TRIGGER WARNING: Nathan goes into a bit more detail of what he remembered, so there is talk of child abuse.
Chapter 286 – Saturday Night with Friends (long)
Nathan walked out the front door and took a deep breath before jogging down to the gate. He talked to the guard for a moment before going across to the road. It only took a few minutes for him to find Greg and many other members of the group.
"Hey Greg." Nathan said.
"I thought you guys weren't coming." Greg said.
"Jack and them didn't want to come because of security concerns." Nathan said. "But I needed a little time away."
"Everything okay?" Greg asked.
Nathan shrugged his shoulders.
"Jack and his friends are great." Nathan said. "I love working for him, but I think I messed things up."
"Give me a minute." Greg said.
Greg excused himself and went to speak to several other members of the group. Then Greg went back to Nathan.
"If you can give me a ride back, they will take my bike." Greg said. "I think we need to talk."
Nathan nodded. Greg and Nathan walked away. When they got back to the security gate, Nathan showed his badge and said that Greg was with him. The guard wanted to call up to the house, but Nathan pulled his phone and said he would call Jack first. The guard immediately let them in and apologized. As they walked up toward the house, Nathan did send a text to Jack and another one to Father Mark. Nathan led them around the house and showed them where they could have seats on the back porch. They sat a bit further down, but it was fine.
"Now tell me why you think you blew it." Greg said.
"I freaked out last night over what Jack's cousin did." Nathan said.
"Did Jack tell you he was angry?" Greg asked.
"No."
"Did anyone seem upset with you today?" Greg asked
"No, they were more worried about if I was okay to jump and if I wanted to stay."
"That doesn't sound like you blew it." Greg said. "From what Devin told me about Jack, the guy seems like a great person to work for and that he really cares about people. I have only spent a little time with him, but he seemed nice. They did a great job with the show. Also what I know about his grandfather, if you had upset someone, you would be gone."
Nathan shrugged his shoulders again.
"Now why don't you tell me what happened last night." Greg said. "I know that you will feel better talking about it. Maybe there is something that I can do to help you."
Nathan briefly explained what happened and his reaction. He said that even though Father Mark realized what was going on, they didn't really talk. Greg immediately pulled out his phone and sent two texts.
"Tell security that Sam Rooney and my wife, Annie are coming over with the bikes." Greg said. "I will have them pull up to the side of the house and join us."
Nathan nodded and then texted security as well as giving Jack and Father Mark a heads up. Before Sam and Annie got there, Jack came out back by himself.
"Nathan." Jack said. "You can go down to the stable office if you want or you can come in and use the library if you want. We had talked about having a small fire since we didn't go over because of security."
"Who is all coming out?" Nathan asked.
"Doug, Lee, Elizabeth, Frank and Father Mark." Jack said. "We weren't going to play, but we did want to sit and talk. Gran and Trish are working on something in the kitchen and both my grandfather's are working at the table. Chief was going to help his wife in the kitchen."
"Are you sure we could go into the library?" Nathan asked. "I don't want to impose on anyone."
"It is fine." Jack said. "Whatever is going on needs to be dealt with for your sake. I am sorry for what Emily did, so tell me what you need."
"Please ask Gran if it is okay if we meet in the library." Nathan asked.
"I will." Jack said.
Jack immediately went inside and a few moments later Gran came out.
"Nathan." Gran said. "I told you to make yourself at home. If you want to talk to your friends in the house, that is more than fine. I will make up a tray of coffee and water if you want."
"That would be great ma'am." Greg said. "Sorry about this, but we don't believe in letting things fester. Might as well deal with it right away."
"That is fine." Gran said. "When the others get here, please come in and I will have a tray made up for you. No one will bother you in the library."
"Thank you." Nathan said.
Jack went about setting up the portable fire pit while Nathan and Greg waited for Sam and Annie. They pulled up near the helipad and parked their motorcycles. Sam's wife had brought Greg's over and was planning to walk back to the bonfire. Nathan waved them over and then they went in. He took the time to make sure the other adults had been introduced to Greg, Annie and Sam. The four then picked up the tray in the kitchen and went to the library. Nathan locked the door and then sat on the couches. Once they were all seated, Greg had Nathan repeat what he had told him. It was Annie who made her husband switch places, so she could be closer to Nathan.
