Same old sun, same old moon
It's the same old story, same old tune
They all say someday soon
My sins will all be forgiven

Gentle rain falls on me
All life folds back into the sea
We contemplate eternity
Beneath the vast indifference of heaven

The Indifference of Heaven - Warren Zevon

When the clouds closed over Maya Hunter, it began - to paraphrase Chris Claremont – 'with the breaking of a girl's heart, and the twisting of her soul'.The day didn't create the clouds, of course – they had been waiting for years, patiently, on occasion visiting and never leaving far – waiting for the day they would come inside and she would no longer have the strength to force them out.

The one thing Maya had always wanted, after all, was someone or something that would never leave.

It wasn't anyone's fault. Not really. Maya had fought every step of the way to be more than the little girl with half a mom, to be better than the girl who wrote 'BROKEN' on her forehead when they all showcased their flaws. In Isadora Smackle's words, she had never stopped trying to piece herself together. Everyone else would blame themselves for not seeing it, or seeing it and not understanding – but Maya had spent years masking her pain with smiles and indifference. She never wanted them to see, or seeing, certainly did not want them to understand.

Sometimes the clouds simply come to stay.

Maya's thumb had barely grazed the 'send' icon before a DM flashed up on her screen. From Princess. "Bay window. Bay window right now!" It had crossed her own message - no way it was a reply, especially since Maya had sent a text. And her own had been a decidedly less frantic 'Bay window?" adorned with a few smilies.

Riley's seemed a little desperate.

Maya had expected to at least drop by home first. She had all her paints, two finished coal sketches - freshly sealed - and a picture on her phone that had burned in her pocket all the way from the studio. Not to mention something she was both dying to and terrified of telling her best friend.

But if Riley needed her, Maya had never been far away. 'Whatever you want :) 5 minutes', she sent back, and turned her sights to the Matthews' apartments rather than her parents. There had been butterflies in her stomach and a little ice - a wonderful discovery and happening she had to share with the person who meant most to her in all the world, and a little slice of fear, not for how Riley might react, but because of something else that was slowly beginning to rise in her subconsciousness.

Her first thought was that something had happened between Riley and Lucas, but that seemed... impossible. They were doing so well – so well Maya sometimes guiltily envied him the time spent with Riles. And she thought Riley would have called her if something with Lucas had happened, not DM'ed. And not even Riley could have known what Maya had to tell her... Hell, Charlie Gardner would have been hard-pressed to know, and he somehow kneweverything.

Useless to speculate, but there was a sinking feeling in her stomach. Somebody had hurt Riles. She knew it. Now she just had to find out who... and do something about it.

The reason Maya Hunter had been carrying her art supplies and sealed coal drawings through the New York streets on a Saturday evening was quite simple - on occasion, she had a space in an extra art class, on her art teacher Mr. Jackson's recommendation. He had spoken a lot about what it could do for her portfolio, and the possibility of a personal recommendation when she looked for a college, but for Maya, it was just new expressions, new subjects, and another excuse to do the one thing in her life she knew she might be good at. The class touched on things they never talked about in art class - sometimes concepts she couldn't really hope to follow, but her hands seemed to just get.

It was a ray of sunshine – one where she didn't have to navigate complex emotions for the relationship of her best friend and a great friend who might have been her boyfriend, had things been different, And how that intersected with being stupid about a college boy who had promised her a Someday'.

She could just be a girl doing something she liked. Something life might even let her be good at.

This day, they had done act models.

Maya had been too excited to be embarrassed, at first... and then too lost in it all. The embarrassment had come later.

One of the models had been a college girl. Tallish, brunette - almost black-haired, in fact. Maya had missed everything about her, just staring. Something about working up her own portfolio - a model, then. She looked it. She posed effortlessly, with such confidence.

Maya had been in awe. But the painting she had made... that made her embarrassed. Not for its quality - Maya could safely say that the painting she now had pictured on her phone was among the best she had ever actual work was at the course, still.

