Hypocrisy 2.1

I woke with a start, soaked to the bone in sweat staring at my bedroom ceiling. For several long minutes I watched the ceiling, willing the vestiges of my nightmare away. Only when my pulse slowed and my breathing calmed, did I try to sit up. My pajamas slowly peeled off my sweat-soaked skin like a bandaid.. I groaned in disgust and ran both hands over my face.. A glance at the clock at my nightstand elicited another frustrated growl.

2:30 AM.

This was the third time I'd woken up that night. Sleep hadn't come easy for the last week since Leviathan had run rampant over Brockton, but tonight was particularly bad. I'd like to say I had no idea why, but that would be a lie. Tomorrow, Sunday, dad and I were set to tour the Rig, the Protectorate HQ. If everything went well, that would be my first step onto the path of being a genuine hero.

Anxiety on top of my usual issues made for a painful and potent combination that clearly had no intention of letting me sleep. Besides, even if I was willing to try for a fourth time, I was so sticky with sweat that the idea of trying to lay under my covers again was distinctly unappealing. Clearing my head was the best option for now.

I swung my legs off the side of my bed and snuck out of my room as quietly as I could. The creaking of the door hinges and the groan of the floor beneath my feet made me wince. Dad's bedroom, further up the hall, had a sliver of light peering out from under it. Nowadays that didn't mean he was awake. Ever since Leviathan, he preferred keeping the house as well lit as possible. I didn't deny him that comfort or blame him for it.

Knowing he had his own trouble with sleep, I took extra care in my steps as I headed downstairs. Just a quick trip to the kitchen and a warm cup of tea to settle my nerves was all I needed to settle myself for the night.

But, the kitchen wasn't empty when I turned inside.

Supergirl stood leaning her back against the kitchen counter, staring blankly into space with a steaming cup of tea in her hands and dressed in fluffy white pajamas. A gift from Glory Girl, I had been told; or rather, her unfairly handsome boyfriend. She seemed to snap back to reality, and those inhuman blue eyes of her flicked towards me. I just stood there, awkward and dumb at the kitchen entrance.

"Oh, sorry Taylor," she whispered, her lips turning up into a warm smile, "I didn't notice you there. Everything okay?"

"I… um, trouble sleeping, I was getting some… water." I lied. Why did I lie to her about that? Not like she would judge me for wanting the same thing as her, I had already decided I was going to get tea, I didn't need to change my mind just to seem different.

Supergirl nodded, her face the picture of sympathy, "Of course. You have a big day tomorrow. Would you rather some tea instead? It always helps me settle my nerves."

I tried to shrug as cool and nonchalant as I could, "Uh sure, why not."

She set her cup down on the counter with a soft clink of ceramic and rummaged through our cupboards until she found a mug for me and then deposited a tea bag and filled it with water. Then she held out the cup to me.

"No kettle?"

Supergirl blinked then laughed, "Oh of course, sorry one moment."

She stared at the mug, and two faint beams of red shot from her eye to the ceramic, coaxing the water inside to a gentle boil. After blowing on it, she handed it to me with a smile and said, "Perks of heat vision is I don't need kettles for my tea. Took me a year to learn how to control it well enough to do that though. A lot of innocent mugs suffered under my training."

I took it and savored the warm porcelain in my hands before taking a tentative sip. The light aroma eased my trepidation and the warmth soothed the shaking unease in my hands. A sigh of relief slipped out my lips.

"Thank you."

Supergirl smiled and said nothing. She just grabbed her cup off the counter and leaned against it again. We stood together in silence, savoring our shared tea for several minutes. It was… nice. Strange, but nice.

After a time though, I started to feel uneasy again. This kind of silence always made me antsy. Like I felt there was a need for someone to say something when two people were together. Silence was just a calm before something inevitably went wrong in some way, shape, or form. I didn't need to be the one talking of course, but if people were talking it meant there was less chance of things happening to me.

What things didn't matter, the simple threat was enough to put me on edge again. Enough that it forced me to talk anyway.

I stared at my cup as I forced myself to speak up, "So… long night out in the Atlantic?"

She had been working on some kind of project out in the ocean with Dragon. What she was working on, I had no idea. She was very hush hush about it. The only sign we had of her trips out there was that she always came home smelling vaguely of seawater.

Supergirl looked up in surprise at my voice, "Hm? Oh, no actually. We've made great progress, and Brockton Bay has been very quiet. Truthfully, I couldn't sleep. Nightmares."

I looked at her and my surprise must have been obvious. Her eyes returned to her cup and she took another sip, "I might be bulletproof, but I've seen… a lot of terrible things doing what I do. Doesn't matter how indestructible our bodies are, our minds are terribly fragile things."

