CHAPTER NINE: Is a Bud still a Flower?
One step at a time.
That's what I promised myself.
Even if things are uncertain, don't look down.
Keep looking forward.
Keep moving forward.
Deep breaths.
Another step has been made.
Sasuke refused to look back, when he has already passed the starting line.
~ . ~
Stretching his long limbs, Naruto gave a big yawn as he gathered up all of his books and supplies. It was Monday, and Naruto had abad caseof theMondays. But he powered through. Somehow, someway, he made it out alive... well sort of.
Was he really living, if it's been officially 9 days since he's seen Sasuke? Sigh.
He had hoped to see Sasuke today.(Key word 'hoped') But with the ending of the day fast approaching and his last class of the day hot on his heels, he had resigned himself to not see dark strands and that stupid(cute)indifferent stare on today.
His bad case of theMondayswent from bearable to almost unbearable as each class passed. He actually was planning to ditch his last class but unfortunately he was spotted, on his way towards getting the hell out of dodge, by one of the most noisy andweird as fuckteachers the school had to offer, Mr. Hatake.
The man wasunusualfor a few reasons:
(Should I count the ways?)
One:The man always had a"notebook"in his hand, but it was obvious he was using the book to hide what he wasreallyreading. Some say the novels Mr. Hatake were read behind that notebook were down rightfilthy. Naruto could vouch for it, he had peeked over his Sensei's shoulder once while turning in a test and caught the words:thrust, stroke, and moist.All on one corner of the page.
Two:He was always seen wearing a mask, which made Naruto feel like there was something even weirder happening with him. It was suspicious that his face always remained hidden, was his face really that atrocious that it had to be covered up so thoroughly? Or maybe the man was an assassin or a ninja or something.
Wait, do ninjas really exist?
Naruto couldn't help the thought of picturing Mr. Hatake in a ninja outfit looking all cool before pulling down his usual mask to reveal big oversized buck teeth or maybe outrageously big fat lips.
"Pfft. Fuck, that's too funny."
"What's too funny?" The man appeared out of no where, making the thought that he was a ninja or an assassin even more plausible. Naruto found himself giving an exasperated huff as he was herded into his classroom like a little lost sheep.
Damn it.
The third and final point:The man was stealthy and nosy as hell, which was a deadly combo. That was the combo that always got Naruto caught in the end. He was just no match for his weird white haired sensei, so he gave up trying to flee and resolved himself to sticking through his very last class.
Kami, I feel like my ears are bleeding. Is this what dying feels like?
Naruto gave a sigh, but was kicked in the shin by Sakura who was sitting right next to him. He received a mumbled "drama queen" and a glare for good measure from her. He gave the pink harpy a subtle middle finger salute and went back to doodling in his note book.
The class from hell lasted for 2 hours, Naruto couldn't fathom how he was ever able to make it through the class at the end of each Monday.
The only saving grace about the class and the man, was that he was laid back and also a pretty good teacher. He had a way of explaining things that just always seemed to stick with Naruto.
What does that say about me?
The class ended, and Naruto found himself releasing another loaded yawn. His head landing on his desk in exhaustion as he heard the sounds of his classmates feet scurry around him. He hadn't been sleeping very well, his mind on other things, racing through the nights.
Shifting from his seat, Naruto casually went over a check list for the rest of his day as his eyes glazed over.
Smoke a fat joint, watch some anime, and maybe if I feel like it, do some homework and jack off before bed.
Yup, that was what was in the cards for him.
Well it was in the cards, until he found himself walking out of the door and seeing something that caused him to make a dying chicken sound that was far too loud and pitchy to be unnoticed or unheard.
Naruto found himself thankingKamithat the hallway was practically empty, just a few stragglers here and there. He had planned it that way, taking his sweet time coming out of the room, hoping that the lot wouldn't be too crowded by the time he zoomed out of the parking lot in his (piece of shit)car.
"Sasuke? You- what are- Hey!" Naruto gave himself a face palm, he couldn't believe he sounded like such an sound of Sasuke chuckling met his ears, causing Naruto's eyes to shift toward the sound with razor sharp focus.
I've missed the sound of him.
"Hey. Are you free?" Sasuke asked with a tilt of his head.
"Yeah! Yeah- if I had known you were waiting for me I wouldn't have taken so long. Hehe- What are you doing here?"
"You told me to come and find you."
All he could see was Sasuke, all he could hear was Sasuke. And the fact that he had him back in his presence, made Naruto feel like he could breathe for the first time since that Saturday in the back of Sakura's Closet. Naruto nodded, not being able to trust his own voice.
I would hate to make that weird chicken sound again.
Two sets of shoes side by side as they walked, footprints leaving an invisible trail through their trekking.
Silence lingered between the two men as they made their way through the halls, down the cracked shitty steps, and through the quad. Naruto was about to head to his car, not really sure of the game plan, but he was stopped.
Stopped in his tracks by Sasuke's fingertips lightly gripped his sleeve with a slight tilt of the head. The gesture lead him toward the side of the school through a thicket of trees, that Naruto never once thought,hey I want to walk through that.But here he was, making his way through trees, some branches scratching him a bit as they hiked through.
"I got your letter."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I- Naruto?" The dark haired male sounded pained as he spoke, a slight edge of hysteria peeking through the syllables of his name.
"What is it?"
Feet stopping in its tracks, the edge of a large unkempt field came into few. But Naruto didn't see the overgrown weeds, or the dragonflies buzzing around. He didn't see the tall overgrown branches, causing deep shaded shadows to swallow them whole. All he could see was,
"Sasuke? Please talk to me."
"I- Naruto. I'm scared."
Him.
"Me too."
"Really?"
Just him. It was all blue eyes could see.
"A little. I just... I've never felt the way I feel about you for anyone else." Naruto found himself growing embarrassed, his cheeks growing warm as he scratched at his neck sheepishly.
"Same."
The air felt more breathable, Sasuke seemed to find himself taking deeper, smoother breathes, his feet moving over to a large boulder. Naruto did what he always found himself doing, following behind him, chasing him, wanting to be near the man in any capacity.
The two were once again swallowed up in silence. The hard stone felt hot under their skin, but neither felt the need to move or adjust. Naruto could see Sasuke's hands fidgeting out of the corner of his eye.
"It's okay, Sasuke. Just talk to me."
