Chapter 2: Learned

"GIR! You're slacking off again! Obey me RIGHT NOW! I don't CARE if you wanna curl up and cry! Do what I say, or you'll WISH you only had to deal with murdery ninja rodents!"

Sigh… Zim's no fun. Shouldn't have told him about that dream. Now he's even more of a meany than before.

Sad, I stop stirring bacon into the bucket of soap, and switch back to the job I'm supposed to be doing. Something suuuuuper boring. With numbers… and surveillance… and… analysis… and…

My head thumps on the floor.

This floor isn't comfy enough for a nap.

I open my eyes.

The room is different. And Zim isn't shouting anymore.

Yay!

Except the room looks even more boring than before. No bacon, no soap, no giant flashing screens or robot arms or shiny new torture equipment to test out on Dib.

I'm in… a library.

An old library.

Boooooriiiiiing.

There are lots of people taking some sort of class. About… doing library stuff.

BOOOOORIIIIIING.

But then, an older lady with scary hair and "I'm super serious" glasses glares at me. "Sit up and pay attention! If you don't learn this, you won't be ready when the library opens! You might even get fired!"

So… they want me to work here? With dusty books? No big machines or vivisection tables or laser guns or–

The old lady ignites a lightsaber.

Huh. Less boring.

She swings at me.

ACK!

But a younger woman in the class blocks the lightsaber with her own. The older lady smiles. "Very good. Someone was paying attention. If an angry customer comes into the library with a lightsaber, you better be ready! It would be unprofessional to just get burned in half without a fight."

The class gets fun. Really fun. Running through the library, fighting with laser swords, even though it's very important that we don't set fire to the books. Or carpet. Or "customers," which are big people-shaped balloons. Maybe this library isn't so boring after all...

Finally, my servos and generator are getting sleeeeepy. So I lay down.

"Not yet!" the old lady says. "Now it's time to go for a run! We all need to be fast, and conditioned to run for miles. Otherwise, what are we supposed to do if a customer tries to run off without checking out the books?"

Run? Now? After all the fighting and jumping and screaming and playing? Nah. Sleeeeepy time.

Then… in a rush… I understand.

Zim's house didn't turn into a fun library.

The bacon soap didn't get lost.

I didn't get teleported by accident.

I'm… dreaming. Again.

No real library would have so many lightsabers. Or old ladies that can backflip while swinging two at once. That's all too… fun. So this… is just… a dream. Sad…

"Why… Why aren't you running?"

Not just sad… scary…

"Get… up!"

My circuits almost freeze. If I had a heart, it would be pounding. If I had a squeedily spooch, it would be squidly splorching.

I… am… terrified.

I'm dreaming… and I know I'm dreaming…

And if the dream… finds… out…

I leap to my feet, near panic. "Yep! GIR run! GIR train! GIR obey!" I sprint across the room along with all the other employees. "GIR good. GIR do whatever you say!"

Nice dream! Good dream! Pretend dream real! Never ever EVER be rude to a dream!

"GIR trust you! GIR believe you! This is real! GIR good employee! GIR awaaaaake!"

Author's note:

I had this dream last night. As I tried to remember the details, I initially thought it wouldn't be worth writing. The premise was so silly and random, with library staff training getting spiced up with impossible wackiness. But then I remembered the final part. It's rare for me to discover I'm dreaming. And when I do, it either makes no difference, or things take an extremely dark turn. The simple fact that I chose to play along with the dream to avoid making it angry or envious reminded me of "Embrace the Bacon." So it felt natural to slot it in as a second chapter to that earlier dream. I hope you enjoyed it. For myself, I'm just glad I didn't get tortured by lightsabers or given ten thousand papercuts by a dream that got found out. A big step forward for my subconscious.