Normal POV
One month had passed since Rukia lost her memory. Her brother had pulled her from work so she could concentrate on recovering. Almost every day was spent at the therapist's office. If she wasn't there, then she was on a walk, trying to remember things.
But despite all the work she had put in, despite all the help she was getting from her old and new friends, she had made no progress. The only reason she knew what she knew was because she had drilled it into her mind. On her walks, she would go through the days and recite everything they had talked about from the previous sessions. When she couldn't remember, she'd pull out her notes and read through them.
Rukia took in a deep breath. She sat on the soft grass and stared off into space.
Maybe it's just not possible. Maybe I truly don't want to remember what happened those days. But I do want to remember! I mean, after all the work and time my friends have put in for me...Just think how pitiful it would be if I just gave up and let their work go to waste.
She felt her eyes begin to water. But before any could fall out, she got up and stretched. She breathed in and out a few times and told herself to calm down.
She had made a promise to herself and her friends that she would stop being weak. She had already wasted their time for a month. She wasn't about to do something else to let them down.
"Hey, Rukia-chan!"
She smiled when she saw Matsumoto waving at her. She had a giant smile on her face. For some strange reason, that reassured Rukia. Somehow, Matsumoto could always make the dark go away.
"Morning, Rukia-chan! Did you sleep well last night?" she asked.
Rukia bit her lip. If someone had seen her now, and compared her to the Rukia from a month ago, they would say she was the picture of health. But, even though she felt a lot better than she did a month ago, she still wasn't where she should to be healthwise. Somehow she'd managed to get a somewhat reasonable sleeping pattern and she was eating a bit more. But the nightmares were still there. She still had trouble keeping her appetite.
Matsumoto felt a knot form in her throat. "If you want, I could go back to spending the night with you. I wouldn't mind! In fact, I miss it! We had a lot of fun! Remember?"
Rukia smiled. One night, Matsumoto had barged into Rukia's room going on and on about how smart she was. She had decided that she would spend the nights with Rukia so she could "chase all the bad dreams away." It sounded like a crazy idea, but Rukia didn't mind. She was relieved that she'd have a "guardian" looking over her at night. And it actually did work. But eventually, Rukia felt like she was burdening her friend too much. She told Matsumoto that it wouldn't be necessary for her to continue coming over. Matsumoto had been crushed. They had created so many good memories at their little "sleep overs." Like one time, Matsumoto thought it would be a funny idea to go draw on Byakuya's face as he slept. After doing everything in her power to convince Rukia to participate, they snuck to his room. But somehow he had been expecting them. When Matsumoto had opened his doors, he was sitting there, arms folded and that famous Kuchiki mask in place. Matsumoto almost had a heart attack. She slowly closed the door then picked Rukia up and rushed back to her room. While Rukia slept soundly, Matsumoto had been hiding behind a blanket and staring at the door, waiting for the scary man to take his revenge.
"Yeah, I remember. But, I don't want to hinder you anymore than I already am. And besides, I made a promise."
Matsumoto ruffled her friend's hair. "Oh, Rukia-chan, you and your unbreakable promises. I know you think it's silly to want to cry. But I don't mind. You've been through so much. You need time to heal, and one month is not enough for that. To be honest, if I were you, I think I'd be curled up in a dark room, drowning in my tears right now. I have no idea how you've managed to keep your head held up so high."
Rukia shook her head. "I still have a long way to go. You might think I'm being strong right now, but I'm not. I'm still weak, both mentally and physically. I'm finally realizing it. All I've done is run away from my problems with tears in my eyes. That's not being strong..."
They stood there for a moment, letting the cool wind hit their tired bodies.
"I see where you're coming from, Rukia-chan. We have very different perspectives, but I think I'm starting to understand. You look down on yourself while I can only look up to you, ironic as it is." Rukia laughed despite just being called short. "But listen to me: If I look at this situation from both our eyes, I can see that you still have a bit of a way's to go. But, that's only because you're aiming so high. Take it easy for a bit. Give yourself some time to rest and recuperate all that you've lost. Let yourself ask for help. No one will look down on you if you do. In fact, we'd all like it a lot more if you'd ask for our help. It'll make us feel special knowing someone like you needs help from people like us."
Rukia looked up to the still smiling woman. Every now and then, the always happy woman would let something like that out. It took Rukia a while, but she found out that sake, fun, and laughter wasn't all there was to Rangiku Matsumoto. She is noble, kind, caring, selfless, and she has problems, too. Rukia would have never been able to see that, not with the eyes she used to see with.
"You know, I've never looked down on you or Kira or Hisagi for drinking...or for being from Rukongai. Just because you weren't adopted into some high and mighty family doesn't make you any less of a person," Rukia said.
