Marina couldn't breathe. There was no air or water in her lungs. Contrarywise it was like her head and ears were full of radio static. And it took a lot of effort on Marina's part to break through the surface, and for the sounds to sound like human voices again. And another effort to translate them in her head to give them meaning.
"Come on, calm down."
"It's okay marina."
"You're safe."
"Look, can we just get some quiet. Marina? If you can hear me?" The doc was speaking to her right in her face. Marina pulled away hard. But Phones had her by the good shoulder, firmly keeping her in her seat even as she tried to flee. Her own hands pressed hard the sides of head from her ears and eyes. The world was shaking. Rocking. It was because she was, she was moving not the room. Rocked side to side on some strange tide.
"No, stay here."
"It's okay!"
"Yeah, really okay. Please don't cry." Maria didn't release she even WAS crying again until Troy said that. She could feel them flowing down her cheeks and running down her chin. She swiped at them; once, twice. "Woah careful."
Phones also caught her hand a third time. But she pulled away from him and hit the back of the chair despite his gentleness.
"Marina cut that out. you'll open that scratch on your face again." The commander said sharply.
"Ah gee sir don't shout. She's real scared!" Phones said. "What do we do Troy? It's not like she can tell us what's wrong?"
"I don't know. Let her calm down I guess?" Troy was gently trying to prise her hands away from her face again. Marina flinched squirming away at the touch. Troy's second attempt she very very reluctantly let him, sitting frozen on the spot.
Then suddenly grabbed Troy's wrist and squeezed. Everyone else jumped.
"Ow! Hey?"
"What is she doing-?" the Doc frowned after a beat. But Marina ignored him, holding Troy's arm in both hands. And pressed two fingers under his red cuff with its Captain's stripes.
"I'm not sure. Are you-?" Troy frowned. "Checking my pulse, I think? Is that what you're doing Marina?"
"Or checking he's alive." Phones frowned back. "You're heart rate okay, skipper?"
Troy nodded. Then looked up at Marina. Marina glanced at him then focused on her hands. And his solid presence. The grey uniform. The pink skin. "No purple. No poison. Real."
"I'm okay? So's Phones?" Troy said. "You don't need to worry about that Marina. I know we made jokes earlier, but I really am alright."
"I know. I know, I just I had to make sure." Marina nodded. "I know."
"Her own pulse is dropping Doctor. She's calming." The nurse said.
"Focus on Tempest's pulse, Marina. If that's helping." The Doc agreed. Troy turned his hand over and relaxed his arm making it easier for her to do so. Marina nodded again distractedly. She could see their worried faces and hear Phones telling her to take a deep breath. So, she did. And another. The nurse was saying the same sort of thing. But it all still felt so far away and hard to do.
"Easy. Easy now. Calm seas and all that jazz."
"Steady does it."
"She's getting there."
"Oink don't you start." Shore scowled. The seal was indeed whining and jumping up at her seat till the commander pulled him back and scratched his head. "Shush, would yah? Settle down. Marina's gonna be fine."
Marina frowned feeling responsible for her pet. But couldn't yet get control of her own body let alone of Oink. Despite what the nurse said, even as her breathing slowed, Marina's own hearts were beating out a crazy samba. Or 'chopsticks' even; only as if it was being played far too hard on the keys.
Slowly Marina slackened her grip, then let go of Troy's wrist but still held his hand. Phones held the other. And his other hand still on her shoulder. That was nice at least.
It felt like an age, but eventually Marina calmed herself down. And almost immediately everyone started fussing over her! Marina leaned out of it, feeling embarrassed, wrung out and overwhelmed again. And wanting nothing more to curl up on herself and hide away for a while.
"Poor lamb," The nurse said in sympathy, wrapping a blanket over Marina's lap. A proper one this time not the foil thing. This was a scratchy dull cream one and felt like it had been washed too hot too many times. She then turned to the doc. "Doctor, do we still need the ambulance, or do I tell them to stand down?"
"Hmm. No, you're right, it's no longer an emergency, nurse. Tell them to stand down." The Doc ordered. "But ask hospital transport on standby instead."
He pulled out his stethoscope and began to check Marina over again. Marina would not let him at first. Then, at her friend's request, tried very hard to keep still and not to be too tense. But still hated every touch and prod.
"I believe it's just an episode. I was worried about that occurring." The doctor said, turning off his little eye torch. Once the doctor was finished, Troy pressed the cup of tea into her shaking hands. Both he and Phones were watching her like she might run back to the sea again if they turned their backs. Marina wished they wouldn't. The tea had gone cool, but she took little sips all the same.
"Physically at least she is fine. Or at least on the mend." The doc continued. "Mentally however-?"
"She's not crazy doc!" Troy snapped.
"I didn't say that." The doc frowned harder.
