Chapter 36.9: The Stupidest Prank Ever (or The Creation of an Unholy Abomination in Music)

Percy looked around at his audience, watching their eager, half-dismayed, and totally-enthralled expressions.

"So," he started, leaning back and casually spinning his empty Coke bottle between his fingers, "after I found out that Apollo hates banjos—like, Capital-H HATES them—I simply had to try something."

Annabeth groaned, already pinching the bridge of her nose. "Percy. No."

Percy ignored her.

"I know it was stupid. Absolutely, ridiculously stupid. But I had to do it."

Travis was already grinning. "Oh, this is gonna be good."

Percy smirked. "Oh, it was. So, what did I do? Well, I bought a ukulele—because Apollo actually likes those."

The Apollo kids nodded in agreement. "Yeah, he plays them all the time," Austin said.

"Exactly," Percy continued. "So, I took the ukulele, carefully removed all the strings, and then… I replaced them with banjo strings."

Then Will Solace's face twisted in pure horror. "You didn't."

Percy grinned wider. "I did."

"THAT'S AN ABOMINATION," Will shrieked.

Percy nodded solemnly. "Exactly. That's why I called it... The Banjolele."

There was a beat of absolute silence.

Then, as if on cue, all of the Apollo kids screamed.

You absolute madman," Kayla whispered in terror.

"You made that?" Nyssa asked, horrified.

"Yes. And then I gift-wrapped it."

Annabeth made a strangled noise. "Percy."

"Oh, it gets better," he said, eyes twinkling mischievously. "I forged a note—partially in my handwriting, partially in Hermes's—to make it look like a combined prank between us. Either way, I figured Apollo would blame Hermes anyway."

Connor gasped. "Genius."

"I know, right?" Percy said smugly.

"So," Travis asked, leaning forward eagerly, "where did you put it?"

Percy grinned. "Oh, I left it in a deserted area—just in case—then flew up high in the Sun Chariot, told Apollo where to find his 'special present,' and waited for the fireworks."

"And?"

Percy inhaled deeply, savoring the moment.

"At first, he seemed… intrigued."

Austin visibly recoiled. "Oh gods, Dad probably thought it was a real ukulele at first."

"Exactly," Percy said. "I watched him open the box, and I swear, he actually smiled when he saw it."

Everyone collectively winced.

"And then," Percy continued, "he strummed it."

A heavy pause.

Will shuddered.

"And lost his absolute Divine mind."

The entire group erupted into questions.

"What happened?" "Did he scream?" "Did he smite it?"

Percy raised a hand. "First, his face went through, like, five different emotions—starting with horror, then rage, then disbelief, and finally, it settled on pure, unfiltered disgust."

Kayla put her face in her hands. "Oh no."

"Oh yes," Percy said, eyes gleaming.

"And then," he continued, "he didn't smash it. He didn't incinerate it. He didn't curse it."

Everyone blinked.

Annabeth frowned. "Then what did he do?"

Percy smirked. "He just… yeeted it straight into Tartarus."

There was a stunned silence.

Then—

"HE DID WHAT?!"

"I'm not kidding!" Percy said, laughing. "He didn't even think to, you know, just take the banjo strings off so it was a regular ukulele again. Nope. Just—'THIS THING MUST DIE IN THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF HELL'—AND YEET."

Travis fell off his log, clutching his stomach in laughter. Connor was howling. The Apollo kids were still processing the fact that their dad had unceremoniously thrown a ukulele into Tartarus.

Percy wiped a tear from his eye. "I could literally hear him screaming in Ancient Greek from the stratosphere, ranting about 'UNHOLY MUSICAL ABOMINATIONS' and how it must 'burn in the deepest pits of the Underworld!'"

Austin groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Dad's going to have a breakdown the next time someone even mentions a ukulele, isn't he?"

"Oh," Percy said, grinning. "Absolutely."

Then he leaned back and smirked at the Apollo cabin.