Soul Society. It's bitter-sweet being back again. I looked at the envelope in my hand. I have to take care of this before anything else.

I made my way to my division. I've always loved being in the thirteenth's barracks. I feel comfortable here.

I reached my captain's door. Before I could knock, I heard Kiyone and Sentaro yelling at each other. I was barely able to hear my captain trying to quiet them because there were being so loud.

I knocked on the door.

"Come in." I could barely hear my captain's voice.

As soon as I walked in, the fighting stopped and both Sentaro and Kiyone immediately sat down. They looked nervous. They're trying to hide that fact that they were fighting, again.

"Oh, Rukia, thank goodness you're back!" my captain cheered. "How was everything?"

"It was fine, Captain Ukitake. I'm supposed to give this to you," I said, handing him the envelope.

"Who is it from?"

"Urahara wanted me to give it to you."

"All right," he said happily. He opened it. He took out some papers and I think I saw pictures. I couldn't see what they were though. He looked surprised. "Rukia, you must be tiered. You should go home and rest," he said all of a sudden.

"Thank you." I smiled at him and bowed. As I left, I glared at Kiyone and Sentaro. They both got a panicked look on their faces.

Instead of going home, I went to visit Kaien's grave. I know it's late, but I have to talk with him. I have to tell him everything. It'll help. Captain Ukitake said it's not healthy bottling up your emotions. I don't talk to anyone about my feeling. Only Kaien. I'll never trust anyone else like I trust him. Trusted.

I looked down at his grave. I kneeled down.

"Hello, Kaien. I know it's been a long time since my last visit. I'm really sorry about that. I was in the world of the living. It's really nice there, you know. I've meet so many great people there. Like Ichigo. I've talked about him to you, right?" I sighed. "Anyway, that's why I'm here. Today, I made the mistake of opening up my heart to someone. I told Ichigo how I felt about him. I thought I would never tell him something like that. The reason I did was because Tatsuki, one of my human friends, told me he liked me. That made me realize how I truly felt about Ichigo. And today, I told him. I thought he would be happy. I was so wrong."

I stopped for a moment. The tears were coming back. I tried holding them back. I don't want to talk to Kaien like this. The tear came either way. I sighed.

"He got mad. He said that I was always leaving. He said that I care about everything else more than I care about him. He left." I started to cry. "He left me alone!"

After crying my eyes out, I got up. I wiped the tears from my eyes and smiled down at Kaien's grave.

"Sorry that my visit was a depressing one, Kaien. Next time, I swear I'll be in a better mood! Oh yeah, I'll bring you more flowers next time, too. I owe you for today." I started walking away. "Good bye, Kaien."

Should I go home? It's really late. Nii-sama will be angry at me for coming back so late. I sighed. I guess it can't be helped.

I walked, thinking to myself.

You're leaving me again? His words kept echoing in my head.

Is that how he really feels? Did I make him feel that way? I guess I did. The image of Ichigo crying came to my mind. I made him sad. I'm sorry, Ichigo.

"Ooooooiiiiii! You there!" came a slurred voice.

"Hm? Me?" I asked. "Who's there?" I looked around. I had to squint to see the person. I finally saw who it was. I gasped. I immediately bowed. "Lieutenant Matsumoto!"

"No, no. Don't bow," she said. She was obviously drunk. "What's your name?"

"Um, I'm Rukia Kuchiki."

"Oh, a Kuchiki. Sorry to bother you, oh great noble. I need your help," she said in a rude manner. I ignored it. She's drunk. Surely she doesn't mean it.

"Of course, Lieutenant," I said respectfully. "What do you need?"

"I need you to take me to my division's barracks. Can you do that? Or are you too important to deal with the likes of me? A drunk," she said.

"I would be honored to help you Lieutenant."

"Really? You're not going to insult me for being drunk. Or because I grew up in Rukongai," she added.

"No, why would I? I grew up in Rukongai, too."

"But, you're a noble."

"Never mind me. Let's get you to your division."

She was really drunk. I noticed it right away, but I didn't think she would be this drunk! She could barely stand or walk. She had to lean against me as we walked. Despite her being heavier than me, I managed to support her. The walk was quiet. She didn't speak and neither did I.

"Hey, are you sure you're a Kuchiki?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Hm? I am a Kuchiki, Lieutenant. Why do you ask?" I said, confused.

"Well, you didn't judge me when you saw me like… well, like this. Even people that aren't nobles judge me! It hurts, ya know? They judge cuz I drink a lot. But they don't even know me well. They should judge me after they get to know me. You get me?"

Her words made me think of my childhood. The people I'd steal from, calling me a street rat. Telling me I'm a good for nothing. The shinigami from the thirteenth, talking behind my back. Saying I didn't deserve to fight alongside them. They all judged me without knowing the real me.

"Yeah, I know just how you feel."

"Yeah, I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I judged you because of your name. Silly, right? You were still kind to me though. You still helped me. Thank you, Kuchiki-san. And, I'm sorry."

I smiled at her. "You don't have to thank me or apologize, Lieutenant."

"Call me Matsumoto."

"All right, I will."

We finally reached her division. She told me to take her to her captain's office. When I got to the door, I knocked.

"Come in," said the captain.

I opened the door and attempted to bow. It was difficult with Matsumoto leaning on me. "Sir," I said.

He sighed. "Place her on the couch. I'm sorry for the trouble she's caused you."