"Please don't fight," Marina asked; but went unheard.
"Marina you're gonna be okay." Troy told her. "We know you're just having one heck of day is all."
"Heck of a week." the commander agreed.
"Marina is however in distress." The doc insisted. "Obviously, the whole situation has been extremely taxing."
"Yeah, I've seen this before." Phones frowned.
The commander looked up sharply at that.
"What? from Marina?" he asked
Marina shook her head. So did Phones.
"My old job Commander." Phones said at a shrug. And awkward explained, "Some fellas got like this when operations crash-dived? They'd be 'fine'. For a bit. And then, not? But a long while afterwards, if you get what I mean."
"Yeah. Yeah, there were a couple of folks felt like that after a training incident. We had a mission go south when I was a sub-leftie?" Troy nodded, slowly understanding. "I heard one guy was cooped up so long waiting for help. He was okay. Then the moment we got him home? That's when he went to pieces."
"Shell shock…" the commander said, almost in a mutter.
"It wasn't in the Shell. It was talking about hospital and Titanica. I don't want to go back. I'm safe here." Marina frowned, thought. "I'm fine I'm safe I don't know why I keep crying. Am I like them then? The people you and phones used to work with?"
"In that case," The commander continued. "Doc, cancel that ambulance!"
The doc looked like he'd been slapped. "What?!"
"That's an order. Look at her. She's had enough!" The commander said, gesturing to 'her'. "I get she might have some kinda PTSD or whatever you call it nowadays. But taking her away might do the girl more harm than good right now. Marina's staying put."
"As a doctor I disagree. If it is a trauma response, then a hospital is the best place for Marina to receive treatment?" the doc started.
Only Marina inviolately flinched so hard at the word Hospital, she knocked over her cup of tea. And it clattered on the floor.
"You see?" The commander frowned, as Phones scrambled for some paper towels. "We talk any more of taking her there and it could make things worse for the girl! She doesn't want to go to hos- I mean, to go there. Do you, Marina?"
Marina shook her head. Much as she disliked being talked about while in the same room as them. Or like a child.
"Give her all the attention you can, doc. I'll grant permission for anything equipment wise you need. And even overtime. But I am not forcing Marina to go anywhere she don't want to be right now. She might even be a flight risk if we do so." Shore continued. "I'm sure you understand."
The doc agreed unhappily. But only on the grounds that Marina was able to prove she was in control of herself and able to answer his silly questions all over again. And once that was done the doctor insisted Marina take 'mild painkiller and sedative'.
Despite the commander's words, he still insisted that Marina really ort to come and see him in his office tomorrow. His office in that dreadful place, 'if possible'. Marina nodded to say she'd try. But she sorely hoped it wouldn't be for whatever reason.
"She's not to be left on her own." He'd added as Marina reluctantly she took the bad tasting little pill with water. It melted on her tongue. And after swallowing it almost instantly whatever was in it got to work. Mild is not what Marina would have called that medicine though. It sedated her fears and anxiety true. And dulled the headache that had been pressing on her so much. As well as all the other the aches and stinging and bruises. She certainly found it easier to just be still and exist for the moment.
But it left Marina feeling sort of fuzzy around the edges. Not woozy as such. Or cold. Nor sick. Not anymore. It was all…far away again but at a different sensation to what she'd experienced. It wasn't bad as such. Just funny.
There was More talk and questions. Plans and ideas bouncing around. More talk. Humans, always Talking on and on…
"Funny. I usually like hearing them chatter." Marina thought as she tuned out, disinterested rather than distressed. "And this seems important?"
But that idea flitted away before she could think too deeply on it. In fact, her own words and thoughts seemed out of focus as well.
Marina did try her best to listen, if only out of politeness. She just felt sleepy all of a sudden. Well, no it didn't seem all that sudden, more building up to now. But tiredness crept up on her like high tide, gently washing over her. Someone next to her, their shoulder and arm, moved away from her. Marina missed the touch but then Marina was encouraged to put her feet up. Take up the whole seat. Marina did as she was told, turning in the chair and curling up sideways on the hard seat. Something, the arm rest maybe, dug into her back but Marina didn't mind. Oink jumped up and curled up at her feet. Feet and oink were not normally allowed on chairs in polite company, but no one seemed to mind right now.
Marina's eyes drooped, still fighting sleep. Where earlier she'd jumped at every sound, here? She was barely paying attention to people coming and going, despite her brain telling danger was near.
"Troy and Phones are here. It's fine." Marina told her herself, closing her eyes. And the commander had her back…right? She didn't have to go to the hospital.
