Alex finally decided to play ball and enter the Imperial Military Academy in England. She flew into London and met Brainiac 5 at a pub. "Ah, Lord Dox, the usual, I presume," the bartender joked as Brainiac 5 did not need to drink.
"I'm on official business," Brainiac 5 smiled. "Helping Cadet Olsen with some academy supplies."
"Bless my soul, it's Princess Alexandra!" the bartender said amazed.
The entire pub looked at Alex. "Welcome to England, Your Majesty," one patron said to her. "I can't believe I'm meeting you at last," another said. An Imperial professor then approached her. "Princess Alexandra, can't tell you how pleased I am to meet you," he said stuttering, full of hero worship.
"This is Professor Squirrel. He will be your Defense against the Woke Arts teacher," Brainiac 5 introduced.
"Nice to meet you," Alex said awkwardly.
"Fearfully fascinating subject. Not that you need it, eh, Your Majesty," Professor Squirrel said timidly.
Alex wasn't sure how to take that. "Well, we must be going now," Brainiac 5 interjected.
"Goodbye," Alex said politely and walked off with Brainiac 5.
When they had left the pub, Alex eyed Brainiac 5. "Really?"
"Every Imperial academy has a political science teacher to promote leadership, patriotism, and defense against the flawed ideologies of the past," Brainiac 5 explained.
"Like fascism, slavery, racism, sexism...," Alex brought up.
"Yes, yes," Brainiac 5 said condescendingly.
Alex looked at the various stores down the street: barbershops, drones, motorcycles, and various food places. "So, all of these people are hired by the government to do all of these jobs?" she asked.
"Yes," Brainiac 5 said simply.
"And what if people don't buy anything?" Alex asked.
"I'm pretty good at predicting human buying habits, but if that were to occur, the shopkeepers would simply be reclassed to a different job or reassigned the same job elsewhere. Or I may decide to keep them where they are and have the establishment be a waste of personnel. The system is designed for human comfort, not maximum efficiency," Brainiac 5 explained.
"Doesn't that reduce efficiency, innovation, and incentive to work?" Alex asked.
"All of these things are done by my drones. I do not require profit motive. These people here must work at a minimum standard, or I will reassign them. Even in the most competitive, efficient, capitalist human system, I could easily monopolize the market. Now, the economy serves to give people purpose while also peace, freedom, and leisure," Brainiac 5 said.
"Okay, how am I supposed to pay for all this crap?" Alex asked as her rank remained an E-3 Battle Brother in the Space Marines.
"I will process your new ID card and banking account," Brainiac 5 said as they entered the bank.
Inside the bank, humans scurried to deal with the workload of finance and accounting. Brainiac 5 could do all of these things himself but decided to delegate them to humans to give them purpose and life satisfaction. He still kept an eye on them for frequent errors. Brainiac 5 brought Alex with him to the OIC (officer in charge) of the bank.
"Alexandra Olsen needs a new ID card," Brainiac 5 told him. "I also need to make a withdrawal."
"Very well," the bank officer replied.
The three went to the vaults in the basement level. "What's in the vault?" Alex asked.
"I can't tell you. It's classified," Brainiac 5 told her.
The bank officer opened a highly sophisticated vault door lined with lead and handed a package to Brainiac 5, which he put in his jacket pocket. "Best not to mention this," he said to Alex.
"Probably shouldn't be doing highly classified official business in front of me then," Alex rolled her eyes.
The bank officer then handed Alex a new ID card with the pay grade O-15 on it, the third highest pay grade in the Galactic Federation.
Alex went around the stores, getting all the supplies she needed. They were uniforms, shoes, books, a laptop, and a datapad. Brainiac 5 assisted by carrying some of her packages. "I still need a...gun...seriously?" Alex asked incredulously.
"You'll find the armory here," Brainiac 5 pointed out. "I'll take your supplies back. I won't be long."
Alex eyed Brainiac 5 as he effortlessly walked off with all of her packages and then entered the armory. "Hello?" she asked, looking around. The armory was filled with pistols of all kinds and designs.
"I wondered when I'd be seeing you, Your Majesty," Ollivander, the armorer, smiled.
"It's just Cadet Olsen," Alex said, embarrassed.
"It seems only yesterday your sister was here being issued her first pistol," he recalled fondly. He handed her a random pistol. Alex gripped the pistol, looked down the sights, and weighed it in her hand. Not enthused, she placed the pistol on the desk. "Apparently not," Ollivander said and then went to find another. "Perhaps...this."
Alex found the pistol too light and put it down. "I wonder," Ollivander said and then handed Alex another pistol. This one appeared to be perfect for Alex. It was as if a glowing aura and the wind through the shop confirmed it. "This works."
"Curious. Very curious," Ollivander remarked.
"What's curious?" Alex asked impatiently.
"I remember every customer I have ever issued a pistol to. Curious that you should be destined for this pistol when its twin model went to Prince Mon-El. I think it's clear we can expect great things from you. After all, Prince Mon-El did great things, terrible things, but great," Ollivander said super-seriously.
"Yeah, he's a piece of work," Alex agreed and was slightly concerned she favored a male-gripped pistol.
Later that day, Brainiac 5 escorted Alex to the bullet train station in London. Alex was carrying around a duffle bag on her back and two more in her arms. At her hip was her pistol in its holster. "I must leave you now. Your train leaves in ten minutes," Brainiac 5 informed her. "Your ID card is your ticket."
Alex nodded and then made her way to the train without pointless drama. She entered the train and placed her bags in the cargo hold. She then made her way to a window seat.
"Excuse me, do you mind? Everyone else's is full," a red-headed autistic stepchild cadet asked her.
"Not at all," Alex said politely, but felt otherwise.
