No matter how many attempts Hinata made to "relax" or "sleep in" she always seemed to awaken bright and early. She had a feeling it had something to do with the airiness of the compound rooms. The crisp morning air seemed to seep right through her blanket and into her skin as a daily morning ritual. It's not as if she had gotten a good night's sleep either. She had spent hours in and out of consciousness overthinking the meaning of each word exchanged between her and Naruto the day before. And when she wasn't doing that, she was feeling ashamed for having these feelings on the day of Neji's funeral. It's almost as if she could hear Neji sighing and shaking his head at her antics; this thought made her feel better.
Slowly, Hinata peeled back her blanket, like ripping off a bandaid and exposing herself to the slightly chilled air. Goosebumps scattered over her pale skin and she fought the urge to lie back down and just stay under her covers until the afternoon rolled around. As she padded through her room to enter into the hallway she paused for a moment to look into the mirror on her vanity. Her long dark hair spilled down to nearly her waist, it had been continually growing since the invasion of Pain, and during all the chaos she hadn't had the thought to cut it. She then noticed the twinge of purple under her eyes and consigned herself to her fate of using concealer this morning. Hinata had never been a huge fan of makeup, not because she didn't like how it looked, but because she felt she never quite knew how to apply it correctly. No matter the technique or product she used, she just felt as though she was simply masquerading as a woman when in reality she was the same wide-eyed girl who could barely squeak out a sentence.
Hinata sighed, feeling even more tired as she went through the motions of her morning routine in her bathroom. She knew it was bad to entertain these thoughts. Both Neji and Tenten had been doing their best before the war to help Hinata improve her confidence and issues regarding her appearance and Hinata didn't want to put their work to waste. So instead she applied the concealer under her eyes, brushed out her hair, and brushed her teeth.
Returning to her room, Hinata dressed in a pink sweater and flowy, long, white skirt. She had been adjusting to once again wearing civilian clothes and in doing so she discovered she liked fashion a decent amount. But she also had to stop herself from overthinking the practicality of what she was wearing. She was safe now and she didn't need to spring into action at a moment's notice anymore. But there was a persistent little part of her brain that didn't seem keen on abandoning the war quite yet.
As ready as she could be to face the day, Hinata entered the dining area of her house where Hanabi was sitting, picking away at what little remained of her breakfast.
"Good morning," Hinata said as she served herself from the grilled fish and rice platters on the center of the table. Settling herself right beside her sister.
"Mornin'," Was the garbled response that Hinata received. Hanabi still had a mouthful of rice and had her head buried in some sort of book.
"What are you up to today?" Hinata put out tentatively. She was unsure if Hanabi was looking to talk or if she wanted peace. Hinata got her answer when Hanabi paused for a moment, likely finishing the section she was on, before closing the book and sliding it to the side, out of her view.
"I have training with the team, we're going to be going over genjutsu defense today," Hanabi said with her lip jutting out slightly. Hinata knew that genjutsu didn't come naturally to the younger Hyuga. Nor did it come naturally to most Hyugas, being the taijutsu specialists that they were. Hinata herself had been fairly decent with the subject, but she mostly chalked that up to luck. But Hanabi had a penchant for wanting to be the best at everything she tried, so Hinata could understand where her pouting was coming from.
"Well, it's good that you'll be training on it. I know Kento-sensei has a knack for it," Hinata offered as reassurance. Hoping her words would encourage her sister in her efforts.
"Yeah, yeah, of course. It's just such a drag though," Hanabi now placed her head on the table, her pout intensifying tenfold. Hinata couldn't help but smile, thinking of a certain spiky-haired, shadow-wielding friend of hers. Hinata placed her hand placatingly onto Hanabi's back.
"You'll be even better than he is in no time, don't be so glum," Hanabi had only been part of a genin team since the war had ended. Before this time she was not allowed to go on missions as clan heiress because it was deemed too risky. Hinata regaining her title had come as an unexpected development for just about everybody, and Hanabi still hadn't gotten accustomed to the idea of "teamwork" and "team bonding". This also brought up the fact that Hinata herself was barred from missions effectively for the rest of her life outside of those that were political. This was a difficult concept to wrap her head around.