It was also... erotic. Not the smut Maya sometimes drew for fun and hid under her bed - that was just porn and she knew it. This was sensual. Sexual. Every line and curve detailed as if by touch and electricity-touched memory... which was funny, since she couldn't remember putting down a single brushstroke. She'd just gone into the almost-trance she someplace went when she really worked well, seeing the most gorgeous, awe-inspiring sight she'd ever imagined.

When it was over, and themodels took a look around at the works, Maya had felt like crawling into a very small hole. She didn't know if she was most embarrassed over showing her model the picture, or over the small talk the course holder had with her over what kind of art you needed to talk carefully with the model before you paint. Maya hadn't actually overstepped, she was quick to note, but Maya could still feel her cheeks burning over the entire thing.

The model... perhaps it was just as well Maya couldn't remember her name. She was older than Josh, and Maya didn't need another hopeless crush. Not that she really thought she felt that way - she was more awestruck. And she'd stammered her way through the necessary details when the woman had asked - specifically - for copies of Maya's artwork.

So, now Maya knew. She liked girls.

There were quite a few people she was nervous over sharing this with, particularly the world at large. But Riley was not among them. No, Riley would probably somehow already know - which was impressive, because Maya sure as shit hadn't realized until today.

What was scaring her a little, though...

No, she wasn't gonna think about that. Because that way was giving some consideration to the fact that the model had reminded her of someone. How that someone might look like when she was all grown up.

And Maya had liked what she saw, very, very much.

And that way lay the end of a friendship that meant more to her - easily more to her - than life. That way was another triangle... hell, a square - that she would have no right to hope wouldn't hurt anyone.

So that was why Maya ended up standing by Riley's fire escape, wondering how she was going to get all of this up along with her.

Eventually, she decided she couldn't. And she had a nasty feeling if she went up and saw Riley, she wouldn't be back down for anything, anytime soon. So she called Riley.

"Peaches, where are you?" Riley sounded near tears. Oh, what was happening to her girl?

"I'm at the bottom of your ladder, with my hands full."

"Why won't you come up?"

"Hands. Full. And a ladder sort of requires hands. I do not want a repeat of the great Jell-O disaster of 2014, only with my paint this time."

"Oh." Riley's voice was suddenly a bit cheerier. "Jell-O would be good. Maybe there's in the fridge? Come up, Peaches, I'll get the Jell-O."

Maya stared at her phone. "No, Honey, I need… Riles? Riley!" Aaand Riley was gone. Had probably left her phone by the bay window. Sighing, Maya put her painting stuff down and began scaling the ladder with the coal prints.

Maybe there would at least be Jell-O?

There would notbe Jell-O. But by the time Maya had lugged her painting stuff up too, and sat down in the bay window she practically grew up in, Riley appeared with two small bowls and teaspoons she carried awkwardly in one hand, and a bottle of whipped cream in the other.

Okay, things were bad if they were eating whipped cream from the bottle.

"Riles…? What is it?"

Riley was dodging Maya's eyes. Not fearfully, like when she had accidentally entered them into that pie-eating contest. No, she was staring at the floor, and was she… was she crying?

Oh. No. Nonononono. Maya sat up straight. "Riles. Riles, talk to me. Is someone… is someone hurting you again?"

Riley sat the bowls down and winced. Maya's eyes gleamed savagely, red anger warring with fear for her best friend. "Someone is! Talk to me Riley! Who do I have to hurt?"

Riley looked up, and there were tears in her eyes, but she also looked surprised. "No… Peaches… Maya, no! There's no-one you can beat up. It's…" and now she sobbed. Maya felt her stomach sink all the way to the floor. What was….

"Riles, please! Let me help you! Let me…" Maya gave it up and just spread her arms wide, and thank God, Riley went right in for the hug. For long moments, they just sat there, arms entwined, Riley's head on Maya's shoulder, Riley's tears slowly staining her shirt.

After a small eternity, Riley lifted her head and sniffled. "I'm sorry, Peaches. I'll tell you. Just… Just let me get a hold of myself a little?"