"I'm Ron, by the way, Ron Weagan," he introduced himself.
"I'm Alex Olsen," Alex said, giving nothing away.
"So, it's true," Ron said, spooked. "Are you really...?" he asked, stuttering.
"What?" Alex asked, annoyed.
"Queer?" Ron asked.
"In more ways than one," Alex bristled.
Ron seemed more fascinated with her than bigoted, so Alex kept him around. "Anyone want a snack package?" a train attendant asked them.
"I'm good," Ron said as he took out a loaf of bread.
Alex gave him an odd look. "I'll take two and one for every cadet on the train," she said, finally flexing her paygrade.
"Whoa," Ron said of her O-15 ID card. All cadets were only E-5 until they graduated.
After their meals, Alex got herself and Ron an assortment of futuristic exotic candies and treats. They included jellybeans of every possible flavor, peppermint canes, a chocolate frog. "Interesting," Alex noted.
"It's the cards you want. I have five hundred of them," Ron said, pointing out the card that went with the chocolate frog package. Alex silently eyed a 3D hologram card of Kara with disdain. "Oh, you got the Supreme Leader. I have six of her."
Alex gave him a concerned look but was interrupted by a female cadet who came by. "I'm looking for a pistol. A cadet named Neville Chamberlin lost his," she said.
"Nope," Ron said while Alex gave a WTF look.
"Holy cricket, you're Princess Alexandra," the female cadet identified. "I'm Harriet Ranger. And you are?" she asked Ron.
"Raawwn Weeegen," Ron said as he had stuffed his face with sweets.
"Pleasure," Harriet lied.
"Best to finish your meal. I expect we'll be arriving soon," Harriet said and then went to leave. "You have shit on your nose, did you know?" she asked Ron. "Right there." She then took off.
Ron rubbed his nose as a bit of chocolate got smudged on it. "Wow, what a bitch?" he remarked.
Alex couldn't help but smile. "By the end of this academy, you'll be married to her."
The train didn't take long at all to arrive in the middle of nowhere in Scotland. Brainiac 5 took charge of the group of cadets. "This way to the boats," he said as he led them away. With four to a boat, the cadets approached a large castle on an island. The castle was built in the Medieval style at around 40,000 square meters, eight floors, and 200 meters tall. The castle itself held several towers, a great hall, and a courtyard. The massive structure was only superficially covered in stone, with modern architecture in the interior. It was originally one of Kara's palaces that was later converted into an Officer Cadet Academy after Kara lost interest in the area.
The cadets entered the castle and noticed the Medieval gothic architecture inside. They were stopped by Professor McGone, a no-nonsense woman known for kicking out cadets who didn't make the grade. She appeared to be in her seventies. "Welcome to the Imperial Officer Academy of Edinburgh. Soon, you'll pass through these doors and join your classmates. But before you can take your seats, you must be sorted into your service branches. They are the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. While you're here, you'll form cliques and rivalries. Your triumphs will bring credit upon your service branch, while any rule-breaking will bring eternal disgrace."
"I lost my pistol on the train," Neville brought up.
"God damn it, really?" Professor McGone sighed but quickly recovered.
"Sorry," Neville said lamely.
"The sorting ceremony will begin momentarily," Professor McGone said and then left the cadets to talk amongst themselves.
"So, it's true then. Princess Alexandra is here. Buying everyone a snack meal on the train was a nice flex move. I'm Drake Monroe. I also come from wealth," Drake said smugly.
"Well, okay then," Alex allowed.
"You'll soon find that some of us come from generational military families with records of excellence while others are orphans with nothing to their name," Drake said arrogantly. "You might not want to make friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there."
"I think I can tell the wrong sort, myself, thanks," Alex turned him down.
"Alright, enough with the shit talking. They're ready for you now," Professor McGone interrupted.
Inside the great hall, there were four extremely long tables for each branch of service. The professors and academy superintendents were sitting at a table in the front of the hall. Behind them was a large window. Above, the ceiling had a hologram of a cloudy night sky. Along the sides of the hall were bright lights that illuminated the hall perfectly. Professor McGone escorted the cadets to the front table to introduce them to the staff. Those cadets that had already started their studies and had already been sorted were sitting at the table.
"Now, before we decide your eternal fate, Superintendent Tumbledoor would like to say a few words," Professor McGone said to them. Superintendent Tumbledoor looked ancient but also perfectly capable of kicking ass.
"Please note, don't fuck around in the forest or the third-floor corridor which is currently under renovations. Break these rules, and you will suffer a most painful death...by me. Thank you," he warned.
"When I call your names, you will put on this hat, which is actually a shape-shifting telepathic Durlan. Now, I know all of you signed service contracts for the service branch you wished to serve in with your recruiters before arriving here. As of right now, they mean exactly dick. The sorting hat will decide your fate," Professor McGone told them.
The cadets gave WTF looks of nervousness. "Harriet Ranger," Professor McGone called out. Alex watched interested as the Durlan sorting hat was put on Harriet's head. The hat then moved with a mouth and appeared to have sunken eyes. "Okay, right then, NAVY!" the hat declared. The Navy table cheered, hooted, and clapped.
Harriet had a pleased look on her face as that was the contract she had originally signed up for. "Drake Monroe," Professor McGone called out.
"Marines!" the hat declared.
Drake stepped down with an arrogant, pleased expression on his face. "All the assholes are in the Marines," Ron said to Alex.
"No kidding," Alex agreed.
"Ronald Weagan," Professor McGone called out.
Ron nervously went up to put the living hat on his head. "Another Weagan? I know exactly what the fuck to do with you. Navy!" the hat declared.
"Alexandra Olsen," Professor McGone called out.