The words caused fumbling hands to still, his lungs expanding in an inhale before releasing all the pent up tension. His shoulders dropped in the exhale, his head turning in his direction, with eyes shinning in determination.
"There's a part of me that wants to open up, but I'm afraid that if I do, you'll leave me. I know that I can't stay closed up and hidden forever. I know that if I want something I have to allow myself to be vulnerable, but every time I think about sharing everything...I- I feel myself clam up. My throat closes- and my anxiety spikes..."
Sasuke was once again edging closer and closer to hysteria, his hands shaking as his voice grew more sharped and pitched. Naruto found himself moving before he could think, his larger hands landing to cup around Sasuke's shaking lean digits.
"Then take your time... even if it takes hours, days, weeks- hell, I'm not going anywhere."
"You say that now."
The feeling of warm skin on warm skin, the sensation of something new was bubbling around them. The two didn't need to speak to feel the shift.
"You'll grow tired of me."
"Never."
Sasuke needs time, and Naruto had plenty to give. He would give it all to Sasuke, if he asked, because he deserved it. Every ounce of it.
Naruto could see the moment when Sasuke stilled himself, slowly opening up centimeter by centimeter, not quite a bloom, but more like a bud preparing to sprout.
It wasn't fully open, but who's to say this bud isn't a flower too?
~ Flashback ~
His knees were knobby and shaking, his pale green fingertips gripping his knee caps in fright. He could feel the sting of his nails biting into his skin.
"It will be okay, Otuto."
"We will love you no matter what! You will always be my little tomato."
"Be brave son."
Sure, it's easy for them to say that, when they weren't the ones in the hot seat.
But they've been here before.
Sasuke's mind sassed back, reminding him that every single person inside of this haven has gone through this... uh- process? Sure, we could call it that. What Sasuke wanted to call it was a living hell, but at the tender age of 12, he was pretty sure his mother would have a heart attack hearing language like that leaving his lips.
"Haa"
Sasuke felt an overwhelming weight of exhaustion as it sat in the hot seat.
Waiting.
Just waiting.
Today was considered one of the most important days in a young faeries life. Today, Sasuke Uchiha was about to get sorted, and every sense of the word made him anxious.
Faerie Classification Ceremony or the FCC. Whoopee. (Cue in sarcasm)
From what Sasuke could remember in his classes, the FCC was a way to rank a faerie when it came as classifying were each Faerie was placed. He was informed at a young age that each faerie got three ceremonies in their lifespan that was considered standard and practically mandatory.
The first is when you're too young to remember, usually done after a year of being born as a seedling.
It is a simple ceremony.
The haven's healer and our leader Mother, also known as Mother Ruth, takes a small sample of blood from the young seedling. It is a private ceremony with just the immediate family and the two trusted members. In the ceremony you are told your type, your weight, and a break down of genetics aka your Faerie type.
For example, Sasuke is an earth faerie who has an earth faerie mother and a fire faerie father.
His Mother is technically 70% earth and 30% fire, making her a bit more unique than just a usual earth faerie.
His father was even more unique with both earth faerie parents, both parents with fire and water genetics in their lineage. His Father is technically 55% fire, 40% earth, 5% water, which was quite a mix of the elements.
During that ceremony, Sasuke was informed that he was an earth faerie, 80% earth and 20% fire.
His mother always enjoyed telling Sasuke and Itachi about their first ever ceremony and how their parents, as well as the haven, celebrated.
"Mother Gaia loves you, precious one."
"May Mother Gaia bless you."
It was said to be normal for all of the faeries to celebrate a new life, as well as a new faerie in their mist, no matter the type. Every seedling was titled a blessing, every seedling was given great love as they grew before the haven's very eyes.
The second ceremony was the FCC, the current situation that Sasuke was currently in. In this ceremony, you were once again reminded of your genetics, which Sasuke thought was a bit too repetitive but he was informed by his mother that some faeries do change their type as they age towards and through maturity, and sometimes their percentage can go up or down.
"I had a friend who was born an earth faerie, but ended up turning into a water faerie in her later years once she presented after getting her results from her FCC. Anything can happen, we are indeed magical creatures!" His mother said with a shuffle of his hair.
Magical?
Sasuke wasn't feeling very magical, in fact he felt like he was going to throw up.
"Sasuke Uchiha?"
This was it. It was time for him to get properly sorted.
He had asked his family not to come, but he knew they were close by, most likely lurking in the trees. He knew they would be ready to get an update on Sasuke as a faerie. He couldn't fault them for wanting to be apart of Sasuke's continuous journey as a faerie. They are his family and his biggest supporters.
Once again, blood was drawn from him, but this time, instead of just explaining the blood, the healer gave him a warm smile. She took his blood carefully, dropping the streaming rich liquid into a pot that looked empty and ancient.
Sasuke expected to hear thesplatthat usually is made when a liquid is poured into an empty container, but he was meet with no sound. Just silence. The lack of sound was starting to become alarming and he found himself trembling once more.
The woman stood before the pot calmly, her hands hovered over the pot. Sasuke couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the pot began to move in a slow spin as if someone was stirring the pot rhythmically by invisible hands. The ancient pot made slight creaking sounds as it moved, the unjust sound causing Sasuke's ears to ring, the sound of metal screeching in every rhythmic turn.
"Blessed Mother Gaia, grant me the power to see." The older woman said, her eyes closed as her hands began to shake. Sasuke felt like a bubble was forming over them, that they were being engulfed by something other worldly. He was starting to feel like he was running out of air.
He could no longer hear the sounds from outside.
No birds chirping,
no frogs croaking,
no crickets singing,
no children laughing.
All he could hear is the loud pounding of his heart and the metal screech, ringing in his ears.
What the hell is this?
The shaking hands over the pot glowed a soft yellowish green light, and as her eyes popped open, her eyes had the same color, glowing irises looking back at Sasuke. He felt like he was in a trance, he couldn't look away. He didn't know that his eyes were also shimmering, matching the older woman's strange glow.
"Let us see." The woman's voice was no longer soft but firm, it was heavy like a raging sea and smooth like the warmest patch of grass.
Sasuke felt his knees stop shaking in an instant, his shoulders shifting and swaying. He was no longer tense, he was no longer scared. A overwhelming calm fell over him.
All he felt was warmth and whole. The warm sensation was enveloping him entirely, like he was being wrapped in the warmest of hugs.