That rang all too true to me. Images of my nightmare rose to the surface unbidden. Flashes of an ocean that devoured the light as I was dragged deeper and deeper into its abyss. Of air pushed from my lungs, trapped and constricted tighter and tighter until even the very act of trying to breathe hurt. My heart hammered in my ears faster and faster as I panicked in vain to free myself. Light vanished and died, leaving me alone in a void beyond comprehension.

Alone until four lopsided eyes peered out of the dark, rising from the depths towards me faster and faster. And then gone over as quickly as it started and I was back in my kitchen, shaking.

Supergirl stood closer to me, her hand on my shoulder gentle but firm. I looked away from her, staring into my half empty cup.

"Do they get any easier?"

She squeezed my shoulder, "They do. They never go away, but… neither do the good ones either. I always try to remember that. Some days it's easier than others."

There was some comfort in that, I supposed. I wasn't sure if I would've preferred that she had lied to me, but her honesty was appreciated. Even if the truth was painful, I felt a little better prepared for the nightmare. Not that I was in any rush to go back to sleep, of course.

Another sip of tea and a sigh, "I think I'm just… nervous. About tomorrow that is."

"You'll do fine." Supergirl said without a moment's hesitation. "The Protectorate will be more than happy to have you."

I shook my head, "That's… not it. I know I messed up when I first got my power, but I know it'll be useful enough that they'll take me. I guess I'm… god this is stupid, but I'm just scared of meeting the Wards I guess? Like, I've spent the last two years dealing with normal high school drama and bullshit. Now I'm going to have to deal with super powered high school drama and bullshit. I just… I don't think I'm ready for that."

Supergirl stared at me for a long moment, then blinked once and started laughing. Not a mocking laugh but one that sounded… relieved?

She slumped against the counter and let out a sigh, "Ah, sorry for laughing Taylor, it's just… after these last few days, I had forgotten how it felt to have a normal problem."

I took renewed interest in my mug, "Yeah it's pretty stupid isn't it?"

Here was an alien god for all intents and purposes, someone that could kill an Endbringer one on one. And I was complaining that my future teammates might be mean to me or gossip. I felt so childish.

Supergirl stood up and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I stiffened for a moment, not expecting the contact. Then I relaxed into her embrace. She was strangely warm, like a living furnace. In the chilly January weather, that was a relief. Plus, I couldn't remember the last time I had been hugged by someone besides my dad. And even that was rare these days.

"When I was your age, Taylor, I grew up in an orphanage. I had just arrived on Earth and didn't have any friends. In fact, I had gone through a lot of… awful things at that point. Yet, even back then I was fighting to save the world and you know what was always on my mind? The same thing you're dealing with. Would the others like me, had I done something to make them hate me, so on and so forth."

She let me go and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "Because it's easy to fight your way out of a situation. Blowing up a death ray, fist fighting a robot? That's simple, it's straightforward. But people? People are these wonderfully complicated and complex things and the relationships we forge are the most beautiful and terrible things in the world. A giant monster that broke out of its creators lab is scary, but being rejected by someone you thought was a friend? That's terrifying."

I tried really hard not to think about Emma. Threw everything up to keep the image of her face out of my mind. It didn't work, because how could it? How could I ever let go of that betrayal? A lifetime of friendship turned into two years of hell. And to this day, I still had no idea what I had done to deserve it, what had made her hate me so much.

It took a mountain of will to keep the tears out of my eyes. Then, Supergirl put her hands on my shoulders and said, "But, no matter what Taylor. Even if the Wards hate you for some ridiculous reason. You will always have a friend in me. I promise."

Goddamn it.

The tears came unbidden. A dam had burst and nothing was going to stop the river of tears and snot that ran down my face. I let out a choked sob and hugged Supergirl, hugged Kara while burying my face in her shoulder. She returned it without a word and held me there for a long, long time.

-S-

Our morning came in a blur. Breakfast flew by so fast that I didn't realize what happened until we were on the boat pulling up to the Rig. I fidgeted in the full body suit I wore, a 'gift' from the Protectorate to conceal my identity until I fully signed on with the Wards. A gray featureless outfit that did little to protect against the biting chill of the ocean breeze. A chill that didn't bother me as much as I thought, and it wasn't because I was used to it. More perks to my powers, perhaps?

Dad sat next to me and wore a similar featureless mask as me and a thick jacket that almost doubled the size of his torso and the PRT troopers escorting us looked miserable. But me? I just felt like we were taking a trip out onto the ocean on a pleasant summer day.