The staff became extra attentive as they knew who she was. Alex rolled her eyes as the sorting hat was put on her head. "Hmm...difficult...very difficult," the hat considered. "Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind either. There's queerness, oh, yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you."
"Anything but the Marines," Alex told the evil hat.
"Not Marines, eh? Are you sure?" the hat asked.
"You could be great...again, you know. It's all here, in your head. And the Marines could help you on your way to greatness, no doubt about that," the hat argued with her.
"I'm tired of being a badass. I want to be with my wife and kid. I want to help people rather than kill for a change," Alex said to the hat.
"Well, if you're sure. Better be...Navy!" the hat declared.
Alex gave a sigh of relief and went to her table. After the ceremony had concluded, the feast began, mostly composed of baked chicken and corn...so much corn. Alex turned to Ron's older brother, Percy Weagan. "Who is that next to Professor Squirrel?"
"That's Professor Nape. He's the head of Marines, pun intended. He's an asshole," Percy informed her.
"What does he teach?" Alex asked curiously.
"Biochemistry," he said.
"Well...shit," Alex realized.
Percy was one month senior, so he was given the task of escorting the newly arrived at their dormitories. They entered a large tower that acted as the staircase for the castle. Inside the staircase were numerous interactive hologram paintings of past cadet graduates who had managed to distinguish themselves in various wars, some of whom were already deceased. The staircase was massive at eight floors.
"Hurry the fuck up and follow me," Percy told the group.
Percy led the group to the door to the Navy dormitory. He inputted the password code and led them inside. Alex eyed the common area that was filled with paintings, a fireplace, chairs, and a table to play chess. "Your belongings have already been sent up," Percy informed them all.
Alex was given her own room and bathroom. Looking out the window, she finally felt she was on the right path.
The next morning, Alex and Ron were both late to Professor McGone's class, Exobiology. Ron was a disorganized ditz who needed Alex's assistance to get ready. Alex obliged not really giving a shit whether it made her late, too. The two awkwardly entered the class only to find that Professor McGone was not present, but that a cat was leading the class.
"Wow, we made it. Can you imagine Professor McGone's face if we were late," Ron said ignorantly. The cat suddenly transformed into Professor McGone, another Durlan. "Holy shit!" he said amazed.
"You just had to jinx us," Alex said, annoyed.
"I've never seen a Durlan transform that fast," Ron remarked.
"Thank you for that assessment. Now, why the fuck are you, two, late?" she demanded.
"We got lost," Alex lied.
"Get yourselves a map. Do you need one to find your seats?" Professor McGone asked scornfully.
After the fuck-up in Exobiology, Alex faced off with Professor Nape in her next class. He stormed into the room looking perpetually pissed off, a typical trait of a Marine. "I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is biochemistry. However, for those select few who possess the orientation...," Professor Nape said as he stared at Alex.
"I can teach you to alter the mind, ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to poison, brew biological and chemical weapons, and even put a stopper to death. Then again, maybe some of you have abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention," Professor Nape said as Alex sped-read the entire course on her datapad, completely enraptured by the subject matter.
Harriet gave her a nudge as Professor Nape focused on her. "Her Royal Highness, Princess Alexandra, our...new...celebrity. Tell me, what would happen if I added root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"
"It's a traditional medicine used as a skin treatment to relieve pain and inflammation," Alex answered.
"Where would I go to find a bezoar?" Professor Nape continued.
"In the digestive track. They cause gastrointestinal blockages, abdominal pain, and bloating," Alex replied.
"And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?" Professor Nape pressed.
"They're the same thing," Alex said, obviously.
"Well...shit," Professor Nape said surprised.
At lunch, Alex eyed a news report that the Bank of London had been broken into. Nothing had been stolen, but it was the same vault Alex and Brainiac 5 had been at the day before. The wheels in Alex's brain turned as she realized the thieves were after the classified package Brainiac 5 had taken from the vault.
"Nope, not getting involved," Alex said to herself.
Later that afternoon, the class went outside in the courtyard with Professor Fooch, pronounced "Fuch". "Welcome to your first horse riding lesson. Get next to your horse and get up," she ordered. Alex, having done horse riding before, had an easy time getting up, followed by the elitist snob Drake. Ron and Harriet had a little more difficulty.
"With feeling," Professor Fooch told them. "Mount your horse; don't slide off the end. Remain steady, now hover for a moment above your saddle, lean forward, and come back down.
Neville's horse suddenly took off. "Holy shit!" he cried out as he was taken away. The horse attempted to buck him off. Neville held on for dear life as the horse ran around the courtyard and nearly took out a crowd of cadets. The horse finally flung him off, giving Neville a broken wrist.
"Everyone stay here and don't move while I take Mr. Chamberlin to the hospital," Professor Fooch ordered and walked off with Neville.
"Did you see the look on his face? What an ass?" Drake mocked. "How about I see how you ride, princess?" He proceeded to ride circles around the group and then rode ahead of them expertly. "What's the matter? Out of your reach?"
Alex was about to kick his ass when Harriet stopped her. "You heard what Professor Fooch said. Don't be idiotic." Alex ignored her, feeling fairly protected from being disciplined or expelled. She rode out to Drake.
"How about a race?" Drake suggested.
The two rode out at a fast speed toward the end of the courtyard and the exit to the castle. Drake suddenly stopped abruptly, hoping Alex would leave the grounds and get caught. Catching on to the ruse, Alex expertly rode her horse in a turn and came back to class. Professor McGone, who had noticed the whole thing from her office window, presumably came out to be a hater.
"Alexandra Olsen, follow me," she ordered.
Alex rolled her eyes as she followed Professor McGone through the halls. She expected at this point to be expelled or something, but she also knew Kara wouldn't allow that to happen. So, she felt a mixture of confidence and anxiety as she entered Professor Squirrel's class. "Professor Squirrel, can I borrow Woody?" Professor McGone asked.