And just like that, information rained down on his mind, running through his membrane as if the woman was speaking to him, but her lips were not moving. No sound was filtering through.
Did everyone's ceremony go like this? Why did they not warn me?
One minute he was receiving information at maximum speed, too fast, too reckless, and the next he was blinking and slamming back into his reality. His lungs expanding with the desperate need to be filled up once more.
Mom? Dad?
"Did you have any question, my dear?" The healer asked, her voice soft and light like air, her head tilted in a sweet manager as she made her way over to a sink, washing her hands in a soothing manor. Sasuke's vision felt spotty, his head felt like it was spinning, and his heart was pounding fiercely in his chest as if it was trying to break free.
Niii-san?
Sasuke opened his mouth, and nothing came out. The sound of gasping, choking was filling the space, and before he could stop himself, his voice came back in full affect.
No one warned me!
He could hear feet running, shouts of his name, and someone screaming. The calls of his name were low but growing louder, but the screaming was so loud and pitched it was drowning out the sound of his name.
Sa- screeching -uke
Screaming- suke
The screaming sounded like something out of a horror movie, raw and painful. Like an animal in its final moments. Like something that was about to kneel over and die.
It took him too long to realize that the shouts of his name were coming from his family, and even longer for him to realize that the screaming was coming from inside of him.
~ . ~
There was a weird thick metallic taste in his mouth, his eyes felt heavy. Sasuke took silent inventory of his body, and he felt like he just got flatlined by a semi truck. He tried lifting his arm, but it seemed his limbs weren't operating at his will.
"Don't try to move too much. You will feel better soon." A voice said, it was a sweet voice, almost angelic with a soft coo. His eyes shifted, and he saw her.
Curly hair, wild and so voluminous like her hair was made as a halo or a crown. Her skin was a rich brown with soft patches of highlights, the color of pale teal that would bounce off the sunlight. Her eyes were greenish blue, the two colors mixing into her shinning irises. Her curly strands were dark brown at the roots but as they traveled down, bouncy curls were highlighted with vibrant pale blues and pale greens.
She was truly an unworldly beauty.
"Where am I?" Sasuke coaxed himself to speak, his tongue still feeling lazy and fat inside of his mouth.
"You blacked out."
Sasuke realized at that time that he did know the young girl. She looked familiar but he wasn't quite sure were to place her in his jumbled brain.
"Who are you?" He found himself asking urgently, forcing his body to move to a stand, but he could feel the strain in his muscles. As much as he wanted to, he could not move.
I guess this is how I die.
"Just relax. Okay?"
That's when he realized that soft fingers had been roaming through his hair like a charm. He could feel his eyes begin to droop, as if he was getting lured to sleep by this unknown girl. There was something about the touch, the rhythm of the strokes, everything about it felt so healing. He was being charmed, and instead of being alert, he could feel himself drift.
Stay awake!
Shift by shift, shoulders loosening, eyebrows releasing, Sasuke found himself relaxing even if the sweet voice didn't tell him to. He could see the blue sky, the clouds fluffy and large over head, he could feel the sun peeking through tree branches, the wind ruffling the leaves.
"Can you-" Sasuke found himself wincing at the sound of his own voice. It was the first time he realized that he sounded very hoarse and gravelly. The tinge of soreness in the back of his throat making itself known.
"Tell you what happened?" The girl asked sweetly. Lean feminine hands were still gliding along his strands softly, a slow and methodical rhythm that made Sasuke feel less anxious and more soothed.
"I was scared for you." Her voice was no longer sweet, instead it was fragile, it didn't sound fluffy like those clouds anymore, but more like clouds that have been broken up and fragmented to evaporate.
"I heard you screaming. I know we didn't know each other very well, but I heard your cries and I felt like you needed someone."
Like I needed someone?
Sasuke couldn't recall what he was thinking during that time. All he could recall is the fear that creeped up his veins that left him feeling cold, and how information just popped into his head like a bubble. He remembered his anxiety running rapid, but he also remembered the terrible feeling of betrayal.
Why didn't they tell me?
"You ran out after you got your results. I don't blame you really. That ceremony was-"
"Nerve racking, weird, and creepy as fuck." Another voice chimed in from the opposite direction the young girl sat. Sasuke didn't even realize that another figure was sitting on the other side of his head where it rested on the young girl's lap.
"Who is-"
"Deidara! At your service." The boy bowed dramatically causing Sasuke's eyes to widen at the sudden burst of energy. His features reminded him so much for his father, the red tint, the glowing maroon deep red eyes, the only difference being the blond strands gathering at the roots, his younger appearance, and physique. He didn't find the fire faerie genetics scary as he once did, instead he found them comforting.
Father?
Sasuke felt a lump form in his throat when he thought about his family. He didn't mean to react that way, he hoped that he hadn't embarrassed them.
I'm always letting them down.
But still...
"Dei I told you to be quiet or you were going to scare him."
"Please. He doesn't scare easily. Right Sasuke?"
Turning to take in the boy, it was obvious from appearance that he was a bit older then himself and the girl, but not by much. He still seemed younger than his older brother, Itachi.
Ally or foe?
He hadn't decided yet.
"Hn."
"Anyway, before this idiot beside me cuts me off again-" The young girl spoke once more, her eyes narrowing in the direction of the boy.
Sasuke couldn't help the small quirk at the corner of his lips. He found the duo a bit amusing, even though he had just met them in such an absurd situation.
"Hey!" The boy, Deidara cried, but the girl continued on as if she couldn't hear him. Her eyes taking in Sasuke as she gave her hand a dismissive wave in the fire faerie's direction.
"The ceremony was scary, it honestly made me so uncomfortable and I wished that my Mother would have warned me about it."
"Yeah, it sucks, but apparently all parents and family members are "informed" to not "warn" their children before hand, because it would cause them to not want to complete the ceremony, since it's mandatory. But I think it's bullshit-"
"Dei!"
"It is! I don't think there is anything wrong with just talking to your child to give them a heads up. Like 'hey this weird woman that seems like Mother Theresa is going to do some weird magical shit to you, but don't worry, all of the info you need will be downloaded into your brain like you're a faerie computer or some shit."
"Dei!"
"Don't Dei me, we both know that you agree with me." Sasuke's head moved back and forward like a ping pong match. The duo was truly amazing. The boy simply looked at her with an all knowing smirk while the girl gave a huff, crossing her arms.