The rumbling outboard motor of our little patrol boat sputtered to a stop and we drifted up to the dock under the Rig. The superstructure stretched high over us, this towering thing of iron and steel and who knew what else. I could see workers marching along the walkways around its legs, tiny little red ants clambering around the body of this gigantic monstrosity that made the bay its home. It was almost humbling in a way.

At the dock, a pair of troopers helped secure our boat, and helped us disembark. We were greeted by the familiar bandana clad face of Miss Militia. Panacea's powers really were on a different level. I never would've believed that this was the same cape I saw pasted on the pavement by Leviathan just a week ago. She shook both our hands, and smiled under the bandana.

"It's a pleasure to see you both again. How are you?" she asked.

Dad shrugged, "Still adjusting to all of… this," he gestured to the Rig and troopers.

She chuckled, "It's a lot to take in, trust me you're not the first people to feel overwhelmed. Now, before we get started, are any of you hungry, need a break or…"

"We were a bit rushed this morning, but…" Dad looked at me.

"I'm okay." I lied. My stomach growled in protest; half a bagel was not enough for a real breakfast. But if I tried to eat anything at that moment I would have just thrown it back up. My entire body tingled with anxiety and the tips of my fingers felt numb. So I played it cool, to put on a good first impression. Emptying my guts in the Protectorate bathroom would have been the opposite of that.

"Well we can always stop at the Mess Hall later if either of you feel up for it." she put her hands together, "Otherwise, we can get started now, if you are both ready."

Again dad looked at me and I nodded. No point in putting this off with pleasantries. The sooner this was over with, the sooner I could move on to the next part of my life.

Happy with our choice, Miss Militia led us into the Rig. I kept Kara's words in mind as we walked, clinging to them like a raft in a storm. Whatever else happened here, I could at least depend on her.

I could, right?

That little voice in the back of my head never quite shut up through the entire tour. It was a nice tour, Miss Militia clearly had a lot of experience with this kind of thing. But while it was a bit cynical of me to think that it was all pre-practiced to show off the best side of the Protectorate, that didn't necessarily mean I was wrong either. No one would show off their worst aspects when making a first impression.

Not intentionally anyway.

But it was hard not to look at how nice the Rig was, with its modern aesthetic, advanced tech and diligently maintained facade and wish the same effort had been put into my home before Kara had shown up. It was hard not to be a bit bitter over the entire thing; I had spent a good chunk of my life watching a literal graveyard grow in the bay and no one had cared. Except for my dad, of course.

Though, as the tour went on, I realized I wasn't being fair. Miss Militia had almost died trying to protect my dad and I. John Henry had gone against Leviathan with nothing but a normal firearm to buy us time to escape. Despite my worries, these weren't bad people, and this wasn't Winslow. I had to stop acting like it was.

Easier said than done, but I tried.

It didn't help that we didn't ever meet any other members of the Protectorate. Miss Militia explained that with the city still recovering from Leviathan's attack, most of the roster was out on patrol or on leave with their families. I couldn't fault them for that, they were heroes after all. Still, it would've been nice to put some faces to the names I had grown up with.

Instead it was just endless white hallways, faceless security guards and enough talk of bureaucracy to make my head spin. Who knew that being a cape could be so complicated?

I just wanted to meet the actual Ward's at this point. Meet the people I was going to work with and know what kind of hell I was going to be saddled with. That was the cynic in me talking. These weren't the thugs and wannabe gangbangers that made up half of Winslow's population. They protected people against that kind of stuff, they couldn't be that bad.

So why was I so nervous about it?

I tried to keep my mind off it, and tried to focus on Miss Militia's words. On her talk about the duty and honor expected of Protectorate members, the honor of joining them, etc. But all I could think, any time there was a lul in her words was 'what if this is all a lie?'.

A touch on my shoulder made me flinch. I turned to dad to see him looking concerned. "You okay?" he asked in a soft whisper.

"Fine." I lied. "Just feeling overwhelmed."

"It's a lot to take in, isn't it? But you're doing great so far, kiddo."

I put on a pained smile under my mask. At least no one else could tell I was on the verge of losing it. That was a good thing, I thought.

Despite dad's encouragement, my anxiety did not abide. It festered inside me like an open wound, eating at any sense of calm and focus I might have had until I was at my wits end by the time we came to the moment I had been dreading.

"-and this is where the Wards meet and relax between missions." Miss Militia led us to a plain looking white door no different than the rest of the Rig. It was almost a letdown; you'd think the entrance to the hangout of the premiere team of super teens would have a bit more… gravitas to it.

"You'll spend most of your down time here." she explained. "Contrary to popular belief, cape work is 90% waiting and standing by in case we're needed. It takes some time to gain the instinct for that kind of mentality, and as a Ward you'll see even less action than most members of the Protectorate. So expect to spend a lot of time here."

