He's never going to hear the end of this.
Zane had resolved that he didn't need any help, or advice, or well-meaning assistance. This was a simple task, it wasn't even that. He just needed to get himself to a venue downtown, and avoid collapsing in between. It was the sort of thing that he imagined most men of his age didn't even think twice about. Of course, this slowly winding down clock in his chest was determined to make things difficult.
At least that last part, he has covered. It's been a while since he felt faint, or that the pain within his chest had been so severe that he'd been forced to spend the day lying on his back. He can only hope that his luck will hold out today. He really doesn't want to risk spoiling things by having Alexis have to call him an ambulance, or worse – dying on her. Even by his standards, it wouldn't be terribly considerate.
It's a relief for him to discover that he still has a shirt that fits him, and a nicer one too. It hasn't been worn in quite some time, so Zane makes a point of digging out his iron, and actually manages to find the board to go with it. There are a few creases in the fabric which he needs to get rid of. It's been a while since he bothered. Looks, and personal appearances had lost their importance at some point that he can't quite remember. He doesn't want to embarrass Lexi though. She deserves a bit better. It takes him a little bit of time to get it right, but eventually, the motions come back to him. There's definitely a difference between what he's been doing to keep himself going, and what he'd once done without even thinking only a few years ago.
"You're actually taking this seriously."
He should be offended, even though he picks up on the tease there (something he's gotten used to over the years). He glances over to the phone carefully balanced on a nearby surface. Aster is looking back at him. He's in a hotel somewhere on the other side of the globe – Hungary apparently – and seems to have enough spare time to call up, and watch his old rival try to iron some clothes.
"Why wouldn't I?" Zane asks dryly. "She deserves my best – such as it is."
"You said it, not me." There's a tease behind the other man's words, he doesn't bother to punish.
Then, a pause settled in. It was the sort of awkward pause that Zane knew was leading up to something. He glances over towards the man on the other side of the world. He can clearly see that there's something on her mind, something that he's reluctant to say aloud.
"What is it?" Zane asks dryly.
"Alexis. Have you told her?" His voice is softer, more serious.
"Told her about what?"
"The operation."
That. Honestly, Zane is surprised that its taken this long for either Aster, or Atticus to bring it up. He can't help, but roll his eyes all the same. The man lets out a disgruntled grumble, letting him know that the question annoys him. It isn't enough to discourage the blue-eyed trainer, and he is only too aware that it wouldn't be enough to discourage his curiosity. It's something that there was no escaping. He stops his attempts to iron, weary least he manage to become distracted, and ruin his shirt. He lets out a sigh.
"There's nothing to tell. I'm not doing it."
"I know… But she thinks there's no hope."
"There isn't. We've had this discussion enough."
"Don't I know it, but it's a decision that you need to let her know about. Especially if you're going to start dating."
"We're not dating."
He knows it's a problem. So he goes for the easiest target. He picks at the statement which is incorrect. This isn't a date. It's a… It's two friends going out once. It doesn't mean anything. Aster doesn't react to his denial. Unfortunately, he's gotten used enough to this over the course of the past few years to no longer allow himself to be pushed to one side.
Zane distracts himself by examining his ironing work. He's actually pleasantly surprised by how well it's turned out.
"Do you like her?"
"Of course, I like her."
"Really like her I mean. Don't make me spell it out for you."
Zane gives his old friend a curious glance. He doesn't quite know what to make of all of this. Over the years, he's gotten used to Aster trying to force himself into his life. It had been unbearable at first, and then, when he'd realized that he, and Atticus were not the sort of nuisance he was going to be able to avoid, he'd learned to live with them. They'd accepted his boundaries, and life had become pretty simple. Now, here his former rival is trying to weasel his way across those lines in the sand that had been drawn so long ago.
"Why all these questions?" Zane asks dryly.
"Because this isn't like you, and I think if she hadn't meant anything to you, then you would have told her about the operation."
The bluntness catches him off-guard. He wants to argue something back, and tell Aster that he's wrong. Who is he to claim to know him after all? Zane's expression darkens, and he is sorely tempted to turn off the phone, and silence his old friend. He doesn't really know why he holds off. Maybe it's because he knows that he's at least slightly right.
