Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Who's That Father?

I Am Perfection

(Then: Gluttony, Hellhound Heights)

At twenty-one years old, Naruto never imagined he'd be in this situation. He rubbed his temples as he sat at his kitchen counter, going over a few details for a paper he had due at the end of the week. Now, the reason for such a reaction was not due to the paper itself, nor for the text he just got from his P.A. about the antics of one team in Wrath. No, the latter was just a simple reorganizing of assigned muscle – yet another cocksure 'Alpha Male' Freelancer he'd have to bring back to the Ring to keep an eye on, or rather, put back in his place; because Wild Things was essentially a 'Pack' at this point – due to harassment complaints. The former was just in need of one more review for spelling errors and proper citation marks. Rather, it was the antics of the puppy around the corner that were making his head throb.

"Bee-Bot~! Bee-Bot~! Every puppy loves Bee-Bot~!" Himawari sang loudly, out loud and slightly off key in time with that damned Adventures of Queen Bee and Friends show she loved. While doing that, she was also lying on her belly, kicking her feet as her tail wagged and she colored in one of her many activity books he'd acquired to keep her distracted. Normally, the sound of a happy Hellpup would make her father relax and smile, but given the tune, the subject of her song – he positively hated that stupid fucking sex toy that his daughter was enamored with – the lack of sleep he'd been having for the past few weeks, Roxanne giving him a cold shoulder after he kicked her out mid-fuck a month ago, and his very heavy plate at work, it was almost enough to push him over the edge.

She's happy and safe, that's all that matters. She's happy and safe, that's all that matters. She's happy and safe, that's all that matters. Naruto thought to himself in a mantra as he rubbed his fingers into his temple, trying to will back the painful throb in his head and keep the snarl he wanted to bare from spreading across his face. The doorbell sounded, doing little to stave off his pounding headache, and his pup's singing stopped.

"I got it! I got it!" The fast pad and scrabble of claws along the floor to the door before he could consider responding to it. "Uncle Mitch! Hi!"

"Hey, Lil Pickle! C'mere and give your Uncle Mitch a hug! Oof! You're gettin' bigger, kiddo!" Mitch, Naruto's first hire and nearly second longest confidant, chuckled as he undoubtedly caught his puppy when she jumped into his arms. Naruto felt his headache diminish, just slightly. His puppy wasn't singing that damn song anymore, but now his work had followed him home. Well, unexpectedly.

"Are you here to play?!"

"Ah, sorry, Pup. I need to talk to your dad about boring adult stuff," Mitch said. Oh, goodie, he was right. More work, just what Naruto needed.

"Oh, okay…" His poor puppy sounded so sad, he'd have to take her to the park later, maybe see if the Zimmerians could meet them there. Their daughter might be a year older than Himawari, but they got on well enough. And his puppy needed more friends around her age. Solitary life was no life for a Hellhound.

"Can you take me to him?" Mitch asked as claws scrabbled on the floor.

"Yeppers! This way! Daddy! Uncle Mitch is here!" Himawari sang as she skipped in with her 'uncle' on her heels. She bounced on her feet as she stood at the table and looked at his papers. "Wow, Daddy, you made a mess."

"I'll clean it up before dinner, Sunflower. Here." He turned around in his seat and grabbed the almost empty bag of P Puckersnaps from the counter. He handed them back to his pup and her tail wagged wildly. Before he let go, he held her gaze. "Don't make too much of a mess, and please lower your voice when you sing. Daddy's got a fuckin' headache."

"...Okay, Daddy!" Himawari whispered as her tail wagged frantically. He let go of the treat bag and she darted off back to enjoy her treats and crayons. He sighed and looked at Mitch.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Slow day. Using some time off." Mitch shrugged. "You?"

"Trying to get things finished before it's due. You want a drink?"

"I'm good for now, Boss."

"Mitch-"

"Nope, you're the boss, Boss. Doesn't matter what the clock says."