That didn't help.

Miss Militia pressed her thumb to a scanner by the door. There was a dull buzzer sound from the other side and I could hear people moving and whispering. I made an effort to not focus my senses on the voices. My enhanced hearing was useful, but it was easy for me to lose track of it. Supergirl had encouraged me to learn how to keep it limited first, to learn restraint, before pushing my limits. That was also how she had taught me to stop putting holes in the wall at home. Plus, if I was honest, I could barely focus on my own train of thought let alone the potential gossip in the next room over.

After a moment another buzzer sounded, the door opened, and Miss Militia ushered us inside.

The Ward's hangout was… weird. The room itself was clearly a repurposed barracks of some kind, similar to a few I had seen for PRT Troopers during the tour. There was an entrance to a large bathroom on the right side of the room and a small built-in kitchen on the left. The center was dominated by a pair of television screens and a large couch. There were also several scattered tables through the room with half finished board games on them and bits of ruined costume. In a word it was… mundane.

If it weren't for the five colorful capes standing or lounging in the center of the room, I never would've guessed that this was their 'base'. But there they were, the Wards of Brockton Bay.

Aegis, their team captain, stood at attention, tall and very well toned in that tight red outfit of his. It left, um, little to the imagination. Then there was Gallant, a metaphorical knight in literal shining power armor who waved at me. Clockblocker was lounging on the couch in his costume, flicking through tv channels; even with his face obscured I could tell he was bored. Kid Win, dressed in gold and red armor, sat at one of the tables working on some kind of tinkertech gun. He smiled at me, and twirled the gun on his finger, only for it to slip out of his grip and clatter loudly on the floor. While he scrambled for it, their fifth member covered her face and sighed.

Vista in her green and white dress pushed past the boys and walked right up to me and held out her hand, "Hi, I'm Vista. The idiot trying to look cool at the table is Kid Win, and I assume you know the others?"

Her frankness caught me a little off guard. I had expected something more organized, more grand, more… more. Instead I felt like I had walked into an after school club. Behind her, Gallant tried to subtly thwack Clockblocker upside his head so he'd get off the couch. He responded by back smacking Gallant's hand, freezing the cape in place. Miss Militia scolded him, Vista groaned, and Aegis shook his head while Clockblocker raised his hands defensively. It was at that moment that it hit me then and there that despite the powers and despite the costumes, these were just kids.

Just like me.

I took her hand and shook it. "Hi, I'm… I don't have a cape name yet. Still working on it."

"Figure one out sooner than later." Clockblocker crowed from the couch. "If you don't, the PR guys will do it themselves. They might do it anyway even if you have one so be prepared to fight for it. Like I did!"

"Wait, you chose to be called Clockblocker? Wow." I replied dryly, before even realizing what I was saying. I bit my lip while the cape sat up from the couch and regarded me coolly.

He pointed at me and said, "You. I like you, new girl."

Vista grabbed me by the arm and led me deeper inside the room, "Don't take that as a good sign. If Clock likes you, you wind up like Gallant."

I looked at the poor cape, still frozen in time. Miss Militia walked around Gallant and folded her arms while staring at Clock with a look of seething disappointment. While she silently berated the Ward, the remaining two Wards approached me. Vista let them talk to me while my dad talked to her.

Aegis shook my hand and blinked, "Huh, specs weren't kidding. That is… one heck of a grip."

I released his hand like it was red hot, "S-sorry! I'm still getting used to that."

He laughed, "It's all good. Every Brute takes some time getting used to their strength. How many walls did you punch holes in on those first few days?"

"Enough to be concerned about!" Dad interjected without missing a beat.

"Hey!" My face burned, and I was thankful for the mask.

Aegis just laughed, "It happens, no big deal. Anyway, like Vista said, I'm Aegis and this is Kid Win."

The tinker waved, "Hey, nice to meet you. Sorry if this is a bit insensitive to bring up, but… is it true what people say? That you… fought Leviathan the day you triggered?"

"Win…" Aegis warned, his tone serious.

I stopped him before he scolded the curious kid."It's… fine. Yeah, I had a run in with Leviathan. I only survived because of Supergirl."

As soon as I mentioned my savior, Vista vanished from her conversation with my dad and appeared in front of me I stepped back in surprise as she beamed up at me, "You met her too!? Oh she is soo cool isn't she! I've been helping her with cleaning up the bay, have you met her anytime since, has she mentioned me at all?"

Now that made me smile.

"Oh yeah she's talked about you. Says you're the biggest help with cleanup. Your powers cut her workload in half." A slight exaggeration, but Kara had nothing but compliments for all the Wards when she talked about working with them.