Matsumoto lightly slapped herself on the cheeks. "Oh, geez. Here I go again. I know that you wouldn't be so shallow. I don't know why I keep thinking these things. Come on, Matsumoto, you're better than this," she whispered to herself.
Rukia looked at her friend for a moment. Yes, the beautiful woman was not perfect. Yes, she had her own struggles. And yes, she was not a very emotionally stable person. But things like this rarely happened. And when it did, it meant that something was very wrong.
"Matsumoto, did anything happen?"
She blinked. "What?! No! What would make you say that?!" She forced herself to laugh.
They looked each other in the eye. Rukia's strong stare told Matsumoto that she was there for her, always. Matsumoto's strained smile told Rukia that, sooner or later, she would tell her.
"Um, anyway, Rukia-chan, I came to get you! I have a bit of a surprise for you! Come on!"
She grabbed the small girl's hand and started running at high speed. Rukia smiled at the now very familiar action.
"Why are we here?" Rukia asked as she stared at Captain Hitsugaya's door.
She didn't want to admit it yet. On her walks, her mind would often drift to the young prodigy. She'd start thinking of the romantic moments they had supposedly shared. When she did, she would feel this little pang in her heart. It frightened her at first. But soon, she realized something: Despite the fact that she couldn't remember her memories, she was starting to remember the feelings she had developed for Toshiro Hitsugaya. She didn't like it. She tried forcing herself to forget about that little crush of hers. But it grew everyday. Everytime she'd look at him, her heart would skip a beat. She felt as if her lungs weren't getting enough oxygen. Her mind couldn't work properly. At first, it was a terrible feeling. But soon, she looked forward to seeing him and getting that strange feeling. She felt motivated to work even harder to remember her missing memories.
"You'll see," Matsumoto sang. She covered the girl's eyes with her hands and kicked the door. Someone from inside opened it and she felt Matsumoto lightly push her forward. Matsumoto's hands moved and Rukia's eyes widened.
The room was covered in balloons, ribbons, rabbits, and more. And to make it even better, all of her friends were there. Renji, Kiyone, Sentaro, Captain Ukitake, Kira, Hisagi, and Yachiru threw confetti into the air and cheered. They all rushed to Rukia and took turns hugging-more like crushing-Rukia. Renji started arguing with Hisagi for "hogging" her. Hisagi responded by hugging her even tighter and running around the room with her. Renji angrily chased him down. Rukia laughed as the two yelled. Matsumoto soon joined in, claiming that she would win this new "game."
A cough interrupted their fun. It was Captain Hitsugaya. Next to him was Lieutenant Hinamori, who was also now a friend of Rukia's.
"Can someone explain to me why you idiots are running around my office?" he asked, that famous tick mark appearing.
Hisagi put Rukia down and started mumbling excuses.
The young captain sighed. "I suppose I'll let it slide this once, since it is a special occasion."
Rukia blinked. "Oh, yeah. What is the special occasion anyway?"
Everyone smiled. Matsumoto went to the door and pulled on a string. Balloons fell, followed by a sign. "Happy Rukia Appreciation Day!" was written on it. She giggled when she saw the fine print. "Sorry if this is spelled wrong. Someone was dumb enough to let Hisagi write this."
Hisagi eyed Renji. "Hey, I looked up how to spell those words!"
Everyone laughed.
"That's why I was so worried," Renji said.
"Why did you guys suddenly want to make today about me?" Rukia asked.
"Well, we just thought that you needed something to cheer you up. We've noticed how the fact that you still can't remember anything was starting to make you sad. So we put this together. Kinda to say, 'Hey, it's ok you can't remember. We're not sad or mad or disappointed. We love you either way. And it's ok if you give up.'" Matsumoto said.
Rukia stared at her. "How did you know?"
"We notice things, Rukia," Captain Ukitake said.
"Yeah!" Yachiru said. "You feel bad 'cuz you're trying so hard but you're not getting anywhere."
"But we see it differently," Renji said.
"Mm-hmm," Kira agreed. "We're actually really proud of you!"
Hisagi patted her head. "You've worked your butt off trying to please us, when it's yourself you should be doing this for."
"We realized that this was really too much for you," Kiyoke said.
"So we wanted to tell you that it's ok to give up," Sentaro said.
Matsumoto came and hugged the small girl. "It's ok, Rukia-chan. We actually want you to stop this. Not 'cuz we're tired of helping you or anything. But because we want what's best for you. You've made a heck of an effort. But sometimes, somethings are just impossible. And that's ok."
Rukia wiped a tear from her eyes. "Thank you."
They smiled.
Hinamori brought a box to the table. "Rukia, I hope you like the cake. Shiro-chan and I spent almost an hour picking it out...Although, now that I think about it, we spent most of it arguing over which one you'd like more." She sheepishly laughed. She took it out of the box. "And since someone didn't know how to spell correctly and wasted over 20 posters"-she eyed Hisagi-"we were a little short on money. So me and Shiro-chan had to decorate it ourselves."
