Just as she had gotten up from the sofa, John appeared in the doorway. He was already dressed and balanced a breakfast tray with his left hand while leaning on his cane with the other. He smiled at her: "Did you sleep well?"
She nodded and stood up: "I'll take it from you." He shook his head and went to the table: "I thought we could have breakfast in peace before we went back into the hustle and bustle in the main house." Anna knew that he only needed the cane this morning because he had sat on the floor the night before and spent the night on the sofa. Normally, his cane always hung on the coat rack at home. Today he had to be in such pain that he had to use the cane in the house as well. She had a guilty conscience and tears came to her eyes. John quickly put the tray down on the table: "My God, what have I said. My darling, what have I said? We don't have to have breakfast here." She shook her head: "That's not it. But I see that you have to walk with the cane. And when you walk with a cane in the house, I know that you must be in a lot of pain, and you only have it because of me." Slowly, John walked up to her and took her hand: "Anna. I would accept any pain for you. Every day. The main thing is that you're doing well." She sobbed more and more and John carefully pulled her into his arms.
After she had calmed down again, they sat down at the table. While Anna distributed the plates of porridge, John poured them tea.
For a while they sat opposite each other in silence, eating and drinking their tea, until finally John spoke: "If you... prefer to continue living in the main house... because you can't stand it here with me... I'm not going to force you to stay here. I know I said some unpleasant things in the hallway yesterday, and I hope you can forgive me for that someday. If it's too close to me for you here, then..." Anna had reached for his hand, which lay next to the teacup: "There is nothing I have to forgive you, John. I don't want to move back into my room. I want to stay here. Here with you. I want it to work again."
John smiled happily at his wife and held her hand.
After breakfast, Anna wanted to clear the table, but her husband shook his head: "Get ready in peace, I'll clean up."
Anna nodded and went into the hallway, her bag still in the same place as the night before. She reached for it and looked up the stairs to the upper floor. She took a deep breath and went upstairs. John had watched her anxiously from the room.
Once upstairs, the door to the shared bedroom opened and looked at their marriage bed. A slight shiver came over her. She quickly walked to the dresser and began to put away her laundry, then hung the rest of her clothes in the closet and stowed the bag at the bottom of the closet.
John was already dressed in the small hallway when Anna descended the stairs dressed and freshly coiffed. He smiled at her: "Are you okay?" Anna nodded. John already had her coat in his hand and helped her put it on.
As they made their way to the abbey together, John grabbed her hand as usual, but quickly pulled it back: "Is it okay?" Without a word, Anna took his hand. It was a start.
John enjoyed the day. Anna no longer avoided him all the time, they could talk to each other again and yet Anna was still very introverted.
The closer the evening came, the more insecure Anna became. Her thoughts were circling and it was hard for her to concentrate on her tasks. She was happy to be back in the cottage. To have John with her, but when she thought of their shared bedroom, a lump formed in her stomach. Would she manage to lie next to him in bed? Could she stand it? What would he expect?
She knew that John would never allow her to lie down on the sofa, but she didn't want her husband to sleep downstairs from the sofa either. That would only make the pain in his leg worse and she knew it was especially bad today. She recognized it by the look on his face, even if he would never admit it. And actually, she didn't want to be alone either. She wanted to be with him, to have him close to her. Fall asleep with its smell and wake up again.
It would work somehow. She just had to pull herself together.
The pain in his leg forced him to work much slower than he usually did that day. He thought carefully about every ml whether he really had to go down or up the stairs. But when he thought about why he was in this pain, it made the whole thing much more bearable. Anna. His Anna. She was with him again.
What didn't let him go was the fact that he hadn't noticed what had happened to his wife for weeks. How much she had suffered. How great her fear must have been to reveal herself to him.
He had promised her not to take revenge. She was right, the danger that he would be imprisoned and ultimately hanged was too great. He wanted to spare her this suffering. She had suffered enough in recent years. First because of Vera, then his time in prison and now the assault. He wanted her to be happy and feel safe. He wanted her never to be afraid again.
He was looking forward to going home with her in the evening. No longer lying alone in her bed. That it was the last thing he saw when he fell asleep and the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes in the morning. Her grumpy expression when she had to get up early and the individual strands that came off her braid at night and fell into her face. He had missed her so much.