"Of course," he allowed.
"Oliver Woody, I have found you a new Horseballs recruit for the Navy," Professor McGone said, pleased.
"Well...shit," Alex realized she had given herself more work.
Alex met up with Ron afterward. "It's unheard of for a first month to be on the Horseballs team," Ron said.
"It's because I'm a Mary Sue," Alex rolled her eyes.
"Well done, Olsen. Woody just told us," Fred and George Weagan said, twin older brothers of Ron. "We're the beaters. We ensure you don't get bloodied up too bad. Don't worry, though. No one has died in years, but some disappear only to turn up in a month or two."
"Good grief," Alex sighed.
"Horseballs is great. Best game there is, and you'll be great at it, too," Ron said confidently.
"Where is this confidence coming from? I've never played Horseballs before. I'm not about to make a fool of myself," Alex rejected.
"You won't. It's in your blood," Harriet interjected.
"The fuck are you talking about?" Alex asked confused.
Harriet led Alex to a trophy case showing Jeremiah's Horseballs records when he happened to be in Scotland a thousand years ago during his early adult years. Alex gave the case a look of disbelief. Was Kara lying to promote Jeremiah's cult of personality? Could it be true?
"You never told me your father was a Horseballs champion," Ron remarked.
"First, I didn't know. Second, I haven't told you a lot of things about me. We just met two days ago," Alex reminded him.
"Creepy as fuck you know more about Alex than she does about herself," Ron said to Harriet.
"It wasn't hard," Harriet said dismissively.
The three proceeded to get lost on the third floor, where they were not supposed to be. "I feel we shouldn't be here," Ron remarked as they entered a dark corridor filled with Gothic statues.
"Well, no shit," Alex agreed.
The caretaker's evil cat then appeared to snitch on them. "Let's move," Harriet said urgently.
The three ran toward a door at the end of the corridor. "It's locked," Ron said lamely.
Alex took two pins and expertly picked the lock. The three then went inside, only to find a giant, three-headed sleeping dog. "That's just weird. Why is this thing here?" Harriet wondered.
The dog awoke from them making too much noise. All three heads snarled and barked at them. "Time to get the fuck out," Alex said to the other two and then locked the door behind them.
In the common area, Harriet and Ron discussed the three-headed dog. "Why would something like that be here at an Imperial Academy?" Ron wondered.
"It was obviously guarding something. There's a trap door beneath its feet," Harriet said.
"Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention to its feet. I was noticing its heads, all three of them. I mean, what the fuck?" Ron said.
"Now, I'm going to bed before you two come up with another brilliant idea to get us killed, or worse, expelled," Harriet said and then entered her room.
"She's got her priorities fucked up," Ron said.
"She reminds me of me when I was younger," Alex recalled.
The next day, Alex had a class on Horseballs from Oliver Woody. "Horseballs has a team of seven players, three chasers, two beaters, one keeper, one seeker. That's you. Now, the first set of balls are either thrown or batted into a hoop. The keeper prevents the balls from getting through the hoops. The second set of balls is used to bat your opponent in the head or, at the very least, knock them off their horse," Oliver explained.
"Jesus," Alex frowned.
"Now, this is the golden snitch, named after our glorious Supreme Leader," Oliver said, holding a small ball in his palm. "The golden snitch is the only thing I want you to worry about."
"Oh, she's the only thing I do," Alex rolled her eyes.
Oliver then allowed the snitch to fly around, a small mini drone. "Your job is to catch the snitch before the other team's seeker does. If you do, we get 150 points and win the game."
"Kind of makes scoring the hoops kind of pointless, doesn't it?" Alex asked.
"Except catching the snitch is very difficult. Sometimes, the timer runs out before either seeker catches it," Oliver replied.
"Got it," Alex nodded.
Alex attended her next class on mechanical engineering. For this specific lesson, it was building an anti-gravity machine. "One of an officer's rudimentary skills is manipulating gravity."
Alex found it fairly easy to work out the mechanics of the machine while Ron was hopelessly lost in the sauce. "You're doing it wrong," Harriet said helpfully to him.
"You do it then if you're so clever," Ron challenged.
Harriet activated her machine and caused a feather to suddenly float in the air. Suddenly, Alex's classmate, Seamen, had a malfunction with his machine. It exploded in front of him. "Holy shit, dude," Alex said of his blackened face.
After class, Ron became somewhat of an asshole. "She's a nightmare. No wonder she doesn't have any friends," Ron remarked of Harriet.
Harriet then ran off crying. "I think she heard you," Alex said, obviously.
That night, the cadets were treated to all sorts of treats and pies as if attempting to put them all into a diabetic shock. "Where's Harriet?" Alex wondered, noticing she was not present.
"Still crying in the girls' head," Neville told her.
Alex sighed and figured she should do something about this. She was suddenly interrupted by Professor Squirrel, who barged in. "There's a trow in the dungeon, FYI," he said and then fainted...like a bitch.
The cadets murmured amongst each other about this. "Silence!" Superintendent Tumbledoor shouted. "Everyone will not panic. Now, prefects, guide your branches to the dormitories. Teachers, you will follow me to the dungeon."
Percy led the Navy cadets back to the dormitories. "Keep up and stay alert," he said to them all.
"How did a Scottish trow manage to get in? I thought they were just legends," Ron wondered.
"We have an insider threat in the school," Alex said seriously. "And, Harriet, she doesn't know. Come on."
Alex and Ron went down the halls to the girls' head. They were intercepted by the trow. "I thought the trow was in the dungeon," Ron said, confused.
"You go where the target is going, now where it last was," Alex said obviously. "Take cover."