Vista squealed with delight, before she seemed to remember where she was. She coughed, smoothed out her dress and tried to look reserved even as her face burned, "I-I mean cool. Great. Glad to know I'm helpful."

"It's okay, V." Clockblocker snickered, "We all know you're a fangirl, you don't need to hide it."

She responded to his snark with one expertly raised finger. Clockblocker cackled in his seat while Aegis sighed and covered his face. Despite myself, I smiled. This was going a lot better than I thought it was.

The Wards were much more welcoming than I expected. No judging, no veiled threats. They talked to me like… well like I assume normal teenagers talked to each other. I wouldn't know, not after the last two years. Slowly, as we talked and bantered, I felt myself unclenching. The anxiety never went away, but-

"Aegis," Miss Militia asked the Ward captain, "where's Shadow Stalker? This was supposed to be an all hands on deck meeting."

"I was taking a piss." a voice that was all too familiar grumbled. The cape in question trudged out of the bathroom, radiating annoyance. Shadow Stalker's dark cloak rippled around her as she walked, making her seem to almost glide across the room. The dark bodysuit and armor she wore underneath helped with the illusion. Though, despite the mask of dark steel she wore, I could see her dark brown eyes underneath it. I recognized them, just like I recognized her voice.

All feelings or relief I had developed over the last few minutes evaporated in an instant.

Shadow Stalker stopped by the couch, hand on her hip and looking me up and down with a critical eye. I stood ramrod straight, staring at her but unable to move. My heart hammered in my chest, my hands clenched and unclenched. This couldn't be real, I was imagining things. She couldn't possibly be…

"You took on Leviathan? You? Shit, could've fooled me. Serious steel in that skinny ass body of yours, huh? Nice job."

There was no denying it now. I knew that voice, knew the tone, knew the way she managed to fit disgust into every other word. For two years, three girls had made it their mission to torment me at Winslow, to destroy any aspect of a social life I had. Emma had been their ring leader, Madison their little hanger on, and Sophia Hess had been their enforcer. But if Emma was the one that tore into me emotionally, made me hate who I was, it was Sophia that tried to physically break me.

There wasn't a hint of doubt in my mind that Sophia was Shadow Stalker. A superhero, a cape working for the Protectorate, and a bully that had made it her life's goal to ruin my life in every conceivable way. Just like that, everything slid into place.

Sophia was the reason Emma and the others got away with everything. Whatever she did, whatever misery she inflicted on me, she always got away with it because she was a cape. They were protecting her. She was on their side after all, one of their teammates. So of course they would cover for her, of course they'd let her get away with a little bullying. After all, why pull her off the field? All she was doing was picking on some loser girl, nobody important.

There weren't enough words in the English language that could describe how sickened, frustrated and furious I felt at that moment. They laughed and joked with me, while poking fun at Sophia's prickliness. Because it didn't matter to them. It was just a joke.

I didn't break though. Even though I could have lashed out, gone right after Sophia for… everything, I didn't. The other Wards, Miss Militia, would jump to her aid. Besides if a fight did break out, dad would have been caught in the crossfire.

So I kept my mouth shut, and knuckled down. There wasn't any point in throwing out accusations. Why would they believe my word over their teammates after all? The teammate they had been covering for for years now. I didn't need to face what I already knew was true.

At some point as everyone talked, my silence must have been obvious. Vista approached me and asked, "Are you feeling okay?"

I yawned, and lied "I didn't sleep well last night. Just tired." When I spoke, I made sure to keep my voice low. I could recognize Sophia's voice but if she recognized me…

Vista looked at me sympathetically, "I know how that feels. We got instant coffee if that would help?"

"No thank you." I shook my head while my insides twisted into knots. No more idle conversations please, I just wanted this to be over with so we could go home.

Sophia didn't seem too interested in me thank god which meant she hadn't recognized me or my dad. I just had to survive, just had to endure the next few minutes. The time passed in agony. Words were exchanged, jokes shared, and I barely registered any of it. All I could focus on was not drawing her attention.

As time passed, everyone continued as if nothing was wrong. As if the person that had tormented me for years wasn't in the same room with me. It was frustrating, infuriating even. It took all of my will to maintain control. This was not the time or place for a fight or to start throwing accusations. Trying to appeal to the Protectorate, to get them to care about Sophia and what she'd done would be pointless.

The last few years had shown me that for people in charge, if it was easier to sweep a problem under the rug, they would. It didn't matter that I had books of proof recording what the Trio had done to me. It didn't matter that I had powers of my own. The best case scenario I could see was that they'd 'take my worries into consideration' and ask me to 'place nice' in the meantime.

I was done playing nice.