"Fine. You're right. I do." The girl said with a smirk before poking out her tongue mockingly, her lips forming a carefree laugh.
Are these two... together?
Sasuke didn't have the patience to go down that rabbit hole. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to know them moving forward after this encounter. He just wanted to get to the bottom of what happened while he was out cold.
"That's all fine and dandy but how did I end up here?" Sasuke could hear the impatience in the snapping of the syllables as he spoke. He would have tried to be more nicer if he cared.
"Right! Sorry, sorry- I saw you run off. The adults tried to catch you, but I think you were so far in your head that you might have saw them as the enemy, because man you sure can run. It took me a while, but I was able to finally find you. When I got here you were already face down in the grass and gasping as if you were going to have another panic attack."
"I see."
"Actually Dei found you a few seconds before I did. He was watching over you from the trees."
"Yeah, I'll be honest. I was afraid to touch you because I didn't want to trigger you in some way." The man didn't look in his direction as he spoke. His pink hands moving a lady bug from one spot to a few feet away, so he could lay across the space with an indifferent shrug.
He didn't want to trigger me?
Sasuke didn't know how he felt about that. He found himself mulling it around on his tongue, and he found that he didn't like it, but he did appreciate the effort and the thought behind it. He could at least admit that to himself.
He took in the two of them, the young girl giving him a soft hopeful smile, while the guy was scratching the back of his head, his face toward the sun without a care in the world.
Ally or Foe?
He was still toggling back and forward on the two.
"Thank you Deidara and uh-
"Oh sweet Mother Gaia, I forgot to give you my name. It's Norelle. Nice to meet-cha!" The young girl said with a big toothy grin, her hands extending to Sasuke in enthusiasm. His lips moved at the corners, his mouth grinning back at her. Her enthusiasm felt contagious.
"So... were the results really that bad?" And like a poof of smoke, his grin dropped from his lips.
"Dei!" The girl, Norelle, swiped at Deidara's knee, causing the boy to groan at the impact.
"What! I'm curious."
"Yeah, well, curiosity killed the cat, you know!" She said with a grumble, Sasuke once again found himself chuckling at the two. His shoulders relaxing even further, even with the information he was presented with.
Can I trust these two?
"My results were... ahh different than what I thought I would get."
"You don't have to share it with us if you don't want to. Please do not feel obli-"
The results. Sasuke had tried his best to forget all about the results, but they still displayed in his mind like a blinking red light. He couldn't run from them even if he wanted to.
"I am an earth faerie, I'm now 90% earth, 10% fire. I am also listed on the reproductive scale as +10 and the uh- download said that within a few years I will be closer to +15. Which means-"
"You're just like me!" Norelle said with a soft smile.
Sasuke appreciated the gesture, he could tell that she was trying to sooth his worries once again. He couldn't believe he was just told at the age of 12 that he would soon have the capabilities to be able to reproduce.
I could one day have a seedling... This is so unreal.
"But I always assumed I was more toward the masculine side instead of the feminine side when it came to the reproductive scale. I was sure I would be more negative than positive, but I'm just over the cusp of positive and as I age, I will be going more and more into the positives which means that I will experience-"
He couldn't even open his mouth to say those words. He felt low, he felt depleted. Honestly, he didn't know how to feel when he got the results. Part of him felt confused, another felt like his life was over, and the last little scrapes of himself, felt like he was no longer going to be himself anymore.
He was no longer just Sasuke, now he was Sasuke who could-
Ugh.
"Bloom. It's okay to say it." Deidara said with a smirk, his eyes cutting over to him, making him feel uneasy.
"Sorry, he could be a bit insensitive sometimes." Norelle said with an uneasy chuckle.
"It's easy for you to say, but I don't like this. I didn't ask for this. I feel like..." Sasuke found himself being able to move, his limbs no longer feeling heavy but light. Light as a feather.
"Let me guess, you feel like you're no longer yourself. Like you have a new added weight that you can't even ignore or remove, even if you wanted to? Do you feel like the eyes that are on you now, are going to be different? Because they will be-
"Dei-"
"As you get older and actually start blooming, people will start looking at you expectantly. They'll say shit like "Sasuke, your bloom is so lovely" and they'll expect you to be gracious. Sure, blooming comes with being treated like royalty, you're never assaulted or mistreated in the sexual sense, but it sure does come with rules, with too many needs, and people expecting you to be round to pop out seedlings at every turn of the moon once you reach of age."
"Dei! Stop it-
"What? I'm just telling Sasuke that I get it-
"How would you possible get-
"Because I'm living it. I'm just like you too." Deidara smile was wide, almost antagonizing, but his eyes looked dewy and sad, water riming the lids.
"You know... I'm closer to that last "ceremony" than you are. Hell, I just had my first bloom a week ago." The blond man with maroon-y red streaks and a big carefree smile, seemed deflated and his smile strained. His lips quivered in his smile, his eyes looked heavy, and his skin seemed even more prominent as if he is always on display.
Will I look like this? Feel like this in a few years?
"I know it feels like life sucks right now. But I promise you this. One day, you'll see it as a blessing from Mother Gaia. It might not be today, or the next day, hell it might not even be a few years from now. But one day- it will hit you square in the fucking chest- and you'll be thankful. Isn't that fuckin' wild? You'll thank your lucky stars that you got the blessing to create a new life, with this body."
Deidara placed his hand on Sasuke's trembling pale green hands, that's when Sasuke realize, his hands weren't the only ones trembling. Norelle's hand landing on top of the other two men, her warm brown skin melting over soft pinks and soft greens.
"Has that day come for you yet?" Sasuke found himself asking softly. He was almost afraid of the answer.
"Not yet, but I'll tell you when it does."
"You better tell me too, or I swear to Gaia, I will kick your ass!"
"I promise." Deidara says with a playful push of his shoulders against hers.
"I promise too!" She replied back, all her teeth on full display, glistening in the sunlight.
Looking at their hands, Sasuke realized his hands had stopped shaking at some point. His throat no longer felt raw and tinged with blood.
Huh.
"Sasuke?"
"What says you?"
Ally or foe? Ally or foe?
"I promise too."
The trio made a pack, they made a deal. From that day, they grew closer. It become them against the world, until the world got the better of them.