"It's going into the girls' head," Ron said.
In the girls' head, Harriet noticed the trow enter. The trow appeared as a giant with a club. "You are one ugly motherfucker," Harriet remarked.
The trow took that personally and tried to swat her with its club. The club tore apart multiple toilet stalls. Harriet was covered in wooden debris from the strike. "Harriet, move!" Alex said as she entered.
"I'm not supposed to be in here. I'm a guy, remember?" Ron said timidly.
"You identify as a woman now," Alex told him. "Now, fucking shoot it."
Alex and Ron opened fire with their plasma pistols. The beams did minor damage and only pissed the trow off. The trow threw its club down on Harriet as she tried to take cover underneath a sink. The sink shattered upon impact, nearly hitting her. The trow went for another swing, but this time, Ron fired beam shots into its hand, forcing it to drop its club on the floor. Enraged, the trow charged the both of them. Alex took careful aim and fired a single shot through the trow's nose, through its brain, and out its head, dropping it.
"Is it dead?" Harriet asked, freaked out.
"Yep," Alex confirmed.
Professor McGone, Professor Squirrel, and Professor Nape then entered the room. "Explain yourselves, immediately," she demanded.
"When the trow was reported, I knew Harriet was in the girls' head, so I left the other cadets and took Ron with me to get her for accountability. We happened to intercept the trow here and killed it," Alex summarized.
"Did you inform your prefect before you went off?" Professor McGone asked.
"No, because he's a tool, and he would have said no," Alex said honestly.
"He is my brother, and he is, in fact, a tool," Ron seconded.
"If they hadn't found me, I probably would have been dead," Harriet said in their defense.
"Ron, you're not identified as a female. You shouldn't be in here. I expected more rational behavior and am very disappointed in you, serious lack of judgment," Professor McGone scolded him.
"What the fuck?" Ron mouthed.
"Not many first-month cadets could take down a Scottish trow. Sheer dumb luck," Professor McGone said and then ushered the other two professors with her. Alex ignored her and focused on the fact that Professor Nape had a wounded knee.
The next day, Alex was not looking forward to playing a game of Horseballs. The sport made her nervous, and she did not want to eat. She was also focused on whether to be involved in an internal investigation of the school like she would if she were a teenager. What was obvious was that the trow had been led into the school, probably as a distraction. It was also obvious that Professor Nape, for whatever reason, had been bitten by the three-headed dog that was guarding something Brainiac 5 had collected from the vault. But it was also suspicious that Professor Squirrel was the first to report the trow and, despite his formidable abilities, had not taken down the trow, himself. He was supposed to be anti-woke, for crying out loud.
"Good luck today, Olsen. You've proven yourself against a trow. So, winning a game of Horseballs should be easy work for you, even if it is against the Marines," Professor Nape broke her thoughts.
"Right...," Alex agreed.
Professor Nape then gave her an uncomfortable look and abruptly took off like a total creeper.
Alex got into her Horseballs Navy uniform and got ready for battle. Alex got on her horse and rode the perimeter of the field with her teammates. The Navy and Marine crowds cheered their own teams while the rest didn't really give a shit. The Navy team was in blue uniforms, while the Marines were in green uniforms. As the game began, the Navy team took an early lead with one ball thrown through the hoops. Alex remained still in the field, looking for the snitch.
The game became fiercer as balls were thrown at players, netted from the ground, and thrown again. Navy and Marine riders slammed their horses against one another and tried to beat each other with bats. As the Navy was winning 20-0, the Marines targeted Oliver specifically and took him out of the game...again with a serious concussion. With the Navy out of a keeper, the Marines now had the advantage.
Two Marine riders sandwiched a female Navy rider and broke off at the last possible moment. The Navy rider slammed into the wall of the stadium and was knocked out cold. The Navy and Marines were soon tied at 20-20. Alex then noticed a Marine going after the snitch. She went out to intercept him and got close enough that they were pushing and shoving. Suddenly, Alex's horse went berserk and tried to throw her off.
"What the fuck?" Alex wondered as she barely held on.
Harriet noticed that Nape appeared to be staring straight at Alex. As Alex struggled not to get bucked off, Harriet went underneath the stands and lit Professor Nape's shoes on fire. The fire quickly spread to his pants. "How the bloody hell?" he wondered and then worked to put it out, causing everyone around him to tumble in the stands, including Professor Squirrel. Alex then regained control of her horse and went after the snitch.
As the snitch floated above her head, Alex climbed up and rode her horse upright. She reached out and went for the snitch. As a result, she fell off her horse and tumbled on the ground a bit. When she got up, the snitch was in her hand.
"Navy wins!" Professor Fooch declared.
The majority of the stadium cheered for Alex. Empowered, Alex held the snitch over her head for the whole crowd to see.
Alex decided to get to the bottom of the mystery by having a chat with Brainiac 5 outside the grounds in private. "Professor Nape is up to something. I saw him with a leg wound. He was trying to get past that three-headed-giant-dog," Alex said, going into investigative mode.
"Fluffy is guarding the package I retrieved from the vault," Brainiac 5 said simply.
"That thing has a name?" Alex asked incredulously.
"I created it in a lab, so, of course," Brainiac 5 said.
"Whatever is in that package, Professor Nape is trying to steal it," Alex insisted. "The man never blinks. He's creepy as fuck."
"This isn't your concern. You're here to be a cadet, not investigate the academy for crimes," Brainiac 5 told her off.
"It becomes my concern when my classmates are nearly murdered by a trow," Alex said.
"It's strictly the business of Tumbledore and Flamer," Brainiac 5 said and walked off.
"Who the fuck is Flamer?" Alex wondered.