"You, Shikamaru and Rex need to stop getting drinks together." Naruto deadpanned which made the smaller Hellhound chuckle. He sighed and rubbed his face. "As much as I love hosting for my mercs, I've got too much shit going on, so if this is a request that will piss me off, just save it."

"Sounds like you need some relief, boss." Mitch mused as he slid into the seat across from him and Naruto chuckled sardonically. He opened his mouth to give one of his patented smartass responses for that when something brushed over his foot. Blue eyes glanced down, spotting the dark padded foot rubbing against his brown toes, and then looked up into glistening reds.

"Priscilla didn't put you up to this, did she?" Bitch knew he was pent up and that he didn't exactly discriminate. Well, that's not entirely true. He didn't like 'dudes', the brofest, frat-life mindset of most male Hounds off the clock just pissed him off, like they couldn't take anyone or anything seriously without being paid. Hounds that could keep their cool and their wits about them outside of work? Different story entirely. Especially if they had nice asses.

Mitch had a nice ass, but he bordered the 'dude' line frequently. It had been over a month, though. And Pickle was right around the corner.

"No...I volunteered."

"Mm." Naruto hummed. He set his pen down and looked Mitch in the eye. "This isn't a relationship."

"I know, boss. I just want to relieve stress, that's all." Mitch smirked at him. Naruto held the look for a minute before he glanced at the entryway his pup had darted around to. He worked his jaw before he nodded and slowly stood. Mitch followed his example and he led the other hound into the adjoining laundry room. A load he'd put off until there were more articles to go with it was thrown in and he started the machine before he leaned over Mitch and pulled the door closed. Their muzzles were a hair's breadth apart before he smirked.

"Well, you wanted a top, didn't you?" Naruto rumbled. His other hand undid the latch of his pants and he bared teeth at the shorter male. "Get on your knees and get started, Bitch."

Mitch's eyes blinked before they widened in realization and his tail started to wag. He grinned and dropped to his knees, undoing Naruto's pants and displaying a rare talent in fellatio that most males weren't gifted with. Naruto leaned on the dryer and relaxed a bit as his subordinate worshiped his dick with his mouth, all the while keeping an ear out for his Puppy.

The washer load would be restarted three more times before Mitch would make his way out of the house with a bit of a limp to go with his sex-drunken sway, and Naruto would be a bit more clear headed to finish his paper.

They didn't talk about it and neither brought it up later. Occasionally, though, during this 'break' with Rox, whenever he was more than a little stressed by his responsibilities, Naruto would ask Mitch for more 'help' around his house, and the shorter hound would, for the most part, happily oblige.

It was funny in a twisted way, the first Hellhound he'd initially threatened into his employ on Sinsmas had become one of his staunchest supporters and a trusted fuck buddy, with emphasis on the buddy part.

(Now: Gluttony, Mountainside Trail)

"Tell me what you see, Vortex."

"It's a fucking forest." Vortex deadpanned. He was sore, he was tired, and he was suffering from withdrawal symptoms. He was used to getting alcohol no less than eight times a day. These past months of getting none were starting to get to him. The sexy, blue-furred vixen that had led him up here had a chip on that round shoulder, and needed a stick up her ass in the worst way.

Hatefucking this bitch as soon as I get the fuckin' chance. He assured himself. His eye drifted down her very skimpy outfit that did fuck all to protect her body and lingered on the firm rump that sat beneath her tail. His nostrils huffed and he felt his blood rush through his veins. Anally. Repeatedly.

"Can't see the trees within it? The Gluttonfly Hives nestled in the branch fifteen feet away? The Mangler stalking after the Grey Stags coming this way."

"...The what that is following the what?" Vortex looked up from her ass to meet her eye. Shit, that was a sexy leer over her shoulder, and–wait, was she smirking? Was that coy or was she-?

"If you're just going to lie to me, you could at least tell me if I have a rip in my pants to justify your stare."

