some thoughts tony has about loki and the situation he got himself in.
only thing i own is the story. enjoy!
eta: ugh y'know what? imma stop fussing with this chapter, i'm tired, i'm sorry.
i'm still trying to find the voice for this since i abandoned it for so long, but the longer i stare at it, the less sense it makes, english as a whole i mean. i suck at grammar, what else is new?
It wasn't easy, not by any means, but he was managing.
His crushes never lasted this long, though granted, he'd never not acted on them, he usually would invite whatever girl into his bed/back seat and get it out of his system before dinner, before he got to know them, before he understood that there was more nuance to them than their pleasant looks.
This was, sadly, not the case with Loki.
Loki was funny, in a very dark, very caustic way. It was brilliant.
She could be kind; she's not a nice person, not by a long shot, if she doesn't like your "vibe" you could get caught on fire and she wouldn't spit on you, but she could be kind when she wanted to be, when she needed to be. Tony likes that about her because yes, she could rip you apart with a handful of words, and he kind of could see why some people wouldn't like her (but still, fuck Sif), but she was always unrepentant, no matter if things turned against, or in her favor.
She was smart, certainly smarter than the likes of the three stooges gave her credit for, he got unbelievably annoyed every time they made a remark about her lack of common sense, or whatever the fuck else they were criticizing in the moment, like she couldn't outwit their shared brain-cell with so much class they didn't realize it was happening until it'd ended.
She had absolutely no fucking idea of who he was, other than the moron that was always up for unhealthy food at three in the morning, when Fandral wouldn't wake up even if the entire building fell on him. He was just Tony - Anthony.
He loved those times when she spent the night in their dorm the most (just as much as he hated them because he had ears and he could hear them even when they tried to be quiet about it), the way Loki would exit the room after being with Fandral looking wild, like she could do anything.
By now Tony has stopped pretending to sleep until he hears her puttering around to join her, now he just stays up working on whatever project he has due, or feels like working on, till she sits on the sofa next to him, they order food and watch awful movies, when she falls asleep Tony can stop pretending he can't smell Fandral on her skin; he never wanted to know this much about his roommate.
His roommate... of course Fandral had to be a nice guy, of course he couldn't be an abusive prick, or an aloof douchebag, of course he was sensitive and caring, so obviously in love with his girlfriend that it made Tony want to throttle him, get up in his face and scream at him that he wasn't special, because guess what? He loves her too!
No, fuck, hold up. He doesn't love her. He's just…
Sometimes it gets so bad that he just goes bar-hopping until he's drunk enough that he doesn't care about the bad sex in filthy bathrooms with women that are- that used to be, what he wanted (but are not anymore).
Loki introduced him to her roommate a few weeks ago, maybe she's expecting them to hook up, he thinks, maybe she feels guilty about all the sex that happens in his own dorm without him being a participant.
He would've gone for her, before Loki.
Fuck.
He can't believe he turned into the kind of man that has a before and after.
He can't understand how he got into this mess, yes, it started when he saw a beautiful woman, as per usual, but it should have ended when that woman turned out to be his new roommate's girlfriend, it should have ended when he saw the genuine affection (love?) there was between them, it should've ended when Loki, in an uncharacteristic moment of vulnerability, told him she wanted him as her friend, and it sure as fuck should have ended when he started spending time with Fandral (and Thor!) unironically.
Speaking on which…
"Friend, Stark!" Thor's voice booms as he follows Fandral into the dorm, Tony smiles at him, and he's sincere about it too, it's difficult not to like the big guy.
"Hey, Goldilocks" he greets, making Thor chuckle, he never quite manages to annoy Thor as much as he annoys Loki with his nicknames.
Thor falls heavily onto the couch next to him and pats him on the back as he waves a white box in his face, "What'd you got there, then?" he asks, amused. Loki planted the idea that her brother was a golden retriever in human form, Tony can barely stop himself from patting his head every time the thought came to mind.
Thor hands the box to Tony and looks at him expectantly, it was starting to frighten him a bit, not gonna lie.
"What's in the box?! What's in the fucking box?!" he yells, Thor looks at him like he's gone insane, but Fandral only sighs and shakes his head in amused exasperation, he always takes his references like a champ.
"Vafler med brunost!" Thor says enthusiastically, as he pulls his phone out and motions for him to open it; Tony had no idea what that meant, but he smiles back and turns to Fandral for clarification, Thor tends to lose his grasp on the english language when he's excited about something, nothing excites him more than food.
"It's just waffles" Fandral laughs "Loki threatened us with bodily harm if Thor ate them all on the way here, so we can't have any until you take a picture with the package, if we want her to cook for us again, that is" he explains with a dopey smile, it always happened when he talked about Loki, he wondered if his own face took a similar look when he thought of her.
He sighs, what a motherfucking mess.
Thor looks mighty ready to pop a vein, so Tony takes pity on him and finally opens the box, finding little heart shaped waffles inside, his own heart flip-flops inside his chest as he smiles and gives a thumbs-up towards the camera.
No sooner did Thor sent the picture, he was digging in with gusto, neither Tony nor Fandral wanted to lose any fingers so they waited for their friend to be mostly done before getting their due share.
"I hadn't had these since we moved here" Fandral commented "didn't realize I missed them"
Tony only "hmm-ed" as he ate, trying not to choke with either waffles, nor guilt.
See, he was managing.
Not very well. But he was managing.