Sasuke never thought a day would come where they would have to show their real loyalty. But that day did come, and it almost ruined him.
~ . ~
I don't know why I even try?
Damp highlighted green strands hung over his sweaty face. His body felt like it was shivering one minute but boiling the next. He felt terrible, like he was on the verge of death. The sound of skin ripping at his spine, was stuff nightmares were made out of.
Why do I keep trying?
He felt himself give a grunt in pain, but he also felt numb to any reactions his body would give. His mother stayed by him, the two in a field that reminded him of when he was a child.
"I know it hurts my little tomato. I know." His mother would coo, her fingers running through his sweaty strands as he twitched and groan. He had been in this feverish haze, this mind numbing pain for two days now. His back felt itchy, and his mind felt like it was going to melt and leek out of his ears.
"Mom." His lips moved in a croak, his mind wasn't even cognitive anymore. He tried to reach toward the cup of water that sat near by but lost the strength. His lips and tongue felt dry and rough.
"I know baby. I know." His mother cooed, bringing the cool fresh water to his chapped lips.
Sasuke never wanted to bloom again. He never wanted to experience this heat ever again. As he drifted off, he could have sworn he heard his mother whisper,
"Welcome to adulthood."
~ . ~
Sasuke had spent almost 3 months ducking and hiding from the duo. Part of him felt bad, but the larger part of him just couldn't handle anyone else.
The self hatred he had adopted was starting to consume him. He hated his blooms, hated that he was abnormal. Hated that his family made it seem like everything was okay, when he constantly felt like he was on fire.
He hated the looks, he hated how whenever he left his home, his stupid bloom brought attention. He hated more than anything when someone's hand would reach out and touch his petals. And someone was always trying to talk to him now, as if he was someone important, when before he started to bloom they didn't even glance in his direction.
Older eyes, younger eyes, red eyes, blue eyes, familiar green eyes.
Eyes, eyes, eyes.
Sasuke felt like he was being buried alive under all this unwanted attention. Like he couldn't even breathe with so many eyes on him.
And because he was emitting so much anxiety, the trees and flowers would move to comfort him, or sway to allow the sun to beam along his pale green skin. Sasuke was conflicted. He enjoyed the comfort, making him feel truly understood and loved, but "it" to brought additional unwanted attention.
"Did you see that?"
"He isn't even a pure earth faerie! How was he able to do that?"
"I wonder what he looks like in bloom."
"I saw him once, his bloom was small but breathtaking. I bet its going to look stunning when he..."
Eyes, eyes, eyes met chatter, chatter, chatter.
He was now no longer being just buried by unwanted attention, he was being suffocated by whispered words.
It was all just becoming too much.
It was just like a few years ago with missy, with those humans.
This is how it all started.
~ . ~
Another month had passed, and then another.
He knows that Norelle and Deidara were just trying to help. Giving him tomatoes, taking him to see the waterfalls near by, or another part of the forest that was more secluded. They tried bringing him wines, and at one point Deidara even brought some rolled up weed saying it would help him relax.
Attention.
Attention.
Positive or negative.
It was still attention, and right now, Sasuke didn't want anything or anyone.
He just want to...be.
So he shut himself away. Even when he wasn't in bloom. He couldn't shake the paranoia, the stress of responsibilities and the expectations. He was also still trying to come to terms with this new adjustments to his body.
He had bloomed 3 times so far, and each time had been more painful than the last, but he kept trying. He kept believing that maybe one day he would be able to look into a stream and not hate himself.
That one day, like Deidara said, he will thank his lucky stars for being able to create a new life with this body.
This body.
Sasuke found himself clenching his chest as tears flowed down. His heart felt broken, because he knew that he would never be satisfied with this body. He knew that deep down, that he would never be able to embrace this undesirable genetics.
Deidara said one day.
"Tch. Not likely."
But right now, at this moment.
It was all just too much.
Trying to figure out his blooms, dealing with his blooms, and understanding them.
It had been months now, and It's still suffocating me.
The questions.
The worries.
The concerns.
He just wanted to be alone. He wanted to only hear his heart beat and nothing more. He couldn't even handle the way Norelle's eyes would shine as she gave him one last look as the trio separated each time. He couldn't handle how the two would exchange looks of worry and concern.
The looks of love, longing, of wishing the two could help in some way, but all it did was make Sasuke feel worst.
Walking, talking piece of trash.
That's what he had become.
It wasn't anything new.
~ . ~
"I can't believe it! We all have officially bloomed! Kyaaahhhh! We should get matching tunics." Norelle said with a giggle, her hair piled on top of her head in a mess bun. Actually they all were rocking a messy bun due to the sweltering heat.
"You know faeries don't wear clothes."
"Hush!" She said with a swat of her hands, her lips releasing a cackle as Deidara chimed in with a chuckled, "bunch of sluts".
The trio found themselves sitting by a cool refreshing lake, one that many faeries enjoyed frolicking at. But the trio was able to nab a secluded spot, one that was shaded and slightly hidden under some swaying willows.
"You know... we are taking up a really good hookup spot." Deidara said with a smirk, his body laying along the shaded grass with his legs knee deep in the lake.
"Ew gross."
"Just saying. This spot is pretty pop-u-larrrrr. I was just here a few days ago with-"
"Please spare me!" She said with a groan, her hands covering her ears. While pink hands reached, water splashing towards the surface as Deidara rose from his laid position to try and pry hands away.
The two giggled, water splashing as they taunted each other. Green glowing eyes watched as the two continued on, nothing changing within their dynamic. Sasuke found himself feeling something disgusting creeping along his heart, he felt a shiver of loneness.
How can I feel so lonely while I'm hanging out with other people?
Sasuke gave himself a shake, but the feeling never left him. He could hear their laughter, feel the stray water droplets trailing down his skin, but he felt like he was watching from the outside looking in.
Isn't this how it always is?
The bitter thought caused his shoulders to grow stiff, his head drooping allowing his messy bun to unravel.
Humans? Faeries? Does it even matter?
Sasuke could feel his fingers beginning to shake from the strain, he wanted to pull out all his strands, wanted to shed everything that made him a faerie. But what would it matter?
I've always been the black sheep, the odd one out.
It didn't matter. He knew that no matter where he went, what he was, he would never be acknowledged, never be seen as anything more than a freak.
"So, how have you been Sasuke."