She was mocking him. Of course she was. She was mocking him because she caught him. Damn, it'd been weeks since he'd gotten any and he was used to getting it way more frequently than now. His sly once-over skill was getting sloppy. Fucking dammit.

"Your next task will be to find me in these woods."

"I don't buy it." Vortex crossed his arms. He narrowed his eyes and started scanning the area, waiting for an ambush. "What's the catch?"

"That's the idea, Vor-Tex." She purred his name, suddenly draped on his shoulder. The space she once stood in was empty. "You have to catch me before I get you."

"...And what happens after you get me?" Vortex asked, tail wagging slowly. Please be sex, drugs and alcohol. Please be sex, drugs and alcohol. Please be sex, drugs and alcohol!

"You start over."

"...We're not going back to the mountain barracks tonight are we?" Vortex asked, realizing with a newfound sense of dread what this meant for him. He'd have to Hunt – a thrilling and horrifying idea all at once – for his own food. He'd have to find somewhere to sleep...outside. Like an animal.

"You catch on quick," Krystal's breath was hot in his ear. "Let's see if you can keep that up."

"Bitch, you're bright blue and I'm the epitome of a Black Wolf." Vortex snorted and looked at her. He kept his eyes and senses on her. "Even with one eye, I can see you coming a mile aw–I was looking right at her!" She was gone. Not even faded out of sight, just gone! He hadn't even blinked! Vortex worked his jaw a few times before he growled. "How the fuck did she do that?!"

"Catch me if you can, Vortex...and you might just get something for your trouble…" The faint words kissed his ears as a tease. A ploy to get him to fall into a trap. ..But dammit, it was working. He was going to find this bitch in a snap, he already had her scent and–behind him?

"Oh, you absolute cu–!" There was a rough shove and, thanks to his forced sobriety, he was unbalanced and toppled over the edge of the mountain.

After he stopped rolling down the very rocky mountainside, sore and pissed off, Vortex vowed on his swollen, cum-filled, twisted around testicles that he was going to find this bitch, bend her over a log, ruin her cunt and asshole for any other partner she might have and then he was going to paint the vixen's face white!

First, he was going to waste eight to ten minutes laying flat on his back in the bush, glaring at the bright hexagonal sky of Gluttony above him.

(Now: Gluttony, Beelzehaven, Wild Things Facilitated)

"Lord Asmodeus," Naruto greeted, rising from his seat and bowing as expected when the Sin of Lust walked in. He hadn't even gotten to straighten up entirely before he was pounced on and pinned to his chair by the other Sin that had entered with him. Blue eyes went flat as the Sin of Gluttony grinned at him. "Bee."

"Hey, Foxy. Been a minute." She purred as one set of arms hung around his neck, one of the other hands rubbed over his chest and the last slowly slid down his side. "How's the Creampuff and Bay-Bee?"

"They're fine." He grit out and fought to keep his lip from curling as he grabbed the adventurous hand going toward his waistline. His eyes narrowed. "Don't."

"Tsk, c'mon, Foxy, I set up a casual meeting and everything. Can't we have some fun with this?" Bee grinned, twisting her hand in his to suggestively wriggle her fingers around and against his. Naruto glanced at Asmodeus. The three-headed Sin smirked at him. That damned three-faced traitor. He quietly growled and pulled his hand out of the Sin's grip. Bee pouted. "Don't be a Party Pooper, Foxy."

"Anti-Christ, if this was just a ploy to get in my pants again…" He grumbled. The Sin of Lust chuckled and took one of the seats across from Naruto.

"Relax, Naru-Baby," he said. "It's not like she's going to whip your dick out and ride you in front of me."

"C'mon, Oz, be an ally!" The Sin of Gluttony frowned at him.

"Bitch, you know I am." Asmodeus scowled at her. "Don't make me corral you, Bee. Because I will."