"First of all." Annie said. "No matter what did or didn't happen in the past or even last night, none of it is your fault. Emily crossed a line and opened up things you didn't even know. I don't want to hear you feeling guilty about this. From everything I have seen, your friends just want to make sure that you are doing okay. Am I clear?"
Nathan nodded.
"Good." Annie said. "Now that we are clear on that. Is there anything else that you can tell me about what happened, I mean what you remembered. Tell me everything you remember or think you remember and we can sort it out later."
"I was about five or six." Nathan said.
Nathan went on to describe the memories he had of this guy who touched him and everything else he could remember. Nathan had to stop several times to catch his breath as he would start to panic. Annie and Sam would take Nathan's hands and calm him down each time. They had both had experience in dealing with trauma and people working through it.
"Okay." Annie said. "Obviously something happened to you. You need to accept that. You also need to find a way to accept that you may never know the full truth and the person will probably never be punished. What you need to focus on is accepting."
Nathan just looked at Annie.
"You are fine right now." Annie said. "From what you have said, John and James are not allowing Emily to come back here, so you don't have to worry about something like that again. What happened to you is horrible and never should have happened. But you can't change it."
"Also." Sam said. "As much as you want to lock those memories away and never think about them again, that is easier said than done. We all have memories of things that we wish we could forget for one reason or another. We have all learned to accept that we can't change those memories and they are just a part of us. We try not to let them affect us on a daily basis and that takes time. We will be there for you, to help in any way we can."
"Thank you." Nathan said. "I just don't know what to do."
"I agree with Father Mark." Greg said. "Talking to a professional trained in dealing with childhood trauma is the best thing. The other thing that you can do is to live your life. You have been a great opportunity here and it sounds like Jack wants you to be a part of his life for a very long time. That is a great friend to have. It doesn't mean you have to leave your other friends. We like Jack, his friends and grandparents. We would love to come back and help with this show again. We had fun and met a lot of great people."
"Thank you all so much." Nathan said.
Sam poured them each a glass of water or coffee and they took a moment to regroup.
… … … …
John and James looked at each other after Nathan and his friends had gone into the library.
"I don't want to interfere, but at the same time." James said.
"I know." John said, not letting James finish his thought. "Let's just trust right now. We can see how things are tomorrow since we aren't going anywhere."
"What do you know about those three?" James asked.
"Greg is a combat vet." John said. "He currently works at a motorcycle shop after retiring on full medical leave from the Army. His wife, Annie, was a trauma nurse in the Army and now works as charge nurse at a large hospital. Sam is also a combat vet and currently is mostly a stay at home dad who sits on the local county board. His wife is a lawyer. From my understanding, they all have experience in dealing with trauma and since they know Nathan better, they might get him to open up a bit more."
"Thank you." James said. "While I sat with some the other night, I have still been a bit concerned."
"I understand." John said. "While I initially had my reservations about the group, the more that I have seen and read, as well as talked to Devin about them, the more impressed I am. Most of the people in the group served in some capacity in the armed forces, most saw combat. There is a mix of white and blue collar professionals among them. Nathan was right, they put children and those without a voice first. Have they had minor run-ins with the law? Yes, but most of those can be because they were defending someone else.
For example, there was this woman who was getting beaten by her now ex-husband. When she got the courage to leave him with the kids, he came after her. That group, including Devin, spent every night sitting in the apartment parking lot so he would stay away. Finally one night, he decided he had enough and came after several of the club members who were not at the apartment. They defended themselves and the guy got his ass kicked. Several of them ended up with minor disturbing the peace charges, but were cleared of the other charges because the DA realized that the ex-husband started things and they were defending themselves from a drunk with a weapon."
"What happened to the ex-husband?" James asked.
"He ended up paralyzed from the waist down and died by his own hand a few years later." John said.