"Troy and Phones are here. It's fine." Marina thought. The commander had told the doctor to do everything to help her. The commander had told the doctor to do everything to help her, like he said to help troy. Troy Tempest must not die. But Marina wiped her eyes trying to comfort herself as they were trying to comfort her. They were buzzing around, all trying to come with ideas. What to do. Talking but no cures. And Atlanta.
Atlanta had tears streaming down her face too, as Phones asked her, "Do you know what's happening traitress? What was Troy hurt with?"
Marina nodded her head. No, she didn't, she hadn't. But here she did.
"You know?! What good is it if you know and can't tell us?" Atlanta yelled. Whispered. The lights flicker bright then dim as Atlanta was pulling her hand away from Marina's and Phones was practically running away down the corridor away from her.
"No no that's not how it happened." Marina admonished herself. "No. That's not what Atlanta said, not like that. She has never spoken to me like that. Nor is it what either of us did then. And Phones would never call me Traitor-ess! I know he wouldn't."
But Marina still followed them into the control room.
"This is wrong, this isn't true. A memory but wrong. Troy doesn't die, does he?" she tried to ask out loud.
Just as Lieutenant Fisher started shouting to the commander about Titian being on their radios-!
Marina jolted, as if she'd fallen from a great hight. And again, Marina woke up, breathing hard. And blinking hard too. But was relived to realise she wasn't outside the control room. She was still on the hard seat of the standby lounge.
"Just a nightmare. Another silly dream. Only messy. This is real. Not that-."
"Well, it was some kind of panic attack the doc said."
Marina froze listening. Tense. That had been Troy who spoke. Marina risked sideways peek out from her folded arms. A flash of red hair, and Marina's chest constricted. And thought for a moment she was still in that dream after all. But this felt realer. Phones, Atlanta and Troy she worked out were real too, listening to them, reassured. Even as her friends talked about her, thinking she was still asleep.
"Can you blame her?"
"I think Marina's been through enough today."
"Enough for a lifetime I'd say." Troy agreed.
Marina tried, very quietly, to take more deep breaths and assess the situation. Again, thinking about it, Marina was surprised she'd been able to feel safe to fall asleep in the first place?
The commander, the nurse and the doc and their funny machine weren't there anymore. But the only ones around were Troy and Phones, and now Atlanta. Maybe that was why?
"How long had I been asleep then?" Marina wondered, glancing at the land clock on the wall. It took longer for her to work out what it read. What time had it said when she'd come into the lounge? She couldn't remember. But she didn't think long had passed since the doctor had given her that medicine. Ten, maybe twenty minutes?
"Or was it forty minutes? Long hand was minutes, right?"
Marina gave up. Her head felt like a lead weight on her neck, and she rested it against her arms again. Instead, she focused on her friends. They were to her left, behind the big chair she sat on. In the little kitchenette part of the lounge. Judging by the soft clink of mugs and splash of water the three were sharing coffee that wasn't from the machine. As well sharing their troubles in soft voices.
"We should have let her her just go straight home."
"Yeah, but protocol-?"
"Filling the paperwork could have waited."
That last statement was met with a murmur of agreement. She didn't mean to eavesdrop. Marina closed her eyes against the now too bright light, but she couldn't close her ears.
"-Better to have her checked over." There was another mumble of agreement.
"What was up with that reaction though?"
"Was it really that bad?" Atlanta asked.
"Yeah. It was worse than in the corridor. This was a full on."
"Yeah. Marina was real hyperventilating." Phones agreed. "She had me scared she was gonna hurt herself."
"Well. That's worrying." Atlanta said. and sighed. "But I'm not surprised Marina wouldn't go. To the hospital I mean."
"Shh!"
"Don't say the word."
"Sorry, right. I mean it though. Of course she wouldn't want that."
"She wouldn't have been alone?" Troy argued.
"Yeah, we'd have stayed with her." Phones said backing him up. "Much as we could."
"I know that but that's not the point."
"What do you mean honey?"
"Well think about it." Atlanta said. "What was one of the last things she'd have seen before she left?"
"The tower?"
"The beach?"
If not for the subject Marina might have laughed. She could practically see the eye roll. And when Atlanta spoke again, she was talking to these great aquanauts as if they were children.
"You, Troy."
"What?"
"Huh. Yeah. You. In a hospital bed, brother."
"Oh."
"That makes sense. Doc said about her stopping overnight to be monitored." Phones continued, "And that's what scared Marina. It wasn't the check-up that set her off, was it? She'd had all that."
"Yeah. when you put it like that." Troy agreed. "Soon as he said observation and she'd be in a ward? That's when she started hyperventilating."
"I can't say I disagree. Or blame her reaction." Atlanta sighed. "I hate that place."
"Hate it sure. But Marina was genially scared-!"
Marina curled up on herself tighter arms tight as she could across her knees. Which wasn't much. She felt very limp. And bad inside again.
"Oh?"
"Shush."
