How…? Captain Hitsugaya… why would… I don't understand. Why would he…? I trusted him. I thought he cared. I…
All these questions and disbeliefs ran through my mind. The turmoil in my head was too much. I couldn't comprehend anything. I could only wonder why Captain Hitsugaya would want to do this. All I could think was how I couldn't believe it. How could he betray me like this…?
At that moment, I remembered something. When we were starting our training he said something. What was it?
"Kuchiki, tell me about yourself."
"What? You want me to tell you about… me?"
"Yes. That's part of the training. I want to know everything. Even the personal things, at some point. To make it easier, I'll start…"
Is that why he wanted to know about me? So he could betray me, hurt me? So he didn't care about me from the start? He just wanted to know those things so he could use them against me. And for a moment I thought that there was actually someone out there that cared about me. I thought that he would care about my past. I thought he'd be different from all those other people that know about me and what I've been through. I thought he would… like me.
I'm so stupid.
Well, I guess I should read the note. He probably needs me to do something else. I can't keep him waiting.
I opened the note. My eyes widened. It read: Tell me what is going on!
I could tell it was done quickly by how sloppy it was written. He did this in a hurry. Does this mean that he… cares? My heart was filled with joy at the thought. He isn't the blackmailer. He wants to help me! He cares!
My excitement was stomped on when a depressing thought came to mind. If Captain Hitsugaya isn't the blackmailer, then who is?
Right when I got back to the barracks, I knew what I had to do. I had to sneak the humiliating note given to me by the blackmailer to Captain Hitsugaya. And I know just how to do it.
I knocked on my Captain's door. When I was told to come in I opened the door and entered.
"Captain, do you have any paperwork that you need delivered?" I asked eagerly.
"Uh… yes, I do. Is everything all right, Rukia?"
"Yes."
"Ok, well, I just have a few things at the moment."
He started to hand me stacks of paperwork and listing off where he needed them to go. As he went on, all I could do was hope he said the tenth. When he did, I sighed in relief.
"Thank you, Captain," I said as I ran out.
"Um, you're welcome?"
I ran into Kiyone's office and picked up one of the several brushes that were scattered across her desk. I took a piece of paper and quickly wrote: This is why I had to stop our training. I hope you can forgive me.
I took the blackmailer's note out from my shihakusho and put my note over it. I put the two in between some of the paperwork that I would take to Captain Hitsugaya.
I ran out of the barracks and quickly delivered all the paperwork and documents. Soon, all I had left was the note and the paperwork for Captain Hitsugaya.
I noticed that my haste was not something normal for me. The blackmailer would know that. It might be very suspicious to the him. If he's watching, he'd know something was going on.
I slowed down my pace and looked around. I couldn't see anyone out. That's strange. There's usually people still out. It's not even that late. The sun has just started to set. What's going on? No! Nothing bad is going on. This is normal on busy days so must be a busy day. That's all it is. Yeah, everyone's too busy to be out.
Suddenly, a snap! soundedfrombehind me. I immediately turned around to see who was there. Fear engulfed me—surrounded me—when I didn't see anyone behind me. Am I being followed?
No, I don't want to think about something like that. I turned around and quickly walked away. As I walked, I couldn't resist the temptation of looking back every now and then. I looked back a couple times, every time finding no one. I should've stopped looking back the first time. This time, when I looked back, I saw someone. They were several feet behind me. I couldn't make out who it was. As they got closer, I got a strange feeling in my stomach. It was telling me to run.
I didn't protest—more like I was too afraid not to listen. I turned around and forced myself not to look back.
As I walked, all I could do was pray that whoever was behind me wouldn't catch up. Or do anything to harm me.
Please, don't let it me blackmailer. Please, don't let it be him.
What if he knows what I'm about to do? What if he knows I'm going to tell Captain Hitsugaya? Is this the third strike? No. It couldn't be. I haven't done anything wrong. This is the first thing I've done to disobey the blackmailer's orders. And… he couldn't possibly know.
Unless, the blackmailer actually is Captain Hitsugaya. I stopped walking. No, it's not him. It can't be. He's trying to help.
Or trick you, said the mysterious voice in my head.
It's right. If Captain Hitsugaya is the blackmailer, then I can't go to him for help. He was just tricking me to see if I'd disobey him the first chance I got.
But what if he truly is trying to help? What should I do? Should I trust him, or should I fear him? I haven't known him long. Why should I trust him?
Why should you trust him? asked a kinder sounding voice, not the cruel one from before. Rukia, you should trust your heart. And I'm pretty sure that your heart is telling you that you do trust Captain Hitsugaya. The voice laughed softly, kindly. It's also telling you something else. Do you know?
Do I know? Know what?
The voice laughed again. So you really don't know? Rukia, who do you think Captain Hitsugaya is?
He's a captain and—
No, who is he to you?
He's my superior?
No, who is your heart telling you he is?
I tried "listening" to my heart. I don't know.
I'll make it easy for you, but only this once. Rukia, you're in love with Captain Hitsugaya.