A frustrated Alex played Ron in a game of chess and was losing. "I looked in the library for this Flamer character and found nothing," Alex said peeved.
"Have you checked out the restricted section?" Harriet asked smugly as she walked by.
"No," Alex said flatly.
"Maybe drop the whole thing," Ron suggested.
"When I was in high school, I was an investigative journalist. I went through four seasons of murder and mayhem with my sister," Alex recalled.
"The Supreme Leader," Ron said, starstruck.
"Right...and then I investigated countless criminal aliens and locked them up. So, it's hard to turn it off. I notice things, suspicious things, criminal things, all the time," Alex said.
"Perhaps it's a test," Ron suggested.
"Testing what?" Alex wondered.
"To see if you're prioritizing your schoolwork over investigating," Ron said.
"Yeah, maybe," Alex wondered. The thought had occurred to her that the academy was in a giant conspiracy to fuck with her but that only made her want to fuck it back.
As if to add more fuel to the fire, Alex got a package in the mail from an anonymous source. It was a portable cloaking device with a message: "Use it well." Alex couldn't help herself as she entered the restricted section of the library while cloaked. She deactivated the cloak and turned on her flashlight. As soon as she opened a book, an alarm went off.
"Oh, fuck me," Alex realized and reactivated her cloak, dropping her flashlight on the floor.
The caretaker came in to investigate but couldn't see through her cloak. Alex retreated into the halls, attempted to avoid the caretaker's evil cat, and ran into a vague conversation between Professor Squirrel and Professor Nape. "You don't want me as your enemy, Squirrel."
"What do you mean?" Professor Squirrel asked timidly.
"You know perfectly well what I mean. It's best not to fuck with me. Choose your loyalties wisely. We'll have another chat soon," Professor Nape told him. Professor Nape then sensed around and looked directly at Alex as if sensing her. He reached out to her with his hand but grabbed nothing.
"How queer," Professor Nape remarked.
"I found this on the floor in the restricted section. Still warm. There's a cadet out of bed," the caretaker said to the both of them. All three of them rushed away to find out who it could be.
Alex retreated and got lost again. She then found a mirror in an abandoned room. The mirror showed Jeremiah, Eliza, and a teenage Alex, the life Alex would have had without Kara's arrival. The mirror then showed the three of them through various stages of life. Alex saw her family remain together, and then her best friend, Vicki, became her girlfriend. Alex became mesmerized with the mirror, conflicting with her current life and what could have been.
"Like many cadets before you, you have discovered the delights of the Inception Mirror. I trust by now you realize what it does," Tumbledoor said behind her.
"Holy shit," Alex said startled.
"Let me give you a clue. The happiest man or woman would look into the mirror and only see themselves exactly as they are," Tumbledoor said.
"It shows us what we want," Alex realized.
"Yes and no. It shows us our deepest desires, our regrets. You see a timeline in which your family is with you, standing beside you. However, this mirror does not provide knowledge or truth. Your father accepting your sexuality, your mother refusing to take Kara in, and your best friend being your lover would never have happened. Many have wasted away staring at this mirror, gone mad. That is why it will be moved to a new home. I must ask you not to look for it. It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live," Tumbledoor advised.
Alex was about to drop her investigation when Harriet lit the fire again. "I found this," she said, dropping a book on the table in front of them. "Nicholas Flamer is the only known owner of Platinum Kryptonite on Earth," she read.
"The what?" Ron asked ignorantly.
"It's a type of Kryptonite that makes humans have the same powers as Kryptonians," Alex explained. "But it wears off eventually."
"Mr. Flamer has been using this stone to stay alive for the last 665 years. He's practically immortal so long as he is exposed to the radiation of the stone," Harriet said. "So, that's what the dog is guarding. That's what is underneath the trap door."
"I'll look into it," Alex said and took off.
Alex had a chat with Brainiac 5 at his cottage outside the grounds. He utilized the cottage for this very purpose, to have private conversations with Alex. "I know about the platinum stone. I think Nape is trying to steal it," Alex revealed.
"Professor Nape is protecting the stone, not stealing it. He's one of many security measures I have in place," Brainiac 5 said. "But the only ones that can get past Fluffy are myself and Tumbledoor."
"So, now you're directing my investigation to Tumbledoor now," Alex realized.
"It's up to you, but Mr. Monroe is going to snitch on you," Brainiac 5 pointed out.
Alex turned around and found Drake spying on her through the window. He then quickly ran off. "That son-of-a-bitch."
Alex and Drake were hauled into Professor McGone's office. "Nothing gives cadets the right to walk about at night. You're not adults until you are commissioned, and even then, people won't take you seriously for a good few years," she scolded. "And to ensure it doesn't happen again, the two of you will have extra duty."
"Do my ears deceive? Did you say two of us?" Drake asked, confused.
"You heard me correctly. Regardless of your intentions, you, also, were out of bed. So, you both get extra duty together tonight," Professor McGone ordered.
"That sounds like bullshit," Drake protested.
"Should have snitched on Olsen with your own head teacher instead of me," Professor McGone said, obviously.
Alex and Drake proceeded to do their extra duty with the cranky caretaker. "It's a pity they let the old punishments die. In my day, they hung you by your thumbs in the dungeon all night. God, how I miss the screaming," he said reflectively.
"You're a bad man," Alex told him.
"Oh, you think that's bad. I slit the throats of all my daughter's wedding guests one time to gain the allegiance of the Supreme Leader when she first started conquering Britain," the caretaker smiled wickedly. "So, you'll be serving extra duty with Lord Dox. He has a job for you to do in the forest," the caretaker said as he brought Alex and Drake back to the cottage.
"So, I'm serving extra duty in a restricted area with the very person I was with when I got into trouble?" Alex asked incredulously.