Rukia came over and looked at the horribly made cake. She looked at the uneven white frosting smothering it. She looked at the strange purple and blue drawings that somewhat resembled rabbits. She looked at the neat handwriting that looked so out of place. She smiled because she knew that it was Captain Hitsugaya that had done that part. She looked to him. His arms were crossed and his head was turned the other way. He was pretending to not care.
She smiled. "I love it."
She didn't notice, but Toshiro jerked his head to look at her. His once blank face showed curiosity.
Hinamori smiled. "Yay! I told you she'd like it, Shiro-chan!"
He took a moment. He sighed and turned his back to everyone again. "Don't call me that," he said with a smile.
The party had gone on well past midnight. Matsumoto and her "drinking buddies" had definitely been the life of the party. They drank, laughed, yelled, ran around like idiots and more. They had even managed to move the party to the roof. And surprisingly, Toshiro didn't try to stop them. It then started to rain.
A very tired Rukia had tried to go back inside. But Matsumoto had different ideas.
"Oh, come on, Rukia-chan! Let's dance!" Matsumoto said as she tried to pry the girl off the door.
"No! It's raining and I'm going to get sick! And besides, I don't like to dance," she whispered.
"Huh? Really? Not even if you could dance with a certain short, white haired captain?" Matsumoto snickered.
Rukia's face turned red. "W-W-What?"
Matsumoto noticed Rukia's grip loosen a bit. She continued, "Aw, don't tell me you wouldn't want to. Imagine, Captain's hands on your hips, holding onto you protectively. Your arms around his neck. You two slowly dancing in the rain. And then, your eyes meet. He's lost in a daze. He'll lean in, and you two k-"
"No!" she screamed. She let go of the door and covered her ears.
"Ah-ha!" Matsumoto cheered. She picked Rukia up, swung her onto her shoulder like it was nothing, and flash-stepped to the roof. "I did it, you guys! I call first dibs!"
Matsumoto swiftly brought Rukia down and started violently swaying her back and forth. Matsumoto even went through the trouble of loudly humming a song.
Renji drunkenly stumbled towards the two. "Hey, it's my turn!" he slurred.
"What? Nuh-uh," Kiyone pouted. "I called it!"
"No you didn't!"
Renji and Kiyone continued to argue. As they did, Hisagi quietly tip-toed to the bashful woman and her prisoner. He tripped Matsumoto and quickly took Rukia into his arms. He swayed her around.
"You don't like dancing, do you?" he asked.
She looked down and shook her head.
All of a sudden, he placed his hands under her arms and lifted her tiny body. He brought her feet onto his. He looked like an older brother dancing with his younger sister. "Well don't be sad about it! I don't mind. In fact, I think it's kinda cute."
She looked up at his in shock. An innocent blush came onto her cheeks, and he smirked. He spun around, then dipped her. They stayed like that for a bit.
"You know, if you're not busy tomorrow-"
Before he could finish, Renji came and karate kicked him off the roof. He grabbed Rukia before she hit the ground. "That Hisagi. He's such a flirt," Renji mumbled seriously.
His eyes drifted to his best friend and their eyes met. He smiled and then hugged her. His arms wrapped around her as gently as he could. "I miss you, best friend."
She scoffed affectionately. "You dummy..."
He looked at her with his drunken blush and his classic smirk. "You know you still love me."
Before she could say anything else, Kiyone swooped in and took Rukia from his arms. For a moment, he stayed there, too drunk to figure out what just happened.
"So, Rukia, how are things between you and Captain Hitsugaya?" Kiyone asked teasingly.
Rukia blushed. "I don't know what you're talking about!" she nervously yelled.
"Oh, come on! The two of you obviously have something special! So how serious is it? Hugs-and-kisses serious? Or baby-making-time serious?" She winked.
Rukia gasped. "Eh?! W-What are you talking about?" she yelled. She was so flustered and her cheeks were burning. "He's my superior and I'm his subordinate! N-Nothing more!"
"Oh, I see. He's the roleplaying type. I bet the whole "Hai, Taicho" thing really turns him on. Me-ow!"
"K-Kiyone!"
"Aw, Rukia, you're so cute!" Kiyone spun her around. "Huh?" she said when she saw Rukia was gone.
Rukia looked up to see Captain Hitsugaya. "W-Where are we going?" she asked urgently.
"What? No, 'thanks for saving me back there. I owe you my life'?"
She looked down, her face burning. "Thanks," she whispered.
He chuckled. It caught her by surprise. "I was just kidding, Rukia."
She forced herself not to react at the use of her first name.
He was flash-stepping from roof to roof. He was carrying her, his arms tight around her.
I won't let you fall.