WHAT?! No, I'm not! I mean, sure he has a lot of admirable qualities. But I'm not in love with him! And, besides, he'd never love someone like me. The blackmailer knows exactly the reason why no one would. He made sure to remind me.
I waited for a response, but one never came. I am not in love with Captain Hitsugaya.
I suddenly remembered about the person that was behind me. I turned around only to find that there was no one there.
Was I imagining things? No. I could've sworn that there was someone behind me. I sighed.
"What's wrong with me?" I asked myself.
"That's what I want to know."
I turned around to see who was there, only to bump into something hard. I dropped the papers that were in my hands and rubbed my nose, which had taken most of the impact.
"Kuchiki, be careful. You're going to end up hurting yourself."
"I'm sorry," I said. I finally looked up and saw who I had bumped into. I gasped then got on my knees and bowed. "I am so, so sorry, Captain Hitsugaya! I didn't know you were there. I'll be more careful next time!"
He got down on one knee and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Kuchiki, get up. It's fine. Just be more careful."
I nodded.
"Huh, what's this?" he asked as he bent down to pick up the blackmailer's note.
My eyes widened. I can't trust him. "No!" I swept it away from him and put it behind my back. He looked at me. "It's nothing, Captain Hitsugaya!"
"Are you sure?"
I felt myself shaking. I don't know what to do.
Trust him.
I looked at him. His eyes were pleading for me to give it to him. He must know that this is what's causing all the trouble.
Rukia, you can trust him.
I looked around. I couldn't see anyone. That doesn't mean anything though. I picked up all the papers and, as I did, I snuck the note in between some of them.
"Here, that's it," I said, hoping he'd get the point of what I said.
He seemed to understand the real meaning of my statement. "Kuchiki, you look pale. Come with me."
"But, my Captain—"
"It's all right. Don't worry about a thing. It'll be ok."
I wanted to smile when I realized he actually meant that all of this—the bad things—would turn out all right. Everything will be ok.
We were in his office. He placed the paperwork on the desk that was in front of the couch. When he set them down, he casually pulled down the blinds at every window. I have no idea how he made it look so casual and unsuspicious. When he was done, he went into one of the back rooms. He came back with two cups full of tea. He sat down next to me then handed me one of the cups. The tea was hot. I held the cup close to my lips, letting the small amount of mist tickle my skin. It felt almost comforting.
Captain Hitsugaya put his tea down and looked through the small stack of papers. When he found the note, he grabbed it. He looked at me. His somber expression asked, Is it this? I nodded.
He opened it and started to read. I took a deep breath. It's going to be all right. I can trust Captain Hitsugaya. I took another sip of the hot tea. As I did, I noticed my shaking hands. That's when I realized it: I was terrified.
He finally put the note down. This is it. This is when I find out if he's the blackmailer. This is when I find out if he actually cared about me.
He looked at me, his eyes sympathetic. "Kuchiki, I am so sorry."
This caught me by surprise.
"This person," he said looking at the note, "had no right to say those things. I promise you, I will find whoever wrote those lies, and they will be punished."
I felt a knot in my throat. I opened my mouth to thank him, but nothing came out. The knot in my throat became almost painful. I felt the tears coming. I can't let Captain Hitsugaya see me cry. The first time we ever really met, he saw me cry. It won't happen again. I looked down and tried to stop the tears without making it obvious that I was crying.
Suddenly, Captain Hitsugaya lifted my chin. I looked at him, my eyes wide and full of tears. He looked serious, but sympathetic as well. He made my heart swell up.
"Kuchiki, it's all right. You don't have to put on a brave face in front of me. If you need to cry, then cry. I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to help."
After hearing his kind words, I let the tears fall. I let out the sobs and I let out my frustration. I had had enough way before that moment. All the stress and misery left me for once. I couldn't hold any of it in. Everything I had been holding back left me through tears or sobs.
Despite all the stress leaving, I didn't feel any better. As I cried, I hoped that this depression would leave. It didn't. No amount of tears I cried could get rid of it. The tears couldn't make me forget about the truth. They didn't erase that fact that I was weak. Pathetic. Trash. Liar. Useless. All of those things are still there, and I can't change them.
Suddenly, Captain Hitsugaya did something that made everything better. He pulled me into his arms and embraced me tightly but gently. All the grief and despair left me for that moment. I forgot about the blackmailer. I forgot about my uncontrollable power. I forgot about all my problems. All I could think about—all I could feel—were his strong, warm, comforting arms that were around me, supporting me.
I closed my eyes and made everything around me disappear. I felt so comfortable that I nestled my head in the crook of his neck. I took in a deep breath. I could smell him. He smelt like mint. His sent was so soothing.
I felt his arms wrap tighter around me. It still felt consoling.
The longer we stayed that way, the more sealed we become. His arms were holding me tighter and tighter. But there was no pain. I only felt his warmth.
All of a sudden, exhaustion overwhelmed me. I opened my eyes and tried to keep them open. My attempts were futile. My eyes closed once again and, this time, stayed closed. My breathing slowed down and I relaxed into his arms.
I guess the voice was right. I am in love with Captain Hitsugaya.