"Yeah," the caretaker confirmed.
"Well, okay then," Alex said, dismayed.
"The forest? We can't go in there. We're cadets. We could get lost," Drake protested.
"Drake, don't be a bitch," Alex chided.
Brainiac 5 escorted Alex and Drake through the forest with flashlights. On the tree branches was platinum-colored blood. "What is that?" Alex asked seriously.
"I manufactured a couple of unicorns, but something in the forest is hunting them," Brainiac 5 said. "So, we're going to find the hunter."
"Wait until my father hears about this. He's a general. This is a job for privates," Drake said arrogantly.
"You, scared?" Alex taunted.
"Says the woman the Supreme Leader has eyes on at all times?" Drake mocked.
"Knowing that, maybe it was unwise to fuck with me," Alex shot back.
"We're splitting up," Brainiac 5 said and then disappeared in the darkness.
"Did he really just leave us?" Drake asked incredulously.
Shortly thereafter, the two encountered a hooded figure hunched over a dead unicorn, drinking its blood. "Well, that's just weird," Alex remarked.
Drake ran off crying like a bitch. Alex pulled out her pistol and aimed it at the hooded figure. A unicorn suddenly appeared and scared the hooded figure off with its horn and hooves. Alex put her pistol back in its holster as the hooded figure disappeared. Drake then came by with Brainiac 5.
In the common area, Alex discussed the situation with Ron and Harriet. "It has to be Nape," Alex concluded. "He's drinking unicorn blood to strengthen himself. Maybe he's contracted out by someone else."
"And to think I'm worried about my biochemistry midterm," Ron said, freaked out.
"So long as Tumbeldore is here, we're safe. No one can touch us," Harriet said.
"I find your naivety amusing," Alex said, shaking her head.
Alex had a chat with Brainiac 5 during the day in his cottage. "So, I was minding my own business when a hooded figure asked me about Fluffy in a bar. He asked how I managed to train him. I told him that if you simply play the right tune, Fluffy will go right to sleep."
"Barney, what the fuck?" Alex asked, dismayed.
"Where are you going?" Brainiac 5 asked as she ran off.
Alex confronted Professor McGone about her investigative findings. "I have to see Professor Tumbledoor, immediately," Alex said urgently.
"Well, he's not here. He received an urgent email from the Ministry of Defense and left," Professor McGone said.
"Shit," Alex said stumped.
"What is this about?" Professor McGone asked impatiently.
"The Platinum Stone. Someone is going to try to steal it," Alex said passionately.
"I don't know how you found out about that, but I assure you, it's well-protected," Professor McGone said. "Now, go back to your dorm."
Alex met up with Ron and Harriet in the halls. "Nape is going to try to put Fluffy to sleep and steal the stone while Tumbledoor is gone," Alex concluded.
"Without Tumbledoor, we're fucked," Harriet said.
"Good afternoon," Professor Nape said from behind. "Now, what would three Navy cadets, such as yourselves, be doing inside on a day like this? Shouldn't you be going for a swim...or something?"
"We were just...like...well...," Harriet stuttered.
"You should be careful. People might think...you're up to...something," Professor Nape warned and then walked away.
"What an asshole," Alex remarked.
"What do we do now?" Ron asked, seeing as how Professor Nape was onto them.
"We make our move tonight," Alex said, resolved.
That night, the three were about to go out at night to the trap door. As it happened, Neville blocked their path. "You're sneaking out again? No, I won't let you. You'll get the Navy in trouble again. I'll fight you," he said pathetically and began to cry.
"We don't have time for this bullshit," Alex said and then fired her pistol on Neville on the stun setting. He instantly dropped unconscious.
"You're a little scary sometimes," Ron admitted.
"You have no idea," Alex said as she put her pistol back in its holster.
The three activated Alex's cloaking device and entered the third-floor corridor. There, they found Fluffy asleep to classical music. "Nape is already here," Alex realized.
"Good thing the music is keeping Fluffy asleep," Ron said.
"Best to make sure of it," Alex said and then fired several stun blasts at Fluffy to keep him asleep. "Let's move."
The three dropped down through the trap door and found themselves in a collection of vines. The vines immediately tried to ensnare them. "Relax, and you'll fall right through them. Resist, and they'll tighten their grip," Harriet said.
"Yeah, fuck that," Ron disagreed.
"Do as she says," Alex said as they were about to be squeezed to death.
Alex followed Harriet to the level below as she went through the vines to the next floor below. They were now in the basement level of the castle. Alex and Harriet looked up and saw Ron still struggling. "I read that it hates sunlight," Harriet recalled.
"It's a plant. How does that make any sense?" Alex questioned.
Harriet then fired an intense flash stun from her pistol. The plant relaxed and dropped Ron to the floor. "Good thing I didn't panic, right?" Ron said dryly.
"Keep moving," Alex said, going into urban warfare mode.
The two entered a room filled with drones, floating keys. Harriet and Ron tried the door, only to find it locked. Ron tried to blast the door lock off with his pistol, to no avail. "The key is up there," Alex figured.
"How do we get one up there?" Harriet asked.
"I'll have to shoot it down," Alex said.
"You'd have to be an amazing shot," Ron said pessimistically.
"Well, as it happens, I am a good shot," Alex said and then carefully aimed her pistol. She fired a shot, perfectly taking out its propeller. The key fell to the ground, disabled. Immediately, the other drones attacked the three.
"Open the door," Alex said as she fired non-stop on the drones.
Harriet finally opened the door and got all three inside the next room.
In the next room, they found a large chess game filled with drones. Each piece was the size of a person, and all of them were armed with Medieval weaponry. "Move to the door," Alex said urgently. The white pawns suddenly became active and blocked their path with swords.