"No, no, not at all! It was no trouble, Sir!" I bowed to leave but Matsumoto stopped me.

"No, Kuchiki-san," she began. "Stay here! You're a good friend! Don't leave me!"

You're leaving me again?

I felt my throat tighten. Why can't I just forget Ichigo?

"Huh? Kuchiki-san, are you all right? It looks like you're about to cry," Matsumoto said, sounding worried despite being drunk.

I nodded. It was a lie. I felt a tear escape my eye.

Matsumoto gasped. "No! My new friend is crying! Why are you sad?" she said, starting to cry herself.

I sniffed and wiped the tears away. "I'm fine. I'm sorry to worry you. I should leave."

"No! Captain, tell her to stay!"

"Matsumoto, she said she's fine. Leave her alone," he replied.

"But, she's crying!" she said.

"Matsumoto, people cry when they have problems they're dealing with. Usually, people like to keep those things personal."

"But, she's a Kuchiki! They, like, never show any emotions!"

"Matsumoto! Apologize right-"

"No, she's right," I interrupted. "What would Nii-sama think? This is not the way a Kuchiki acts. Thank you, Matsumoto," I said as I bowed. "I have to leave."

"Wait!" Matsumoto yelled. She jumped and wrapped her arms around my legs. "Talk to me! You can trust me! I owe you, Kuchiki-san! Trust me!"

This got me thinking. Trust. I need someone to trust, don't I? I know I could only trust Kaien, but I need someone that can answer me.

"Kuchiki-san, please tell me."

I sighed. "Maybe later," I said. "Your captain seems busy. I wouldn't want to disturb him."

He looked at me. "Go ahead," he said plainly.

"Come on, Kuchiki-san," Matsumoto said as she took me to the couch. "Tell me what's bothering you."

She looked serious now. She didn't look drunk, just serious. And caring.

I didn't want to talk about it. It would make me look weak. Nii-sama would be very disappointed in me.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone about it. I promise." The look in her eyes made me want to trust her. They made me open up.

"A while ago, I was sent to the world of the living. I was there just to patrol the town for a while. It was just another mission. But, it wasn't. I meet people, kind people. They were so kind, especially this one guy. He was brave and selfless. He would make me so mad though. We were just friends. Or, that's what I thought. People would ask me if there was something going on between us. I would always say no. That's what I truly thought. Then someone told me that he had feelings for me and that he was going to tell me. But I had to leave again. I had to come back here. I made the stupid decision to tell him. I told him, but I also told him I had to leave. He snapped. He said… he said that I was always leaving him behind." My voice was starting to break. "It was stupid! I made the mistake of falling in love with someone that's alive. I knew it wouldn't work! I knew something bad would happen! But I still did it! I ignored it. It was delusional… I was delusional!" I had started to cry.

Matsumoto pulled me into a light hug. She started to stroke my head.

"It's ok, Kuchiki-san. It'll be ok," she said, he voice breaking too.

We stayed that way for a while longer. I finally pulled away. I sniffed and wiped my eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I asked.

"Because," she said. "It's all just so sad! Captain, isn't it sad?"

We turned to look at him. He just looked me in the eyes. Is that… sympathy? Does he pity me? I don't need this! I especially don't need it from the "ice cold" Captain Hitsugaya.

I got up. "Thank you, Matsumoto. I appreciate the fact that you listened to me." I started to leave.

"Wait! Kuchiki-san," she said as she came towards me. "Let me walk you to the Kuchiki Manor!"

"That's not necessary, Matsumoto. Thank you for offering."

"No! I want to! Captain, can I?"

"Do as you like, but make sure that you're here on time tomorrow. And make sure that you actually do your paperwork!" he replied.

"Oh, I will, Captain! Come on, Kuchiki-san!"

She ran to me and took me by the arm. She dragged me out of the room and we made our way to the Kuchiki Manor. We didn't talk much.

"Hey, Kuchiki-san," she said suddenly.

"Yes?" I asked politely.

She sighed. "You don't have to be so formal or polite with me! I want you to be my friend, Kuchiki-san! Come on!"

I smiled. "You want to be my friend?"

"Of course," she practically yelled.

"Thank you, Matsumoto. That means a lot to me. More than you think."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"I don't have many friends. It feels nice to know that at least one person wants to be my friend."

"Who wouldn't want to be your friend?"

"You'd be surprised," I said sarcastically.

She giggled. "You're funny. Tell you what, tomorrow, I'll work real hard on my paperwork and take you out. We'll make some new friends for you! That sound good?"

This made me smile. I know a few things about her. One of those things is that she hates paperwork. She'd do paperwork for me? "Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you."

"No problem," she reassured me. "Looks like it's time for me to head back."

I looked forward and saw that we had arrived at the Kuchiki Manor.

"Thank you for walking me back."

"It was nothing! I'll stop by your division tomorrow. After paperwork, of course," she said, smiling.

"All right," I said. "Good night."

"Yeah, good night."

She started to walk back. She is truly a good person.

I entered the manor and headed straight to my room. When I got there, I took a deep breath. It'll be weird not sleeping in Ichigo's closet tonight. Oh well, he hates me now. Not much I can do. I won't cry over it though. Not anymore. I have to be strong. I let my feelings get the best of me. A Lieutenant and a captain saw my weakness today. That will never happen again. Never.

Good bye, Ichigo. I loved you.