Sure I managed a calm facade until our visit came to an end. But as I said goodbye to the Wards, I could feel anger roiling inside me. I wanted to be as far from this place as possible right now. For a moment I stopped to look back into the room. Gallant had unfrozen, finally, and was reading Clockblocker the riot act. Kid Win showed off his new tech to an enthralled Vista. Sophia? She'd lost interest a while ago and was raiding the kitchen for food.

Only Aegis bothered to see us off. He gave a casual salute and said, "Looking forward to working with you. Have a safe trip home."

I didn't trust myself to speak, so I just nodded. Better to end things amicably than start spewing out accusations on instinct. Then I followed dad and Miss Militia out, my mind moving at a million miles a minute.

-S-

Our drive home was filled with an uncomfortable tenseness. Dad hadn't picked up on my immediate reaction to Sophia, but he could tell something was bothering me. He'd had the good sense not to say anything around the Protectorate, and for a few blissful minutes I thought he'd remain silent the entire drive home.

My luck, what little of it was left, was not so fortunate. He spoke up in a slow, cautious tone of voice. Like I was an animal to be coaxed out of its hiding place. "So… I think that went pretty well. They seemed nice."

If you ignored that they were covering for the girls responsible for making my life a living hell for the last two years, yeah they were pretty nice. I didn't say that out loud though. Instead, I hunched into my seat and stared out the truck window watching the city slowly pass us by, oblivious and uncaring. A thick marine layer had drifted in, casting a colorless filter over it all.

Dad kept talking, "Miss Militia said that, if you were up for it, they could start you on training and costume work by the end of this week. Figured we'd work all that out later."

"I don't want to join the Wards." I interrupted. That was something I had decided on with absolute certainty. I just needed to make dad understand without explaining why.

The driver's seat creaked, and I could feel the confusion in dad's voice."What? Taylor, why?" I imagined the baffled expression on his face, glasses slid down his nose, large eyes spread wide.

I folded my arms and tried to push myself deeper into my seat. Dad didn't need to know this, he didn't need to know that the heroes were the reason I was put in the hospital last week. That they'd let one of their own torment me for years. He had dealt with so much and if he found out he'd go on the warpath against the Protectorate, and lose. Or worse, he wouldn't even try and would just roll over for them. I tried hard not to look out the window at the Docks, or rather what was left of them. The monument to his lifetime of struggling. If he couldn't make headway against the city for the people he was hired to help, what chance would he have against the Government Superteam?

No, dad didn't need to know this, didn't need to suffer anymore for my sake. So I needed to convince him, for his own good, that I wasn't interested and that he shouldn't press the issue. Even if I had to hurt him to do that.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, I said,"I just… It's all too much." Which was technically true, from a certain point of view.

"Taylor, we can push things back, I'm sure they'd be willing to-"

I shook my head, "No dad, I just… I can't. This isn't the life I want. I can't…"

After a moment of wracking my brain for a genuine excuse, one I knew he'd accept without warning, I stumbled on a buried nugget of fear. One I had been suppressing since I had watched Leviathan devour him alive.

I turned around to look at dad. His face was etched with confusion, and a hint of frustration. But most prominent, was concern. He did care, he did want to help. It was a far cry from before the Locker. All the more reason to protect him.

"I can't live this life knowing it could put you at risk. I almost lost you already, and if I do this… I can't lose you two, I won't!"

Dad rocked back in his heat, as if I had physically struck him. He hit the flashers on, and pulled over onto the side of the road. Then he turned toward me and said, "Taylor, what happened… that wasn't your fault. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and the Protectorate, they have contingencies for protecting loved ones, for keeping your identity safe."

"But it's still a risk!" I yelled, "You could still get caught up in… all of this. You or someone else I care about and I'm not strong enough. I wasn't strong enough to lose mom, I wouldn't survive if I lost you."

I felt terrible using mom like that. My insides churned, and my throat tightened. There were tears in my eyes, but they weren't from worry. Shame burned my eyes, at defiling her memory like that. What I said wasn't wrong, they were things I had considered. I had also considered dad's own points too. Going in that day, I had thought the Protectorate really would be able to keep him safe. But now I wasn't so sure.

That didn't make what I said feel any better.

I saw dad's eyes shine with unshed tears. A deep pain crossed his face, his jaw tightened and he clenched his eyes tight. When he opened them, a few tears spilled down his cheeks and he reached across the seat to pull me into a hug.

"If you don't want to do this, Taylor. I won't make you. It's your choice." he whispered.

No relief came to me, I felt only shame and anger. Shame for what I had done to convince him, and anger that Sophia had pushed me to do it. I returned dad's hug.

After a moment, we broke apart and I forced a relieved smile, "Thank you. For understanding."