"What're you gonna be doing today?" Hanabi had tilted her head so her cheek was now pressed to the table and she could gaze up at Hinata.
"I'm going to lunch with a friend, but I think I'll stop by the hospital before then," Hinata purposefully kept the identity of this friend vague. She knew how much Hanabi enjoyed teasing and poking fun at her for her infatuation.
"Any cool surgeries today?" Hanabi had finally sat back upright, fully turned to engage Hinata in conversation. Hinata continued to eat as she replied.
"No, but there are some that need to be planned out and both Tsunade-sama and Sakura-san wanted my input," Hinata wasn't as good of a healer as either of the two, especially considering her skills had been picked up in the heat of the war instead of under diligent study for years like Sakura and Ino. But Tsunade realized the potential in a healer who possessed a byakugan and had decided to put Hinata to work on any surgeries that required fine levels of detail that were far easier for her to observe. She still wasn't comfortable operating on her own, however, and was regularly assisted by either Sakura or Shizune. Originally, the job had frightened Hinata a bit; healing broken bones and staunching blood flow was one thing, but reattaching nerves and chakra pathways was a whole new ballpark. But over the last few weeks, she had settled in with the encouragement she received from the other women and the patients she had treated. Hinata also felt grateful for the job; she knew that her work opportunities had been hampered by her heiress title so she was happy Tsunade had found something that she could do while remaining in the village.
"Mmm, sounds pretty boring," Hanabi sighed out, "I suppose it's time for me to head out anyways, have fun with your schedules or whatever." Hanabi sat up from the table and waved her hand over her shoulder as she exited out of the room. Hinata sometimes forgot that she was still just a kid.
She finished up her meal and put away the remaining dishes, including Hanabi's abandoned plate. Yeah, still just a kid. Hinata proceeded about her day, stopping at the hospital as she had said she would. The meeting with Sakura and Tsunade was largely uneventful. It wasn't difficult to schedule surgeries when both the girls were currently exclusively working at the hospital. Hinata's mind was preoccupied with her growing nerves over the approaching lunch with Naruto, which worsened tremendously once she returned to the compound. Hinata had realized that he asked to meet in the afternoon, and the lack of a specific time gave her a feeling of uncertainty that just set her more on edge.
As if on cue, one of the branch members alerted Hinata of Naruto's presence, "My lady, Uzumaki Naruto is here to see you."
"Yes, thank you, I'll head right over," Hinata abandoned the book she had been staring blankly at for the past hour or so. If you had asked her the title she would not have been able to tell you.
"Hello, Naruto-kun," Hinata greeted pleasantly as she stepped out of the compound gate. Her nerves seemed to lessen now that the waiting period had ended. Funny how that works.
"Heya Hinata! How've you been?" Naruto sported his signature fox-like grin. He was also dressed in civilian clothes, just a T-shirt and baggy pants. Hinata had found that she grew accustomed to seeing him with a headband on. It was almost odd to see his hair sweeping across his forehead. She still liked it though.
"I'm good, I was just at the hospital with Sakura-san and Tsunade-sama. It seems we're running out of patients to treat," This was true. The immediate urgency that followed the war had the healers up to their necks in different operations and surgeries, but now it seemed the worst had passed and the hospital was back to its usual flow.
"That's good to hear. Sakura-chan has barely had the time to even talk with me or Sasuke since we've gotten back. And Sasuke gets on my nerves after a while when she isn't there with us," Naruto said with a light pout. Hinata smiled at this, making a mental comparison to Hanabi who had sported the exact same expression earlier. "So anyways, I was thinking we could go to a cafe. I'm in the mood for sweets right now."
Hinata had to admit she was expecting him to suggest they go for ramen but she was more than happy with this surprise. A cafe meant that she could likely get herself a cinnamon roll. Hinata agreed and the two made their way into and through the village. The conversation was pretty light-hearted and surface-level. The two of them were simply catching up on each other's lives since their return.
Hinata had known that due to the role Naruto had played in the war, he was all but guaranteed a position as the next hokage. What she was surprised, and amused, to find out was that Kakashi-sensei (Hinata struggled to call him Kakashi-sama despite his new position) had been working Naruto to the bone in studying for the job. She also soon learned that Naruto never has been, and likely never will be, a fan of studying.
