Chapter 35

It's a Bittersweet Life

As they lay in Jay's bed watching something stupid on TV, he noticed she was quiet, he was silently hoping she wasn't overthinking what happened, something he had a feeling she would do. Since he couldn't see her face, he just wanted to help make her see there's a reason he's suspecting his dad of being disingenuous. He regretted losing his temper, especially in front of Emma. He finally started talking. "I'm sorry I took you to my dad's. I had no idea it was -"

"Jay, it's okay." She sat up facing him to make herself more transparent and understanding. He leaned over and turned on the little lamp on the bedside table. "I didn't think he'd come out either. So this entire time I just assumed he was a bad guy and you were better off without him. I'm a firm believer in the idea that people, even people who were hurt in the past, can change. I mean look at you, and us, and what we are and what we've become."

"I know," he beamed softly and then furrowed his brow, "What if he's just saying this stuff?"

"Answer me this: do you think he changed? Or at the very least, do you think he's more open than he used to be? You said in the past that he moved on quickly, got married to someone else, and tried to erase your mom; maybe he was upset. Maybe he had expectations of you as a son? You both were affected by your mom's passing. Maybe who's to say he's finally stepping into healing and hoping to step up again as a father?"

"So you want me to talk to him?" Jay asked curiously. Emma nodded yes to his question, "A part of me wants to, how did you get to be so wise?"

"I'm just observant. Maybe he was afraid to call you directly, maybe he kept his distance after your fight because he was afraid of confrontation? I think you're a little afraid of confrontation yourself."

"I think you have a point and may be right." Jay flatly stated sadly, "I was too hard on him, I felt like the him of the past came right out of my mouth. I always thought he and I were so different, but seeing him, hearing him speak, we're more alike than I thought. I regret being so closed, but being in the same room as him, our old kitchen, seeing how different it was from my childhood, and yet I always wished he'd say the things he was saying back there. Maybe I'm not the only one with regrets. I feel like if he keeled over I'd give a shit, you know? I'd feel worse if it happened between now and by the time I work out the shit I need to, to let him in in."

"I can relate."

"How?"

"I mean, not the same. Being estranged, I guess, I can relate to that part." Emma confessed and then she elaborated more, "I mean I don't know my father all that well, aside from pasted cards and scarves he'd knit me and sent to me for the past couple of christmas. I don't know, Snake's been great, but I know my father, biological father, can't help the way he is. I can't have a real conversation with him; he's prone to rage due to his condition, but I know he cares about me, and it was hard to get used to at first. He was under the impression I didn't care, which hurt because I'd been searching for him for years, and around the time my little brother was born, I sought out to find him for real."

"Sounds like you understand and relate to him to a point. At least partly."

"Nothing could've prepared me for the truth, though, my mom could've been more honest when I asked about him. I was under the impression he didn't care and took off, so I'm saying maybe it's like that. You know, where you think one thing but it's the opposite."

She sighed, "The whole time he'd been alone twelve years or something. I wonder who he was, or what he was like before. I know it's futile and a waste of time, I guess, because he is the way that he is permanently. My mom described him in the past as one thing, and then after his accident as another person, the person I came to know. He hadn't improved; the brain damage affected his moods and caused him to be vengeful, and he didn't have the best relationship with his parents."

"What did his parents do? Institutionalize him?"

"Pretty much. According to Shane and his doctor, pretty much. Flat-out told me his parents throw money at the facility to keep him far from their lives. They didn't want me, you know? They were so embarrassed that he fathered a child as a teenager, and having a child with brain damage was just as bad if not worse. I don't know how whoever my grandparents are could do such a thing. I don't think I'd ever want to meet them."

"Wow, in the shitty life and parents olympics he wins by a landslide, not that it's contest. It just kind of makes me seem like I overreacted."

"Maybe, maybe not.

Jay asked. "What's he like now? I don't think you told me that part."

"Honestly, it's hard to describe. Stunted, but sweet at times, and lonely. He's got the mind of a child, but is also aware that it wasn't that long ago he was different. It's all pretty sad. He's in the best place he can be, and yet I wish he had more of a support system. I see him a few times a year, he lives pretty far. His parents moved on without him as if he didn't exist out of shame. The facility is all he knows."

"I'd like to meet him sometime, if that's okay."

Touched, Emma replied. "I'd like that. So I have no regrets because, despite what everyone says, it was worth it for me to come face to face with him and get to know who he is."

-x-x-x-

The next day, Jay and Emma raided the local craft stores to buy poster boards and decorations for the going-away party for Sean. Afterward, Manny came over with Craig and helped them sort things out and decorate the signs and anything they may need. Emma was tasked with the cake for the party. She talked to the baker into making a special chocolate cake and decided on other goodies on a limited budget.

Jay was tasked with getting Sean to the venue, also known as his humble abode, by saying he got the newest installment film, Elimination Round 4, tickets, but he had to stop at the house to retrieve them, only for everyone to pop out to say SUPRISE! Surprised he was indeed, as he was doused with a generous amount of silly string. Once the fanfare ended, he smiled softly and then got a tad misty-eyed. Gratefully, he broke his silence admiring the efforts of his friends, "This is one of the nicest things ever done for me. Thank you."

"It's the least we could all do; you matter to all of us." He was so touched. Emma presented him with a card which included a picture of them from the yearbook the year they met, not to remind him of their past, but to show how far they had come. In addition, she figured a Starbucks gift card for his future would come in handy. They all signed the jumbo signed card, everyone from Alex to Liberty, JT, and Toby. Mr. Simpson was there and gave him his very first toolbox with his name on it, inside the card he wrote a touching note describing how proud he is, and how sad he is to see him go, but excited to see how accomplished he is, remembering that Mr. Simpson was his first real gig a few summer's back when he fixed his little red car. They shared a hug and everyone partied in the wee hours, reminiscing and chatting about the past and commenting on the present, and speculating on the future.

Jay retired to bed, claiming he'll clean in the morning, and Emma stayed up to at least trash the crumbs and spend whatever time she had left of the evening. Sean said to Emma, "I just can't thank you and everyone enough." Sean was assisting her with the sweeping.

"So you leave tomorrow, huh?" Emma asked rhetorically, and asked, "Do you need us to drive you to the airport?"

"I guess I didn't think of that. You've done enough for me already." Emma grimaced, and then he relented, "I didn't say no."

"Well, I was the first person besides Jimmy Brooks whom I invited to come, but he didn't show, that you talked to here at Degrassi, and I wanted to be the last to see you off."

"You know I'll visit, right? You're acting as if we'll all never see one another again. We have phones that act like computers. You'll see," he assured her, he put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her, "It'll be like I never left. Besides, your boyfriend is crazy about you, you'll be just fine."

"It's just bittersweet is all."

"I guess, but such is life, nothing lasts forever, and I take the time I had here in town as a gift both times. At first it didn't seem that way, but it's fitting. Look on the bright side, we're always going to be friends, our kids will probably be friends too, and so on. Just because I'm leaving now doesn't mean I'm gone forever, we'll keep in touch. Promise me you guys will keep me in your thoughts and we'll be golden."

Emma vowed, "I promise."

They hugged platonically, and he soothed her back softly. She still wasn't keen on him leaving to live even further away than in Wasaga Beach, but at least she felt comforted by their long-lasting friendship surpassing that of their past relationship. They continued talking quietly before she walked him to his car and said goodbye, and they arranged the time to drop him off at the airport.