He nodded, "I'll call the Protectorate about it when we get home. Do you want me to talk to Supergirl too?"

I shook my head furiously, "No! No, I can… Please don't tell her. I should tell her when she gets home."

"Alright." Dad turned back in his seat, paused, then turned back to me and squeezed my shoulder, "I love you Taylor, you know that right?"

I patted his hand and forced another smile, "I love you too dad."

-S-

I spent the rest of the day consigned to my room. Dad made the call, he was my legal guardian after all. But while he did that, I did research. Wiki's, message boards, news articles. Anything I could find on Shadow Stalker. It wasn't productive research.

Ward info in general outside of the official Protectorate statements were limited. Made sense, the Wards were underage and exposing their abilities or patrol patterns would make them easy pickings for supervillains. What few rumors I did piece together took on new meaning with the added context of knowing her identity. Shadow Stalker was vicious and brutal, and rumor had it she'd even been lethal before joining the Wards.

However those were just rumors and I wouldn't be surprised if the Protectorate was covering them up. No, if I wanted to bring Sophia down and make them realize what a mistake they had made, I needed to stack the deck in my favor. Every advantage, every dirty secret. But first, I would need to find Sophia while she was on patrol. Which, with the Protectorates general blackout on all things Ward related, was easier said than done.

Brockton Bay was a city of some 300,000 people. Finding Shadow Stalker on patrol could take days or weeks. I was willing to endure the Trio for a little while longer, but not without any progress on my end. However, I wasn't without options.

I rolled back from my desk, and hopped onto my bed cross legged. After closing my eyes, I slowed my breathing… and focused. It wasn't hard to summon the mental sound of Sophia's voice. The sneer in her voice, the false sympathy and the cutting laughter. I had learned to recognize her voice immediately, if only so I could avoid her in the halls easier. Now, with my new powers, it would be her undoing.

It wasn't a fast process. I must have focused for a solid thirty minutes. But, eventually, my enhanced hearing caught wind of something.

The slamming of a door. A room with the tv blaring music. A young child screaming. An older woman speaking, her voice muffled.

Then, Sophia spoke, "Yeah, glad to see you give a damn for once. There any food left?"

A muffled response. A snort from Sophia, "Yeah that sounds about right. Thanks for nothing."

A mutter under her breath, "Stupid bitch."

And then I was back in my room. Maintaining that focus on someone so far away wasn't easy. But it worked. I could track Sophia, use this to figure out where she was anywhere in the city. It wasn't much but it was an advantage I held over her. I grinned wickedly, feeling my anger replaced with a giddy sense of purpose.

I tempered my excitement and got back on my computer. Being able to track Sophia was good, but I couldn't just find her on the field and beat her face in, as cathartic as that might feel. No, that wasn't right, I wouldn't sink to her level. I would gather evidence, proof of what she had done, and then I would expose it to the world. Let the Protectorate deal with the mess they made.

But I would need help for that, someone with experience in this kind of thing. Fortunately, I knew just the person.

My lack of a cell phone was a pain, so I would have to use our hall phone. Fortunately for me, dad was busy trying to cook in the kitchen. What it was, I wasn't sure nor was I eager to find out, but that would keep him distracted long enough for me to make a call. I snuck out as quiet as I could to the phone and dialed the number I had found online.

After three rings, a woman's voice picked up, "This is Lockwell Investigations, I'm Kate Lockwell, how may I help you?"

"Uh, hi," I whispered. "I'm a… concerned citizen. Who has some information on corruption in the Protectorate. Would you be interested or able to publish that?"

There was a moment of silence, then the woman spoke with a more serious tone, "You have my attention. But keep that info to yourself for now. Gotta be careful on public lines."

I nodded, realized she couldn't see me nodding, and stuttered, "R-right. Yeah. Can we meet somewhere?"

"You know my handle on PHO?"

"Yeah?"

"Message me there, I'll give you a meeting point, we can talk more there."

"Got it. See you then."

She hung up without another word and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Who was that?" Dad asked as he walked up stairs.

I almost jumped out of my skin. "Oh! I, um, was calling the Dallons. Trying to get a hold of them again."

Dad's expression darkened, "Carol has been ghosting us. I haven't got a hold of her since this entire Leviathan business rolled over. I'm in talks with a legal team, it's just hard to get a hold of… anyone right now after an Endbringer hit." There was a dark edge to his voice on that last part. Not the usual fear and anxiety that came up when dad talked about Leviathan. It was a quiet resentment, and a seething betrayal that I knew all too well. I had revealed what Emma had done to dad, he knew. Any attempt at getting a hold of her father however, had ended without any luck. Which told me the bastard knew we were coming for him and was preparing for the storm.