"Oh, and what are you gonna do? Spit on me? Kinky." Bee smirked, spinning in her seat to roll her sinful ass – dammit, Naruto love and hated that Bee's keister was so fuckin' nice; his dick clearly remembered it because blood flow was being redirected – into his crotch while she sat sideways across him. Her left arms hooked around his neck and shoulders to hold her upright; one hand dug almost painfully tight into his shoulder and began to knead into the muscle while the other stroked under the hinge of his jawline. One of her right hands remained on his chest, where it sensually rubbed along his pectorals – which, aggravatingly, felt amazing; Naruto hated his susceptibility to the damned 'belly rub' – and the other was used to point at Asmodeus. "Can't you give me an hour, Ozzie? I'm overdue to get my freak on. After someone went and tattled to Luci about our weekend fun-time, I haven't gotten a good fuck in days."

"Yes, how dare I tell Lucifer about the Demon Deals that we made that he has to oversee? The sheer nerve of me." Naruto muttered with a roll of his eyes.

"Hey, you're finally catching on. Only about a fuckin' year late, but we can make up for that Fo–Gack! Bleh! Flah! Osh!" Bee started to choke and gag as she was spritzed in the face multiple times with a spray bottle by the Sin of Lust. She tumbled off of Naruto's lap and zipped around to hide behind him. She glared – whoa, those were some eyes – a pair of compounded ruby orbs at Asmodeus as she angrily buzzed. "You brought the Mood Killer?! Seriously?! Dick move, Ozzie!"

"Don't think you're so special, Bee. I carry this thing everywhere. It is surprisingly effective at stopping arguments, as well as keeping lazy fuckers on task. Almost as good as a cold shower," Asmodeus said, muttering the last bit more to himself than to her. He shook the bottle and narrowed his eyes. "Be happy I'm not breaking out the Horny Bat."

"Lord Asmodeus, if I might ask why you agreed to join...her in this meeting today?" Naruto decided to risk his safety by trying to salvage this meeting. He had three more meetings today, and they were very important for him to get his company back on task, so he had to get through this one. Two potential rival PMCs were folding under the pressure his marketing team had put on their profits and were going to be bought out and the last meeting was to be made with his Familia representative. He was going to make that unfortunate demon sweat and wring him out to fucking dry, before sending him back to Knowlastname in pieces.

Whether or not the process would be painful depended on the report given to him.

No, Naruto wasn't holding a grudge against the Imp that dropped a fucking building on his Pack and his Daughter, what made you think that? Rational thought? ...Okay, maybe he was holding a small grudge.

"Sorry, Naru-Baby, you know how Bee gets." Asmodeus smiled at him while one face continued to hold a glare on Bee. The Sin of Lust held a hand up. "As you know, Extermination Day is four days away, and a month or so after that comes…One moment." Asmodeus pulled his Hellphone out and opened something and squinted at it. "Saaaannt Valeen-Taint's Day? I think that's how they say it? Eh, it's a fuckin' holiday about, ugh, love. It's just so fuckin' disgusting what Humans debase themselves with nowadays."

"...Okay?" Naruto frowned and grunted when he found his lap full of Queen Bee again. He gave her a sidelong glare and she smirked at him, before resuming her previous ministrations to tease or entice him. Deciding it was best to pretend she wasn't there – and deciding that whatever Asmodeus was spritzing her with was way more important to keep an eye on lest he get hit by it – he leaned back and tilted his head. "I'm vaguely familiar with it, after some jobs up top."

"Perfect!" Asmodeus grinned. "We – Bee and I, that is – want to start a countercultural antithesis to this holiday."

"So, is this supposed to be an invite to...an orgy?" Naruto asked, arching a brow. Honestly, as long as he could get a plus one to bring Loona along, he was in. Bee snorted.

"Fuck no, that's all Lust, Foxy. I wouldn't be involved if that were the case." She tapped him on the nose. "Besides, I want to keep you and Creampuff to myself."

Naruto growled at her. Loona was his girlfriend and it was up to her whether or not they were going to fuck the Sin of Gluttony again.