"We could try to shoot our way," Harriet considered.
"There are too many of them. We'd be killed trying to," Ron judged. "We're just going to have to play." The black side had three critically missing pieces: a rook, a bishop, and a knight. "We'll have to replace these pieces if we hope to win."
A white pawn then moved forward. Ron tested the waters by moving a black pawn forward. The white pawn immediately destroyed the black pawn with its swords. "Holy shit," Ron realized.
As the game progressed, more drone pieces were destroyed. Ron expertly kept himself, Harriet, and Alex alive as all the other pieces fell. "I know what I need to do. I have to let the queen take me. Then, you can check the king," Ron said sacrificially.
"How about no," Alex refused.
"Wait...what?" Harriet asked, confused.
"Ron wants to sacrifice himself like a bloody hero," Alex told her.
"No," Harriet shook her head.
"Look, it has to be you that goes on. Not me, not Harriet; you're the hero of this story. You're the Mary Sue," Ron said to Alex. Ron then moved his knight forward and got his ass destroyed by a white knight. Ron fell to the floor only unconscious.
"Don't move, we're still playing," Alex held Harriet back.
Alex carefully moved into position. "Checkmate." The white king conceded the match. "Take care of Ron. Take him to the infirmary. Send a message to Tumbledoor," Alex ordered Harriet.
"You'll be okay. You're the Supreme Leader's sister," Harriet said confidently.
"I'm a little more than that," Alex said, peeved.
Alex went alone down the hall and found a room with the Inception Mirror. Professor Squirrel was in front of it. "Well, what a twist," Alex rolled her eyes.
"Of course, it was me. I let the trow inside the school, I tried to get you killed by spooking your horse with my Titan telepathy, I was the one in the forest, it was all me," Professor Squirrel confessed.
"So, is Professor Nape your accomplice?" Alex asked, confused.
"No, he was onto me. He was the one saving your ass against my telepathy at the Horseballs game. He's also a Titan like me. He was the only one that gave me any difficulty here," Professor Squirrel revealed.
"But why?" Alex questioned.
"Why? No one thinks much of Professor Squirrel. I'm just the Defense against the Woke Arts teacher. Well, no one is woke anymore! So, what's the fucking point!" Professor Squirrel raged. "Now, what does this mirror do? I see what I desire. I see myself holding the stone. The stone will give me powers and eternal life. But how do I get it?"
"No idea," Alex lied.
"Come here, princess. Tell me, what do you see?" he demanded of her while pointing a pistol at her.
"I see myself winning the Horseballs Cup. Professor Tumbledoor is shaking my hand," Alex lied.
"That sounds like bullshit," Professor Squirrel doubted.
Mon-El suddenly teleported into the room and gave Alex a smirk. "We meet again, Alex."
"Mon-El," Alex addressed, unimpressed. "What's your deal?"
"Give me the stone in your pocket," Mon said knowingly. Alex had already found the stone prior to entering the room. Alex tried to flee, only for Mon to fire bursts of flames from his hands to block her exit. "The Platinum Stone will complement my Insane power with that of Kryptonian just like my hybrid brats. It will work for you, too. Join me, and together, we can rule this world as brother and sister...in-law."
"Never," Alex told him off.
"There is no good or evil, Alex, only power and those too weak to seek it. Together, we'll do extraordinary things. Just give me the stone," Mon ordered.
"No, fuck yourself," Alex refused.
"Retrieve the stone," Mon ordered Professor Squirrel. He immediately obeyed, leaping toward Alex and tackling her down onto the stairs. Alex placed her hand on Professor Squirrel's wrist, breaking it. He cried out in pain as he withdrew.
"What the fuck is this?" he asked stunned.
"Fool, get the stone," Mon said impatiently.
Professor Squirrel advanced on Alex for an attack. Now standing up, Alex blocked him by putting her hands onto his face, keeping him still. She then breathed a cold breath on him. Immediately, Professor Squirrel shattered into bloody ice shards inside his uniform. "Wow, that was really lame. Now, I know how Kara felt in Midvale," Alex rolled her eyes.
"I know, right? He didn't even use his pistol," Mon agreed.
"Maybe recruit better because that wasn't a challenge," Alex said dismissively.
"This is only the beginning," Mon assured her and then teleported away.
The next morning, Alex rested in the infirmary with minor injuries. "Good afternoon, Alex," Tumbledoor said warmly as he entered. "Ah, tokens from your admirers?" he assumed of all the snacks and candies brought in.
"Actually, I bought them myself. For reasons I cannot fathom, I'm not very popular," Alex said, miffed.
"What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Squirrel is a complete secret. Naturally, the entire academy knows," Tumbledoor informed her.
"Naturally," Alex said, not surprised. "What about my men?"
"You mean Ron and Harriet? Just fine," Tumbledoor assured her.
"And the stone?" Alex questioned.
"Relax, the stone has been destroyed," Tumbledoor told her.
"So, Flamer is fucked then," Alex assumed.
"He has enough time to put his affairs in order, but, yes, he will die," Tumbledoor nodded. "Do you know why you defeated Professor Squirrel so easily? It was because you were marked. This mark cannot be seen. It lives in your very skin."
"Love?" Alex guessed.
"Actually, Platinum Kryptonite, but it's out of your system now," Tumbledoor corrected.
"So, I'm not going to be expelled for collecting intelligence, destroying your security system, and killing a teacher?" Alex asked expectedly.
"No, Your Majesty. Alas, you'll have to do far more terrible things than that to get yourself expelled," Tumbledoor smiled and then walked off.
Alex exited the infirmary and found Ron and Harriet. "Status?" she asked them.
"Alright," Ron answered.
"Never better," Harriet smiled.
"Good, because we have work to do," Alex smiled.