"Oh." James said.
"I am not saying they went about things the right way." John said. "But when you decide to pick a fight with several combat vets and taunt them with a knife while saying you are going to kill them, I think he got what he had coming to him."
"I guess." James said. "We don't know how any of us would react in a situation like that, but those that had been in combat will definitely be more likely to defend themselves and those around them."
"Agreed." John said. "Because of all the good that they have done, both individually and as a group, I was willing to overlook some minor transgressions. Many of them are highly decorated while they had been in the service and their collective list of medals is impressive. They have several purple hearts among them, there are also silver stars and navy cross recipients."
"Impressive." James said.
"I thought so." John said. "I am lucky enough to be old enough that I was able to avoid the draft and never was needed to service, but I admire those that answer that call."
… … … …
The group that was sitting out back was also worried about Nathan.
"I think he will be fine." Frank said. "He just needs a little bit of time. If you don't think he is in the proper head space, you can ask him to not ride tomorrow, but honestly, I think he will be fine. Besides you don't want to win that way. Give him the benefit of doubt like he has given you. Emily crossed a line last night and whatever it brought up, Nathan is at least trying to deal with it."
Frank gave Jack a pointed look.
"I agree." Father Mark said. "I won't share what he said, but he is struggling with memories from the past and trying to figure out what is real and what his own mind created."
"I understand that." Doug said. "Not that I have been through anything horrific like being abused, I have been through a few things when I was younger, particularly the school shooting. There are times I wonder what is real when I think about that time or what did my mind fill in because of other things I heard."
"I can see how that happens." Elizabeth said. "I agree, we need to give Nathan the benefit of doubt. He has been wonderful and done a great job protecting us. We aren't really going anywhere tomorrow, so let's just give him a break and see how he is doing."
"Okay." Jack said. "I guess you were right when you said we had all been through a lot in various capacities and we need to be understanding of each other. I forget that not everyone grew up like we did. While we might not have ideal childhoods like some think, we were safe for the most part."
"Thank you." Father Mark said. "Please give Nathan some space and time to deal with what he remembered. I am sure he can get past it, even if it takes some time."
"Father Mark." Lee said. "How are you doing? You haven't had the easiest week either."
"I am fine." Father Mark said. "The lawyer that John hired took care of things. While the man has not been caught, I have been assured that I am no longer a suspect. The two officers who overstepped have been spoken to and I think they are afraid that John will come after them if they even look at me cross-eyed. I have been praying for the young woman that lost her life and her family. The rest, I am just trying not to think of. It is easier when I try not to think about it. I know that I will never forget what happened, but I don't have to actively think about it either."
"That is a good plan." Frank said. "Just remember there are people that you can talk to if memories start to bother you. Just know that they might still from time to time. I mean I still have times where some of the things I saw overseas bother me."
"Let's talk about something else." Jack said. "What does everyone think of the show so far?"
The group talked about the show, which lead to stories of other shows and things that they would like to see in the future.
… … … …
Nathan looked around the library.
"Thank you." Nathan said. "I thought I was doing okay, but I guess I really wasn't dealing with things. I know that I spoke a little to Father Mark and he set up a meeting with a counselor, but it has still been hard because I don't want to do anything to ruin this opportunity that I have been given by Jack."
"I don't think you have ruined anything." Annie said. "From what I have seen, Jack truly likes you and wants you to be around."
"I know that you have had a hard time feeling like you belong in the past." Greg said. "But I think you need to cut yourself some slack."
"Greg is right." Sam said. "I sat and listened to Jack's grandparents the other night when you were all out at the park. I think if you really want, you will be around for a very long time. As much as I love my kids and staying home with them, if I had the opportunity to ride and be out here everyday, I would take it. I also know that you all are going back to the city for school, but honestly, it sounds like there are plans to come up here for holidays and things."
"I agree." Annie said. "Just relax. We all have things from our past and from my understanding, all those young people are dealing with various things that have happened. So what if you didn't have a perfect childhood, sounds like none of them did either. I think you are good for them and they are good for you."