"We want to throw a ...What did you say it was, Bee? Heave-enism?"

"Heathen-ism Party!" Bee grinned. She traced her claws over his neck and he fought to keep his lip from curling. To keep his hackles down. Red eyes stared into his blue. "It's all about living life as we fuckin' want to the fuckin' fullest. Drugs, sex, alcohol, Good Vibes and Great Times. And we want your company to supply security."

"..Security?" Naruto repeated, business face on. He searched the Sins' eyes, all eight of them, before he focused on Asmodeus. "If you want security for a party in Lust–"

"That's the thing, Naru-Baby." Lord Asmodeus smiled and leaned on the arm of his chair, idly twirling his squirt bottle in one hand while the other acted as a perch for the middle head's chin. "We're gonna party here. In Beelzehaven's Business Boulevard."

No.

No, no, no.

No! No! No! No! No!

N. O. Means NO!

"Told you he'd resist the idea." Bee sighed and started to stroke her claws atop his head, combing back his fur and almost getting him to relax. He glared at her and she smirked. "Your Vibes tanked just now, Foxy. Can't fool me."

"If I may be blunt, Lord Asmodeus?" Naruto asked. The Sin rolled his hand to indicate he could and Naruto took advantage of the open floor. "That is a fucking awful idea. For all the respect of the Hellhounds I have in my employ, Wild Things is not prepared to act as security for a night–"

"It'll be a whole day's event, Naruto." Asmodeus interjected. Naruto put his hand to his head and slid down in his seat, gobsmacked.

"That's even worse, sir." He grimaced. "I don't have the bodies I would need for a request of that much demon power. Just to get through background checks and skill assessments in order to fully staff my building's lot for an event would take more than two months!"

"What if we supplied you with support?" Asmodeus asked. Bee had a grin on her face. Naruto didn't like this. What was Asmodeus' angle here? The Sin of Lust leaned forward. "What if we gave you a promotion?"

"...Forgive me, Lord Asmodeus, but I am the head of my company." Naruto deadpanned. "It doesn't get higher than–"

"We want to increase your rank in the Horde, Foxy." Bee purred as she turned his head her way and pushed her nose against his. She huffed in – his scent, his Vibes, probably even his Essence – and smiled widely. "How's General sound?"

"...G-General?"

"General Naruto Uzumaki, Alpha of the Hellhound forces." Asmodeus added on, standing up to stride around his desk. He leaned over the back of Naruto's chair to smile at him. "Think of what that sort of reputation will do for your company."

"...What Sin would be my immediate superior?" Naruto asked. Bee scowled a bit as Asmodeus buffed his lapel.

"Well, Bee's out thanks to your arrangement and we are never letting Mammon or Leviathan get a hold of you. Belphegor and I have too much stocked into your company already, so neither of us can lead you, which leaves you with–"

"Satan or Lucifer." Naruto muttered. Drumming his fingers, he frowned. Satan, he'd never met, but his grandfather, Hellmother and the slimy snake had to work together to bring him down. Lucifer he had met, but there was the lingering aura of depression about the King that made him wary. Satan was an Elitist and Lucifer was in mourning. He let his arm fall and his head dipped back. "How determined are both of you to make this.. 'Block Party' happen?"

"Ooh, Block Party! Great name, Foxy." Bee praised while her hand rubbed–Naruto took a moment to grab her wrist and lift it off of his waistline. He glared at the grinning Sin. "Can't blame a girl for trying–Gahk! Ozzie! Put me down right fuckin now!"

"I told you to behave." Asmodeus warned as he grabbed her scruff and carried her around to the other side of the desk. He sat Bee in the chair there and leaned on it to be in arms' reach of her if she tried something. The three-headed Sin smiled. "And before you get worried, Lucifer would likely be the one calling the shots."