Sasuke found himself trying to refocus, his vision felt splatted and distorted. He really didn't know why he let them drag him along, when they invited him out. He hadn't seen them for months, and now he knew why.
"Sorry I don't speak moody emo boy."
"Dei"-
"What! I'm worried okay."
I should have stayed hidden.
He didn't feel like pretending he was okay.
He didn't feel like gracing anyone with a smile.
But he also didn't feel like talking about it, and definitely didn't feel like showing all his fears.
So fake smiling it is.
But his lips probably looked more like a grimace than a smile.
"There's no need to worry"-
"I'm worried too." Hands, soft hands, feminine hands, hands that sooth, landed on his clenching fist.
"Norelle."
Sasuke couldn't bare the touch, so he shook off the gesture. He could hear the small noise of discontentment that left her lips, he could hear the shift of Deidara moving closer to him, as if he wanted to help in some way.
Why did I come here?
"Sasuke."
Words leaving lips like a prayer.
"Sasuke please."
It was too much, he wanted to slam his palms on his ears! He wanted to scream 'La la la la la- I can't hear you' to push it all away.
"Look, Sasuke." He couldn't lift his head, he couldn't met her gaze, but still her voice continued, waving a sweet tone that was unfortunately like music to his frazzled nerves.
"I know Deidara didn't express this well, but what I'm sure he was trying to say was that. We love you, and we care about you, and-"
"Tell me which bitch hurt you, and I'll fuck their shit up."
"Dei!"
"I will. You know I don't play about you or Sas! So who did it, who needs to get their asses kicked in the name of Mother Gaia"-
"It was nothing." He could hear the retort and disbelief in the air, even though no words had been spoken.
It's not their fault that I was labeled as a freak. That we are all just a bunch of inhuman freaks gathering in the woods.
"I'm fine."
"No you're not-" Deidara's words were hot and bitter, the sound rippling over the calming water like a storm. He could hear the impatience, could hear the frustration, but Sasuke wished he couldn't hear the pain that it was laced with.
"Dei. Stop it." Norelle hissed, her voice sounding just as vicious as Deidara's, if not more. Sasuke had never heard either of them sound this way, never heard Deidara care this deep or Norelle fight this hard.
But still...
Silence flowed between the trio, Sasuke didn't need to look up to know that the two were sharing a look of concern. The sigh that Deidara releases is like lava, causing the air to steam, the sound puffing out of him like some kind of mythical dragon.
The two shifted making Sasuke in the middle, one hot and one cooler than his own temperature sat on either side of him.
"Just know. That if you ever need us. We are here for you." Norelle was the first to break the silence, her head landing on Sasuke's shoulder, her hand giving his shaking fist a gentle squeeze.
"I know I can be a bit of an asshole, but I do love you. You mean such a great deal to me. Just- whatever you need. I'm there. Okay?" Deidara said slowly, his voice sounding more calm than the earth faerie has ever heard it. He felt Deidara's hand land on his opposite shoulder, his other landing on top of both Sasuke and Norelle's, pink hands giving a gentle squeeze.
"Time. Just give me time." Sasuke could barely hear is on voice, but the request was released into the gentle warm breeze.
I'm trying. I'm really trying.
"Take all the time that you need." The two hugged him close, Sasuke hated that he could feel a deep rooted sob at the back of his throat. He wish he could let go of the pain, he wish he could move on from the trauma, but it haunts him even in his sleep.
"So, would you two like to finally hear about the Bloom of Passage?" Deidara said suddenly, an attempt to change the tension in the atmosphere between friends.
"Oh Mother Gaia, I forgot that you had yours. How... was it?" Norelle said as if she was afraid to ask.
"I see why faeries never wear clothes now."
"What!"
"Yup, they have officially made me a full blown slutty slut." The fire faerie says with a smirk that so devilish that even Sasuke had to say something.
"Dishonor."
"Now hold on Sasuke!"
"No dishonor on your whole family, dishonor on your pet cat."
"Leave fluffy cakes out of this!"
The three found themselves laughing once again. Sasuke hadn't laughed with them in months, and for the first time he didn't feel like he was outside looking in.
"So... you're a slut now." Norelle said as if she was stating a fact.
"Guilty. Honestly, it was just one big faerie orgy."
"Ugh." Sasuke and Norelle both found themselves making the same sound, while Deidara cackled letting down his messy bun, blond red strands billowing, catching in the rare breeze.
"I'm talking naked faerie asses everywhere you look."
"Sounds stressful." Sasuke said with a shutter.
"Sounds taxing." Norelle said with a groan.
"Oh yes. It was both." Deidara said with a brush of his hair from his shoulder.
Sasuke found himself getting tense from something else entirely.
You're next.
He really didn't want to think about having to do it. Having to be in bloom, and frolicking(fucking)with the other unmated and interested faeries of the haven.
Two more years. Just two years, for me to do the Bloom of Passage.
"I feel like I'm going to be sick."
~ Present ~
"It actually took a long time before I hung out with them again. I had a lot of self issues, abandonment issues, and yeah- a lot to work through."
Sasuke found himself chuckling at his past self. His pain was real, his issues were real, but the fact that he thought his friends didn't love him, now that was laughable.
"I'll be honest, I was embarrassed to go back to them after so much time had passed. So I just..." He could feel the creases of his eyes crumble, he found himself wanting to run and apologize to the two again for how he treated them. But he knew the action would just make Deidara annoyed that he was still living in the past, and would make Norelle want to hug him and weep over him like he was a little lost kitten.
Never mind.
"Really? But I thought you and Dei-" Sasuke found himself laughing, even though he felt remorseful for his past actions. He could hear Dei's sassy voice in his head telling him to"Damn, let it go".
"Oh yes, I forgot you met him- I'm still mad at him for that. But to answer your question. I didn't go back, but something happened that- I just couldn't ignore them any longer- It's a bit complicated."
Naruto gave a smile that was soft like cotton, the kind of smile that reach his eyes causing them to crinkle. Sasuke could feel his own self softening around the edges, his lips tugging at the corners as Naruto gave his head a tilt. It was as if he was waiting for more story, as if he was a cat filled with curiosity.
"Another story for another day." Sasuke said with his own tilt of the head, his face taking in the setting sun. The air was warm, the sun held a beautiful intense orange glow, and Sasuke felt like he had released a huge burden from off of his chest. He felt new, as if he was reborn.