Maya nodded, wordlessly. What had happened? If Riley wasn't being bullied again… An icy claw was beginning to stir her stomach – one that had lived there and moved a little ever since that day she was sure Riley was moving to London. Was that happening again? Not London, but someplace else? Some school that wanted to offer Cory Matthews a dean's position or something? But if Topanga wouldn't give up this for… for a partner's position, would Mr. Matthews really make that sacrifice meaningless by making them move, anyway?

"Peaches?" Riley was reaching for the bowls, and Maya thought there was something with her hand – but her eyes were too blurry with tears to be sure. This was… Riley putting her arms around her and her head on her shoulder was what fixed everything. Had done for years. What was she supposed to do when Riley was the one with the problem?

"Can you… if you tell me what you wanted to say? I'll be good by then." Riley fumbled for the whipped cream and Maya reluctantly moved a little. Riley instantly froze.

"I'm not leaving, Riles. But I just had something I wanted to show you. I have to let you go to bring it up."

"Oh. Are you sure?"

"Yes. And you have to let go to get whipped cream."

"But… I want both?"

"We only have two arms each, Riles. I'm not gonna reach out the window with my toes."

"But if we…"

"No. We can wait a while if you want, but no. Whatever you were going to say, we are not doing that."

Riley actually smiled a little, and the only reason Maya found the strength to let her go, was that she had been the one just making a fuss. Okay, show her the coal drawings. One of them was for her, anyway. She could show her the picture on her phone later. The mood for 'so, I saw this college girl naked and I'm totally into girls now' was… well, misplaced. At least until she learned just what was wrong with Riley.

Maya leant out the window and carefully picked out the sealed coal drawings from under her palette. Leaning back in, she more or less noticed Riley shaking her hand in pain, but for the moment she was distracted by the empty bowl in front of her – and the bowl filled well past overflowing in front of Riley.

The bottle was empty.

"Oh, rats. My spoon is underneath", Riley pouted.

Sighing, Maya picked up her own. "Here Riles. Not like I seem to have a use for it…"

Riley blinked, then looked at the tower of whipped cream. "Ooops. That was for the both of us, wasn't it… Peaches! Are… are those…"

Maya stopped. Riley had caught sight of her coal drawings… but there was a really weird look in her eyes. "Yeah…" The short blonde put the two drawings on the couch between them, suddenly self-conscious about her art in a way she never was. She had been so pleased with these two. "It's… we were doing hand studies last week, on the extra course. I zoomed in on a picture I had that showed your hand and… and I used my own hand for… for the other…"

Riley was staring at the drawings – both hyper-realistic, both heavily showcasing the small friendship rings Riley had bought for Maya's 14th birthday. Maya stopped, looking at her own drawings again, following Riley's gaze, wondering what was so wrong with it. She had intended to keep the drawing of Riley's hand, and give Riley the other – a little thing to have around when the other wasn't there. But Riley was staring at the one of her own hand.

"R-Riles? I… It was really… really the rings I wanted to… "Maya's voice had gotten very small. She was deathly afraid now, trying to understand what she had done, why Riley was – oh, God, Riley was crying again. She was…

Riley collapsed into tears, and it sounded like she was apologizing. Over and over again. And when Maya reached for her hand, to hold her, her best friend screamed and yanked her hand back. The small blonde sat there, dumbfounded and her heart breaking. Her fault. She had done this. She had no idea how, but she knew.

"Riles…? What… what did I do?" Maya felt tears running silently down her face, helpless to hold them back.

"No… Peaches, no, you…" Riley couldn't get the words out, and instead she held out her hand – her hand with the friendship ring. At first, Maya didn't get it. Riley's hand looked… wait, what was…

Her finger was swollen. Not much, but noticeable. And it was pale, almost white. The ring sat like a tight band, digging into the skin. Maya had pretty much stopped growing after her 14th – the ring sat a little tighter on her finger, but not much; she supposed she could still take it off easily, if she could ever be possessed to do such a thing. She turned it on her finger when she was nervous, or when she was thinking about Riley.