Marina didn't want to think about hospital beds and swimming. About the palm trees waving farewell. About leaving one city for another. Again.
"She moved."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
"Then don't." she scolded herself dropping her head back on her arms, once twice, trying to drum it into herself. "Sleep. Don't think about Titania. Don't don't don't-!"
"Is she awake?"
"I'm not sure... yeah I think so."
"Let me check."
"Don't think about Titanica. Go back to sleep. Don't think about that when you are safe. Here. Safe. Stop Thinking."
There was very gentle touch shaking her shoulder that interrupted her thoughts.
"Hey Marina. Marina? You awake?" Atlanta asked.
Marina looked slowly up. Atlanta smiled gently, brushing Marina's fringe off her face again. It felt nice, Marina thought, even if her hair and face didn't.
"Hey? There we go. Let's get you home, shall we? Yeah?" the lieutenant smiled. "And something to eat that's not from a vending machine."
Marina nodded. Ever practical was her friend Atlanta.
"Five more minutes?" Marina asked as she rubbed her eyes. But her thoughts sea-sluggish and she couldn't ask in words they knew.
It was very hard work to unfurl herself from her curled up position. Her hands and feet weren't full of pins and needles so Marina knew she couldn't have been there that long. But in thinking that she missed what was Troy said.
"That's not a bad idea actually." Atlanta agreed, turning back to her. "What do you think, Marina? Would you like that? Then we can take care of you."
Marina frowned, not sure what had been said. She cocked her head to the side, trying to work out what to think. And the taken care of meant.
"Okay. Let's go, shall we?" Troy said. And Marina felt his hand at her back nudge her up. Marina nodded. But felt like either the pill that the doc had given her, or her headache must be making her unable to focus. She tried to put her feet on the floor. That went okay. And then she had to coax herself to stand. She coaxed herself to stand. Coax herself to stand. Coaxed herself to stand up. Coaxed herself to stand up. Stand up. Stand up.
"Stand." Marina stared at her feet, trying to remember how to do that. "Stand up?"
Troy patted her unbruised side of her face very gently.
"Hey? Earth to Marina."
And Phones teased. "You're a wasp, not a space cadet."
"A Space what? I don't… just let me. let me think. I need to- I need to stand up. yes? We're going somewhere. Home? are we going home?"
Troy helped her up, tugged both her hands to pull her up off the couch to stand. And he said something, but again English jumbled in Marina's head. Marina looked at him. And he frowned back.
"That's not very nice." She thought.
"Come on now?" Troy said. Was that what he'd just said before? Marina started walking were he led her. But it was like walking through water.
"Maybe we should let her stay on that couch?" Phones said. He came to her side and took her arm, tucking it through his.
"It's hardly comfortable. Just because you two fellas can sleep anywhere." Atlanta said following.
"How are you moving so fast?" Marina thought looking around as Atlanta said that. Because then Atlanta was in front and holding the door for the- Marina had to count. Three of them? Troy had one hand. Phones still had her arm when she checked. Atlanta held the door open for the three of them. "I am tired though, yes."
"There was me thinking I'd get the door for the lady." Phones was saying words, but Marina only understood half of them. "You hold on to me now. Someone else on your other side. It'll be like one of them fancy galas won't it, Atlanta?"
"It's defiantly some kind of parade."
"What did he give her?" Troy said. Was he angry? Marina could make out his eyebrows and his face, but it was very very hard to tell. "It's like she's doped!"
"Troy, don't be rude!"
"It was rude." Marina agreed. But he had a point. She felt she was sleepwalking. Or drunk? No not drunk. No, she'd not liked that the first time she'd been drunk on land and land drinks and avoided it since. But here, something felt very off. Marina felt separate from her body. Like someone else was puppeting her.
"Maybe she's more tired than we thought?"
"Is she cold? Are you cold Marina?"
"Let's get that blanket on her anyway?"
It was scratchy and heavy on her shoulder. It kept slipping off. Atlanta moved Marina's own hand and made her squeeze hold it in place. Phones was talking. Troy answered. Then Atlanta replied. And there was another doorway. Troy said something. Atlanta asked her something. Marina shrugged. Phones repeated it.
Marina's mind wandered and she wasn't focused on where they were were going or what they said. She just went along with then slow step after step, half asleep; Leaning into her friends support and trusting them to guide her. Then just Phones is with her, as the corridor being too narrow for three. Four?
Marina made to check they were behind her and look over her shoulder. But then her feet caught on themselves. and suddenly Marina was awake. Awake and back in Titania alone save for her escorts. But her captors didn't care. Aquaphibians rarely did. There was a hard push between her shoulder blades from behind, forcing her onward. Marina stumbled; but with hands bound behind her she was unable to stop her fall-!
Luckily Phones did.