Naruto...
"So, you're able to... have-"
"Seedlings? Yes."
"I was going to say a baby, but I guess seedlings works too." The man leaned back on his hands, giving his feet a little sway.
I can't believe Naruto is still here.
"I'm sorry Sasuke, that you went through that. But if it helps... I really do think that you are amazing."
Sasuke was in awe. He never once thought that someone, a human, would stay after hearing that but Naruto hadn't moved. Not even an inch.
But what did startle Sasuke was a sound. The sound of laughter coming from the man besides him caused Sasuke to stir, his feelings growing back to uneasy at the rich and free sound.
Is he... laughing at me?
"You... can... have a baby-" Guffaws mixing in between words from lips Sasuke once trusted in, believed in.
Sasuke hated that his entire being deflated at the sound of the man's laughter. He hated that he found himself once again trembling, his throat convulsing with the need to purge himself.
"I think it's awesome!"
"What?" The speed of Sasuke turning his head in disbelief was so fast that it made himself feel a little dizzy.
"Think about it Sasuke- you can create a life, just like Mother Gaia. Isn't Deidara right? This is very much a blessing."
"Ah-"
"I wish I could do something like that!"
"There is no way you would want-"
"Sasuke, I really mean it. I think it's cool."
Sasuke could feel big hands landing on each of his cheeks giving them a shake and a squeeze. Their faces were close, too close, and Sasuke found himself yearning to get even closer under the bright orange glow. It all felt like a dream, not at all like his usual reality.
"Did I go too far?" The words were hoarse and whispered, blue eyes shinning in genuine concern. Sasuke could feel his own eyes glaze, his Adam's apple bobbing at the words whispered between friends.
"No. Not at all." Hands released Sasuke's face slowly, hands ruffling in his dark strands affectionately. Sasuke found himself feeling greedy, he wanted more of this. He wanted more of sunsets, and warm big hands. Wanted more of blue eyes, and big wide smiles. He didn't want to let this moment go.
"Good. Because I meant it!" The man said with a big grin, giving Sasuke a cheesy over the top thumbs up that made Sasuke bubble up with real genuine laughter for the first time since he had started his story.
The two playfully nudged each other, bumping shoulders with teasing verbal jabs slipping between them as they jumped off the now cooled boulder. Now that the atmosphere was so carefree, Sasuke found himself talking more openly. He spoke about the reproductive chart, explaining in depth how the chart system works when it comes to the reproductive scale.
"The reproductive scale is an ancient ranking that had been in our haven for over a century. How it worked was actually quite simple."
Through the scratching trees and unkempt bushes from were they had come, Sasuke found himself talking more than he ever had in his life.
"The scale was made up of two sides, a negative side and a positive side with zero in the middle as the balance between the two. Fifty was said to be the highest(or I guess lowest)ranking on either side, depending on were you would land.
If you are in the negative at all, you are purely masculine, but the closer you inch toward the positive, you gain more feminine capabilities, such as the genetics to bloom, reproduce, or release your on uh- calling card, either in fragrance or in fluid to interact with a potential mate.
Sasuke further explained that being told that he was +10, means that he has more capabilities to procreate. And as he got closer to the age 14, he was at +15. If a faerie is over +10, they gain the capabilities of blooming.
All while they trekked from the trees, through the branches, through the campus grounds, and to the only car sitting in the middle of the lot, Sasuke spoke. By the time the two reached the car, Sasuke looked exhausted and Naruto looked like he had even more questions than he did before.
~ . ~
Naruto wanted to ask Sasuke what his current scale range was but figured that he was over +15, and that answer was more than enough. He refused to pry when Sasuke was already giving him nervous glances as if Naruto was going to up and abandon him in the middle of the school parking lot.
Before his fingers fumbled to start the car, he found himself reaching for Sasuke's trembling palms. His calloused thumb rubbing along the skin on the back of his hands soothingly.
"Thank you for tell me, for trusting me."
"Thank you for staying."
The two didn't need to say anything more. The rumbling of the engine, and the soft release of a sigh from Sasuke was the conclusion of a long day, a long story, a long and much needed conversation. And still Naruto didn't get the answer he has hoped for, but today was enough.
In due time.
Naruto was in it for the long haul.
~ . ~
Naruto was driving down the now familiar dark, and winding road. His mind was filled with everything Sasuke had told him.
He learned a lot of truths but the one that he was the most shocked with was the fact that Sasuke had the ability to give birth. He found it intriguing but also endearing, and it made him feel even more protective of him.
He knows that Sasuke worries that he would find him disgusting, but all Naruto could see was awe. He found himself wanting to be closer, to know more, to be even more enveloped into this world that Sasuke and many others travelled through.
I'm also going to have to thank that blond prick, I guess.
Looking over to his passenger side, he found himself grinning. Sasuke was leaning against the window, his body slumped, most likely in exhaustion from spilling parts of his soul. His skin was a soft pretty green, that even in the moonlight was noticeable.
His hair looked a bit longer, and his lashes even more luscious, spreading over closed lids. Naruto had to shake his head to get himself to focus on the road and not the alluring creature that was sitting next to him in slumber.
Note to self, don't check out your best friend, who is crazy hot, while driving.
He scolded himself.
But still..
Naruto felt altered some how.
Like I've been let in on a secret.
Which is true, but he genuinely felt like he could swim in his affections, bathe in his longing. Everything that he felt for Sasuke was starting to become something greater than even his physical form could carry. It was more, it was bigger, and it was even more scarier than anything he had ever imagined.
My feelings have transformed.
As he found his mind running a mile a minute, his body was on autopilot, parking at the usual spot, that has now becomehis spot. The feeling of the vehicle stopping must have woken Sasuke, as his eyes fluttered open, looking around before meeting his.
His eyes were glowing green in the darkness, and it made Naruto swallow hard at the sight.
"Sorry? I'm sure you're not used to my faerie form. I hope I didn't scare you."
"Not at all. I really like your faerie form, Sasuke."
"Really?"
"Yeah its..."
Sexy, alluring, beautiful, breathtaking, super cute
"It's cool."
"Thanks." Sasuke chuckles, his hand landing on the door knob.
Naruto hops out of the car, meeting Sasuke outside, wanting to give the faerie a proper good bye. He could feel a tightness in his chest, part of him not wanting to be apart after Sasuke had shared such sensitive information with him. He wanted to continue to be a stable comfort in the little green faeries life.