"Thank you." Nathan said. "I really wasn't sure when Devin encouraged me to take this job. He knew that I had had a few bad experiences with rich people in the past, but Jack and his friends have been different. The really seem like they don't care about the size of your bank account and they have been more than generous sharing what they do have. I mean I told you about the vintage guitar that Jack gave me for beating him last weekend. I also know that he has talked about finding a project that we can all work on in a few years when they have the new place set up."
"See there you go." Annie said. "Just remember, because you have new friends and experience new things, it doesn't mean that you have to forget about your past. We will always be here for you."
"Thank you." Nathan said. "Let's go see if the others are still out by the fire out back. We usually have an evening prayer session before bed."
"I think that sounds wonderful." Sam said.
The group got up and Annie picked up the tray. When they came out, the only other people sitting in the dining room were Trish and Chief.
"The grandparents turned in about ten minutes ago." Trish said. "We were just talking."
"We were just going to join the others out back for a bit before leaving." Greg said.
"That is fine." Chief said. "We were going to head up in a minute anyway."
"Don't stay up too late." Trish said.
"We won't." Nathan said.
Annie put the tray in the kitchen and went out the back door with Nathan. The four pulled up chairs as Jack and them made room for Nathan and his friends.
"I thought we could pray and then Sam, Greg and Annie could head out." Nathan said.
"Sure." Frank said. "Jack and Doug were just sharing about past shows that they have been a part of."
"Did you ride, Father Mark?" Greg asked.
"Yes." Father Mark said.
"He was wonderful." Jack said. "But I also understand why he quit competitively riding. He won the Fall Finale when he was fifteen. He could have went on to ride in the under eighteen international circuit, but that was not what he wanted to do. He also has his jockey license, not that he has ever rode more then a few times around the track here at the farm."
Father Mark ducked his head.
"You are one to talk." Frank said. "Seventeen wins in a row. Won the Fall Finale two years ago. Regional young rider of the year and finalist for national young rider of the year. You have your assistant trainers license and jockey license as well. Also wasn't the words 'Olympic hopeful' used when talking about you a couple years ago. And that is just what I know. I am sure there are more accolades that could be added."
It Jack's turn to duck his head.
"I get it." Jack said. "I should not bring up someone else's accomplishments if I don't want mine broadcast."
The group laughed.
"You should be proud." Annie said. "I have ridden some, but I am nowhere near that good."
"I thought we were going to pray." Jack said, turning bright red.
Jack was grateful for the low light, because they really couldn't tell how red he was.
"So how do you guys do this?" Sam asked.
"We usually take turns going around and anyone who wants to pray out loud can." Frank said. "Lately, I have been starting and Father Mark will close it out. I know that you are all not Catholic, so maybe we skip the extra prayers at the end we usually do."
Frank looked around and saw Jack, Doug and Father Mark nodding.
"Okay." Frank said. "I will start and then anyone who wants can pray. Father Mark will end the prayers."
They all sat forward and bowed their heads. Frank started and prayed for safety for everyone the following day as they were jumping as well as healing for those that were hurting. Jack, Doug, Nathan and Greg all prayed out loud before Father Mark finished up. Once they were done praying, Greg, Annie and Sam said their goodnights and headed back to check in at the bonfire before heading to the RV park. They knew that their children would be fine, or they would have gotten a phone call or text.
After Greg, Annie and Sam left, Jack turned to Nathan.
"The only thing I am going to ask is that you are in the right head space to jump tomorrow." Jack said. "I am not going to say anything one way or another. I won't ask again, I will trust you. That said, I am getting tired so I am heading to bed."
"Thank you." Nathan said. "I think that we should all head down."
Jack and Elizabeth were the first in and they walked downstairs hand in hand. Nathan and Father Mark stopped to make sure that everything in the kitchen was cleaned up and then headed down after the others who had also immediately gone downstairs. They knew it was going to be a long day with the jumping and another long week with all the other stuff going on. Father Mark and Nathan did night prayers and then crawled into bed.