Hinata shared with him her job at the hospital and when she mentioned having no more missions she told him about her renewed title as heiress. He had not known beforehand, but he seemed happy that she was getting recognition from her clan again.
The two went into the cafe and Naruto opted to take one of the tables in the back corner. The place was quite empty which was to be expected. A good majority of the village was still focused on damage control, working to rebuild. After ordering some food and drinks, Naruto seemed to become progressively more nervous. Hinata could sense his knee bouncing under the table and he kept periodically scratching his cheek. Back when she was a genin, Neji had a habit of reading her moods by the slight movements of her body, until she expressed her annoyance towards him for doing so. As Hinata improved the precision of her byakugan, she also became extremely proficient in detecting body language. But she believed that even someone without her sight could pick up on his shift in demeanor. Naruto waited for a lull in the conversation before he started to explain his change in mood.
"You're probably wondering why I wanted to meet up, huh?" He said with a light smile, once again rubbing the back of his head. At least his leg was once again still.
"Yeah, I was a bit curious," Hinata offered tentatively. She could now feel her face start to color as usual and she also could feel her slight annoyance with herself. Up until this moment, she had been quite calm.
"I'm sorry that we're having this conversation so late, it's just. . ." He lowered his hand and clasped it into his other and took a deep breath before continuing, "The war got in the way, and then there were the repair efforts and all, and the funeral, and–"
"It's okay, I understand," Hinata offered a comforting smile. She was now almost completely certain what he wanted to talk to her about and she steeled herself for what the response would be.
"Hah," Naruto breathed out, relaxing back into his seat, "you're way too nice Hinata. I don't understand how you became a ninja."
"Just by luck," Hinata wanted this conversation to move faster. Expecting an answer to a confession she had made in what feels like years ago.
"During the fight with Pain, you, uh–" Naruto stammered out.
"I told you I love you," The words came out of Hinata's mouth without her even thinking about it. What an odd feeling it was, to be the calm one in this situation. Hinata wasn't sure where this confidence was coming from but she hoped it would hold.
"Yeah, you did," Naruto smiled sadly and looked down at the table as he said this. And Hinata could tell what his answer would be at this moment. But she sat there patiently, knowing he was thinking of what he wanted to say to her.
"Thank you for that Hinata. I think it was the first time anyone has told me they love me," And here comes the bad part, "But, I don't think I love you in the same way as you love me." He looked ashamed and sad as he said this. Almost as if it was a choice on his part to not reciprocate Hinata's feelings.
"I think I've always known that Naruto-kun," Hinata put forth, "but thank you for taking the time to talk to me about this." She did feel sad, truly. But there was also this feeling of tension leaving her body. Hinata had spent so many years carrying these feelings inside herself, constantly thinking about whether any of his actions implied that he felt the same. But it was truly over now, no need for those antagonizing thoughts anymore.
Naruto's head banged onto the table and he let out a groan. Yep. He looked so much like Hanabi had this morning.
"Even when I'm rejecting you you're being super nice," He looked up at Hinata, "The least you could do is yell, maybe even punch me like Sakura-chan." And that was the whole point, wasn't it? To Naruto, Hinata was Hinata and Sakura was Sakura-chan. Despite this, Hinata let out a laugh. The kind of laugh you feel with your whole body and causes you to hunch over. She did not expect this reaction from herself and neither did Naruto. "What's so funny?"
"You look just like my younger sister pouting over her genjustu training," Hinata got out between giggles, "But you're upset that I'm not trying to beat you up." After saying the whole sentence out loud Hinata's laughter was reinvigorated.
"But it would make me feel better," Naruto complained. This just made Hinata laugh harder.
"I'm not mad at you Naruto-kun, I promise," This just caused him to pout more, "I think I'm more relieved than anything now that it's all out in the open." And Hinata was being truthful. Being able to say it to him again under normal circumstances, and her outburst of laughter, seemed to have drained a lot of emotion from her body. She felt calm, but she could also feel the feeling of rejection needling at the back of her mind. She simply hoped it wouldn't hit her until she was alone again. He sighed.