"Thank fuck." Naruto groaned and slumped forward onto his desk. He sighed. "Don't misunderstand, Lord Asmodeus, but if I have to choose between dealing with someone who would eradicate me on a whim and Lucifer, I choose Lucifer."

"One of the few Hellborn to do so. I told you he was perfect."

The voice had Naruto sit up straight in his seat at attention. A cane rested on his shoulder and he followed the apple tip to the white, top-hat wearing King of Hell.

"Y-Your Majesty." Naruto mumbled. The cane pushed to his lips and he went quiet.

"Look at that, didn't even have to train him much. Good boy." Lucifer chuckled and lowered his cane. He lost his smile. "Your promotion is probationary, but with purpose. I looked into the little mess you brought to my attention a few months ago. Seems to me that there's a small group of Imps breaking the Laws of Hell."

"...Okay?" Naruto frowned. What did that have to do with the Humans breaking into Hell?

"These Imps have been very busy making waves, and in ways that many of the Ars Goetia are not fond of. But you know how little of a fuck I have about that." Lucifer hummed. Naruto furrowed his brow. Was there a point to this?

Bee coughed and he glanced at her. She held up a small cream puff that was grey and white and oh shit, Loona what the fuck? Her dumbass dad's business wasn't sanctioned by a Sin?! He whined and itched to call his girlfriend right now to get answers.

"Worry not." Lucifer twirled his cane as he strode around the room. "I have a plan to straighten this out. You, Naruto Uzumaki – I'm sorry, General Uzumaki, are going to keep an eye on things in the Horde for us. Check and ensure Baal is still playing ball, Count Azazel's forces a few dozen times, you know how it goes."

"Not really." Naruto admitted. Lucifer chuckled.

"Anyway, I gather that in due time, the Imps will be bogusly charged and brought before Satan. I'd rather skip the whole song and dance shpiel, but...This is a brainchild of mine we're working on." Lucifer smiled at him. "How's about it, General? You take this little promotion, sniff out any miscreants for me, and use that position to protect these two's little anti-holiday."

"Permission to speak candidly, Lord Lucifer?"

"Permission, cute." The King chuckled. "Go ahead."

"...What the fuck do I get out of this?" Naruto frowned. Lucifer grinned.

"You're paying attention. Good." He leaned back and looked at Asmodeus. "Ozzie?"

Asmodeus reached into his coat and pulled out a gem engraved onto a bracer. It was set on his desk. Lucifer then looked at Bee.

"Bee?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it." Bee mumbled, her two lower hands rubbing at her stomach before she opened her mouth wide. Her upper hands reached in and pulled out a surprisingly dry old, thick, leather bound book that she dropped onto his desk with a bang. She groaned and rubbed her jaw. "I hate storing shit in my pouch heavier than a phone. Always a bitch to get back. Uurp!"

"Oh, c'mon, Bee. Excuse yourself." Asmodeus grimaced.

"Fuck off, Ozzie! That's a compliment to the culinary craft!"

"On top of my personal support in your vendetta against the Humans that snatched your girl and puppy, you receive these items," Lucifer said to Naruto, ignoring the two Sins' byplay. "The gem is an Asmodeus Gem, capable of granting you access to the Garden above or anywhere else you may need to go. The book is a Beelzebub Tome of Territory, acting as proof of claim to the deed of lands within Gluttony. Particularly, those within this quaint little city."

Naruto stared at the Tome, the greater of the two prizes in his eyes. He almost, almost reached out for it, but stopped.

"These won't vanish if I don't find any foul play in the Horde?" He asked.

"They are payments to your duties, yours and yours alone." Lucifer smiled. "So, I ask again; do we have a deal?"

Naruto stared at the two granted items and stood from his seat. He held his hand out to the King. Lucifer grinned back and clasped his own around it.

"Good boy...General."

AN: okay, this chapter took FOREVER. I've said it before, I'll probably say it again. But seeds are planted now. Oh, and hey, Tex is getting some decent training in. Wonder what that's about?

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