Riley's finger looked like the little stone would cut her open if she tried turning it. For a small moment, Maya wondered if someone had hurt Riley anyway – bent her finger back or broken it, making it swell – but it was all staring her in the face. Riley had simply grown. She was half a foot taller than Maya, and her fingers were longer, her hands were bigger.

They had been pretty much the same size when Riley got them the rings.

"Riley, your hand! Your finger!" Maya whispered, reaching for Riley's hand like it was spun glass and she would break it; feeling like she already had. Riley didn't pull back, this time. Her finger was cold.

"I'm… I'm so sorry, Maya." What was Riley apologizing for? "They… they are gonna have to cut it off."

"The… the ring or the finger?"

Maya's head was swimming so bad she didn't realize she had spoken her thoughts aloud before Riley answered.

"The ring!" Riley sounded like she thought this was the worst choice. And Maya's entire world felt like it was crumbling. She understood immediately what Riley was feeling – a month after Riley gave her the rings, Maya had been sure she had lost her friendship ring baking, of all idiotic things. She'd found it immediately, but for a few horrible minutes she had been sure she could never face Riley again. This was when she had started the whole 'ring power' business – nothing either of them ever asked could be refused if they invoked the ring. They hadn't talked about it; it was just there. Just right, like almost everything they did.

But just a few weeks ago, she and Zay and Farkle had been grossing each other out with pictures of idiotic injuries while waiting for Riley and Ranger Rick to stop making kissyfaces at each other. She'd seen what could happen to a finger if a ring was too tight like this. Words like 'degloving' were haunting her mind.

Nothing about that conversation was fun anymore. She'd hate for Riley to lose the ring, but Riley losing her finger?

Riley, mutilating herself over Maya's friendship?

No, that wasn't fun at all. Maya felt like throwing up.

Slowly, carefully, Maya raised Riley's hand a little and brough her own head down closer, her lips brushing the pale, cold digit with a ghost-like touch. That was probably a little past even the casual physical contact of their extremely physical friendship, but she didn't care,

"Can… But they can fix it, right?" Maya heard the scared, little girl she had tried so hard to never be after her father left in her voice. She was talking about Riley's hand, of course, but she shouldn't have been surprised at Riley's answer. Maya would have hacked off her hand before giving up her own ring, after all.

"Dad says they can make it whole again, expand it." Riley was desolate. "But I promised you! I was never taking it off. They were supposed to bury me with it. I'm… I'm so sorry, Peaches!"

And the last pieces fell into place for Maya as she carefully let go of Riley's hand and pulled her into a new hug, instead. Riley was down about the ring, yeah… but the reason she was crushed like this is the feeling that she's let Maya down. As if she ever could.

And a little piece of Maya's heart died, at that moment. For a few years, she had allowed herself to forget her most important lesson. To possibly even believe it was actually false.

Life had let her be for a while, set her up. She'd opened up and dared it to take Shawn from her, and it hadn't. It had dropped by and threatened to take Riley from her, send her to London… but it had only reminded her it was still there, and left.

Turned out, Riley had been wrong. Maya could easily hurt someone over this. It was just that the person she would be beating up over it was herself.

This was the moment Maya decided that she was bad for Riley. That the sunshine that could part her clouds wasn't a natural phenomenon, but something she was taking from another. That maybe she was breaking what was good instead of letting it fix her bad.

It was there, plain as day, to see on Riley's finger. Maya's friendship had done that to her.

Life couldn't have made its message clearer.

Hope was for suckers.

Maya never wavered from the hug, not even when the Matthews looked in. In the end, Maya got Riley through it, like always. She never blamed Riley for anything and would have turned on any who suggested it. But inside, she'd let the clouds in.

Clouds that had waited patiently to make themselves at home and never leave.

They say, "Everything's alright."
They say, "Better days are near."
They tell us, "These are the good times."
But they don't live around here
Billy and Christie don't
And Bruce and Patti don't
They don't live around here

The Indifference of Heaven - Warren Zevon