Dad shook his head and said, "But I did talk to the Arcadian Principal. He said you can eat lunch in his or the councilors office and that if anyone bothers you, to let him know. Also, to talk with him in the morning, he has more information for you."

How useful that would be, was a matter of debate. Past experience told me that if school staff ever gave a damn, it was only to keep things quiet. Not actually resolved. Still, it was better than anything I had gotten from Blackwell.

I nodded, "Thanks dad, I know this has been a lot."

"We'll get through this, Taylor. What happened before, it's not going to happen again."

"I know." I said, feeling a hint of guilt at lying about what I knew. But if we were going after a cape, it was better that he did not know until I had more evidence, until I could pin Sophia to the goddamn wall. I wasn't going to risk him getting caught in the crossfire.

The rest of the night I did more research on Shadow Stalker, to little avail. Dinner was charred meat and veggies, but it was nice seeing dad trying again. By around nine thirty, I heard the telltale whoosh of wind that accompanied Kara whenever she snuck back into our house. A minute later, my door creaked open and she poked her head in.

"Hey Taylor… Danny mentioned you wanted to talk to me?"

I turned around in my chair, my history book in my lap and notes on my desk to make it look like I had been catching up on schoolwork for tomorrow. "Yeah, I… Kara, I'm sorry but I don't think I'm cut out for this superhero stuff."

She stepped inside, a concerned expression on her face, "Oh no, is everything okay? I thought you and the Wards would get along great."

"They were fine. Very… nice people." I said, ignoring the Sophia shaped elephant in the room.

I let out a sigh, "It's just… I think about what happened when I got my powers. Watching those people die, watching Leviathan take my dad, and I… I don't think I want to live that life. I want something better than what I had but I'm not sure that's it."

Kara looked at me, hands on her hips, her face the perfect picture of concern. Then she smiled softly and nodded, "Of course, I understand. You went through a lot Taylor, and this life isn't for everyone. If you don't want to live it, that's fine."

I blinked, "Really, you're… okay with this?"

"Of course! What, you think I want everyone with powers to grab the nearest set of spandex and go out and fight crime?" She laughed. "Being a hero is a choice, just like anything else. A choice to put yourself on the line for people you don't know, sometimes even for people you hate. It's a life where you suffer as much as you succeed. I have tremendous respect for the people that choose to be heroes. I have even more for the people that recognize that it's not for them and don't force themselves into this life."

She flopped on the side of my bed and leaned forward, still smiling, "If this is what you think is best, I'll happily support you. As long as you don't decide super villainy is the way you want to go instead."

I snorted, "Me? A supervillain? As if."

"That's what I thought." She stood up and stretched. "I won't take up too much of your time. I can tell you're busy studying. And hey."

Kara put her hands on my shoulders and looked at me with a kind but serious expression. For a long moment she did this, then relaxed and said, "You have a fresh start tomorrow. Don't let the past drag you down. And if your past comes looking for you, well… you know how to call me."

Then she hugged me for a moment, before letting me go and heading for my door. I watched her leave, hesitated for a moment and then said, "Hey, Kara?"

She stopped in the threshold and turned to me and god if she didn't look like an actual friggin angel with the light haloing her head. "Hm? What's up?"

I hesitated again. Should I tell her, should I drag her into this? Kara was doing so much for the world, she was so much bigger than all of this. She was on good terms with the Protectorate and if I called on her she'd come down on them like the wrath of god. But I couldn't do that, I shouldn't do that.

Kara's focus was on things so much bigger than the local Protectorate being a bunch of corrupt shitheads. She could save the world. I had let Sophia run over me for years now, if anyone should deal with her, I should. She was my responsibility to deal with. Kara had already saved me three times, she didn't need to save me this time.

"I… Thank you." I finally said. "For saving me."

She smiled again, always smiling.

"Get some rest Taylor, you're going to need it."

A/N: Fun fact, the other working titles for this arc were 'Relapse' and 'Trauma'. I have jokingly referred to it as the 'Taylor immediately backslides on her psychological healing into terrible defensive habits' arc to my editors. Point being, our girl is strong but she hasn't had the time to process and harden like she did by the time she went out heroing in canon. She's still dealing with the back to back trauma of the Locker followed by Leviathan. She's so used to having to keep her head down and just avoid attention that the idea that she can actually ask for help is foreign to her.

And its gonna cause a loooot of problems for this arc. I am so looking forward to getting into it now that the first hurdle is over. Sorry for the long wait, watching the world crumble in real time followed by a long and tedious move really put a damper on my will to write. But my will has returned and with a will there is indeed a way! Anyway, hope you enjoyed, please leave constructive comments and criticism below and I will see you guys next chapter!

Ciao!