She looked at the ground way below them. It was moving so fast that it was almost hypnotizing.
Rukia looked back up. "Where are you taking me?" she asked again, her voice slightly more confident.
"Away," he said nonchalantly. His confidence made her blush.
This isn't like him at all...
"Why?" she probed.
"You ask so many questions." He smirked. "Don't trust me?"
"I don't know. I mean, a captain kidnapping one of his subordinates and taking her far away to some unknown location does seem a little suspicious."
Toshiro couldn't help but feel a childish content when he saw her relax.
"I want to talk..."
Rukia's head shot up to look at him. Her eyes slightly widened. He looked so handsome. His tanned skin seemed to glow in contrast to his white hair. His white hair, covered in rain drops, made him look so innocent, so young. He was young. It just never showed. He had too much power and responsibility. Goofing off was always out of the question.
With all those qualities, who couldn't admire him?
And that was the very thing Rukia found herself doing. She was so distracted by his admirable features, she hadn't noticed he had stopped.
He smiled. She looked so beautiful, so innocent. Her black hair was soaked and her skin paler than usual. Her eyes were huge and her mouth slightly apart. She was so curious and distracted. And he loved so much the fact that her arms were wrapped around his neck so tightly, as if she were scared to fall.
He suddenly chuckled. The still unfamiliar sound broke Rukia out of her trance. He began to let her down slowly. The whole time, her eyes remained on his. Her feet were finally touching the ground. She didn't want to let go of him. She stared up at him wantingly. His stare was just was strong.
Rukia snapped out of it. She finally realized what she was doing and who she was with. She brought her arms away from him and cleared her throat. "So, what did you want to talk about?"
He didn't want to admit it, but he was slightly hurt. "Sit down."
They both sat. For a long time, they didn't speak. They listened to the soft patter of the tiny rain drops.
Suddenly, Toshiro lied down and looked up at the gray sky. "Um..."
She waited.
"So...you haven't been able to remember anything?" he asked quietly.
She tried not to flinch, but she still did.
He frowned. "I'm-"
"No!" she said. "No...Don't say it. I've had enough of people pitying me. I don't want to be protected anymore, Captain. It's just a bit of a sore subject."
The rain suddenly picked up. Toshiro couldn't tell if she was crying.
"I haven't been able to remember a thing."
He nodded. "So you don't remember anything about our...relationship?"
She shook her head.
"I see," he whispered disappointedly.
"It's not because I don't have feeling for you anymore! I-I mean..." She bit her lips.
What the heck was she doing? Was she seriously about to tell this man, this stranger, her strange feelings?
She sighed. "Lately on my walks, I've been thinking about other things. One of them is you, Captain Hitsugaya. Everytime you come to mind, I get this feeling. It's so weird. It borders pain, but it's not quite hurtful. It's hard to describe. All I know is that it makes my heart feel warm." Her lips were quivering, but she still managed to control her tears. "I don't know anything about the relationship we had in the past. I can't remember any of it, no matter how hard I try. But, that feeling...my mind is telling me that I've never felt it before...yet my heart tells me otherwise. It's so familiar. And I only feel it when I think about you."
She let her words sink in. As she waited, she forced herself to look down. She knew that if she got one glimpse of him, she's lose her composure and break her promise.
"A-And," she continued, "I think I've figured something out: I can't remember any memories of the relationship we had. But, somehow, I've remembered the feelings that it gave me. And you know what? I really, really like that feeling. I want to always feel like that. Warm. Like I'm right next to a fire, wrapped in the softest blanket ever with a cup of hot chocolate full of marshmallows next to me. And you're the only one who can make me feel like that. A-And I'm scared to admit the reason why that is. But I'll say it anyways. C-Captain Hitsugaya, I-"
His arms shot to her clumsily. He hugged her tightly. So tightly, that she lost her balance. They fell to the ground.
One of his arms was wrapped around her back. The other was stroking her wet hair. His hold tightened when he heard a small sob escape her lips.
Her little hands gripped his haori. She brought herself closer to him. She breathed in his mint scent. She began to tremble.
"Captain Hitsugaya?" she whispered. Her voice was muffled and shaky.
"Mm-hm?" he whispered against her hair.
"I-I think...I think I like you. I think I really, really like you," she cried.
He pulled away from her and looked down at her fragile figure.
She looked up at him. She was terrified. What if he didn't feel anything for her? What if he thought she was stupid? Was he mad at her for breaking her promise and crying? Did he think any less of her?
She shut her eyes and looked away from him. "I'm sorry-"
He brought a hand to her chin and lifted it up. She kept her eyes closed.
"Look at me," he whispered lovingly. She did.
He thought it through one last time.
He caressed her face before leaning in close to her. She stared at him, wide eyed.
"C-Captain...?"
Before she could continue, he kissed her.