to the truth they assured him off. His eyes scanned the group and more tears flowed, "…not," he groaned out his agony, his failure, "…not everything."

He sucked in a sob that just heightened the pain he was feeling.

Will moved one hand to Jay's shoulder, the other going to his cheek turning his face to him.

Looking in his little brother's eyes, Will did his best to comfort him, "Hailey's all right…she's going to be okay. She has a concussion and Kim's with her."

It was then that Jay seemed to really register the physical pain he was in, and gasped as if he was breathing in frigid air. Curling in on himself, he jerked his arms to his chest at the pain in his wrists, rolled to his side and pulled his knees up.

Somewhere in the melee of the last five minutes the call button had been hit and Ethan appeared. He unlocked the control on the PCA and sent an interim dose through Jay's system, pushing just enough pain meds to take the edge off until they could do their assessment.

"Mmm…mmn…Gg…God."

Jay arched his back a bit then to protect his arms, curled back into as tight of ball as his six foot frame would allow, "mhnn…mmm…whut…wh…"

"Shhh. You'll feel better in a sec. The good stuff's coming."

Jay's whole body loosened to a lethargic puddle a moment later when the pain meds kicked in.

"Jay gonna roll you on your back okay."

Will and Ethan got Jay on his back, both supporting his arms until they had them propped up on the pillows at his hips.

With his eyes half mast, Jay watched them unwrap his wrists revealing rows of bloody train tracks. He winced at the sight of them, not because they hurt, but because they would hurt eventually. He had no say whatsoever as they moved his body. He knew in the back of his mind he hated that the drugs made him feel like this, having no control of anything, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it.

Still indifferent to what was happening in the room, his mind wandered to what had happened out of it.

"Kev," he slurred out his friend's name while his eyes twitched from Kevin to Adam and back again, "Did you get 'm? The guys that hurt Hailey?"

"You got them Jay. You got them."

"You saved Hailey, bro, and yourself. They're both dead. You got them."

He closed his eyes, pulled in a breath and held it. His last solid memory was the asshole pulling on Hailey's jeans. After that the memories were fuzzy and disjointed. He didn't remember killing them, but could sense the muscle memory in his lethargic body, even if his mind was still muddled about it.

"Hey! Breathe Jay."

He let go of the breath he wasn't aware he was holding, and had no choice but to give into the drugs. Giving in didn't stop his thoughts as he sunk into unconsciousness though, didn't stop the guilt, didn't stop the fear of more nightmares that were all too real when he was trapped in them.

XXXXXXX

XXXXXXX

Thanks for reading and your comments and kudos! Last chapter will be up in a few days!

Stay safe! Big Smooch!