I feel like such an idiot. I've been saying everything about Sasuke is cool, cool, cool. Don't I know any other words other than-
"You're still my friend right, Naruto?" The question, caused Naruto's brain to halt its insecure ramblings, taking in the words that had been whispered to him in hesitation.
"Of course." He hoped that Sasuke could hear the determination, feel the security in just those two words. Naruto wanted to drip the words in complete unshakable confidence, he wanted Sasuke to know that he meant what he said, what he had been saying this entire time.
"I'm not going anywhere."
Conviction, it was swirling in the air like the breeze itself.
"Hn." The sound was soft and warm, Sasuke's legs slowly carrying him closer to Naruto, eye to eye.
"If so... can I have a hug?" The words were spoken very softly, as if he didn't know if he could speak them, and Naruto found himself blushing slightly at the tone, his body warming at the man before him.
Naruto found himself giving a big chuckle, his arms wrapping around Sasuke's form before lifting him from the ground in a big embrace. A gasp of surprise left Sasuke's lips, air puffing right into Naruto's ear as his big hands landed at the center of Sasuke's back.
Right where his bloom was just present hours ago. Naruto won't admit what the sound and the thought of said bloom did to his lower region.
"Hey dobe, put me down!"
"But you said you wanted a hug!" Naruto chuckled loudly, squeezing Sasuke even tighter in his hold, before giving the man in his arms a spin. Sasuke gave in, his head landing on Naruto's broad shoulder as his lips released a chuckle. And once again, the sound of him was like music to Naruto's ears.
The dark sky chased them, laughter spilling between the two as they found themselves spinning, and then play wrestling among the trees. As Naruto laughs, his eyes taking in Sasuke's scowl at being pinned under lush green grass, he found himself feeling grateful.
Who should I thank for bringing you into my life?
Naruto didn't see it coming, one minute he was cockily grinning over Sasuke, showing off his biceps and the next, he was on his back, Sasuke over him looking like some kind of demon with glowing green eyes.
Naruto vowed to see Sasuke in his faerie form as much as possible. The man hovering over him smirking as if he was some kind of deity, and that reaction was something Naruto wanted to snapshot into his memories forever.
Yeah. My feelings have transformed, and this isn't even their final form.
~ . ~
The sound of the professor's voice, droned on as Sasuke found himself thinking. He had been doing that a lot lately.
He always pride himself on being diligent and paying attention in class, for the better of his goals and his future, but lately his mind had been somewhere else. His heart also just wasn't in it.
I told him.
The thought caused Sasuke to gulp, his eyes cutting to his peripheral to see if he could get a glimpse of blond strands. It was the first time Sasuke had ever wished he was sitting in the back row.
I told him one of the things that scared me the most. The fact that I can reproduce, the fact that I am a man, but also a being who can create... its alarming.
If Sasuke told anyone, they would think him a freak, a weirdo. They would probably attempt to check him into a psychiatric institution, deeming him unwell.
... But Naruto didn't see him that way.
He told him to think about it as a blessing, that he is able to create just like Mother Gaia, how is that a bad thing?
Just like Deidara said.
When he puts it that way, it made Sasuke's heart almost beat out of his chest. Naruto has been amazing, sweet, accommodating. So why could he feel the dread of anxiety still lurking in the back of his brain, when he thought about that closet, that party, that kiss.
Because you don't want to lose him.
That's true.
He was afraid still.
Even though he knows Naruto inside and out.
Can tell someone his favorite food.
Ramen.
Can tell anyone Naruto's favorite season.
It's Autumn.
Even though he could give anyone a long list of reason why Naruto is so (likable, awesome, amazing) agreeable to him, Sasuke still found himself terrified to tell him the last thing.
I want him to know I like him, but I am so scared that I'll be turned away or shut out.
So Sasuke fell back into a habit that he had been trying for decades to break.
Yup, he avoided being alone with Naruto like a lady bug avoids mint.
Sasuke wasn't an idiot, he knew that he would need to talk to Naruto about what happened at Sakura's party. But he couldn't shake the creeping fear that would travel up his spine, every time he say the tall muscular blond approaching.
What rattled Sasuke the most was the task that he was given for the game. His task wasn't even to kiss the man, but Sasuke couldn't help himself. He got swept away with the darkness of the closet, the oncoming of his bloom.
At first, that's what he found himself doing. Blaming his nature, his bloom, blaming Sakura for initiating the game, hell, he even blamed Kiba to an extent, because he was the one who informed him about Hinata's crush on Naruto, which fueled Sasuke to act out of character.
But if Sasuke was really honest with himself, he knew it was none of that.
I'm a coward.
He was tired of placing blame and hiding but he also wasn't sure about coming out of the closet either.
But even though I am a coward, I still like you. Am I allowed to still like you?
Face burning up, Sasuke found himself covering his face with his hand to allow himself some privacy. He found himself wishing he was not in class, that he was anywhere else but here at the moment. It was so many first that Naruto was unlocking within him.
He allowed the last little lock to snap, his mind flooding with thoughts, statements, memories that Sasuke had tried to not think about. He allowed them to flow behind his closed lids, and his hands that were covering his face.
He knew he should do this at a different place, at a different time, but he couldn't hold it in anymore.
I like him so much.
I feel like if I don't touch him, I would go crazy.
If I don't see him, I feel a bit lost and aimless.
I have to tell him. I have to be brave. But with my heart just recent getting back to being whole after being broken for so long, the organ is still fragile.
I'm scared.
I like him so much it hurts.
What if he breaks my heart? Will I be able to recover?
No.
Damn it. I like you.
A/N:
Thank you for reading, make sure to comment, show kudos, like this chapter, show me all the love! Hehe.
I also just wanted to say, that after some thought... I've decided to go on a hiatus. (I know, I know! It sucks, but it must be done unfortunately.)
I plan to get caught back up with in bloom and work on some more future projects while I am away.
The goal is to only have the hiatus until the end of FEB. A new chapter for In Bloom will be posted by the end of Feb and I should be back to my usual schedule of every other week with posting. (I promise I will not abandon this baby!)
I just want to say again, thank you for your patience with me, for rocking with me, and continuing to show me love. Everything is greatly appreciated.
Sending you love wherever you are!
xoxo
Ci Mai