"I am too, I really would like to spend more time with you Hinata," he paused, "but I can understand if that's not what you want." Hinata pondered this for a moment.
"No, I don't think I'm ready for that right now," she smiled at him, "but I think we could be good friends one day." And she meant it.
"Sounds great!" He grinned and went back to rubbing the back of his head. Hinata thought he might develop a bald spot from this tick of his. The conversation lulled after this moment, and understandably so. What do you talk about after being rejected? Hinata chose a peculiar route that likely wasn't the best option for someone in her emotional state.
"Do you think you'll try asking Sakura-chan out again?" She asked. Naruto's cheeks colored lightly and he looked askance. Hinata assumed that was the exact same expression she would make whenever other people would mention Naruto to her.
"I've thought about it," He began, "but she hasn't been too keen on it any of the other times I had asked." And in this moment a series of moments of Sakura yelling at and punching Naruto flashed through her mind. It had always been an amusing site for the Rookie 9 if not a slightly painful one for Hinata.
"Well I think you should try again," she suggested, "I have a feeling it'll go better this time around." Hinata had seen the way Sakura's behavior towards Naruto had shifted throughout the war; the lingering looks, the too-tight hugs, the way she seemed to hover nearby. Hinata hated just how perceptive her vision had become. Naruto's head smacked back down onto the table and now Hinata was no longer concerned about his theoretical bald spot but possible damage to his brain.
"And now you're giving me girl advice. You seriously need to be mean to me sometimes Hinata," he mumbled out, speaking directly into the table. Hinata simply giggled in response.
After this interaction, the two finished their food and drink. Hinata found that after this emotional release, she had become quite hungry and nearly inhaled her cinnamon roll. Naruto made a comment about how much she could eat and that was the first time he saw her angry face. The two left the cafe and Naruto walked Hinata back to the compound. Their conversation had become far more friendly and joking than it had been on their initial trip into town. It seemed as though a growing pressure between the two had finally been released.
Hinata entered the compound and continued about her day as usual. Assisting her father with clan affairs, which was more paperwork than you could imagine, and tending to the small garden she kept.
Later in the day, she joined Kiba and Shino for a couple of beers in the village. Much of their class had recently turned 18, including her team, and Kiba relished in his new-found freedoms. Hinata had discovered that she had an abnormally high alcohol tolerance, similar to her ability to eat large quantities of food easily. Shino opted to not drink after the incident that occurred the first time he tried (All three of them were banned from every single bar on the East side of the village.) She was walked back to the compound by her teammates, sporting a slight buzz. Shino assisted a heavily inebriated Kiba back towards his own house and Hinata got herself ready for bed.
Finally, in the privacy of her room, Hinata allowed herself to think about the events of the day, and the rejection sunk in. Hinata wasn't delusional or anything, truly. She had watched Naruto for years, and in this, she had been watching him watch Sakura. And she couldn't blame Naruto for this, Sakura had always been popular among their classmates. She was good at academics, her hair was always perfect, she knew how to dress well, and now she is likely one of the strongest kunoichi in Konoha. Not to mention how beautiful she is. Hinata felt awkward in comparison, constantly wearing loose clothes to try and hide her figure and simply brushing her hair and praying it looked okay. During this line of thought the tears finally came. Hinata thinks she could accept the rejection pretty easily, she had been expecting it for a while, but it's the sense of being unwanted that was tearing her apart.
Sakura and Ino were different from her. She had witnessed both of them being asked out on multiple occasions and they always seemed so sure of themselves and what they wanted. Hinata had never received the attention of a boy in that way. She knew that the attention of others isn't what defines your worth, she really does. But this fact doesn't make her feel any prettier or more desired.
Hinata resigned herself to her feelings, allowing the tears to flow instead of combating them. She let this continue until they came to a natural stop. Her eyes dried up and her body felt hollow. Emptied of all the emotions that had been piling up since she had woken up.
Hinata wanted to change. She didn't want to spend all of her time thinking badly of herself because Sakura and Ino didn't waste their time feeling sorry for themselves. With this resolution, Hinata drifted off. Planning to try harder to be who she wanted to be the next day.