Zane lets out a sigh.
"Her knowing isn't going to change anything. I'm not getting that operation."
"She should know you're choosing not to."
"What would that change?"
The silver haired man lets out an exasperated sigh. It's a rare show of frustration from the man at the other end of the phone that allows Zane to know that he's pushing things a bit far. It isn't an easy thing to rattle his old rival. He knows that much. Honestly, he's surprised that he's digging his heels in so much over this. Why does he even care? That's what he's struggling to figure out. It's not like Alexis is a close friend of his or anything. If it were Atticus he would understand… Sure enough, a few seconds later, and with a slightly more clipped tone, Aster returns to the fray:
"You're letting yourself die. Are you seriously saying that the woman you're about to go on a date with doesn't deserve to know?"
Anger takes hold. He wants to say something. To let Aster know that it's none of his damn business, and that both he, and Alexis are adults. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what she knows, and doesn't know, the outcome will be the same. He made his decision some time ago, and as far as he's concerned, there's no going back now.
"I'm dead anyway, so what's it matter?" He growls.
"It will matter to her. The same as it does to the rest of us."
"Like I told you before; it's my life. At least allow me the dignity of choosing how long it drags on for."
Aster lowers his head, solemnly accepting the decision, the same as he always does. His old rival doesn't feel any particular sense of victory. There's a hallow sensation in the pit of his stomach. Once more, he's reminded of the steadily winding down clock which is ticking away within his chest. One day, he'll run out of time. For a few seconds, he reconsiders everything, and reminds himself just why it was that he'd decided to burn bridges, and build walls.
He hesitates, and stares dumbly at the shirt as he struggles to get his thoughts together. It's so easy to be selfish, and one thing he knows is that he doesn't want to hurt Alexis… Not unless it's utterly unavoidable.
"You got her some flowers, or something at least?" Aster asks him.
"No."
"Is this a date, or what? At least get her some chocolates."
"Don't you think that's a bit much? I don't even know if she likes chocolates."
"Girls like that sort of thing."
"What do you know?"
Actually, Aster could be married with three children for all that Zane cares to keep track of such things. He tends to assume that his old friends will keep their personal lives to themselves, just as he does his own. Only Atticus takes some curious pleasure in informing him about every woman who comes in, and out of his life, but then he's been doing that for years.
Once more, Zane finds himself with doubts. This is all so much effort, so much stress. He doubts his doctor would approve of the added strain on his heart. The thought of Alexis, who will be waiting for him shortly, has a strange effect on him though. There's a warmth in the pit of his stomach. The mere memory of her is almost enough to bring a smile to his face – almost. There's something soothing about spending time with her. He can forget about the clock that's silently ticking away inside of his chest, if only for a few instants.
"I reckon I know more than you!" Came Aster's teasing voice. "When was the last time that you actually went out with a girl?"
"Does it matter?"
"You're probably out of practice."
He'd had about enough of his old rival. With an exasperated sigh, Zane turned off the phone. He knew better than to expect it to silence the man for long. No doubt he would hear back from Aster soon enough.
He's finished his ironing. His gaze remains fixed on the shirt for a while. He can't remember the last time that he wore it. In another life, his manager had told him it was important to keep up a prim, and proper appearance. One of his own style, and fashion, but certainly nothing slovenly. He'd had a lot of nice shirts back then. Now, they almost feel like a stranger's clothes. For a few seconds, he finds his motivation wavering. Aster's words play in the back of his mind. They're inescapable. Maybe this is selfish, self-indulgent… Perhaps he would be better off calling it quits before someone – namely Alexis – gets hurt.
With a sigh, he does what he can to chase such thoughts from his mind. This isn't anything serious. Just a little night out between friends. There's no reason to worry. He already knows how this ends.
For the time being, he focuses on the immediate future – not some far away date when things won't matter much to him anyhow. Alexis will be waiting for him. That thought is enough to raise his spirits.
He gets dressed, and, sends a single text: "On my way. See you soon."
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